Abbott And Costello... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our long time Shangrala Angel, M.D. from MO! She has been stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with her sweet donations year after year! We sure do thank God for her and all our past wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ __ .' `'. / _ | #_/.\==/.\ (, \_/ \\_/ | -' | ,\ = / /| .-'|`-. __.' / | / | `-.__.' .-\ /-. | | { _/ \_ } | | `| | | | | '. | | .' jgs '-.| |.' `"` >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Well, we had a long Summer with advertising our new sponsors. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that it didn't pan out. I was hoping they would help with our Shangrala website expenses. However after displaying their ads over 130,000 times and having almost 400 people going to their online businesses, not one penny was generated for Shangrala. With the summer ending along with some of their sales and zero revenue made for us, I have taken down their ads off of over 225 website pages I had tried them on. It is discouraging to say the least. It took a lot of my time and effort to put their ads up and then take them down. I had tried sponsors about 10 years ago to help generate income with no success but I had hoped that they would be better now. Obviously not. This leaves us with over $500 short this year in paying for the website expenses. I still have resources up my sleeve to help meet these obligations but any donation you could send my way would greatly help! Thank you! :) ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,''@, |.~.| : - : \-/ .-|\_/)-. / | Y -- \ / /\o /\ \ \ \_|___|_/ / \_/ \_/ | _ | | | | ( | ) | | | Sher^ | | | |__|__| (__|__) Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs! -<>- A man walked into a lawyer's office and asked him what his rates were. "$50 for three questions," the lawyer replied. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied. "And what is your third question?" -<>- "It appears to be your record, Mary," said the magistrate, "that you have already been convicted thirty-five times of stealing." "I guess that's right, your honor," answered Mary. "No woman is perfect." -<>- When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" his mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 23 is Autumn Equinox - Fall begins!, Checkers Day and Dog in Politics Day September 24 is National Cherries Jubilee Day September 25 is National Comic Book Day September 26 is Johnny Appleseed Day September 27 is Crush a Can Day and Native American Day September 28 iss Ask a Stupid Question Day, International Rabbit Day, National Good Neighbor Day, National Hunting and Fishing Day and National Public Lands Day September 29 is Confucius Day and Rosh Hashanah ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >Classmates? While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 45 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "In 1962." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?" -<>- >The Gift My daughter loved the picture frame her five-year-old son bought her for Mother's Day. She found a photograph of him and replaced the cat photo that came with it. When he saw it, he became upset: "Why are you putting a picture of me in there when I bought you a picture of a cat?" -<>- >100 years Old One day at the long-term care facility where I work, we had a party for one of the residents to celebrate her one-hundredth birthday. The resident was quite somber as the party began, so I reminded her that this was her birthday party. I then asked if she knew how old she was. She said, "No, how old am I?" I told her that she was one hundred years old. She quickly replied, "Well, no wonder I'm so tired." -<>- >Promotion My husband had been promoted to a newly created position. He was eager to find out what his official title was, so when his business cards finally arrived, I was surprised that he seemed reluctant to show me. After some persuasion, he gave me a card, naming him Director of Product Efficiency. "Wow" I responded, "That sounds impressive." "Not really," he replied as he removed my thumb from the acronym underneath. It read DOPE. -<>- >House-Warming Gift Some neighbors of my parents gave them a apple pie as a house-warming gift. As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my mother had to throw it away. Ever gracious and tactful, she still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note. It read, "Thank you very much for the apple pie. Something like that doesn't last very long in our house." -<>- >Late to School A father told a friend how he had stopped his son from being late to school. "I bought him a car." he explained. "Now he has to get there early to find a parking place." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) `>.___ o-.--.-o ___,<' / `. / ,, \ .' \ { `.; ,__, ;.' } `._ }`.__.'{ _.' `,=."' `".=,' .' /`-.____.-'_ `, \_.';`-.______.-':`._/ `+-.______.-'' `-.____.-' / || \ ; ;; ; `-./ \.-' fsc >SMILES "Please doctor, you've got to help me! I've been stung by a bee." "Don't worry, I'll put some cream on it." "You'll never find that bee. It must be miles away by now." "You don't understand. I'll put some cream on the place where you were stung." "Under a tree in my garden." "I mean on the part of your body where you were stung." "It was my finger. The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts." "Which one?" "How should I know?" All bees look the same to me. ---------- A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered, "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded, "I've always wanted to do that." ---------- When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. ---------- A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the #$%$)@ out of all of you!" St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?" "Just a couple minutes ago..." ---------- Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. In due time, he did pass away, and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded him onto their rowboat. After a while Bubbles said, "Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?" Barbie slipped over the side. Finding the water only knee deep, she said, "Nope, not yet, Bubbles." So they rowed a little farther out. Again Bubbles asked Barbie, "Do you think we're out far enough now?" Once again Barbie slipped over the side and almost immediately said, "No, this will never do; the water is only up to my chest." So on they rowed and rowed and rowed, and finally Barbie slipped over the side and disappeared. Quite a bit of time went by, and poor Bubbles was really getting worried when suddenly Barbie broke the surface, gasping for breath. "Well, is it deep enough yet, sis?" "Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel." --- ...OH My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ~ ~ ~ w W w ~ \ | / ~ ~ ~ ~ \.|./ ~ | ~ ~ | ~ o ~ .:.:.:. | ~ ~ wwWWWww // ~ ((c ))"""(( //| ~ o /\/\(( (( 6 6 )) // | ~ (d d (( )))^((( // | o / / c((-(((')))-.// | ~ /===/ `) (( )))(( ,_/ |~ ~ /o o/ / c((( (()) | | ~ ~ ~ `~`^ / c ((( )) | | ~ /c c((( ( | ~ | ~ ~ / c ((( . | | ~ ~ / c c ((^^^^^^`\ ~ | ~ ~ |c c c c((^^^ ^^^`\ | ~ \ c c c(^^^^^^^^`\ | ~ ~ `\ c c c;`\^^^^^./ | ~ `\c c c ;/^^^^^/ | ~ ~ ~ `\ c c /^^^^/' ~ | ~ ~ `;c |^^/' o .-. ,' c c//^\\ ~ ~ ( @ `.`c -///^\\\ ~ ~ \ -` c__/|/ \|jgs ~ `---' ' ~ ' ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >A Job Interview Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a catapult shot from the carrier. Due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance. One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side." The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office. The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear." The Admiral threw him out as well. The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Navy Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?" To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses." The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked. The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one goofy ear. " --- ...Oh for goodness sake! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAU! -<>- ,()) _===_ )( .. . . == ()) b < 3 = "" \=| (#)>__/ [_]\\| //__/ /| // \ (_/___/ | \\___> |____| )_P#/ \' / | )_ |_| (___o' mMMMM >Some Thoughts for the Day * IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL - JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE. * RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET. * I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD, I'M 25 -- PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING * BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG. * I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK "REALLY”? -- THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?" * IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED. * MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD. * SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID -- AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM. * CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON. * I THOUGHT GETTING OLD WOULD TAKE LONGER. --- ...LOL! These are rich! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: .-'''''-. |'-----'| /`-.....-`\ | <_} | | .-\-. | _,._ | /# ` \ | __.-` `"""-. | \ / | ..--' `"-. `)_,._ \ '-'-' / (` )--.-"``` `"-.`'-----'` '-----------' ( ) jgs `-------------` >Food Tips: * Keep a well-stocked pantry of staples like pasta, rice, tuna, canned beans, canned vegetables, salsa, ready-to-eat sauces and hearty bean and pea soups so you can whip up quick and easy meals without going to the store for missing ingredients. * Base meals on planned leftovers. Consider doubling basic recipes in order to use the remainder in a new way the next night. For example, black beans can be used in burritos tonight and then pureed into a delicious soup tomorrow. Roast chicken or turkey one night can furnish the basis of a salad, soup or casserole the next day. * Buy and cook in quantity and freeze the extras. This can save you money now, by using foods bought at a good price, and save you time later, which really has a monetary value too! . ( ) ' . ( ( ) ,___________. | _________ | || ,### || || ####' %|| || ##` #|| || :### # || || '####/ || || ##` || || ###; || ||-_-_-_-_-|| || '###; || || '6#' || || ;#' || || ;#`#; || || #!' # || ||%____#___|| |___________| Taliszanna >Keep Skin Soft: * Oatmeal scrub. Take 1 tsp of finely ground oatmeal (available from health food shops) in the palm of your hand, mix with a little water and wash your face with the paste. Slightly abrasive and very cleansing. * Sugar Cleanser. Soap your face well and add a small hand- ful of sugar to the lather. Massage in for a couple of minutes and rinse with warm water. Great cleanser. * Cucumber skin tonic. Cut half a cucumber into chunks and liquidize. Strain it and you have a fresh and cool cucumber lotion. Use as soon as possible as it goes bad quickly. * Egg White Mask. Egg white is a really effective skin toner. You can use as is, or beat it to make it frothy. Either way, spread on your face, leave on for 10-20 minutes and rinse off. Tightens the skin and leaves it feeling smooth and satiny. It's ideal for greasy skin. If your skin is dry, add a tsp of oil and/or honey. * Avocado Mask. Mash and sieve an avocado and add a few drops of lemon juice to stop it discolouring. Add 1 tsp. honey, mix together and apply to skin, leaving on as long as possible. It counteracts the drying effects of the sun, softens, moisturizes and nourishes the skin. * If there are any leftovers you can always make a delicious guacamole! -<>- >Go Green' Hints: Cost-conscious cooks have found creative ways to use and reuse aluminum foil for decades. Line pans and baking dishes with aluminum foil to make cleanup easier, so you use less water. Reuse aluminum foil to clean and scour pots and pans instead of steel wool or plastic pads. You can also use aluminum foil to sharpen scissors and garden shears; simply fold a sheet six to eight times and make several cuts. Now, you can even purchase recycled aluminum foil from Reynolds Wrap. It's made from 100 percent recycled aluminum from post-consumer sources such as automobile components, cookware, gutters and siding, as well as scraps from industrial cable. According to the manufacturer, there's an 80 percent reduction in the amount of energy used during the process of turning recycled material into foil, compared to making it from new materials. -<>- Research shows antimicrobial ingredients triclosan and triclocarban are no better at washing away germs than those without it--and they may actually contribute to allergies, impaired reproduction, hormone disruption, and weakened muscles. Why not make your own DIY hand sanitizer to keep your hands germ-free all season long? Mix your own natural, non-toxic hand sanitizer out of essential oils, without alcohol, which makes it a good option for those prone to dry skin. Ingredients: -3 oz. filtered water -1 tsp. aloe vera gel -10 drops cinnamon essential oil -10 drops clove essential oil -10 drops rosemary essential oil -10 drops eucalyptus essential oil -20 drops lemon essential oil Instructions: Mix ingredients in a 4-ounce spray dispenser, and shake gently. Spray onto hands (3-5 sprays) and massage the spray into hands for 5-10 seconds. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Can You imagine the buzz in this little Ohio town Sunday? With a population of 9,782 Wapakoneta Ohio welcomed the President of the United States AND the Prime Minister of Australia! Wow! What a blessing for the home town of Astronaut Neil Armstrong! President Trump Delivers Remarks at Pratt Industries Plant Opening https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wifRRGpWWrk President Trump Participates in a Bilateral Meeting with the Prime Minister of Australia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9jjAfoAvnY Westwing News: President Trump Wins Big Ohio Manufacturing Investment from Australia's Pratt Industries https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Chicken, Infant Formula, Cookies http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: Impurities Found in Blood Pressure Medication http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: It seemed like the perfect crime. You have a few drinks, maybe smoke a little dope, and then steal a snake. Who would ever expect a person high on dope to steal a snake? No one, that's who. But no plan is fool-proof, as the perpetrator of this particular herpetological heist learned. Authorities say a New York woman who crashed her car into a Long Island fire house was found to be in possession of marijuana - and a stolen snake. Nassau County police say 22-year-old Sarah Espinosa, of Albany, was driving on Jericho Turnpike when she crossed the median and collided with a vehicle. They say she continued through the front door of the New Hyde Park fire house and hit two fire trucks. Fire personnel found that the small ball python she had stolen had wrapped itself around her neck. Authorities say the snake was stolen from a nearby pet store before the accident. Espinosa was arraigned on charges including petit larceny, reckless endangerment and driving while intoxicated. -<>- Did you know it is illegal to bicycle under the influence of alcohol in Florida? The couple in today's story were stopped after a police officer saw them weaving their bicycles through traffic. When he smelled alcohol on their breath he arrested them and stuck them both in the back of his police car. But that cop underestimated the heightened intelligence that comes with 8 or 10 beers. Because the man had an escape plan in mind, and step one was getting naked. This bizarre episode unfolded about 11:40 p.m. Friday night in Fernandina Beach, according to their arrest reports. A Nassau County deputy stopped the couple after they were nearly struck by a car they cut off. Smelling booze, the deputy placed both under arrest. Things took a sordid turn when the arresting deputy noticed the couple had taken their clothes off and were starting to have s in the back of his patrol car. When deputies opened the car door to intervene, the naked man knocked a deputy to the ground and took off running into the night. Deputies said the woman, 35-year-old Megan Lynn Mondanaro, grew violent as deputies moved her to a different vehicle. She was taken to the ground and later checked out at the hospital. The man, 31-year-old Aaron Seth Thomas, was later taken into custody after deputies caught up to him at a nearby Cold Stone Creamery. Deputies said Thomas' blood alcohol content was .145, which is nearly twice the legal limit in Florida. Both Thomas and Mondanaro were booked into the Nassau County jail on several charges including resisting with violence, unnatural and lascivious act, exposure of s organs, and driving under the influence. *--- At Least Her Fiance Knows She Swallows ---* A California woman who dreamed that she had to swallow her engagement ring to protect it from thieves woke up to find she really had ingested the piece of jewelry. Jenna Evans of San Diego said she had a dream that her fiance, Bobby Howell, told her to swallow her engagement ring to protect it from some "bad guys" on a high speed train. "When I woke up and it was not on my hand, I knew exactly where it was," Evans said. "It was in my stomach." Evans went to Urgent Care the following day, where X-rays confirmed the ring was in her stomach and was unlikely to pass through her digestive system safely on its own. "I was really happy because I don't know if I can look at it and appreciate it in the same way, if I had to search for it," Evans said. Doctors determined an upper endoscopy would be the best way to retrieve the ring, which was causing Evans stomach pains. The surgery was successful and the ring was returned to Evans' finger, but she said she plans to take it off at night from now on. Sounds like someone has some unresolved commitment issues. *--- At Least Her Fiance Knows She Swallows ---* A California woman who dreamed that she had to swallow her engagement ring to protect it from thieves woke up to find she really had ingested the piece of jewelry. Jenna Evans of San Diego said she had a dream that her fiance, Bobby Howell, told her to swallow her engagement ring to protect it from some "bad guys" on a high speed train. "When I woke up and it was not on my hand, I knew exactly where it was," Evans said. "It was in my stomach." Evans went to Urgent Care the following day, where X-rays confirmed the ring was in her stomach and was unlikely to pass through her digestive system safely on its own. "I was really happy because I don't know if I can look at it and appreciate it in the same way, if I had to search for it," Evans said. Doctors determined an upper endoscopy would be the best way to retrieve the ring, which was causing Evans stomach pains. The surgery was successful and the ring was returned to Evans' finger, but she said she plans to take it off at night from now on. Sounds like someone has some unresolved commitment issues. *--- "I can't believe I had an anchor in my head" ---* A freak boating accident left a 14-year-old Florida boy with an anchor lodged in his skull, and doctors call his survival story one in a million. "I can't believe I had an anchor in my head. Like, that's pretty crazy," Caleb Bennett said. "My friends now call me the 'Anchorman' so that's kind of cool." Caleb and his family were fishing on the Manatee River when the accident happened. "As soon as I got my hands on it, I kind of felt what it was, and I realized it was in my head pretty far. I just stayed calm. I told my friend, 'Hey, you need to call 911 or I'm going to die,'" Caleb said. He was flown to Johns Hopkins in St. Peterburg where he immediately underwent brain surgery. "I've seen arrows, I've seen bullets, but I've never seen an anchor, number one, and number two, I've never seen anybody with an injury like that walk out of the hospital almost completely neurologically intact. That's one in a million," said Caleb's doctor, Luis Rodriguez. Caleb says he eager to pursue a new passion; spearfishing. *--- Teen Starts Apartment Fire by Burning Love Letters ---* Authorities in Nebraska said firefighters responded to the third floor of an apartment building to put out a blaze caused by a woman burning love letters from a former lover. The Lincoln Police Department said police and firefighters responded to an apartment complex in Lincoln on a report of flames on the third floor. Police said there were no injuries, but the fire caused about $4,000 worth of damage. The apartment's resident, a 19-year-old woman, told police she had been burning love letters from her ex and fell asleep with the smoldering remains of the notes on the carpet. The woman said she woke to the smoke detectors in her home sounding. The woman was cited for negligent burning, police said. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >Holdup! It's a Stickup: Holdup man: "Stick 'em up or else." Victim: "Or else what?" Holdup man: "Don't confuse me - this is my first job." -<>- >Blonde in a Boat Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this, the other blonde replies, "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her." -<>- >Sitting For Too Long Two old ladies are sitting on a hard park bench for a few hours. One says: "I think my butt fell asleep." The other said: "Yeah, I heard it snore a couple of times." -<>- >Nail Biting: Two older ladies were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my George would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." "My Herbert used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth." -<>- (:;( :;;::.. .. ) ...::::.... .. ___________ (( :;;: ) ,'" . . "`.( :;; : ; ;;: ;;.:) .. ____,----'''""``-/ \ ; : ___ : ) . --=;"" ,-'"`'""`. . |_;; |,',' __`.;; ) .. `"""---.._____,(_,-. ,'"`. . j_`.)|;/ ,';;`.) ) _|o_,|o | /__\ /,--._ ' ) ::.. _,----'""" `._,' |';;;j (/ __ \ ) _ ,' . . |'`;; ,'o;`/| --=;'" `;=-/. . | ( ;-----;;;;) )j .. "`-' (____________,,---') . | j . l) o --._ l__ \/ \/ | j . : :. l . _ `-. \ . . . . |/ : ;. \ """"""' .. `._ |: .; . :;. \ `"----......._ . |; :; : ::;. \ . `. . |; ;; .: ; :;; \ ... .. j l:.; :; . ; :;.`. __ / \:: .;: : ;; :;. `. __, ```-----....._________________f ( . \ |__;:_______;,,,,--`-:: . . . . .....:::::::;;;;| \ | |;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::. . . . . .....:::::;| . ) j |::::::::::::::::::::.. . . . . . . ...:::| / / |:::::::::::::::::::: . . . . . . ...j / / |:::::::::::::::.... . . . .| . ,-' . / |................ . . . . . . | / , ,' . |. . . . . . . . . . . . | (_/| | l |. . . . . . . | V l_j\_) | . . . . | . V V. | . "Dino" . | | -=> Philip Kaulfuss <=- >Q and A Quickies: Q: What do you call a dinosaur in cowboy boots? A: Tyranosauras Tex. Q: Why did the student wear glasses in math class? A: Because it helps to improve division. Q: Why didn't horses like Theodore Roosevelt? A: Because he was a Rough Rider. Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks? A: Their nose! Q: What does the tooth fairy give for half a tooth? A: Nothing. She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth. Q: What did the dolphin say when he bumped into the whale? A: I didn't do it on porpoise. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ~; ,/|\, ,/' |\ \, ,/' | | \ ,/' | | | ,/' |/ | ,/__________|-----' , ___.....-----''-----/ jgs \ / ~~-~^~^~`~^~`~^^~^~-^~^~^~-~^~^ ~-^~^-`~^~-^~^`^~^-^~^`^~^-~^ At a boat rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?" -<>- A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him And the little boy said, "I'm not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." -<>- I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year." -<>- My sister didn't do as well on her driver's ed test as she'd hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: "When the ___ is dead, the car won't start." She wrote: "Driver." -<>- Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co- worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot." -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | >Marriage Definitions BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony. BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it. HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw. LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition. SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place. WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet. ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: _ |-| |~| |:| WINE AND CHEESE .'.'. / ::\ |_____| __ _ |:.:;.| <:__:> .-'o\ |_____| \ ::/ .o' O. o\ | ::| '..' |--o.--o--| | ;:| || |._._o_._.| \_____/ .''. '----' pjb >REAL SKILL...... There was a rich man who was deliberately hard on his farmhand. He gave him a bottle and said, "Buy me a bottle of wine." The farmhand asked, "How can I buy you wine with no money at all?" The rich man said, "Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money." After a while the farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the rich man and said, "Enjoy the wine, please." Staring at the empty bottle, the rich man asked, "There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?" The farmhand said, "Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine When there is none." -<>- When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local Motor Vehicle Bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him. "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway." -<>- ,;;;;;;, ,;;;'""`;;\ ,;;;/ .'`',;\ ,;;;;/ | \|_ /;;;;; \ / .\ ,;;;;;;| '. \/_/ /;;;;;;;| \ _,.---._ /;;;;;;;;| ; _.---.,_ .;;/ `.;;;;;;;;;| ;' \;;, .;;;/ `;;;;;;;;;.._ .' \;;;. /;;;;| _;-"` `"-;_ |;;;;\ |;;;;;|.---. .' __.-"```"-.__ '. .---.|;;;;;| |;;;;;| `\/ .'/__\ /__\'. \/` |;;;;;| |;;;;;| |_/ // \\ // \\ \_| |;;;;;| |;;;;;| |/ |/ || || \| \| |;;;;;| \;;;;| __ || _ .-.\| |/.-. _ || __ |;;;;/ \jgs| / _\|/ = /_o_\ /_o_\ = \|/_ \ |;;;/ \;;/ |`.- ` ` ` ` -.`| \;;/ _|;' \ | _ _ _ _ | / ';|_ / .\ \\_ ( '--'( )'--' ) _// /. \ \/_/ \_/| /_ | | _\ |\_/ \_\/ | /|\\ \ / //|\ | | | \'._'-'_.'/ | | | ; '-.```.-' ; | | \ ``` / | __ ; '.-"""""-.' ; __ /\ \_ __..--\ `-----' /--..__ _/ /\ \_'/\`''---''`..;;;;.'.__, ,__.',;;;;..`''---''`/\'_/ '-.__'';;;;;;;;;;;,,'._ _.',,;;;;;;;;;;;''__.-' ``''--; ;;;;;;;;..`"`..;;;;;;;; ;--''`` _ .-. /,;;;;;;;';;;;;;;;;';;;;;;;,\ _.-' `\ .' /_ /,;;;;;;'/| ;;;;;;; |\';;;;;;,\ `\ '-'| / ) /,;;;;;',' | ;;;;;;; | ',';;;;;,\ \ .'-./ `'-..-' /,;;;;',' | ;;;;;;; | ',';;;;,\ `"` | ;;;',' | ;;;;;;; | , ', ;;;'| _\__.-' .-. ; ;;;;;;; ; |'-. '-.__/_ / .\ ( ) \';;;;;'/ | | /. \ \/_/ (` `) \';;;'/ '-._| \_\/ '-/ \-' '._.' ` """ /.`\ \|_/ jgs >Abbott And Costello: Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbott: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbott: That's great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium III, with 128 Gigs of RAM, a 12.1 Gig hard drive, and a 48X CD-ROM Abbott: That's terrific, Lou Costello: But I don't know what any of it means! Abbott: You will in time. Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you. Abbott: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbott: Well, I don't know... Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. Abbott: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know? Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbott: That's true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then... Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off. Abbott: I know, you press the Start button... Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. OFF. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do. Abbott: I did. Costello: When? Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button. Costello: Why should I press the Start button? Abbott: To shut off the computer. Costello: I press Start to stop ? Abbott: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer. Costello: I knew it! So what do I press. Abbott: Press Start Costello: Start what? Abbott: The Start button. Costello: Start button to do what? Abbott: Shut down. Costello: You don't have to get rude! Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant. Costello: Then say what you mean. Abbott: To shut down the computer, press... Costello: Don't say, "Start!" Abbott: Then what do you want me to say? Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop. Abbott: But that's what you do. Costello: OK! I am starting this conversation right now. ..........Good-bye. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) It's A Dogs World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsworld.html Beautiful Africa!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beautifulafrica.html Dog Logic!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doglogic.html Says It All!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saysitall.html Modern Toilet!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moderntoilet.html Elephant Hotel!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elhotel.html Hiking In China!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html Highway To Hell!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dirt.html Strange Buildings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html Life's Little Opps 14!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops14.html Menu Bloopers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menubloopers.html Over The Limit!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit.html Pet Confessions!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petconfessions.html Cat Owner Tips!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html Only ONE Job 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html Only In Australia!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html IRONIC Isn't It 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony2.html Humor With Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html Morons at Work 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork3.html One Of Those Days!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html Dog Day Afternoon!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogday.html Chinese Olympic Cuisine! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/olympic.html Little Help Please! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/helpplease.html FALL/HALLOWEEN Index! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) GM electric car push could mean fewer and lower paying jobs https://www.abc12.com/content/news/561045121.html --- ...Hope not! Thanks Victor! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Magician Chris Hannibal demonstrates some wonderful sleight of hand skills as he explains what the Second Oldest Trick is. I was so captivated by his skills and sense of humor that I’m not even sure I caught what the First Oldest Trick is. I was entertained by his cups and balls routine with the miniature soccer balls but the ending to his performance was simply brilliant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XoCvn4fnXw --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAU! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Target announced that it will hire 100,000 seasonal employees during the holidays. Ten of them will be on the register; the rest will wander around saying, 'I don't work in this department.'" -Jimmy Fallon "The governor of California is working on a plan to build two tunnels that will bring water to Southern California. Of course, it's California, so one tunnel is for flat water, the other sparkling with lime." -Conan O'Brien "McDonald's is unveiling something called a Nutella burger at its locations in Italy. This goes against the traditional way of eating Nutella, which is with two fingers in the dark while crying at 3 a.m." -James Corden "The government has unveiled a new website that predicts your financial worth after graduating college. It doesn't give you a number, just tells you which Starbucks you'll be working at and for how long." -Conan O'Brien "A math blogger says he's figured out 'the world's favorite number.' It turns out that it's 7. The least popular number? The fake phone number you get when you tell a girl you're a math blogger." -Jimmy Fallon "A pair of Ohio teens were caught this weekend using a beer bong to drink full two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew. It's a rare case where the punishment is the crime." -Seth Meyers "Starting today, all the Democratic presidential candidates are visiting the Iowa State Fair. This is that very stupid time in American politics when the presidential hopefuls have to impress Iowans by posing next to a farm animal sculpted out of butter." Jimmy Kimmel "A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said, 'We has your son.'" -Conan O'Brien "Thanks to our trade war with China, stocks have been up and down, and I saw that Apple lost almost $50 billion. Then every customer with a missing AirPod was like, 'Sucks losing something, doesn't it?'" -Jimmy Fallon Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious. -- Alan Minter He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it - you can see it all over their faces. -- Ron Atkinson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************