4 University Students And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ .o##o. .o##o. ######o.o###### ############### .o88o. .o88o##########' 888888o.o888888########' 888888888888888######' '8888888888888'#####&o. .o&&o. '88888888888' '#&&&&&o.o&&&&&& '8888888' &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& '88888' '&&&&&&&&&&&&&' '8' '&&&&&&&&&&&' H A P P Y '&&&&&&&' v a l e n t i n e'&&&&&' D A Y '&' S M I L E S >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first scorching new page is from our friend Desi. This one made me tear up. I know exactly how she felt since my partial cornea transplant, I am able to see things I hadn't been able to see before - just with one good eye! Check out this woman's heartwarming story here... () , O -. )', \'._.,-" c '-,_ o ) _,.c cc =[]L] /." ', c __.` -' \('---' '=.____ '-. O \ 0 , \|\_/) \-, |',T( 66,_ o ) '-" \\.___Y) ) ,-.Y _.G snd /-" /.' Blind Woman Sees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blindsees.html --- ...So Awesome! Thanks Desi! This next too hot to handle newbie is from our friends Linda, Karen and LouiseA, It is sure to tickle your funny bone and give you some smile stress relief. Check it out here... { } } { { { } } } }{ { _{ }{ } }_ ( }{ }{ { ) |""---------""| .-, | /""\ /#/ | | _ | _---------//_ | / | | ( / ) | |/ | /""=========""\ | / / (///////////////) | | / \ / | "T" C===========O cww ""---------"" -Bungle- Mug Shots http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mugshots.html --- ...LOL! Such a good rib tickler! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: A Congressmen's Lunch .;;;;;. .3333o ;;;` e\ /a Y33 ;;( > < )33 /\\ _< o@*O@o >_ .-/ /\ ||/'--( *O\@/o )--'\|| || \ \ _ > < _ / / || || \ \| |~| / \ |~| |/ / || || \ '-'__...._|_|__\___/__|_|_...__'-' / || || '--/` `\--' || ||.--'` | | `'--.|| || | | || ||'===== '--...._________________.....--' ====='|| ||.-"""""-.||| | | |||.-"""""-.|| || || || | | ||| || || ||-'|| ||__|__ __|__||| ||'-|| || jgs ||_.___) (___._||| || A pair of congressmen met for lunch to hash out their political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the other said, "but hear me out." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Top 10 ways to torment a telemarketer 10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." 9. If they say they're John doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my gosh! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends.....would you be my friend?" 6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips. 4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel! " Say goodbye and hang up. 2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" 1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY because you want to write EVERY WORD down. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 9 is Clean out Your Computer Day February 10 is Umbrella Day February 11 is Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day and White T-Shirt Day February 12 is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday and Plum Pudding Day February 13 is Blame Someone Else Day [Obama Day] February 14 is National Organ Donor Day and Valentine's Day February 15 is National Gum Drop Day and Singles Awareness Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .-""""-. .-""""-. ./ \/ \. | _ _ | \ \. _(9><6)_ ,/ / `\ \==_) (_==/ /' `\ -'= ='- /' `\ /' jgs `\ /' `\ /' `\/' >Dental Reconstruction During the year that my husband was undergoing expensive dental reconstruction, he got to know everyone in the dentist's office. A couple of staffers teased him about his garbled speech after he got a mouth-numbing anesthetic. He replied, "Well, it's hard to talk with $27,000 in your mouth." -<>- >Following Your Dream Bumping into an old girlfriend, I invited her for coffee and told her that I had given up accounting to take up writing. "That's terrific!" she said, "I really admire a person who follows their dream. Tell me, have you sold anything?" "Sure have," I replied. "My house, my car, all my stocks and bonds...." -<>- >Late to School A father told a friend how he had stopped his son from being late to school. "I bought him a car." he explained. "Now he has to get there early to find a parking place." -<>- >Older Brains Important New Information About the Brains of Older People A new study of the brain activity of older people has just been released. It turns out the brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age. Scientists believe that it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets filled up, so too do humans take longer to access information, it has been found. Researchers say this slowing down is not the same as cognitive decline which does affect some people. The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they arrive, they stand there wondering what they came for. Then they exit the room only to return again, this time remembering what it was they wanted. The study found that it is NOT a memory problem. It is just nature's way of making older people get more exercise. SO THERE!!! -<>- >Teaching is a Job Many youngsters aren't even aware that teaching is a job. A teacher was discussing after-school activities with her first graders. "When I get home from work, I like to sew." A boy looked surprised and said, "Where do you work?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _ _ ( \/ ) .---. \ / .-"-. / 6_6 \/ / 4 4 \ \_ (__\ \_ v _/ // \\ // \\ (( )) (( )) =======""===""========""===""======= jgs ||| ||| | | >SMILES At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase some supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin for workers with noise-induced tension headaches. I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin. As the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my purchases, he laughed and exclaimed, "Must be one big kid!" -------- A father took his five-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!" -------- Miss Hardy had been telling a class of small pupils the story of the discovery of America by Columbus. She concluded enthusiastically, "And all this happened more than 500 years ago." "WOW!" exclaimed Steve, "What a memory you've got!" -------- Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, everybody thinks you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Bobby," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied. --------- Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Ken and Edna went to the fair and Ken said, 'Edna, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance' To this, Edna replied, "Ken that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.' Ken and Edna agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word... When they landed, the pilot turned to Ken and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Ken replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, But you know, "Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!' ------- Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So, Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is, 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, "Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener." "I didn't bring the bottle opener," Steve says. 'I thought you packed it." Joe gets worried. He turns to Poncho. "Poncho, do you have the bottle opener?" Naturally, Poncho doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. "NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised." Five more days pass and the two are near starvation. Near death, the two turtles weakly lift the lid to get a sandwich. As they open their mouths to eat, Poncho pops out behind a rock, and says, "Just for that, I'm not going!" ----------------- A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!" "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time. ---------- A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!" She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant! He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!" He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!" -------- My husband and I never had much money for our family of seven. At a friend's wedding, my four-year-old daughter was sitting next to me when the minister intoned, "Do you take this man for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?" My daughter turned to me and whispered loudly, "You chose poorer, didn't you, Mommy?" ------------ A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ---------- A patient with two red ears went to the doctor. The doctor asked, "What happened to your ears?" "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang-but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief, "But, what happened to your other ear?" "The idiot called back." ----------- The doctor entered the waiting room. "I have some good news for you, Mrs. Douglas." "Pardon me," she interrupted, "but it's Miss." "The doctor said, "I have some bad news for you, Miss Douglas. ---------- A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife. He went to a psychiatrist to discuss the problem. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness. After finishing the book, the man went home, stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my dinner, I expect a sumptuous dessert. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" "The funeral director," his wife answered. ------- Two farmers where discussing who had the meanest dog. One who had a very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that it could lick any other dog in the county. The second just looked at his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country. Well after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out. After a very short snarling match the old yellow dog leaps on the Doberman and kills it outright. The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turns to the other farmer and asks, "What kind of dog did you say that was?" The first farmer replies, "Well before he lost his tail we called him a Mountain Lion! ------- .--. .--. : _ \/ _ : _\/ \ 6 6 / \__\ ' / \'--'/ \__/_ Ha Ha! /\ /\ \ / \/ \ \ / jgs _\ /_ (__\ /__) >4 University Students One night 4 university students were boozing till late night and didn't Study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as Dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a Wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and They had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no Condition to appear for the test. The dean was a just person so he said that you can have the re-test After 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this Was a special condition that all four were required to sit in Separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The Test consisted of 5 questions with total of 100 marks: "Mid semester coursework examination" Instructions: 1. All questions are compulsory. 2. Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will result in all the candidates getting a zero mark. Questions: Q 1. Write down your name----- (2 marks) Q .2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended----- (30 marks) Q. 3. What type of a car burst a tire. ------ (20 marks) Q. 4. Which tire burst ------- (28 marks) Q. 5. Who was driving---------- (20 marks) End Of Paper - GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!! ------- >Church Service of the Future PASTOR: "Praise the Lord!" CONGREGATION: "Hallelujah!" PASTOR: "Can we please turn on our tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon." P-a-u-s-e......… "Now, Let us pray committing this week into God's hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God…" S-i-l-e-n-c-e… "As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready." "You can log on to the church wi-fi using the password 'Lord909887. ' " The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers: * Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church. * Those who prefer to use iPads can open them. * Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cellphones to transfer your contributions to the church account. The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker! Final Blessing and Closing Announcements... * This week's ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don't miss out. * Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out. * You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. * God bless you and have a wonderful week ! ------- >Bank of America Obama walks into the Bank of America Obama: President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Obama: "I am urging you, please, to cash this check." Cashier: "Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. "So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?" Obama: Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank... there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't have a clue". Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President? --- ...LMAO! Great Ones! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) (\/) \/ (\/) .-. .-. \/ ((`-)(-`)) \\ // (\/) \\ // \/ .="""=._))((_.="""=. / ., .' '. ,. \ /__(,_.-' '-._,)__\ ` /| |\ ` /_|__ __|_\ | `)) ((` | | | jgs -"== =="- A woman was driving her old beat up car on the highway with her 7 year old son. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road, she looked at her speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?” Her son piped up from the back seat, “I do… because you couldn’t catch the other cars!” --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! -<>- A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ... then silence. Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men ... it's a trap. There's two of them." --- ...LMAO! A Good One and so true! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: An idiot in Seattle narrowly avoided strengthening the gene pool when he survived being stuck head-first down a chute attached to a railroad car for 18 hours. Emergency crews responded to the scene after receiving 911 calls from people who heard someone yelling for help, said the Seattle Fire Department. "We don't see these very often," spokesman Kyle Moore said. "Apparently overnight he had crawled into a hole in a void space of the car and slid head-first at a 45 degree angle down this little chute and was stuck. He could not move, and he was stuck in this very small confined space." "If he actually successfully made it through the small hole at the end he would have just been underneath the train car," he said. Firefighters were able to rescue the man by pulling him out by his feet. It was unclear why the man crawled into the chute. The man was very stiff by the time firefighters got him out, but appeared not to have suffered any serious physical injury. Any preexisting brain damage is subject to speculation. -<>- What did you serve at your Super Bowl party? Pizzas? Hot wings? Italian sausage? Amateur. This Florida man served gator tail at his tailgate Super Bowl party. The only problem is he didn't have a license to kill the reptiles. 30-year-old Richard Nixie chose the wrong menu item for a Super Bowl meal when he decided to kill five small alligators for a gator tail dinner, Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officials said. Nixie was arrested and charged with possession and taking alligators without a proper tag. According to a report from the wildlife commission, Nixie caught five small alligators -- less than 5 feet in length. Nixie admitted trapping the alligators and then cutting off their tails for "Super Bowl Dinner" at his home the report states. Nixie was released after posting $500 bail but will have to appear before a judge. All in all a small price to pay for an epic Super Bowl dinner. A small price for him, any- way. The alligators had a somewhat greater commitment. *-- Texas boy suspended for 'Hobbit' ring threat --* KERMIT, Texas (UPI) - A Texan boy's fascination with The Hobbit has gotten him in trouble with school officials. Jason Steward, of Kermit, Texas, said it's "unbelievable" that his 9-year-old son was suspended from school for threatening to make another student disappear. Steward's son, Aiden, recently brought a ring to Kermit Elementary School after seeing The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies, in which Bilbo Baggins carries a magic invisibility ring. Jason told the Odessa American that the school suspended Aiden when he said he could make a classmate invisible with the ring. "I assure you my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friend's existence," Jason told the school in an email. "If he did, I'm sure he'd bring him right back." Kermit Elementary School Principal Roxanne Greer said she could not discuss the incident because student affairs are "confidential." *-- Police: Drug dealer dialed wrong number, got detective --* ALBUQUERQUE (UPI) - Police in New Mexico said they arrested a woman who dialed the wrong number and offered to sell drugs to the wrong person -- a police detective. Albuquerque police said Renea Lucero, 30, apparently dialed the wrong number Wednesday afternoon when she called a police detective and asked if he was interested in buying any cocaine or heroin. The detective, who was familiar with Lucero from a previous case, arranged to meet Lucero at a location in the city to purchase drugs. Police said the detective called for backup, and officers met with Lucero, who was observed removing heroin from her bra and handing it off to Luciano Navarro, her driver. Navarro sold the heroin to the undercover detective for $30, police said. Lucero, Navarro and another woman who was in the car were arrested, police said. Lucero allegedly admitted to officers that she had accidentally called the detective, thinking it was the phone number of her boyfriend's friend. She said she was trying to raise gas money for a trip to Los Lunas. Jail records show Lucero was released from custody Thursday. *-- Comcast bill names customer as "Super B----" --* ADDISON, Ill. (UPI) - An Illinois woman said she was shocked and outraged to discover her Comcast cable TV bill referred to her as "Super [expletive]," using a word for a female dog. Mary Bauer, 63, of Addison, said she had been having trouble with her Comcast TV service and she needed to have 39 visits from technicians between November 2013 and April 2014. Bauer said four months went by without her receiving a paper bill in the mail, and when one finally arrived in the mail Wednesday it was addressed to "Super B---- Bauer." "This is a disgrace to me. Why are they doing this to me? I pay my bills. I do not deserve this," Bauer told WGN-TV. Comcast said the bill is under investigation and officials plan to contact Bauer for further information. The incident comes after Washington state resident Ricardo Brown received a Comcast bill addressed to "[Expletive] Brown," using a profanity in the place of the customer's first name. Comcast issued an apology to Brown and his wife. *-- Inmate who walked out of North Carolina prison recaptured --* BOLIVIA, N.C. (UPI) - Authorities in North Carolina said they have re-arrested a prison inmate who escaped from the facility by putting on a coat and walking out the front door. The Brunswick County Sheriff's Office said William Earl Hewett was found hiding in a camper on his family's property Tuesday morning, five days after his escape from the Brunswick County prison. Hewett escaped from the prison Thursday by donning a coat and posing as his brother, Curtis Hewett, who was due to be released that day, the sheriff's office said. Security camera footage from the incident shows Hewett walk through a metal detector before being pursued by a jailor. Footage taken outside the facility shows Hewett shed the coat and outrun the jail worker to make his escape. Hewett was charged with escaping from a county or municipal facility. He was also served outstanding warrants on charges of burning property and property damage. Hewett was ordered held in lieu of $3 million bond. The sheriff's office said five others, including Hewett's mother, stepfather and girlfriend, were arrested on allegations of helping to hide the suspect from authorities. Curtis Hewett is also facing charges for helping his brother escape. Brunswick County Sheriff John Ingram blamed "human error" for Hewett's escape and said one person has been fired as a result of the probe, which is ongoing. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) ,@@@@@@, ,@@@@@""@@, ( _ _ , @@@@@ 6.6\@ :\ ( \/ ) {{^\@@@C _-_)@ : \ \ / {{:\\@@@) (@@' : \ \/ (\/) {{::\\ / \---.:.__\_ \/ \`::\( , \---:---._) `"`"; \ \|_.-;====I======{> | \ _.-': / (\/) | `"/ : / \/ // \/ : / \\_ \ :/ \ \ | ( ) ) ) / / / jgs / / /_ (_(____) >O x y m o r o n s 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" When we are already there? 10.Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 11.Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12.Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13.Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14.Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? 15.Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? 16.If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17.If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18.If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19.If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20.Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21.Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control When you know the batteries are dead? 22.Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23.How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24.Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 25.Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26.Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one? 27.Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front Of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? 28.Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ? I dunno, why do we? ...Got Me! --- ...LOL! Thanks Karen! -<>- -=[ "Hershey" kisses ]=- 2/97 ) ( ( ) ( ) ( ) ) ( ) ( /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ jgs (_K_) (_I_) (_S_) (_S_) (_E_) (_S_) >MOVIE QUIZ............ Be honest and don't look at the movie list below till you have done the math! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you would enjoy the most. It really works! ..... for MOST of us Movie Test: 1. Pick a number from 1-9. 2. Multiply by 3. 3. Add 3. 4. Multiply by 3 again. 5. Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 17 movies below . . . . . . . . . . . Movie List: 1. Gone With The Wind 2. E.T. 3. Blazing Saddles 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Obama farewell speech of 2015 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubtfire Now, ain't that something..? --- ...HaHa! Works Every Time! -<>- >Moses "Excuse me, Sir." "Is that you again, Moses?" "I'm afraid it is, Sir." "What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?" "How did you guess?" "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?" "Oh, yes; I forgot." "Tell me what you want, Moses." "But you already know, Sir. Remember?" "Moses!" "Sorry, Sir." "Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out." "Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten 'things' you sent Me via e-mail?" "You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?" "That's it. I was wondering if they are important." "What do you mean 'if they are important,' Moses? Of course, they Are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you." "Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them; But, of course, you would see right through that." "What do you mean you 'lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you Didn't save them, Moses?" "No, Sir; I forgot." "You should always save, Moses." "Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, But I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them Though." "And did you hear back from any of them?" "You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never Uses 'shalt not.' May he change the words a little bit?" "Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning." "And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting People pick one or two to try for a while?" "Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that." "I think that means 'no.' Well, what about the guy who said I was Scamming him?" "I think the term is 'spamming,' Moses." "Oh, yes. I E-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that Stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a Computer." "And what did he say?" "You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten 'things', do you?" "They are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' Moses." "Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them." "We will do it the new way, Moses; using computers!!" "I was afraid you would say that, Sir." "Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?" "You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer." "It's a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?" "No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?" "No, Moses." "One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?" "I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to." "Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. after all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'" "Say good night, Moses." "Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back." "Which ones are they, Moses?" "Let me see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and 'Thou shalt not uncover Thy neighbor's wife.'" "Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets." --- ...TeeHee! This is rich! Thanks Karen! ========================================================= _.-"""""'. .;__ `\ / `\ | ;a/ a `'. _ | ,_ |/_ _) / .-.-. {(}`\ \.___, \.' | | '--''-.( \_ _ / \ / .-\_ _."-.... ;_ ` .-.-. _/ '--. \ | | ."\ _/\ , | \ / / \_.' /'./ ; ` \__.' '-./ ' / __/ `\ / .' ``""--..__\___/ / | | , | \ ';_ / \ \`'-...-' \ \ | __ \ \ /-----; '. .--\_.-"\ | \ jgs / |._______|\ \ \_____,__/ '.__| >-->From CleanLaffs: As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics. We therefore propose that the following list of warnings appears on every product offered for sale in the United States. WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity. CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight. HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour. CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving. (Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenburg was never quite sure that his principle was correct) ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Damages or Inconvenience That May Result. ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.999999999% Empty Space. PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State. HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User. -<>- Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won't hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit. Judge: "Was the child born out of wedlock?" Mother: "No, sir, just outside of Louisville." -<>- The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.' -<>- A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?" "Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." -<>- I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?" -<>- A student at our high school a few years back, having had his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!" ========================================================= _ _ _ | | | | | | ___ | |__ ___ ___ ____ | |__ ___ | | / _|| _ \ / _ \ / _| / _ || _ \ / _ \ | | ----( (_-| |-\ |( (_) )( (_-( (_| || |-\ |( (_) )| |------ \___||_| |_| \___/ \___| \____||_| |_| \___/ |_| /) (\ *happy sigh* ((,,,)) / ,//((((((\\. I've always been addicted ((( ^ ^ ))) To chocolate in all forms )))) - (((( I know it's really wicked but (()(\ )-( /))() I've fallen for its charms ))))/`-\~\'(((( ((( \/==\_\ <---- cadbury's { `. `-j \ |\__/ \__/| |__________| I just can't get my fill of ) ( That sweetly sticky stuff ( . )<--flump's It makes me go all flabby but |`--------'|choccy belly I just can't get enough |-' L `-| _____________,-,_ _ _ See, when outside it's freezing |____ { {]_]_] [_] And inside you're all blue |___ `-----.__\ \_]_]_ . ` When the day won't go your way | `-----.____} }]_]_]_ , Only chocolate will do |_____________/ {_]_]_]_] , ` `-' .-----------. |.---------.| _ _ || || ______ {>|_|<} )\ ||_________|| (_____()8oo. (__) ;-----------; I've tried all sorts of chocolate .':O8OoOo8oo.'| White, and milk and plain - .';OoO8oO8oo.' / From every place and country - |"""""""""""| / Belgian, Swiss and Mayan. |__BonBons__|/ ( ) ; And then there's chocolate coatings ;)( ; On nuts and creams and fudge :----: o8Oo./ Not to mention cocoa pops C|====| ._o8o8o8Oo_. And sweet hot chocolate sludge | | \========/ `----' `------' __________ | / j |/ /_\ If it's chocolate I'll eat it | |"""| It gives me such a buzz | |---| There is no drug to beat it | `-.-'<-. Would I take it if there was? | ) | | ( cocoa infusion `. ` \/ ! \/ , .' I fear that this addiction > _ _ <- Is never going to stop - > |_)_ |_)| < - I eat so many choccies _ > .| (_)| o. <- That one day I'm going to pop! ' \ ` _ ' > /\ > /\ . .' ! : hjw >-->Valentine's Day Smiles And Groaners: Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? A: I'm stuck on you! Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A: A stamp. Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it's all heart. Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts. Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called? A: His ghoul-friend. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn't get a date. Q: What happens when you fall in love with a french chef? A: You get buttered up. Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? A: Ughs and kisses! Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet? A: I find you very attractive. Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a ton! Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me. Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A Valentiny! Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch? A: You turn me on. Q. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? A. Let me call you Tweet heart! Q. What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? A. You're purrr-fect for me! Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn't get a date. Q: What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear. Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? A: Antelope. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? A: Hogs and Kisses! Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? A: Sure, they're very scent-imental! Q: Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration? A: Because you can really party hearty! Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: "I'm sweet on you!" Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend? A: "I love you with all my art!" Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day? A: Cauliflowers! Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? A: He fell in love with a pin cushion! Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i's on you! Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day? A: Owl be yours! Q: What did one light bulb say to the other? A: I love you a whole watt! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Blink Of An Eye http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html Advice For New Year http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/newyear.html Deer Hunter Story - GRAPHIC- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerhunter.html Playboy Bunny Calendar http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Humor In Politics 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics6.html Playing With Food 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Amazing Stairways http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stairs.html Chevy Selling It http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html Darvaza - Door To Hell http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html -<>- >Valentine's Day Links: That's God! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html Best Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html Friendship! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendship.html I Believe... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html God's Little Love Notes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html Love Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html Love Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestory.html Love Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html What Is Love 1 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html What Is Love 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove2.html What Is Love 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove3.html Would You Care? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/care.html Jesus Laughing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html Akiane Child Prodigy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Akiane Thru The Years http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy2.html Australian Cockatoo Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html Kisses Sweeter Than Honey http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kisses.html Tale Of Two Swallows http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html Wild Kisses And Snuggles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildkisses.html Valentine Animations: Care Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Hearts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html Valentine: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Cute Bear! http://www.wimp.com/awesomebear/ Amazing Cruise Ship Engineering, Germany A cruise ship is cut in half, then stretched 99 Feet at the Blohm+Voss Shipyards, Hamburg, Germany http://www.chonday.com/Videos/cruishalcut2 --- ...Awesome! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Karen :) The Ocean As You Have Never Seen it! https://www.youtube.com/embed/mcbHKAWIk3I One World Trade Center Under Construction http://tinyurl.com/lvbscvg Jack Webb Schools Obama on Democracy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRYAqekvj4I --- ...What A Hoot! Thanks Karen! >From Our Friend LouiseA :) The difference between dogs and cats https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq8nYgnE93Y&feature=player_detailpage We can't go back, but it sure would be nice for just a day or maybe a week! These are forty-eight years of Norman Rockwell's famous painting of "People's Expressions"--- if these paintings don't give you one of the greatest emotional trips you've had in the past few years, I would be very surprised. Just sit back, reminisce and enjoy. http://tinyurl.com/cd3lug8 You gotta see these - 3 Tricks! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DbaeaFCAbU&feature=player_embedded Terra Sacra Time Lapses - Sacred Earth Around the World https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLKVfD8CgSA&feature=player_embedded Q-Line SafeGuard Shelving System https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pYqquG27pg&feature=youtu.be --- ...Wow! I love these hidden things! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Everyone was astounded at the sudden end of World War II. This is an unbelievable set of photos - the REAL thing - pix from Tinian Island as the B-29 "Enola Gay" was being loaded. Notice the "Top Secret" stamp on some of the photos. In the last few pix notice the CRUDE sheet metal work on the casing and fins of "Little Boy" - the bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima. http://www.alternatewars.com/Bomb_Loading/Bomb_Guide.htm --- ...Wow! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Colors http://www.greatdanepro.com/Just%20Colors/index.htm Mediterranean Shipwrecks on Vimeo http://vimeo.com/10436374 12-Year-Old With Down Syndrome Shuts Down Statistics http://tinyurl.com/q2zhgcr --- ...Sweet! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Did you know that today is National Weatherpersons Day? And for National Weatherpersons Day, everything I say tonight will be half wrong." -Jimmy Kimmel "Earlier today I read that drinking whiskey can cure a cold. You know, I was fighting a cold last night until 4 a.m." -Dave Letterman "Scientists have discovered that a 5,000-year-old mummy is covered with at least 60 tattoos. Scientists are calling him the earliest known member of the NBA." -Conan O'Brien "According to a new study, 1 in 3 children in the United States have divorced parents. While the other two-thirds are the only reason their parents are staying together." -Seth Meyers "Staples has agreed to buy Office Depot for $6 billion. The funny thing is they just popped in there to buy envelopes and then they just got carried away." -Conan O'Brien "Last weekend a Washington, D.C., couple allegedly left their toddlers in a freezing car for an hour while they were at a wine tasting. The couple has been described as neglectful with notes of endangerment and a lazy reprehensible finish." -Seth Meyers "Harper Lee, the author of 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' is publishing her second novel after a 55-year hiatus. This one is called 'Mock 2: Mock Harder.'" -Conan O'Brien "Kim Kardashian said during a Q & A yesterday that she'd like to take a selfie with Jesus. Though I think most people would say that Jesus has suffered enough." -Seth Meyers "Yesterday Obama presented a $4 trillion budget that he says would help the middle class. Then the middle class said, 'You know what? How about you just give us the $4 trillion? We'll figure out what to do with it.'" -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************