A MRE Dinner Date... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) We've got two super hotties today! This first one is from our friends Linda and Carl. So beautiful I just had to do it up right away. I'm a sucker for trees. Check this one out here... .. ........... ............. ........... . ..... ........ ....... ...... ....................%.... .... ..... .........%............ .@@@ ........ @@.... @@@@ . ............................ * ..... ....@@ ..... @ .... @ ............. ....... .....; .... *** ..... .....\@\....@ .... @ ............................. # .. ***** ... @@@.. @@@@@ @@@@@@___.. ....... ...%..... ... {###} ******* ....@-@..@ ..@......@@@\...... %...... ....... <## ####>******** @@@@\...@ @ ........\@@@@ ..... ...... ....... {###}*********** ....%..@ @@ /@@@@@ . ....... ...............<###########> ******* ...... .@-@@@@ ...V...... .... %.......... {#######}******* *** ...... . @@ .. ..v.. .. . { } ............<###############>******* ......... @@ .... ........ {^^, ....... {## ######}***** **** ..%..... @@ .. .%.... . .. ( `-; ... <###################> **** . .... . @@ . .... .. _ .. `;;~~ ......... {#############}******** .... ... @@ ... .. /(______); .. ....<################ #####>*** . .... ..@@@ ...... ( ( .........{##################}***** ......... @@@ .... |:------( ) .. <##########################>** @@@@ ....@@@ ... _// ...... \\ ...... {### ##############}***** @@@@@@@ @@@@@ .. / /@@@@@@@@@ vv <##############################> @@@@@@@ @@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ ..... @@@@@@ @@@@@@@ @@@@ @@@@@@###@@@@@### @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@###@##@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@### @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ -@@@@@@@@@#####@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Targon A Walk In The Woods! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woods.html --- ...Awww, so very peaceful! Thank you Linda And Carl! This next one is a surprising one from our friend Karen. It was an amazing minus 12 at 11:00am, Ohio time last week! I don't remember it ever being so cold. This mother took advantage of the cold. Check out her awesome discovery here... ) ( ( ( .. .. .). . . . . . . . . . .,- - _ - , _ . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . ( ( ' `-'`-'`-'`-'`-'`--'`'`'`--'` ; ) ,'-`-'`-'`--'`---'`-'`'`--' ; ;; /\/ | | | ;`, , ` | | [===================] ; | | | | | == I : ; | : :I ; ; `,' === I---------=---------I |; | | | I,' |(><) (><)I || | | == I ,`, | ,`---', I ` == | | I `o,o' | /`0,0'; I | | I ,`-'. | ))`-'(( I = === I/, ^ ,\ |/ `=' \I | | == [=======================] | | == | | = == = | | == == |_| == == == ( __) == = == \ \ --.--.--.-..-.--------...-...-..---..-.-..-...----..-`-'.--..-.-...-. Ice Bubbles! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bubbles.html --- ...Stunningly beautiful! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Owls - A True Story Each evening bird lover Tom Rowe stood in his __ __ backyard in Devon, England, hooting like an \ `-'"'-` / owl -- and one night, an owl called back to him. / \_ _/ \ For a year, the man and his feathered friend | d\_/b | hooted back and forth. Rowe even kept a log .'\ V /'. of the "conversation." Just as Rowe thought / '-...-' \ he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter- | / \ | species communication, his wife had a chat with \/\ /\/ next door neighbour, Nancy Hollis. jgs==(||)---(||)== "My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," said Mrs. Rowe. "That's odd," Mrs. Hollis replied. "So does my John." Then it dawned on them. _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) >They Want A Baby A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving. .'. The woman decided to go to the / '. __ gynecologist and see if the problem | '. / was with her. She had been hard of _|________'.______/ hearing since she was a small child. | | The doctor examined her and came in \ / to give her his opinions. '.--. .--.' / \__/ \ He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem jgs \ / \ / is with you. You have insufficient '--' '--' passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle." The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish in my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel." ========================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 13 is Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame Someone Else Day January 14 is National Dress Up Your Pet Day January 15 is Hat Day January 16 is Hot and Spicy Food International Day and National Nothing Day January 17 is Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day January 18 is Winnie the Pooh Day January 19 is National Popcorn Day ========================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,....__ | '-. `.___... | //\| |_ __\\|| |)) /,'..`,\ \o=. \\.\ \`\`."":"=====.. ,----._`|`. | ``=\\____ )) | `' | .:::""""`==' \ ` .,. :::' `._____,-' `.' / .,.,.___`.____,' (`-')),...____)\ \=='/-----|=||=\ ,`"': \=\\==\ | | \=\\==\. . | | :==O===:::' |/,\| \_ \::' ||(|| // | |\^/| // | | | ,--..=/=...__/ | |/____.'==-..__/ | |----/..._____| l42 `-.| """""====" >Before the Judge In Fort Worth, Texas, I had to appear before a judge for driving with expired license plates. The judge listened attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation. Then he said with great courtesy, "My dear sir, we are not blaming you ... we're just fining you." -<>- >Colorful Meal Over dinner, the mom explained the health benefits of a colorful meal to her family. "The more colors, the more variety of nutrients," she told them. Pointing to the food, she asked, "How many different colors do you see?" "Six," volunteered the son. "Seven if you count the burned parts." -<>- >Doctor Note An eight-month pregnant woman, planning a trip overseas, was asked to obtain a letter of fitness from her family physician. She arranged to pick it up at the doctor's office the next day. She and her husband were both amused when they read, "This lady is pregnant and can fly!" -<>- >The Fishin' Hole My son had just turned eight and was old enough to go fishing at the local fishing hole on his own. While he loved fishing, he knew little about how the fish got from the pole to the table. One day I arrived home to find a note he'd left on the counter: "I caught three fish. Can you peel them for me?" -<>- >That Look One boy in a fourth grade class said something inappropriate, and the teacher glanced at him. Seeing her look he muttered, "Oh, sorry," and went back to his task. A moment later she felt a tug on her sleeve. A girl who had noticed the interaction looked puzzled and asked, "How do moms and teachers do that look?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Looking Up What are you looking at today? Are there challenges in your life to overcome? Don’t just look at your problems day in and day out; lift up your eyes and look toward heaven. You will naturally move in the direction that your eyes are looking. If you are always looking at your problems — meditating on them, feeling sorry for yourself, telling everybody about them — you will become consumed by them. But when you look up, your life will start to move up. When you keep your eyes on God, it is also a sign of your faith and expectancy. The Bible tells us that faith is what moves the hand of God. When you have an attitude of faith and expectancy, you open the door for His power in your life. Decide today to focus on the goodness of your God. Lift your eyes and heart to Him and begin to praise Him with your words. As you lift your eyes, your help will come, and you will live the victorious life He has in store for you! --- ...Aww, an awesome reminder for our day to day life! Thanks LouiseA -<>- - __ - - @%o. _ - - _ _ %%`.'& __ _// %b ~ %' ""--" ,' =#=,-%%%" _ _-` _, .' \ "-" (_|"-.' .'\ `. \ \__.' \ \ _ _ - -..__ \ `. _\__--""" "-,_ "--.._ \,--,-" | --""--.._ " ,'"`_(.--"" / / | __ ""::--"" ( ( ) ( ( \ ""- . __..--"" .-' \ \ ( .. ) \ \ /\________ \,' ." - ( _ ) __,,--\ \_/|/ __ __ ""-, ; ,' - -. ,'_ _ _ \_/ (_/ /_/ / _ .-': ,' ,' ; ` ` ,' (_/ / |__/ _,' ,' PGMG `"""""----____________..--"" _ _ _ __ >SMILES Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch, the junior partner slaps his forehead. "Oh No!" he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left." His partner replies, "What are you worried about? We're both here." -------- A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and said, "I can only grant three wishes, so you each get one." The redhead said, "I wish to be back home." Poof! She was back home. The brunette said, "I want to be at a tropical resort with a drink that has an umbrella in it." Poof! She was in Cancun with a pina colada in her hand. The blonde said, "Awwww, I'm all alone now. I wish my friends were here." -------- A young farmhand is driving around the farm and making repairs to the fences. After a few minutes, he makes a call to his boss on the two-way radio and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road, and he's stuck in the bull-bars of the truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and, when he stops wriggling, you'll be able to pull it out and throw it in a bush off the side of the road." The farm worker says 'okay,' and signs off. About ten minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said. I shot the pig and dragged it out, and threw it in a bush." "So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "Well, the blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!" -------- A man goes to see the rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it. "The rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me." The rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me. What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, and I'll see what I can find out and let you know." About a week later the rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said, "Yes." The rabbi replied, "Take the poison." -------- A deacon is in the hospital and his good friend, a preacher, goes to visit him. The preacher notices all the medical equipment attached to the deacon. He kneels by the bed. The deacon motions to a pad and pen on the nightstand. The preacher hands his friend the pad and pen, and the deacon begins to write. Suddenly, the deacon dies. At his funeral, the preacher delivers the service. He says, "I was with him when he died, and as a matter of fact, I have his last thought in my coat pocket here." The preacher pulls out the paper and reads, "Please, get up. You're kneeling on my oxygen hose." -------- Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. The only way to move things was by carrying or dragging. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food preparation area. It was exhausting work. The guys were getting tired just WATCHING. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had an idea. They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television. -------- A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him. "Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?" the officer demanded. "No, sir, but we don't land airplanes on the roof either! -<>- >The Top Reasons for Joining the Church Choir... 1. You're running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry. 2.. The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat. 3. You've just received notice you have jury duty and you want to get used to sitting with a large group of people. 4. The collection plate is never passed to the choir. 5. There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to now when an hour has passed. 6. For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn around and look. -------- My friend, Monica, is an accomplished harpist, who frequently plays for weddings, receptions, parties, and other such events. She is also blonde and has an appropriately-cherubic face. She was on her way to an engagement at a hotel, and stepped into an elevator with her large golden harp. Just before the doors closed, a distinguished grey-haired man stepped on. As the elevator rose, he looked thoughtfully first at her, and then her harp, and asked, "And just how far up are you going?" -------- My sister went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they registered for Wii games." -<>- >T-Shirt Slogans A Washington Post columnist runs a column each summer listing interesting t-shirts observed at the Ocean City, Maryland beach: "I childproofed my house, but they still get in." "On the front - 60 is not old. On the back - If you're a tree." "My reality check just bounced." "I'm not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax." "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car." "I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are." "It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans." "Keep staring....I may do a trick." "We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic." "My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it's gone." "Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate." "Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture." "Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral." "In God we trust. All others we polygraph." --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: I admit it, frequently I will "bizarre up" stories with my own personal style, but sometimes, on rare occasion, a story will come along so perfectly bizarre that it doesn't need much revision. The subject line in today's issue, for example, is the very headline from a story I found on nbcnews.com. An Oklahoma man is being held on suspicion of murdering his stepfather by giving him an "atomic wedgie," officials said. So apparently, the legends you heard in sixth grade are true. Police said Brad Lee Davis got into a drunken family fight with his stepfather in which he grabbed the man's underwear, pulled it over his head, and suffocated him with the waistband. Police allege that the men got into a fight while drinking together when the victim made offensive remarks about his wife, who is Davis' mother. There is no mention of whether a swirly was administered before- hand. -<>- I saw a story similar to this one a few days ago about a little girl who got stuck in a washing machine while playing a game of hide and seek (I'm assuming she lost) and had to have to machine cut apart around her. I decided to go with another story, but here bizarre fate has thrown me this little gem. A naked Australian man who became stuck in a washing machine as part of an ill-planned practical joke was freed from the appliance with the help of some olive oil. The 20-year-old man, identified only as "Laurence," said he was on his way to take a shower when he decided to climb into the top-loader to have a bit of fun. The fun quickly evaporated, however, when he realized he couldn't budge. He called out to his friend for help, who rang the police. They responded to the scene, along with firefighters, paramedics and a search and rescue squad. "He was very well wedged in there and we were concerned for his health and well-being," police Sgt. Michelle De Araugo said. "It was just a game gone wrong. It would be fair to say the gentleman was very embarrassed." Rescuers tried in vain to pull Laurence from the machine. But when it became clear he was seriously stuck, they grabbed a bottle of his favorite olive oil to help lubricate his escape. "I was quite disappointed they used my good olive oil," Laurence said. "As soon as the washing machine went on its side, it was a bit like a birthing." *-- Michigan barber to attempt 40 haircuts in an hour --* DETROIT - A Michigan barber said he is aiming to break a world record by performing at least 35 haircuts in an hour. Bryan "B-Dogg" Price, 46, of Oak Park said he is practicing to attempt the goal April 6 at the Michigan Barber School in Detroit, where he obtained his license in 1988, the Detroit Free Press reported Monday. "I feel at home right here," Price said of the school. He said he needs to finish at least 35 haircuts to break the world record, but his goal is to reach 40. "The patron has to have a full head of hair where you're able to line it all around," he said of the rules for breaking the record. Price said he is planning to use two sets of clippers, one in each hand, and quickly move back and forth between two chairs while customers quickly change places in the seats. He said he will clip and line each cut, even over the ears. "These cuts are free, and two more are free after," Price said. "That first cut -- that's the way I want to do it. They're going by my rules, so, you know, I have to go ahead and hook them up, give them something for doing it for me, show them I appreciate it." Ivan Zoot, who set the record in 2008 by giving 34 haircuts in an hour in Texas, said he applauds Price's ambition. "My words of advice would be, first of all, good luck," Zoot said. "Second of all, follow the rules very, very carefully." *-- Name of Fu King Smoke Shop irks New Jersey parents --* HACKENSACK, N.J. - A New Jersey smoke shop is angering some locals who say it's name, the Fu King Smoke Shop, contains a thinly veiled profanity. Michelle Tavares, president of the Parent Teacher Association at the Fairmount School a block from the Hackensack store, said the name is inappropriate for children, the Record of Hackensack reported Monday. "It's almost like it's an insult to the intelligence of our community. Do you really think we don't know what that is supposed to mean? That our children don't know what that means?" Tavares said. Other parents and residents have said they want city officials to force store owner Robert Reichert to remove the Fu King sign from outside of the store, which has yet to officially open. Reichert said the sign is not meant to be profane. He said Fu is a Chinese word meaning wealth or luck. "There is a meaning behind it," Reichert said. "It's not just words thrown up on the canvas. If they're offended by reading it, then it's the way their mind is looking at it." Reichert said the city gave him permission to put up the sign, but a city zoning official disputed his claim and has issued him a summons. The store owner said he will fight the summons in court. *-- Prison inmate seeks to boot Chargers from playoffs --* PITTSBURGH - A Pennsylvania prison inmate filed a motion against the NFL challenging the San Diego Chargers' eligibility for the playoffs. Daniel Spuck of Mercer, whose motion was filed via inmate mail from the Pennsylvania department of corrections, alleged in his U.S. District Court filing the Chargers should not have made it to the postseason due to a missed call in a game against the Kansas City Chiefs and he is seeking "a temporary emergency injunction" to stop the team from playing, the Baltimore Sun reported Thursday. The motion alleges officials failed to call an illegal alignment formation against the Chargers, which would have allowed Kansas City kicker Ryan Succop to re-kick his missed 41-yard field goal attempt. A Chargers loss would have sent the Pittsburgh Steelers to the postseason as the wildcard team. Spuck's motion suggests the court order the NFL to delay the playoffs to allow Succop to re-kick the field goal attempt or allow the Steelers to play the Chargers in a final game to determine who goes to the playoffs. *-- Bank robbery fails due to suspect's poor penmanship --* ANTIOCH, Calif. - Police in California said an alleged would-be bank robber fled empty handed when a teller was unable to read the handwriting on his robbery note. Investigators said Jamal Garrett, 29, handed a note demanding cash to a teller at the Wells Fargo Bank in Antioch around 9:45 a.m. Monday, but the teller had difficulty reading his handwriting, the San Ramos Express, Pleasanton, Calif., reported Thursday. Police said the teller called a manager to help her discern the contents of the note and the suspect left through the back door of the bank while the teller and manager were attempting to interpret his handwriting. The bank workers eventually determined the note was a robbery note and contacted police. Police said they later received a report of a suspicious man at Somersville Towne Center and officers determined the man matched the description of the suspect from the bank. Witnesses identified him as the same man from the Wells Fargo incident. Garrett was arrested on a charge of attempted bank robbery and an outstanding warrant for parole violations. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) __ __ __ |==| |==| |==| __|__|__|__|__|__|_ __|___________________|___ __|__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__|___ |............................o.../ \.............................../ hjw_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')/,~')_ >The sacrifices this poor lady had to endure. HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip. DEAR DIARY - DAY 2 Entire day at sea, beautiful.. Saw whales and dolphins.Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man. DEAR DIARY - DAY 3 At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard,hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive. DEAR DIARY - DAY 4 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. DEAR DIARY - DAY 5 Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of the day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship.. I was shocked.. DEAR DIARY - DAY 6 Today I saved 1600 lives. Twice --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks Karen! ============================================================ >-->From our Friend PatDeE :) >Math Trick 1+1=2 /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs I love math tricks and this one really works and will only take you about ten seconds!!! Amazing it really works this is my all-time favorite movie. I'm pretty good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities. Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER! DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is 1. Pick a number from 1-9. 2. Multiply that number by 3. 3. Add 3. 4. Multiply by 3 again. 5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below: Movie List: 1. Gone With the Wind 2. E.T. 3. Blazing Saddles 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Obama Farewell Speech 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders of the Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubtfire Amazing, isn't it!! --- ...LOL! I do SO love this trick! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ___________ @ @ / (@\ @ \___________/ _@ @ _/@ \_____ @/ \__/-="="` \_ / <| <| jgs <| One afternoon I rushed out of the house, forgetting my keys, and found myself locked out. There was nothing I could do but wait for my husband to come home. I went over to a neighbor who was outside raking leaves. "You locked yourself out?" he asked. "Yeah, this is the second time since we moved in. After the first time we took an extra key and put it in a jar, then stuck it in a potted plant on the deck. "So what's the problem?" "I took the plants in for the winter." -<>- The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch." -<>- Doug had always been teased by his friends that his wife was more successful than he was. Some even went so far as to insinuate that he was henpecked. Doug had a sense of humor and always laughed it off. One day, one of his fiends asked the tiresome question again, "Who wears the pants in your family?" "I do," Doug answered. Then, after a pause, he added, "I also wash and iron them." -<>- _.---. |\---/| / ) ca| ------------; |-/ /|foo|--- ) (' / `---' ===========( ,'========== || _ | | || o/ ) | | o || ( ( / ; || \ `._/ / || `._ /| || |\ _/|| __||_____.' ) |__||____________ ________\ | |_________________ \ \ `-. `-`---' hjw >The Diary of a Cat DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed. DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the head- less body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ...... DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only conso- lation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accom- plices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. How- ever, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. -<>- After an hour of "Just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint- store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on. "Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked. "Don't come back here," he begged. -<>- Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck be- tween floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised. It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his efficient secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours." [Contributed to Reader's Digest.] -<>- Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?" "I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough." -<>- Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," one friend says. "How so?" his friend asks. "Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me." "Was that not love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me." "Was that love?" "No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach." "Was that love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was seasickness." ========================================================= >-->Story Time From Our Friend Geniann :) __ @@;, ( ; ? : ); _| |_ | | || | | _| |_ | \ \ \/ || \/ ___ / / | __| |\ __||____||___||______/| | ||| | |_______ _________| | ||| ||| |____ | | ____| ||| Design by \ \______ ) | | / ______/ / || | | | | | /___| || Samule J. Neptune || | | |_ /| | |\ _| || || || | \__, / | | | \<__/ | || >A MRE dinner Date this is too funny and true not to read. MRE dinner date, the following is a true story... Told from the point of view of a young Marine. I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY, definitely had never eaten before. I got out my trusty case of MRE's. (Meal, Ready-to-Eat) Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories in each meal. Here's what I made: I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-a-la-king and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautd in shaved garlic and olive oil. In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees. When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkle things from one of my spice cans (hey, if it has green sprinkle things on it, it looks fancy right? For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous xxxxxxx, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it. Voilaanger Pudding. For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named "Military Special"...it sells for $4.35 per fifth at the Class Six) and mixed in four packets of "Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored" (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie Kool-Aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess... Could've been leftover sand from Egypt ). I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy -series China (that stuff is EXPENSIVE... My set of 8 place settings cost me over $600 on sale at the Lejeune PX), and put the alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter. She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups. She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said "This looks INCREDIBLE!!!" We dug in, and she loved the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of balked at the make-shift "wine" I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner. At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the "Chocolate mousse" I had made. Huh? Chocolate what? Okay... Yeah... Its Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make... Yup! Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my rest room. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself "uh oh" and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay. Let the games begin. She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The military even makes smell-good) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look. After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time, I could hear her say, "What the hell is WRONG with me???" as she again sent flatulent shock waves into the porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener. Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30 minutes. I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks. She came out with a slightly gray pallor to her face, and said "I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed; I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!" I gave her an Imodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed. Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can. After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of "Marine Corps Field Rations" she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said "I ate 9,000 calories of dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?" After I admitted it, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word. She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't go number 2 for 5 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY present and supervising. It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually and said that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch. I know... I'm an A, but it was still a funny night. --- ...Oh My! - only a soldier could pull this off! LOL! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Paper Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paperart.html Playing With Food 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Disney Tree Of Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneybush.html Thank You Lord! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html Rolling Memorial http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/trucking.html Three Old Men http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldmen.html Maria The Goose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Life's Little Oops 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops5.html Identity Theft 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Humor With The Troops 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humor3.html Celebrities: The Long And Short Of It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities2.html Renew our mind to the Word Of God... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/christianity.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html --- ...Hilarious reminder! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Self Freezing Coca-Cola (The trick that works on any soda!) Make your own slushie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T68TvdoSbI&feature=player_detailpage Chago is one of the world's most famous boxers! His trampoline video has gone viral with nearly 3 million views! How is that good news? It's simple: Watching this video will warm your heart and make you smile. Kung Fu Bear- Unedited Footage(NOT FAKE!)-ORIGINAL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ghgg_fukbvU&feature=player_detailpage --- ...LOL! Fun to watch! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) OK. Here we go again. How do they do it? http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=sKns1uatyNg&vq=medium --- ...Aww, it's magic! TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! The photographer was as cool a customer as I've ever seen. "Up Close & Personal" http://m.koreus.com/video/wapiti-vs-photographe.html --- ...Scary! Thanks PatDeE! Try to wrap your mind around this. Our planet, even our galaxy, is like a tiny speck of sand on an immense ocean beach. In 1996 astronomers pointed the Hubble Space Telescope at what appeared to be absolutely nothing and left it there for 10 days; and then, in 2004, they did it again for 11 days. This time they pointed the Hubble toward another seemingly black, empty "nothing" area. A narrator describes what Hubble revealed in those areas of nothingness. They made the images Hubble recorded into a 3-D presentation. Remember, the speed of light is 186,000 miles a second. When light travels at that speed for an entire year, that is equal to one light year. The meaning of what Hubble found is beyond comprehension. Turn your sound on. http://www.flixxy.com/hubble-ultra-deep-field-3d.htm --- ...Most awesome! Thanks PatDeE! Reminds me of this one... God's Night Lights! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night.html -<>- >From Our Friend Karen :) She sent us one we have here... Rich Vs Poor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/richvspoor.html --- ...a great reminder! Thanks Karen! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study found that babies as young as nine months can tell the difference between friends and enemies. Which raises a lot of questions, like: What kind of babies have enemies?" -Jimmy Fallon "The polar vortex that's terrorized much of the United States and Canada this week is just about gone. I'm kind of disappointed in the polar vortex. It's a pretty unsuccessful vortex if not a single person gets pulled into a different dimension." -Jimmy Kimmel "The government is accusing the makers of several weight loss products of deceiving the public. Probably the most deceptive of these companies - Cinnabon." -Conan O'Brien "I saw this water-safety manual that actually says if a shark attacks, you should poke it in the eyes! Who wrote that, the Three Stooges?" -Larry Reeb "New York City: No matter how many times I visit this great city I'm always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxi cab." -Scott Adams "I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his pre-flight announcement, 'We're going to be taking off in a few... Whoa, here we go!'" -Unknown Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. --Albert Einstein (1879-1955) "Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!" --Mark Twain "There are three faithful friends-an old wife, an old dog, and ready money." --Benjamin Franklin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************