A Lizard Story And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ , //\ / | ; | /_| .-"` `"-. /` `\ / \ .-.,_| .-""""-. | | `",_,-' (((-. '( \ (`"=._.'/ ( (o>'-`"# , '.`"-'` / `--` '==; /\\ `'--'`\ _.'~~ / | \ `.,___,-} | | | ) { } \ \ (.--==---==-------=' o { } ",/` (_) (_) (_) (_) \ / / () o () () ^| \ () ( () o ; / `\ \ ; / } | ) \ / /` } / ,-' |=,_ | /,_ ,'/ | _,.-`/ `"=\ \\ \ | ."` \ | \ \`\ \ | | \ \ `\ \ `\ \ | | \ \ `\ \ \ \ | | \ \ \ \ \ \ | | \ \ \ \ \ \ | | \ \ \ \ \ \ | | ) \ \ \ ) \ jgs `) \ ^ww ) \ ^ww ^ww ^ww *~* WE NEED MORE 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press: This one is a scorcher! It comes from our friend Sandi with a two added corrections from 2 quick readers Roland and Emre. I like these cool fact pages! This was one I hope you will find as interesting as I did! .-..-. (-o/\o-) /`""``""`\ \ /.__.\ / \ `--` / `) (' , /::::\ , |'.\::::/.'| _| ';::;' |_ (::) || (::) _. "| || |" _(:) '. || .' /::\ '._||_.' \::/ /::::\ /:::\ \::::/ _\:::/ /::::\_.._ _.._ _.._ _.._/::::\ \::::/::::\/::::\/::::\/::::\::::/ jgs `""`\::::/\::::/\::::/\::::/`""` `""` `""` `""` `""` World's Largest Things http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/largest.html --- ...Great one! Thanks Sandi, Roland and Emre! ==================================================================== `'::. When Is It Time To Clean House? _________H ,%%&%, /\ _ \%&&%%&% I clean my house according to some / \___/^\___\%&%%&& simple principles that are easy to | | [] [] |%\Y&%' remember: | | .-. | || ~~@._|@@_|||_@@|~||~~~~~~~~~ 1. If you have just stepped on `""") )"""` jgs something and danced around in pain until you slipped on a magazine, it is probably time to pick up again. ___ ___ 2. If you find your scissors by / _ \ _.-'_.' feeling around your dining room \____`-.____.-'_.-' table until you feel something `-. _.\.-' hard of the correct shape, it's ____.-'`__/-._ time to clear off a few things. / _ .-'` '-._`-._ \___/ '-._'-. 3. If you need a gas mask to open jgs `"` your fridge, you might think about throwing away some of 4. If you drop your comb in those leftovers. .-. the bathroom and you pick it | | it up with more hair than is currently attached to |=| your head, it's time to sweep. |=| | | 5. If the neighbors are circulating a petition | | about the state of your yard, you might consider | | cutting the grass - but only if you've failed to | | buy them off with a doll dress or two. | | | | 6. When sorting newspaper, ask yourself if anyone | | asked for it in the last six months (or the last | | time you sorted, whichever comes later). If no | | one has, throw it out. | | ___________ | | /=//==//=/ \ 7. If your feet stick | | |=||==||=| | walking across the kitchen | | |=||==||=|~-, | floor, it's time to mop. |=| |=||==||=|^.`;| jgs |=| jgs \=\\==\\=\`=.: 8. If it takes more than |_| `"""""""`^-,`. 20 minutes to find your .=/I\=. `.~,' kids when you wake them up ////V\\\\ 9. If you ',~^:, in the morning, it's time |#######| haven't seen `.^;`. to have them clean their ||||||||| the floor of ^-.~=;. rooms - use new doll ||||||||| your car for `.^.:`. dresses or Power Ranger ||||||||| a week because stuff as incentives. ||||||||| of the Happy Meal ||||||||| litter on the floor and 'wash me' is written in the dust on the outside of the car, it's time to take the hint. ================================================================= +----------------- Bizarre Oklahoma Laws ------------------+ Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger. It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television. Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus. Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car. It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to make love with a buffalo. ======================================================= >-->From Our Friends Maxy's Pal And Becky :) _(,__ __), (_,d888888888b,d888888888b d888888888888/888888888888b_) (_8888888P'""'`Y8Y`'""'"Y88888b Y8888P.-' ` '-.Y8888b_) ,_Y88P (_(_( )_)_) d88Y_, Y88b, (o ) (o ) d8888P `Y888 '-' '-' `88Y` Let's see if you can do it boys! ,d/O\ c /O\b, \_/'.,______w______,.'\_/ .-` `-. / , d88b d88b_ \ / / 88888bd88888`\ \ / / \ Y88888888Y \ \ \ \ \ 88888888 / / `\ `. \d8888888b, /\\/ `.//.d8888888888b; | |/d888888888888b/ d8888888888888888b ,_d88p""q88888p""q888b, `""'`\ "`| /`'""` `. |===/ > | | / | | | | | | Y / \ / / jgs | /| / / / / | /=/ |=/ `"` `"` THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids ; keep his assigned house clean , correct all homework , and complete science projects , cook , do laundry , and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives , and send cards out on time--no emailing . Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment , a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house , planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done . The men must shave their legs , wear makeup daily , adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes , keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed . During one of the six weeks , the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.. They must attend weekly school meetings , church , and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them , dress them , brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. Oh yes, did I mention that they have to work a 40 Hour/Week job in addition to these few tasks and feed the dog, oops got to keep that water bowl filled!? The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if.. he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother! After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it. Just don't send it back to me..... I'm going to bed. --- ...LOL! Thanks Ladies! ===================================================== >-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) .'\ /`. .'.-.`-'.-.`. ..._: .-. .-. :_... .' '-.(o ) (o ).-' `. : _ _ _`~(_)~`_ _ _ : : /: ' .-=_ _=-. ` ;\ : : :|-.._ ' ` _..-|: : : `:| |`:-:-.-:-:'| |:' : `. `.| | | | | | |.' .' `. `-:_| | |_:-' .' jgs `-._ ```` _.-' ``-------'' >Woman over 50 As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest.. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well- coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. Send this to five fine, fun, fabulous, fancy-free female friends over 50, or Men who might appreciate it too --- ...Lol! Thanks Maxy's Pal! -<>- >Indian Legend: Do you know the legend of one Indian youth's rite of Passage? His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man! Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm. We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him. Moral of the story: Just because you can't see God, Doesn't mean He is not there. 'For we walk by faith, not by sight.' --- ...yes so true! Thanks Maxy's Pal! -<>- ,-. | ,-. \ `-.(+),-' / \:-) (+) (-:/ .'`-._(+)_.-'`. ,'__/\_ (+) _/\__`. / / _/_)(+)(_\_ \ \ / (__/ _(+)_ \__) \ / _,-'" (") "`-._ \ (_,-'" / \ "`-._) Krogg >Concentrate on this Sentence 'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' _,.====. ,=". . . / / ,='. . . ..'.` ==. ,='. . . . ./ / . ,\. ,'. . . . . ./ / | 888,: . . . . . .| | \ `88b . . . . . . | | \. ,"=,888._...........| | .="""88b' ..,q88: . . . . :". `. __...-.-.-.-:Y88,/=="";L . . . . . . :. \ ,-.": . ._,..-----d88.."' ; . . . . . . . | | ( ( . .-': . . . .:q88=.` ' ;. . . . . . . .| | \_;-'. . . . ..'. .88J ` .; \. . . . . . ./ / ,: . . . . ..'. . . | ; , ; \ . . . ._.'.' .:. . . . . .: . . . .| ; . ; \`------'_.' /:. . . . . /. . . . . |; ' ; `------' \ `._,-. . /: . . . . .|; . ; `-._,-.`-/: . . . . ._J; ' ; `-\ `-.__..--'_|; ' ; `--.__..--' ;l42 ; There comes a point in your life when you realize: Who matters, Who never did, Who won't anymore... And who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. Give this to everyone you don't want to lose in 2009 including me, if that's what is in your heart. Try to collect 5 ; it's not easy! --- ...More of that sweet 'keepers' thingy - Thanks Maxy's Pal! -<>- .-. | | |=| |=| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |=| jgs |=| |_| .=/I\=. ////V\\\\ |#######| ||||||||| ||||||||| ||||||||| ||||||||| ||||||||| >Hey LADIES!!! Remember....a layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it. 'A house becomes a home when you can write 'I love you' on the furniture.' I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just perfect - 'in case someone came over' Finally I realized one day that no-one came over; they were all out living life and having fun! NOW, when people visit, I don't have to explain the 'condition' of my home. They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away living life and having fun. If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice. Life is short. Enjoy it! Dust if you must ....... but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter, bake cookies or a cake and lick the spoon or plant a seed, ponder the difference between want and need? Dust if you must, but there's not much time . . . . with beer to drink, rivers to swim and mountains to climb, music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead. Dust if you must, but the world's out there with the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come around, again. Dust if you must, but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind. . . And when you go - and go you must - you, yourself will make more dust! Share this with all the wonderful women in your life. I JUST DID. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Maxy's Pal! -<>- >2012? .-. .---. | | .' / *PODA-PLOP-PLOP-PLOP-PLOP-PLOP-PLOP-PLOP* _.-' `""-._/ .'_._ _ .' .-'.' > ( \/ (%) @ \.' .' \ 4 @ _.-' _ _ _ - _ - / - J (%) L /\ _ - \ _ ( _ | | (:4-|-.// _(:4-|-.// \_(:4-|-.//J F /_"`.__.o _ / "`.__.o - "`.__.o L J (\ \ "> .'\_) VK (_/`-..___..-' I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012.. HERE IS MY PLATFORM: (1). Any use of the phrase: 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can. (2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here! (3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here. (4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. (5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it. (6). Welfare. -- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades. (7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports ... for life. (8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc. (9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. (10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it's a worthy cause. (11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. (12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes .... nevertheless.... GOD BLESS AMERICA ! Sincerely, Bill Cosby --- ...Or who ever this might be - "giggles" Thanks Maxy's pal! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From our Friend Viv: This should be read and understood by all Americans Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!! To President Obama and all 535 voting members of the Legislature, It is now official you are ALL corrupt morons: The U.S. Post Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right and it is broke. Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get it right and it is broke. Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it right and it is broke. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" and they only want more. Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 44 years to get it right and they are broke. Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to get it right and it is broke. The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 32 years to get it right and it is an abysmal failure. You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down our throats while overspending our tax dollars AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM?? Folks, keep this circulating. It is very well stated. Maybe it will end up in the e-mails of some of our "duly elected officials" in Washington !! --- ...Thank You Viv! I see I am not the only one irritated by our House Dems! -<>- >ObamaCare Vote Deepens Discord: From Mathew Staver, Founder and Chairman Liberty Counsel The razor-thin margin on the House's ObamaCare vote speaks volumes about the deepening rift between the American people and our Congress. Today I want to THANK YOU for standing with me against this outrageous government power grab! - Mat By ramming their 2,000-page bureaucratic monstrosity of a healthcare bill down the throats of the American people, the Obama/Pelosi/Reid power axis may have made their worst political mistake so far. Their arrogant disregard of the will of the people was clearly evident as shocked Americans woke up to the bad news on Sunday morning. It is as though all of the demonstrations, Town Hall meetings and millions of personal contacts meant nothing at all to these demagogues! + + This travesty is no victory for Pelosi or President Obama! Given the huge Democrat majority in the House, getting a 220-215 margin can hardly be called a mandate for ObamaCare. + + Be assured, we have made a huge difference in this struggle! Folks, this battle is far from over, but you can be VERY proud of what we have accomplished together! I have recorded a special message to better express my gratitude for your partnership in this great struggle for the soul of our Nation. You can hear it by going here: http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=22851&CID=297&RID=22279143 So please remain steadfast in your commitment to resisting ObamaCare as it moves into the Senate, and never, never grow weary of doing what is right! Thank you and God bless you! Mathew Staver, Founder and Chairman Liberty Counsel P.S. On a recent tour of our Capitol Building in Washington, DC, Christian historian David Barton pointed out the very spot upon which President John Quincy Adams' desk sat when he served in Congress after leaving the presidency. As you may know, Adams chose to run for Congress as an older man because of his life-long commitment to end slavery in our Nation. After many years of apparently unsuccessful resistance to the greatest evil of his day, this became Adams' motto, "Duty is ours, results are the Lord's." By the way, his political disciples in Congress had the honor of voting slavery down in Lincoln's day. Again, THANK YOU for your perseverance in standing with me against the anti-faith, anti-life ObamaCare healthcare bill! -<>- >From Grassfire: Obama calls us, "Tea-bag, Anti-government people" Late Saturday night, Democrats narrowly passed what Rush Limbaugh has dubbed "The Saturday Night Massacre," legislation that would cost the American public $3 trillion over the next decade; and would see 90 million Americans lose their private insurance... and that's just for starters... I've just recorded a very special audio update with Ron De Jong, Grassfire's Director of Communications that focuses on the impact this legislation could have on you and your family. Click here to listen to our exclusive audio report: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=22855&CID=122&RID=21663999 After listening to our short audio update, forward it to 25-30 friends and family members encouraging them to listen and then sign our petition opposing ObamaCare, and everything that it represents by clicking here: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=22858&PID=21663999 I am encouraged by what took place on Saturday, and I'm actually excited for the future of our nation. With your help in the days and weeks ahead, we most certainly will win this battle. Steve Elliott, President Grassfire.org -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- 24 wrestle in gravy for charity ------------ STACKSTEADS, England - Organizers of the World Gravy Wrestling Championships in Britain said 24 people climbed into the messy ring to raise money for charity. Carol Lowe, 37, landlady of The Rose 'n' Bowl pub in Stacksteads, England, said manufacturer Bisto donated 440 gallons of gravy past its "best before" date for the wrestlers to roll around in Monday and local fire crews donated their time to hose down the participants after they exited the ring, the BBC reported Tuesday. The men's competition was won by Joel Hicks, 30, who wrestled under the name Stone Cold Bisto, while Emma Slater, 23, who dressed as Mrs. Claus for the event, won the women's event. "All the proceeds are going to East Lancashire Hospice, so it is just a nice day for everyone involved," Lowe said. -- 1,000 magnets removed from inside dog ---------- MICKLEHAM, Australia - An Australian woman said her dog is recovering from emergency surgery to remove 1,000 magnets from its stomach. Cathy James of Mickleham said her 11-year-old Australian cattle dog, Polly, swallowed the magnets from her office Aug. 11 and underwent emergency surgery the next day when the sharp items made the animal ill, the Melbourne Herald Sun reported Monday. "The vet said it wouldn't be that many, but when they operated there was half a gravel track in there as well," she said. James said Polly, who is recovering from her surgery, has always been a curious eater, with previous items swallowed by the dog including a computer mouse, gardening gloves, a large rubber band and several rolls of fax paper. -- Man arrested with duffel full of undies ---------- ORLANDO, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a man with a duffel bag full of new Victoria's Secret underwear was arrested for violating probation warrants. The Orange County Sheriff's Office said Khasim Charles Stephenson, 35, was accused of violating probation for fleeing a law enforcement officer, grand theft and other counts, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported Monday. Deputies said Stephenson was tracked to the Fairfield Inn in Orlando and arrested as he was approached a vehicle. He was carrying a duffel bag that was found to be full of new underwear, most still bearing price tags, from Victoria's Secret. Authorities said the underwear is believed to be stolen, but no charges have yet been filed in relation to the items. Stephenson has several prior convictions for grand theft and arrests for violent felony charges including homicide, aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer with a deadly weapon and aggravated fleeing and eluding. ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) :\ ;\\ ; ;; __ :/ :-",dP _.ggp. : (*).-"" :$$$$; ; T$$$; : _,- `TP ; `. _ ; ; "" \ / ; `-+' : .-' ; \; ; : `--+'-. .---. ; ;` :_ `. : ; "-, ; / "-. : ; : .p""-. ""--..: ; : .-T$$P ""--..___l-, ; : .-" "" :\()l ; ; _________.-" $$ ;`-' ; ; bug .--""$$$$$$$P : ; '._____.-"_. 'T$$P^' : : .-" \ : '.___...-" ; : / ; ; : . / / / ; .J__ : / .' ; .; "-. ; j.-" : .'/ "-. ; : : ; .' / "---: ; ; : .-" / : : : ; .-" .-" ; ; ; / .' .-" : : : / .' .' : | ; : /\ : : ;: ; : ; ; : : ; : ; : :__ ; | : ; _L__J -`, : : '--. : l l l____l \ _`-,-: ( l ;_:-' / l |`; """ :_l :_;_l " Dog Logic http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doglogic.html --- ...Thanks For The Sweet Reminder! -<>- _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon -------------------- >Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70! 01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 03. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you? 05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 07. Things you buy now won't wear out. 08. You can eat supper at 4 pm. 09. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 19. You can't remember who sent you this list. Forward this to everyone you can remember right now! -<>- __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| >Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day. I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says No crap, really? Ya think? ---------------------------------------------------------- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! ---------------------------------------------------------- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! ---------------------------------------------------------- Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! ---------------------------------------------------------- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial! ---------------------------------------------------------- War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! ---------------------------------------------------------- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?! ---------------------------------------------------------- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! ---------------------------------------------------------- Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! ---------------------------------------------------------- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? ---------------------------------------------------------- Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! ---------------------------------------------- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Weren't they fat enough?! ----------------------------------------------- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! ------------------------------------------------- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? **************************************** Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! *************************************************** Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! ******************************************* And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right? *************************************************** Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day! --- ...Good Ones! Thanks Sandi! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Old Geezer - Qualifying Exam 1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located? a. On the floor shift knob b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch c. Next to the horn 2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used? a. Capture lightning bugs b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing c. Large salt shaker 3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters? a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top. 4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance? a. Blackjack b. Gin c. Craps! 5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II? a. Suntan b. Leg painting c. Wearing slacks 6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going? a. Studebaker b. Nash Metro c. Tucker 7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid? a. Strips of dried peanut butter b. Chocolate licorice bars c. Wax coke shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside 8. How was Butch Wax used? a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust 9. Before in-line skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes? a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key b. Woven straps that crossed the foot c. Long pieces of twine 10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision? a. Consider all the facts b. Ask Mom c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo 11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's? a. Smallpox b. AIDS c. Polio 12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey" a. SUV b. Taxi c. Streetcar 13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony? a. Old Blue b. Paint c. Macaroni 14. What was Duck-and-Cover? a. Part of the game of hide and seek b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill 15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show? a. Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring b. Princess Sacajewea c. Princess Moonshadow 16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school? a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure 17. Why did your mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases? a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs,which tasted like bubble gum b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos 18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________? a. Meatballs b. Dames c. Ammunition 19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit? a. The Mills Brothers b. The Supremes c. The Esquires 20. Who left his heart in San Francisco? a. Tony Bennett b. Xavier Cugat c. George Gershwin ANSWERS: 1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on. 2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron? 3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top. 4. a) Blackjack Gum. 5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil. 6. a) 1946 Studebaker. 7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water. 8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut. 9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck. 10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo. 11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease. 12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half past eight! 13. c) Macaroni. 14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill. 15. a) Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring. She was another puppet. 16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high. 17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store. 18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free. 19. a) The Mills Brothers. The Ink Spots also recorded the song but the Mills Brothers recorded it first. 20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today. SCORING: 17-20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses. 12-16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy. 0-11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a old geezer or you are younger than springtime! --- ...Wow! Tough Ones! I'm a little muddy - with 13 correct. Thanks Wesley! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) Copyright 2003 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright from this essay ____...---...___ ___.....---""" . ""--..____ . . . . _.--._ /| . .'()..()`. / / ( `-.__.-' ) ( ( . . \ / \ \ . \ / ) ) . .' -.__.- `.-.-'_.' . .' /-____-\ `.-' . \ /-.____.-\ /-. \ \`-.__.-'/ /\|\| . .' `. .' `. |/\/\| |/\/\| jro >Lizard Story... If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened... Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!" "Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically! ). "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!). By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "Oh, gross!" they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for Gosh sake.) The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting, " he murmured "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that just isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um, Um M - you know? Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie's just, Just... Excited," my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. "It's just . . . that . I'm picturing you pulling on its . its . teeny little ." She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. Two lizards: $140. One cage: $50. Trip to the vet: $30. Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs Write to Bruce: http://www.brucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm --- ...TeeHee! Great! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bath- room, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the ther stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.' And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?' What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.' At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?' Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them 'No..I'm a little busy right now!' Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions. -<>- My wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and poured out all of my beer! -<>- _ ( ) ,,,,, \\ . . , \\ | - D (._) \__- | | | \\|_ , ,---- _ |----. \__ ( ( / ) _ | \/ \. ' _.| \ ( ) | \ /( / /\_ \ // \ / ( / / ) // ( , / / , (_.) |......\ | \, / / ) \--- b'ger /___/___^// New Year's Resolutions -- Over Time 2004: I will get my weight down below 170. 2005: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 200. 2006: I will follow my new diet until I get below 220. 2007: I will work out once a week. 2008: I will drive past a gym at least once a week. 2009: I will think about doing situps once a day. -<>- A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'" ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Humorous Ads http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html Top Reasons To Smile http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html Mexican lion http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lion.html Just Thinking http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thinking.html Freaky Art Vans http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html Amazing Dog Houses http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses.html -<>- >From Our Friend Isaac :) Good resource... Criminal Justice Profiles: http://www.criminaljusticeprofiles.org --- ...Thanks Isaac! Good site! -<>- Balloon Eater http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=38556&s=n Top 4 Funniest Animal Pranks http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40849&s=n Voted The Top 10 Funny Posters http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40656&s=n Green Terror Game http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39667&s=n Top 5 Dangerous Sports Pics http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40836&s=n -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) PICTURES: "Extraordinary" Ancient Skeletons Found http://tinyurl.com/ye8dm8z OpenOfficeMouse: 18 buttons and an analog joystick ? http://tinyurl.com/yl4sjbx SoundBible.com | Free Sound Effects http://soundbible.com/ Chris.com - ASCII Art Collection http://www.chris.com/ascii/ --- ...I'll be checking that out for sure! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: An Intellectual Blonde http://www.buffaloschips.com/klalka.htm Asking For Directions http://www.buffaloschips.com/qiwiopq.htm Baby & Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/sshssm.htm Baxter Black So Lucky To Be An American http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksksks.htm Beer Pong http://www.buffaloschips.com/jaskal.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I think vests are all about protection. The life vest pro- tects you from drowning, and the bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot and the sweater vest protects you from pretty girls." -Demetri Martin "Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, un- married with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison." -Tim Allen "Mayor Bloomberger is planting 1 million trees in New York City. Well, we need more trees, because currently, squirrels have to wait until another squirrel dies before they can move into a tree." -David Letterman "A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other." --Unknown ---AND Just One Year Ago---In The Not-so-diistant Past--- "Unemployment has hit 5.5 percent, the biggest increase since 1986... 49,000 people were laid-off — and those were Hillary Clinton campaign workers." - Jay Leno "Yesterday, Barack Obama took a break from the campaign and took his family on a bike ride. Meanwhile, John McCain took his family on a ride on his Rascal Scooter." - Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************