A Toad In The Hand Is Better... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first too hot to handle new page is from our friend Linda.
Often when we think of a forest, a dense thicket of greenery
with trees comes to mind, but God didn't give us mundane forests
of all one type, like flowers and gardens, forests are more
diverse and intriguing than most of us give them credit for.
Check out some of the world's most interesting ones here and be
sure to view the video too for a little forest mystery trivia:
\ i. / s /
\ \ / /
.n' | a |_.-._
/ / / .-' `-. --._
/ / | / \-.__' `.
| ( | | _ \ _ .-. \
| `-.-' | .-' '-. | ' `-. ( )_ |
`-._ \ ( | \ / \ `-' `.
`--. \ ) \ \`-' / | .'
\ .- '-.| `-._.-' \ / \
| / \ . `._.-' |
| / | | ' /
| (_/ | `-._ _.'
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| | ` \_ \` ,
\ \ (\ .o-`-o
| \__ _______,-'\`
\ ( | |
| \\ |
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Forests Of The World
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/forests.html
---
...Most lovely! Thanks Linda!
Our next flaming hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu,
Linda and PatDeE. It is sure to tickle your funny bone and
give you a few chuckles. Check it out here for some smiles
to lighten for your day:
_H_
/___\
\888/
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~U~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
~ |
~ o | ~
___ o |
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/_ .-" _ /_\'. | ~
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/__; ((_ ,_ | , #
.-; \_ / # _#,
/ ; .-' / _.--""-.\`~` `#(('\\ ~
;-'; / / .' )) \\
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jgs .` `""-.
.' \ ~ ~
| |\ |
\ / '-._|
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Humor With Fishing!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishinghumor.html
---
...LOL! Some great ones here! Thanks my friends!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
_.--._ _.--._
,-=.-":;:;:;\':;:;:;"-._
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;::;:;:;:\
\\\;:;::;:;:;\:;:;:;::;:\
\\\;;:;:_:--:\:_:--:_;:;\ -shimrod
\\\_.-" : "-._\
\`_..--""--.;.--""--.._=>
"
A lady sitting in first class saw the cockpit door open, she was
incredulous to see that the pilot was reading. Very concerned, she
asked a flight attendant, "Miss, why is the pilot reading? Isn't he
supposed to be flying?"
The woman fainted when the flight attendant said, "Oh well, he's just
studying for his pilot license."
-<>-
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into
the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly
jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you
were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think
you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved,
hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but
he's dead."
Mary replied, "Oh, He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
July 30 is National Cheesecake Day, Father-in-Law Day and
International Day of Friendship
July 31 is Mutt's Day
August 1 is National Girlfriends Day, National Mountain Climbing Day
and National Raspberry Cream Pie Day
August 2 is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day
August 3 is Grab Some Nuts Day, International Beer Day and
National Watermelon Day
August 4 is Campfire Day, International Hangover Day, National
Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, U.S. Coast Guard Day, National Clown Day
and National Mustard Day
August 5 is Friendship Day, International Forgiveness Day, National
Underwear Day, Sisters Day and Work Like a Dog Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
__ __
/| `-' |\
/_| o.o |_\
| o`o'o |
| o^o |
|_______|
Riitta Rasimus
>Borrowing Clothes
As mother in a family with six children, I was
concerned with everyone respecting one another's
belongings. One day I spotted my 14-year-old
daughter wearing her 16-year-old sister's sweater.
"Teresa, did you ask Karen if you could borrow that?"ť I asked.
"No," she replied. "She came in my room and took
something of mine, so she left this on deposit."
The girls had it all worked out.
-<>-
>Menu Planning Tip to Reduce Stress
I have changed my system for labelling homemade freezer meals. I used
to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meat Loaf" or "Pot Roast"
or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."
However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what
he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things.
So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.
If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels.
You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever,"
"Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or
"Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband
replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will
be there waiting.
-<>-
>In a Fight
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy. He said, "I'm going
to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
"Oh, yeah? Why?"
"For one thing, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
-<>-
>In the Old Days
My daughter was six and excited about learning all the wonderful
things about the world that first-graders learn. She turned to me one
day and asked, "Mom, back in the old days when you were a kid, had
they learned how to make the wheel yet?"
I replied, "No, Sweetie, back then we were just grateful to have fire."
-<>-
>Pick One
Our family was attending a wedding, and I sat next to my mom, who had
my youngest sister on her lap. The groom was standing at the front as
the bridesmaids walked up the aisle one by one.
Growing restless, my sister looked up at my mom and said, "So why
doesn't he just hurry up and pick one?"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
*\o_ _c/*
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__o */\ /\* c__
* /> <\ *
/\* __o_ _c__ */\
* / * * \ *
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ejm97 __)__
>SMILES
As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named
Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New
York where before long, she became a successful performer in show
business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday
night went to confession in the church, which she had always attended as
a child.
In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her
about her work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know
what that meant.
She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on
stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan,
she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and
back flips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged
ladies.
They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the
other: "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out
this night, and me without me bloomers on!"
--------
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that
they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two
months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and
feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well,
though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time. We'll
miss him."
"Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since
I'm that one person, I say he goes."
Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and
wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm.
"It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and
get his cage."
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "His cage?!
Oh, no! Danny?!! We thought you said Daddy!"
-------
Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five
good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five
bad bridesmaids did not.
The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end
on a high note.
Last Sunday the priest ended with...
"Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids
or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?"
I wasn't the only one who got it wrong!
--------
A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him
hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
--------
.---.
(_---_)
(_/6 6\_)
( v )
`\ /'
.-'': ;``-.
/ \,Y./ \
/ (:)___ \
: .-'XXX`-.`\_;
`.__.-XXX-.__.'\_
/ / XXX \ \ `\_
/ XXX \ `\
/ XXX \ _`\___
jgs / \ (`--"""-')
/ \ (=-=-=-=-)
`--...___ ___...--' (________)
At art class, our model was a ninety-year-old woman who posed for over
an hour. When we were finished, she went around to see what the
students had done.
She stopped at my desk, frowned, showed displeasure at my work and
angrily exclaimed, "You've made me look like an old lady!"
--------
I took a couple of minutes from work to give my wife a call. She put my
two-year-old son on, and we chatted a while before he ended it with an
enthusiastic, "I love you!"
"I love you too," I said, with a dopey grin plastered on my face.
I was about to hang up when I heard him ask sweetly, "Mommy, who was
that?"
-------
A Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, motorcycle cop was on patrol one bright sunny
December afternoon when he came upon a line of cars stopped at a light
with horns blasting. He stopped behind the last car in line. Then he
noticed the reason for the noise. The light directing that lane of
traffic was green. He pulled out of line and stopped alongside of the
first car in line to see what the problem was. The car was a big brown
Cadillac with New York plates driven by a blonde. He motioned her to
roll down her window, which she promptly did. He then asked her why she
was stopped when the light was green. She said, "Oh, because I'm on my
way to my sister's house, which is that way," and she pointed to the
right. The motorcycle cop said, "Well, go ahead! The light is green."
The blonde responded with, "Yes, I know, but the sign under the light
says: 'RIGHT TURN ON RED.'"
--------
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete
checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying,
and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man.
"How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"
"Nine..."
--------
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about
the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn
child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment.
Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever
has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
--------
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. Nearby, on the opposite
side of the road, was an American Marine in similar but less serious
state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to
both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. Seeing
each other, we both took cover in the ditches alongside the road. I
yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable lowlife scumbag, and
he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for- nothing,
left wing liberal drunk.. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and
acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman! He retaliated by saying "Oh
Yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton." "We were standing there in the
middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
-------
-|
-' |
-' | __().
==wkm=====|'\/ `.O__
\ `,
_-^.
`. `---,
:
____________________________________
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: The higher you go in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.
---
...HaHa! You got that right! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
.
.:::.
.:::::::.
V^V^V^V^V^V
(| ^ ^ |)
| (_) |
`//=\\'
(((()))
)))((
(())))
))((
(()
))
( jgs
>CONFUCIUS MAY NOT HAVE SAID......
but would have, if he had thought a bit more!
* Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
* Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
* Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
* Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
* Man who runs in front of car gets tired.
* Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
* Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.
* War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
* Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
* It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
* Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
* Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
* Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
* Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY.....
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
---
...LOL! Excellent ones! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
/\ /\ /\
//\\ //\\ //\\
\\// \\// \\//
>< >< ><
.._||_.. ._||.. ._||..
:/ !! : | \: :/ :;
|: :| | | :: | | :: ;|
|: :; | | :; | | :: :|
|; : | | : : | | :: :|
| | | | | ,|
|_._.__| |__.__.| |._._._|
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
\_.. ._/ \_. .._/ \_.. ._/
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| \._____./ \._____./ |
\ /
`-.______. . .. ._______.-'
\ .. /
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
|... .|
____/.. . ..\____
_. -' '-._
/___________________________\ pjb
Candlelight may be romantic, but there's nothing lovely
about prying or scraping melted votives out of their holders.
Not only is it ineffective; you also risk scratching or
breaking the delicate glass. Instead, try this trick: Place
the glass candleholders in the freezer for a few hours. Once
frozen, the wax will shrink just enough to pop right out.
Onions are often the base of so many of our favorite dishes.
However, as we all know, they can be a hassle to prepare.
That's why this hack is so ingenious: Dice up a bunch of
onions at once and save them in the freezer. Next time a recipe
calls for some chopped onion, you'll be ready.
Accidentally drop a piece of eggshell into your bowl? In
order to get out tiny bits of cracked eggshell from your
mixing bowl, simply wet one of your fingers with water and
gently touch the shell shard. It will easily stick to your
finger!
There are so many hacks out there that supposedly prevent
your brown sugar from becoming hard, but this is the only
method you actually need. Seal your brown sugar and store
it inside of the refrigerator. It really doesn't get any
easier than that.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Gowdy SLAMS Anti-Trump Conspirators By Name On Fox
https://tinyurl.com/ycf5677v
Fox Host DESTROYS 'Russia Hoax', Trump Responds [VIDEO]
https://tinyurl.com/yapbsm8b
Trump Is Right to Meet Putin
America needs fewer enemies. What’s wrong with reducing tensions?
By SEN. RAND PAUL
https://tinyurl.com/ydbtdmwr
In The Hill, Jen Kerns writes that President Trump has been tougher on
Russia in 18 months than former President Obama was in eight years. “It
was President Obama who, according to Reuters, was ‘caught on camera’
saying to a Russian leader that he’ll have more flexibility after the
election — not President Trump,” Kerns reminds readers.
https://tinyurl.com/y9uld4u8
President Trump is Protecting America’s Farmers Against Unfair Trade
https://tinyurl.com/yck4lbsj
A powerful free gift today: The Heritage Guide to the Constitution.
https://tinyurl.com/yd9v2wgc
Constitution 101 is now available on DVD
https://tinyurl.com/y7l23h8p
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
If you live in a rural area there are certain risks you
have to be willing to face. Occasionally interacting with
wildlife is one of them. Unfortunately a lot of people
panic when faced with an animal they can't put a tiny,
little sweater on, and immediately call professionals to
come tranquilize or even murder it.
But one Oregon woman used her experience with energy healing
to safely deal with an unexpected and dangerous house guest.
When Lauren Taylor got home late one night last week she
was met with an unusual surprise; a pair of yellow-brown
eyes staring at her from behind the couch. Those eyes
belonged to a wild mountain lion.
Apparently, the back door had been left open, and the cat
had wandered right in after drinking from a fountain in
the yard.
Taylor, who has previously worked in wildlife rescue and
also practices energy healing, knew they'd have to give
the cat a lot of space and remain calm to encourage her
to leave safely. Taylor saw the lion lie down, so she
quietly went outside to keep watch through the window.
To her surprise, the lion was fast asleep.
"The lion was frightened, agitated and determined to exit
through a closed window," Taylor wrote on Facebook. "Once
the energy shifted, she calmed down."
As the minutes passed on, and Taylor remained outside,
the lion continued to sleep. Eventually she woke up and
noticed the human staring in at her. Taylor began blinking
slowly at her - which in feline body language signifies
that you pose no threat.
Taylor remained outside for nearly six more hours as the
lion continued napped behind the couch.
It was just a couple hours until dawn before the lion
finally got up and calmly left through an open door.
"I am hopeful and confident this cougar will not be back,"
Taylor said. "It was a perfect ending to a blessed
encounter that could have been dangerous if approached from
a lower frequency [of energy]. May she stay safely in the
hills to enjoy a long life as a wild and healthy lion."
-<>-
,-.
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`` SSt
A Toad In The Hand Is Better Than One In The Mouth!
With all of the dangerous synthetic drugs out there like
bath salts, crystal meth, and Molly to name a few, some
seekers of expanded consciousness are turning to a more
natural means. A much more natural means.
Wildlife officials in Arizona said toads are being stolen
from a conservation area and the thieves are believed to
be planning to lick them.
The Spur Cross Conservation Area's official Facebook page
posted footage showing multiple people taking Sonoran desert
toads late at night.
The post said the case has been turned over to the Maricopa
County Sheriff's Office to seek charges including violation
of the park's posted hours and vandalism.
Randy Babb, an Arizona Game and Fish wildlife biologist,
said the thieves were likely planning to lick the toads, a
practice that induces hallucinogenic effects similar to DMT.
"Sonoran desert toads are the toads of choice and they
harvest the poison from them and then ingest it," Babb said.
"They're the largest toad in the Southwest. They can reach
sizes of more than 2 pounds and can live up to 20 years."
---
...You have to watch which toad you play with...
Don't confuse this toad...
Facts About Sonoran Desert Toads You Never Knew
https://animalsake.com/sonoran-desert-toad
With this toad...
Australian crocs hit by cane toad ‘wave of death’
https://tinyurl.com/y8xdpfwm
*---------------- Not Lovin' It ----------------*
The aftermath of a McDonald's meal often isn't pretty, but
if you have to strip naked when you go to the bathroom maybe
you should find another restaurant to visit. But that was
probably NOT the reason police found a naked man doing
jumping jacks in the women's bathroom of a McDonald's in
Tennessee. Police were summoned to a McDonald's in Nashville
due to a "male subject who was locked in the womens restroom
naked," according to a court affidavit. Restaurant management
reported that the man had "been there all day." [Sounds like
someone had the Double Bacon Smokehouse Burger.] A patrolman
reported encountering Brody Young, 25, in the bathroom.
Young was "erratic and doing jumping jacks and hitting the
wall," reported the cop, who noted a strong chemical odor in
the bathroom, evidence that the intoxicated Young had likely
been huffing. Deemed a "danger to himself and others," Young
was taken into custody and charged with several misdemeanors.
He has been barred from entering the McDonald's.
*-- Who Needs a Gun When You Have a Pressure Washer? --*
A New Jersey teenager fended off a man armed with a knife
who tried to rob him by spraying the bandit in the face
with a power washer, authorities said. The teen was in his
driveway about 2:45 p.m. when the robber approached him
with a folding pocket knife, police said in a statement.
The robber then fled through neighboring yards after getting
a face full of water. Police said he was wearing a dark
hooded sweatshirt, black gloves and dark colored long shorts
or pants. He is white, about 5-foot-10 with a medium build,
in his early 20s, and has a freshly power washed face.
*------ Naked Man Arrested at Health Club ------*
A Massachusetts man was arrested at a New Hampshire Planet
Fitness after he did naked yoga on the public gym floor.
When police apprehended 34-year-old Eric Stagno, he
reportedly told them he thought the health club was a
"judgement free zone," referring to the gym franchise's
marketing slogan. Stagno was allegedly naked when he used
the gym's yoga mats. [Aren't those mats gross enough?] "The
story we got from witnesses was that the guy walked in,
stripped down right there in front, left the clothes and
belongings at the front desk, walked back and forth across
the gym a couple of times and then settled in over at the
yoga mats," Plaistow police Capt. Brett Morgan told the New
Hampshire Union-Leader. Morgan told WBZ-TV that gymgoers
who witnessed Stagno nude routine said they felt
"disgusted," "sick" and "unsafe." Stagno was released on a
$1,000 bail.
*-- Cat Takes Office as Mayor of Michigan Town --*
A Michigan village inaugurated its fourth-ever mayor to paw-
ffice: A local cat named Sweet Tart. The Village of Omena
voted the 9-year-old feline, who previously served as the
village's vice mayor, into office in an election that
featured votes being cast via $1 donations that went to the
local historical society. "While I'm home schooled, I
graduated first in my class!" Sweet Tart's campaign profile
boasted. Officials said there were a record number of votes
in the election, which featured a variety of animal
candidates. The village has had an animal mayor for more
than a decade. There were about 7,000 votes cast, including
several online. Sweet Tart's opponents in the race, which
included 13 dogs, a peacock, a goat, a chicken and another
cat, were all awarded positions on the village council.
Sweet Tart will serve as mayor until the next election in
2021, officials said.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
______
,-' ; ! `-.
/ : ! : . \
|_ ; __: ; |
)| . :)(. ! |
|" (##) _ |
| : ;`' (_) (
| : : . |
)_ ! , ; ; |
|| . . : : |
|" . | : . |
|mt-2_;----.___|
>Knock, Knock
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nana!
Nana who?
Nana you business!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Harry!
Harry who?
Harry up and answer this door!
-<>-
>We Were The First...
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"
-<>-
>Whatcha Doin?
One day Timmy was in his backyard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing
him there, decided to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm burying him," Timmy replied.
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"
-<>-
>Dog Duty
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids
home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of
the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire
hydrant!"
-<>-
(\-"""-/)
| |
\ ^ ^ / .-.
\_o_/ / /
/` `\/ |
/ \ |
\ ( ) / |
/ \_) (_/ \ /
| (\-/) |
\ --^o^-- /
\ '.___.' /
jgs .' \-=-/ '.
/ /` `\ \
(//./ \.\\)
`"` `"`
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What happens when you cross rice krispies with a kangaroo?
A: Snap! Crackle! Hop!
Q: Why did the soda can go to college?
A: He wanted to be a fizz ed teacher.
Q: What happened when the wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.
Q: Why did the teacher carry birdseed?
A: For the parrot Teacher conference.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
|| |||||||||||||||||||
|| |||||||||||||||||||
\\\\ [] |||||||||||||||||||
\____/ | | ________________________
|_____| _|__ __ __ __|_ / |
| | ( | (_o)-/~\-(o_) | ) / It's A Good Thing... |
| | (| ( ) |) /\ |
| | | | / \________________________|
| |_______| / \ |_________
| | \ _____ / \
| | \ (_____) / \
| | \___________/ |
| | | ||||||||||| |
| / / ||||||||| | |
| / ||||||| | |
| / {o | |
\_____/ {o | |
| {o | |
| {o | |
T. Hawkins
A man went to see his doctor to go over his blood work
results. As soon as he entered the office, the doctor said
to him, "I just looked at your results. You're lucky that
you came in to see me today..."
The man suddenly became nervous and asked, "Why? What's
wrong with my blood work?"
"Oh nothing! It's just that I'll be out of the office
tomorrow," replied the doctor.
-<>-
My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his house. The
bathrooms had excessively mirrored walls but his wife
preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising
position. She even went so far as to place a "modesty
plant" so that it obscured the view.
Now I don't think there is anything wrong with mirrored
walls in the bathroom. I told my uncle: "You should be
able to sit and reflect."
-<>-
As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male
habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I
emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I
bumped into my husband.
"What is it with guys that they won't replace the toilet
paper?!" I raged.
"I know," he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that
when I was in there earlier."
-<>-
A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has
come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his
pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those
things that just fell out of your pockets?"
"Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm
driving."
"Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."
-<>-
According to a news report, a certain private school in
Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A
number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick
and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but
after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the
next day the girls would put them back. Finally the
principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there
with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip
prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who
had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine
the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the
mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls
how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the
toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
-<>-
I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at
a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there
was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which
said, "Please Wiggel Handel".
Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel
Bach?"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
,-----.
W/,-. ,-.\W
()>a a<()
(.--(_)--.)
,'/.-'\_/`-.\`.
,' / `-' \ `.
/ \ / \
/ `. ,' \
/ / `-._.-' \ \
,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-<
<,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \
`-)| |// _ \\| )/
|| |' | `|
|| | | |
|| ( )|( )
|| | | |
|| | | |
|| |_.--.|.--._|
|| /'""| |""`\
[] `===' `===' hjw
>Wisdom From Senior Citizens
1. I started with nothing. I still have most of it.
2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?
3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling
apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
5. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
9. The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
10. I tried to get a life once, but they told me they were
out of stock.
11. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway
though.
12. It was so different before everything changed.
13. Some day's you're the dog, and some day's you're the
hydrant.
14. Nostalgia isn't what it use to be.
15. Old programmers never die. They just terminate and
stay resident.
-<>-
_..-------++._
_.-'/ | _|| \"--._
__.--'`._/_\j_____/_||___\ `----.
_.--'_____ | \ _____ /
_j /,---.\ | =o | /,---.\ |_
[__]==// .-. \\==`===========/==// .-. \\=[__]
`-._|\ `-' /|___\_________/___|\ `-' /|_.' hjw
`---' `---'
>Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon
1. Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
2. Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
3. Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
4. Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
5. Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
6. Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
7. "Jaws of Life" are in trunk.
8. Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Fun With Food 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food4.html
A Little Froggy!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html
Beautiful Aerial England!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/england.html
This is India!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/india.html
Medical Health Test!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/medical.html
Why We Love Dogs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whydog.html
Pretty Bugs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bugs.html
Al Ain Paradise!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baskets.html
Here's Your FROG!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.html
[Graphic] Deer Hunter!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerhunter.html
Eagle Rescue!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html
Flower Dog Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart2.html
Mini Baby Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baby.html
Amazing Air Car!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aircars.html
Awww Animals 8!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals8.html
Chinese Wal-Mart!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html
Thoughts Into Action!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action10.html
Extreme Rednecks!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html
MacGyver - How To Do It #4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver4.html
God's Bumper Stickers!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html
Recycling Ideas!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/recycling.html
Whale Rescue 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html
-<>-
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
'Golden Girls' action figures are a thing!
Thank you for being a friend, and for making the greatest action
figures/dolls (depends on who you ask) ever made! Sophia with kungfu
grip? Take my money!
https://www.nme.com/news/golden-girls-action-figures-comic-con-2357262
10 'Dangerous' Fictional Theme Parks You'd Want To Go To
From doyouremember.com: There are many films out there which are home to
some pretty dangerous, wild, and straight up whacky theme parks. You
might find you remember some of these places and wish you could've
joined in the fun.
https://doyouremember.com/81180/dangerous-fictional-theme-parks
HOW MUCH IS INSIDE?
Throughout the ages, man has pondered the question, "How
much is inside?" With a few extra bucks, and a decent
spot on the internet, we at cockeyed.com expose these
long-hidden truths.
http://www.cockeyed.com/inside/howmuchinside.html
This is what happens when geography and history are neglected
in schools. Be very scared.
http://www.safeshare.tv/v/fJuNgBkloFE
Sound check... Your Smile for the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vmp8OquVxrY
Encyclopedia | smithsonian - Explore Your Interests
Bringing you everything under the sun
http://goo.gl/HjyhI
Why I Love Raccoons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3LpQkOpD20
5 Easy Mouse/Rat Trap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDqAcM9FQRs
FORGET CATS! Funny KIDS vs ZOO ANIMALS are WAY FUNNIER!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKU6x1n9Hak
42 HOLY GRAIL HACKS THAT WILL SAVE YOU A FORTUNE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9YMpuLDnwo
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
A glass of red wine is a well-deserved reward for Annabel Carberry after
she performs A Glass of Red, an entertaining hula hoop dance routine. I
love how she wins over the somewhat skeptical crowd and wows them with
her hula hoop skills in this amazing performance! I can only imagine the
hours of practice and bottles of wine she went through to perfect this
act.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-R-0pvQqKg
Prepare to be amazed as you watch Magician and Illusionist Simon Coronel
perform what appears to be a really simple act but one that ultimately
left Penn and Teller fooled in the end. This trick is usually done using
coins and it’s much more difficult to perform using different colored
chips. Simon is from Melbourne, Australia and without a doubt he is one
of the best illusionists I’ve ever seen as his sleight of hand skills
are amazing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g2R4CIRZ34
Lance Burton was twice awarded "Magician of the Year" by the Academy of
Magical Arts. He was honored to have performed for President Reagan,
(during his presidency) and Mrs. Reagan, in Washington, D.C. Presented
to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, after a Royal Command Performance at
London's venerable Palladium Theatre. He has performed 15,000 shows
over the past 30 years. Possibly the most beautiful sleight of hand
magic routine ever performed for the camera. A masterful act by Lance
Burton at the Magic Castle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBj_Ifln-oo
Trained cook, professional magician and comedian Henning Nielsen gives a
hilarious, unique and perfectly timed magic performance at Denmark's Got
Talent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1bALq88tIA
---
...HaHA! Great! Thanks LouiseAU!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"This weekend France won the World Cup and they were led by
a 19-year-old prodigy named Kylian Mbappe. After the game,
Mbappe said winning the World Cup totally makes up for being
named after a Hanson song." -Jimmy Fallon
"The California home that was used for exterior shots on
'The Brady Bunch' is up for sale, and you know the three
most important words in real estate: 'Marsha, Marsha,
Marsha.'" -Seth Meyers
"Tomorrow is National Tequila Day. While the day after that
is National 'Janice From HR Wants to See You in Her Office'
Day." -Jimmy Fallon
"It's Shark Week. The Discovery Channel gets big ratings
every year for this. Meanwhile, do you know how many people
are killed by sharks every year? I looked this up today.
Five. There are five shark fatalities per year in the world.
We are deathly afraid of an animal that kills fewer people
than Tide pods." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A California town recently opened a drive-thru marijuana
dispensary, or as they're more commonly known, a Taco Bell."
-Seth Meyers
"Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers
in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying
driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says
the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would
have said carjackers." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math
problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has
no plans to expand to the United States." -Conan O'Brien
"New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his
ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute
as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would
have been weird." -Jimmy Fallon
"If you cannot convince them, confuse them."
--Harry S Truman
"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
--Mae West
"The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance."
--Socrates
"There are more fools in the world than there are people."
--Heinrich Heine
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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