Accident Report And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ , , /| |\ / | | \ | | | | Neeaah, Whats up Doc !?! \ | | / \|w|/ / /_ _\ / , /\ _:()_():_ /] ||_ : ._=Y=_ : / / [)(_\, ',__\W/ _,' / \ [) \_/\ _/'='\ /-/\) [_| \ \ /// \ '._ / / :; \ \/// / | '` / ;:: \ `|: : |',_.' """ \_|: : | |: : |'". /`._.' \/ / /| / | \ / / '. '. / '. ' / \ \ / / \'=, .----' / \ (\__ snd (((____/ \ \ ) '.\_) *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) We have a sizzling hot one here! This one is a funny one from our friend Sandi. I combined two of her forwards. It is one that has almost all of my favorite ladies in it. This one took about twice as long for me to do, but I loved programming it! Be sure to check out the videos! _.---.( ..--._) (_.' `''-.'` `'. / / \_) (_| _,.-'""'-,-'""'-.,_ | \ /.--' '--.\ /_) ,__\ ) (_(_( )_)_) ) /__, \ (_, ( o) ( o) / / `--.-` '-' c '-' `-'-` (O\ (O) '-.....__w__.....-' .-' '-. / , .--. .--._ \ / / ( \/ )`\ \ / / \ \ / \ \ \ \ \ | ( / / `\ `. \/ \ /\\/ `.//.' '-; | |/ \/ / \ ,_/ _,--,_ __,--,_ \_, `--' \ ``| / '--' `. |===/ > | | / | | | | | | Y / \ / / | /| / jgs / / / | /=/ |=/ `"` `"` Ladies Unleashed! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html --- ...Full Of SMILES! Thanks Sandi! ============================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: _.._ /` `\ | | Ice Cream Is Good For The Soul \._ _./ / `""""` \ | | Last week I took my children to a restaurant. \._ _./ My six-year-old son asked if he could say \ `""""` / grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is \## / good. God is great. Thank You for the food, \### / and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us jgs \##/ ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice \/ for all. Amen!" Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream. Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart." Then in a theatrical whisper he added, indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing, "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes." Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already." ================================================================= +---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+ GEORGIA It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fightin'" words. In Kennesaw, every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind. In Atlanta, one man may not be on another man's back. Signs are required to be written in English. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _ _ ( ).---.( ) ./.="'"=.\. |=. .=| |_ 0 0 _| .` .---. '. : `---' : `._ '---' _.' _:-----:._ /={ }=_\ /_.{ }-_=\ |=|{ }=|-| |=|{ }-|=| \|{ }_|/ |{ } | |{ }=| |{ } =\ |`. .'=|`\ jgs |_=`|'`=_|`\`\ .'`. __|_=_|=___| `\`\_/./`' (((__(((_____) `.__/ >The golf bet A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) _ __ / \Y \ __/______\__ `~~// 6 6\~~` C 7 | \ '='/ \__/ /\ |\ .-`\_\_//\ /-. `|o |\ __ | | | | \ |\/ / | | |o | \ /`\_/ | | | | Y / | | |o |\ / \ \ | | `--' \ \__|o_| `\ /I=[]=| >Texas Humor A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING. THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN HE DIED. HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE. Sorta brings a tear to your eye, don't it? -<>- / .- |/,-'` _.-'''-._ _.;.--._.--.;._ .oOo0Oo./( O / \ O )\ ` _oOoOoO0o '-' '-' ; _//|||||||| (_) | / __)|||||| . . | | __)|||||| `-.___.-' | .-. _ | ___)|||||| \.-./ ; | | / | |~~\\|||||||\ `-` / __| |/ /_ | |`====;__'._ _.'__ (_ _) \ /\"""""/\ `\ `| .'` '----------.`-`\^/`-`. \ |~~| | /~\ |`\ \ | | | |\| | \ `y | jgs | |\| | \ / | |\| | '.__.' |___|\|___| |===\_/===| | | | L | | | | | | | < < | | | | |____|____| .---' / \ / /| | '.______.' | | | | \__/ >THE DRUNK Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get. A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door. His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband." The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?" -<>- >Walk with me by the water - Very nice! | \ _ / -= (_) =- / \ _\/_ | //o\ _\/_ _ ___ __ _ __ __ _ _ _ _ _ __ __ _ | __/o\\ _ =-=-_=-=-_=-=_=-_=_=-_=-_-_=_=-= _=_=-=_,-'|"'""-|-,_ =- _=-=-_=- _=-= _--_ =-= -_=-=_-=_,-" | =- =- =-= =- = - -===- -= -= ." jgs Walk with me by the water, well worth the read! Try not to choke up.... Continues below.... . . . I really think you will enjoy this, it is so ... it's just hard to put into words... . . . A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER... | \ _ / -= (_) =- / \ _\/_ | //o\ _\/_ _ ___ __ _ __ __ _ _ _ _ _ __ __ _ | __/o\\ _ =-=-_=-=-_=-=_=-_=_=-_=-_-_=_=-= _=_=-=_,-'|"'""-|-,_ =- _=-=-_=- _=-= _--_ =-= -_=-=_-=_,-" | =- =- =-= =- = - -===- -= -= ." jgs . . . SHUCKS!!! I forgot what it was ... --- ...LOL! Thanks Sandi! ====================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News :) >Huckabee Condemns Christian Church Renting Space to Muslims * February 19th, 2011 7:36 pm ET Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee has spoken out against an American church for leasing space to Muslims for prayer. The church made the decision due to the lack of space at the local mosque. Speaking on Fox News’ Fox and Friendly morning program, Huckabee expressed dismay and asked in opposition, “Should the church be rented out to show adult movies on the weekend?” Huckabee prefaced with the caveat of respecting "the autonomy of each local church" to make its own decisions, but added, "you just wonder, what are they thinking? If the purpose of a church is to push forward the gospel of Jesus Christ, and then you have a muslim group that says that Jesus Christ and all the people that follow him are a bunch of infidels who should be essentially obliterated, I have a hard time understanding that." He concluded by stating that his Christian duty prohibited the offering of "my home or my place of worship to praise something other than Jesus." Read the Rest Here: http://tinyurl.com/45gy5w5 --- ...My Two Cents... I, like Huckabee, totally condemn this. It outrages me. I can relate to how my Lord Jesus Christ must of felt when he found them selling their wares in the church... Matt.21: [12] And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, 1 John 2: [22] Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son. Why open God's house to those who kill Christians and deny Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son Of God? This is not religious tolerance it is sacrilegious. Not only are they opening God's house to them but they do so knowing they will be praying to their god who is not the God and Father of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ! Next they will be giving Satanists a place to worship! My son just brought up an article to me that there are almost 12,000 abandoned and foreclosed homes in a city close to us. I am sure these Muslims could find another place to pray. -<>- [Politics] >From Our Friend PatDeE :) The Truth About Islam... Only two blacks were newly elected to congress this cycle, and both are Republican. LTC West is from southern Florida, a bastion of the Democratic Party. He won in a walk. It is worth the viewing. This new Congressman was an extremely popular commander in Iraq . He was forced to retire because during an intense combat action a few of his men were captured. At the same time his men had captured one of the guys who were with the Iraqis who captured his men. Knowing that time was crucial and his interrogators were not getting anywhere with the prisoner LTC West took matters into his own hands. He burst into the room and demanded thru an interpreter that the prisoner tell him where his men were being taken. The prisoner refused so LTC West took out his pistol and placed it into the prisoner's crotch and fired. Then the LTC told the prisoner that the next shot would not miss. So the prisoner said he would show where the American service members were being taken. The Americans were rescued. Some one filed a report on incorrect handling of prisoners. LTC West was forced to retire. COL West was just elected in November 2010 to Congress from Florida . During the elections he was part of a panel on how to handle or how to relate to Muslims. You will see his answer here. Here is one of the new congressmen from Florida explaining very definitively in just over a minute the truth about Islam. Please watch and if you agree; please forward it to your friends, if you disagree, please hit the "delete" button. http://secure.afa.net/afa/activism/takeaction.asp?id=384 -<>- >From Campaign for Liberty: $14 trillion missing? I hope you join me in my firm conviction that now is the time to fight back against the out of control Federal Reserve and continued Wall Street plundering of our tax dollars. I've prepared a petition for you. Please sign it immediately, so we can begin our battle against the Fed by passing a TRUE AUDIT THE FED BILL! http://www.chooseliberty.org/auditfed2.aspx?pid=sb01 -<>- >From BizarreNews: [AN ET-AHEM] We've discussed weird foods in Bizarre News before. There was the bull testicle festival in Montana and the turkey testicle festival in Illinois. We've talked about deep fried tarantulas and chilled monkey brains, but in New Zealand, at this year's Wildfoods Festival in the South Island town of Hokitika, they have taken things to a whole new level. The festival began 22 years ago as a way of allowing city folks to "get out of their comfort zone" and sample foods enjoyed by rural dwellers in the "outback" as they call it. Foods like raw scorpions, chocolate-covered beetles and deep-fried grubs, as well as more mainstream staples such as venison and wild boar. But this year for the first time New Zealand epicures will be able to satisfy their appetite for the unusual with shots of horse semen. This little delicacy is the brain child of racehorse breeder Lindsay Kerslake. "The idea is you'll have as much zizz as a stallion for a week afterwards," said Lindsay. I'm not sure what zizz is, but if it's what I think it is then Lindsay might have a problem! He said the shots being sold at this year's festival would taste like a milkshake and be washed down with an energy drink chaser. So you won't have to deal with the salty taste the shots will be available in vanilla, strawberry and chocolate. -- $50K art project tossed by city workers -------- ALBUQUERQUE - Albuquerque officials said a $50,000 work of art believed to have been stolen was actually thrown out by city employees. Mayor Richard Berry's office said Monday the fiberglass sculpted cactus, created by an artist and students participating in a Working Classroom Inc. program funded by the city, had been stolen, but a pair of Parks and Recreation employees came forward Tuesday to say it had been thrown out after being vandalized, KRQE-TV, Albuquerque, reported Thursday. "There are just layers of tragedy here," said Nan Elsasser, executive director of Working Classroom. "First of all, who would vandalize it and for what purpose. And then who would make this decision to cart off a piece of art and throw it in the dump. That's just unfathomable to me." City spokesman Chris Ramirez said the employees did not know the item was a public art project when they made the decision to have it taken to a landfill. He said city employees will receive a memo about the more than 650 public art projects installed around the city. -- Drunk driver came to pick up drunk driver ----- MALMO, Sweden - Police in Sweden said a man who drove to the police station to pick up a friend who was arrested for drunk driving also was arrested for the same crime. Malmo police said the 28-year-old man, who was charged Tuesday with aggravated drunken driving, drove to the police station late at night to pick up his friend, who was arrested earlier in the day on a drunken driving charge, and a guard inside the facility suspected he had been drinking, The Local reported Thursday. The guard alerted a nearby police officer, who administered a breath test and determined the man's blood alcohol content was well over the legal limit for driving. "I didn't feel drunk, but I had been drinking, so it was unnecessary and poorly thought out," the Skanska Dagbladet newspaper quoted the man as saying after the September 2010 incident. Police said the man had driven the same car his friend was driving at the time of his arrest. -- Apartment tenants want privacy wall gone --------- NEW YORK - Residents of a New York apartment building said their neighbors erected a four-story privacy wall that building tenants can touch from their windows. The tenants of the building in the College Park neighborhood of the city's Queens borough said the residents of a neighboring house put up a four-story metal wall that blocks light and air from their apartments, the New York Post reported. One tenant, who gave his name as William, said house residents Donald, Charles and Carol Weidel erected the wall to protect their frequent parties from prying eyes, the report said. "They do parties in the summer and they don't like for people to see what they're doing," William told the Post. CPY Realty, which owns the apartment building, said it is seeking to have the courts force the homeowners to tear down the wall and pay $2 million in damages. -- Woman finds tooth in candy bar -------------- BROWNSBORO, Texas - A Texas woman said she bit into a Milky Way candy bar and found a tooth with a silver filling in the candy. Sue Calhoun of Brownsboro said she brought the candy bar and a Coca-Cola along for the ride to Dallas with her husband to pick up a new tractor on New Year's Day and she noticed something strange about the chocolate bar, KLTV, Tyler, Texas, reported. "I took one bite and it was fine, so I took another bite and bit down on something and thought, 'Well, it may be a peanut,'" Calhoun said. "I thought, 'Well, Milky bars don't have peanut or any kind of nuts in it," she said. "I looked at it and I thought, 'Oh, gosh! Gross! How terrible! (It's a) tooth!'" Calhoun said she called Mars Candy, manufacturers Milky Way, about the find. "She (a Mars representative) said, 'I'm going to send you a package to send the tooth and the candy back in.' But, I'm not real sure I'm going to send it back to them or not because they could keep the evidence and I'm not sure if I would ever see it again," she said. Calhoun said she is planning to have her local dentist examine the tooth. ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ___ __..--"".--.`""--..__ _..--" _.--/ \''--. "--.. .' .--. '-..-' ) (``\ '. | .--''/ \-'''-. __.-' _.' ) | ;\ ( '-..-' ) _.-' _.-' /; \'-:-._ _.._.-''` ( ,.-' _.-'/ '-._ ``--`..___ __:.--''``_.-' jgs ``--..___ ````` __..--`` ````````` I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. -<>- One day my young daughter and I were listening to an old tune by Simon and Garfunkel. When the song finished, she asked me, "Well, did he?" "Did he what?" "Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?" she asked. -<>- As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20% off sale. "I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something." she suggested. "I don't have a girlfriend," I answered. "No girlfriend?" @@@ // \\ / \_/ \ / ./_(-.\ ( / \\ )|| @/ // ) / @>@<@/ ( '-.;)@\ \.-' | | | | | | | `'. | `'-. / '-.. | . .. '-.__ jgs |.' .' .'.'__;.--'--.-' `"-----'"` "No, my wife won't let me." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- A man in Alabama had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tare." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand that neither." -<>- ____ /\\ \ __// \\ \____ /\ // \\ /\ \ //\\/ ' ' \//\\ \ // '\\ ' ' // \\___\ | ' ' ' ' ' ' |. .| | ' ' ' ' ' ' |. .| | ' ' '_' ' ' |. .| | ' ' / \ ' ' |. .| jgs |_'_'_|#|_'_'_|_.-' >Accident Report... I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient: I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collar- bone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind. | | |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| |=| jgs |=| |_| I let go of the rope! -<.- One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!" ============================================================ >-->From TheMouthPiece: | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ >Top Ten Things Overheard During the Steelers-Packers Game 10. "Here to sing the national anthem, global warming genius Al Gore" 9. "It's minus 3 degrees, but it's a dry cold" 8. "Hard to pass the ball when your hands are frozen to the center's butt" 7. "Packers tight end looks suspiciously like a polar bear" 6. "I'm glad I spent the extra money on the fleece-lined cheese hat" 5. "The referees will be officiating the second half from the hotel" 4. "Screw the game, let's keep huddling" 3. "No number 3 -- writer got frostbite" 2. "It's still warmer than the Ed Sullivan Theater" 1. "Is that the temperature or Obama's approval rating?" ============================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: o . _ . . (_) o o ____ _ o _ ,-/ /))) . o (_) . (_) \_\ ( e( O _ o \/' _/ ,_ , o o (_) . O _/ (_ / _/ . , o o8o/ \\_/ / ,-. ,oO8/( -TT o8o8O | } } / / \Oo8OOo8Oo|| O Oo(""o8"""""""""""""""8oo""""""") _ `\`' `' /' o (_) \ / _ . O \ _ / (_) o . `-. .----<(o)_--. .-' --------(_/------(_<_/--\_)--------hjw >The Bathtub Test It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" -<>- >Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota: If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, You might live in Minnesota. If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, You might live in Minnesota. If you have ever refused to buy something because it's 'too spendy', You might live in Minnesota. If the local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, You might live in Minnesota. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, You might live in Minnesota. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, You might live in Minnesota. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You might live in Minnesota. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, You might live in Minnesota. If you know how to say: Wayzata...Mahtomedi....Cloque. ...Edina...and Shakopee, You might live in Minnesota. If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, You might live in Minnesota. If vacation means going 'up north' for the weekend, You might live in Minnesota. You measure distance in hours, You might live in Minnesota. You know several people, who have hit deer more than once, You might live in Minnesota. -<>- Q:Why is booze strength classified by the term "proof?" A:Moonshine used to be a form of barter. To prove its potency, people would mix equal parts liquid with gunpowder and light it afire. That was proof that it was at least fifty percent alcohol. -<>- .--..-""""-..--. ///`/////////\`\\\ ||/ |///""\\\| \|| ## ( 6. 6 ) ## /_\ \ _. / /_\ _`) (`_ /` '--' `\ / _,,_ \ / /` `\ \ /\_/ / 6 6\ \_/\ \ \/\ Y /\/ / \ \/ `'U` \/ / \( \ / )/ |\_/ \_/| / ____ \ \ ( || ) / (__)||(__) | || | |__||__| jgs |==||==| /~`//~`/ / // / `""` `"` From: "Oh, You Kids": A boy had just pulled a large weed from the soil. When his mother said, "My, you were strong to get that out!" The boy answered, "I sure was, the whole earth had hold of it!" As the weather grew cooler, Grandmother reminded her four year old granddaughter, Talia, "Close the door. There's a cold draft coming in." Talia got a strange look on her face. A little apprehensive, but amazed and curious, she ran to the door and looked this way and that. Then, still curious but a little disappointed she turned to her grandmother and asked, "Where's the cold giraffe?" From: "Classy Kiddisms": The kindergarten teacher asked her students what color they would get if they mixed blue and yellow. A little boy immediately shouted, "Green!" The teacher impressed with the quick response, asked the boy how he knew. "My mommy puts the blue stuff in the potty and when I do pee, it turns green." Ray's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class, "Does anyone know what this is?" Ray's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him. "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready." From: "Blessed be the Children": A little girl stared questioningly at her grandfather. Finally she asked, "Grandpa, were you on Noah's Ark?" The grandfather replied with a slight chuckle, "Of course not." Then the girl asked, "Then how come you didn't drown?" A teacher was explaining the story of Noah and his ark to her young students. She asked the class if they thought Noah did a lot of fishing during the flood. "No," said a bright boy, "he only had two worms." -<>- .-----. ()() / \ .'() |__...__|/ |_....._| .-' ___ '-. \_.-`. .`-._/ __ .--. _ (|\ (_) /|) .-;.-"-.-;`_;-, ( \_=_/ ) .(_( `)-;___),-;_), _(_ _)_ (.( `\.-._)-.( ). ) /` ||'-'|| `\ ,(_`'--;.__\ _).;--'`_) _ /_/ (_>o<_) \_\ // )`--..__ ``` _( o )'(';,)\_//| || : || |\\ \;' ````` `\\ '.\\--' |`"""""""`|// / ':.___// \___,___/\_( | '---'| |__|__| ; ; ;""|""; \ / [] | [] '. .' .' / \ '. jgs'-,.__ __.,-' `--' `--' (___/`````````\___) >You Might be a Leprechaun if....... * You snicker uncontrollably all the way through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People." * Your record collection is stocked only with very short artists, Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins. * When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!) * In your cupboard there is nothing but Lucky Charms cereal. * Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere. * You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends. * You've been under a rock for the past few years. * You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!) * You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do." * When you eat good food, you say it is "magically delicious." And the number one way you can tell you might be a Leprechaun: * You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot! ================================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: ____ ____ '###\ \ / /###' ,\\\\\ | /////, __ \ .--. .--. / __ ___\/ ' | ' \/___ -- _, ! | ! ,_ -- / '! | !' \ /'/ ! | ! \'\ 1# ! \ 0|0 / ! #1 !# \ '--; ;--' / #! ` `\ `-' /` ` \## `--~' '~--` ##/ `-___________-` [Mash] >GROANERS: "Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his dad's side. "Now maybe mother will do the trick she has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked. "I heard her tell daddy," the little boy answered, "that she would climb the walls if you came to visit." (Kevin Rayner) "Alpha sector, this is Tango sector. How you doing out there, Alpha?" "Tango, Alpha. Its cold, I'm hungry, and I'm sick of this whole thing. When will there be peace in South Africa?" "It takes Tutu, Tango." (Jason Dias) Marcel Marceau owned a fabulous restaurant on the coast of Maine that specialized in the local seafood. Their particular speciality was their superb version of "Filet of Sole". Customers came from to enjoy the fine food and be greeted by the owner in pantomime. The kitchen staff were also masters of the art of pantomime. A sign over the kitchen entrance read, "These are the mimes that fry Maine's soles." (Ken Pinkham) A beautiful blonde woman and her husband were at home one night. The husband notices his wife standing in front of the fridge with the freezer section open. She is standing there with a dead pan look on her face STARING into the freezer. Her husband watches her awhile she continues standing not moving not blinking just staring into the freezer compartment! Finally after 10 minutes of witnessing her staring and staring straight into the freezer he can take no more. He says to his beautiful blonde wife "Honey, What in the heck are you doing?" She says, "making orange juice". "Making orange juice", he asks her, baffled. "Yes", she says, "It says, 'concentrate'." (William Brabant) This woman was talking to her friend when she got back from her recent trip to Spokane, Washington. Her friend asked her how she liked Spokane. She answered, "I don't know, I never got there." So the friend says, "You never got there...what do you mean?" She answers, "You know me, I have to stop at every rest area and they all say 'clean bathrooms', well, it takes longer that you think!" (Doug Helsel) I went to this bar in San Francisco. There was a small stage where a girl was dancing. Since there was no other customer there, the bartender was in a talkative mood. He told me he employed twin girls named Shelly and Jan to dance on the stage. Since they were working their way through college, they took turns dancing. One day Shelly danced there and the next day Jan danced there. I asked him which one was on the stage that day and he replied, "It must be Shelly 'cause Jan don't shake like that." (Jack Darcy) Penny dropped in on her neighbor and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room. "What's wrong?" she asked. The neighbor told her that she had "morning sickness." Surprised, the neighbor said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant again!" "I'm not," the harried young woman replied, "I'm just sick of mornings." (William Brabant) My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter, his mother asked, "Chris, what happened today to upset you so much?" He answered, "It's not fair -- I'm not allowed to go to the library." His mother became very concerned and asked, "Why aren't you allowed to go to the library?" With a tearful reply he said, "Because, in order to go to the library you have to have supervision, and I wear glasses!" (William Brabant) Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn't worried at all about serving his full term. The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they can get out early. Jimmy replied, "Well, my wife has never let me finish a sentence the whole time I've been married!" (Tim Davis) I have high blood pressure. And I hate talking about it. And I hate, most of all, going to the doctors' office. My doctor required that I come to see him twice monthly for blood pressure monitoring and, of course, I tried to get out of it. "I really don't want to come here that often," I said. He replied, "Get used to dis appointment." (Jason Dias) "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said the teacher. Little Johnny answered: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said Johnny confidently. - "It means carrying a child." There was a man in Florida who raised "see cows" or manatees. He soon had so many of them that he stopped giving them names and just assigned them letters of the alphabet. A, B, C, etc. He let them all swim free in the lagoon beside his house. Except for "U", which he kept in a special pen. I guess he was afraid of losing his "U" manatee. (William Brabant) -<>- _________ /' /| / / |_ / / //| /_________/ ////| | _ _ | 8o////| | /'// )_ | 8///| |/ // // ) | 8o///| / // // //,| / 8//| / // // /// | / 8//| / // // ///__|/ 8//| /.(_)// /// | 8///| (_)' `(_)//| | 8////|___________ (_) /_\ (_)'| | 8/////////////// (_) \"/ (_)'|_| 8///////////// (_)._.(_) d' Hb 8oooooooopb' `(_)' d' H`b d' `b`b d' H `b d' `b `b d' `b d' `b >Rules of Combat * If the enemy is in range, so are you. * Incoming fire has the right of way. * Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire. * There is always a way. * The easy way is always mined. * Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. * Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. * The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: - When you're ready for them. - When you're not ready for them. * Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at. * If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. * The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack. * A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down. * If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. * Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you. * Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. * Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out. * Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. * If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone. * When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. Last but not least... * Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. -<>- .+. @ /' \. .: _______ )) ( _:::.__.'_ `:::::: ~ / ,\ .::' :::::' \` \ .'::' :::' ('.\ `-.. :. __::'_______`-.\ ))::._ .'``::::::::: `-'~' `:::' a:f ' >What about The Queen? We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church. Several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking them, "Does anyone know what the Bishop does? There was a long silence. Finally, one little boy slowly raised his hand and answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally." By way of Reader's Digest (www.rd.com) -<>- >Bigger Piece One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now." ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Gasoline Price Humor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gasoline.html High Tech Toys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html WORMS! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html The Real Bambi And Thumper! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bambi.html Scotch Tape Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tapeart.html Amazing Horse Trainer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsetrainer.html Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Ice Hotel! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/icehotel.html World's Largest Things! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/largest.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) This is wonderful! It gives a hint of what the world might be like for our grandchildren. To them it will be perfectly normal. Corning's Glass Video - our future perhaps?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cf7IL_eZ38 --- ...Wowsers! Thanks PatDeE! No doubt Corning would love this - a cazillionaire for sure! Anyone notice how to turn off that stove top? He touch turned it on and up with his finger which was pretty cool but how would you in turn touch it off? === This, to a great extent, captures the world I was privileged to grow up in. Although it seemed to be a simpler time, it was loaded with adventure, challenge, triumphs and disappointments. Close Your Eyes - In the Still Of The Night! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKBp1kkNs-s --- ...Aww, thanks PatDeE! I miss the cartoons. -<>- >From Our Friend Sandi :) Those talented Dutch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSKyHmjyrkA --- ...Cool! Thanks Sandi! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) free - electron laser - FoxNews.com http://tinyurl.com/4rbhrw2 --- ...Totally Awesome! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From TheMouth: Programming Language Inventor or Serial Killer? Can you tell a coder from a cannibal? Try to work out which of the following spent their time hacking computers, and which preferred hacking away at... http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/ RETRO FUTURE Anybody who watched "The Jetsons" growing up probably envisioned a future complete with flying cars, jet packs, and robot butlers. This site celebrates the implausible plans that have always gone hand-in-hand with the word "futuristic." http://www.retrofuture.com/ NURSERY RHYMES LYRICS, ORGINS AND HISTORY "Did you know that the origins of most nursery rhymes reflect events in history? This site has included both the meanings and origins of everyone's favorite nursery rhymes." http://www.rhymes.org.uk/ -<>- >From Linky&Dinky: AWESOME! Two "real lookers" secretly mount a camera on their bodacious buttocks, and videotape men's heads whipping to stare at their fine derrieres as they sashay down the boulevard. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq0JcQ1dOwU SECRET: add 1000 FREE MINs for AT&T iPHONE CUSTOMERS It's a bribe to not jump to Verizon. http://tinyurl.com/6zl6jc6 LAYERS OF GLASS MAKE 3D ART Beautiful, but why are they visions of hell? http://tinyurl.com/29elfao -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Song Meanings http://www.songmeanings.net/ Press here to see why you're fat: http://buffaloschips.com/fat Capoeira Fighter http://www.buffaloschips.com/012113.htm Cell Phone Popcorn http://www.buffaloschips.com/012114.htm Chinook Water http://www.buffaloschips.com/012115.htm Cincy Choir http://www.buffaloschips.com/012116.htm Does This Happen To You In The Morning http://www.buffaloschips.com/012117.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The sure way to tell if a man is a bachelor is to check his silverware. If it's chewed up from going through the garbage disposal a few times, he's for real." --Nick Arnette Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband. The airlines are working much harder to deal with the problem of lost luggage. This morning I saw a picture of my suitcase on a milk carton. "I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole milk if you wanted to." --Napoleon (Jon Heder) in NAPOLEON DYNAMITE "The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show... [kisses his biceps] and see if she likes the goods." --Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) in ANCHORMAN Don't worry; the only person to ever get their work done by Friday was Robinson Carusoe. "It costs me 65 bucks to fill up my car today. Remember when 65 bucks would buy you a large latte at Starbucks?" - Jay Leno "It's so cold, that Cloverfield monster? He changed his mind and attacked Miami." - David Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************