158 Years Ago And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo _ _ *"_"* *"_"* /_ `\ _..._ _..._ /`_`\ |/ `-.| .' '. .' '. ( / \ ) \^_^/ / \ , / ')\^_^/( __> <_/ \ , \`--' .--. (_.> <._)` '-' `\ .---. '--`/ jgs '.__.' '._/ \_/ \ \.' '.__.' >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? Everyone nowadays is feeling the shrinking crunch of this financial crisis and ShangralaFamilyFun.com is no exception. Paul and I try to do it all, but it is a lot easier with a little help from our friends! If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is appreciated - even just 5 dollars! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* A Super Big THANK YOU AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy" Press... This awesome one comes from our friend Viv - getting us in the mood for Christmas! |L ,' ` /.o `, `, |-`, -', ' `,'_) '\ ,' `-`, _`o,- (_)/ '_ ' o `-, / ,-L `-' _`-`_ , `'. ;. (,' `| `.-. \ ,``_' (_) o `' ,` '_ ,|\ o _ \ /..-(_)' |','..-`(_)-` | | -bf- --' `-- Redneck Christmas Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html --- ...This was way too cool! Thank You Viv! *~* PLEASE BE SURE TO PASS THIS ON - - Thank You! -<>- .-"-. / _ \ | / \ | _|_|_|_|_ "--...-". . "---...--jro"" . . . . (( // _ ('< <') _ . . . \ | /|) (|\ | / \|.'/: :\`.|/ . `._.' `._.' . . || . <| . . . ^^. ^ . . "Yeah, well, I couldn't take anymore, so I told the big bully he could just go and cluck himself." >-->A NOTICE From Our Friends At JibJab: JokeBox Users: Three years ago, my brother and I conceived JokeBox as a place on the web for people to share laughs. Since then, an amazing community has flourished around that idea and built the biggest joke database in the world. Today, JokeBox has over 140,000 video, text, photo and audio jokes that have been seen hundreds of millions of times. Given that success, it is with deep regret that we are announcing that we are taking JokeBox offline as of December 11, 2008. Why are we shutting down a product that has generated such amazing content and traffic? The same reason so many businesses are doing not-pleasant things these days: economic reality. We have discovered that advertisers refuse to support a "user-generated content" product. The high cost of streaming millions of videos without accompanying revenues is not sustainable. My brother and I have a gigantic responsibility to our 38 amazing co-workers to build a viable business and, accordingly, have made the difficult decision to focus on products that can sustain themselves in 2009. What does this mean for you? * Access to all video, photo, text and audio jokes in JokeBox, including ones you uploaded, will be cut off on December 11, 2008 * You will no longer have access to 'My JibJab' or anything in it, including jokes, messages and JokeClub info * Any joke URLs that you have bookmarked or saved will no longer work * Any jokes that you have embedded on other sites will no longer work We deeply apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. It is our sincere hope that we can bring the non-video and audio elements of JokeBox back online in 2009. To that end, we will keep you posted on our progress. Thanks for your support, understanding and, most of all, for sharing so many laughs on JokeBox over the years; No one is going to miss it more than we are. Sincerely, Evan and Gregg Spiridellis http://sendables.jibjab.com/ --- ...I used the Jokebox for files that were too large for our Yahoo Groups and as an offhand way to advertise for the ShangralaFamilyFun.com web site. It was fun for us, but since they upgraded that one time, I wasn't able to add more files to my Jokebox so only had the many ones on there already for the group. Just a sign of the times I guess. I'm not the only one experiencing reduced revenue from my web site. Trouble is expenses for it have not gone down - only the money coming in has! ========================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: Two Priests Meet In Heaven Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?" .------._ The first priest says, "I've .-"""`-.<') `-._ always wanted to be an eagle, (.--. _ `._ `'---.__.-' soaring above the Rocky ` `;'-.-' '- ._ Mountains." .--'`` '._ - ' . `""'-. `---' , "So be it," says St. Peter, and `\ off flies the first priest. `\ .' `'. ' The second priest mulls this over for jgs `'. a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter ?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why ?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota." ===================================================================== +---------------- Bizarre Health Holidays -----------------+ Self Improvement Month--September 1-31 Red Cross Month--March 1-31 National Eye Health Care Month--January 1-31 National Eye Exam Month--August 1-31 National Fiber Focus Month--January 1-31 National Joy Germ Day--January 8 Virus Appreciation Day--October 3 Use Even if Seal is Broken Day--November 24 Toothache Day--February 9 Foot Health Month--March 1-31 Foot Health Month--August 1-31 Fungal Infection Awareness Month--May 1-31 Cancer in the Sun Month--June 1-30 Stay Out of the Sun Day--July 3 Stress Awareness Month--April 1-30 National Stress Awareness Day--April 16 National Stress Free Family Holiday Month--December 1-31 National Anxiety Month--April 1-30 Better Sleep Month--May 1-31 May is Better Hearing Month--May 1-31 National Arthritis Month--May 1-31 White Cane Safety Day--October 15 ================================================================== >-->From Our Friends Del, Casey & MrWu :) Del sent us a forward of a page I had already done up because it is such a wonderful story - if you haven't checked it out, be sure to! Just Have Faith http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/faith.html --- ...Thank You Del for this great reminder! -<>- _ .-. .--''` ) _ | |/` .-'` ( `\ /` _) _. -'._ /` .' .-.-; `).' / \ \ (`, \_o/_o/__ / .-''` ``'-. { /` ,___.--''` { ; '-. \ \ _ _ { |'-....-`'.\_\ / './ '. \ \ `"` _ \ \ | \ \ ( '-.J \_..----.._ __) `\--..__ .-` ` `\ ''--...--. (_,.--""`/` .- `\ .__ _) | ( } .__ _) \_, '. }_ - _.' \_, '. } `'--' '._. ,_) / | / .' \ | _ .-' \__/;--.||-' _|| _||__ __ _ __.-` "`)(` `" ```._) jgs (_`,- ,-' `''-. '-._) ( ( / '.__.' `"`'--' >158 years ago... Do you know what happened this week 158 years ago? California became a state. The state had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically, it was just like it is today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands. -<>- At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end! >The Tax Poem Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he's fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts anyway! Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think. Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries Tax his tears. Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his self. Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough. When he screams and hollers; Then tax him some more, Tax him till He's good and sore. Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid. Put these words Upon his tomb, 'Taxes drove me to my doom...' When he's gone, Do not relax, Its time to apply The inheritance tax. >OUR TAXES: Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL license Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Excise Taxes Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax (44.75 cents per gallon) Gross Receipts Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Personal Property Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service Charge Tax Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax Sales Tax Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middleclass in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What has happened? Can you spell 'politicians?' And I still have to 'press 1' for English !?!?!?!? I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!!!! YOU can help it get there!!!! GO AHEAD - - - BE AN AMERICAN!!! --- ...Thanks Del! This is one of those Ha! And we left England for taxation without representation issues? Now we know what each and every tax is for - taxes taxes taxes. They want to charge us for everything - several times over - .-'"`/\ // /' /\`\ ('//.-'/`-.; \ \ / /-. __.__.___..__._.___.\\ \\----,_ .:{@&#,&#@&,@&#&&,#&@#&@&\\` \-. .-'-. .:{@#@,#@&#,@#&&#,@&#&@&,&@#&&\\, -._,"- \ .{#@#&@#@#&#&@&#@#@&#,@#@#&@&&#@#\ \// = \`=\__ `{#@,@#&@&,@&#@,#@&#@#&@#&@,&#@,#/\/ =`-. -_=__ `:{@#&@&#@&#@&#@,#&&#@&,@#/.' / / "/.-', / `:{@#&,#&@#,@&#&@&,@&#/.-// //-'-_= ",/ jgs `~`~~`~~~`~`~`~~`~( / , /__,___.-" \ \\/ `\\\' Think about it... They tax the farmer for the land to grow grain, They tax him for the machines he uses. They tax him for the seeds. They tax him for the fertilizer They tax him for the insecticide. They tax him for the fuel he uses to work his fields They tax him for the fuel he uses to take the grain to sell. They tax him extra taxes because he is self-employed. He charges extra for his grain to cover all theses taxes. .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' They tax the dairy farmer for the land to have cows, they tax him for the machines he uses. They tax him for the grain he buys to feed his cows. They tax him for the fuel he uses to milk his cows. They tax him for the fuel he uses to deliver the dairy products to sell. They tax him extra taxes because he is self-employed. He charges extra for what he sells to cover all these taxes. We buy the milk and milk products. We pay extra to pay for all the taxes the store has to pay. We drink the milk and eat the cheese. .__ .-". (o\"\ | | \_\ | | _.---:_ | ("-..-" / "-.-" / / | "--" AsH We need to use the bathroom... We use the t-paper we bought at the store and paid extra taxes on. We flush our toilet. They tax us for the water to flush the toilet. They tax us for waste removal for flushing that toilet. And what does it all amount to? \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\ \-- \\\\\\ (O(O) ))\ / - \ (_/\/\ \ \_ ./ )-'.:'. __ (((( (_/\/=::::\ _\/_ ________________ \_,) /:::/\_\\ .' '. | __________ | \:\ /:::/::\ \\ | | | .' '.HELP!'.| _ \:\/:::/:::::::\| | | / .-. \_I'm_ \ (((_)),__/:::/\:::::::|| | | | : : |\ being\ \\__)::::::' \::::::|| | | \ '-' / \_held_\ ''''' /::::::|| | | '.___.'_ /capti-/ ______________|::::::.|| | |_________ /ve by_/ ( ''---''( | | \these \ \ \'-.____________/_/_\ | /taxes / _\ _\\(________________)____.' \every \ ( -- -') ) '. ) /where_/ //\ -_- )\ \ .' \I GO! > (__ /.-) \ \ \ ^^^^^^____.._( )_)\ \ \ \ ( \\\''' | | ) \ \ pils __________________\______.___|_|__(________|__)_____ When it comes right down to it, it is all just a load of crap. Now that's Civilization! =============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >Moms in group therapy A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.' He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.' He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.' At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.' -<>- .===. _ _ / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) >KIDS TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' _________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher -<>- In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think--" "POOF!" -<>- I remember one time being outside a topless bar watching a demonstration by feminists. They were marching around, holding signs, and chanting, "FREE WOMEN! FREE WOMEN!" As I went into the bar I asked one lady, "Do you deliver?" ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) ____ / \ /______\ ___/___[_]__\___ (_/ _. ._\_) (_/ _\ \_) (_( .___. ) \_ _/ __/_\____/_\__ .' \ / `. | \__/ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |___| | |___| / | / | \ ______________________ \__|_____/\____| \/ / \ |____[__]___|\ \_/\ | Brother, let's talk! | | | \/ | \__ __________________/ | | | / ()/ |/ | | |/ / | | |\__/ _.--. | | | \o ` .-.-..-. | | | .' .' .--. | / | | | ; (_.' `| / _____ | | | _____ . . . | /___jro___ |_____|_____| `. `. ; \ / / | | \ `-. `--' .' _[] | | []_ `-. .'. .' / | | \ || || `----""--' `--""----' /|\|\ >You Overdid It At Thanksgiving If... You spilled more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses. Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy. Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian. The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 14' boat! The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland. You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down. Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist. You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail. You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday. Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy. You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games. A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000." That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn. Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed. Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice. You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty. It looks like the left-overs are going last until Christmas. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Viv! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >Update on John Ziegler/www.HowObamaGotElected.com This is John Ziegler with a quick update on the www.HowObamaGotElected.com project. Thanks to you and your friends our controversial YouTube video is now over 1.6 million views. Tomorrow night (Tuesday) I will be a guest again on FNC's Hannity & Colmes (9 pm and midnight eastern time) to discuss a brand new poll of BOTH quizzing McCain and Obama voters that we are releasing on Wednesday. You will be able to access all of the AMAZING results at http://www.howobamagotelected.com . A lot of people have inquired about when the documentary will be released. We are hoping for late February. If you would like to get a sense of what the film would be like, I urge you to check out my first documentary which was released a few months ago. This film also deals with liberal bias in the news media and is of particular interest now that Hillary Clinton is going to be Secretary of State. It is called "Blocking the Path to 9/11" and you can find out More information about it here: http://www.johnziegler.com/blocking-the-path-to-911 For the record, I get VERY little from any sales of that film, but it does make a nice stocking stuffer! Thanks again for your support and I promise to only update you when there is real news to share. Sincerely, John Ziegler -<>- >From BizarreNews: (\ (\_\^^__o . `-'\ ` / `( | \_____| | | _ ./`,----./~| . . . - () -- Missing dog found after almost 5 years ---------- PLEASANTVILLE, N.J. - A Pleasantville, N.J., family said their pet dachshund, which went missing nearly five years ago, has been found by a Pittsburgh animal shelter. Edna Colon, 18, said her mother, Elda Arguello, received a letter from the Animal Rescue League of Western Pennsyl- vania informing her that the male dachshund, named Tootsie, was found as a stray in Pittsburgh. The shelter tracked a microchip implanted in the animal back to Arguello and her family, WPVI-TV, Philadelphia, reported Monday. Colon said several members of the family planned to travel to Harrisburg, Pa., for a reunion with their long-lost pet, who was about 6 months old when he went missing from Arguello's yard nearly five years ago. "We appreciate the Animal Rescue League. If not for them and the microchip, we would never have seen Tootsie again. Because (the Animal Rescue League) understands animal lovers, they did all that they could to find us. We are so thankful to (the organization) and their work to get Tootsie back to our family," Colon said. .--. {\ / q {\ { `\ \ (-(~` I'm A Free Bird! { '.{`\ \ \ ) {'-{ ' \ .-""'-. \ \ {._{'.' \/ '.) \ {_.{. {` | {._{ ' { ;'-=-. | {-.{.' { ';-=-.` / {._.{.; '-=- .' {_.-' `'.__ _,-' jgs |||` .='==, -- Pardoned turkey going to Disneyland ------------ WASHINGTON - United Airlines says it will help the turkey that dodges Thanksgiving dinner at the White House make its getaway to Disneyland this week. The airline will strap the lucky bird into a first-class seat Wednesday for a non- stop flight from Washington to LAX and then on to Orange County and a date as grand marshal of the annual Thanks- giving parade at Disneyland. President George W. Bush is set to issue the traditional Thanksgiving pardon Wednesday, freeing the bird and a companion for the holidays. A United spokesman told Crain's Chicago Business Disney annually buys out the entire first-class cabin for the turkey delegation, which includes the caged turkey and a group from the National Turkey Federation. -- Britain sells out of bacon chocolate ------------ LONDON - The only British store to stock chocolate bars infused with bacon said its entire stock of the unusual candies sold out within 48 hours of hitting the shelves. Officials with Selfridges said the department store has ordered a new supply of Mo's Bacon Bar, which features chunks of applewood smoked bacon and smoked salt in milk chocolate, from Chicago-based manufacturer Vosges Haut- Chocolat with an aim to have the candies back on sale in time for the Christmas holiday, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. "Bacon and chocolate sounds like a strange combination, but the execution is fantastic," said Ewan Venters, food and restaurant director for Selfridges. "It's a real explosion of flavors and people love it." "There has been a real revolution in luxury chocolate, as there was with wine a few years ago. People are much more knowledge- able about it and there is a growing demand for these high quality, exotic products instead of a box of Milk Tray," Venters said. Vosges Haut-Chocolat's line of unusual foods mixed with chocolate includes mushrooms, sweet Indian curry and Mexican ancho and chipotle chillies. -- Couple thinks creaky couch is haunted ----------- BRISTOL, England - Christine Strange and her husband, Nigel, say a couch in their home in the British city of Bristol makes mysterious noises because they believe it's haunted. Strange, 52, said the creaking noise from the leather couch began randomly one recent weekend and the couple has been unable to determine what has been causing the strange noise, The Daily Telegraph said Monday. "One Sunday morning I sat down on it with a cup of tea and suddenly heard this odd squeaky noise," she said. "I thought I must be going mad but Poppy, my Yorkshire terrier, heard it too." Strange said her 54-year-old husband has also been mystified by the unusual noise that they have compared to a clock being wound up, the Telegraph reported. "It could be an alien for all we know," Strange told the newspaper of the possible cause of the racket from the couch. "The noise is getting louder and louder. I'm scared it's going to come bursting out one evening while we're watching TV." =========================================================== >-->From The Jokester: ) ( /( \yYYy,_I_`; JgLFO^JL_ \ `- \, ` Qr+as >Iams Hot Line "How many calories in a mouse?" and "What should I feed a borderline collie?" are just a few of the wacky questions that the Iams Pet Professionals have fielded from pet owners. Here are some of the team's favorite calls in recent years to 800-863-IAMS (4267): * "My two-year-old daughter loves the taste of Iams -- is it okay for her to eat it?" -- Mother, Staten Island, N.Y. * "What's the best way to get superglue off my dog's paws?" -- Dog owner, Arlington, Tex. * "Can a dog get claustrophobia?" -- Dog owner, Cambridge, Mass. * "My dog growls in his sleep. Do you think he could have a vitamin B deficiency?" -- Dog owner, Puyallup, Wash. * "How can I get the secret recipe for your Iams Chunks dog food?" -- Dog owner, Anchorage, Ak. * "I think if my dog received mail, it would build his character. Can I register him on your mailing list?" -- dog owner, Richmond, Va. * "Where can I get a six-toed cat?" -- cat owner, El Paso, Tex. * "How do I potty train my pot belly pig?" -- pot belly pig owner, Vero Beach, Fla. * "What's up with my cat? She looks at me strangely when I sing and dance for her." -- cat owner, New York, N.Y. * "Is it normal for a dog to shed?" -- dog owner, Miami, Fla. * "I have two new kittens and I don't want to leave them home alone. Can I carry them around in my gym bag?" -- new kitten owner, Brooklyn, N.Y. * "How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?" -- pet owner, Ephrata, Wash. * "My son just sold me a subscription to the Iams Your Cat magazine. But you tell me it's free?" -- concerned mom, Englewood, Ohio. * "Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?" -- puppy owner, Chico, Calif. * "I raise worms -- the world's most perfect protein source. How about using them in your food?" -- worm farmer, Long Barn, Ohio. * "How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?" -- cat owner, Los Angeles, Calif. * "I really like your paw print logo. Does Iams have a tattoo?" -- pet owner, North Tonawanda, N.Y. -<>- _ \`*-. ) _`-. . : `. . : _ ' \ ; *` _. `*-._ `-.-' `-. ; ` `. :. . \ . \ . : .-' . ' `+.; ; ' : : ' | ; ;-. ; ' : :`-: _.`* ; [bug] .*' / .*' ; .*`- +' `*' `*-* `*-* `*-*' "You Know You're A Cat Person When..." ...you refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litterbox." ...you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair. ...you consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber. ...you apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark. ...you snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down. ...you sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute! ...you accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor. ...you spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids. ...you decorate your Christmas tree with dangling cat toys. ...your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with all the cats." ...you have more pictures of your cats than your kids in your wallet. ...you refer to your cat as your furry child. ...your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild." ...you plan your vacation around the cat show schedule. ...you accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name! ...you set a place at the dinner table for your cat. ...you have a set of towels with "His" "Hers" and "Kitty's." ...you call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat. ...you have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering machine. ...you and kitty have matching outfits. ...your spouse says, "Me or the cat!" and there's no hesitation. ...you never go to the door unless it's to let a cat out. ...your favorite friends have fleas. ...you chose a house to buy based on it having a good location for the catbox. ...you think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish to any meal. ...you own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers. ...you are lost for conversation with non-cat people. ...you meow so well, you confuse the cats. ...you bore the neighbors with discussions on the exact nutritional differences between 9-Lives and Amore...at length. =================================================================== >-->Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy * To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks." * If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" "No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots." * The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. * If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone. * If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cut- ting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. * If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. * To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other. * I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: .-=":-=") |_.'|_.' /" /" : / / / .' .' : .-'-.---. / .--"""""--.. : .((((__ .\ ___.:-//\\\\\\-._ -. __..--'"` [.]-[.] \\_. ` `""--..__ ..---\ ___(/_ | /___ /---.. """",-/_...---'"`` \,_ /.- ``"'---..__\-,"""" " /"""'"'""""/ " \`'-.__.-' \___ aa/wkm "._________".' After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of- address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?" -<>- Contemporary Latin Phrases: "Domino vobiscum." (The pizza guy is here.) "Auda similarum ad seattles." (They all sound just like Pearl Jam.) "Sharpei diem." (Seize the wrinkled dog.) "Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus." (Remove foil before microwaving.) "Il guyus nissanem iste ickye." (That Nissan guy gives me the creeps.) "Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi ad infinitum." (Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.) "Motorolus interruptus." (Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.) "Veni, vidi, Pesci." (I came, I saw, I moidered da bum.) "Revelare Pecunia!" (Show Me The Money!) "Sic semper tyrannus." (Your dinosaur is ill.) "No Quid Pro Quo." (I'm Sorry, We're All Out of Quid.) "Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus." (It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.) "Veni, Vidi, Velcro" (I came; I saw; I stuck around.) "Et tu, pluribus unum?" (The government just stabbed me in the back!) -<>- When my daughter was about 9 years old I became pregnant. Of course, she wanted to know how it happened, so I gave what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process. She asked, "Did you do that to get me?" I said yes, and she responded, "And you did it again?" -<>- )..( (.o) `.( ) |||| ptr "`'" One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said. "Now you be good. Okay?" From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay." -<>- A surgical patient was given the usual postoperative instruct- ions. That night she called, wanting to know if her mother could visit. "Any time," the doctor replied. "Why do you ask?" "It says here in your instructions, 'no relations until after your post-op checkup.'" -<>- .:##:::. .:::::/;;\:. ()::::::@::/;;#;|:. ::::##::::|;;##;|:: ':::::::::\;;;/::' '::::::::::: |O|O|O|O|O|O :#:::::::##::. .:###:::::#:::::. :::##:::::::::::#:. ::::;:::::::::###::. ':::;::###::;::#::::: ::::;::#::;:::::::::: :##:;::::::;::::###::: . .:::::; .:::##:::::::::::::::: ::::::; :::::::::::::::::##:: Dani Whenever my family leaves the house, our Shetland sheepdog's animal instincts start to kick in. He runs circles around us and nips at our heels to keep us all together. Watching this display, my friend couldn't resist: "You always herd the ones you love." ================================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Medical Health Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/medical.html Our Valuable Anchor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html The Bible http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thebible.html Directions Home http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/home.html -<>- >From TheMouth: Chuck Norris Facts http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ The James Bond Quotes Quiz http://www.funtrivia.com/playquiz.cfm?qid=135971 James Bond: Agent Attack Game Play as 007 and take down evil agents as they try to stop you from completing your secret mission. http://www.oyunlar1.com/jamesbond.aspx Internet Movie Database http://www.imdb.com/ ">Internet Movie Database -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: John w/ If I Were Santa http://heavens-gates.com/ifiweresanta.html Carolyn w/No Place Like Home For The Holidays ~Perry Como http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/homefortheholidays.html Oh Holy Night http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML3/Oh_Holy_Night.html Juggling HTTP://WWW.JUGGLING.ORG Antique Tools http://www.tooltimer.com/ Ski Report HTTP://WWW.SKIREPORT.COM Fish Pictures http://www.fishstring.com/ Christmas Backs http://www.patch59.com/PATCH59/59xmasbacks.html Christmas Twinkies http://simplysally.com/twinkies/xmas/ Black Diamond Cheese http://www.buffaloschips.com/9266.htm Bowling Bloopers http://www.buffaloschips.com/9267.htm Boy & Labrador http://www.buffaloschips.com/9268.htm Brass Pole http://www.buffaloschips.com/9269.htm Vid 01298 http://www.buffaloschips.com/61617.htm Walk The Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/61618.htm Water Bill http://www.buffaloschips.com/61619.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: One of the first things you learn on your honeymoon is, when you're carrying your bride over the threshold, always go in sideways -- unless of course two broken ankles and a concussion turn you on. The government will be requiring new food labels that are more specific. Products will now be labeled, no fat, low fat, reduced fat and fat, but great personality. "I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." -Beryl Pfizer, American journalist "Oprah Winfrey is ending her show. She's starting her own TV channel. It's called 'OWN.' I don't know what it stands for, 'Oprah Wants Nachos' or something." -Craig Ferguson "When they move into the White House, Barack Obama will be getting a dog for his daughters. He was very clear on its care. He said, 'You're going to have to feed it; you're going to have to give it water; and you're going to have to clean up after it. Do you understand that?' And Joe Biden said, 'Yeah, yeah.'" -Jay Leno "President Bush said today that he regrets the infamous 'Mission Accomplished' banner. He said if he were to do it over again, the banner would say, 'Git 'er Done.'" -Craig Ferguson "He was the world's only armless sculptor. He put the chisel in his mouth and his wife hit him on the back of the head with a mallet" -Fred Allen "I took a course in speed reading and was able to read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's about Russia." -Woody Allen "There are two kinds of people who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else." -Cyrus Curtis "You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show." - Mitch Hedberg "When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." - Rodney Dangerfield >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************