2 Scoops of Ice-cream? Oh No! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->4 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first Two Sizzling Hot new pages are from our friends Bunni, Geniann and Linda. If you are like me and love creative design, you will love these pages. Lots of innovation went into these. Be sure to check these two out here... _ _ _|_|___________________|_|_ |__:_____________________:__| |___________________________| |__:_____________________:__| |___________________________| |_|___________________|_| /__.___________________.__\ /__._____________________.__\ /_____________________________\ | |_| |_| | | | | | | | | | |_| |_|lc Amazing Benches http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bench.html Amazing Benches 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bench2.html --- ...Wow! Love These! Thanks Ladies! Our next Red Hot new page is from our friends Bunni and Linda. Such a cute adorable one for our Mother's Day! Be sure to see the video here as well! _,-""`""-~`) (`~ \ | a a \ ; o ; ___ _,,,,_ _.-~'. \ `^` /`_.-"~ `~-;` \ \_ _ .' `, | |`- \'__/ / ,_ \ `'-. / .-""~~--. `"-, ;_ / | \ \ | `""` \__.--'`"-. /_ |' `"` `~~~---.., | jgs \ _.-'`-. \ \ '. / `"~"` Polar Bear Twins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polartwins.html --- ...Such a delightful page! Thanks Ladies! Our last Piping Hot new page is from our friend Bunni. Another wonderful Mother's Day page sure to give you plenty of awws. Check it out here... __------__ /~ ~\ | //^\\//^\| /~~\ || o| |o|:~\ | |6 ||___|_|_||:| \__. / o \/' | ( O ) /~~~~\ `\ \ / | |~~\ | ) ~------~`\ /' | | | / ____ /~~~)\ (_/' | | | /' | ( | | | | \ / __)/ \ \ \ \ \/ /' \ `\ \ \|\ / | |\___| \ | \____/ | | /^~> \ _/ < | | \ \ | | \ \ \ -^-\ \ | ) `\_______/^\______/ unknown Orangutan Mom And Son http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orang3.html --- ...So cute and adorable! Thanks Bunni! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too." -<>- Doctor: "This should be taken care of right away." Translation: "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself." Doctor: "Let me check your medical history." Translation: "I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you." Doctor: "We have some good news and some bad news." Translation: "The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it." Doctor: "Let me schedule you for some tests." Translation: "I have a forty percent interest in the lab." Doctor: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." Translation: "I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig." Doctor: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." Translation: "I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself." Doctor: "I'd like to run some more tests." Translation: "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day and Police Officer's Memorial Day May 16 is Love a Tree Day, National Sea Monkey Day and Wear Purple for Peace Day May 17 is Pack Rat Day May 18 is International Museum Day, No Dirty Dishes Day, and Visit Your Relatives Day May 19 is Boy's Club Day and National Bike to Work Day May 20 is Armed Forces Day, Be a Millionaire Day and Pick Strawberries Day May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waiters and Waitresses Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. >Donation? Last week, we returned home from shopping and saw a card hanging from our mailbox. Without getting out of the car, my wife sighed and told me that local charity was doing a used-clothing drive, and she had forgotten to put out the bags as she had promised. She was surprised when she read the card's message, thanking us for our kind donation. A look of horror then crossed her face as she realized that the two bags of garden clippings she had raked and bagged the previous night were now gone. -<>- >Dental Forms At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. As I signed the first one, I joked with the receptionist: "Does this say that even if you pull my head completely off, I can't sue you?" "No, that's the next sheet," she said. "This one says you still have to pay us." -<>- >Second Child When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?" -<>- >Dating Again After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. It's me." -<>- >Lincoln A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son pointed out, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe >SMILES A lady who was speeding was pulled over to the side of the road by an officer. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Oh, yes I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always loop it through your steering wheel?" -------- Mark Twain sat on the train next to a gloom-and-doomer who said, "Do you realize that every time I take a breath, 10,000 people on this planet die?" Twain replied, "Hmmm...ever try cloves?" -------- A group of Tyler's friends went deer hunting, and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry lying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal, cook and eat Henry!" -------- ,-. Life keeps rolling along...... ( O )` ~ - . _ . - ~ ` ~ - . _ . - ~ ` ~ - |`-'| : : : : : : : : | | : : : : : : : : `-'` ~ - . _'. - ~ ` ~ - .'_ . - ~ ` ~ - cww A farmer walked out to the edge of his fields and summoned his two sons. When they finally arrived back at the farmhouse, the father told his sons that he wanted to teach them a lesson about honesty and integrity. The two boys listened with interest. "When George Washington was a young man," he said, "George chopped down a cherry tree. His father asked George who had chopped down the cherry tree, and because he was honest, his father did not spank him. "Now," the farmer said, "I want to know who pushed the outhouse into the creek." After a few awkward moments, the younger son finally confessed that he had done it. The farmer took off his belt and said. "Boy, You're gonna get it." The son screamed, "What about George Washington? HIS father didn't whip him." "True!" said the farmer, "but his father wasn't in the cherry tree when he cut it down!" -------- A man was in his front yard mowing grass when the attractive female neighbor came out of the house next door, and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she went to the mailbox and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, ‘You've got mail.'" ------- _ .--,-"" ""-. ( ) j- __. | | ' -'| |`--._____,+-. .';`--.___.' `. .' / _ | / ,-' _.-'o;__\ ( .' o.-' \)`. `j--..___.' ' / ) (/ _ `-._ `-/`--' ,----. (.' `--. `. `-._.'`._,-Actual Bumper Stickers (Compiled by Kemp Ruffner) - Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. - Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. - Cover me. I'm changing lanes. - As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. - Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. - Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep. - I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - I took an IQ test and the results were negative. - Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? - If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? - Forget about World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! - Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. - Give me ambiguity or give me something else. - We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. - He who laughs last thinks slowest - Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. - Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. - i souport publik edekasion - We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. - Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. - Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. - Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? --- ...LOL! Great! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @@ D i c k T r a c y @@ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @@ @@ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO'''''' @@ @@ ```````OOOOOOOOO OOOOO'' aaa@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@""" """""""""@@aaaa `OOOO OOOOO,""""@@@@@@@@@@@@@@"""" a@"" OOOA OOOOOOOOOoooooo, |OOoooooOOOOOS OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo, I'll be selling the |OOOOOOOOOOOOC OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO house and moving my ,|OOOOOOOOOOOOI OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ family to a condo |OOOOOOOOOOOOOI OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'@ complex with a pool OOOOOOOOOOOOOOb OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'a' & where someone else |OOOOOOOOOOOOOy OOOOOOOOOOOOOO'' mows the grass! aa`OOOOOOOOOOOP OOOOOOOOOOOOOOb,.. Things here will be `@aa``OOOOOOOh OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo hectic for the next `@@@aa OOOOo OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO| 6 weeks or so. @@@ OOOOe OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO@ aaaaaaa @@',OOOOn OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO@ aaa@@@@@@@@"" @@ OOOOOi OOOOOOOOOO~~ aaaaaa"a aaa@@@@@@@@@@"" @@ OOOOOx OOOOOO aaaa@"""""""" "" @@@@@@@@@@@@"" @@@|`OOOO' OOOOOOOo`@@a aa@@ @@@@@@@"" a@ @@@@ OOOO9 OOOOOOO' `@@a @@a@@ @@"" a@@ a |@@@ OOOO3 `OOOO' `@ aa@@ aaa""" @a a@ a@@@',OOOO' Roy Sussman >My Summer Travel Plans I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there. PLEASE DO YOUR PART! Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year. You can do your bit by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done! -<>- >THOUGHT I’D LET YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SURPRISE WINDFALL... I won a Nigerian lottery according to an email from a Nigerian prince! He holds the sum of ONE MILLION DOLLARS in my name and he wants to send it to me FREE! All I have to do is give him my bank account numbers and send him $500.00 US dollars cash, to show my good faith so he can transfer the money to me! And then I got Yet ANOTHER email. It was from a KENYAN prince who wanted to give me FREE healthcare for life! All I had to do is give him: MY BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS, MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER MY CONFIDENTIAL HEALTH INFORMATION And pay $700 per month for a policy with only a $10,000 deductible! Then he make it happen! Was I on a roll or what !?!? ---------- >Senior Smiles An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." --------------- Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old." --------------- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. (Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place !!) --------------- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. --------------- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. --------------- One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. --------------- Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. --------------- First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down. --------------- Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours." --------------- (And this final one especially for me,) "Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!" Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . . it will! --- ...Oh Gee! TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: BOMBSHELL: World’s Top Psychiatrist Stuns Trump Bashers And Says “Trump Most Brilliant President Ever” [VIDEO] http://tinyurl.com/kmkta9h 2 Scoops of Ice-cream? Oh No! Maxine Waters Gets Trolled At Townhall [Video] http://eheadlines.com/maxine-waters-gets-trolled-at-townhall-video/ Secretary Tillerson In John McCain Smackdown: Like a giant hand swatting a pesky fruit fly - (we've learned McCain isn't much of a conservative). http://tinyurl.com/keye6jl .-._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .-''-.__.-'00 '-' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '-. '.___ ' . .--_'-' '-' '-' _'-' '._ V: V 'vv-' '_ '. .' _..' '.'. '=.____.=_.--' :_.__.__:_ '. : : (((____.-' '-. / : : snd (((-'\ .' / _____..' .' '-._____.-' A PASTOR attempting to demonstrate God’s power by walking on water has been eaten by crocodiles. http://tinyurl.com/l8cxqws --- ...Simple - Don't Tempt The Lord Your God! Duh! The pastor should have known what Jesus taught us here... Matt.4: [1] Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. [2] And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred. [3] And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. [4] But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. [5] Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple, [6] And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. [7] Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. The devil told the Pastor to walk on water above the crocodiles because God would save him. The Pastor should have rebuked the devil as Jesus did. Instead, the devil got him killed. It is what the devil does - he hates people and if he can trick them and get them killed so they are no longer a threat to him, then that is what he will do. Sorry to those who loved this Pastor. -<>- >From BizarreNews: A police officer was shocked to see a mother holding her son on her lap and forcing him to steer her car on a highway, according to police in Wisconsin. Milwaukee police said that the 37-year-old woman is facing multiple charges, including driving under the influence and child endangerment, after being accused driving drunk with her 8-year-old son on her lap while the child was steering the car. Since this is the woman's third drunk driving offense, she was charged with 2nd degree reckless endangering safety; operating after revocation - OWI related; and interlock ignition device violation. 37-year-old Carrie L. Bernard was booked into jail, and her son was handed over to Child Protective Services. According to the criminal complaint, a deputy noticed a woman driving with a boy on her lap on state Highway 145 around 2:30 p.m. Prime drinkin' time. The officer pulled the vehicle over, and noticed that Bernard was under the influence. The 8-year-old boy was crying, saying that he did not want to go to jail. Bernard refused to cooperate until a supervisor arrived on the scene. Bernard then failed multiple field sobriety tests. A dog was also recovered from the car. -<>- A company filed a workers compensation claim with their insurance company over an incident that hurt their employee. The company said that while Sheyla White was working for them at the Cinque Terre Energy Partners in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sprinkler fell on her, causing injury to her forehead. The insurance company became suspicious of her claim and they contacted police. During their investigation, the Florida's Division of Investigative and Forensic Services requested to review security footage of the incident. White had claimed that the metal sprinkler fell from the ceiling, bounced off her desk and struck her in the head. The video proved that the sprinkler fell from the ceiling and landed on her desk, but it did not bounce back. Instead, the video showed White taking the sprinkler, looking around and hitting herself with the piece of metal. White did not get any money. Instead, she was arrested and convicted of insurance fraud. She faced 5 years in prison, but was sentenced to 18 months of probation instead. *-------- You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do --------* A 10-year-old Florida girl pried open the jaws of a 9-foot alligator that latched onto her leg while she was swimming, investigators said. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission's report of the incident said the girl and four family members were among about a dozen people swimming in Lake Mary Jane in Orange County when an alligator attacked. The alligator bit down on the girl's calf and knee, but she was able to get free by prying its jaws open, the report said. A lifeguard on duty assisted the girl and her injuries, which were described as non-life-threatening, were treated at the scene before her family drove her to the hospital. The alligator was trapped shortly after the incident, but Matt Suedmeyer, the manager of Orange County Parks and Recreation said the waterfront will remain closed this week out of "an abundance of caution." *------- Is That a Pistol In Your Pocket? -------* A man was admitted to a hospital after shooting himself in a very sensitive area. According to Toledo police, they got a call after Murad Hamedallah was heard screaming that he had been shot while getting out of his car. The caller told police he watched Hamedallah walk towards a garbage can on Manhattan before eventually falling to the ground. When crews arrived, they found Hamedallah with a single gunshot wound that went through his p#@is and right thigh. Police found a bullet hole in his driver's seat; the gun was found behind the garbage can. Hamedallah was taken to St. Vincent Medical Center in Toledo for serious injuries. He's expected to be okay. *--- Who the Heck Eats Mexican Potato Chips? ---* The Texas Department of Public Safety seized $19 million worth of cocaine found hidden in a shipment of Mexican potato chips. DPS Special Agents investigated "several indicators of criminal activity" at a Hidalgo County warehouse to discover boxes containing 133 packages of cocaine, weighing 323 pounds. "DPS arrested Jesus Salvador Gonzalez-Mendoza, 25, Hernan Halil Mena-Real, 26, both of Jalisco, Mexico, on federal drug charges. Both suspects were transported and booked into the San Juan Police Department jail," the department said. Investigators questioned a truck driver seen leaving the warehouse. "She refused to transport the load because she believed that the target warehouse was not a legitimate company and had the pallets removed from the truck tractor/trailer," agents said in the criminal report. Investigators then returned to the warehouse and broke down every pallet and box on the property until they discovered the drugs. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,;;;, ;;;;;;; .-'`\, '/_ .' \ ("`(_) / `-,.'\ \_/ \ \/\ `--` \ \ \ / /| | /_/ |_| jgs ( _\ ( _\ #:## #:## #:## #:## #:## #:## #:## While in the checkout line at my local hardware store I over- heard one man say to another, "My wife has been after me to paint our shed. But I let it go for so long she got mad and did it herself." His friend nodded. "I like women who get mad like that." -<>- After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow, Mom, you smell just like Fruit Loops!" -<>- First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service couldn't get a locksmith to me for at least two hours. Finally the guy showed, looking tired and annoyed. As he struggled with my door, I joked, "Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size?" "Yeah," he muttered. "They're called keys." -<>- Fellow employees at the international company where I work know I'm a notary public and have me certify personal documents. One day, two Swedish men asked me to witness signatures on an automobile title. "I'm selling my car to this man," one of them explained. "We came here because we heard you were notorious." -<>- A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. -<>- Laws of Life: * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. * Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. * The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. -<>- I picked up my nine-year-old daughter from school and asked how her day had gone. A few minutes later, distracted by driving, I repeated the question, and again a few minutes after that. Instead of annoyed, Ariana was philosophical. "Mom," she said, "your amnesia is my deja vu." -<>- A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store. The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!" Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought, but MAYBE..during one of the fraternity parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we had a little too much to drink and spent the night together but I never called you again afterward?" "No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's Sunday School teacher." ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >Quotes: "The invention of the teenager was a mistake, in Miss Manners' opinion. Once you identify a period of life in which people have few restrictions and, at the same time, few responsibilities -- they get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes -- naturally, nobody wants to live any other way. -- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners" "Democracy, which is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike." -- Plato "Of course the government and the newspapers lie. But in a democracy, they're not the same lies." --Steve Jackson *** >On Taxes, from Douglas Helsel: The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?" "It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these travel deductions. You listed six trips to Florida for you and your wife." "Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "It is a legitimate business expense because we also deliver. " *** ' . ' . . . : . . '. ______ .' ' _.-"` `"-._ ' .' '. `'--. / \ .--'` / \ ; ; - -- | | -- - | _. | ; /__`A ,_ ; .-' \ |= |;._.}{__ / '-. _.-""-|.' # '. ` `.-"{}<._ / 1938 \ \ x `" ----/ \_.-'|--X---- -=_ | | |- X. =_ - __ |_________|_.-'|_X-X## jgs `'-._|_|;:;_.-'` '::. `"- .:;. .:. ::. '::. >A heartfelt message from the rural Midwest: Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state: 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. 2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it, not just to keep up with the neighbors. 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it. 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped - by our women. 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for: bait. 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport. 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year. 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too, and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop. 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go East & West; Interstates 29, 35 & 55 go North & South. Pick one and use it accordingly. 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church. 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept? 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish. 19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir", no matter how old he is. Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay, we have corn to plant. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Bucket List!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist.html Super Puppies!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppy.html Stuck Animals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html Maxine Humor!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinehumor.html No Passing Zone!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant.html Pucker Up, Baby!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html Amazing Photos 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazingphotos3.html Why Me? Moments!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html Life's Little Oops 11!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops11.html Got A Nanosecond 3?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano3.html God's Most Beautiful!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mostbeautiful.html Extraordinary Photos!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extraordinary.html Most Stunning Photos 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moststunning2.html Hong Kong's Noah's Ark!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark2.html MacGyver - How To Do It 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver4.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow Me on StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/mgob3ns -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A 1920's vintage Dodge Brothers sedan with "Oil Field Dodge" painted on it's side shows us how the old timers four wheeled it through muddy fields and roads. This Dodge is on a mission to get to the gushing oil well in this film which was apparently some sort of promotional video for the car. It certainly looks like the Dodge was a well built car that was rugged enough to survive some terrible off road driving conditions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nq2jY1trxqg Gladys Ingle of the '13 Black Cats' changes planes and fixes new landing gear on disabled plane in mid-air. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oAzdbd0J2A&feature=player_embedded --- ...Wowsers! Scary To Watch - no safety line! Nuts! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From our Friend PatDeE :) These Weapons Pictures will get your attention http://www.rsvlts.com/2015/03/31/perfect-timed-military-photos/ --- ...Amazing! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) She sent us one we have here... Historic Photos In Color! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historycolorphotos.html --- ...An awesome reminder! Thanks Fran! Koala Joey's most adorable home video of all time https://www.youtube.com/embed/cU8v4vZbFPc --- ...Awww, so cute! Thanks Fran! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) The People VS Winter https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=9&v=xKy2lLNQYrI --- ...HaHa! Rich! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The European Farmer's Union has announced that because of cold temperatures and drought, grapes aren't growing well and as a result this will be their worst wine harvest in 50 years. Experts are hoping it won't affect prices or threaten the supply of wine, and if it does they might have to start drilling for wine offshore." -Jimmy Kimmel "One in every seven people on the planet now owns a cell phone. You know what's even more amazing? That when I go to the theater, I never sit next to any of the other six people." -Jay Leno "French President Francois Hollande has promised to ban schools from assigning homework. Seriously? That's not a European president's platform - that was my 9th grade student council platform. 'I'm gonna do away with homework, and put RC Cola back in the vending machines!'" -Jimmy Fallon "Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken." -Jay Leno "This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his wife fell for it." -Conan O'Brien "Philadelphia has a new plan to ticket pedestrians who text without looking up while they walk. As opposed to the previous punishment: lamp posts." -Jimmy Fallon "Hot dog pizza raises two important questions. Who came up with this monstrosity? And how quickly can it be delivered to my house?" -Craig Ferguson "A farmer in Oregon was eaten by his pigs. The pigs ate the farmer. But in the overall race, humans are still way ahead." -Jay Leno "A company just came out with a car that will retail for only $3,000. They are calling it the 1997 Corolla." -Conan O'Brien "Nobody in the debate talked about today's big story out of Europe - the big art heist at a museum in Rotterdam. You have to hand it to these thieves. It is not easy sneaking up in the Netherlands. Usually your wooden shoes give you away." -Craig Ferguson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************