A No Brainer... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ _ _ .-""-. ( )-"```"-( ) .-""-. / O O \ / \ / O O \ |O .-. \ / 0 _ 0 \ / .-. O| \ ( ) '. _| (_) | .' ( ) / '.`-' '-./ | |`\.-' '-'.' \ | \ \ / / | / \ \ '. '._.' .' / / \ '. `'-----'` .' / \ .' '-._ .-'\ '. / |/` `'''''') ) `\| / ( ( ,\ ; \ '-..-'/ ; | '. / | | `'---'` | ; ; \ / `. .' '-._ _.-' jgs __/`" ' - - - ' "`` \__ /` /^\ `\ \( .' '. )/ '.(__(__.-' '.__)__).' *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friends Melinda, Geniann and LouiseAu. It is sure to tickle your funny bone and give you some smiles for your day. Be sure to check out the funny videos here too... _ mMm _[_]_ /(_)\ (_) //)^(\\//:\\ /(/&@&\)\|~|/ / /-~`~-\ ||| `/ \||| `-------'-'-- ()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@() Uninvited Wedding Guests http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingguests.html --- ...Aww, so cute and funny! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` >Airline Acronyms Alitalia: Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta American: Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps and Nausea Delta: Don’t Ever Leave The Airport El Al: Every Landing Always Late Olympic: Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash Sabena: Such A Bad Experience – Never Again TWA: That Was Awful -<>- One day in philosophy class they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or half empty. After the class, one student was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning at university, so when he went home he tried to continue the discussion with his family. With maximum drama, he took a 12 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured in 6 ounces of water. Then took it into the dining room and placed it in the middle of the table. He proudly asked his family, "can anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty?" Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, "Depends on if you're drinking or pouring." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 27 is Polar Bear Day and No Brainer Day February 28 is Mardi Gras, Floral Design Day, Public Sleeping Day and National Tooth Fairy Day March 1 is Ash Wednesday, National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lovers' Day March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is Caregiver Appreciation Day, Employee Appreciation Day I Want You to be Happy Day, If Pets Had Thumbs Day, National Anthem Day, National Salesperson Day and Peach Blossom Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day and Hug a GI Day March 5 is Multiple Personality Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: __ , ," e`--o (( ( | __,' \\~----------------' \_;/ hjw ( / /) ._______________. ) (( ( (( ( ``-' ``-' >Rolling Truck As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog in it was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could've happened to me if that dog hadn't honked!" -<>- >How to Prepare for Ski Season Visit your butcher and pay him $10 to sit in his walk-in freezer for half the day. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills as you warm up. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $16.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. Drive slowly for five hours, anywhere as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker! Drink a gallon of water and dress up in as many layers of clothes as you can. Then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday. -<>- >How Old? A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat ... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years." -<>- >Did He Arrive Safe? One stormy spring morning an obviously anxious mother called the school office to ask if her son's bus had gotten there safely. She was asked, "What is your son's name and what grade is he in?" A giggle followed a pause. "Oh, my son's not a student. He's the bus driver." -<>- >Twins Recently a young woman came into my father's insurance office with her newborn twins. Dad asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them apart. She gave him a funny look before responding, "No, I haven't had any problem. This is Benjamin, and this is Elizabeth." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ... `. .. `. `. `. ___`.\.// `---.--- / \.-- / \- | /\ \ |\==/\==/ | | `@'`@' .--. .--------. ) .' . `._/ / | \ . / | | / | | .' | .--. .'`. .'_ | / \ .' `.__.--'.--`. / .' | .' .| \\ |_/ | .' .' | \\ | .-`. / | . __ | .' `. \ | ` .' ) \ / \ / \ | .-' / | ( / \ / \ | | | \/ ( \/ | | ( / ) / / _.----| \/ // / .' |.-' ` ( /( / / / `. | `.( `-') .---. | `. `._/ `._.' / `. .---. | . `._.' | \ / `. \ `.___.' | Y `. `.___.' | . | \ \ | `| \ | | | . \ | | | \ \ | .--. | \ | / `. .----. \ / / \/ \ \ / | | \ | / \ | @ \ `-. \ / \ \ \ \|.__.' \ \ \ | \ \ \ | \ \ \ | \ .'`. \ | `.-' `. _.'\ | | `.-' || . \ . `. || .' `. `-.-' `.__.' .' `. .' . .' >SMILES There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I inquired, "What do you do for a living?" He answered, "I'm a former window washer." I asked, "When did you give it up?" He replied, "Halfway down." -------- As I was treating my daughter and her family to the buffet at a casino, all the bells and whistles for a winning slot machine began to go off. My seven-year-old grandson was in awe. "Wow!" yelled Casey. "This is like Chuck E. Cheese for old people." -------- Walking down main street in a very rural West Virginia town, two local men met a Catholic nun who's arm was in a sling. "What's wrong with your arm, sister?" asked one local Bubba. It's broken -- in three places," the nun replied. "How did it happen?" asked the second West Virginian, now wide-eyed. "I slipped in a bathtub," answered the nun. After leaving, the first local man asked the other, "Bubba, what's a bathtub?" Heck, I don't know," said his friend. "I ain't Catholic!" -------- Christmas was finally over and the pastor’s wife collapsed into her easy chair. “Boy, am I tired!” Her husband asked, “Wait. I conducted two special services last night, three more today, and gave a total of five sermons. Why are you tired?” She replied, “Dear, remember: I had to sit through them all!” -------- A little girl and a little boy were at day care. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband." -------- Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his bottom. "If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?" "I regret I cannot," lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck there." "I do not understand," said the other. The first Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with a white beard and top hat came flying out. He said, 'I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.' Then, I said......'No sh$#@?'" -------- I was driving my father and grandfather down a rough country road. My inexperience in handling Grandpa's four-wheel-drive vehicle made for a particularly bouncy ride. Embarrassed, I offered a lame excuse, "The sun shadows through the trees make it hard for me to see all the potholes." "Don't worry, Matt," Grandpa said. "You're gettin' most of 'em." -------- One day I was reading a newspaper. On page two was a picture of a famous politician and his gorgeous wife. Slightly jealous of the politician, I turned to my wife and said, "It's unfair that the biggest jerks in the world catch the most beautiful wives." My wife smiled and replied, "Why, thank you dear." -------- Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat. "It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?" "Why, no. Is she up to anything special?" Mrs. Smith leaned closer. "Haven't you noticed? She has started knitting tiny garments!" Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well, thank goodness," she said smiling, "at last she has taken an interest in something besides running around with boys." -------- One day, a cowboy rode into a Wild, Wild West town. The people in the town loved to play jokes on visitors. After tying his horse to the pole outside a bar, the cowboy went in. "A cup of milk please." he said to the bartender. After drinking, he went out, only to find his horse missing. Knowing that the villagers did it, he went back into the bar and said to everybody," I am going to have another drink and when I finish it, I want to see my horse outside! Or else, I will have to do what I did in Texas - HERE!" The people were very frightened. When he finished his drink, he went outside and saw his horse. The villagers had put it back. Curious, the bartender asked the cowboy," What did you do in Texas?" The Cowboy replied," Well, I had to walk home." -------- "I feel really good about myself today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks." -------- Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you." The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down. For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything. Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma'am, may I ask you two questions?" With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!" The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. "Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?" Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!" She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?" Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?" --- ...LOL! Great collection! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) __ _____....--' .' ___...---'._ o -`( ___...---' \ .--. `\ ___...---' | \ \ `| | |o o | | | | \___'.-`. '. | | `---' '^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^' LGB A large, well-established Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumber- jack. The next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe and knocked on the head lumber- jack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!" -<>- Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest..." -<>- A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane, when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane, she grabs the radio. "Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!" Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position." "I'm 5"2' and sitting in the right front seat." Ground control: "Repeat after me: Our Father..... which art in Heaven.... -<>- Two little kids were trying to figure out what game to play. Finally one came up with an idea..."let's play doctor!" "Cool", said the second one, "you be the doctor and operate... I'll be the patient and sue!" Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's gender? A: Childbirth. --- ...LOL! Great! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: So it BEGINS: Look Who Trump Is Meeting With Next Week... Liberals FREAKING http://tinyurl.com/gmjvnua Ivanka Get Involved In HUGE White House Policy Issue http://tinyurl.com/jynqmn5 Ted Cruz Just Made A HUGE Announcement Regarding Trump http://tinyurl.com/jtjwyjx -<>- >From BizarreNews: A man is happy that his furry friend protected his home from a thief. Adam Pearl of Idaho, said that he came home to find foot- prints in the snow, leading to the back of his home. He said that this was strange as nobody goes to the back of his home. However, when he went into his home, he found that things were out of place and that doors have been left open. He then checked his gun safe and found that it had been tampered with, but the safe was still locked and the guns were inside. He called the Meridian Police, and he filed a report. While the officer wrote up the report, Pearl said that she was startled by a noise in the home. Pearl told the female officer that the noise came from his pet squirrel named Joey. The officer asked if the squirrel bites people and Pearl responded that he does not. Later, Pearl got a call from the officer who informed him that they had the suspect in custody. The officer said that the suspect had scratch marks and when she asked if he get that from the squirrel, the suspect replied: "Yes, that thing kept attacking me and wouldn't stop until I left," according to Pearl. -<>- A bank robber failed to get any money from a teller after a security guard realized that she was using a large water gun as her weapon, according to police in Texas. Amarillo police said that they have arrested 31-year-old Lashondra Deniece Sandoval-Martin, after being accused of stealing a pickup truck and holding up National Bank. According to the criminal complaint, Sandoval-Martin stole the pickup truck that a worker left running with the keys in the ignition, then drove it to the National Bank located. She walked into an area that is restricted to the public and pointed her water gun at a teller, demanding cash. When a security guard walked into the room, Sandoval-Martin pointed the water gun at him. That is when the security realized that she was holding a large water gun. He attempted to detain her, but she managed to break free and ran out of the bank. Sandoval-Martin was later apprehended and charged with aggravated robbery and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. Latest from the Teaparty http://archive.mailsquadron.com/csb/Public/show/eyfje--brv9t-4ikbv794 Whitehouse Survey: http://tinyurl.com/zb9k3ga -<>- *-------- The Records Continue to Fall --------* A Mexican woman born without arms broke a world record for lighting candles with her feet on an Italian game show. Adriana Irene Macias Hernandez used her feet to light 11 candles and claim the Guinness World Record for "Most birth- day candles lit with the feet in one minute" in front of the audience of Italy's Lo Show dei Record. The previous record of seven was set by American Ashrita Furman, who holds multiple world records. Hernandez became proficient at completing tasks with her feet after she was born without arms. In addition to breaking the record, Hernandez graduated with a law degree, has written multiple books and travels around the world to deliver lectures about her disability. *-------------- No Pants Allowed --------------* Runners in 37 U.S. cities and 12 Australian cities stripped down to their skivvies to run through the streets and raise money for cancer research. Cupid's Undie Run, an annual event timed to coincide with Valentine's Day, took place Saturday afternoon in U.S. cities including New York, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Salt Lake City, Dallas, Houston, Los Angeles, Nashville, Philadelphia, and Oklahoma City. Twelve Australian cities, including Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and Canberra, also participated in the underwear run. The event featured participants in their underwear running a mile to raise money for the Children's Tumor Foundation. Organizers did not yet offer numbers for the event, but last year's undie run raised more than $3.5 million for neurofibromatosis research. "Why do we run with our butts out? It's simple. We run in our undies because people with NF can't cover up their tumors. They can't put clothes on to feel more comfortable, so why should we?" the event's official website explains. *--The Devil (or a load of drugs) Made Me Do It--* A Stamford, Connecticut chapel was the site of a bizarre crime this week, when police said a naked woman broke through a window and started smashing down doors and walls. "Yesterday was my first anniversary here!" said the Rev. Carlos Rodrigues, "What a gift, right?" The naked woman was seen wildly swinging a fire extinguisher in the basement chapel of the Rectory of the church of St. Clement. "She was like a human tornado - just ripped through the place very fast!" Rodrigues said. Stamford police said Celina Kelly, 32, was high on drugs when she broke a window to gain access to the chapel. Marks were left on the door, which police said she broke down with the fire extinguisher. Kelly went on to kick and punch holes in the drywall of the boiler room behind the chapel, police said. Rodrigues said the suspect was apparently looking for something. "A bomb - she kept saying: 'Where the F is the bomb? The bomb, the bomb!'" he said. As luck would have it, a Stamford police officer drove through the church parking lot on routine targeted patrol just as it all unfolded. Police said Kelly has no fixed address. She is charged with burglary and criminal mischief. *------------ There Can Be Only One ------------* Brooksville, Florida police arrested a man they say was swinging swords at customers in Walmart on Broad Street. The responding officers were called by the store's manager, who said someone was threatening customers in the parking lot. When they got there, they found Shannon Schenck carrying two swords and appearing to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, the police department said. Several witnesses told officers Schenck had "assumed a fighting stance and unsheathed the swords in a threatening manner while approaching customers exiting their vehicles." Officers also found less than 20 grams of marijuana on Schenck, as well as a glass pipe with marijuana residue. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) {} {} ! ! ! II II ! ! ! ! I__I__I_II II_I__I__I ! I_/|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|\_I ! /|_/| | | || || | | |\_|\ ! .--. I//| | | | || || | | | |\\I .--. /- \ ! /|/ | | | | || || | | | | \|\ ! /= \ \=__ / I//| | | | | || || | | | | |\\I \-__ / } { ! /|/ | | | | | || || | | | | | \|\ ! } { {____} I//| | | | | | || || | | | | | |\\I {____} _!__!__|= |=/|/ | | | | | | || || | | | | | | \|\=| |__!__!_ _I__I__| ||/|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|\||- |__I__I_ -|--|--|- ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-||= |--|--|- | | | || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | || | | | | | |= || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||- | | | _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| |__|__|_ -|--|--|= ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-||- |--|--|- jgs| |- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||= | | | ~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~ >St. Peter and the Hoodies Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies, and sagging pants, arrive. St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I’ll be right back." St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance. God says to Peter, "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!" St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says, “Well, they're gone." “The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God. "No. The Pearly Gates." -<>- I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can make love at 75. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't even have to cross the road! ~~~~~~~ Answering machine message, "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." ~~~~~~~ Aspire to inspire before you expire. ~~~~~~~ My wife came home from the doctor and said that he recommended upper body exercise. I asked her if that also included her mouth because she had been getting plenty of that exercise already. I don't know what happened after, but I woke up in the hospital. ~~~~~~~ My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine. ~~~~~~~ Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. ~~~~~~~ Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. ~~~~~~~ The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere. ~~~~~~~ God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. ~~~~~~~ I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. ~~~~~~~ Every morning is the dawn of a new error. ~~~~~~~ The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" ~~~~~~~ For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us.... go ahead and delete this. For the rest of us... pass this on! --- ...Giggles! Thanks Linda! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in your- selves," he said. "You all get 'A's." -<>- Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, "Panty stitcher...I sew the elastic onto women's panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher in her table. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. The second guy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor." "What skill?!" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic, and he pulls on it and says, "Yep, dese'll fit 'er." -<>- Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls. "Your wife must love these rolls," he said. "How do you know these are for my wife?" I asked. "Because I'm pretty sure your mother wouldn't send you out in weather like this." -<>- One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy, stupid and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about him?" -<>- [This story was sent by Clean Laffs reader Jeff in Tucson...] When I was around 4 years old, I was biting my nails pretty badly and my mother showed me a picture of a child with a very swollen belly due to malnutrition. "That will happen to you if you keep biting your nails," she told me. Later that week we were in the supermarket standing in line at the checkout counter behind a lady who was obviously 9 months pregnant. I pointed to her and, in a very loud voice, said, "We know what she has been doing don't we mommy?" Have you ever seen your mother try to crawl under a cash register and hide? -<>- A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text; "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." He replied, "I am on the toilet. Please advise." ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: Money will buy a bed but not sleep; books but not brains; food but not appetite; finery but not beauty; a house but not a home; medicine but not health; luxuries but not culture; amusements but not happiness; religion but not salvation--a passport to everywhere but heaven. __,---. /__|o\ ) `-\ / / ,) (, // \\ {( )} =======""===""=============== jgs ||||| ||| | >Parrots and Priorities (By Alan Smith) The story is told of a woman who bought a parrot to keep her company, but she returned it the next day. "This bird doesn't talk," she told the owner. "Does he have a mirror in his cage?" he asked. "Parrots love mirrors. They see their reflection and start a conversation." The woman bought a mirror and left. The next day she returned; the bird still wasn't talking. "How about a ladder? Parrots love ladders. A happy parrot is a talkative parrot." The woman bought a ladder and left. But the next day, she was back. "Does your parrot have a swing? No? Well, that's the problem. Once he starts swinging, he'll talk up a storm." The woman reluctantly bought a swing and left. When she walked into the store the next day, her countenance had changed. "The parrot died," she said. The pet store owner was shocked. "I'm so sorry. Tell me, did he ever say anything?" he asked. "Yes, right before he died," the woman replied. "In a weak voice, he asked me, 'Don't they sell any food at that pet store?' " Sometimes we forget what's really important in life. We get so caught up in things that are good while neglecting the things that are truly necessary. We've got to provide the family with a nice house. And of course, we've got to have at least two cars. And to make everybody truly happy, we need the latest smart phone. But, if we're not careful, we'll make the mistake of thinking those (and many other such "things") are the things that bring us satisfaction and meaning. The prophet Haggai had a lot to say about priorities. The Jews were spending plenty of time and energy taking care of our own needs, building their own houses, planting their own fields, but they were neglecting the things of God. They were too "busy" for God, but the things that were keeping them busy were not things which should have been of highest priority. "Is it time for you yourselves to live in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins?" (Haggai 1:4). We can easily determine what our true priorities are by looking at (1) what we spend our money on, (2) what we spend our time doing, and (3) what we talk about. Jesus said, "The thing you should want most is God's kingdom and doing what God wants. Then all these other things you need will be given to you." (Matthew 6:33, NCV). Take a moment to do a "priority check", and strive for what is *most* important today. Don't wait for the parrot to die! -<>- ____ _ /////|\\ ``````\\\ `/` ))) \`, ((( `--- ,\\\ ,---/ )),))) / , `(( ((( `--. ) `__)) ________ | | ,-./\ \ _,-' \ \__,-. \ \,-' /`.__,-'_,-\ `-. / \____`--'____________ | \ Starshine >Quick Jokes While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "How big was the mouse?" -------- Having lost weight over the past few years, I was discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit. My seven-year-old niece was watching as I held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 183." My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" -------- We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings: "Well I'm bored....Let's go brush our teeth!" Or, "I've got to go make a phone call, would you hold this gum in your mouth?" ------- "I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly." - Brad Stine -------- A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a birthday present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces. The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour. However it took the old man two days to assemble the toy. Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it off to the company. -------- One day, a father was reading his paper, when his son came in and said, "Dad, will you take me to the zoo tomorrow?" "No," said his father, "If they want you, they can come and get you." ------- >HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM: 1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Manhattan 2. One hand on wheel, making gestures out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New York City 3. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston 4. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun on lap: Los Angeles 5. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: From Iowa, but driving in Los Angeles 6. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: Quebec 7. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: Chicago 8. Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, raccoon tails attached to the antenna: Arkansas ------- __, .-"`{*} ." ::{*} / .:. {*} |:: ' ::{*} {^"*"^"*"^"*"^"*"^"*"^"*"^} |^=.=^=.=^=.=^=.=^=.=^=.=^| ()-():. .:. .:. .:. .:. | /o o\' :: ' :: ' :: ' :: ' | _\ Y /_. .:. .:. .:. .:. | O__`&`__O : ' :: ' .--. ' |_ / \^"*"^[A]^"*"^/____\"^,_(')< jgs ()/^\()=^=[B][C].=^\~~~~/.=\___) '--' >How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night). GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside. FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 mo. Now remove 10% of the beans. PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. CAR TEST: Forget the Miata and buy the mini van. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family size bag of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There! Perfect! CRAFT TEST: Get an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a can of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now get a toilet paper tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas tree. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of CoCo Puffs and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations, you have just qualified for a place on the play group committee. TELEVISION TEST: Learn the names of every character from 'Barney and Friends', 'Sesame Street', and 'Power Rangers'. When you find yourself singing, "I love you, you love me" at work, you finally qualify as a parent. FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the answers. _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Cat Owner Tips!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html This Is MY Spot!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/myspot.html Aww Animals 10!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals10.html Winter Wildlife 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/winter2.html Who Is This Jesus?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Taking A Cat Bath!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbath.html Taking A Catnap 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap2.html Quilts In The Snow!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowquilts.html World Of Squirrels!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofsquirrels.html Animals First Snow!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowart.html Snow Sculpture Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowart.html Winter Wonderland!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lessons.html Look Who's Talking 8!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking8.html Dogs And Cats Together!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsandcats.html World's Tallest SnowWoman!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowwoman.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us ones we have here... Unique Boneyards http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boneyards.html Great Engineering Achievements http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/engineering.html Back In Time http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backintime.html Baby, It's Cold Outside! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coldpets.html --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! Budweiser Commercials compilation.. Great http://www.youtube.com/embed/g77TQx2ZvE0?feature=player_detailpage --- ...Loved em! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) This is one of those things where you see it but still don't believe it! A man in a park appears to sit down, but nothing is beneath him. This causes a lot of double takes and some people even stop and stare. Can you figure out how he does it? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pXyEiYzzT4 Do you crush aluminum cans before you recycle them? You could do it with your hands or you could do it with science! Here's an awesome experiment you can try without any special science supplies, just water. Watch to see how to do it and also watch it happen in super slow motion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS8ZIrDetJM&feature=player_embedded You've seen a hermit crab before, right? Have you seen one naked? Hermit crabs are almost always hiding in their sea shells, but every once in a while they pack up and move. I've never seen it captured on video before, so maybe you haven't either. See what it looks like in this cool, rare video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=TLCVC1wbvtw --- ...Pretty Neat! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class. She said, 'I'm suing whoever's responsible for this!' And her professor said, 'Don't you mean WHOMEVER?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashes than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles-an-hour." -Conan O'Brien "A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called 'New Yorker milkshake' which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you'll get is a coffin lid." -Seth Meyers "Astronomers say they now know the approximate weight of the Milky Way. They found this out by adding 10 pounds to the Milky Way's weight on its Tinder profile." -Conan O'Brien "A man in Georgia was arrested for stealing a Krispy Kreme doughnut truck and leading police on a high-speed chase. The police charged him with one count of grand theft irony." -Jimmy Fallon "A survey by the national retail foundation said that some people even give their fish Valentine's Day gifts. A good way to tell that you've lost your mind is if you give your fish a Valentine's Day gift." --Jimmy Kimmel "Burger King is reportedly close to buying Popeye's Chicken. Wow, Burger King must be really drunk." -Seth Meyers "There is so much going on in the world right now. Not just in the world, there's a lot going on in the universe. For those of you who are looking to get off the planet, astronomers at the Carnegie Institution discovered more than 100 potential planets that may be habitable, which means we're one step closer to finding a planet with intelligent life." -Jimmy Kimmel "In North Carolina, a mother is suing a daycare center because one of the workers there breastfed her son without permission. Authorities say she doesn't really have a case because her son is 32." -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************