>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friends Linda and Geniann. It is one that is sure to give you plenty of heartwarming smiles! Check it out here and be sure to view the amazing video here too: __ (`/\ `=\/\ __...--~~~~~-._ _.-~~~~~--...__ `=\/\ \ / \\ `=\/ V \\ //_\___--~~~~~~-._ | _.-~~~~~~--...__\\ // ) (..----~~~~._\ | /_.~~~~----.....__\\ ===( INK )==========\\|//==================== __ejm\___/________dwb`---`_______________________________ Short Life Stories! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifestories.html --- ...Wow! Love a good short story! Thanks Ladies! -<>- . .' `. .' .'. `. .' .' `. `. .' .' `. `. .' .' `. `. .' .'| _________ |`. `. `'| | | | | |`' | | | _ _ | | | | | | ( " ) } | | | | | \ / | | | | | | " | | | | | | | | | | |,+' | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | } | | | | | | | | ,,,,,,,,|,|,|,,,,,,,,,|,|,|,,,,,,,,,,,,,, VK >Speaking Out: Transgender Bathrooms In yesterday's EXTRA I was ranting about this saying... I watched the O'Reilly show on Monday and he surprised me. He, like so many, think this is a 'no issue' since the new Obama law while it mandates that transgenders be allowed to use the public facility that corresponds with their gender identity rather than their biological gender, it also gives the right for public facilities to have a separate bathroom, dressing room, shower etc for transgenders. Transgenders account for less then 2% of our population. While this sounds all well and good, O'Reilly is not taking into account the fact that many cities and small business cannot afford to build these separate facilities. For example, in my own town my neighbor friend had called last year to get her tree by the street trimmed by the city because she was afraid the limb would come crashing down on her house. She was informed that she'd have to wait until next year because the city was out of money and couldn't do it. This was months before the end of the year. Many of our schools around the US have had to cancel bus service for their children due to lack of funds for it. How are these cities going to be able to afford installing new bathrooms, showers and dressing rooms in their schools, libraries, parks, courthouses etc? Many of our small stores have closed and their buildings are left vacant since Obamacare took force and drove them out of business. This added burden on our cities and small business will only cause most of them to not have an added facility installed - which leads to my greatest concern... It is Not about transgenders, but about the perverts who will exploit this law to their own advantage. Like this guy... http://tinyurl.com/zwpyfbt The Legal Battle Over North Carolina’s ‘Bathroom Bill’ Is Just Getting Started http://tinyurl.com/jqd9dvk Ben Carson Calls Out Obama DOJ Over Trans Bathroom Issue: ‘Bunch Of Crap’ http://email.liftablemedia.com/t/i-l-hkllddt-uklreijy-f/ Boom: Phil Robertson Makes UNPRECEDENTED Move On Trans Bathroom Issue -'I've Got A Radical Idea...' http://email.liftablemedia.com/t/i-l-hkllddt-uklreijy-i/ Sign the AFA Pledge to Boycott Target Stores Now! http://tinyurl.com/zp5b7n4 *~* UPDATE: oxoxoo ooxoo ooxoxo oo oxoxooo oooo xxoxoo ooo ooox oxo o oxoxo xoxxoxo oxo xooxoooo o ooo ooo\oo\ /o/o \ \/ / | / | | | D| | | | | ______/____\____ Christopher S McDowell Well, I do have an unexpected update. My city is out there right now trimming my neighbor's tree. The one she complained about last year to them and they told her she'd have to wait until they could afford to trim it as there was no money left to do it. Will wonders never cease? It seems rather a big coinkydink that I just talked about this yesterday and they show up the next morning. Probably just me. I don't figure any one around here much cares about my rantings. Wow! They are cutting the whole tree down! One way to solve the problem. Sorry to see it go though. ALSO AFA sent me an update: BoycottTarget petitions delivered: Read Target's response http://tinyurl.com/hfgbeus =========================================================== >-->From Heartwarmers: Two tooth brushes ___ ___ /\ ..\_ _/ /\ \/\ _) (_'' /\/ \/\ o\ / . /\/ \/\_ ) ( _/\/ Faucet \/_)( )(_\/ ____ (__\______________/__) |___|\ |\ \ / /| | \ Tube of | \ \ / / | | \ toothpaste | \ \ / / | | \ ___ | \ \ / / | ____ | \ ____ / _ \ ______ | \ \ / / | /|_||\|________\/|_||\___ / // // \ \ | \ \ / / | _________________________\-\ \_// \/-__ -\__ \__)(__/ __/--- \_________ / |||| [][][][][][][][][] """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" unknown >CONTROLLING NATURE by Joseph Walker A toothbrush. That's all I needed. But not just any old toothbrush. None of your bargain basement, wimpy bristled, use-it-twice-then-throw-it-out toothbrushes this time. No sir. This time I was going to get a toothbrush that could withstand the beating I seem to inflict upon instruments of dental hygiene (you should see what I do to dental floss -- it isn't pretty). Perhaps I have toothbrush-intolerant enamel. Or perhaps I have latent hostility issues that cause me to turn in to Iron Man in front of the bathroom mirror. Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I grew up with two dentist brothers-in-law who insisted on vigorous brushing -- or else. Whatever the reason, I am hard on toothbrushes. My wife, Anita, is still using that really nice toothbrush I gave her for our 28th wedding anniversary five years ago (what, you've never heard of the Toothbrush Anniversary?) I, on the other hand, go through them like Lady Gaga goes through sequins. I buy a toothbrush, it works well for a few days, and then, before you know it, the bristles stop bristling. Or the handle breaks. Or the brush doesn't brush -- it just sort of rubs. So I was determined to get the best toothbrush I could find. It was the only thing I needed when I walked into the store that day. I was prepared to spend as much as three or four dollars on the brush. Little did I know that three or four dollars wouldn't even constitute a decent down payment on a state-of-the-art toothbrush. There are toothbrushes with engines -- I'm not kidding about this. They have more horsepower than my Hyundai. I don't want to compete in the Indianapolis 500. I just want to brush my teeth. Finally I settled on a nice, sturdy, no-nonsense toothbrush that looked like it would get the job done for at least the rest of the month. Then I noticed that this toothbrush was also available in a five-pack for even less per toothbrush than I was going to pay for the one I had selected. If one toothbrush is good, then five is even better, isn't it? Sure, it was more than I was planning to spend during this trip to the store. But it would be worth it in the long run. Wouldn't it? After picking up the box o' brushes I noticed another good deal: a package of four tubes of our favorite toothpaste for a very good price. Well, I couldn't pass on that deal, could I? It seemed so cosmically synergistic: toothbrushes and toothpaste. It flowed naturally from one to the other -- and such good prices! Then I noticed another great price on a multi-bar pack of soap. And then another great deal on shampoo. And they had such a good price on "The Blind Side"... Nearly $100 later I escaped from the store with my debit card smoking. Of course, this isn't unusual for me. Anita often sends me to the store with a five-item list, and I end up at the checkout stand with a fully loaded shopping cart. It's called impulse buying, and I'm about as impulsive as they come. I'm the reason store managers prepare those attractive displays and mega- sales offers -- they want to entice me into being impulsive. And usually I oblige. But no more. Although it is my nature to be impulsive in the grocery store, I've decided it is time to go against my nature. Our burgeoning cupboards and our crashing budget both demand it -- not to mention Anita. And that's OK, I think. One of the most important things we learn in this life is when to trust and act upon our natural inclinations, and when to control them. There are times when "that's just how I am" is an explanation, and times when it's a cop-out. Even when dental hygiene is at stake. -- Joseph Walker =========================================================== >-->From Archives InspiredBuffalo: .---. .---. ,';' `.';' `.. f :Bo. ` d88: `\ /d88P' `\ ; /d888P' `. ',d8&8P' : ;d8&7' | :8: | qx "Love In The Home" If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place, but have not love, I am a housekeeper - not a homemaker. If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements, but have not love, my children learn cleanliness - not godliness. Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh. Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window. Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk. Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys. Love is present through the trials. Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive. Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood. Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a child's heart. Before I became a mother I took glory in my house of perfection. Now I glory in God's perfection of my child. As a mother, there is much I must teach my child, but the greatest of all is love. --Author Unknown -<>- _________________________________________________________ ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||.--. .-._ .----. || |||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ || ||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---||| |||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ ||| |||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---||| ||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| || ___ .-.__.-----. .---.|| || |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^||| || , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q ||| || _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R ||| || '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y ||| ||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z ||| || _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^||| || `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||_______________________________________________________|| Qryz >BOOKS By: Joseph J. Mazzella My dear friend and neighbor gave me some new books recently. As I looked through them I decided to follow the advice of one of my favorite authors, Leo Buscaglia. Taking Leo’s lead then I ignored the covers, skipped the introductions, and dived right into the middle of them. Opening each book halfway through I started to read. I have found that this is often the best way to see if a book can grab your mind, speak to your heart, and touch your soul. In the best books a few lines can say more to you than a chapter and a single page can enlighten you more than a dozen volumes. Both of my friend’s books did just this and I look forward to reading them from end to end. Whether we know it or not each of us is writing a book right now. It is called our life story and we pen it every day we live and with every choice we make. Some people spend a lot of time working on their covers. They throw all their efforts into making them as attractive as possible. Other people spend their time writing and rewriting their introductions. They hope that a great introduction will lead to a great life. What all of these people don’t realize is that life is the pages that follow. Life is the thoughts we think, the love we share, and the good we do everyday. Life is the joyous times we create as well as the pains and trials we learn from. Life is work, play, kindness, laughter, family, and friendships. Life is living. When it comes to your life story then don’t spend too much time on the cover and let the introduction write itself. Concentrate instead on filling the rest of your pages with living, loving, and learning and always let God be your co-writer. If you do your book will grab a lot of minds, speak to a lot of hearts, and touch a lot of souls with its wisdom and light. It may just end up being a classic both on Earth and in Heaven. -<>- Bleeding Hearts /~, .-.-.~ ~/.-.-. '. .' ,___.-.-.'. .'~ ~/! ~/, '. .'\ ! ___/,! .-.-. ! \! / .-.-. '. .' ! ,|/ '. .' ! |~ ! ! ~| ! \|/ lc ~"^"~"^"~ >Dead People Do Bleed! (Author Unknown, Provided by Student Discipleship Ministries, TX) Have you ever tried to explain something to a hardheaded person? It can be frustrating! No matter how clear an explanation you give, they just can't or won't understand what you are talking about. Dr. James Dobson shares about a young medical intern who had to work at several different types of facilities, including a psychiatric hospital. The intern, who did not know anything about psychiatric medicine, decided the right approach was to confront the patients with the facts of reality. One man in the hospital was an especially difficult case: He believed he was dead. In fact, the patient went around the hospital telling people that he had been dead for some time now. The young intern sat down with the psychotic man one day and began to reason with him. "Tell me, sir," the future doctor asked, "do dead people bleed?" The patient, a serious look on his face, answered, "No. Of course dead people don't bleed. Everyone knows that." Taking the patient's thumb, the intern pricked it with a needle and squeezed the thumb until a small drop of blood appeared. A look of triumph on his face, the intern asked, "Well?" "What do you know?" the patient replied. "Dead people do bleed!" Even harder than explaining reality to a hardheaded person is explaining spiritual truths to a spiritually blind person. 2 Corinthians 4:1-6 (NIV) says: "Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." Who is the one who blinds spiritual eyes? Think about the names of two spiritually-blind people you can pray for and then do it. -<>- >Links for Your Enjoyment: Choose His Children http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/choosehischildren.html A KAIROS Moment! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/kairosmoment.html Walking In Power! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/walkingpower.html Creation VS Coincidence http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/creationvscoincidence.html Final Toast! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/finaltoast.html Having Fun With Pun! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/punnyanimals.html Here's Your Frog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.html Last Day! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lastday.html 3D Liquid Floors! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/3dfloors.html Amazing Blind Artist! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blindartist.html Chalk Art 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart4.html Adorable Wrinkly Puppies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wrinklypuppies.html Cute Australian Wildlife! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australiaanimals.html Identity Theft 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Jellyfish Lake! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html -<>- >Recalls CRF Frozen Foods Expands Voluntary Recall to Include All Frozen Vegetable and Fruit Products Due To Possible Health Risk: This expanded recall of frozen vegetables includes all of the frozen organic and traditional fruit and vegetable products manufactured or processed in CRF Frozen Foods' Pasco facility since May 1, 2014. http://www.fda.gov/Safety/Recalls/ucm498841.htm Ajinomoto Windsor Recall of Products Related to CRF Frozen Vegetable Recall http://www.fda.gov/Safety/Recalls/ucm499858.htm -<>- >From Franklin Graham: New Stops Announced http://tinyurl.com/jyowkdm -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) Ronald Reagan Humor - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/wrRTau5jusU --- ...LOL! Good one! Thanks Fran! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) She sent us one we have here... Come Smile With Me! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smilewithme.html Jackson, the most helpful dog ever. http://www.wimp.com/jackson-the-most-helpful-dog-ever/ --- ...Sweet! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaFl: A Message to President Obama from a former Muslim https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqNH0hDqVu4 --- ...Interesting read. Thanks EdLaFl! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Gluten-Free Tropical Fried Rice http://tinyurl.com/hd5aayb Asparagus Cauliflower Veggie Tots Recipe http://tinyurl.com/h2ka648 --- ...Sounds yummy! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Winner of Best Comedy Magician at the World Magic Awards, Kevin James performs the most unbelievable illusion. You have to see it to believe it, and even then, you may doubt what you are seeing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65ASzyUsOv0&feature=player_embedded One of the most exciting and impressive illusions performed by Dani Lary, a world renowned magician and illusionist, this magic show is one you will never forget, I guarantee it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fx1L4bsjCf0 You'll get a backache just watching this young lady contort her body. The unbelievable Zlata is from Slovenia, and is one of only a handful of people in the world that can bend their bodies in this way. Apparently the key to her incredible ability is her ligaments, which have not hardened as most adults' typically do. Be prepared to be amazed (and wince!) when watching this video of her performing on Slovenian show, "No Kidding": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x35DOpi6i_4&feature=player_embedded --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! Visit Melissa's Online Store You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at the online store http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html ========================================================== ,@@@@@@@, ,,,. ,@@@@@@/@@, .oo8888o. ,&%%&%&&%,@@@@@/@@@@@@,8888\88/8o ,%&\%&&%&&%,@@@\@@@/@@@88\88888/88' %&&%&%&/%&&%@@\@@/ /@@@88888\88888' %&&%/ %&%%&&@@\ V /@@' `88\8 `/88' `&%\ ` /%&' |.| \ '|8' |o| | | | | |.| | | | | jgs \\/ ._\//_/__/ ,\_//__\\/. \_//__/_ >The Tree Story Editor: by Amberly Neese Joyce Schowalter California, USA My husband's grandmother, Mary, had always been an agriculture artist. She took such painstaking joy in her beautiful gardens, and each component of her yard vividly illustrated her passion for plants. When she and Grandpa moved from one part of southern California to another, she viewed her new garden as a new adventure and immediately went to work. However, there was a fruit tree in the middle of the yard that refused to bear fruit despite Grandma's nurturing. As a voracious reader, she studied all she could on fruit trees in an attempt to find some hint to encourage her fruit tree to blossom. She spoke to the tree, sang to the tree, reasoned with this tree -- all to no avail. Finally, she contacted the California Department of Agriculture and asked to speak to a manager. She explained her challenges to the man on the other end of the phone, took notes on his every word, and determined that she would adhere to his advice. After reciting a long list of hints, all of which she had already done, he made a dramatic suggestion. He told her to hit the base of the tree with a broomstick "to stimulate its roots". Concerned about what the neighbors might think of a woman in her seventies beating a tree, Grandma looked both ways before taking the end of a broom to the stubborn fruit tree. She knew that the vibrations would indeed find their way down to the atrophied root system and invigorate the tree, but she doubted that fruit would be the result of such an unorthodox approach. To her shock and amazement, the next spring the tree bore much fruit. Her grandchildren enjoyed the product of the tree for years to come, and each year the fruit was more plentiful and healthy. We would often laugh together at how silly this beautiful elderly woman must have looked to anyone watching as she hit the defenseless tree. The story will always serve as a great source of joy for our family. A few months before her death, when I was going through an especially difficult time, I called Grandma for advice. We reminisced about the "tree story" and she reminded me that it was the times of adversity for the tree that allowed its greatest strength and value to come to fruition. She lovingly reflected that my roots were being stimulated by the personal trials I was facing, and that I would be a more fruitful 'tree' because of them. She was not only an amazing gardener, she was a wise grandma. =======HeroicStories======= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) __ @@;, ( ; ? : ); _| |_ | | || | | _| |_ | \ \ \/ || \/ ___ / / | __| |\ __||____||___||______/| | ||| | |_______ _________| | ||| ||| |____ | | ____| ||| Design by \ \______ ) | | / ______/ / || | | | | | /___| || Samule J. Neptune || | | |_ /| | |\ _| || || || | \__, / | | | \<__/ | || >Wonderful Story A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, TN. One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, 'I hope he doesn't come over here.' But sure enough, the man did come over to their table. 'Where are you folks from?' he asked in a friendly voice. 'Oklahoma,' they answered.'Great to have you here in Tennessee,' the stranger said. 'What do you do for a living?' 'I teach at a seminary, 'he replied. 'Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I've got a really great story for you.' And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple. The professor groaned and thought to himself, 'Great .. Just what I need .. another preacher story!' The man started, 'See that mountain over there? (pointing out the restaurant window). Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, 'Who's your daddy?' He would hide at recess and lunch time from other students. He would avoid going in to stores because that question hurt him so bad. 'When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?' But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast that he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, 'Son, who's your daddy?' The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, 'Who's your daddy?' This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy... 'Wait a minute! I know who you are! I see the family resemblance now, You are a child of God.' With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, 'Boy, you've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.' 'With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person.. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your Daddy?' he'd just tell them , 'I'm a Child of God..'' The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, 'Isn't that a great story?' The professor responded that it really was a great story! As the man turned to leave, he said, 'You know, if that new preacher hadn't told me that I was one of God's children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!' And he walked away. The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over asked her, 'Do you know who that man was -- the one who just left that was sitting at our table?' The waitress grinned and said, 'Of course. Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's governor of Tennessee.' Someone in your life today needs a reminder that they're one of God's children. Prov.30: [5] Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. YOU'RE ONE OF GOD'S CHILDREN. HAVE A GREAT DAY. Keep this going. You have no idea which one of Your e-mail buddies could use a little hope today. --- ...A wonderful classic! Still need tissues reading it! Thanks Linda! ========================================================== >-->From Kidwarmers: &&& && && &&&&. &&& .&&&&& && &&& &&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&& & &` && && .&&&&& &&&; &8 .&&&: && &` & && 8&& & `& && && .&_ oO_&.-.-. && ( __ -/--' &&~ .'-__-'& &&&~`'\`& &&&~` _& &&&&` && &&8&&&& &&&&&&& & &&&&&&& &&;&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& ~~~ .~~~~~ `&&&&&&&&& ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~;!&&&&&&&&&&~/~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ BP >THE FUNNIEST THINGS KIDS SAY Ben, 3, had an adorable new baby sister. He called his Grandma Jo to tell her about Emily. Ben said Emily had red hair and was really cute but he didn't know why his Daddy Bryan said she was "a door bell! " -- Jo of Plymouth, Minnesota Here is another one from Jo. Family relationships can be confusing in this day and age. When Bryan was 6, his father and step-mother had a baby. They were talking about families in school that week so Bryan told the class he had a mom, brother, dad, step-mom, and beaming with pride, he announced he had a brand new "ex-step-half-sister!" While visiting a local amusement park Claire, 4, was so excited and wanted to go on every ride. She pointed to the roller coaster and exclaimed, "I want to go the roller toaster!" -- Alison Hummel (mother of Claire) of Danville, Pennsylvania Kenzie, 2, thinks of her father as a hero. One day he picked her up from daycare and as he was getting her out of the carseat she saw that he had several scratches on his hand and arm. (He had been in the woods hunting over the weekend. ) Kenzie was rubbing it and said, "Daddy has a boo-boo?" and he said "Yeah, Daddy has a boo-boo." She then looked at him so seriously with much caring and love and asked, "Did a tiger bite you?" -- Patsy Campbell (grandmother of Kenzie) of Portland, Tennessee __ _.-~ ) _..--~~~~,' ,-/ _ .-'. . . .' ,-',' ,' ) ,'. . . _ ,--~,-'__..-' ,' ,'. . . (@)' ---~~~~ ,' /. . . . '~~ ,-' /. . . . . ,-' ; . . . . - . ,' : . . . . _ / . . . . . `-.: . . . ./ - . ) . . . | _____..---.._/ ____ Seal _ ~---~~~~----~~~~ ~~ Alice's daughter had to have a hysterectomy so her sister took care of little Shawn for the weekend. Shawn's aunt was explaining to him about the surgery, and to be anatomically correct, she told him that his mother was having her uterus out. Melissa explained to him that the uterus is where babies grow. Later, at a restaurant, Shawn told the waitress that his mother had surgery. She said she hoped she was better. Then in a voice heard around the world, he said, "Yep, she had her baby maker cut out!" -- Alice Riley of Nashville, Tennessee Many years ago when Lynda's daughter, Kristen, was young, there were a lot of commercials on radio and television for a CD by Zmfir, who played the pan flute. There were many jokes about this commercial. One day, Kristen got Lynda aside and said that she really wanted the Zamfir CD. She liked the music. Lynda pretended mock horror and told her they would have to buy that incognito. Kristen said very seriously, "No Mom, we can get it right here in Wesleyville." -- Lynda S. Kelley of Erie, Pennsylvania Debbi's third grade class was writing stories. They were given four cards. Each group had a character, a prop, a location, and a problem, and they had to come up with a story using what was on their cards. Antynisha picked a card that read "GRUNGE: a rock musician." When Debbi told her that was someone who played rock music, she asked, "You mean, there are people who play music just for rocks?" -- Debbi Armstrong of Orlando, Florida Cali, 3, was helping her mom pick clothes up off the couch. It was a hot day outside and Cali got a long-sleeved sweater from the couch. She told her mom she could not put this sweater on because she might want to go back outside and she would have a hot stroke! -- Cathy of Dillard, Georgia _..._ ___ .:::::::. `"-._.-''. , /:::::::::\ ': \ _._ \:-::::::::::::\ :. | /|.-' /:::\ \::::::::\:::::| ': | | / |:::| `:::::::|:::::\ ': | `\ | __ |\::/\ `-:::-|::::::| ': | .`\ .\_.' `.__/ | |::::::\ ':. | \ ';:: /.-._ , / |:::::::| :. / ,`\;:: \'./0) |_.-/ ;:::::::| ': | \.`;::. `` | | \::::::/ :' / _\::::' / / \::::| :' / ,=:;::/ | \:::| :' | (='` // / | \::\ `: / '--' | /\ | \:::. `:_|.-"""-. \__.-'/::\ | '::::.:::...:::. '. /:::| | '::/::::::::::::. '-.__.:::::| | |::::::::::::\::..../::::::| / |:::::::::::::|::::/:::::::// \:::::::::::::|'::/::::::::/ /\::::::::::::/ /:::::::/:| |::';:::::::::/ |::::::/::; |:::/`-:::::;;-._ |:::::/::/ |:::| `-::::\ `|::::/::/ jgs |:::| \:::\ \:::/::/ /:::/ \:::\ \:/\:/ (_::/ \:::;__ \\_\\___ (_:/ \::):):)\:::):):) `" `""""` `""""""` When Nick was about 3 they were driving and came across the unpleasant odor of a skunk that had been hit by a car. From his carseat in the back he blurted, "Whew, I hear a snunk!" Obviously he meant to say he smelled a skunk but for the last 16 years any time anyone in the family smells that odor they "hears a snunk!" -- Christine Searle (mother of Nick) of Ohio Bridget turned 13 this April. Last year on her birthday they were in Florida at Disneyworld. Her mom told her there was no way to top that party and they would have to go back to square one and celebrate like they did when she was younger. Her reply: "Sorry, a Happy Meal just won't cut it anymore." -- Nancy (Bridget's mom) of Negaunee, Michigan Christy babysits for JoAnn, 2. One day they were talking about families, and Christy asked JoAnn what her name was. She said, "My name is DoAnn." Then, Christy asked her what her Mommy's name was. She said, "It's Balerie" (Valerie). When Christy asked her what her Daddy's name was, she said, "McDonald! Daddy is McDonald! I like fries!" (Her daddy's name is Donald.) -- Christy of Lynchburg, Virginia On the first day of kindergarten Matthew was so excited to start school in California. His grandparents were vacationing with Matthew's family and were fortunate enough to be able to go with Matthew and his mom (Alicia) to school on the first morning. They took lots of pictures. The grandparents also went with Alicia to pick Matthew up after school. Earla asked Matthew how his first day at school went and he replied, "It was okay, but I'm not going back. "Earla had to break the news to him that from now on he would be going to school until he was 18 years old as it was the law. He just looked at Earla and said, "Oh no." -- Earla Hollon (grandmother) of Pasadena, Texas o o \__/,'`.,'`._, /,-. \ / <_, > - )/ / <_, \__,/ / ,' _/_(_/______/__ ( (_ ,,--'---^,\\ ___/ \ / ___,' /,---' \\ \_ `. ` / `. \ | \_ \ |/\/\/\| `. \ \ | /\ `.`. \( /\ \ `.`. | \ `.`._, `-\_, | /| `-' |/\( |(_\\_ | / \ ( /_/gnv\_\ Here is the letter, exactly as she wrote it, that Christie's daughter left for the Tooth Fairy. "Dear Tooth Fairy, I'm so glad I lost this tooth! I spent a month trying to pull it out. OH! By the way. When do you think I'll get my molars? You can look in my mouth if you want to. Can you talk to my dentist about all the money he's costing my mom? Thank you. Well I better stop talking so you can grab my tooth and go to the other kids. Love, Peyton" -- Christie Lewis of Twin Falls, Idaho A friend of Jordan, 7, broke Jordan's bike and so his parents purchased him a new one. When Jordan's father gave him his new bike he said, "You know the three rules about your new bike, right?" Jordan quickly replied, "I know. I know. Nobody rides my bike. Nobody rides my bike. Nobody rides my bike! " -- Jordan is the son of Alicia and Patrick Snow of Kendallville, Indiana Here is another one from Patrick. He, Brian, 8, and Jordan, 7, went shoe shopping. Jordan found some Sketcher shoes. They were $30. Brian told Jordan he couldn't have them. "It's not about the name, it's about the price! And you can't have them!" Brian told his younger brother. ___________,_____ | | # |=====| | | (_) |=====| |> _ |_____|=====| | [_] | | | | |_____|=====| | | |_____| | ] |_____| | | |_____|=====| | | ___ |_____| |> |[___]| | | |[___]|=====| |_____|=====|_____| jgs [###########] One day, out of the blue, 4-year-old Jacob declared that he was all done with school. Confused by the sudden change in attitude, his mother asked him why. His response: "The fridge is full." (After that comment his mother took down some of his artwork so there would be room for more!) -- Julie Nusbaum of Hamilton, Indiana Note: You are welcomed to use, copy and share these stories, but please reference http://www.funnykids.com as the source. ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) \ | / -- * -- / | \ /') ./') ('\. ('\ /' /.--''./'') (''\.''--.\ '\ :--'' ; ''./'') (''\.'' ; ''--: : ' ''./') ('\.'' ' : : ''./' '\.'' : :--''-..--'''' ''''--..-''--: dp >My Hand in God's Hand (by Florence Scripps Kellogg) Each morning when I wake, I say, "I place my hand in God's today!" I know He'll walk close by my side my every wandering step to guide. He leads me with the tenderest care when paths are dark and I despair, no need for me to understand if I but hold fast to His Hand. My hand in His! No surer way to walk in safety through each day. By His great bounty I am fed! Warmed by His love, and comforted. When at day's end I seek my rest and realize how much I am blessed, My thanks pour out to Him, and then I place my hand in God's again. --- ...Beautiful! 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