A Day After Christmas... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ .!, .!, ~ 6 ~ ~ 6 ~ . ' i ` .-^-. ' i ` _.|,_ | | / .-. \ | | '|` .|_|.| (-` ) | .|_|. / \ ___)_(_|__`-'__|__)_(______ /`,o\)_______________________o_( /_* ~_\[___]___[___]___[___[_[\`-. / o .'\[_]___[___]___[___]_[___)`-) /_,~' *_\_] [_[( ( /`. * *\_] [___\ _\ / `~. o \] ;( ( ; [_[_]`-' /_ * `~,_\ (( )( ;(; [___] / o * ~'\ /\ /\ /\ /\ [_[_] / * .~~' o\ ||_||_||_|| [___] /_,.~~'` * _\_||_||_||_||___[_[_]_ /`~.. o \:::::::::::::::::::::\ / * `'~.. * \:::::::::::::::::::::\ /_ o ``~~.,,_\=========\_/=========' / * * ..~'\ _|_ .-_--. /* o _..~~`'* o\ ( (_) ) `-.__.~'`' * ___.-' `----' ":-------:" hjw \_____/ *~* Hope You Had A MERRY BLESSED CHRISTMAS!! *~* The Christmas Story http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/christmasstory.html Who Is This Jesus? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Christ's Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesuslife.html Our Valuable Anchor! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html Christ's Bell! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bell.html Come Adore Him! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comeadorehim.html Bailey's Jesus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bailey.html Jesus Laughing Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html Amazing Grace! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bailey.html Maxine On Jesus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html Christmas Around The World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasworld.html Where's The Line? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html Winter Wonderland And Life Lessons! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lessons.html Christmas With Pets http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmaspets.html Maxine On Holidays http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineholidays.html Redneck Christmas Tree http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html Santa Ho Ho Oh-No's! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/santa.html =============================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Fasten Your Seat Belts And Assume Crash Position Flight seven-oh-niner has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water". "Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified. "Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs". "And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady. "Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much". __ o /' ) /' ( , __/' ) .' `; o _.-~~~~' ``---..__ .' ; _.--' b) ``--...____.' .' ( _. )). `-._ < `vvvvvvv-)-.....___.- `-. __...--'-.'. `^^^^^'-------.....`-.___.'----... .' `.; jgs `-` ~~~ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with the masterpieces at the Louvre. "We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States too," he declared. "I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred pictures in his lifetime, and America has all ten thousand of them." =================================================================== +----------------- Bizarre Book Titles -------------------+ How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer Scouts in Bondage by Michael Bell Be Bold with Bananas by Crescent Books Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself by Dale L. Power The Flat-Footed Flies of Europe by Peter J. Chandler 101 Uses for an Old Farm Tractor by Michael Dregni Across Europe by Kangaroo by Joseph R. Barry 101 Super Uses for Tampon Applicators by Lori Katz and Barbara Meyer [HowStuffWorks, Inc.] ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .---------------------------. /,--..---..---..---..---..--. `. //___||___||___||___||___||___\_| [j__ ######################## [_| \============================| .==| |"""||"""||"""||"""| |"""|| /======"---""---""---""---"=| =|| |____ []* ____ | ==|| // \\ // \\ |===|| hjw "\__/"---------------"\__/"-+---+' >Generosity of seniors - a Seniors Bus Tour A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied. The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.' -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately! Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away? Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself wei gh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were. !!!! --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) |\__/| .~ ~. / o `./ .' {o__, \ { / . . ) \ `-` '-' \ } -after Pomeroy- .( _( )_.' '---.~_ _ _| My aunt's young family with two boys ages 3 and 4, had attended church one spring morning. As they left the church the pastor said, "Well, look at you boys, all bright eyed and bushy tailed!" Joe the older boy loudly announced, "We don't got tails; we got Dinkys!" My aunt was mortified. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Wesley! ======================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _ ' ` ,`-' __ ( ,-" "---, _ ,' `--"| ,' ,-" ' )--' / | / //",-",-._,'."-- . _ `/ .--="_.' / `. ; /`""" `-' ` \( , ` ``-\ ' ," ( ,' ,' `.._ __,-"\-, ' `-.-._,._,'__... `,-. ,' . __ \ ,-. \-: \ , __ _/-" \,--""\ \_\ \_\_/ , ,-" / ' _.--\_..." \ , { _,-" -" | ` ` `-" __..`-. \ \ ,-" __..-"" . `-._ "" __,--" __...' \ _,--" __..--"" / : _..-"" __.,-'" _.-' ,-"" _.,-"" ,' ; _.-"" ,' | _.-" ," `'..._ / ` _ / `.___...-; `"-./ | ' | ' | ' | I__ ,= .-._| |_|`.__.' KaK `--" As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can't do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don't worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know if you dropped a cookie on the floor?" -<>- Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was "just up ahead." One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald spots and is straight." -<>- A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot." -<>- _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / || || || || || jgs || \/ A man picks up his golf-ignorant girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?" "Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving." "Oh, well. Ask a silly question, get a silly answer." -<>- Arriving home from work as usual at 5:30 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so before a fight started in earnest I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and start all over again. My wife agreed. I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I'm home!" "And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It's after seven o'clock!" -<>- My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it. After watching from a distance, my wife came up and whispered in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer." -<>- ( . ) ) ( ) . ' . ' . ' . ( , ) (. ) ( ', ) .' ) ( . ) , ( , ) ( . ). , ( . ( ) ( , ') .' ( , ) (_,) . ), ) _) _,') (, ) '. ) ,. (' ) jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond a "blue, four-door sedan." "It's the one on fire," he replied. -<>- "My ten year old daughter asked me what a colon was and I explained that it was a part of the body that food goes through before being eliminated. Then she asked me what a semicolon was and I told her that it was a colon the size of a truck with eighteen wheels." -<>- I'm a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while I was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a red light without stopping. I told him that he had automatically failed the test. We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, "He ran a red light?" "Yes," I replied. "Well," persisted the mom, "how red was the light?" -<>- _._ _._ |||| |||| ||||_ ___ _|||| | || .-'___`-. || | \ / .' .'_ _'. '. \ / /~~| | (| b d |) | |~~\ /' | | | ' | | | `\ , /__.-: ,| | `-' | |, :-.__\ , |'-------( \-''""/.| /\___/\ |.\""''-/ )------'| | \_.-'\ / '-._____.-' \ /'-._/ | |.---------\ /'._| _ .---. === |_.'\ /--------.| ' \ / | |\_\ _ \=v=/ _ | | \ / ' `. | | \_\_\ ~~~ (_) | | .' `'"'|`'--.__.^.__.--'`|'"'` \ / `,..---'"'---..,' :--..___..--: TO INFINITY... \ / |`. .'| AND BEYOND! | :___: | | | | | | | | | |.-.| |.-.| |`-'| |`-'| | | | | / | | \ |_____| |_____| ':---:-'-:---:' / | | \ jgs /.---.| |.---.\ `.____; :____.' Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn't find a thing for her grandson. "Maybe a video or something educational?" I asked. "No, that's not it," she said. We wandered the aisles until something caught her eye: a laser gun with flashing lights and 15 different high-pitched sounds. "This is perfect," she said, beaming. "My daughter-in-law will hate it." -<>- After I prosecuted a man for killing a bird out of season with his slingshot, the court clerk suggested setting up a date for him to return with both the money for the fine and proof of community service. "That way," she said innocently, "you can kill two birds with one stone." ================================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From CCA: "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord...” - Luke 2:8-11 I would like to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 2011 has been a very busy year for us here at the Christian Coalition of America and with the coming election year, 2012 will certainly present its challenges as well, as we faithfully work on behalf of our pro-family values. But it all pales in comparison to the importance of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ the Lord! We are truly blessed to live in a land where we can still celebrate his birth and proclaim his name. May God richly bless you and your family during this season of celebration and praise for the birth of our Savior. And may God richly bless you throughout this coming year! Sincerely, Roberta Combs President & CEO Christian Coalition of America -<>- >From Michele - Merry Christmas On behalf of Marcus and our children, I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. I'd like to speak to you about the real reason for this wonderful season of many blessings, but before I do I hope you'll visit this link to listen to a special conversation I had with Dr. James Dobson recently. http://tinyurl.com/86teywe At a time when Christ is all too often lost in Christmas, it's more important than ever to draw near to our family and friends, praising and thanking God for the ultimate Christmas gift: His Son. He is the reason for the season and the source of all our blessings. May the peace of Christ fill your homes and hearts -- today and every day of the coming new year. Sincerely, Michele P.S. We invite you to follow this link to watch a special holiday video greeting from our family to yours. http://tinyurl.com/7oj5zdz -<>- >From Our friend EdLaF :) Experts Discuss Obama's War On Fossil Fuels -- And Coming Blackouts | EPA Abuse http://tinyurl.com/7uts5ra --- ...Interesting! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From The TeaParty: Stop the Obama Re-election http://tinyurl.com/87mmd7p -<>- >From BizarreNews: Right around Christmas I usually find a story that exemplifies the spirit of the season. One year was the story of a man who smashed in a car window with his frozen Christmas turkey. Another year was the story of an assault and battery that occurred after somebody cut in line at a Wal-Mart two days before Christmas. I was starting to get nervous that I would not find the right kind of story for this holiday season, but then I saw this one from Skaneateles, New York. The central New York school district, fed up with sexy hip-grinding and pelvic thrusts on the dance floor, has canceled its annual Snow Ball this winter. Skaneateles High School had tried several things to stop students from dancing in an overtly sexual style at school dances. Gym teachers taught the waltz, tango, and cha-cha. The district switched disc jockeys. The homecoming dance was moved to a larger space, the gymnasium, to give kids more room to spread out. The grinding and inappropriate clothing continued. So the district axed the whole dance. The next step is to outlaw dancing altogether, that is until a rebellious boy from the city moves to town and starts dating the daughter of the town's reverend and convinces the town council that dancing is not a tool of the devil. *-- N.J. cop arrested for DWI after DWI class --* MIDLAND PARK, N.J. - A Midland Park, N.J., police officer was arrested for drunken driving after consuming alcohol during a state police class on DWI arrests, authorities say. During the Thursday class taught by the New Jersey State Police, Midland Park police officer Joseph B. Gaeta was given measured amounts of alcohol to test its effect on his physical abilities, the Midland Park Suburban News reported. After the class, Gaeta was driven home by another officer, Wyckoff police Chief Benjamin Fox said. Once home, Gaeta, 31, got on his four-wheel all-terrain vehicle and began driving on a residential street, which authorities said is illegal. Gaeta was attempting to make a turn when he lost control of the ATV and flipped it. Fox said Gaeta sustained serious facial injures for which he was hospitalized. He had surgery Saturday. Gaeta, who had a blood-alcohol level of 0.13 percent, was charged with driving while intoxicated and given several other citations related to the illegal operation of an all-terrain vehicle. "I've honestly never run across a situation like this in 43 years," said Midland Park police Chief John Casson. "I'm not sure at what point his status [with the department] could change." *-- Thieves steal from suspected shoplifters --* OGDEN, Utah - Two people cited for allegedly shoplifting in Ogden, Utah, in turn discovered just minutes later they were victims of theft, police said. Korin Vanhouten, 47 and Eldon Alexander, 36, were stopped shortly after leaving a WinCo by a police officer who suspected they left without paying for cotton swabs, makeup and batteries, the Ogden Standard-Examiner reported Friday. The officer cited them for shoplifting. When the pair returned to Alexander's pickup truck in the store's parking lot, they noticed someone had entered the unlocked truck and stole a stereo amplifier, a drum machine and cigarettes. Police Lt. Tony Fox said he had never seen anything like it in his entire career. The items the two were suspected of shoplifting were worth $26, while the worth of their stolen possessions was about $60, Fox estimated. Police were investigating. *-- Firefighters pull teen from chimney --* STOCKTON, Calif. - Rescuers in California said an 18-year-old was pulled from his family's chimney after he got stuck while trying to sneak in after curfew. Art Ray, an operator chief for the Stockton Fire Department, said George Herrera, 18, became lodged in the chimney while attempting the unorthodox, Santa Claus-style entry into the Stockton home after breaking curfew Thursday morning, The Record, Stockton, reported Monday. Firefighters arrived about 10:15 a.m. and the teenager was freed within minutes, Ray said. Ray said the teenager, who nearly made it to the bottom of the chimney, had been trapped for about 90 minutes. "We're not specifically trained to rescue people from chimneys, but we are trained to pull people from confined spaces," he said. "We were able to get him out in about 15 minutes." *-- Police: Teens broke in, cooked gizzards --* GAINESVILLE, Fla. - Police in Florida arrested a pair of 14-year-old boys they say broke into a Chinese restaurant and cooked up some chicken gizzards. Gainesville police Lt. Jorge Campos said the boys allegedly broke into the China House restaurant in Gainesville Saturday night and apparently were unable to find anything worth stealing, The Gainesville Sun reported Monday. "I guess they couldn't find any money so they decided to cook some food," Campos said. The teenagers were arrested on burglary and petit theft charges. Campos said both suspects had been arrested on burglary and theft charges at least twice in recent months. ========================================================== >-->From Laugh And Lift: The Lift , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Carry Us To Completion [edited] (by Steve Troxel, God's Daily Word Ministries) A great tragedy within the Christian faith is that many who believe they are on their way to Heaven will one day find they are sadly mistaken. They have been misled into believing that Church membership, being "good," or working extra hard will ensure Salvation; but on the day of judgment they will be cast aside. This tragedy must be fought by speaking the truth about Salvation. We must teach of the need to trust in the saving grace offered through the sacrifice of Jesus for the forgiveness of sin. We must teach that faith in Jesus Christ - the Lord and Savior clearly presented in God's Word - is the ONLY way! Romans 10:9,10 'That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.' A second tragedy is that many who have truly trusted in Jesus for the forgiveness of sin, and desire to love Him and serve Him with all their heart, will live their days full of doubt and fear. They are on their way to Heaven but doubt when they don't feel "good enough" to deserve such a gift, and they fear a Holy God who couldn't possibly save one so unworthy. As they draw closer to the Light, their failures are revealed and they become discouraged or try to "work" harder to please God and gain His acceptance. We must also fight this tragedy by speaking the truth about Salvation. The glorious truth is that none of us are good enough! "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Without God's grace, no one can ever hope to hit the mark of His perfect glory. We don't enter Heaven based on what we've done; rather, we are accepted based on whom we've placed our faith; "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith" (Ephesians 2:8). At the moment of Salvation, we become an eternal Child of God; "You are not your own; you were bought at a price" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We were purchased with His blood and have become a "new creation: the old has gone, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17). But a new creation does not continue down the same path. We are "born again" when the Spirit of God transforms our heart; and as a new creation, we will learn to crawl, then walk, and one day run! We may stumble, but God promises we will continue to grow; for it's His plan that ALL His children become "conformed to the likeness of His Son" (Romans 8:29)...and being conformed is a lifetime process! Philippians 1:6 [says] "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." God has given us His Holy Spirit and "sealed {us} for the day of redemption" (Ephesians 4:30). Let's be confident in God's promise. We must continue to draw closer and give Him more of our heart, but we must also remember that we are His and He WILL finish the work He began. Our Heavenly Father has saved us AND promised to carry us to completion. -<>- The Laugh \|/ @ @ +---------------- oO-(_)-Oo --------------------+ -D B Prell- >Business Signs Bakery: "It's nice to be kneaded." Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte." Operating Room Entrance: "May I Cut In?" Photographer's Studio: "Out to Lunch: If not back by five, out for Dinner also." Podiatrist's Office: "Time wounds all heels." Proctologist's Door: "To expedite your visit, please back in." Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills." Sanitarium Door: "Nobody leaves here mad." Store Window: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?" Undertaker's Window: "Drive carefully. We can wait." Waterbed Shop: "Your vinyl resting place." -<>- ,,, ($ $) ----------------------------------------------------ooO-(_)-Ooo---- >Quick Jokes Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint. "I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one. "CTC? Who are they?" "You know," he responded. "Call Them Collect." ---------- I got into a fight with a really big guy and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh yeah? Why?" and I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." ---------- When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "You're sure right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had .... you know the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation!" ---------- A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you ...." -------- The homeless man stopped a man on the street and asked, "Will you please give me $4,000 to buy a cup of coffee?" "What?" asked the man. "Isn't that a lot of money for a cup of coffee?" "Yes," said the bum, "but I like to eat in drive-in restaurants, and I don't own a car!" -------- I was talking with my pastor about his habit of starting church services late. I mentioned that in my years with the Air Force, when the general scheduled us to take off at 0700 hours, he didn't mean 0705 or 0710. The pastor looked at me and said, "My general outranks your general." -<>- ,,, (o-o) -----------------------------------------------------ooO-(_)-Ooo---- >The First Parent (by Bill Cosby) Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't." "Don't what?", Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." "Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" "It's over there," said God, wondering why He hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having a forbidden fruit break and He was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Adam answered. God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================= >-->From TheMasti: ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a >What Men Really Mean Have you ever asked what men are really thinking when they say the things they do? Well now is your opportunity to answer that very question... "I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "Let's take your car." Really means... "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas." "Woman driver." Really means... "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me." "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means... "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white." "It's a guy thing." Really means... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling "Good idea." Really means... "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating." "Have you lost weight?" Really means... "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill." "My wife doesn't understand me." Really means... "She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them." "It would take too long to explain." Really means... "I have no idea how it works." "I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means... "The batteries in the remote are dead." "I got a lot done." Really means... "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture." "We're going to be late." Really means... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "You cook just like my mother used to." Really means... "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." Really means... "Are you still talking?" "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means... "I forgot our anniversary again." "You expect too much of me." Really means... "You want me to stay awake." "It's a really good movie." Really means... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear." "That's women's work." Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless." "Will you marry me?" Really means... "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." "Go ask your mother." Really means... "I am incapable of making a decision." "You know how bad my memory is." Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I do help around the house." Really means... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket." "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I can't find it." Really means... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "What did I do this time?" Really means... "What did you catch me at?" "What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means... "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago." "But I hate to go shopping." Really means... "Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse." "No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means... "You may actually get it to start." "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really means... "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, with pre-evolutionary companions." "I heard you." Really means... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You know I could never love anyone else." Really means... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "You look terrific." Really means... "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving." "I brought you a present." Really means... "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game." "I missed you." Really means... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means... "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework." Really means... "I make the messes, she cleans them up." "This relationship is getting too serious." Really means... "I like you more than my truck." "I recycle." Really means... "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties." "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." Really means... "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?" "It sure snowed last night." Really means... "I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now." "It's good beer." Really means... "It was on sale." "I don't need to read the instructions." Really means... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help." "I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means... "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one." "I broke up with her." Really means... "She dumped me." "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means... "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window." -<>- ____ /\ __\_ / \/ \___\ \ /___/ /\_/ \ \ / \____\ ___/\ _ / / / \/ \ /_\/____/ \ / \___\ / \_/\ / / / \/___/ \ _ / / \/_| /___/ / \___\ \ /\_/___/ \/___/ [n4biS] >Puzzle: Only 5% of Stanford University graduates figured it out! Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word? 1. The word has seven letters 2. Preceded God 3. Greater than God 4. More Evil than the devil 5. All poor people have it 6. Wealthy people need it 7. If you eat it, you will die Did you figure it out? Think hard before looking at the answers Did you get it yet? Give up? Brace yourself for the answer The Answer is below... -<>- _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb >HUMORS... The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?" The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me." The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?" The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know." The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?" The Man Said "Yes" The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison" -<>- Romantic SMS Romantic...SMS She sends the following message: My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams If you're smiling, send me your smile If you're crying, send me your tears I love you He Replied: I'm on the toilet. What do I send? -<>- >The Puzzle Answer: NOTHING! NOTHING has 7 letters. NOTHING preceded God. NOTHING is greater than God. NOTHING is more Evil than the devil. Poor people have NOTHING. Wealthy people need NOTHING. If you eat NOTHING, you will die =========================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** ^ _ ^ | { \ 0 / } ---*--- { /|\ } |\ { /|||\ } | /---------------\ {/ ||| \} | \ / \ ||||| | \ \ / _ \ ||||||| *^* o | \ \ \ / O| _ \ / \ |0| (=) | /| - / \ | ) |\ ## /|\ 0 | \ \ \ | (\ | |\/| | (|\ /|||\ === \ \ ___ || | | | | __|| \[=]/ /o\ \ /o=/| || | | | /\___ | | || ||| =O= |---|/ / |\| | | \ |\| o/ \ ||| ||| |---|| |___\ | | || | | |__\ / \ ||| | | ** 24 WAYS WE'RE DIFFERENT THIS CHRISTMAS ** 1. Last Christmas we were thinking about all the things we didn't have; this Christmas we are thinking about all the things we do have. 2. Last Christmas we were placing wreaths on the doors of our homes; this Christmas we are placing wreaths on the graves of our heroes. 3. Last Christmas we were counting our money; this Christmas we are counting our blessings. 4. Last Christmas we were lighting candles to decorate; this Christmas we are lighting candles to commemorate. 5. Last Christmas we paid lip service to the real meaning of the holidays; this Christmas we are paying homage to it. 6. Last Christmas we were digging deep into our bank accounts to find money to fly home for the holidays; this Christmas we are digging deep into our souls to find the courage to do so. 7. Last Christmas we were trying not to let annoying relatives get the best of us; this Christmas we are trying to give the best of ourselves to them. 8. Last Christmas we thought it was enough to celebrate the holidays; this Christmas we know we must also find ways to consecrate them. 9. Last Christmas we thought a man who could rush down a football field was a hero; this Christmas we know a man who rushes into a burning building is the real one. 10. Last Christmas we were thinking about the madness of the holidays; this Christmas we are thinking about the meaning of them. 11. Last Christmas we were getting on one another's nerves; this Christmas we are getting on our knees. 12. Last Christmas we giving thanks for gifts from stores; this Christmas we are giving thanks for gifts from GOD. 13. Last Christmas we were wondering how to give our children all the things that money can buy; this Christmas we are wondering how to give them all the things money can't (peace, security). 14. Last Christmas we were thinking about all the pressure we are under at the office; this Christmas we are thinking about all the people who no longer have an office to go to. 15. Last Christmas we were singing carols; this Christmas we are singing anthems. 16. Last Christmas we were thinking how good it would feel to be affluent; this Christmas we are thinking how good it feels to be alive. 17. Last Christmas we thought angels were in heaven; this Christmas we know they are right here on earth. 18. Last Christmas we were contemplating all the changes we wanted to make in the new year; this Christmas we are contemplating all the changes we will have to make in this new reality. 19. Last Christmas we believed in the power of the pocketbook; this Christmas we believe in the power of prayer. 20. Last Christmas we were sharing / spreading / listening to gossip; this Christmas we are sharing / spreading and listening to the Gospel. 21. Last Christmas we were complaining about how much of our earnings went to taxes; this Christmas we comprehend that freedom isn't free. 22. Last Christmas we valued things that were costly; this Christmas we value things that are holy. 23. Last Christmas the people we idolized wore sports uniforms; this Christmas the people we honor wear police, firefighter and military uniforms. 24. Last Christmas peace on earth is something we prayed for on Sunday morning; now it's something we pray for every day. -<>- Ho Ho Ho? / _/_ \_ __ \\_ / \_/ ,< ==-o _| * \ __, /_) \_\__// * / ^\-' //\ \ \\ \ ') /_) ),-. // \\ (( )) * _\\ //_ . ..((__)(__))..b'ger >** A DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS ** It's one day after Christmas...I'm crabby and I'm broke. I'm so full of ham and fruitcake, I think I'm gonna croak. It's nice to see the relatives...I wonder when they'll leave. They've been camping in my bathroom since early Christmas Eve. They're eating everything in sight and sleeping in my bed. I've been sacked out in the basement with my beagle, Fred. The relatives have all gone out and left their screaming brats. The toilet bowl is all plugged up and I can't find the cat. I love the decorations, and the sleigh bells in the snow, But I wish those pesky relatives would take their kids and go. Those cookie crunchers fed the dog a twenty pound rib roast. His feet are sticking in the air like skinny old fence posts. Now they're in a free-for-all, the girls against the boys. They're fighting over boxes 'cause they're bored with all their toys. My mother-in-law is snoring in my favorite TV chair. Those kids are stringing lights on her and tinseling her hair. I oughta wake her up before the fireworks begin. But I wanna see those blue sparks fly when they plug her in. ~~~Author unknown -<>- ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' ** A QUESTION ** How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" ** Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a burned-out bulb? ** Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. ** Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! ** Rottweiler: Make me. ** Lab: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? ** Siberian Husky: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. ** Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. ** Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. ** Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. ** Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch. ** Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark...... ** Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. ** Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. ** Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this headache..... ** Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.... ** Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? ** Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.... ** Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? ** German Shepherd: Alright, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light? I SAID,"STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!" ** Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz ** Cat: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light? -<>- ,``'.' / \ \ \ / \ | | ''''''.| | | `````'` | | | /'''' - (| | | /'``` . | | | / ''''' / ./ / '```` / |/ / ''''`| \/ / ' |` / / / /| /| | / '. || | ) ++ | \ | | | | \ .. \ _/ \ ' ./ | / \ | \ \ | \ | | . | | | | | | | | | | | .| | / / | / / / | | / / | | / / | | ==/ | | | | ==/ | | / | \ | Pru | | V | | V ** Teaching My Wife To Play Golf ** This fellow's wife constantly berated him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relented and off they go. First hole: Par 3, 179 yards, very pretty. The husband steps up first and says, "Now watch me, and do the same thing." A nice shot, lands on the green with about 30 feet to the cup. The wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and bounces it off a rock, clips a tree, sideswipes the second rock and rolls up onto the green and sinks it. The husband looks at this, and says, "OK, now you know how to play, let's go home." -<>- __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ ** AFTER CHRISTMAS LAMENT ** And how could a Christmas Dash be complete without a word from the Weight Watcher, 'me'?? 'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste As the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared. The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.' As I dressed myself, in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--. I said to myself, only as I can 'You can't spend a winter disquised as a man.! So-away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip. Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.' I won't have a cookie - not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore-- But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! -<>- >Oxymorons ** Found Missing ** Genuine Imitation ** Airline Food ** Good Grief ** Almost Exactly ** Sanitary Landfill ** Alone Together ** Silent Scream ** British Fashion ** Small Crowd ** Soft Rock ** Butt Head ** New York Culture ** Sweet Sorrow ** Childproof ** Taped Live ** Temporary Tax Increase ** Plastic Glasses ** Terribly Pleased ** Pretty Ugly ** Twelve Ounce Pound cake ** Working Vacation ** Religious Tolerance ** Exact Estimate ** Microsoft Works -<>- ** BUMPER STICKERS ** ** 'Driver carries no cash; he is married.' ** 'Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them.' ** 'My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.' ** 'God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombadier. ** 'Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.' ** 'Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.' -<>- _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as ** Living In Minnesota ** One day my brother-in-law, Don, got stuck in a snowdrift, and his efforts to try to free his car proved fruitless. Finally his neighbor came by. The neighbor grabbed a chain, hooked it to his truck, wrapped it around Don's rear bumper, then started to back up the truck. Suddenly the car's bumper ripped off and went flying. The neighbor got our of his truck, assessed the situation and said, "Well, Don, we'll have to pull out bigger pieces than that or we'll be here all day." -<>- ** A Bad Example ** A father was scolding his young son for telling lies. "I NEVER told lies when I was your age!" he exclaimed. "So how old were you when you started?" asked the boy. -<>- .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] ** We Know You're a Teacher If ** * You want to slap the next person who says: "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!" * You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as 'the lounge'. * You're sure the lounge should be equipped with a valium salt lick. * You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside. * You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form. * When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group. * When out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior. * You think people should be able to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce. * You know you're in for a MAJOR project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun!" * Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this child like this?" -<>- __ __ / '. .' \ | |`\ \ / /`| | \.--' '-' '--./ .' .-'"'"'-. '. / .-(((( ))))-. \ .' / =/_o/___\o_\= \ '. .' / .-' '-. \ '. / / / \ \ \ / | \ \ / / | \ | \ /-`.__.__.`-\ / | \ \ ` \.-./ ` / / \ '-._ , '-' , _.-' / '. /()`'-'-=-'-'`()\ .' jgs `/`\ '()()()()()() /`\` ** Great truths about Life that Adults have learned ** ( A ReRun From Andy) 1. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 2. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 3. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 4. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. 5. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground. 6. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely. 7. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 8. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever. -<>- _________________________ |\ _____________________ /| | |_____________________| | |/_______________________\| /=========================\ '===========================' | ~~ _|_ ~~ | | | | |_________________________|lc ** The Strange and Unusual ** A renowned heart surgeon in LA died. The funeral was lavish, with the coffin placed in front of a mammoth heart replica. As the minister finished with the eulogy, there was barely a dry eye in the room. .:::. .:::. .d$$$$$$$b. .d$$$$$$$b. .d$P*' '*7$b. .d$P*' '*7$b. .:$:' ':$$V$$: ':$:. :$$' ':$:' '$$: :$$ ' $$: ':$. .$:' :$: :$: '$b d$' :$: :$: '$: :$' '$: :$' '$:. .:$' '$:. .:$' '%:. .:%' '*. .*' ' . ' dem At the end of the service, the heart opened and the coffin slowly rolled inside. At that moment one of the mourners was having serious difficulty stifling the giggles. The guy next to him, a good friend of the deceased asked, "Why are you laughing?" "I don't mean any disrespect. I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "What's so funny about that?" "I'm a gynecologist!" ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Says It All! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saysitall.html Morons At Work! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Thinkers And Thier Desks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html Slow Loris http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sloris.html World's Best Husband! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html Sweets For The Sweet! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Coolest Trapeze Act Ever! http://www.coolestone.com/media/2819/Coolest-Trapeze-Act-Ever/ --- ...Super! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : icon search engine http://www.iconwanted.com/ ripped : convert Web pages to e-books http://goo.gl/QGQw ripped : free data backup (2GB) https://spideroak.com/ ripped : minus - share simply (free 10 GB) http://minus.com/ --- ...Good Ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: Dirty Sneakers http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdj.htm Dodge Viper VS Tzero Electric Car http://www.buffaloschips.com/89uy.htm Dog In Trance http://www.buffaloschips.com/t43e.htm Don't Eat While Driving http://www.buffaloschips.com/t54.htm Energy Star http://www.buffaloschips.com/gre3.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ======================================================= >-->Thoughts And Thunkers: "Ninety-nine percent of the eggnog purchased all year is purchased during the week before Christmas. And 99 percent of that eggnog is poured down the drain during the week after Christmas." -Jimmy Kimmel "There's only a few days left to finish your Christmas shopping. Or as most guys look at it, 'There's still a few days left to start my Christmas shopping.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Here's a fun fact: You know how much Christmas wrapping paper is on the average roll? Four inches less than you need." -Jay Len "There's a new website that allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That one place is called 'work." -Conan O'Brien "Budweiser announced they are coming out with a beer that has caffeine in it. "I am so tired in the morning. I really don't get moving until I have my first cup of beer." --Jay Leno "The FDA says it will limit the amount of pain reliever found in Vicodin. Which explains my new substitute for Vicodin: two Vicodin." -Jimmy Fallon "Why is New Jersey called the Garden State? Cause it's too hard to fit 'Oil and Petro-Refinery State' on a license plate." --Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality A week has no basis in nature, as do days, months and years. So birds don't understand weeks or weekdays. They do know enough to come back to the sidewalk cafe every day for crumbs. But suppose the cafe is in the business district and closed on weekends? What do the birds think of that? I'll bet they're really glad when Monday rolls around. Unlike the rest of us." --George Carlin "Someone has said that there are only two kinds of people in the world---- There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Grief, it's morning." --Unknown "In a new interview, Uma Thurman says that when she wants to lose weight, she keeps her food intake down by eating in the nude. Actually, I tried that once, but I was kicked out of Denny's." --Conan O'Brien "The Bolshoi Ballet in Russia has fired one of Russia's best known ballerinas after some of the male dancers complained she was too fat to lift. They called her the nutcracker." --Jay Leno "My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way." --Henny Youngman "The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close." - Mark Twain >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************