A Man's World And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ __ ___ / / ___( (\_( ) )/ / |\___` \\_\/_/_/_\ | | ____/\_\`._._.. | ||\__/ '_\ \`_._\ \|| | | | | | | || | |^| | | | \ | | | | \|ejm__| |____| *~* TOMORROW IS Giving Tuesday - Please Consider Shangrala! The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and most needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This sizzling hot new page is from a forward from our friend Bunni. If you've been wondering what to get me for Christmas, this is my perfect 'All I want for Christmas' item! Check it out here... / '. .' \ | |`\ \ / /`| | \.--' '-' '--./ .' .-'"'"'-. '. / .-(((( ))))-. \ .' / =/_o/___\o_\= \ '. .' / .-' '-. \ '. / / / \ \ \ / | \ \ / / | \ | \ /-`.__.__.`-\ / | \ \ ` \.-./ ` / / \ '-._ , '-' , _.-' / '. /()`'-'-=-'-'`()\ .' jgs `/`\ '()()()()()() /`\` Liberty 2017 Elegant Lady RV! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv3.html --- ...Oooo, stunningly amazing! Thanks Bunni! RV's have a special place in my heart since I worked as a sales representative for them during a show my senior year and was offered a job after high school if I wanted one selling them. I got married and went to work with my husband distributing Pepsi products instead. Never lost my love and admiration for them. ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] >A Man's World You know you're in a man's ideal world when: 1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. 2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." 3. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. 4. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it. 5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the football team of your choice. 6. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone. 7. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!" 8. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. -<>- ____ \ \ _\___\_ / " _) ((\__-_\ / \\ /__| /\\ UUU / / | /,_/ |/|\ |__ /__\____\ gnv >New job interview techniques Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering. If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance. If they ask why they had to wait for two whole hours, Credit and Collections is their place. If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting. If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them. If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche. If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they’re destined for the Help Desk. If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing. If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, Public Relations would suit them well. If they are sleeping, they are Management material. If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team. If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security. If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing. -<>- "Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for pity's sake, clean up this room!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 28 is French Toast Day and Red Planet Day November 29 is Square Dance Day November 30 is Stay At Home Because You Are Well Day December 1 is Eat a Red Apple Day and World Aids Awareness Day December 2 is National Fritters Day December 3 is Advent begins and National Roof over Your Head Day December 4 is Santas' List Day and Wear Brown Shoes Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as >Who Are You? When I moved, I went to retrieve some boxes that I had sent to myself in care of the local bus depot. And that first time I walked into the bus depot, I found out what small towns were like. "Your boxes are over there," the clerk said. "How do you know who I am?" I asked. "We all know who you are," he replied. -<>- >Thanksgiving Prayer My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer. At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this: "Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food." (Most of us nearly choked just trying not to laugh!) -<>- >Fire Alarms With fire alarms blaring at my mom's apartment complex, she grabbed her favorite bathing suit and ran out. "A bathing suit?" I said later, "Of all the priceless things in that apartment, that's what you chose to save?" "Material things come and go," she said. "But a one-piece suit that doesn't make you look fat is impossible to replace." -<>- >Eclipse of the Moon Teacher: There will be an eclipse of the moon tonight. Perhaps your parents will let you stay up to watch it. Pupil: What channel is it on? ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) Count the number of F's in the following text: __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS Managed it? Scroll down only after you have counted them! . . . . . . OK? . . . . How many? Three? Wrong, there are six - no joke! Read again! FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS The reasoning is further down... The brain cannot process the word "OF". Incredible or what? Anyone who counts all six F's on the first go is a genius Three is normal. --- ...Unless you've seen this before! Teehee! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >SMILES Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not. The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note. Last Sunday the priest ended with... "Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?" I wasn't the only one who got it wrong! -------- A man wearing a dirty raincoat sidled up to a businessman on the street corner and asked, "Got any pictures of your wife naked?" "Certainly not!" huffed the businessman. The other man inquired, "Wanna buy some?" -------- At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc, sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC., for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure WHERE the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that, when you press the tie, it plays 'Jingle Bells." -------- Trying to discover how good a job my wife and I are doing at home-schooling our children, I decided to quiz my eight-year-old daughter. I first asked her, "Who is President of the United States?" "Barack Obama," she replied immediately. "O.K., good job." I answered. "Who is our Vice President?" "Joe Biden," she responded, with confidence. Proud of how smart she was, I decided to test her with a more difficult question. "Who is the Speaker of the House?" After several seconds of deep thought, she excitedly told me, "Mommy!" -------- A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub to brush off the sand. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever. "Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life. "Okay, then, I want to die after Congress balances the budget and eliminates the debt. "You are a crafty little jerk," said the genie. -------- A sign posted on the wall of an Army mess read: "Don't Waste Food -- Food will win the war." Beneath someone had written: "That's fine, but how do we get the enemy to eat it?" ------- After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back." -------- President Obama goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel,. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, "You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land, for just $100." The American diplomats go into a corner and discuss it for a few minutes. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Obama shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, "Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here. and you would spend only $100?" The American diplomats replied, "Long ago a Man died here, was buried here, and three days later, He rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk!" ------- ___ / \ _\___/_ '->---<-' ( ^ ^ ) \ # / __/'-'\__ / \/'\/ \ / _/ >o \ / > (_o_ <\ \ \_/\_/ | \__\\ \ _ \_/ / \ \_\(_ mb / \ ) \__/ a:f \ / / \\ mic > \ \ \\ __ _/ / \ __ \\ ( \\_____\_____// ) \\ \__`___( )___/__/ \7 >Funny One-Liners If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Remember, half the people you know are below average. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Latest From AFA: http://www.afa.net/ Which stores recognize Christmas in their advertising...and who's the Scrooge? http://tinyurl.com/hp76bu7 Latest From MRCtv: http://www.mrctv.org/ Latest RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com/ Latest ConservativeTribune: http://conservativetribune.com/ Latest eHeadlines: http://eheadlines.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: It's not an easy thing to run yourself over with your own vehicle, but one Florida man figured out how to do it, and not surprisingly, it involved a large amount of alcohol (alleged, but who are we kidding). The Florida Highway Patrol released surveillance footage showing William Edwards, 28, leaving the Dancer's Royale strip club in Orlando about 2:15 a.m. and getting into his Ford pickup truck. Club security said they tried to stop Edwards, a regular at the club, from driving because he had been drinking heavily. The footage shows Edwards start to drive away with the door of the pickup ajar, but he quickly falls out the door and the truck runs over his leg. The FHP said Edwards, apparently uninjured, ran away from the scene as the pickup truck rolled down the street, hit a ditch and rammed into a nearby home. Adrean Larrea said his mother was sleeping in the home when the truck crashed into her room. She suffered minor injuries but did not require medical attention. "If that ditch wasn't there, my mom would be in a funeral right now, underground," Larrea told local news. "They had to break the window to get in to turn off the car because the car was smoking." Investigators said they contacted Edwards, who left his driver's license at the club, and he turned himself in. He is facing a charge of leaving the scene of a crash. -<>- It has been two weeks since the elections and emotions are still high and mental stability dangerously low. One such unfortunate victim of the 'heated' (heh heh) political environment made an example of himself in front of an Ohio coffee shop. Firefighters and police rushed to the shop after a distraught man set himself on fire while yelling about the recent U.S. election, according to police in Ohio. The 69-year-old man, who was not identified, entered the coffee shop and began yelling about the recent U.S. election and the protest against Donald Trump. The man then went outside and doused himself with a can of gasoline. The man then set himself on fire. A person who witnessed the incident used a fire extinguisher to put out the flames. Meanwhile in Washington, D.C. police are investigating an accident that left a woman hospitalized after her wig caught fire. Officers say emergency crews found the woman on the corner of Holbrook and Neal Street suffering from burns. Authorities say the fire spread to others parts of her body causing her to sustain serious injuries. It is unclear what caused the wig to catch fire, however, police say a review of surveillance video confirmed that the incident was accidental in nature, and had nothing to do with the election, as far as we know. Is this kind of spontaneous combustion the sort of thing we can expect under a Trump administration? *-------- Deer 'Driving' ATV on Highway --------* A Michigan hunter pranked fellow highway drivers with a dead deer posed like it was drinking a beer and driving an ATV down the road. Jeremy Roomsburg posted a video showing the deer sitting in the driver's seat of an ATV loaded onto the back of a flatbed trailer being pulled by a pickup truck on a stretch of Interstate. Roomsburg, of Muskegon, said he was with his father and brother on a drive from Grand Rapids to Muskegon when she spotted the unusual sight. "We were all stunned and were like, 'did we really just see that?' We had to slow down and actually drive past the guy again to get the video." The "driving" deer turned out to have been set up by hunter Mike Huntoon, who had been returning with his friends from a hunting trip. Huntoon said the prank started as a simple lack of space for one of the five deer bagged by the group. "We thought, let's just have a little fun with it," the hunter said. "We have to get the deer home, let's see if we can create a little humor, and apparently it worked." *-- Swedish Union Opens 'Mansplaining' Hotline --* A Swedish trade union has set up a hotline for women to call and vent about "mansplaining" -- when condescending male coworkers over-explain something the woman already under- stands. The labor group Unionen said it created the hotline after hearing complaints from female members that they were constantly being patronized by men in the workplace who sometimes know less than female coworkers, but act like experts anyway. A spokeswoman for Unionen said the hotline, which will operate for a week, is intended to draw attention to workplace relationships and gender equality. The union said most women have called for advice on how to get male coworkers and bosses to respect their intellect. The group said a large number of men have also called, asking for help getting female coworkers to be more respected by the group. The term "mansplaining" came into popular use after a 2008 essay by the author Rebecca Solnit, who recounted the story of a man at a party explaining the importance of a book to her, while oblivious to the fact Solnit had actually written the book he was describing. You know? I feel like I need a hotline to call for when women complain about stupid thing. I call it 'Femplaining'. *--- Man Picked the Right Beer to Urinate On ---* A man was arrested on a charge of criminal mischief after allegedly urinating on cases of beer at a 7-Eleven convenience store, according to police in Florida. Treasure Island police said that they have arrested 46-year-old Daniel Colon, after being accused of ruining at least 6 cases of beer inside the store's cooler. According to the criminal complaint, Colon entered the 7-Eleven looking for a bathroom. Colon opened a door to the cooler after he couldn't find the toilet. He unzipped his pants and began to urinate. A store employee followed Colon into the cooler and confronted him. Colon then left the store. Colon urinated on 6 cases of Busch Light, causing $100 in damage. He was later pulled over by police for driving drunk. *------------ How's That For Luck? ------------* The AFP reports a man inherited a house in France from a deceased relative only to discover $3.7 million worth of hidden gold. "It was under the furniture, under piles of linen, in the bathroom ... everywhere," an auctioneer says. It started when the unnamed-yet-very-lucky man started moving furniture and found a box of gold coins attached to the bottom of one piece. He continued poking around and soon found an old whisky box with more gold pieces hidden inside. By the time the treasure hunt ended, he had found 5,000 gold pieces, two gold bars, and 37 gold ingots. The entire haul weighed more than 200 pounds and was reportedly bought during the 1950s and 1960s. Meanwhile I can't even win on a stupid, $2 instant lottery ticket. How's that for luck? ========================================================= >-->From our Friend PeggyT :) _..--.._ ,------------------. , ,' ,'/ ;'_\ ( Okay, wer war das? ) /( /;. /: : : : - There is an Indian legend which says when a human dies there is a Rainbow bridge they must cross to enter heaven. At the head of that bridge there awaits EVERY ANIMAL THAT HUMAN ENCOUNTERED DURING THEIR LIFETIME, The animals, based on what they know of this person, decide which humans may cross the bridge . . . and which are turned away. --- ...Wowsers! Teehee! Thanks PeggyT! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; >THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. -<>- While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, "Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?" The young mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the children, yes." -<>- When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!'" -<>- A man goes into the home improvement store and says, "I'd like to order 5,000 finishing bricks." "Certainly," says the salesman, "Are they for a garage?" "No," says the man; "They're for a Bar-B-Q." "Why do you need so many bricks for a bar-b-q?" asks the salesman. "Well," says the man, "we live in a 3rd floor flat." -<>- ,+*^^*+___+++_ ,*^^^^ ) _+* ^**+_ +^ _ _++*+_+++_, ) _+^^*+_ ( ,+*^ ^ \+_ ) { ) ( ,( ,_+--+--, ^) ^\ { (@) } f ,( ,+-^ __*_*_ ^^\_ ^\ ) {:;-/ (_+*-+^^^^^+*+*<_ _++_)_ ) ) / ( / ( ( ,___ ^*+_+* ) < < \ U _/ ) *--< ) ^\-----++__) ) ) ) ( ) _(^)^^)) ) )\^^^^^))^*+/ / / ( / (_))_^)) ) ) ))^^^^^))^^^)__/ +^^ ( ,/ (^))^)) ) ) ))^^^^^^^))^^) _) *+__+* (_))^) ) ) ))^^^^^^))^^^^^)____*^ \ \_)^)_)) ))^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^) (_ ^\__^^^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^^^^) ^\___ ^\__^^^^^^))^^^^^^^^)\\ From: ^^^^^\uuu/^^\uuu/^^^^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\ Keely 11/93 ___) >____) >___ ^\_\_\_\_\_\_\) ^^^//\\_^^//\\_^ ^(\_\_\_\) ^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^ [Supposedly a true story, but who knows?] A woman who got it into her head that a fresh turkey produced a far superior meal to a frozen one made a trek out to a turkey farm to buy a live bird. But after returning home and looking square into the eyes of the living, breathing creature she'd just purchased, she just couldn't bring herself to kill it by wringing its neck or chopping off its head. Instead, she managed to put the turkey to sleep with chloroform and then began the process of dry-plucking it. Just as she finished removing the last of the feathers, however, the bird woke up. The next-door neighbors responded to her shouts and arrived at her back door to find a woman being chased around her kitchen by an angry, naked turkey. -<>- Here's a killer turkey recipe, with a foolproof self-timer. It's impossible to mess this up. You'll get a perfectly cooked turkey every time. Preheat the oven to 325. Prepare the turkey, basting it with salt, garlic, butter, and black pepper. In a bowl, combine equal parts stuffing mix and popcorn. (Yes, popcorn.) Fill the turkey's cavity with the mixture. Lay the turkey in a greased roasting pan. Insert the turkey into the oven, with the neck pointing inward. This is very important. Do not concern yourself with roasting time. When the turkey's rear end blows the oven door open, it's done. -<>- , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. >Favorite Police Emergency Calls: Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance? Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn.... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: _____ / \ Hmmm...where did I see (____/\ ) that toilet roll? ...... |___ U?(____ _\L. | \ ___ / /"""\ /.-' | |\ | ( / _/u | \___|_)_| \| \\ / / \_(___ __) | \\ / / | | | | ) _/ / ) | | _\__/.-' /___( | | _/ __________/ \ | | // / ( ) | | ( \__|___\ \______ /__|____| \ (___\ |______)_/ \ |\ \ \ / \ | \__ ) )___/ \ \ )/ /__( ___ | /_//___| \_________ _/ ( / OUuuu \ `----'(____________) Michael Reeung ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** * "If you don't believe in cooperation, look at what happens when a car loses one of its wheels." - Unknown * You cannot sink someone else's end of the boat and still keep your own afloat." - Charles Bower * "I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something." -- Jackie Mason * "If you do what you have always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." -- Anonymous * "Learn and grow all you can; serve and befriend all you can; enrich and inspire all you can." -- Pope John Paul II * "Try not to become a success, but rather try to become a man of value." -- Albert Einstein * "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that." -- Bill Shankly * "You have the ability, right now, to exceed all your previous levels of accomplishment." -- Brian Tracy * "A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties." ~~--Harry Truman * A good attitude will get you through the times when life jumps up and bites you in the rear. -<>- _..-""""-.._ _.-' `-._ / \ : .-'; ;'-. : | / _.-: :-._ \ | : ; ; o/ \o ; ; : / \_!-' '-!_/ \ :'-..__ __..-': / \ / \ .'\ \ / /'. .' ; `-. .-' ; '. ; : '..' : ; : | __...__ | : ; | .-' `-. | ; : : / \ : : : / / \ \ : ; .' : : '. ; ; : : : : ; ; : : : : ; : / : : \ : ;; \ / ;; ;-. '-. , .-' .-; ;;'-... '-..___..-' ...-';; ";, \ ""--....________....--""/ ,;" '. .' '. .' \ / \ / : : : : : \ / : / '. .' \ .' _. / : : '. ____________________"/_) : ') \_/ (' : ( \"_______________fsc__ '-\ '-.' '.-' /-' ** ADVICE FOR YANKEES MOVING SOUTH ** 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. 5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. 6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" 7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. 8. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers. 9. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle. 10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. -<>- ** Junior Gets His Drivers License ** Martin had just received his brand new driver's license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years." -<>- ** Oldest Son Chooses His Life's Vocation ** An older couple had a son, who was still living at home. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a ten- dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, and hid, pretending they were not home. The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard." So, the parents waited nervously, hiding in the nearby closet. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it. Then, he grabbed the bottle, opened it and took a whiff, to get assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said: MOTHER, Our son is going to be a Politician." -<>- ** The Most Suscinct Explanation ** At the local gas utility written orders are issued to change meters when they are old or malfunctioning. On the order sheet is a "remarks" section, where the service representative notes any problems that prevented the job from being completed. The most succinct explanation to ever come back was this: "Dog does not want meter to be changed." -<>- . " -. ' . . ( . () .' `. `|,. |"| ( | |\| | ) ( | |\| _ .\|, _ | ) _.->J ->J|/, . \""-""/Vl/z '-tX|b|\|\~\k\~yJr/' '^-j/PZ=\R>p/T|' ._-sFK)/|'" _-zH|/| --%/| | itz '/| | _M_ ,'"_ "`. / (_) \ ; .: | .| : .:; \ `._ .:/ `._ ..:;' """ ** FIVE WAYS TO HAVE A MORE JOYFUL CHRISTMAS ** --1. STOP, LOOK, AND LISTEN: If you discover yourself becoming dulled to the joys of the season, STOP! Slow the pace down and become still, taking time to LOOK and LISTEN. Take a winter walk, curl up in a favorite chair or before the fireplace. Helen Keller once observed, "The seeing see little." So feel the comfort of the glow of a candle, or the red of the poinsettias. Listen with new ears to laughter and bells, and to the expression of love of found in the story of the first Christmas. --2. BE WILLING TO BE SURPRISED: Remember that God can come in the least likely ways - a Holy Child born in a village stable, a brightly shining star, an angel song in the night sky. Watch for Him to come in equally surprising ways to you, too. When we live as if God is going to "surprise" us at any moment, in any way, in any place, then He usually does! --3. FIND WAYS TO ANTICIPATE CHRISTMAS: How about keeping an advent calendar? Commit yourself to perform at least one special act of kindness for each day of advent. Write a note, letter, card or e-mail to someone to express your gratitude, to tell someone you love them, to forgive an old hurt, or just to count your blessings. --4. FREE YOUR CHILDLIKE SPIRIT: Jesus held up childlikeness as a quality to be cultivated (Mark 10:15). Children are experts at dreaming up simple things as delights that adults don't, or have forgotten how to do. Can't you picture a little boy singing "Jingle Bells" to a plastic Jesus in a store? Christmas often comes in precious moments like this, when we spontaneously show our adoration for the Baby in the manger. --5. SHARE THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS WITH SOMEONE ELSE: Nothing multiplies the sense of wonder in your life like giving it away. The more you share (not just things, but yourself) the brighter Christmas grows. I hope that these simple steps will help you, or someone you can share these with, keep the wonder and excitement of Christmas alive during this busy season. Just remember that "Jesus is the reason for the season." Be a blessing to someone this week! -<>- ** One Liners From Lady Hawke ** \ \ ,,,,,, /e ''( (_ ` \ ___> \ / ,_\-.___ \_ / _)/ / \ | \ / ` _ | __\____/ / ' | / _ /______/ / _/ \,_____/o ( \__)/` \ / \__________/_/_ _/ \ \ )/ \ / / | /\ ( \_____/ ___/ \ \ _/ \ ______/_/___|_| ) \ / / o\ o\ / / /\ b'ger,,,'-----^--',,,,,,',,|_,,\_ ,,\/,, * A genius is someone who is royally messed up in a useful way. * Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. * The extra mile isn't half as long as all those other miles. * Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses * Today everyone wants instant gratification, no matter how long it takes. * Did you really think Mr. Rogers wanted you or me as a neighbor? * When you're rich, it's "eccentric"; when you're poor, it's just strange. * A grownup is someone who suffers from responsibility. * Good Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. * Your dreams will come true as soon as you're ready. * Recessions are started by people who fear recessions. * The real cause of divorce is marriage. * When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I * Recession: A period when you go without things your grandparents never heard of. * I chose the path less traveled, but only because I was lost. * Don't judge people by their relatives. * Not he, who has much, is rich . . . but he, who gives much. * Work when you should and play all the time. * The police can do a search if it's warranted. * Join the I.R.S. -- Be Audit You Can Be * Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water. * A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same way. -<>- ** Making Kids Behave ** I have an older brother, and when we were younger my dad would always say to us when we would misbehave, "Your older brother and sister used to do that....and you don't see them here anymore, do you?" For years we believed that we had an older brother and sister that misbehaved, and my parents got rid of them. Needless to say, we were little angels!! -<>- ** Thanks ** The son of a friend graduated from high school, so I sent him a card to congratulate him. I enclosed some money and scribbled some words of wisdom inside. He sent me back a note saying, "Thank you for the gift. Also thank you for the advice. My mom always told me that you were full of it." -<>- ** CANCEL My Insurance Om My Husband ** Doug's barn burned down and his wife, Tammy, called the insurance company. Tammy spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured and then we'll provide you with another barn, just like the original one." There was a long pause, and then Tammy replied, "If that's how it works, I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband." -<>- _ (_) _ (_) _ _ (_) _ (_) ). _(_) / \-'^.^ .-/ ____/ _ .-' / _ _\ (_) _/ __ () >( , )) (_)`` `\)( =_/ |^ / ()) '/ _.o_.-`.' o_....__/ _ (_,-'^/''_.-' `. `. / :`-'^ _.-`') `-u-'^ `. `.\\__.-'_.-'`/ . \`..__\ '---'` / .-^`. | \ o o`'') `./ \ / o \ <_ _/ /`-._____.:^\ / / | ____ / /` \ | .-.-'^ `\ /` | | / :--------7 /` \ __| / .' `` /` / `^ / / | / ** HOW DID WE SURVIVE? ** | / /`^\_ gnv`.____\ Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have. As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat. Our baby cribs were painted with bright colored lead based paint. We often chewed on the crib, ingesting the paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. We played dodgeball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda, but we were never over weight; we were always outside playing. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others or didn't work hard so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. That generation produced some of the greatest risk-takers and problem solvers. We had the freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) FULL Shangrala Christmas Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasindex.html Maxine Christmas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinechristmas.html A Christmas Miracle http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blindsees2.html Sociable Weaver Birds http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sociableweavers.html Beautiful Exotic Birds http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds.html Baby It's Cold Outside http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coldpets.html Penguin Rescue Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue.html Cute Australian Wildlife http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australiaanimals.html Extreme Rednecks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html Colorful Fish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fish.html Newsworthy Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newsanimals.html Eagle Sculpture Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleart.html Winter Wildlife 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/winter2.html Humor With Computers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/computerhumor.html Kids Being Kids 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids2.html Menu Bloopers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menubloopers.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >Please Follow Me On StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/zsynlpj -<>- >From Our Friend PeggyT :) Mrs. Claus's Favorite Cookie Recipe: *Amish Sugar Cookies http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0395.html *Andies Candies Cookies http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0587.html *Angel Crisps http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0884.html *Angenets http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0327.html *Applesauce Cookies http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0463.html --- ...Awesome! They sound yummy! Thanks PeggyT! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) dancing deer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0UapMLF2UY Sainsbury’s OFFICIAL Christmas Advert 2015 – Mog’s Christmas Calamity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuRn2S7iPNU --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A good country singer doesn't just sing the words, he (or she) FEELS them, and makes the audience feel it too. Through stories and emotion, we learn a little about life, love and ourselves. Here are beautiful country songs that will lighten your mood and tell you a story. Ricky Van Shelton - I'll Leave This World Loving You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=II3cVrOrqMo Willie Nelson - Always On My Mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7f189Z0v0Y Patsy Cline - Crazy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-wJNpWgss8 Don Gibson - Oh Lonesome Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc-2eO8FJzk Johnny Cash - I Walk the Line https://www.youtube.com/embed/KHF9itPLUo4?autoplay=1 --- ...YeeHaa! Fun! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The TSA just released a list of Thanksgiving leftovers that you can carry on and others you have to check, saying you can bring turkey on the plane but not gravy. Which will explain things when you're at airport security and you see a bunch of people chugging their gravy next to a trash can." -Jimmy Fallon "A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I'm not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million." -Seth Meyers "A man in New Orleans could be facing a life sentence for stealing $31 worth of candy from a drug store. I feel for this guy. That has got to be a tough conversation once you're in prison. 'Yeah, I'm in for armed robbery and arson, what about you?' 'Oh, you know, the new peanut butter Twix.'" -James Corden "The good people at Butterball have been running a toll-free hotline for turkey-cooking tips since 1981. Every year the turkey talk line receives more than 100,000 phone calls, but sadly, they have not once been able to save a turkey's life." -Stephen Colbert "I heard that AMC will broadcast a marathon of the entire 'Godfather' trilogy on Thanksgiving. So if you want to watch a dramatic family falling apart on Thanksgiving - now you've got TWO ways to do that." -Jimmy Fallon "Thursday is Thanksgiving. Now's the time to call all your family and apologize to them in advance for all the things you're going to say when you get drunk." -Jimmy Kimmel "Yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Mike Pence had lunch together. Pence was like, 'I'm eager to discuss the issues facing our nation.' While Biden said, 'If you tell the waiter it's your birthday, you get a free piece of cake.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A woman has been charged with filing a false police report after posting that she had been kidnapped on Facebook. People grew suspicious when the woman 'liked' her own kidnapping." -Conan O'Brien "Nissan is now offering a limited-edition version of its Rogue SUV to promote the new movie 'Star Wars: Rogue One' featuring a collectible helmet, because nothing says 'great car' like a complimentary helmet. -Seth Meyers "A high school student has developed an app that helps teens locate a welcoming group of kids in the lunchroom called 'Sit With Us' - or as bullies call it, 'Victim Finder.'" -Seth Meyers "Wal-Mart is working on a self-driving shopping cart that would return itself to the store after you're done using it. Though the minute that Wal-Mart shopping cart becomes self-aware, it's going to drive itself to Target and never look back." -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************