A Visit To Doctor Clueless... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _______________________________________ |,---"-----------------------------"---,| ||___ 16 bit.................... || ||====\ :HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH || ||=====):H c> pb# H || ||====/ :H H || ||""" :H H || ||PORTFO:H H || || :HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH || ||_____,_________________________,_____|| |)_____)-----.| /I\ATARI |.------(_____(| //"""""""|_____|=----------=|______|"""""""\ // _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| \ // ___| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| | | \ |/ ___| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| ______| \ / __| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| _| ___| \ / _| _| _| _| ________________________| _| _| _| _| \ |------"--------------------------------------"-------| `-----------------------------------------------------' pb *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) These two are sure to amaze you. With camera technology now, we can see just how awesome God's creation truly is! These two pages highlight some of God's best in nature... This first scorcher is a mesmerizing one from our friend Sharon. If the birds don't get you, the video sure will! _..._ \_.._ `'-.,--, '-._'-. `\a\\ '. `_.' (| `7 || / .' | /_.-' ,J / \ || / ; _.. || | | /`\.-. .' _ `\ `\ \ | \_/__/ / /e)-,\ '. \ /.-` .'\ / | ,_ | /\ `;_.-'_.-'`\_/ / '-(-.)/ \_;(((_.-; .'--. \ ` .(((_,;`'. \ / `\ | _.--'`__.' `\ '-;\ /` | /.-' .--' '._.'\\ .' ; /__.-'` | \ | .'`-'_ /_.'))) \_\,_/ / -'_.'---;`'-))) (__.'/ /` .'` (_.'/ /` /` _|.' /` jgs.-` __.'| .-'|| | \_`/ ` Colorful Birds http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds.html --- ...So awesome! Thank You Sharon This second one is from our friends Linda and PatDeE. I've always been drawn to owls because of my mother-in-law. She collects owl figures so I always have an eye out for unique or beautifully made ones. She would love this page for sure! Make sure you watch the mind blowing video too! ,\--/, ,-,__ ------{ @ @ }-------------------,-,| |_/| ----------| \/ |-------------------| |`-/ | | ) ( | ,-,`-'_/ _/ --------------`W-mm-W'----------------| | _// / \ / /`-'/ _/| WW /___/ / | | | /| | |___|/ | | | | | -Ed Savage- | | | | | | Great Horned Owls http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owls.html --- ...I absolutely loved this one! Thank You Linda And PatDeE! -<>- *~* We Had A FANTASTIC Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month *~* Be sure to check these out and share them with all your loved ones! Got A Nanosecond 2? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano2.html Celebrities: The Long And Short Of It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities2.html Woman Cops Around The World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womancops.html Farmers Gone Wild! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/farm.html Play With Harley! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/harley.html Thoughts Action 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action2.html Life Is..2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis2.html Lion Cub Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionrescue.html True Fish Tale! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishrescue.html Maxine On Fall! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonfall.html Tricks For Treats #4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats4.html *~* Big THANK YOU And Huggums In Christ To All Our Super Contributors! ==================================================================== >-->From the FunnyBone: The Right Stop A woman got on a bus in Indianapolis. She told the driver she wanted to go to the State Capitol building. At every stop, she rushed up to the driver and asked, "Is this the State Capitol?" _______________________ / .-----..--..--..--..--\ After annoying the |)[_____][__][__][__][___\__ driver with the same | _ _ | -|- _ `\ question a dozen times, _( /.\/.\ | | /.\ [) she asked "How will I jgs `'---\_/\_/----------------\_/--' know when we are at the State Capitol?" And the driver answered, "By the smile on the my face!" =============================================================== *------- Bizarre November Holidays -------* November 1 is Plan Your Epitaph Day November 2 is National Deviled Egg Day November 3 is Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day November 4 is Waiting For The Barbarians Day November 5 is Gunpowder Day November 6 is Saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day November 8 is Dunce Day November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day ================================================================ >-->From The Mouth: ____ .-'& '-. / \ : o o ; ( (_ ) : ; \ __ / `-._____.-' /`"""`\ / , \ /|/\/\/\ _\ (_|/\/\/\\__) |_______| __)_ |_ (__ jgs (_____|_____) A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. * Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader * Strike while the... bug is close * It's always darkest before... Daylight Savings Time * Never underestimate the power of... termites * You can lead a horse to water but... how? * Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty * No news is... impossible * A miss is as good as a... Mr. *You can't teach an old dog new............ math * If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning * Love all, trust... me * The pen is mightier than the... pigs * An idle mind is... The best way to relax * Where there's smoke there's... pollution * Happy the bride who... gets all the presents * A penny saved is... not much * Two's company, three's... the Musketeers * Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose * None are so blind as... Helen Keller * Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded * You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box * When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way -<>- ____________________ | | | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP | |____________________| || ,-..'``. || || (,-..'`. ) || || )-c - `)\ || ,.,._.-.,_,.,-||,.(`.-- ,`',.-,_,||.-.,.,-,._. ___||____,`,'--._______|| |`._||______`'__________|| | || __ || | || |.-' ,|- || _,_,,..-,_| || ._)) `|- ||,.,_,_.-.,_ . `._||__________________|| ____ . . . . . <.____`> .SSt . . . . . _.()`'()`' . >Ways to Tell If You Have PMS * Everyone around you has an attitude problem. * You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette. * The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. * Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. * You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-###-####. * Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. * Inanimate objects get on your nerves. * You're counting down the days until menopause. * You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. * The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. * You dump the pretzels out of the bag, and eat the salt. While simultaneously eating a gallon of ice cream. * You cry at commercials one minute, and contemplate assault the next. -<>- ,-~~-.___. / ()=(() \ ( ( 0 \._\, ,----' CURSE ##XXXxxxxxxx / ---'~; YOU / /~|- =( ~~ | RED /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ /_______________________\ BARON! /_________________________\ /___________________________\ |____________________| |____________________| |____________________| W< | | >You grew up in the 80s if... * You've ended a sentence with the word "SIKE". * Girls.. you yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own. * You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. * You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. * L.A. Gear....need I say more? * You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard. * You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. * You collected "Popples", spent way too much time with "Light Brights" (you're singing the song in your head, aren't you?) and loved glow worms. * You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB". * You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds and (if you were lucky!) Chuckie Cheese. * You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets. * You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. * You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. * You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen...and still know the turtles' names. * You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel-air", and can do the "Carlton." =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Becky :) .-. | | |=| |=| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |=| jgs |=| |_| .=/I\=. ////V\\\\ |#######| ||||||||| ||||||||| ||||||||| Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!' 'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom. Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! ! . , , , , , , , , , , 'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!' ............ ........... ............... Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy.. Even these silly ....little cute...... And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!! Sounds to me like she's ........ ......been ....sweeping around!!! --- ...LOL! A Fun Classic! Thanks Becky! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) [POLITICS] >32 Month Report Card Note the sources of information at the bottom......much more reliable than Snoops! Mr. Hope and Change wants to create a nation humbled; humiliated, casting-aside capitalism and individual freedoms for one where 'we the people' are government controlled. This would be a system that genuflects mediocrity, steals personal aspiration and opportunity, and punishes those who strive to succeed. A gallon of regular gasoline the day Obama was inaugurated was $1.79 on average in the U.S. Today that price is $3.59, a 100.6% increase. The number of food stamp recipients has risen since Obama took office from 31,983,716 to 43,200,878, a 35.1% jump. Long term unemployment soared 146.2% during the same 32 month period from 2,600,000 to 6,400,000. Staggering 'hope and change' isn't it? American citizens living in poverty have risen 9.5% from 39,800,000 to 43,600,000, and the number of unemployed has jumped almost 25% from 11,616,000 to 14,485,000 as of August 31, 2011. The number of unemployed blacks has risen from 12.6% at the end of George Bush's term to 15.8% today, a 25.4% increase, and finally, our national debt is up 34.4% from 10.627 trillion to 14,278 trillion * Read The Full Of This Here... http://tinyurl.com/5so5qpe -<>- >Yea Florida, Governor Scott for President! Florida is the first state requiring drug testing to receive welfare! In signing the new law, Republican Gov. Rick Scott said, "If Floridians want welfare, they better make sure they are drug-free. Read The Full Of This Here... http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/f/Florida-Drug-Test-Welfare.htm --- ...Wow! Interesting Reading! Thanks Bunni! ==================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: {POLITICS] >From AFA: Girl Scouts now allow 'transgendered boys' to join Brownie troops http://tinyurl.com/3ly7h2c -<>- >From TheTeaParty.net The Tea Party Takes On The Liberal Media http://tinyurl.com/4272dq9 -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Sheriff: Time For Citizens To Arm Themselves http://tinyurl.com/42cmh24 -<>- >From PatriotNews: Government to Subpoena Obama's BlackBerry? http://tinyurl.com/44j3cun -<>- >From BizarreNews: *-- California man found stuck in tree trunk --* LAGUNA HILLS, Calif. - California police, responding to reports of someone screaming for help, discovered a man stuck inside the hollow trunk of a standing tree. The man, whose name was not released, had crawled into a hole in the trunk leading to a cavity about 4 or 5 feet underground in Laguna Hills, The Orange County (Calif.) Register reported Tuesday. Battalion Chief Kris Concepcion of the Orange County Fire Authority said only the man's head and arms were visible and it took 90 minutes to retrieve the equipment necessary to cut him free. Firefighters were called to the scene to check the man's mental health. "Why he's in a tree, I have no idea," Concepcion said. It is unknown how long the man was stuck in the tree, and he was freed without suffering any injuries, the Los Angeles Times reported. *-- Artist gives birth in gallery --* NEW YORK - A New York conceptual artist said she gave birth at an art gallery with an audience watching as part of an installation entitled "The Birth of Baby X." Marni Kotak gave birth Tuesday at the Microscope Gallery to a 9-pound, 2-ounce baby she dubbed Ajax before an audience of about 20 people, the New York Post reported Thursday. Kotak said the aim of the installation was to show giving birth is the "highest form of art." Kotak's husband, Jason Bell, said there has been some negative reaction to the installation. "There's a history of people who do stuff like this in art galleries," he said. "This guy shot a dog. This guy got shot by somebody in an art gallery. But this wasn't someone getting hurt. This was a positive thing." *-- Man suing for age bias says judge too old --* NEW YORK - A 60-year-old New York man suing a music competition for age discrimination claims the 88-year-old judge assigned to his case is "unable to function." Martin Stoner, a violinist suing the non-profit Young Concert Artists for only allowing musicians less than one-third his age, said he admits trying to get U.S. District Judge Robert Patterson, 88, off his case may seem hypocritical, but the judge is "slow-witted and unable to function," the New York Daily News reported Monday. "Judge Patterson could barely see unless he put his face almost on top of a document," Stoner wrote in his judicial complaint. "Judge Patterson should be removed from the bench, both because of his mental and physical limitations," Stoner wrote. "With all due respect, he may have been a very learned jurist in his day." Patterson declined to comment but colleagues defended his skills on the bench as beyond reproach. *-- Dentist plans Halloween candy buyback --* MANSFIELD, Ohio - An Ohio dentist said he is aiming to prevent cavities by buying back Halloween candy from trick-or-treaters at $1 per pound. Dr. Craig Callen said kids can bring their candy to his Mansfield office and receive $1 per pound, with a 5-pound limit, and free toothbrushes in exchange for their trick-or-treating loot, the Mansfield News Journal reported Monday. Callen said he will distribute as much as $1,000 and children who return candy will be entered in a drawing for two bikes. "Visiting your dentist twice a year and brushing your teeth are great preventive measures, but doing away with excess sweets would really give your teeth a healthy boost," Callen said. "Kids can have the fun of trick-or-treating, and now their piggy banks will benefit as well." "Plus they get a nice new toothbrush and a goody bag of gifts (limit one per child while supply lasts)," he said. ==================================================================== >-->From The Mouth: .=== / __) _ ( ||_.''. {_} ---- | =/ \ /' : /\_~/() \__.' ____ ---- |_ \ // |''''` |-'8, -- _ : |_ '-[]___/ '.....\--.O {_}'' .'\ // |':```` '...' /\\_/ `, //|\ '.._.' snd // // >Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School Courtesy of topfive.com 12. Lesson 1: A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in a bathrobe points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock yourselves out, Grasshoppers." 11. All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered bowling trophies. 10. Due to a misspelling of "Martial Arts" on the door, half the class shows up with vibrators and lotions. 9. Other students show up with sketchbooks. 8. Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful suspenders and co-ordinating ascots. 7. Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye can see", you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking going on. 6. The lesson keeps getting interrupted while the Master swaps french fry baskets. 5. As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor says "Class, name 3 things Alan did wrong." 4. You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve masturbating and throwing feces at your attacker. 3. You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar bills in your g-string. 2. Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving your lips in a seemingly unrelated manner. 1. At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you could just buy a friggin' gun." ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) [An Et-Ahem] \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >RETIREMENT BONUS If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humor impaired! The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.' It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer. The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Good Grief!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your testicles?'' The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''. I Love This Country! It's The Government That Scares The Heck Outa Me! --- ...LMAO! A great One! Thanks Johanna! ================================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: . .OO .OOOO .OOOO' OOOO' .-~~~~-. OOO' / (o)(o) .OOOOOO `O .OOOOOOO. / .. | .OOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO/\ \____/ .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO/ \\ ,\_/ .OOOOOOO%%OOOOOOOOOOOOO(#/\ /. .OOOOOO%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\ \\ \/OO. .OOOOO%%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\ \/OOOO. OOOOO%%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\_\/\OOOOO OOOOO%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\###)OOOO OOOOOO%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO `OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' .-~~\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' / _/ `\(#\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' / / \ / `~~\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' |/' `\// \\ \OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' `-.__\_,\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' jgs `OO\#)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' `OOOOOOOOO''OOOOOOOOO' `""""""' `""""""' After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "Father, what's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home." -<>- I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform. "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked. The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed." -<>- "This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!" I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was. "Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!" -<>- I was on my way out of the house to meet with a cantankerous client, and I was dreading it. The look on my face must have given me away because my five-year-old daughter asked what was wrong. "I'm going to meet a mean woman who always yells at Daddy," I told her. "Oh," she said. "Say hi to Mom." -<>- A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead. Furious at the factory's incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: "TURN THE PART OVER." -<>- When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please." When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them. -<>- AMC Voyager 2 ______ 0 (_ __) .-""""-. 0 ) (___/ '. 0 ( ___ : _) (__ \ .' (______) '-....-' *Things That Never Happened On Star Trek*.. 1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before. 2. The Enterprise visits a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right. 3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly. 4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new life- form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat. 5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well- stocked Enterprise sick-bay. 6. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive. 7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident. 8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads. 9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff. 10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial. 11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some chocolate. 12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. How- ever, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems. 13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction. 14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp ex- perience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century. 15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode. 16. Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious. 17. The warp engines start going haywire, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher. 18. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of one in three sentences that anyone says to him. -<>- My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said she'd phone back later. At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Marina had gone to lunch. The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day. May I take a message?" "Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?" ============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: : ;; / | / | .' : .-' ' _.-' / .-*" / _ .-' .' _.-*?' .' .' .-" .' __ .' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".' / \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .' : `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .' ; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+. : .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _( \ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_( `*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_( ; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" ( : \| SIGNS | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"' \ | | `----**"T"" " `+. | `. | FOR | ' .' : _.-*"*- | | / / ' .-*" _ | YOU | __..-'\ / bug "+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.' "" +----------------+ >Bumper Stickers * 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. * A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand * A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. * A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. * A man can rule the world, but he can't fake an orgasm. * Age is a very high price to pay for maturity * Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity * Bills travel faster through the mail than checks * Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused * By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends * Condoms are easier to change than diapers. Either that, or keep yer knees together. * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. * Eat well, stay fit, die anyway * Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. * For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program * Friends aren't priceless when they're using your VISA. * Going to a mosque doesn't make you a Muslim any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic * Half the people you know are below average. * Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now. * I think my voices could beat up your voices. * I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. * If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. * If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip * If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before * If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out * It is easier to get forgiveness than permission * It's a small world. But I wouldn't want to paint it. * Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it * Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it * Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places * My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance * Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. * No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes * Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious * Opportunities always look bigger going than coming * Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. * Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. * Shhh. Don't interrupt me while I'm talking to myself. * Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world * Sometimes I lay away at night and wonder: "Where have I gone wrong"? Then a little voice answers me: "This is going to take more than one night"! * Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate. * The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. * The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. * There is always one more imbecile than you counted on * There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. * Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator * Vuja de - the uncanny feeling you've never been here before. * When making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing. * When the going gets tough, the smart get lost. ============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** Keep at it: ** ~~~“It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.” ~~~--Albert Einstein ~~~“In the struggle between the stone and the water, in time, the water wins.” ~~~--Chinese proverb ~~~“Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” ~~~--Anon. -<>- ** "Do not pray for easy lives, Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, Pray for powers equal to your task." - Phillips Brooks ** Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry Van Dyke -<>- .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >** A Visit To Doctor Clueless ** ** "Well, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. ** "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. ** "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. ** "Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you. ** "Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. ** "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. ** "Let me schedule you for some lab tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab. ** "Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured. ** "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. ** "That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up. ** "This may smart a little." Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues. ** "This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works... ** "Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. ** "I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one. -<>- )\ _, | "^" ( (e a ) =-\Y -= T"^) _ / ( (( / < _ ';, ( ) ) \\ \ Y ' / )) || ; / // )| ( (__,** Putting the Cat Out ** A couple is going out for an evening on the town. When they are almost ready to go, the wife tells her husband not to forget to put out the cat. However, after a Taxi arrives and as they go out the door the cat darts back in the house. Not wanting the cat shut in the house while they are out the husband goes back in to get the cat as the wife goes and gets in the cab. The wife not wanting it known that the house will be empty while they are out explains to the cab driver, "He is just going upstairs to say good-bye to mother." A short time later the husband comes down and gets in the cab. He says, "Sorry it took so long but the stupid old thing was under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger!" -<>- >** Getting Organized ** The patient was adamant "I gotta see the doctor right away!" When he finally stood before the good doctor in an exam room he spluttered "Doc, I gotta have a kidney transplant, a liver transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung trans...." "WAIT just a minute" interrupted the Doctor. "Just tell me why you think you need all these transplants when you appear to be in good health?" "Okay Doc," the man slowed down briefly, "my boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized." -<>- >** My Mom's Rules ** WHEN I came back to the States after a tour of duty with the Marines in Vietnam, I stayed with my parents for a 30- day leave. Mom's rules were simple: I could come and go as I pleased, but I must let her know when I returned home each night. After one long evening with friends, I crept into the house and didn't knock on Mom's door. Late the next morning when I came down to breakfast, she glared at me with icy silence. "Look, Mom," I said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I got home safely last night, but what did you do all the time I was in Vietnam?" "Well," she replied, "at least then I knew where you were!" --Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Bill Bruckner Provided courtesy of Reader's Digest (http://www.rd.com). -<>- o#######o o###########o o#############o ################# ###### \########o '#;^ _^,/---\#####! ,` /^_ .-~^~-.__\# / ^\/,,@@@,, ;| | \!!@@@@@!! ^, #. .\; '9@@@P' ^, ###./^ ----,_^^ /@-._ ^--._,o@@@@@@ ^;@@@@@@@@@ ^-;@@@@ >** A Photo Touched up ** A woman brought an old picture of her deceased husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," said she. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat." -<>- >** Why Go To Church ** Coming out of church, Mrs. Hawkins asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is pregnant?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Hawkins. "And that dress Mrs. Jones was wearing," continued Mrs. Hawkins, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two! It was above her knees!" "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Hawkins. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Hawkins. "A lot of good it does you to go to church." -<>- ,////, /// 6| // _| _/_,-' _.-/'/ \ ,/;, ,-' /' \_ \ / _/ `\ / _/\ ` / | /, `\_/ | \' pb /\_ /` /\ /' /_``--.__/\ `,. / \ |_/` `-._ `\/ `\ `. `-.__/' `\ | `\ \ `\ \ \_\__ \___) >** The Challenge ** Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!" ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Microscopic http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/micro.html God's Bumper Stickers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html Men Will Be Boys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html Maxine Humor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinehumor.html In The Pink http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inthepink.html Albino Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albinobear.html Life's Little Opps! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops.html Odin The White Tiger http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html Koalas In A Heatwave http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : "Ionized" and alkaline water: snake oil on tap http://goo.gl/4mgbt --- ...Great! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Nextel Dance Party http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjpopo.htm No Fear http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjoppo.htm Bad Luck http://www.buffaloschips.com/fasd.htm Boogie Woogie http://www.buffaloschips.com/fsdjlk.htm Ford Police Chase http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfds.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: I was having some chest pains, but my cardiologist assured me nothing was wrong. Then I told him I was planning a cruise to Alaska and asked if he had any suggestions for avoiding the discomfort. "Have fun," he said with a straight face, "but don't go overboard." Most people would be angry if their company was bought and the new owners replaced them with their own people. Not our neighbor Andy. "You know how it goes," he said, waxing philosophical. "Every circus brings its own clowns." Following a blowout shindig the night before, a co-worker was looking the worse for wear. "Are you feeling all right?" I asked. "I don't know," she answered slowly. "I think I'm suffering from post-partying depression." "A team of British lawyers has now concluded that the Declaration of Independence was illegal, and the American colonies had no right to secede from England. Well, you thought our court system was backed up." -Jay Leno "A new study shows that monkeys can look at photos and recognize other monkeys they know. However, the study also shows that monkeys are terrible with names." -Conan O'Brien "A new study found that bacon and freshly baked bread are Americans' favorite smells. Yeah, this morning instead of putting on cologne, I just rubbed my neck with a B.L.T." -Jimmy Fallon "Road kill is now legal to eat in Illinois. It's part of their new 'Meals Under Wheels' program." -Jay Leno "I'm getting ready for Halloween. Today up at the house, we tested the electric fence. It's working." -David Letterman "I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest." -Jimmy Kimmel "Dogs in Britain are being trained to sniff out diabetes when their owners' blood sugar drops. They're great at it, but only when diabetes is in your crotch." -Jimmy Fallon "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." - Sir Winston Churchill "Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." - Peter De Vries "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." - Gerald R. Ford >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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