A Fishy Day, Cats And More... :) Shangy!
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================
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~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This super scorcher new page is from our friend Linda. One of
those fun places to visit! It appears to be a perfect haven for
water fun and couple romance. Be sure to check this out here:
O ,
.::7:::::U2\P\
'*qf\P '<\
'<\ '
'
unknown
Africa's Manta Resort
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/manta.html
---
...Wow! I'd especially love the night views there! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
/\
,'.'
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_.,._ _,.-+`'+-._ .|.
_.+'` `.' \ (___)
,' \ \
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\ \ \
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\ \ \
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\ _.-~`'~-._ _\_.-+'`'`+-._\
ag `,' `---`
>Just A Note...
Yesterday I talked a little about politics to you in my Extra and
was rather surprised and pleased to learn I wasn't the only one
with these exact same views. I normally record Saturday night's Judge
Jeanine show and watch it when I have time later on Sunday. That was
again the case this time, but when I watched it last night, I was
amazed at how much her show correlated with my little Extra article
and how like minded we were. Then it hit me. That's God. He does this
all the time. I'll get an idea to bring something to your attention
and then I'll see later that some very popular people are talking about
the same thing! That's not a coincidence. I don't receive daily talking
points or anything. Not that many people care about little ole me to
try and direct what I bring up and share with you. God brings us
together with His wisdom and His knowledge. See if you don't agree.
Check out her show here:
Justice With Judge Jeanine 6/23/18
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7CCobGTZWk
And If you have never seen this demonstration - make sure you do!
Immigration, World Poverty and Gumballs - NumbersUSA.com
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPjzfGChGlE
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
________________________
///\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\/\\\
//\{}//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//{}/\\
///&%&%&%&/~~~~~~~~~~~~\&%&%&%&\\\
||&%&%&_.' '._&%&%&||
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||&%& o )____ <)\/ &%&||
||&%& /_=-/_____| /\ &%&||
ejm97 ||&%&& ( /\.| | /~/ &&%&||
______||&%&&======================&&%&||______
Conductor to orchestra at the beginning of a rehearsal:
"Please get your pencils out, we have some marking to do on this score:
The first two bars are in 3/4, not 4/4 as written. Next, in the 5th bar,
change it to 7/8 and this remains to the end. Now, in bar 7 we lower the
pitch 1/2 step. In bar 13, lower the pitch one whole step and this will
remain to the end. Thank you. Now, let us begin."
Soprano soloist: "Excuse me, Maestro. What would you like for me to
change?"
Conductor: "Nothing at all madam. Just sing it exactly as you did
yesterday."
-<>-
The teacher was telling the story of Christoper Columbus and how many
thought that the world was flat. Then she had mentioned that the world
was really round and got interrupted...
"Miss Smith, the world is square, not round," said Johnny.
"No, it's round Johnny. Who told you it was square?" replied the
teacher.
"My older brother. He claims he's been to all 4 corners of the earth."
-<>-
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks, "What do two plus
two equal?"
The mathematician replies, "Four."
The interviewer asks, "Four, exactly?"
The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, "Yes,
four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question:
"What do two plus two equal?"
The accountant says, "On average, four – give or take ten percent, but
on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question,
"What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next
to the interviewer and says, "What do you want it to equal?"
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the
economy.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 25 is Log Cabin Day and National Catfish Day
June 26 is Beautician's Day, Forgiveness Day and National Canoe Day
June 27 is Sun Glasses Day
June 28 Insurance Awareness Day, International Body Piercing Day
and Paul Bunyan Day
June 29 is Camera Day, Hug Holiday, International Mud Day and
Waffle Iron Day
June 30 is Meteor Day
July 1 is Build A Scarecrow Day, Canada Day / Dominion Day,
Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day, International Chicken Wing Day
and International Joke Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
__,
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.'(0) '._/ _.-. `\
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`-.,\'.\_,.-\` \`---; .' /
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>Resume
My friend had been pounding the pavement in search of a job with no
luck. Frustrated, she asked her dad to look at her resume.
He didn't get much further than the first line of her cover letter
before spotting the problem.
"Is it too generic?" she asked.
"I doubt it," said her father. "Especially since it's addressed 'Dear
Sir or Madman.'"
-<>-
>Can't Hear You
Dad: Max! Why didn't you answer me when I called you?
Max: I didn't hear you, Dad.
Dad: What do you mean you didn't hear me?
Max does not respond.
Dad: How many times didn't you hear me?
Max: I don't know, maybe three or four times.
-<>-
>Specific Language
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn't help him with a project
that was written in a programming language that I didn't know.
"Let's say you're asking me to write something in a specific
language. Now, I'm fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is
in Chinese. Since I don't understand Chinese, I'm not your best
option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?"
He said he did and thanked me.
The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, "Why is
(client's name) asking us if we're fluent in Chinese?"
-<>-
>Jeans
I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage sale.
They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I
asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.
"I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year."
-<>-
>Preparation for Parenthood
MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your
hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains
with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there
all summer.
TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not
available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have
a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to
walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a
child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best)
and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep
them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into
a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with
water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug
swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit
Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be
an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8
to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to
waltz and hum with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your
alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you
have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00
AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up
for 5 years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to
the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove
10% of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on
the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the
nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your
paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper.
Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child.
Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline,
patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many
things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should
never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It
will be the last time you'll have all the answers.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
_
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) `-/ `-' `-' \-` (
) _.-| __ |-._ (
)_.-` \ .-' `-._ / `-._(
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`-._ _.-"
``
>SMILES
A new, inexperienced waitress said she was concerned about being able to
carry the heavy trays and serve from them. A co-worker explained that
there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant.
The nervous beginner served all her lunches successfully and afterward
asked an elderly couple if everything had been all right.
"It was fine, dear," replied the man, "but my wife and I have to leave
now. Could she please have her walker back?"
----------
A newcomer to Manchester arrives on a rainy day.
She gets up the next day and it's raining.
It also rains the day after that, and the day after that.
She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair,
asks, "Hey kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"
The boy replies, "How should I know? I'm only 6."
----------
Over beers, two mates were having a discussion
about the charms of a certain actress.
"I say she's overrated," said one. "Take away her
hair, her lips, and her figure, and what have you got?"
"My ol' lady." said the other.
----------
I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On
our first day of training, the instructor made an important point
about preparing for landing at 300 feet. "How do you know when
you're at 300 feet?" asked one woman. "A good question," replied the
instructor. "At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on
the ground." The woman thought about this for awhile before saying,
"What happens if there's no one there I know?"
----------
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man
said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to
twins"
"That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three
musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good grief, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house,
my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
-------
A young woman brought her fiance' home to meet her parents. After
dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young
man.
The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.
"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.
"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.
"A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what
will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"
"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for
us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she
deserves?" asked the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will
provide for us."
"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the man.
The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father
questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.
Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?"
The father answered, "another Democrat, He has no job, he has no
plans, and he thinks I'm God."
-------
| I wouldn't do that
| if I were you...
: /
J /
o\_ /o
~~~~~~~~~/(_/~~~ ~~~(__\~~~ ~~~~~~ b'ger
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God
bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the
thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
prayers which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and
goodbye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy Moly," thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other
side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
say: "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up
at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all
day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by
until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead
of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late,
what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day
of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
happened to me this morning. My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of
my lesson!"
--------
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed
their own stock.
They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister,
‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to
drive out after me and haul it home.’
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides
she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no
less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph
office and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her
that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer
to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then
adds, ‘It’s just 99 cents a word.’ Well, after paying for the bull, the
brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send
her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send
her the word ‘comfortable.’
The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word
‘comfortable?’
The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read
it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.’
---
...OH My! HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Karen :)
^
// ___ ___
(*) "O" / _ _ \
(*) / \ / \
(*) "O" | | | |\
// |O |O |___/ \ ++
// \_/ \_/ \ | ++
// _/ __ \ \
/ /| /\ (________/ __ |_/
/ | | | (___ / | |\
/ / / | \ \| |___/ |
| | | / \_________ _/ ++++
/ | | | ++ \ |
| / / | ++ | / +++
/ / | | ++ /__/
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~+++~~~~ ~
>Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they can:
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the
hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she
feels depressed. Obviously, it has been Translated directly, word for
word from Mandarin to English....
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the
hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing
water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you
will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall.
He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are
always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available
in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to
conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note
that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize
social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At
dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with
you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter,
every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of
outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise,
since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have
any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage
of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and
underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You
will struggle to forget it."
-<>-
....._____.......
/ \/|
\o__ /\|
\|
>You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being
in the country illegally.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of
dollars of debt is to spend trillions more of our money.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
The Supreme Court of the United States can rule that lower courts
cannot display the 10 Commandments in their courtroom, while sitting in
front of a display of the 10 Commandments.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately
discipline them while children of "underprivileged" drug addicts are
left to rot in filth infested cesspools.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Working class Americans pay for their own health care (and the
health care of everyone else) while unmarried women are free to have
child after child on the "State's dime' while never being held
responsible for their own choices.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Hard work and success are rewarded with higher taxes and government
intrusion, while slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC
checks, Medicaid and subsidized housing.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
The government's plan for getting people back to work is to provide
99 weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the
constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
The rights of the Government come before the rights of the
individual.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Parents believe the State is responsible for providing for their
children.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
You pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big
screen TV while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying
iphones, TV's and new cars) and the government forgives his debt and
reduces his mortgage (with your tax dollars).
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you "safe".
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
You have to have your parents signature to go on a school field
trip but not to get an abortion.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
An 80 year old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a
Muslim woman in a burqa is only subject to having her neck and head
searched.
-<>-
7,_ .'. ,
__..'`;`-' | `--;|
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`\..-' .-',/ <_|<| |>-. | `""/
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\`-. _.' `.__/ \/'._\, `\
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`\_\ fsc
Monster fish from the deepest parts of the sea...
Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband,
six children and a large house. The only relief she got from
her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with
a dozen other women.
The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Fay
loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn't want to
hear them.
To teach Fay a lesson, the other women decided that the next
time she told an off-color story, they'd just get up, walk
out, meet at another home but without Fay.
Sure enough, at the next meeting, Fay started, "You know, girls,
there's a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes
will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in
Alaska, and they say...."
Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.
Fay was disconcerted but only for a moment, then she understood
what was going on and said, "Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on!
There's plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave till morning!"
---
...LOL! Oh my goodness! Thanks Karen!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
First Lady Melania Trump Makes Surprise Visit to Texas Shelter,
Seeks To ‘Quickly’ Reunite Families
https://tinyurl.com/ya4jffaa
Six Months After Tax Reform, Something Big Is Happening
- The Wall Street Journal
https://tinyurl.com/y99p49c
This is How to Reshape American Government for the 21st Century
- The Hill
https://tinyurl.com/ybunpyfa
Boom: Over 95% of Manufacturers Bullish on Future, ‘Record Optimism’
- Washington Examiner
https://tinyurl.com/ycd45g9o
President Trump Wants My Department to Keep Space Safe. We’re Ready.
- The Washington Post
https://tinyurl.com/ybzjt73s
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Move America Forward
http://www.moveamericaforward.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
There are too many guns in America, at least from this guy's
point of view. After pulling off what sounds like a slick,
little 'snatch-and-grab' he was confronted with one of
America's biggest problems; too many guns.
The incident began when 36-year-old Christopher Raymond Hill,
entered the liquor store at Walmart in Florida and asked if
he can exchange a $20 for smaller bills. The employee
informed Hill that he would have to buy something in order
to get change from the $20 bill.
Hill then bought a pack of cigarettes, but when the cashier
opened the register, he jumped on the counter, he grabbed
the cash register and ran out of the store.
In the parking lot, Hill got into a car where a man was
sitting with his family. Hill pulled out a knife and ordered
the husband to drive him to where he needed to go.
But when the victim pulled out his gun in self-defense, Hill
fled. He then went to another car and tried to get another
man to drive him away from the crime scene.
This victim also pulled out a gun, scaring the knife-wielding
robber.
Hill fled on foot across the street where he barricaded him-
self in the bathroom of a Supercuts store. Police were
eventually able to arrest Hill.
He was taken into custody on charges of strong-arm robbery,
carjacking with a firearm or deadly weapon, aggravated
battery with a deadly weapon and trespassing.
-<>-
While this is one of the more despicable crimes a person
could come up with, you have to appreciate the ingenuity.
So what is the biggest risk in a robbery? Getting caught,
of course. Especially if you get caught by someone packing
a firearm, like a police officer or one pissed off homeowner
who does not appreciate the fact that you just used a crow-
bar to force open his $400 premium 4-panel steel security
door with shatter-resistant frosted glass and are now
standing in his living room holding his Xbox One.
The obvious solution is to make sure that no one is going
to be wherever you are planning to rob. But how? This woman
came up with a way to rob people while ensuring that they
will not be home at the time.
Police in New York began looking for a thief who targeted
people while they were mourning the loss of their loved
ones. Several people in Westchester County filed reports
on different occasions after returning home from funerals
and finding that their homes were burglarized.
In a rather morbid sting operation, Greenburgh Police
waited outside the home of someone who died in Tarrytown
until they caught 26-year-old Latonia Stewart from the
Bronx trying to enter. Officers found items that was stolen
from a home in Irvington in her vehicle. Police said that
Stewart looked through obituaries to pick her targets,
knowing exactly when they would be out of their homes.
She was arrested on multiple burglary-related charges.
*---- Basic Driving Skills Defeat Car Thief ----*
Security cameras outside a Pennsylvania home were rolling
when an attempted truck thief was foiled by his inability
to make a three-point turn. The Bensalem Police Department
posted a video showing the man attempting to steal a pickup
truck, which had been left unlocked in a driveway with the
keys inside. The man attempts to make a three-point turn
around the car parked behind the truck, but repeatedly hits
the other vehicle. The would-be thief eventually gets out
of the truck and flees on foot
*------------- James Bond He's Not -------------*
A couple traveling on a Florida highway captured video of a
driver using some kind of device to cover their license plate
while going through a toll booth. The video, recorded on
eastbound Highway 836 in Miami, shows the Chrysler Pacifica
traveling in front of the filmer's vehicle when a black cover
descends to conceal its license plate from toll booth cameras.
The couple said they reported the driver to the Florida
Highway Patrol. "I was told by the Florida State Troopers that
this is not the first time this driver has committed this
crime," the woman wrote.
*------- Porn Shoot Heats Up Fire Station ------*
Two Akron, OH Fire Department firefighters, Arthur Dean and
Deann Eller are on paid leave pending an investigation into
allegations that they created pornographic videos in an
Akron fire station. According to Chief Tucker, the station
received an anonymous tip that the pornographic material was
online. The firefighters were placed on administrative leave
immediately following the findings. Akron Mayor Dan Horrigan
and Fire Chief Clarence Tucker released the following state-
ment: "Allegations involving two City of Akron firefighters
recently came to the attention of the City. The allegations
relate to the creation of pornographic content displayed
online - some of which is alleged to have taken place on City
property. The City is actively conducting an investigation
into the allegations, and we will take prompt and appropriate
action based on the results of that investigation. The two
employees were immediately placed on administrative leave
pursuant to their union agreement, pending the investigation.
The employees involved are not assigned to work at the same
fire station and were known to be in a long-term relationship."
*----- I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won -----*
A Mississippi man is accused of beating a neighbor with a
hammer and an ax handle for hiring someone else to mow their
lawn. The Greenwood Commonwealth reports 39-year-old Brad
Gentry had been paid to mow his neighbor's lawn but stopped
halfway through and left. Sheriff Ricky Banks says the
neighbor, Ray Farris, then went and got someone else to
finish the task. Banks says Gentry came back angry and "beat
the heck out of the man and took $40 off of him." Gentry is
charged with armed robbery and aggravated assault for the
attack. Banks says Farris drove himself to the hospital
despite being struck in the head multiple times. The extent
of his injuries is unknown.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Cloie :)
____
/\| ~~\
/' | ,-. `\
| | X | |
_|________`-' |X
/' ~~~~~~~~~,
/' ,_____,/_
,/' ___,'~~ ;
~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~|--- / X,~~~~~~~~~~~~,
| | | XX'____________'
| | /' XXX| ;
| | --x| XXX,~~~~~~~~~~~~,
| | X| '____________'
| o |---~~~~\__XX\ |XX
| | XXX`\ /XXXX
~~~~~~~~'~~~~~~~' `\xXXXXx/' \XXX
/XXXXXX\
/XXXXXXXXXX\
/XXXXXX/^\XDCAU\
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
[Politics]
Dear Hollywood celebrities
You exist for my entertainment. Some of you are great eye candy. Some of
you can deliver a line with such conviction that you bring tears to my
eyes. Some of you can scare the crap out of me. Others make me laugh.
But you all have one thing in common, you only have a place in my world
to entertain me. That’s it.
You make your living pretending to be someone else, playing dress up
like a 6 year old. You live in a make believe world in front of a
camera, and often, when you are away from one too, your entire existence
depends on my patronage.
I’ll crank the organ grinder, you dance.
I don’t really care where you stand on issues. Honestly, your stance
matters far less to me than that of my neighbor. You see, you aren’t
real in my life. I turn off the TV or shut down my computer and you
cease to exist in my world, and once I am done with you, I can put you
back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again.
I don’t care that you think the Oil executives deserve the death
penalty. But I bet you looked pretty and cute saying it.
Am I supposed to care what the director of fluffy tripe made for
gullible people thinks about global warming or gun control? Get back
into your bubble. I’ll let you know when I’m in the mood for something
blue and shiny.
And I'm also supposed to care that you will leave this great country now
that Trump is the president? Ha….WRONG!.... Please don't forget to close
the door behind you.. We'd like to reserve your place for someone who
loves this country and really wants to be here.
Make me laugh, or cry, scare me, but realize that the only words of
yours that matter are scripted. I might agree with some of you from time
to time, but it doesn’t matter. In my world, you exist solely for my
entertainment
So, shut your pie hole Monkeys and dance!
---
...Oh My! LOL! About the size of it! Thanks Cloie!
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
|\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ __ ___
| \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ | O~-_ _-~~ ~~-_
| >----|-|-|-|-|-|-|--| __/ / BELIEVE )
| / / / / / / / / |__\ < )
|/ / / / / / / / \_ ME ! _)
~--___--~
unknown
>Think About It
I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity...
I just can't put it down.
-<>-
>What Kind of Tracks Are They?
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks."
And the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the
train hit them.
-<>-
>I Got A Note
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier,
they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each
other written notes.
One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow
morning at 6 am."
The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.
Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on
his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
-<>-
,.. . ,.. . ,.. . ,.. . ,.. . ,.. .
`~' `~^~' ``~' `~^~' ``~' `~^~' ``~' `~^~' ``~' `~^~' ``~' `~^~' `
\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/
\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/
\\ \\/ \\\/ \\ \/ \\ \/ \\ \/ \\ \/
\,... \ ,... \ ,... \ ,... \ ,.../ \ ,...\/ \ ,... \/\
\\;::(O; \\\;::(O; \\\;::(O; \\\;::(O; \\\;::(O;/ \\\;::(O;\/\\\;::(O; \\\\
<{(fishy <{(fishy/ <{(fishy / <{(fishy /<{(fishy <{(fishy/ <{(fishy\/ <{
//^UWU~ \///^UWU~/ ///^UWU~\/ ///^UWU~ \////^UWU~ \///^UWU~/ ///^UWU~\/ ///
\/// \// // / \/ /// / // //\/ / /\/ // \/ // \/// \/ / \// \///
\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/
\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/
o0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O
0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0Oo0OOo0O0oo0O
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Richard Kirk
>The Best of Rodney Dangerfield
"I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great Uncle fought
for the west!"
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
a radio."
"What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!"
"I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke
up and a blind man was reading my face."
"I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing."
-<>-
~~~. ~~ ^ .^ ~~ ~~~ , ~ ^ . , . ~~~~ . ~~
. . ~ ~ ~~. . ^. ~ ___
---.. ~~ ^ ~~~ ^ ^ // ____
___ $^$ ~~~^^^. .~~^^. . ~ _ || // ~~ ~~~ ^ ^~~.
\.% \:/ ____ ^ ^ ^ ^ ~~~,\\/\_ ___.~~~.%
~~~. ^~ %`\ /xXx\ /`_ .\~~'^``~~~~~% . ~~'~'~ / \ _/ \// %.~ ~~~% ~~
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African Dancer
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What time do ducks wake up in the morning?
A: At the quack of dawn.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A twig.
Q: What does Godzilla drive?
A: A monster truck!
Q: Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield?
A: There are too many ears!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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~~~ Zeus
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and
I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was
disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions
of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have
them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom
over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was
looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the
store."
-<>-
The company my brother worked for had a phone system that
rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a
certain line while he was working late, Dave knew it would
be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the
phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline.
I'm sorry, but you've dialed the wrong number."
The caller would often reply with something like, "But I
didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I
dialed the wrong.... Oh!" (Click.)
-<>-
A pretty young blonde stood at the bank cashier's window and
smiled. "I'd like to cash this check, please," she said,
handing it over.
The teller examined the check and said: "Could you identify
yourself, Miss?"
For a moment the lovely girl's brow creased over, then with
a bright look she fumbled in her handbag and producing a
mirror, glanced in it and with relief said, "Yes! It's me,
all right!"
The clerk said, "No Ma'am, you misunderstood me. We require
a photo identification."
The girl searched her bag again and found a picture with a
group of people. "This is a recent family photo," she
explained. "That's me, third from the left."
-<>-
/(_
/_ (_
/ O \
|_. |
\ |
| |\
/ | \
| \ (-.\ fish walking
_)\ \ (
)_/\ \_(
\ /
) ( _ _ _
/ _ \ /'\/'\'\
/ _// / \(/\(/(/
\\_/_/ \_\/ ./<./If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything:
Stamps - Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators - Hearty Starty
Bumble bees - Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy test - Maybe Baby
Bra - Breasty Nestie
Fork - Stabby Grabby
Socks - Feetie Heatie
Hippo - Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare - Screamy Dreamy
-<>-
.'|_.-
.' ' /_
.-" -. '>
.- -. -. '. / /|_
.-.--.-. ' > / /
(o( o( o ) \_." <
'-'-''-' ) <
( _.-'-. ._\. _\
'----"/--.__.-) _- \|
AoS "V"" "V"
>A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat
by using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure
on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit
the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives.
You'll be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If
it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't
move and it does, use the duct tape.
If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical
problem.
Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies...not really
good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed
down the stairs.
-<>-
/\
/ |
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_ _/ \_ _
) `-._ _/ /O\ /O\ \_ _.-` (
) `-/ `-' `-' \-` (
) _.-| ___ |-._ (
)_.-` \ .-' `-._ / `-._(
\ `-.___.--` /
LGB "-._ _.-"
"-._.-"
A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear
macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor
tried to begin a conversation, "Say, isn't that fine-looking
bunch of cows over there."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' it's 'herd.'"
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows!" finished the city boy excitedly,
"there's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
=========================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
._
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>Cat Quotes
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
-- Unknown
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never
forgotten this."
--Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow."
--Jeff Valdez
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
--Ellen Perry Berkeley
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to
you later."
--Mary Bly
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many
ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
--Joseph Wood Krutch
"People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
--Faith Resnick
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all
owned by cats."
--Anonymous
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is
infinitely superior."
--Hippolyte Taine
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
-<>-
_
\`*-.
) _`-.
. : `. .
: _ ' \
; *` _. `*-._
`-.-' `-.
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. \ . : .-' .
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; ' : :`-: _.`* ;
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`*-* `*-* `*-*'
>Things Cats Must Try To Remember
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to
chase bugs.
If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay
there until I get hungry.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my tail.
No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are
not my toys.
If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.
My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.
The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by
swatting bits of it all over the floor. Or picking it up with my
mouth and shaking it from side to side.
I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.
I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall
and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.
It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it
all dissolves in the boiling coffee.
The goldfish likes living in water and doesn't want to come out and
play.
If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a
piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will
not freak out every time I see it.
I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail
fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.
If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is
much more socially acceptable than a live spider, even if it isn't as
tasty.
Just because I hear voices in my head, I don't have to answer them!
---
_._ _,-'""`-._
(,-.`._,'( |\`-/|
`-.-' \ )-`( , o o)
-bf- `- \`_`"'-
...And one from my own cat:
That cat in the clothes washer glass will always be there. I don't
have to watch it and carefully walk by it every time to make sure it
doesn't leap out and get me. (My cat sees his reflection in the clothes
washer glass as he walks by it to go to his food and water. He slows
down and cautiously walks by watching his reflection every single time!)
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
) _. mmeeoowwrr!
(___)''
/ ,_,/
/'"\ )\
itz
>Food for thought:
* Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster
than the mind.
* You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present
by worrying over the future.
* Love... and you will be loved.
* All people smile in the same language.
* A hug is a great gift, one size fits all. It can be
given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange.
* Everyone needs to be loved, especially when they do
not deserve it.
* The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has
invested in eternity.
* Laughter is liquid sunshine.
* Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
* It's important for parents to live the same things
they teach.
* If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and
the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful
for.
* Happy memories never wear out. Relive them as often as
you want.
* Home is the place where we grumble the most, but are
often treated the best.
* The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow.
* If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.
* Patience is the ability to idle your motor, when you
feel like stripping your gears.
-<>-
//||\
( <' )
) )_(
/.____)
/(____. \
/ _ | _ \
| \|/ |
\ ( /_\ ) /
\ `._)_.' /
`.`. .'.'
`.`.'
( + )
VK `.\
' `
>Top Ten Signs You're Paranoid
10. You run away upon seeing a mall directory that says, "You are here."
9. Thirty five locks on your sock drawer just aren't enough.
8. You hire a private eye to keep an eye out on your house, but then
fire him because he's part of the conspiracy.
7. Before you take the garbage cans back from the street, you check them
for really short Mafia hit men.
6. You are learning six foreign languages because you just know those
people you don't understand are talking about YOU.
5. You even wonder if the guard dog you hired is secretly plotting
against you.
4. You have a funny feeling the voices in your head are plotting behind
your back.
3. It takes you three hours each evening to program the household alarms
and video surveillance system before you can go to bed.
2. You're checking off each number on this list as you read.
1. The Witness Relocation Program has told you to stop showing up unless
you have an actual reason to.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Menu Bloopers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menubloopers.html
Veggie Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggie.html
Big Boy Toys!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html
Egg Face Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggface.html
Egg Sculpture Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/egg.html
Beautiful Starfish!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/starfish.html
Fishing In Florida!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishing.html
True Fish Tale!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishrescue.html
Chinese Wal-Mart!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html
Feeding The Eagles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html
Cell Phone Madness!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone.html
Playing With Words!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wordplay.html
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Longleat's Meals On Wheels!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/meals.html
Germany's Waldgeist Restaurant!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/germanyr.html
-<>-
>Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
https://tinyurl.com/y8ea6zsv
-<>-
LIQUID SCULPTURE
This very cool website displays the beauty of 'liquid
sculptures.' It is amazing the incredible shapes and
colors formed from dropping and splashing water and other
liquids and capturing the sculptures on film.
http://www.liquidsculpture.com/
32 Phrases That Are Instant, Gigantic Red Flags
From Cracked.com: It seems like everywhere you look, people are spouting
problematic opinions. The thing is, there are ways to tell when someone
is about to be awful. There are specific phrases that are gigantic red
flags. Hearing any of the following phrases should immediately kick your
brain into fight or flight mode.
https://tinyurl.com/y8wwqukv
Greatest Film Mis-Quotes
From filmsite.org: Some of the most classic film lines or scenes are
really only legendary and/or apocryphal, or they are merely movie
misquotes, but after many years of repetition and being misquoted in
subsequent films, they have become part of the film-going public's
consciousness. Many of these examples are film quotes that were either
commonly attributed wrongly, or in fact were never actually spoken.
http://www.filmsite.org/moments0.html
Baby Animals Funny and Cute Baby Animal Video Compilation (2018)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLJ99iuValY
Raccoon Steals bird food from feeder - Daily Mail
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=6&v=7XDsczW887k
10 Funniest Raccoon Videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3LpQkOpD20
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
The official music video for the song “Edge Of The Earth” from Don
Diablo is a beautiful look at a Dutch nature reserve. The “Edge Of The
Earth” is the title song for the Dutch film “The New Wilderness” which
was filmed entirely in the Oostvaardersplassen, a nature reserve outside
of Amsterdam. This wonderful nature preserve is home to the largest
population of wild deer and red horses in Europe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ot6pkEkh8gM
---
...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"As the World Cup continues, a report just came out that
football fans in Russia have been drinking so much that
bars are running out of beer. Russian bars didn't order
enough beer? What did they think a bunch a rowdy football
fans were going to do? They're like, 'Guys, the next round
is on me. Sauvignon blanc? Gin and cucumber? I got you.'"
-James Corden
"A baby who was born in Paris on a public train today
received free rides from the transportation company until
his 25th birthday. While a baby born on the New York City
subway received hepatitis." -Seth Meyers
"Banks are starting to offer services through virtual
assistants like Amazon Echo, which backfires when you ask
Alexa for your account balance and she just starts laughing."
-Jimmy Fallon
"It was 90 degrees in New York City today. Yeah, you know
it's bad when you get that dirty gust of wind from the
subway and you go, 'Aaahh!'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A new study has found that people who run marathons have
less arthritis than non-runners. Responded non-runners:
'This. This is why no one wants to hang out with you.'"
-Seth Meyers
"Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the
entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just
spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital."
-Jimmy Fallon
"A clothing company is going to release a $99 wedding
dress. The $99 wedding dress is the perfect way to tell
your man, 'I do, I guess.'" -Conan O'Brien
"An Ohio man was recently arrested after attacking his
roommate with a rolling pin. And I find it amazing that two
male roommates actually owned a rolling pin." -Seth Meyers
"Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will
prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect
for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but
none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien
"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I
work the more I have of it."
- Thomas Jefferson
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy
"The really frightening thing about middle age is that
you know you'll grow out of it."
--Doris Day
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to
remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty
is the second-best policy."
--George Carlin
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.
You really have to love yourself to get anything done
in this world."
--Lucille Ball
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
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