God's Love Is In Control... :) Shangy! >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This one is so hot - it's SMOKING! Our friend Buffalo Bill of BuffaloJokes sent these very real and scary photos to us. Now I don't know about you, but I like the real, true, awesome, scary things of this world as long as they are on the other side of the world! If you are like me, you will enjoy this page: Tigerfish! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tigerfish.html ...Thanks Buffalo! :) O , .::7:::::U2\P\ '*qf\P '<\ '<\ ' ' Be sure to visit his fun site here: http://www.buffalojokes.com/ -<>- >Here are the details on our new Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================================================================== >-->Speaking of fish - Here's a sweet one from our Friend Betty :) _ )_ `. )_ `. \ )_ `. `| )_ `.` / )_ `-.` | )_ `-.` ` \ )_.- ` ` \ )_.-` ` \ )_.-`\ /\ \ )_.-| \O \ | \ \ _ / / \ _ ) `-._ / /O\ /O\ \ _.-` ( ) `-/ `-' `-' \-` ( ) _.-| __ |-._ ( )_.-` \ .-' `-._ / `-._( LGB \ `-.__.--`/ `-._ _.-" `` >Fishing... Howard County Sheriff Jerry Marr got a disturbing call one Saturday afternoon a few months ago. His 6-year-old grandson Mikey had been hit by a car while fishing in Greentown with his dad. The father and son were near a bridge by the Kokomo Reservoir when a woman lost control of her car, slid off the bridge and hit Mikey at a rate of about 50 mph. Sheriff Marr had seen the results of accidents like this and feared the worst. When he got to Saint Joseph Hospital, he rushed through the emergency room to find Mikey conscious and in fairly good spirits considering what had happened to him. "Mikey, what happened?" Sheriff Marr asked. Mikey replied, "Well, Papaw, I was fishin' with Dad, and some lady runned me over, I flew into a mud puddle, and broke my fishin' pole and I didn't get to catch no fish!" As it turned out, the impact propelled Mikey about 500 feet, over a few trees and an embankment and in the middle of a mud puddle. His only injuries were to his right femur bone which had broken in two places. Mikey had surgery to place pins in his leg. Otherwise the boy is fine. Since all the boy could talk about was that his fishing pole was broken, the Sheriff went out to Wal-Mart and bought him a new one while he was in surgery so he could have it when he came out. The next day the Sheriff sat with Mikey to keep him company in the hospital. Mikey was enjoying his new fishing pole and talked about when he could go fishing again as he cast into the trash can. When they were alone, Mikey, just a matter-of-fact, said, "Papaw, did you know Jesus is real?" "Well," the Sheriff replied, a little startled. "Yes, Jesus is real to all who believe in him and love him in their hearts." "No," said Mikey. "I mean Jesus is REALLY real." "What do you mean?" asked the Sheriff. "I know he's real 'cause I saw him." said Mikey, still casting into the trash can. "You did?" said the Sheriff. "Yep," said Mikey. "When that lady runned me over and broke my fishing pole, Jesus caught me in his arms and laid me down in the mud puddle." =================================================================== >-->From Our Friends at CES: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Hello and God bless you, We have posted a teaching on TruthOrTradition.com called Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones to Success. Inside the article is an audio link so you can listen to it online free of charge. Here is a little more about this teaching: There are many ways to be a winner, but there is really only one way to be a loser--to fail and then not look beyond the failure. This teaching examines the lives of some biblical characters who learned to fail forward, establishing the biblical perspective we must adopt in order to turn the defeats of life into stepping-stones towards success. One of the greatest problems people have with failure is that they are too quick to judge isolated situations in their lives and label themselves as failures. This teaching powerfully identifies and explodes many myths we have been taught about failure, and provides practical steps we can all utilize as we learn to fail forward. This is a teaching full of encouragement and tips for those who are stuck or feeling defeated in any area of their life, relationships, or walk with God. To read / listen to this teaching, Click or cut and paste the entire link below into your address bar: http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=856 Have a great day and know we are praying for you! The Home Office Staff Spirit and Truth Fellowship International www.STFonline.org ========================================================================== >-->From InspiredBuffalo: __________________ .-' \ _.-''-._ / '-. .-/\ .'. .'. /\-. _'/ \.' '. .' './ \'_ :======:======::======:======: '. '. \ '' / .' .' '. . \ : : / . .' '.' \ ' ' / '.' ': \: :/ :' '. \ / .' '.\ /.' miK '\/' >LOOKING FOR DIAMONDS Albert Einstein said, "In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." Once discovered, such opportunities are like valuable diamonds hidden in the sand. Several years ago I spoke at church about how we are surrounded by "diamonds," if we could only recognize them. A man stopped by to see me. I remembered him as somebody who had suffered through a painful divorce and was examining his life's priorities. His outstretched hand contained a small, plastic gem stone. "I stepped on this gem stone when I was leaving church last Sunday," he explained. "It became lodged in the sole of my shoe. You had spoken about recognizing opportunities - diamonds. I put the plastic stone in my pocket to remind me to look for those diamonds that I need. "I have been trying to sell my business," he continued. On Monday morning, a man stopped by who seemed interested in purchasing some of my stock. I thought, 'Here's my diamond - don't let it get away!' I sold the entire stock to him by noon. "Now," he said through a broad smile, "my next diamond is to find a new job!" Not long afterward, he did find a new - and better - job. He resolved to keep his gem stone with him from then on as a reminder to look for diamonds as he digs through the difficulties of life. Richard DeVos is accurate when he points out, "This is an exciting world. It is cram-packed with opportunity. Great moments wait around every corner." Those moments are diamonds that, if left unrecognized, will be forever lost. Are you looking for diamonds every day? If not, you may easily pass them by! Perhaps there is a diamond of opportunity hidden in that difficulty you're experiencing now. --Steve Goodier -<,,>- >TIME TO WAKE UP By: Joseph J. Mazzella I read in a news story today that the ultra rich are now paying 736,000 dollars for watches. As I was shaking my head at the insanity of it I glanced at my own 8 dollar watch. It tells me the time just fine. I guess that would leave me about 735,992 dollars left over. With that I could send 18 kids to college for 4 years each with room, board, and books included. With that I could sponsor almost 200 needy children overseas into adulthood. With that I could buy meals for 2 ˝ million starving people around the world. With that much left over money I could do so much good, help so many souls, and still know the time whenever I looked down at my wrist. When did our society become so insane that anyone would think they needed a 736,000 dollar watch? When did people become so shallow that they would believe a one million dollar car is essential? My first car cost me only 500 dollars and it still got me wherever I needed to go. When did 50 million dollar yachts and 100 million dollar houses become so vital to a person's happiness? My tiny home has more joy in it than the biggest mansion in the world and I can walk the shore of the local lake here and delight in its beauty for free. I pray that at some point our society says "Enough!" and wakes up from this nightmare of materialism. Each of us only has one life. Let's not waste it on the watches we wear and the cars we drive. Each of us only has one soul. Let's not lose it trying to gain the whole world. God put us here to love each other, to help each other, and to make this world a better place together. No house or boat will ever bring us joy like living the way that our Heavenly Father meant for us to. No amount of material wealth in this world will ever equal the treasures of Heaven. Live your life in love, joy, and oneness with God then. Help others whenever you can. Make this world a better place now. Life is brief and no watch will buy you an extra second of it. --- __ .'o '. / .-.\ / ( ,-/ '-. / ) ( | | / \ ;' ,.,.\ ;..;; ,.-+= ) (-:'' /,.__.,\ Roohollah. ...Or spend just a moment of time doing what doesn't cost a cent - learn to appreciate one of God's creation just a little bit better. Like our friend Steve is doing. He has been getting in closer and spending time getting to be a pal with a little wild bird - a white dove. You can check out the picture of it in our club photos here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/ -<,,>- >Timely Tips for the Ladies... _.===. _,/_ \\\ `-. /`/| / _\ // ` /////////\ | /`|/=*===*=| ( /`/` /|)(o>( ) \ \/\| / /\/ \`/` \/\ `=' / |/\/` \/`._.' /` |/`/ | ' \//| / ' '/LGB Please take the time to read this. I know you are smart enough to know these pointers, but there will be some, where you will think... "Hmm, I must remember that!" After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in. 1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do! 2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! 3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives. 4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. 5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) 6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs.(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot). 7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN! 8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you you may want to pass it onto them, as well. Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry. To Subscribe send a blank email to: the-inspired-buffalo-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ======================================================================== >-->Continuing 'Gods Grace' From Our Friend Tony in Australia :) Part 3 of Gods Grace >How does this work? Something goes wrong in our lives and almost immediately, ) ( ( ( ( ) () @@ ) (( ( ( ( )( @@ ( )) ) ( GOD DID IT! ( ( ( ()( /---\ (()( ( _______ \ ) ) )(@ !O O! )@@ ( ) ) ) < ____) ) ( ( )( ()@ \ o / (@@@@@ ( ()( ) /--| |( o| ( ) ) ((@@(@@ !o! @@@@(@@@@@)() ( | > \___| ) ( @)@@)@ /---\-/---\ )@@@@@()( ) | /---------+ (@@@@)@@@( // /-----\ \\ @@@)@@@@@( . | | \ =========______/|@@@@@@@@@@@@@(@@@ // @ /---\ @ \\ @(@@@(@@@ . . | \ \\=========------\|@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ O @@@ /-\ @@@ O @@(@@)@@ @ . | \ \----+--\-))) @@@@@@@@@@ !! @@@@ % @@@@ !! @@)@@@ .. . | |\______|_)))/ . @@@@@@ !! @@ /---\ @@ !! @@(@@@ @ . . \__========== * . @@ /MM /\O O/\ MM\ @@@@@@@. . | |-\ \ ( . @ !!! !! \-/ !! !!! @@@@@ . | | \ \ ) . . @@@@ !! !! .(. @. .. . | | \ \ ( / .( . \)). ( |O )( O! @@@@ . ) . | | / / ) ( )). (( .) !! ((( !! @@ (. ((. . . | | / / () )) )) .( ( ( ) ). ( !! )( !! ) (( )) .. | |_< / ( ) ( ( ) ) (( ) )).) ((/ | ( | \( )) ((. ). ____<_____\\__\__(___)_))_((_(____))__(_(___.oooO_____Oooo.(_(_)_)((_ God is to blame! He !‘caused ‘ it to happen! And not only that, we have to fend for ourselves, we haven’t heard from Him in such a long time! ( figures!) A loved one is sick and we don’t know why… I have one, asick loved one I mean…… and someone dear to me as one too… and I have wondered, in fact in my prayers I have said “ Lord, have you stopped caring?” and “ what did we do to deserve this Lord?”……you too uh? With all this negativity going on, we most probably missed it when God spoke to us and said : I am going to bless you, are you ready? You have to be ready” and we was too busy dwelling on things that we wabted to blame on Him. Don’t get mad at me for talking this way, because if you are, you probably needed this little chat. I tell you dear people, if we are not seeing God in the TRUE light of things, we are NOT seeing God at all. Jacobs sons missed the point. The point was HE BLESSED THEM ! For a time, they were under His grace, but not for long. The ‘denied’ God and made out He was something He cant be! Lets be honest, we are NOT perfect! The day we will be our feet will no longer be on the ground! We WILL make mistakes and that’s no mistake! But we can’t blame God! And if God was to call out and stop us when we do something wrong we would may say, “He’s just out to spoil our fun!” We really, if the truth is known, don’t ‘trust God! Do we? We think He has nothing better to do than sit up there in Heaven , looking down and watching and waiting for us to falter! ‘IF’ He really did do that, He wouldn’t have to wait long uh? I can think back to when I was a kid, I used to be something of a ‘goody goody’ I went to Church and Sunday School. I sang in the choir and I went to Youth whenever it was on and other kids used to taunt me.One time I got sick of it and in those days, milk was delivered to homes in bottle and we used to leave the money and a message, “ 2 Bottles today please. Thank you” and everyday the same message would go out, along with ( if possible) the correct money. This one day…. I decided I would steal it all, then put it all back the next day and no one would know! And that would make me a hero! Well…. Needless to say it didn’t work! And for three days I was late at school, trying to get the money back to the right people! And not only did I get a detention every night for 2 weeks, I had to go clean all the windows on the houses I stole money from. Some HERO! But GOD! Let me get caught! WHY? So I would learn, just like Josephs brothers learned we CAN’T take God on! Strange though, I didn’t get caught ‘stealing’ I got caught giving it back! End of Part 3 >Part 4 of Gods Grace One thing I love about my Pastors wife is if I ask “ How are you Sis?” She says most emphatically “ I am EXCELLENT! I am a Child of God!” How many people would answer “ Oh, not TOO bad” meaning not good and if you have two hours to spare I will tell you just how bad I am an spoil YOUR day too! Now, I am sure my Pastors wife has days when she is feeling ‘not so excellent’ but I never hear it….!and I guess she would have a lot less days that aren’t quite so ‘excellent as others’ because of her attitude!Which is always ‘positive’. Let me tell you something, my wife is just 58 years young and right now we are having quite some difficulty financially since I stopped work almost 2 years ago due to illness then having necessary surgery. During all this, my lovely wife and I was told she has a degenerative brain disorder diagnosed as Alzheimers. Now they tell us,it’s incurable today. Her attitude is wonderful…Mine? I admit, it’s not so wonderful, but she would have me believe that something good will come out of it all. The money problems, the health problems she has and I have, are ALL temporary! Sitting talking the other day, I said to her…”when the time comes and if Jesus hasn’t been to take us already ( this is so selfish! Now I think about it)…. I hope I go the day before you”. I could see the hurt in her eyes when I said that “I couldn’t stand the thought of ONE day without her..” ….and that’s just so true. See, I haven’t quite growed up gang….that was a childish and selfish thought, not a ‘nice one’ even if it had been intended that way. I think she and I have always had a deep love for one another and when we look back at the couples we used to ‘kick the can’ with, we are about the only ones apart from our best man and bridesmaid that stayed together all these years. Something to be said for the ‘old values’. And, I do believe that this awful thing brought on Barb has brought us even closer together and I see myself being ‘taught’ compassion and I feel my priorities are changing. One would think that a family with three daughters( my wifes family) and two of them are suffering serious malfunctions of the body and the brain, that the family would ‘hold’ together and be supportive. Maybe its in the future? Who knows ? I do know this, without Gods Grace I wouldn’t be here now. I would have died perhaps 3 years ago of Mesothelioma. Fifteen years ago I almost lost my left hand, it hung on by the tendons in my little finger, a diamond saw almost amputated the whole hand. It still works!in fact apart from a little arthritis, its better than the other hand! After the ‘experts said IF it could be saved I would lose at least 90 percent of the use. It didn’t happen, my hand has some minor restrictions ( it cant spell when I type) but not enough to be a burden to me. So… if God did all this for me in earlier times, why not now for my wife? I cant answer that but she does. She tells me that God is NOT a promise breaker, He said he would never leave nor forsake us. She reminds me that we have a God we can trust to ALWAYS do what’s best for us even when we can’t quite understand, and she reminds me that the only greater love she has than me, is God..’ How can I not love her? End of Part 4 >Final part 5 of Gods Grace Some of us went through great periods of ‘change’ in our lives. For some it has been easy and for others, not quite so easy. Some get through without too much heartbreak and others merely ‘survive’. I have to say that for a while when I first went back into a church life, I envied those who seemed happy despite the troubles and trials I had heard they had to contend with. It was some time before I realised that the quality they had that I had not gained yet, was ‘trust’. Not trust in flesh and blood, but ‘trust’ in the Lord. I was on the path to salvation but I staggered many times under pressure I probably brought upon myself. Inwardly I knew I had to change but was not sure that I wanted to. I knew it was ‘right for me’ but wasn’t sure how to go about it all. I guess I didn’t ‘trust’ anyone but myself but then, I really hadn’t got very far trying to be ‘self reliant’. Then one day I came home from work, it was the last day of the only job I had on, work was very hard to find and I had exhausted every avenue I had , all to no avail. I had used up all our funds and whatever money we had trying to find work and I had no idea how the mortgage would be paid at that time. I know our bills to get up to date were a little over $3000( this was a lot of money 15 years ago)and we were in danger of having to sell our home. My wife and I had a terrible fight and I got angry, walked out and took off in my work car. I couldn’t go far, no petrol and no money to get any. I sat on top of a cliff overlooking the Gulf and I yelled at God, all I wanted was for Him to yell back, so I would know He had heard me and my anger. It’s hard to fight with someone who doesn’t even acknowledge you are there! I cried… I wept like a child weeps and then I realised, somewhere I my mind that I had given very little back to God and He had given ME so much. __ | _] .--||-----. | || | |__||_____| \ | || || || || || jgs || || ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The mail had been late that day and when I pulled into the driveway, my wife was walking back to the house with the mail in her hand. I followed her in, not speaking and she went off into the bedroom and I opened the mail. First was an advert for home loans, second was “Sorry but don’t call us we will call you” letter from a job I had applied for and the third I almost threw away, was a letter from an Insurance Comp I hadn’t dealt with for years. It was a very cheap policy I had bought when I was about 40 and it matured when I was 55, I had just had my 55th birthday the week before. I had bought the policy and only kept it running for 4 payments and I let it lapse, and here I was, standing with a check in my hand and a letter saying the policy had ‘matured’ please find enclosed the amount of $3223.00! God had heard me. I have to say that my ‘trust’ in God had been very weak and even in spite of all this happening, I still needed that little ‘boost’ of confidence we get when we know that God is always there. I actually hope I never out grow that, because I might get a ‘care less’ attitude and I know God wouldn’t like that! Did you ever have times like mine in your life? I am sure some did. Do you fear’ getting old’ and maybe passing on before you have ‘fulfilled’ all your dreams? Are you afraid that when you ‘retire’ you wont have enough to live on? Maybe you are afraid that you have been ‘so bad’ that if you got to the Lord He will ‘reject’ you? That’s a bit like having a very bad tooth and you know it has to come out, but you are too afraid to go see the dentist in case ‘it hurts’! It already hurts! And the Dentist can fix it! He can take away the pain and you will sleep again! Maybe you are ill and dying and you are hard to convince that it is NEVER too late to turn to Jesus the Saviour. Sure! He may not reverse what’s happening to you but put your trust in HIM anyway! You have nothing to lose that THIS world has given you! Are you afraid of God? Is that what troubles you? Ask yourself why you are afraid, then ask Him to help you deal with your fear and He will tell you that HE! conquered death for YOUR sake. He tells us we will ‘live’ although we die and in that order!He tells us that the door to death is also the door to eternal life in Jesus! Its your FAITH or lack of that will take your ‘spirit’ away. Death is NOT the end. Turn your trust away from the flesh and trust in what is Holy! GOD is the Holy One. Amen Tony Illingworth ---- ...Amen! Thank you Tony! ===================================================================== >-->From HeartWarmers: >GOOD BLESSINGS ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / by Frank P. Cotter , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ He was seventy five years old or so, dressed in well worn clothes. His face was pale and gaunt, with sweat trickling down his wrinkled brow. He was struggling to walk down the side of a busy thoroughfare, while pushing an old, rusted moped alongside of him. A tattered sack was tied with rope to the back of the bike seat. He had obviously just come from the grocery store and was bringing his food home. My wife and I had just come from the used car dealership, trying to get them to take our two old vehicles as a trade-in on a "newer" used car. After an hour or more of haggling with the dealer, we were leaving empty handed. Our old vehicles had no trade-in value and we didn't have enough money to get another car without the trade-in. We were driving home in silence when we saw the strange looking old man. We suddenly realized that we really didn't have it so bad after all. At least we had each other and our cars didn't really seem so bad compared to the old man's dilapidated bike. We thought it strange that an elderly man (dressed for cooler weather, although it was summer) was out in the hot sun, pushing this old motorized scooter beside him. We were concerned that he man might have a heart attack and equally annoyed that so many people had passed him by without offering to help. We quickly pulled to the side of the road and I got out. I ran up to the old gentleman, who seemed more afraid than grateful at my offer to help. After looking back and seeing my wife in the truck, he realized we were safe. With a little effort, I was able to retrieve the bike and help him into my old pickup truck. It turns out the man lived over three miles away, most of it uphill. Although he was confused and tired, he was able to give us directions to where he lived. After awhile, a smile formed on his lips, and he finally began to get comfortable sitting between us. Eventually we found the house, located on a dead end street at the end of the block. The house was in a terrible state of disrepair, with overgrown trees and bushes practically covering the house. I took out his moped and brought it up to the front of the old garage that was adjacent to the house. We helped the old gentleman out of the truck and he turned and looked at both of us. He awkwardly mumbled something to the effect that he appreciated our help and he attempted to push several crumpled bills into my hand. "You owe us nothing" we said, "Just take care of yourself and be safe." We returned home to a message on the answering machine from the used car dealer. He had second thoughts and decided to take both of our old vehicles in on trade and to give us two "relatively new" vehicles with a substantial discount for purchasing both at once. He took care of all the financing and several days later presented us the keys and titles to the two vehicles that were practically new compared to what we were driving. We truly believe that our act of kindness set in motion the supernatural energy that caused the car dealer to have a change of heart. We continue, as we always have, to do good deeds whenever we can. We truly believe that acts of kindness are rewarded with good blessings. My wife and I are firm believers that unselfish acts create other acts of kindness. If all of us did just one good deed a day, can you imagine how much better this world would be? -- Frank P. Cotter ___________________________________________ Frank says, "I'm married to my wife Patty who has truly made my life worth living. I am the father of three children. I have worked for Rutgers Universtiy for the past thirty years." ==================================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: >Music from Yesterday....... ____ 3 ., _ ' `_ _______ --+-[---------.---(-)-----(@)----|-------|---.-----|-------------.- | ] | |~ |~ (@) _ | | |} | --+-[-----|---+---|-------|--|--(@)----------+-----|----------|}-+- |/ | | | | | |~ (@) _ | | _| .. | | --Y-------|---+---|-------|--|--|---|---(@)--+-|>( )------|---|--+ /|_ _| | `=_| | | |~ | ~ |>(@) | |-@-)---(@)---+-----------------|---|---|---+-------------------+- \_|/ ~ | | | | | --+-----------"-------------------------|----"-------------------"- | ._} --jw Do you like Oldies from the 60's, 70's and 80's? Keith's great friend Kurt David Engelhardt has a wonderful oldies radio show called Takin' Ya Back with Kurt David. It's now available at dozens of Internet radio stations on the web. For a schedule go to http://www.takinyaback.com/ It's radio the way it used to be (and ought to be). -<>- >About Prayer !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ See: Hebrews 5: 7. …he (Jesus) offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission… he learned obedience from what he suffered… Many years ago when I sat behind a big mahogany desk and had secretaries and division heads knocking at my door for access to my office, I began to realize that after five o'clock, they all went home and I had to stay to give my attention to my own work. It didn't take long before I got the idea to put a sign on my desk which read, "Be Brief - Be blunt - and Be Gone." I didn't want to be rude, but too many folks just come in to talk on the company's time and I felt obligated to give them my attention. When you look at the prayer that Jesus gave us (the Lord's Prayer), does it resemble the way you pray? Was it not somewhat brief, blunt, and to the point? I am not here to tell you the manner in which you should pray. God does not have a dimension of time as we do. When do our prayers go from flowery words, to heartfelt expressions of our inter-most concerns and desires? Dear friends, please understand that prayer is not a substitute for work, prayer IS our work, and we should to be about doing it. God does things in and through our lives by prayer that He does in no other way. When we pray in earnest, we submit our attention to God. We align our lives with His will. We abide in Him. All He requires is our fullest attention before He fills us with His presence. Submitted by Jack, USN58 @ aol.com -<>- + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >You Might Be In The Wrong Church If............ 101. The Sign at the sanctuary entrance says, "Adult Supervision Required." 100. The service in any way includes live chickens, especially when the offering plate is passed. 99. You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside. 98. The scripture lesson is on "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors." 97. The choir performs "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" - as a polka! 96. It's over 100 degrees outside, and the trustees haven't approved turning on the air conditioning yet. 95. Everyone drives a nicer car than the pastor. 94. They believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state. 93. The preacher is wearing a tuxedo done in Real Tree Cammo. 92. The sign out front says "First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship." (In Del Rio, Texas?) 91. A week before Christmas the pastor announces the church will be "closed for the holidays." (Actually happened). 90. At least one person isn't sitting on the back row. 89. They sing all of their hymns all the way through without skipping a verse in at least one during the service. 88. The announcements are read without any additions or corrections! 87. Everyone agrees the temperature in the Sanctuary is absolutely perfect! 86. You're on your way to a wedding and walk in on a funeral (or vice versa). 85. The music director has you sing "Amazing Grace" in a round (a la row row row your boat). 84. Three words: Pastor Larry King. 83. The pastor is out of town, but he leaves a video taped message to be shown during worship service. (Hey, our pastor did this last week). 82. The church picnic will be held at KFC this year. 81. You are a member of AARP but they ask you to attend "Children's Church." 80. There's no "Reserved For Minister" parking place, only a sign saying 'Visiting preachers can shelter their horses in the stable stall marked 'preacher'. 79. You can't hear the preacher because of all the women in the congregation clicking their knitting needles together. 78. The sign out front says "Church-Lite: Home of the original ten minute Sermonette, and the 7.5 Percent Tithe." 77. Every illustration the preacher uses somehow refers to "those hilarious Budweiser frogs". 76. The missions budget just got cut in half, but the church treasurer just bought a "kickin'" new Harley. 75. The Elders Council "prayer meetings" usually break up in a fight for the remote control. 74. New "Purpose-Driven" mission statement includes vague reference to jello-wrestling. 73. Most frequent complaint to worship committee: "Too much Charo, not enough Elvis." 72. New head greeters: Mike Tyson and WWF President Vince McMahon. 71. On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their pastor. (This really happened) 70. On the offering envelopes is printed "Please make checks payable directly to the pastor." 69. The usher that meets you at the door says "Hurry on in, the show is about ready to start." 68. The announcements last 20 minutes and include the starting time of the afternoon's NASCAR Race, the sermon lasts 6 minutes, and the benediction is "Christians, start your engines." 67. The pastor wears his golf togs in the pulpit. 66. The organist is Boris Karloff or appears to be his stunt double. 65. The floral arrangement on the altar is in the shape of a big horseshoe... that reads "Hollywood Park." 64. The acolytes are Roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over the altar candles. 63. A Hazmat team just sealed the doors and placed quarantine signs up. 62. People in the last 3 pews are yelling for more pepperoni pizza with anchovies. (Implying that it would be OK without anchovies?). 61. The 'choir' is wearing surgical scrubs and taking tissue samples. 60. Everyone is handcuffed together at the ankles before preaching starts (implying that being handcuffed at the ankles after preaching starts is OK?). 59. They're having a church raffle and the first prize is your house. The second prize is your car with your kids still in it. 58. You get a phone call from their national telemarketer on Monday trying to sell you Bibles at a discount by the case. 57. You are asked to fasten your seatbelt before the service begins moving. 56. You are told your offering is nice but the ushers want your wallet, watch and wedding rings too. 55. You are the only person in the sanctuary and it's 15 minutes after church is scheduled to start (Whoops, that's for the "you know you're at church at the wrong time" list). 54. All the ushers name tags are written S.A. Tan. 53. The visitation committee is made up entirely of a leather clad motorcycle gang, because they've found it helps "encourage" visitors to return. 52. The confessional has a coin slot and a hand lever. 51. The baptismal fount has bubbling water, is large enough to hold two or three seated adults and looks suspiciously like a jacuzi. 50. There is a spittoon at the end of each pew (Unless it is a "Cowboy" church). 49. The pastor search committee never disbands. 48. If the pastor's home is bigger than the sanctuary. 47. You have to tip the usher to get a good seat right up front... 46. Four Words: Associate Pastor Don King (Yes, and still without a comb). 45. The pastor is introduced with a Johnny Carson style "Heeeeere's Sparky." 44. Just before the sermon, cups of strong black coffee are distributed along the pews. 43. The minister falls asleep while delivering his own sermon. 42. The ushers passing around the offering basket are wearing ski masks and carrying guns. 41. The band for the services has a tip jar on the loudspeaker and all the songs are about money. 40. The free nursery is run by former circus sideshow performers who illustrate lessons using the tattoos of Bible Stories on their arms. 39. They ask if you have a passport and they want you to travel to another country to join them for the "evening" service. 38. They have a life-sized figurine of Rajneesh behind the altar. 37. They have a volunteer blood drive in the morning service- that is to be used for some vague purpose in the evening service. 36. When you ask if someone forgot to pay the light bill they say -no. 35. Instead of having a baptism before service, they have a branding. 34. They Don't have at least one person who prays in King James English. 33. The Bible they use is the Dr. Suess version 32. The Choir wears black leather robes 31. They have Karaoke worship time (We do this EVERY sunday) 30 The only song the organist knows is 'Inna-gadda-da-vida' 29 The sanctuary has only entrances, no "exits"! 28 The ushers look mysteriously like "Men in Black"! (Yes, with sunglasses) 27 The offering plate has been passed three times and the sermon hasn't even begun yet. 26. The people in the pew next to you brought a sack lunch. 25 The bulletin has advertisements for THE GUNS AND GUTS TAVERN with the the Sunday ROAD KILL Buffett! 24 The acolyte is the youngest member of the congregation, and she is 78. 23 The pastor's sermon begins: "Let me tell you about my book." 22 The music minister announces that the liturgy will be sung to the tune of "Wagner's Etude in F sharp minor" and raises his baton. 21 The pastor announces that the sanctuary is too warm for robes and removes his to reveal a pair of speedos underneath. 20. When the choir sings the dogs outside begin to howl, and are closer to being in tune. 19. New member candidates are required to submit W-2's for the last 10 years. 18. The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound". 17. You discover the church refers to the 10 commandments as the 10 suggestions or offers to let you "pick any six." 16. The chancel cross has been replaced with a bronze pyramid. 15. The Pastor preaches an eloquent sermon on ancient heresies and the elders want to make them part of the doctrinal statement. 14. The New Member's kit includes a certificate of membership, a Bible, church-by-laws, and an assault rifle. 13. The Pastoral Search Committee announces that they discovered a great candidate except for one thing--- she's divorced. 12. the Deacons are all sitting on the front row and wearing Nazi uniforms. 11. You're the only person in the congregation who is carrying a Bible, including the preacher. 10. The Ushers ask "Smoking or nonsmoking?" 9. The Regular pastoral retreats almost always seem to be in either Las Vegas or Atlantic City. 8. The Church bus has a gun rack 7. Instead of the King James Version, pastor uses a copy of "The Shooter's Bible." 6. There's an ATM machine in the vestibule. 5. Worship services are BYOS: Bring Your Own Snake. 4. One of the deacons keeps insisting he's STILL married to Carmen Electra. 3. The Ministry staff consists of Pastor, Assistant Pastor, and Socio-pastor. 2. Members of the Women's quartet are all married to the pastor. ...and the number one sign you might be in the wrong church... 'They have open Communion ...but there is a two-drink minimum This post is brought you in a spirit of good clean fun by way of the Sermon Fodder list. To subscribe drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@onelist.com. Copyright 2000 by Keith Todd and the Sermon Fodder List. Please leave this copyright notice attached if you forward this to friends. =========================================== Hey All: For all of you who contributed to our 101 Reasons You Might Be in the Wrong Church, Thanks. We've tried to avoid references that might be offensive to individual denominations. Remember, this is all in good fun, not to offend anyone. The response has already illustrated the need for a list specifically for "pastors who might be in the wrong church." Send in your contributions with "Contribution" in the subject line. Special thanks to Teresa over at Teresa's Jokers for her contribution. Jeff Foxworthy would be proud. --The Sermon Fodder Guy -<>- >My Old Watch _.---._ /,-"0"-.\ // | \\ ||9 o 3|D by Joseph Mazella \\ `. // \`-.6.-'/ `=---=' hjw These are evil times, so make every minute count. (Ephesians 5:16) I have had the same watch for twenty-four years. It was a gift from an uncle. He gave it to me when I was just fourteen. It was one of the first digital watches ever made, and it weighs about two pounds. I have gone through about five watchbands wearing it over the years. In addition, some of the numbers on the display are getting hard to read. Still, I keep buying new batteries for it and refuse to get a new one as long as this one works. My wrist feels strange without my old watch's familiar weight on it and my heart still feels a touch of warmth from my late uncle's love when I look at it. A part of me is reassured when I look down at this old timepiece and still see it working away after all these years. It gives me hope for myself in the years ahead of me. This body of mine recently just turned thirty-eight years old. This means that if I live an average life span on this world, then half my life is already over. Since a large part of the first half of my life was spent figuring out what life is all about, this only leaves me the last half to really live my life the way it was meant to be lived -- choosing and sharing love, joy, and oneness with God. I take hope seeing my old watch still working away after most watches are thrown away. It reminds me that I can keep working away, too, and bring a little Heaven to Earth, no matter how old I get. Whether you are a new clock, an old watch, or an ancient timepiece, remember that you still have time to make a wonderful difference in this world. You still have time to warm some hearts with your love, touch some souls with your joy, and heal a few lives with your light. You still have the time to live like you were meant to live, to love like you were born to love, and to be one with God like you were designed to be. You still have the time to bring a little Heaven down to Earth and to ready your soul to fly from Earth back to the Father. [Jesus said] "You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it useful again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world -- like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father." (Matthew 5:13-16 NLT) --------- (c) 2004 Joseph Mazzella. This article originally appeared in the Just a Minute inspirational email, and is reprinted here with their kind permission. ======================================================================= >-->Here I'll Stand ~ ---.____ ,/k. ___,---' / ih,__,-----.___ ,-' , `:7b----.__---` _.-/ ' /b.`.4p, --" , ,-' ^6x, `."^=._ itz I have climbed the highest mountain, After braving a winter's storm. At the top, there was a lighthouse; A place that's safe and warm. I wondered if I'd make it. The way was often rough. But, I found I had the courage. My faith was just enough. The wandering and waiting Gave me time enough to think, Even though my troubled soul Was sometimes at the brink. If you haven't made this journey, Feeling no hope was in sight, Well, let me tell you now, my friend, At the end there is a light. You won't be as you were before. But, you'll find some comfort here. In the place above the storms and gales, You'll overcome your fears. So, rest a while and linger. Take time to claim your soul And know that all is truly well. God's love is in control. ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: a href="http://tinyurl.com/2vrfzv">This Weeks regular Shangy emails ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES IN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or yyou'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************