A Trip To Home Depot And More... :) Shangy!
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================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
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week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If
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year! So Please - I need your help today!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This smoking hot new page is from our friends Linda and Geniann.
It is full of interesting information if you are considering
adding a pet to your children's lives or already have one. It'll
also give you your awws quota for the day. Be sure to check
this one out here...
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
Why Dogs Are Good For Kids
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsandkids.html
---
...So adorable and sweet! Thanks Ladies!
-<>-
*~* Last Month We Had A Tremendous Month Of Caring And Sharing!
>Be sure to View and Share all our newest pages:
Carnival Paper Sculptures!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paperart4.html
Beautiful Flower People!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerpeople.html
Love Caught On Camera!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovecamera.html
Beautiful Kea Parrots!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/keaparrots.html
Humor In Politics 18!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics18.html
When Sandman Attacks 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman3.html
Flower Art 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart4.html
*~* BIG HUGS, GOD'S BLESSINGS, And THANKS To All Our Contributors!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.,
. ____/__,
.' \ / \==\```
/ \ 77 \ |
/_.----\\__,-----.
<--(\_|_____<__|_____/
\ ''''/| ``/```
`. / | I|
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!!!!!!!
| | I |
| | I |
\ \ I |
| | I |
_|_|_I_|
/__/____| hjw
A young Native American lad asked his father, who was a wise man
and chief of the tribe, a question: "Why do we have such long names
father? And the white man has short names like Tom, Bob, or Sam?"
The chief answered, "The reason my son is this: Indians name their
young after the events that take place in their lives. For
instance, your sister is named Shinning Moon Over The Lake. On the
evening she was born the fall moon was full and shimmering over the
lake. And your brother is named White Horse On The Plain. When he
was born a majestic white stallion was galloping across the plains.
So son, you see that is why we Indians have such long names. Now,
do you have any other questions, Broken Condom Made In China?"
-<>-
,
\. /J ..---.. .-```-.
L`\ \-.__.-` L .-`` ``-. / \
| \ \ J .` _. `. J
J \ `\ L/ /` \ . \ \ |
| \ `, | ``-.o\ /_.-``\ L L
L `\ | J , `/\` , | J
J `\ / L /( `` )\ J |
| , `\ | `\`---.....--`/` | L
L | ` | \ (__Y__) / L-.-'
J |\ | `-.____.-` / __
| | \ |`. .` ( )
`-._.-` \ | `-.. ..-` `-`
`-.___.-` ``---``
NDT
>Rejections: The Female Way
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance").
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to go out with my dad).
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon).
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing).
6. I've got a boyfriend
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',
much less the same building).
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you).
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better
than dating you).
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you).
1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating
detail about all the other men I meet and make out with. It's
that male perspective thing).
-<>-
>Rejections: The Male Way
10. I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly).
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly).
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly).
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly).
6. I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly).
5. I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly).
4. It's not you, it's me.
(You're ugly).
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly).
2. I'm celibate.
(You're ugly).
1. Let's be friends.
(You're horibly ugly).
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
March 2 is Old Stuff Day
March 3 is Caregiver Appreciation Day, I Want You to be Happy Day,
If Pets Had Thumbs Day, National Anthem Day and Peach Blossom Day
March 4 is Holy Experiment Day and Hug a GI Day
March 5 is Multiple Personality Day
March 6 is Dentist's Day, Employee Appreciation Day, National
Frozen Food Day, National Salesperson Day and World Day of Prayer
March 7 is National Crown Roast of Pork Day
March 8 is Be Nasty Day, Daylight Savings begins at 2:a.m. and
International (Working) Women's Day
=======================================================
>-->From Mikey'sFunnies:
0=========================================================0
|'. FairyMarys .'|
| '. _______________________________________________ .' |
| | /\ /\.-. . .| |
| | '. ________| ` `.' .`. | /______________ .' | |
| | | \ `/ >>-' -`* - | | |
| | | / ,\ ' / | \ ____ | | |
| | | `-'`.:`. | | | | |
| | | > ,`. | | | | |
| | | /-. /.' `. |____| | | |
| | | / _> `- : |\_/| | | |
| | | /` / /-. |q p| /£ | | |
| | ,| / ((___/ __> ( 0 )"""\ __ | | |
| | \/` / } |"^"` | ;`'()__)| | |
| | |\ /'\ .--.( || /=\\ | `\:'.`,\| | |
| | .' -\\--\\-- \\--------"'" -'"""'---//--"//'. | |
| |' DS & jgs '| |
| .'------------------------------------------------ '. |
|.' PetShop '.|
0=========================================================0
A pretty lonely guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy
an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he decided on a centipede, which came in a
little white box to use for its house. He took the centipede home,
found a good location for the box home, and then decided he would
start off by taking his new pet to a restaurant to have dinner.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to
McDonald's with me to have dinner?" But there was no answer from his
new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then
asked him again, "How about going to McDonald's with me?" But again,
there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He
decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up
against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would
you like to go to McDonald's with me to have dinner?"
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm
putting on my shoes!!"
-<>-
>REMEMBER: SENIOR CITIZENS ARE VALUABLE
We have silver in our hair.
We have gold in our teeth.
We have stones in our kidneys.
We have lead in our feet and...
We are loaded with natural gas.
-<>-
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more
than jealous of his new baby sister.
The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting
older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.
"It's no use," Robbie said. "She's crawling good now and she'd
probably just follow us."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
.+.
@
/' \. .:
_______ )) ( _:::.__.'_
`:::::: ~ / ,\ .::'
:::::' \` \ .'::'
:::' ('.\ `-.. :.
__::'_______`-.\ ))::._
.'``::::::::: `-'~'
`:::' a:f
'
>SMILES
After being away on business, John thought it would be nice to
bring his girlfriend a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She
showed him a $50.00 bottle.
"That's a bit much," said John, so she returned with a smaller
bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," John complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said John, "is I'd like to see something really
cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
--------
My 8-yr-old granddaughter and I were talking about her new
boyfriend at school.
She told me his name and I asked if he was cute, she said yes.
I asked what color his hair was and she said blonde.
I asked about his eye color and she said blue.
I asked, "Nice dresser?"
She replied, "I don't know grandma, I've never been in his room."
-------
My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night.
Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the
stories for fun.
One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the
teacher was reading the story of the 'Three Little Pigs.'
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to
acquire building materials for his home. She said, "And so the pig
went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon
me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'"
The teacher then asks the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
My friend's son raised his hand and exclaimed, "I know! I know! --
'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'"
Apparently the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
--------
Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each
other. The first mouse says, "You know those little pellets
they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those
things. I eat 'em like candy."
The second mouse, not to be outdone says, "Oh yeah? Well, you
know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I
do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto
my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down I grab it
and do bench presses with it."
The third mouse says, "You guys are really a couple of tough
mice, and I'd love to keep hanging out with you here, but I
gotta go pester the cat."
-------
It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the
succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical
astonishment.
The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle,
plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the
corner where Anthony was kneeling.
Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small
voice lifted in wonder. "It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
-------
A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?"
The reply was, "Washington DC"
On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
-------
A definition of inflation:
What used to cost five dollars to buy now costs ten dollars to
repair.
-------
A man asked his friend if he could keep a secret.
"What is your secret?" his friend asked.
"I need to borrow some money," he replied.
"Don't worry, my friend," his friend replied. "It's as if I
had never heard it."
--------
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I
was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is
that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would
you tie my shoe?"
-------
A man got really drunk one night in his local bar.
The bartender refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he
should be heading home.
The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but
fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell
over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some
fresh air he'd be fine.
So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again.
In the end after falling over lots more, he decided to crawl home.
When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door
handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to
crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell
asleep.
When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him why he
was drinking all night at the bar.
He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained
his innocence until "...the bartender called to say you forgot
your wheelchair again...."
-------
A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning
while they are eating breakfast, The young woman sees her neighbor
hanging the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean", she
said.. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs
better laundry soap."
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, The young
woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the
woman was surprised to see a Nice clean wash on the line and said
to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I
wonder who taught her this." The husband said, "I got up early
this morning and Cleaned our windows."
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others
Depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
--------
My daughter's family, like a lot of busy families, eats out often.
When I was visiting them, I decided to make a special, home-cooked
dinner and asked my five-year-old grandson, "What's your favorite
thing to have for supper, Everett?"
"At what restaurant, Grandma?" he asked.
--------
A Mom was helping her son review his math while her daughter was
in the kitchen. "You have seven dollars and seven friends," she
said. "You give a dollar to two of them but none to the others.
What do you have left?"
From the kitchen her daughter called, "Two friends."
---
...No Doubt! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
________
_jgN########Ngg_
_N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_
d###P N####p
"^^" T####
d###P
_g###@F
_gN##@P
gN###F"
d###F
0###F
0###F
0###F
"NN@'
___
q###r
""
>Politics:
In all her years in Congress, Elizabeth Warren introduced 110
bills. 2 passed. Cory Booker introduced 120 bills. 0 passed.
Kamala Harris introduced 54 bills. 0 passed.
Bernie Sanders is truly special. He never held a job until he was
finally elected mayor at age 53. He lived off of welfare and four
different women had a child out-of-wedlock with one and the three
marriages did not work out.
In all his years in the Senate, he introduced 364 bills. 3 passed.
Two of those were to name post offices.
The Viet Nam war was escalating, and when the next draft was
announced, Bernie applied for a conscientious objector deferment.
His deferment was denied, so he dodged the draft by having a kid
out of wedlock in 1969 with his new girlfriend, Susan Mott, even
though he STILL wasn’t working, and had no way to support the child.
By the time his draft number came up, he was too old to be drafted
anyway.
He continued to subsist on odd carpentry jobs and unemployment
checks, and occasionally selling $15 articles, including the one
about how women fantasize about gang rape. He still refused to
get a steady job to support his child. His girlfriend left him.
In 1988 Bernie married Jane Driscoll and took a cold-war era
honeymoon in communist USSR. His new wife supported Bernie
financially through his many attempts to win a public office and
shared his radical leftist political views. They visited the
pro-Soviet Sandinista government of Nicaragua known for their
human rights violations, support for anti-American terrorists, and
the imprisonment and exile of opponents. Bernie blindly overlooked
the carnage to stand with fellow socialists. They traveled to Cuba
in hopes of meeting Bernie’s hero Fidel Castro, but access to him
was denied.
He’s a draft-dodging deadbeat dad, a globe-trotting communist
dilettante, and a petulant detractor of hard-working honorable
Democrats.
His one skill is yelling about how unfair the world is, and how
everything SHOULD be.
But he has no plans for how to make it happen, and no idea what
goes on in the rest of the world or how to deal with problems
overseas. His excuse for not having a foreign policy or national
security plank on his platform: “I’ve only been campaigning for
three months.”
Former employees and coworkers describe him as hostile and
belligerent. All of the Democrats in Vermont’s government
endorsed Hillary Clinton.
The people who know Bernie best cannot stand him. His supporters
cannot explain how he is qualified to be president.
"American freedoms are no more than one generation away from
extinction" - President Reagan
If you want to know what kind of leader Bernie is, go to Wikipedia,
it’s a long report...
Who Is Bernie Sanders?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernie_Sanders
---
...Thanks LouiseAu!
Bernie is an Independent and is why the Democrats try to get
rid of him. He is an advocate for reducing our military, the
Green New Deal and raising taxes on everyone to pay for it and
all his Government free programs. His leadership would bankrupt
and weaken the country making everyone except the rich live in
extreme poverty like they are suffering now in Venezuela. Why
anyone would vote for this old con artist is beyond me - Looking
for free stuff I guess.
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
.:::.
.:::. /:::::\
/:':':\ | _ |
| _ | | (_` |
| |_) | | ,_) |
| | | | |
jgs | | /`'---'`\
/`'---'`\ `'-----'`
`'-----'`
Vinegar, baking soda and salt. If you add rubbing alcohol
to that list (and maybe hydrogen peroxide) there is almost
no cleaning task in your home that you can't tackle. So
let's take a look at a few more cleaning problems that
can be solved with these cheap, simple, miracle products.
* Clean Cloudy Glasses
If you use your dishwasher regularly you have almost
certainly noticed the phenomenon of cloudy glassware.
There always seems to be a secret when it comes to
having sparkly and smear-free drinking glasses. Here is
an easy tip to let you in on that secret.
Fill a bowl with water and some white vinegar. Let your
drinking glasses soak in the mixture for about fifteen
minutes. Remove them and rinse. You should no longer
have cloudy glasses in your kitchen.
* Cleaning Greasy Kitchenware with Baking Soda
Greasy pots and pans can make doing the dishes a night-
mare. But there is always an easy way to get things done.
Sprinkle baking soda on greasy kitchenware. Add some dish
soap and rub the grease away. Baking soda is ever so
slightly abrasive, but won't damage non-stick surfaces
like a scouring pad would. Then you can finish washing
and rinsing them as you normally would. Works just as
well on plates and flatware.
-<>-
When it comes to cleaning, sometimes the devil is in the
details. You want to clean a shirt? You throw it in the
wash. You want to clean the stove? You pull out a bottle
of spray cleaner and a sponge. But what if you have a nasty
stain that won't come out or nooks and crevices that are
practically impossible to clean?
* Chalk For Getting Rid Of Grease Stains.
You will have a tough time trying to get rid of grease
stains on fabric. However, here is a handy trick to get
rid of stubborn stains without a challenge.
Use a stick of chalk and rub onto the stained area. Cover
the area properly with a thick layer of chalk. Let it soak
overnight to allow the chalk to absorb the grease. Then
you can wash and rinse like you normally would.
* Easy Window Cleaning Hint...
Tongs Wrapped with Micro-Fiber Cloth For Cleaning Window
Blinds
An easy way to clean your window blinds is by using a tong
wrapped with micro-fiber cloth. You will need two pieces of
microfiber cloth and a tong.
Tie both pieces of cloth onto the sides of the tong. You
can secure them with elastic bands.
While cleaning your blinds, use the micro-fiber wrapped
tong to hold a section and slide the tong along it. You
will be finishing up more quickly than usual, as the tong
will clean both the upward and downward sides of each
section at the same time.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hints:
* Clean Wood Utensils With Lime
Wood utensils can become easily dried out and splinter
when you use a lot of soap on them. That is so because
they are made of wood.
It is better to use natural cleaners to sanitize them.
Limes and lemons are great options, as the juice will
help to eliminate bacteria and won't dry out the wood
as much as regular soap would. If you need a little
abrasion try adding salt when you scrub them.
-<>-
Is there anything vinegar can't do?
* Clean Stove Burners
Dirty stove burners are a pain to deal with. But that is
just an inevitable task, as stove burners will always get
dirty one way or another. Here is an easy way to clean
them. Soak them in some water with vinegar for a couple
of minutes. The vinegar will help to break down stuck-on
food and gunk and make them easy to clean.
* Stove Knobs
Not all stove knobs are able to be taken off for cleaning.
A painless way to clean stuck food on stove knobs is to
soak some cotton balls with vinegar, and stuff them
around the knobs. Leave for about an hour, then use a
wet cloth to finish cleaning up.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Pompeo Reveals New Trump Admin Plan
https://tinyurl.com/ukango3
Chicago Ignored ICE Detainer On Illegal Alien — Now He’s Been
Arrested For Allegedly Abusing A Toddler
https://tinyurl.com/wsp33u5
Trump Admin STOPS Costly Project
https://tinyurl.com/yxxytzol
Vice President Pence Will Lead Coronavirus Task Force
https://tinyurl.com/tnbonpn
‘So Far, It Isn’t That Bad’: Man With Coronavirus Reacts To The
Panic Surrounding His Condition
https://tinyurl.com/t3vulvd
Trump To Nominate Rep. John Ratcliffe To Be Director Of National
Intelligence
https://tinyurl.com/tbnxzol
REPORT: Mega GOP Donor Buys A Giant Stake In Twitter, Seeks To
Replace Jack Dorsey
https://tinyurl.com/r6kyj5g
Christopher Steele’s Firm Touts Ex-FBI Official’s Dossier
Assessment, Fails To Disclose He Was Paid $4 Million
https://tinyurl.com/sqjsbsz
Former Baltimore Mayor Sentenced To Three Years In Federal Prison
https://tinyurl.com/scbbugz
Westwing News: Defense Secretary: ‘This is Our Chance to Bring
Troops Home from Afghanistan for Good’
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
TrumpWomenSaily: American Women's Town Hall w/ Lara Trump
https://tinyurl.com/woy3eso
TrumpWomenDaily: Update: Trump Women Speak at CPAC
https://tinyurl.com/raypkzp
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Cookie Dough, Medications, Furniture
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
When you hear scratching and shuffling noises coming from
your attic, 9 times out of 10 it's going to be squirrels.
Maybe once in a hundred it'll be raccoons. If you're really,
really unlucky it'll be a skunk. But nobody ever expects
to find a homeless person living in their attic.
When an Oklahoma homeowner heard a commotion in his attic,
he expected to find squirrels. Instead, he found a grown
man hanging out on a mattress. Before calling 911 the man
grabbed his firearm.
"The homeowner thought he heard squirrels in his attic.
And when he went up to investigate, there was actually
somebody that appeared to taken up residence in his attic,"
police reported. "Apparently, the residence has a staircase
that goes up the side of the house with attic access, so
that appears to be how the person got into the attic."
On the 911 call, you can hear the homeowner direct the
suspect out of the house at gunpoint.
Dispatch: "I want you to walk toward the gate and put the
gun down and unlock the gate."
Victim: "Okay, grab your bag we're going downstairs."
Victim: "Turn left here left!"
"He realized his gate was locked so he escorted him down
the driveway where officers were waiting," said police.
The squatter is now in the Oklahoma County Jail.
-<>-
*--- Explorer ends up trapped in Houston sewer ---*
Firefighters in Houston shared photos from the rescue of
a man who went exploring in the bayou and ended up trapped
in the city's sewer. Dylan Bryant said he was exploring a
bayou in southwest Houston when he ended up traveling about
100 yards down a sewer line. "I can't go back because of
how I had to scooch through," Bryant told local news. "I'm
in the middle of open raw sewage in this little bitty box."
Bryant shouted for help, and his cries were heard by a man
passing by a sewer opening on the street. "He was walking
by and he was like, 'Is somebody talking to me? Is somebody
there?' And I go, 'Hey man, down here!' Like something out
of the Ninja Turtles," Bryant recalled. The man had a nearby
woman call 911, summoning firefighters to the scene.
*--- Man seeks record with beer-only Lent diet ---*
An Ohio man said he is giving up solid food for Lent and
switching to a beer-only diet in an attempt to set a world
record. Del Hall, who made headlines in 2019 when he lost
44 pounds in 46 days on his beer-only Lent diet, said he
is planning to extend his fast to 50 days this year to set
a world record for the beer diet. Hall, sales director for
Fifty West Brewing Co. in Cincinnati, said he decided to
extend the beer diet after hearing about another man who
completed a beer-only Lent. "I don't think the extra days
are going to be a struggle. The hardest part is the first
few days," Hall said. He said he is hoping to set an "all-
time world record," but he is not yet sure if the record
will be recognized by Guinness World Records.
*--- 60-year-old surfer punches great white shark ---*
A 60-year-old surfer said he escaped from a great white
shark off the New Zealand coast by repeatedly punching it
in the eye. Nick Minogue of Auckland said he was surfing
at Pauanui Beach when a 10-foot great white shark bit the
front end of his surfboard. "I was just paddling along
and got hit on the side of my elbow and forearm," Minogue
said. "By the time I realized what was going on its teeth
were definitely latched on to the front section of the
board." Minogue said he decided to fight the attacking
predator. "So I actually shouted at it '[expletive] off!'
and got it right smack bang in the eye. It's quite a big
eye, about three knuckles across, and it's eye kind of
looked up and rolled up." The surprised shark let go of
Minogue's board, allowing him to paddle back to shore.
Minogue said he was lucky to escape with a shallow cut to
his arm. He said the shark's teeth made two punctures in
his wetsuit, but only one broke the skin.
*-- Dog reunited with family after being stolen by hawk --*
A Pennsylvania family was reunited with their dog 28 hours
after the toy poodle was carried off by a hawk. Deborah
Falcione said her 16-year-old dog, Porschia, who is deaf
and blind, was snatched of the home's upper back deck.
Falcione said she gathered a group of friends and searched
the area long into the night, but there were no signs of
the toy poodle or the bird of prey who grabbed her. "I was
crying my eyes out. She is my life," Falcione told local
news. Falcione said she was shocked to receive a call the
next afternoon from Banfield Pet Hospital saying they had
her dog. The animal hospital said Porschia had been found
by a neighbor about four blocks from her home. The dog was
cold and lethargic, but didn't have any broken bones. "How
she got away, I'll have no idea. How she survived it, I
will never know. But I know one thing: By the grace of God,
this dog is still alive," Falcione said.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend DanL :)
/|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\
/ | \ || |____________--"" ( |__| )
| ( ) | || | | \ /
| .-. | || | | |12|
]( 0 )[ || | | | |
/ `-' \ || | | | |
/ /' `\ \ || | | | |
| | | | |%%| | | | |
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| | | | |||| | | |14|
| | | | |||| | | / __ \
\ \ / / |||| | | ( | | )
`-' `-' `--' `-' \| |/
pb
>A Man's Age Determined by His Trip To Home Depot
You are in the middle of a few projects at your home: putting in a
new fence, painting the basement walls, putting in a new garden.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt and
paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit --
shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from
who-knows-what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of these projects you realize you need to
run to Home Depot for supplies. Depending on your age you might
do the following:
* In your 20s:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your
hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check
yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite
cologne because, you never know, you just might meet some hot
chick while standing in the checkout line. And yes, you went to
school with the pretty girl running the register.
* In your 30s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change
your shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else.
Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror.
Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the
smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to
someone you went to school with.
* In your 40s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough
to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different
shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute is almost
empty, so don't waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check
yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The
hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and
you feel weird about thinking she's spicy.
* In your 50s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat. Wipe the dirt off your
hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to
get dog crap in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror
and swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you
coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember -- the
hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I
Got Worms'.
* In your 60s:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat any more. Hose the
dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were
in your 50s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out
the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute
but you don't have your glasses on, so you're not sure.
* In your 70s:
Stop what you are doing. You wait to go to Home Depot until the
drug store has your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice
the dog crap on your hoes. The young thing at the register stares
at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your
crotch.
* In your 80s:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now
you remember you need to go to Home Depot. But you go to Wal-Mart
instead. You went to school with the old lady greeter. Where's
the restroom? You wander around trying to remember what you are
looking for. Then you fart out loud and think someone called your
name.
* In your 90s & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who
am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
---
...PH My! LMAO! Good One Thanks DanL!
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
|=| |=| |=|
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
|- -| |---| |---|
| | | | | |
|---| |---| |---|
|___| |___| |___|
============================
>What Are You Doing?
A blonde is over at this Coke Machine putting fifty cents in,
taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters
in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the
quarters in, taking the Coke, putting it in her pockets. After a
while she has a Coke in every pocket. She keeps going, stacking the
Cokes around her on the floor.
Finally, the guy behind her, getting mad, asks her, "What Are You
Doing?"
She responds, "Duh, I'm winning."
-<>-
>During A Concert
A band director was standing outside on a metal ladder during
a concert, when a thunderstorm broke out.
Amazingly, he wasn't hit by lightning, but the music was awful
- it seems he just wasn't a very good conductor.
-<>-
>Does It Work?
A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.
She asked: "Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
"Can you get it over the counter?" she asked.
"I can if I take two," he answered.
-<>-
>Why Did The Foreman Fire You?
Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why
did the foreman fire you?"
Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always
standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got
jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies:
Q: Why was the blonde staring so hard at the orange juice carton?
A: Because it said "concentrate"!
Q: What does a houseboat become when it grows up?
A: A township.
Q: What do you call a cow spying on another cow?
A: A steak out.
Q: Why was the sick man arrested in his car?
A: For Driving Under the Influenza.
Q: What are two things you don't eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
' __ __
:||: :||:
:||: ___ ___ :||:
:||:/~ ~-__ __-~ ~\:||:
: .\ .." :
\ _ -___ -___><___- ___- _/
|_)\_) \_) (_/(_| (_|
unknown
Q: What did one skunk say to the other skunk when they were cornered?
A: "Let us spray."
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
__________________
/\ ______________ \
/::\ \ZZZZZZZZZZZZ/\ \
/:/\.\ \ /:/\:\ \
/:/Z/\:\ \ /:/Z/\:\ \
/:/Z/__\:\ \____/:/Z/ \:\ \
/:/Z/____\:\ \___\/Z/ \:\ \
\:\ \ZZZZZ\:\ \ZZ/\ \ \:\ \
\:\ \ \:\ \ \:\ \ \:\ \
\:\ \ \:\ \_\;\_\_____\;\ \
\:\ \ \:\_________________\
\:\ \ /:/ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ/
\:\ \ /:/Z/ \:\ \ /:/Z/
\:\ \/:/Z/ \:\ \/:/Z/
\:\/:/Z/________\;\/:/Z/
\::/Z/_______itz__\/Z/
\/ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ/
My 10-year-old daughter has decided she is an
environmentalist. So she talked me into participating in
an aggressive recycling effort with her.
Last week she and I took what proved to be 134 pounds of
cardboard boxes to the recycling center and earned $1.34.
Counting gas and ice cream, we turned a profit of -$7.85.
We're going to use generally accepted accounting principles
and see if we can apply this amount to our taxable income.
-<>-
The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess
on the witness stand.
"And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your
husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the
fatal dosage, didn't you feel any qualms? Didn't you
feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was
about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?"
"Yes," she answered. "Come to think of it... there was
just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him."
"And, when was that?"
"When he asked for the second cup."
-<>-
My children have never been thrilled about taking naps,
but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual.
In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called.
"What's all the commotion over there?" she asked.
"Oh, nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance."
-<>-
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My
husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He
doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around
the house organizing things."
The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after
we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and
plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in
its place.'"
The first woman asked, "Did it help?"
Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."
-<>-
Some of my friends started a company built around an
innovative idea for an online business. A debate broke out
about what to name the venture. "We have to call it
Imagination," one passionate participant cried out.
Everyone thought the idea over for a minute, and then a
voice of reason replied, "Are you sure you want your
business card to read 'Imagination, Limited'?"
-<>-
,,,,
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A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday
when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and
quarters.
Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did
you get all that money?"
"At Sunday school," the boy replied enthusiastically. "They
got bowls of it!"
-<>-
__________________,.............,
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/,-', ,. -,-,--/|
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/,-' // /-| / /--/ /
/_/_/_/_/_/_/,-' `-''--' `' '--/ /
/_/_/_/_/_/_,:................../ /
|________,' -Shimrod |/
"""""""""""""""""""""""'
Anybody who says their wedding or the birth of their child
was the best day of their life has clearly never had 2
candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
-<>-
My friend keeps telling me, "Cheer up, man. It could be
worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of
water." And I know he means well, but...
-<>-
I hope when I die it's early in the morning, so I don't go
to work that day for no reason.
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
_____________________________
| |
| Johnny Carson |
| |
`-----------------------------'
(~~) (~~) (~~) (~~)
_)(___)(___)(___)(_
(~~) (~~) (~~) (~~) (~~)
_)(___)(___)(___)(___)(_
(~~) (~~) (~~) (~~) (~~) (~~)
_)(___)(___)(___)(___)(___)(_
| | | | | | |
| | | | | | |
||~~~~~||~~~~~||~~~~~||~~~~~~|| - Lester
`' `' `' `' `' AMC
>Quotes from Johnny Carson, 1925 – 2005:
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and
then having him catch his hand in the drill.
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn
and do nothing.
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in
what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner
peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you
will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in
the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The
most important question is: "Are you ready?"
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a
lot more willing to die.
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering,
you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call
it a day.
-<>-
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Normand Veilleux
>How to weigh less
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner ... as well as in
the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice
to see how much weight you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this
case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these
things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are
always five pounds off ... to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in
completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half
a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air
has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto
the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on
and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but
it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if
you'd stepped on normally.
GOOD LUCK
-<>-
AUCTION
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At the prestigious Aleph charity auction, bidding was intense and
cut-throat. The room was filled with scowling men and women, each
determined to exploit any advantage to out bid the others.
Without warning the auctioneer paused the sale and announced, "A
gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000 in cash.
If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $3,000."
There was a moment's silence, and then from the crowd came the cry,
"Three thousand five hundred!"
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
Baby Squirrel Finnegan
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/finnegan.html
Johan's Noah's Ark
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark.html
Darvaza - Door To Hell
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html
Cat Posters!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catposters.html
Rules For US!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html
Amazing Bike Car!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bikecar.html
Pictures To Ponder!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ponder.html
Eagle Vs Fox!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefox.html
Extreme Homes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html
Rollin On The River!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/river.html
Crop Circles 2009!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery2.html
Mule Vs Lion!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html
Adam In Paradise!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html
I Believe...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html
Leopard Vs Croc!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Best International Stage Magicians - "The Twins" - video
The most amazing stage magic ever - sawing a woman in half
using clear see-through boxes.
https://youtu.be/p2Wkg6I5RqI
---
...Sweet! Thanks LouieAu!
Laurel and Hardy - Carpentry
Laurel and Hardy demonstrate that comedians don't make very good
carpenters in this classic clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5adk_8_4JEw
---
...HaHAHA! They are a riot! Thanks LouiseAu!
Here's more of their calamities comedy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flm216VTf5s
-<>-
>From Our Friend Victor :)
This is sad...
Welcome to London's rental market, where $2,000 a month gets
you a bed beside the toilet
https://tinyurl.com/uuzvanw
---
...Very Sad! London isn't what it used to be. Thanks Victor!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
In technology news, the organization that oversees
emoji's has changed the lobster emoji after people in
Maine complained that it didn't have the correct number
of legs! When they heard about this, lobsters were like
"Thanks for fixing the emoji but while you're at it,
can you stop boiling us?'" -James Corden
"A new study from the University of Sussex found that
horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial
expressions. Yet another reason you should never play
poker with a horse -- and they never pitch in for the
pizza." -Stephen Colbert
"Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If
you want to stay competitive in the coffee business
you've got to consistently provide your customers with
new ways to make their orders more annoying." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by
the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it
could happen much sooner." -Conan O'Brien
"A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late
80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are
dead by then." -Jimmy Fallon
"A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after
the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That
doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV
with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
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http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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