Ahoy, Me Hearties... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
These 2 scorching hot new pages come from our friend Linda.
I was especially interested in these as back in the 70's
Paul and I worked delivering Pepsi products from a small
warehouse to many small stores around our area. He was a
Pepsi distributor and I went along helping him some 12-14
hours a day sorting empty bottles while he carted the product
in to the stores. Long hard days. So I can relate to these
old delivery haulers and truckers. Check these out here:
_ _
/ \ / \
)_( )_(
| _________________________________________ |
| _____|.-----..-----..-----..-----..----..-----.] |
| /.--.|||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;|| |
| // ||||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;|| |
___...--'|`---'|||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;|| |
(= | | -'|||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;||_|__
| _..--' |____.'||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;|'----'|;;;;;||____|
|-'.----. _____ |'-----''-----''-----''-----'.----.'-----'|.....
|=./ .--. \|=====||___________________________/ .--. \______]
'=' :(--): `-----''--------------------------' :(--): `-----'
.... `--' ..................................... `--' ..LGB........
===================\\\\==========================================
Old Delivery Trucks
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deliverytrucks.html
Old Delivery Trucks 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deliverytrucks2.html
---
...Fascinating to see these! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
______________
|##############
__ __ |##############
_____________| |_____ _( ) |##############
UUUUUUUUUUUUU|__|UUUUU| ,-' )_ |##############
UUU_UUUUUU_UUUUUU_UUUU|( ( / ) | __ __ _
UU|_|UUUU|_|UUUU|_|UUU|. \ ) _) ) | | | | | |
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU| `. . ) ) | |__| |__| |_
======================|(_ | ) _) |
__ __ __ |(__(_|____)_______________________| __ __ _
| |__| |__| |__| |uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu,'.uuu| | | | | |
| |__| |__| |__| |uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu,' `.u| |__| |__| |_
======================|uuuu_uuuuuu_uuuuuu_uuuuu,'__ __`.
__ __ __ |uuu| |uuuu| |uuuu| |uuuu|| | | || __ __ _
| |__| |__| |__| |uuu|_|uuuu|_|uuuu|_|uuuu||__| |__|| | | | | |
| |__| |__| |__| |=_====__================' | |__| |__| |_
======================|| | | | __ __ __ __ __ |______________
___ __ ________ ||__| |__| | | | | | | | | | ||+++++++++++++_
||_|_|| | | | || _______ |__| |__| |__| |__| |__||++.-------.+|
||_|_||- | | -| ||| | | |++| | |+|_
|_|_|| | | |_____||| |o | _ ____________ _ |++| |- |+++
---. _|--|__|--|_____|||===| |_|_|_ /_|__|_______| _|_|++|___|___|+++
----`. ___ ;---'---' | |_-| |__ | \
--(_)-'_ _\___________/________|____/_'-(_)-----(_)-' _\____|________\__
jrei____________________________________________________________________
A mall manager has three spaces to rent, all in a row. A
prospective lessee shows up and says he wants to rent the space
on the left for a men's wear shop.
"That's fine," the mall manager says. "You get free signage; what
do you want on the sign?"
"Men's Wear," says the man.
A second guy comes along and asks to rent the right hand space for
his gentleman's formal wear business. When asked he says he wants
"Men's Wear" on his sign. The mall manager tells him that the left
hand shop will have the same sign. "No problem," says the man.
Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle space. The
manager is somewhat concerned because this guy also has a men's
wear shop. Warily the manager asks the third man what he wants on
his sign.
The guy replies: "Entrance."
-<>-
A road crew supervisor hired a nice-looking blonde woman to assist
with painting the yellow line down the middle of the road. He was
skeptical about hiring her, but she appeared enthusiastic and told
him that she really needed the job.
He explained to her that her work day would be to complete 2 miles
of line on her road, and he set her up with her brushes and paint
and got her started.
After the first day, he was pleased to find that she did an
excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in her 8 hour
shift. He told her that she did an excellent job and how pleased
he was with her progress.
On the second day, she completed painting 2 miles of road. Her
supervisor was surprised that on day one she had completed twice
as much work, but did not say anything, as 2 miles of road was the
amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it,
and to look forward to the next day when he was sure she would pick
up her speed again.
On day 3 he was shocked to learn that in her 8 hour shift, she
only completed painting 1 mile of road. He called her into his
office and asked her what was the problem, "On your first day, you
completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and
now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. Can I
ask you, what is the problem?"
"Well," she replied, "I keep getting farther and farther from the
paint can."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day
September 20 is National Punch Day
September 21 is International Peace Day, Miniature Golf Day
and World Gratitude Day
September 22 is Autumn Equinox - Fall begins!, Business Women's Day
Elephant Appreciation Day, and 22 Hobbit Day
September 23 is Checkers Day, Dog in Politics Day and Native
American Day
September 24 is International Rabbit Day and National Cherries
Jubilee Day
September 25 is National Comic Book Day
=======================================================
_____
.-" .-. "-.
_/ '=(0.0)=' \_
/` .='|m|'=. `\
\________________ /
.--.__///`'-,__~\\\\~`
/ /6|__\// a (__)-\\\\
\ \/--`(( ._\ ,)))
/ \\ ))\ -==- (O)(
/ )\((((\ . /)))))
/ _.' / __(`~~~~`)__
//"\\,-'-"` `~~~~\\~~`"-.
// /`" ` `\
//
jgs
>-->To Celebrate International Talk Like A Pirate Day :)
Q: Why is pirating so popular?
A: Once you lose your first arm, you’re hooked for life.
Q: What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?
A: He got burned to the ground.
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
Q: Why don’t pirates go to joy houses?
A: They’ve got all the booty they need.
Q: What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs?
A: A beginner.
Q: What is the most favorite pirating song, surprisingly?
A: Don’t cry for me, Arrrrrrgentina...
Q: Have you ever heard any good pirate jokes?
A: Well neither have ayyye!
Q: How do pirates communicate with each other?
A: With an Aye phone. But aye to aye is always best.
Q: What is regularly given to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion
is right?
A: The captain’s log.
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think so, therefore they arrr.
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite movie?
A: Booty and the Beast. (But it is arr-rated.)
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your head off.
Q: Which side of his boat does a good pirate try to avoid?
A: The outside.
Q: What would you call a pirate with 4 eyes?
A: A iiiirate.
Q: Who was the first pirate?
A: Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.
Q: What comic book characters are even better at finding treasure
than pirates?
A: The X-Men.
Steve: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.
Pete: Really? I wonder what he called his hook.
---
...Here's some phrases for you:
Pirate Lingo!
https://www.piratevoyages.com/pirate-lingo/
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
____ 3 _
., _ ' `_ _______ ( )
--+-[---------.---(-)-----(@)----|-------|--.-----|-------------.-------|~--
| ] | |~ |~ (@) _ | | |} | |
--+-[-----|---+---|-------|--|--(@)---------+-----|----------|}-+---|---|---
|/ | | | | | |~ (@) _ | | _| .. | | | |
--Y-------|---+---|-------|--|--|---|---(@)-+-|>( )------|---|--+---|-------
/|_ _| | `=_| | | |~ | ~ |>(@) | _|
|-@-)---(@)---+-----------------|---|---|---+-------------------+-(@)-------
\_|/ ~ | | | | | ~
--+-----------"-------------------------|---"-------------------"-----------
|
._} --jw
>Music Tests
From the Missouri School Music Newsletter, these are answers to
test questions compiled by music teachers.
Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was
rather large.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard
of.
Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers.
It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until
they are dead.
An opera is a song of bigly size.
In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he
really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all
live happily ever after.
Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.
Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long
ago.
My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
My favorite composer is Opus.
Question: What are kettle drums called?
Answer: Kettle drums.
For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every
line of flute music. You just watch.
The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make
a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
-<>-
>Cooking Terms
Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly
crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated
and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste
exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and
squid.
Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing
ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to
make a dish the dog won't eat.
Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since
children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name
is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time
before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the
food is put in, as well as when it is removed.
Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces
of meat and poultry.
Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the
principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food
placed within the cooking compartment.
Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered
by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a
particular food.
-<>-
>Eggplants
A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25 cents each -- three
for a dollar."
All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous!
I should get four for a dollar!"
Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The
tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked
the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"
"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no
one ever bought more than one eggplant."
-<>-
>Insomnia
My husband, an accountant, and I both suffer from occasional bouts
of insomnia. One night I suggested we try a technique I'd read
about, which was to encourage relaxation. Laying with our eyes
closed, I described a relaxing scene: "We're in a beautiful,
oceanside bungalow on a tropical island. A gentle breeze is coming
through the French doors that lead to our private ocean path."
My husband's quiet voice startled me from my peaceful place. "How
much is this vacation costing us?"
-<>-
>Long Wait
When I took my Weed Eater back to the home-and-garden store to get
it fixed, I was asked if I wanted to wait until the job was done.
"How long will it take?" I asked.
The clerk answered, "A day or two."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
>SMILES
A Marine private was filling out a questionnaire for a
correspondence course.
He got to this question: "How long has your present employer been
in business?"
He thought for a moment, then wrote: "Since 1775."
--------
A man is driving down a highway and has a flat tire. As he gets out
to change the tire, he notices his tire is flat in front of
Riverview Sanitarium. As he pops the hubcap and places all the lug
nuts in it, he sees a gentlemen watching him. This makes him nervous
so he works faster to change the tire.
As he drops the flat one he hits the hub cap and knocks all the lug
nuts down the storm drain. It dawns on him he can't get the tire on
because now he has no lug nuts to hold it. He looks up at the sky
and starts screaming and cursing because now he is stuck here.
The gentlemen inside the fence suggests removing one lug nut from
each of the other tires, the guy looks at him and says, "That's
pretty smart. What are you doing in there?"
The gentlemen inside the fence looks at him and says, "I'm insane
not stupid".
--------
A man suffering from a severe case of flatulence goes to the
doctor.
Man: Doctor, I have a terrible (FARRRT!) problem. I just can't
(FFFART!!) stop farting.
Doctor: That is an unusual complaint. Take off your clothes and
lay, stomach down, on the couch. The man does as he is told.
The doctor examines him for a minute - the man farting all the
time this is going on.
Doctor: Aha! This should be easy to cure. Excuse me for a moment.
The doctor goes over to a closet and pulls out a long pole with
a sharp spike at one end.
Man: (FAART!) Oh my! (fart..) What are you going to do with
(FFFARTT!!) that?!
Doctor: I need to open a window.
------
One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank
sheet of paper in their notebooks.
She noticed that Moose, a rather dense jock, was having trouble
with her directions.
"Have you found a blank piece yet, Moose?" said the teacher.
"Nope. I haven't," he said. "Somebody went through and drew
lines across all the pages."
--------
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The
patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his
heavily bandaged hands. "The nurse told me that I will be able to
play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"Hmmm, then I better start learning how to read music."
--------
After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida
to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The
representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and
an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired
vision to the point of near blindness. My apprehension lightened
a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken
care of. I thanked her profusely.
"Oh, you're welcome," she replied.
I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your
grandmother need a rental car?"
--------
When she died in 1997 at the age of 120, Jeanne Calment was the
oldest living human whose birth date could be authenticated. At
the age of 118, she was asked to describe her vision for the
future. She replied, "Very brief."
--------
Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you
think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"
"I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.
"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson,
"Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a
mother of two."
"I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," answered Mr. Peterson.
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A lot of good it
does YOU to go to church!"
--------
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron
sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke
of the young blonde woman beside her.
Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to
the blonde and bellowed with a loud voice, "Young lady, I would
rather commit adultery than smoke!"
"So would I!" quipped the blonde, "but you know, there just
isn't TIME enough during a ten-minute coffee break."
--------
At a yard sale one day I saw a box marked "Electronic cat and
dog caller -- guaranteed to work."
After I looked inside, I was amused to see an electric can
opener.
-------
A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their
60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared
and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those
years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful,
loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for
her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she
wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother
waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy godmother assured him
he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for
his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, then said, "Well,
honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom! He was 90!!
--------
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store
but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a
stock clerk, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am," he explained, "they're dead."
--------
Today, in the cutest voice, my eight-year-old daughter asked me to
start recycling. I chuckled and asked her, "Why?"
She replied, "So you can help me save the planet."
I chuckled again; then I asked, "And why do you want to save the
planet?"
"Because that's where I keep all my stuff."
--------
Little Johnny opened his birthday gift from Grandma It was a water
pistol! He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
His mother was not so pleased. She turned to Grandma and said,
"I'm surprised at you, getting him a water pistol! Don't you
remember how we used to drive you crazy with those?"
Grandma just smiled: "Yes...I remember."
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu :)
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From Our Friend Fran :)
[Politics]
Letter to the editor from an 82 year old
_____
_____________________ | ,-. |
| | |((#))|
| ejm | |_`-'_|
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\,
>Letter to the editor,
Trump would be ahead now if he didn't have to fight both the
Democratic and the Republican parties. If Trump loses it is the
fault of the Republican party and the media who are having a great
time twisting truth and ignoring the fact that Clinton has lied over
and over, she lied to everyone about her emails, lied about her
health, lied just about everything that left her mouth. We have no
idea what her plans are, she is too busy putting Trump down. He
has said what his plans are and when he thought about it was honest
enough to say he made a mistake. I believe with the people he has
chosen to serve the presidency with him will do the job to clean up
this mess. I know people suffering because they have lost Obamacare,
the insurance companies are leaving. Whole towns are without
coverage, people are being killed by the terrorists, I could go on
and on. Trump has talked about these and other things wrong with
America. Clinton instead makes excuses and instead lies and puts
down everything Trump says. I can't see one positive thing she
has done for our country. I've lost my whole trust with the
newspapers. They print the negative and ignore the positive part
of Trumps campaign. I am 82 years old and so worried about our
country, I've been out doing door to door, and waving my flag and
sign at rally's on weekends because I would like to finally see a
good president, someone like Reagan to get this country where other
countries are not taking over and making fun of America. As Trump
says, "Let's make America great again".
---
...So True! Well said! Thanks Fran!
Here is the main difference between the two candidates:
Obama and Hilary Clinton are globalists
http://tinyurl.com/htmob3y
Which is defined as:
glob·al·ist
??l?b?list/
noun
noun: globalist; plural noun: globalists; adjective: globalist
a person who advocates the interpretation or planning of
economic and foreign policy in relation to events and developments
throughout the world.
a person or organization advocating or practicing operations
across national divisions.
While Donald Trump is a Nationalist
http://tinyurl.com/hymrt29
Which is defined as:
na·tion·al·ist
?naSH(?)n?l?st/
noun
plural noun: nationalists
a person who advocates political independence for a country.
a person with strong patriotic feelings, especially one who
believes in the superiority of their country over others.
That is the two choices we have. Personally I live HERE in America
so my loyalty is for America not for any other country! I want
to make America Great Again and want America to be UNITED Again
into ONE Great Country UNDER GOD! I am a conservative so I am for
Donald Trump! And not for any one who would LIE to me for their own
gain like Hilary has done to us over and over and over again!
She is a certified FBI Liar! What more does the American people
need to understand about her as a presidential candidate? She says
Trump is unfit to be president because he is straight forward and
tells it like it is while she covers everything she does up and lies
more often when she doesn't even have to lie! She is the one who is
unfit. She has more experience being a politician. About 30 years
in office and when you think of what positive thing has she
accomplished in her 30 years for the American people, there is
little you can think of. Mostly her time has been positive for her
own gain - she has gotten to be a millionaire - while we the people
have suffered.
Remember - the OPPOSITE is true with Hilary! IF you want the truth
from a habitual liar you just figure the opposite is the real
truth.
Is she a liar? She says she hasn't lied but the FBI director
confirmed she lied at least 5 times to us and the congress just
over her emails.
Is her Clinton Foundation a good charity? She says it is but we
know she used it to gain billions of dollars abusing her State
department power and in 2013 less than 10% of the proceeds were
actually used for charity.
Is she healthy? She says she is but we see she is not.
Is she for woman? She says she is but she took millions from
countries that depress their woman and treat them as slaves that
they own and she defended a child rapist and laughed when he
passed a lie detector test saying she lost all confidence in them
from that day on and continued to get the man off on his charges
while the girl he raped was scarred for life and she made life
a living heck for any who accused her husband of rape or s#@ual
harassment back when he was president! So NO, she is not for women.
Is she for African Americans? She says she is but she talks down
to them and a man she referred to as one who was her mentor and
she said she greatly admired was a known ex-KKK leader!
The media is in her pocket. This is how bad it is. I wanted
to share that Trump provided his medical records on the Dr.Oz
show with you, but I watched my local news and they said Trump
gave a little bit of his medical information to Dr. Oz, implying
he was not being transparent with his health to us and I Googled
it but only found left spins on part of the show.
I had recorded it so I watched the show the next day. I was stunned.
Trump answered all of Dr.Oz's questions including his full family
medical history and provided Dr. Oz with his latest yearly medical
check up blood and test results along with a letter from his doctor
detailing his past test results from an EKG, Ultrasound, And a
Colonoscopy. After all results were disclosed to the entire audience
including Trump admitting he'd like to loose some 15lbs, Dr.Oz told
him that if he were his patient with these results that he'd say he
was good to go! He also said Trump is perfectly fit to be the
president! No problem! Very healthy.
The evidence is clear. She and the media who support her will
not tell us the truth. You cannot believe her ads or the news
media. They distort and lie to further another Obama term with
Clinton in the white house.
It's going to take all of us praying and supporting Trump as
best we can or we'll have another 4 years of a dismal America.
-<>-
FULL EVENT: Donald Trump Rally in Miami, Florida (9/16/2016)
Donald Trump LES DEPLORABLES Speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_-WTTM8o9A
Hillary Camp Caught Literally Stealing From Low-Income Donors
“I’m only talking to you because what Hillary’s doing is so messed
up,” he said. “She’s stealing from her poorest supporters.”
http://conservativetribune.com/hillary-camp-stealing-from-donors/
Media Outraged After Trump Tricks Them To Cover Endorsements From
Military Heroes
http://tinyurl.com/zfxh9ks
Black Dallas Cop Sues Black Lives Matter, Soros for Inciting
Race War
http://tinyurl.com/jhqt268
>From BizarreNews:
If you want things done right you have to do them yourself.
Sometimes even if you are a respected fertility doctor.
77-year-old Donald L. Cline was arrested on a charge of
obstruction of justice after allegedly using his own sperm
to impregnate many women who came to him for fertility
treatments.
In court, Cline pleaded not guilty to the charge. He was
released from custody without bail. The court was told that
Cline was named as the father of several people who took
DNA tests.
Cline allegedly once said that he may have used his sperm
50 times to impregnate women.
He allegedly told one of his biological daughters that he
was just trying to help people have babies, and now that
he has found God, he recognizes that what he did was wrong
because he hurt people.
And while the whole thing is fairly disgusting, not to
mention immoral, it's still impressive since he is so old.
*--- Inventor Shows Off Air Conditioned Suit ---*
A Louisiana inventor came up with an innovative, if
impractical, way to beat the summer heat -- an air
conditioned bodysuit. A video posted to YouTube shows a man
in a hazmat-style bodysuit with only his hands outside of
the garment. The suit is puffed out like a balloon due to
an air hose attached to an air conditioning unit, which is
in turn connected to a gas-powered engine. The invention
might be keeping the man cool, but its portability is
limited due to the equipment he has to pull around in a
wagon. The uploader said the suit can also be heated for
the winter and includes a dehumidifier function. The test
took place "in a 114-degree heat index ambient atmosphere
of Louisiana." The cure for cancer can't be far off.
*----- This Is What You Call a Sore Loser -----*
A man was arrested on a charge of stalking after allegedly
mailing dead animals to a teacher who was hired instead of
the suspect, according to police in Indiana. French Lick
police said that they have arrested 40-year-old Travis
Tarrants, after being accused of harassing the new teacher
and his fiancee. Tarrants was charged with stalking,
intimidation and criminal mischief. According to the police
investigation, Tarrants applied for a teaching job at the
Springs Valley School Corporation. His application was
rejected, and school officials hired another man. Tarrants
immediately began harassing the new teacher and his fiancee.
He mailed the couple multiple dead animals, including skunks
and raccoons. Tarrants then sent multiple letters to the
school, claiming that the new teacher was having s#x with a
15-year-old girl. He then left a voicemail on the couple's
phone, threatening to kill the fiancee and her baby.
*--------------------- No ---------------------*
Police say a Florida man asking if a bulletproof vest "still
worked" was fatally shot by his cousin. A Tampa police report
says Joaquin Mendez, 23, put on the vest and "wondered aloud
whether it still worked." Police say his cousin, Alexandro
Garibaldi, 24, pulled out a gun and responded, "Let's see."
Officers found Mendez outside the house with a gunshot wound
in his chest. Mendez died at a hospital. According to the
report, Garibaldi initially told officers he found his
wounded cousin after hearing a gunshot. However, police say
a witness described Garibaldi shooting Mendez. Police say
the vest was found inside the house with a gunshot.
*-- It's Like a Flat Tire On Your Wedding Day --*
New Hampshire resident Angelique Arsenault was having a very
bad day when her limo got a flat tire on the way to her
wedding in Milford. "It didn't even seem real at the time,
but it happened," Angelique said. Just five minutes from her
house, the limo carrying her bridesmaids and family abruptly
pulled over. "We just laughed about it," Angelique said. "We
actually had cars driving by us and they just took pictures
and left and then finally someone actually stopped to see if
we needed a ride." The driver who stopped was a man named
Jay. He had a car full of kids but he was determined to help.
So he dropped them off, returned, and asked the bride, "where
to?" Angelique and her bridal party arrived only thirty
minutes late. The groom was patiently waiting.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
~ ~
( o )o)
( o )o )o)
(o( ~~~~~~~~o
( )' ~~~~~~~'
( )|) |-.
o| _ |-. \
o| |_||_) | \ \
| | ||_) | | |
o| | / /
| |." "
| |- '
.========. mb
>Why Teachers Drink
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized
(e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax
and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart
and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
A, E, I,O,U..
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
---
...OH MY! HaHA! Thanks Linda!
=============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_
___ (_)
_/XXX\
_ /XXXXXX\_ __
X\__ __ /X XXXX XX\ _ /XX\__ ___
\__/ \_/__ \ \ _/X\__ /XX XXX\____/XXX\
\ ___ \/ \_ \ \ __ _/ \_/ _/ - __ - \
___/ \__/ \ \__ \\__ / \_// _ _ \ \ __ / \____/
/ __ \ / \ \_ _//_\___ __/ // \___/ \/ __/
__/_______\________\__\_/________\__/_/____/_____________/_______\____/____
___
/L|0\
/ | \
/ \
/ | \
/ \
/ __ | __ \
/ __/ \__ \
/ /__ | __\ \
/___________________\
/ | \
/ _|_ \
/ ____/___\____ \
___________[o0o]___________
O O O
Paul Tomblin
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51
were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret"
base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost,
and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the
pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his air-
plane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base"
briefing, told him Vegas was that-a-way and sent him on his
way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the
same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded
the plane...only this time there were two people in the
plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want
to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her
where I was last night."
-<>-
The local high school has a policy that the parents must
call the school if a student is to be absent for the day.
Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her
friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work
and called the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it
to school today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"
"This is my mother."
-<>-
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn
off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to
sleep in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
-<>-
I came home one night and my wife was crying.
I said, "whats wrong?"
She said, "I'm home sick."
I said, "But, this IS your home."
"I know," she replied, "and I'm sick of it!"
-<>-
The Wolf Man comes home one evening from a long day at the
office. "How was work today, dear?" his wife asks.
"Honey, please! I don't want to talk about work right now!"
he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like me to fix you something to eat? Or how
about a drink?" she asks oh so nicely.
"Listen," he shouts again, "I'm not hungry, I'm not thirsty!
Is that alright with you? Can I come home from work and just
do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat?
huh?"
At that very moment, the wolf man started growling, and
throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking
out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to her-
self, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
-<>-
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather
forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey,
how come you look like the whole world caved in?"
The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an
uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."
"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck
for you, eh?"
"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin
I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand,
free and clear."
"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"
"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited
almost one hundred thousand dollars."
"Incredible... so how come you look so glum?"
"Well, this week...nothing!"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Gh0striders :)
.===================================================================.
|| __ _ __ __ __ __ __ .. __ ||
|| -=]|__ /_\ |__) |__ |__) / \ |\ /| |__) | | |__/ |__ |\ | ||
|| -=]| / \ | \ | | \ \__/ | \/ | | \__/ | \ |__ | \| ||
|| ___ ||
|| .' '. ||
|| / \ oOoOo ||
|| | | ,==||||| ||
|| \ / _|| ||||| ||
|| '.___.' _.-'^|| ||||| ||
|| __/_______.-' '==HHHHH ||
|| _.-'` / """"" ||
|| .-' / oOoOo ||
|| `-._ / ,==||||| ||
|| '-/._|| ||||| ||
|| / ^|| ||||| ||
|| / '==HHHHH ||
|| /________""""" ||
|| `\ `\ ||
|| \ `\ / ||
|| \ `\/ ||
|| / ||
|| / ||
|| jgs /_____ ||
|| ||
'==================================================================='
>Drinking and driving
As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the
authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a
"social session" with family or friends.
Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening
with friends and had more than several whiskies, followed by a
couple of bottles of rather nice red wine. Although relaxed, I
still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a
taxi home!
Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it
was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without
incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never
driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that
it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
So if any of you want to borrow it for your next party, give me
a call.
-<>-
>Oh sweet marriage!
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband
missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could
hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked
all around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down
to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing
the wall, crying.
She asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
He replied: "Remember when your father caught us together, when
you were 16? Remember he said I had a choice: I could either marry
you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years."
Baffled, she said, "yes."
The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison
today!"
-<>-
>Poor Mike
Seven year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first
day of school.
What's your name?", asked the teacher.
"Mohammad," he replied.
"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on
you will be known as Mike."
Mohammad returned home after school. "How was your day, Mohammad?",
his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike".
"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, and your religion? Shame on you!" And his
mother beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of
his fresh bruises.
"What happened to you, Mike?", she asked.
"Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two
fricking Muslims."
-<>-
>Scotsman
A wealthy Arab Sheikh was admitted to the hospital for
heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, they needed
to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't
be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a
Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The
Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in
appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats
of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars. A couple of days later,
once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was
more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a
Thank-you card and a box of Chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate
his kind gesture as he had before. He phoned the Arab and
asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you
would give me another BMW, diamonds and money... but you
only gave me a Thank-you card and a box of Chocolates."
To this the Arab replied:
"Aye Laddie, but I have Scottish blood in me veins now!"
-<>-
>Stolen Car
The proud owner of a magnificent 1956 Chevrolet convertible, wrote
to say he had restored the car to perfection over the last few
years, and sent this......
On a very warm summer afternoon he decided to take his car to town.
It needed gas, as the gauge was practically on empty, but he wanted
ice cream, so he headed first to his favorite ice cream shop.
He had trouble finding a parking space and had to park the car down
a side street. He noticed a group of young guys standing around
smoking cigarettes and eyeing my car rather covetously. He was a
bit uneasy leaving it there, but people often take interest in such
an old and well-preserved car, so he went off to enjoy his ice
cream.
The line at the ice cream shop was long and it took him quite a
while to return to his car. When he did, his worst fears were
realized... his car was gone.
He called the police and reported the theft and then went back and
bought a quart of pistachio ice cream. About ten minutes later the
police called him to say they had found the car abandoned near a
gas station a few miles out of town.
It was unharmed and he was relieved. It seems just before he
called, the police had received a call from a young woman who was
an employee at a self-service gas station. She told them that
three young men had driven in with this beautiful old convertible.
One of them came to the window and prepaid for 20 dollars-worth of
gas.
Then all three of them walked around the car, looking at it
carefully, and then just walked away... without filling the tank.
The question is, why would anybody steal a car, pay for gas that
they never pumped, and then abandon the car later and walk away?
Scroll down ---
Answer: They couldn't find where to put the gas!
-<>-
/|
__ : :o
<"" "">|/
|""--""|n-.
| |"`.|
| .--. | ||
| ( ) |.-:'
| "" |/"
( ) Ojo 98
""--""
>Bless Seniors...
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of
the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle
holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up
and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old bugger' thought the gentleman, so he invited the
old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start
some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the
gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught today?'
'You're the eighth.'
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY! |
---
...LOL! Oh Gee! TeeHee! Thanks Gh0striders!
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
We are starting the new Fall shows on TV. I was excited
to see a new show - MacGyver on this week! - taken from
the old series!
We have ours taken from the old series starting here:
MacGyver - How To Do It!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver.html
Fall And Halloween INDEX
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html
Why Trump 2?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump2.html
All About Hugs
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hugs.html
I Believe...-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html
Jesus Clinic!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html
Kid Lessons!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidlessons.html
Thank You Lord!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html
Animal Friends 5!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends5.html
House Dust Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusthouse.html
Expensive Hotel Rooms!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html
Garbage Truck Camping!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html
Texas Rules Of Ettiquette!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html
High Tech Toys!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html
Boeing 727 Suite!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/727suite.html
Amazing Dog Houses!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses.html
Old Bars, Old People, Old Friends!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>Please Follow Me on StumbleUpon:
http://tinyurl.com/zrtjnym
-<>-
>From Our Friend Gh0striders :)
Probably wouldn’t hear of these heroes – they were not military.
This was phenomenal and wouldn’t make it today with computer
control, can’t fly in secrecy on a commercial plane. Only Malaysian
Airlines can do that.
PACIFIC CLIPPER - DECEMBER 1941
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS SHORT VIDEO WITH A
GREAT STORY MANY OF US HAVE NOT HEARD BEFORE.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Ms84WfJwalI&feature=pla
Trampoline Act Everyone Was Skeptical When This clumsy dad Went
on Stage. When you think of an acrobatic act, you wouldn’t
expect the performer to be a 40 year-old dad. But when Vladimir
Georgievski started his act, they were all at a loss for words.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/fhx7iXkiLXQ
---
...Wow! What a talent!!! Thanks Gh0striders!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Richard :)
I think it is safe to say you may never see an ad like this for
an American car.
What a great ad and what beauty is involved in making it.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/rv7dGhj5UlA
---
...Awesome! Thanks Richard!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
looks like fun
http://tinyurl.com/a6an9mt
---
...Most Intriguing! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
A Funny guy with Groucho Marx:
http://www.chonday.com/Videos/funny-mexican-guy-with-groucho-marx
---
...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
A Walk thru DC
The video is only 2 minutes 51 seconds long.
Please watch to the end or you will miss it.
http://hawthornephoto.com/walk
---
...Sweet! Thanks Linda!
[An ET-Ahem!]
Only sent to those old enough to not participate in such activity...
(but if you do, make a video so the rest of us can enjoy it at your
wake) Some of these actually leave you enough beer to drink.
http://devour.com/video/how-to-open-a-beer/
---
...Crazy Fools! HaHa! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A spokesman for the Royal Family says that Prince William
and Kate Middleton's upcoming family trip to Canada will be
a 'largely casual' and 'highly outdoors' event. Then normal
people said, 'So...camping. You're going camping.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"Here in California over the weekend, a woman gave birth in
a Barnes & Noble bookstore. Apparently she did this in the
New Releases section." -Conan O'Brien
"A new study suggests that 'starchiness' should be added as
a new taste to the five basic tastes that humans can detect.
One researcher's wife said, 'Next time you can just say you
didn't like it.'" -Seth Meyers
"New York City turned 352 years old yesterday, and I have
to say, it smells it." -Seth Meyers
"A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents
would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to
fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when
the ransom note said, 'We has your sun.'" -Conan O'Brien
"There's a lot of talk about how global warming will be a
disaster for future generations. When you think about it,
it's hard to care. What have these future generations ever
done for us?" -Jimmy Kimmel
"According to new research from the CDC, middle-aged parents
are more likely to smoke marijuana than their teenage kids.
In other words, your mom finally made weed uncool like she
did to Myspace." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Apple is supposed to unveil the latest iPhone tomorrow,
which will reportedly do away with the traditional headphone
jack. And this is convenient, the included ear buds will
come 'pre-lost.'" -Seth Meyers
"Last night they held a debate called the Commander-in-Chief
Forum. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump answered questions
about national security. It took place right here in New
York on the aircraft carrier Intrepid. Once the two of them
were on board, a lot of people were tempted to cut it loose
and let it drift out to sea." -Stephen Colbert
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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