Air Force Woes, Mothers And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This red hot new page is from our friend Linda. It is sure to spike your aww meter for the day and give you plenty of smiles. Make sure you take a few minutes to watch the video here. You'll be glad you did! Check this out here: .-"""-. _.---..-; :.) ;"" \/ __..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._ `-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J bug Irish Ducklings http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irishducklings.html --- ...Aww, so sweet and adorable! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,-----. /' `\ ; ----,---- ; | `o- |`o- | | |_ | | _____, | \_ _/ | `-----' | __.-; ;-.__ _,-' ; : ; ; `-._ _,' `. ,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-, /' ```----. .----''' `\ / \_/ \ | | | | , | , | | | | | | | \ | / | \ /\ o | o /\ / / | |`\ / \ /'| | \ | | | `------' `------' | | | | | \ _.--'|`--._ / | | \ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | / | | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | | >Men's Personal Ads ...and what they really mean: 40-ish. Really means: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old. Athletic. Really means: Sits on the couch and watches ESPN. Average looking. Really means: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back. Educated. Really means: Will always treat you like an idiot. Free spirit. Really means: Sleeps with your sister. Friendship first. Really means: As long as friendship involves nudity. Fun. Really means: Good with a remote and a six pack. Good Looking. Really means: Arrogant. Honest. Really means: Pathological Liar. Huggable. Really means: Overweight, more body hair than a bear. Likes to cuddle. Really means: Insecure, overly dependent. Mature. Really means: Until you get to know him. Open-minded. Really means: Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested. Physically fit. Really means: I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself. Poet. Really means: Has written on a bathroom stall. Spiritual. Really means: Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday. Stable. Really means: Occasional stalker, but never arrested. Thoughtful. Really means: Says "Please" when demanding a beer. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 20 is Chinese Language Day, Look Alike Day, Patriot's Day and Volunteer Recognition Day April 21 is Kindergarten Day and National Library Workers Day April 22 is Administrative Professionals Day, Earth Day (U.S.), Girl Scout Leader Day and National Jelly Bean Day April 23 is Lover's Day, National Zucchini Bread Day, Ramadan Day, Take a Chance Day, Take Your Daughter to Work and World Laboratory Day April 24 is Arbor Day and Pig in a Blanket Day April 25 is East Meets West Day, National DNA Day and World Penguin Day April 26 is Hug an Australian Day, National Pretzel Day and Richter Scale Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: /-----| \-' | Q | )C ~\/\ | \\_ \ | \_77 |\ | ejm 96 |`` \ \ | """ ~ ~ === >My Dentures Don't Fit A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn't fit. "Well," said the dentist, "I'll do it again this time, but no more. There's no reason why these shouldn't fit your mouth easily." "Who said anything about my mouth?" the woman answered. "They don't fit in the glass!" -<>- >Accident A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How should I know?" the man answers, "I'm not a lawyer!" -<>- >A Foot Funny A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him. The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room. Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water, "Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes." -<>- >Show & Tell I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him as a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for 9 months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, "Oh, oh, oh!" Now this kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning. "My father called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my mother to lay down in bed like this." Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" The kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breathe, breathe. They start counting, but they never even got past 10. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there." Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I have my cellphone ready, just in case another Erica comes along. [forwarded by JR Whitby] ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ,,,, / ' /.. / ( c D \- '\_ `-'\)\ |_ \ |U \\ (__,// |. \/ LL__I ||| ||| ,,-``'\ jv >SMILES "Young man," the mother sternly addressed her son, "there were three cookies in the pantry this morning. May I ask how it happens that there is only one now?" "It was dark so I didn't notice the last one." ---------- An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing, when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me?" "Come on, God, give me a break!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!" ---------- When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remembered." ---------- "What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of registration. "He's a magician," said the new boy. "How exciting. What's his best trick?" "He saws people in half." "How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?" "Yep...one half brother and two half sisters." ---------- A fellow was walking along a country road and came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer and asked how long it would take him to get to the next town. The farmer didn't answer. So, after waiting a bit, the fellow started walking again. After the man had gone about 100 yards, the farmer yelled, "About 20 minutes." Confused, the man turned back toward the farmer and inquired, "Why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Well," said the farmer, "I didn't know how fast you would walk." ---------- Flying to San Francisco from San Diego the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of San Diego girls going to San Francisco for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Navy recruits out on weekend liberty. What would you do?" ---------- A little old man was escorted into the witness box. After being sworn in the lawyer asked him to explain what happened. After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case, "...and then she hit me with the maple leaf." "Surely that couldn't have caused you any serious injury" said the lawyer. "Are you kidding?" exclaimed the old man. "It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table." ---------- ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. "America," the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, "She's not from the States." "'Yes, I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked, "Is he your husband?" "Yes," she replied. Turning to the husband, he offered, "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She's not for sale." After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how I'd get 100 camels back home." ---------- This guy wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale." ---------- As I left the hardware store the other day, I was fumbling for my car keys and could not find them. They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. She's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my wife: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen." There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard her voice. "Are you kidding me?" she barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me then." She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your f@#ng car!" "Welcome to the Golden Years!!" --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ___________ .;---------./| // S O A P // | |'---------'| / jgs | | / '-----------'` While there have been a few positive headlines in the news recently, the U.S. is still in the grips of the novel coronavirus. Frequent handwashing, social distancing and wearing a thick mask can dramatically reduce your risk of infection, but the virus can still stick to pretty much anything; including your clothes. The coronavirus has been shown to survive on hard, non- porous surfaces like plastic and stainless steel for two to three days, but it can also live on clothes for up to 12 hours - depending on the type of fabric. So do you have to soak your clothes in disinfectant every time you come home? No. Like we have pointed out before, coronaviruses, like rhinoviruses which cause the common cold, are vulnerable to simple soap and water. That includes laundry detergent. Take off your clothes and shoes at home Changing into "indoor" clothing immediately after being out and about in the world is a simple and effective way to reduce the risk of contaminating your house. Best laundry practices Wash clothes more frequently. Many people will wear blue jeans two or three days before washing them. Sometimes sweaters too. But if you are out in public mixing with other people, this is a bad habit. Wash your clothes in hot water if allowed by the manufacturer. The new virus is not heat-resistant and will be killed by temperatures over 80.9 degrees Fahrenheit. But that doesn't mean you have to wash EVERYTHING in hot water. Soap is still your best weapon. Running a normal cycle with the recommended amount of laundry detergent should do the trick. But if you can, drying your clothes on high heat will further ensure any contamination is eliminated. It's probably not a surprise to you that adding baking soda to a load of laundry can help freshen and brighten clothing. But baking soda can go beyond that when used in your washing machine. Baking soda can make a great fabric softener when added to the wash. Or... try using baking soda to neutralize odorous spills. Baking soda is also a great tool to clean your washing machine. * The small trash cans in our homes can sometimes be over looked until they are overflowing. Make this chore easier and more quickly accomplished by storing extra liners in the bottom of the trash can. * Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol! Wipe the wipers with a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia. This one trick can make badly streaking and squeaking wipers change to near perfect silence and clarity. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Skip the antibacterial soap If you choose 'antibacterial' products because you think they kill more germs, think again. According to recent studies, antiseptic ingredients added to numerous products are not effective and may actually be harmful. In 2005, an FDA panel concluded that there is no added benefit from using antimicrobial products over plain soap and water. There's also toxicity to consider. One of the most popular antimicrobials, the pesticide triclocarban (TCC), defies water treatment methods. Once it's flushed down drains, about 75 percent of TCC makes it through treatments and it ends up in our surface water and in municipal sludge. This sludge is regularly applied to U.S. crop fields as a fertilizer, meaning the chemical could potentially accumulate in our food. Instead, try vegetarian soap. Vegetarian soaps contain no animal products. They are made with plant oils and natural fragrances only and the glycerine is usually left in. * Ditch Toxic fabrics Man-made fabrics like polyester, nylon, rayon, and acrylic are dripping with dyes and chemicals. These textiles are made with potentially toxic fibers. The more benefits from said apparel, the more you might be putting subjecting yourself to toxic chemicals. Beware of stain resistant, insect-repelling, flame-retardant, water-repellent, water- proof, perspiration-proof, anti-static, anti-cling, and anti-shrink fabrics. Just to name a few. Those chemicals may spur a rash, but it's even more concerning that the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that some chemicals in workout clothing like Dimethylformamide may be linked to liver damage. Opt for natural fibers, ideally organic, such as cotton, wool, silk, flax, and hemp. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: CDC Coronavirus https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html Facebook Portals for Veterans, VA Financial Relief Actions, VFW’s grant funds https://content.govdelivery.com/accounts/USVA/bulletins/286b54c One US city is deploying a Chinese firm’s drones to police Americans who are not social distancing https://tinyurl.com/y7avq3lr EXPERTS: Mail-In Voting Susceptible to Fraud https://tinyurl.com/y9rru4m6 Trump Salutes America's 3.5 Million Truck Drivers with 'Thank God for Truckers' Event https://tinyurl.com/y9s49uol Donald Trump: We Are Reopening America ‘One Careful Step at a Time’ -Breitbart https://tinyurl.com/ybrckvea We Have Liftoff: Space Force Gets its First Cadets From the Air Force Academy as it Charts the Future of Space Ops -Washington Examiner https://tinyurl.com/y845sa33 Nikki Haley: 'They always have their hand out waiting for the money' https://tinyurl.com/yde9f8dl Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Sauces, Vehicles http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: An Indiana man awaiting his $1,700 stimulus payment said he checked his balance at an ATM and instead discovered a little more than he expected. Charles Calvin checked his bank account and found that $8.2 million dollars had been deposited into his checking account instead of the $1,700 he had been expecting to cover himself and a child. The IRS announced it had sent out the first round of stimulus payments on Saturday. Calvin, a volunteer firefighter in New Chicago, Indiana, couldn't believe what he was seeing when he checked his balance at the ATM. 'I went to the ATM at the Family Express and once I with- drew $200 out of my account I looked at the available balance still left in my account,' he said. At first, he through the machine had thrown up some sort of error so he ran his card again but the exact same amount was shown. On Monday, he called his bank and was told the money was no longer in his account, although the $1,700 stimulus money was. 'It kind of sucks,' he said. 'You go from being a millionaire one second then back to being broke again. But hey, once you're poor you don't have anywhere else to go but up.' Calvin is not sure if the readout was an error made by the federal government or just the ATM he used. Either way, he is not complaining as he received what he was legitimately entitled to. -<>- A car full of teenagers crashed in Idaho after authorities say one of the passengers lit the driver's armpit hair on fire with a lighter. All five young people in the Ford Bronco were hurt in the crash and had to receive medical treatment. Authorities say two of the passengers were thrown from the vehicle, but none of the five suffered life-threatening injuries. The Ada County Sheriff's Office says the rollover occurred after a 16-year-old boy was goofing off in the front seat and lit 18-year-old Tristian Myers' armpit hair on fire while Myers was driving. Deputies cited Myers with inattentive driving, while the 16-year-old was cited for interfering with the driver's safety. *--- Here's a good use of resources ---* A popular skatepark in San Clemente, CA was filled with sand to discourage skaters from using it during the coronavirus pandemic and to promote social distancing. San Clemente had shut down all its parks and facilities on April 1 under the state's stay-at-home orders, but skaters ignored signs warning against trespassing. Since park facilities have been closed city officials say they routinely saw people visit the skatepark, even by some children accompanied with their parents. City officials reported they followed in the footsteps of other cities, and filled the skatepark with 37 tons of sand. The non- profit group that has raised money to support the skate- park, however, says the city made the decision to fill the skatepark with sand without notifying them first. *--- Important safety tip: don't recycle swords ---* An Ontario recycling company is reminding residents to use some discretion when getting rid of unwanted items after someone attempted to recycle a sword. The Bluewater Recycling Association said in a Facebook post that someone put a metal sword into a "blue box" recycling bin. The post said the sword "was found before going through our machinery or it could have caused expensive damage to our machines and serious health and safety issues for our employees." The association said the sword's former owner might have been better off turning the weapon over to a second-hand store. "Placing pots and pans, bake ware, chains, electrical extension cords, nuts and bolts, etc. in the blue boxes simply adds to the contamination and down time in the processing facility. This also has the potential to add risk of injury for our employees." *--- The babes in Spain stand naked on the hood ---* A naked woman jumped on top of a police car in Spain after a court appearance for violating the country's coronavirus stay-at-home mandate, according to reports. Video shows an unidentified blonde standing with her hands held above her head while completely nude atop a patrol car outside a police station in Torremolinos in southern Spain. The woman stripped down and hopped on top of the cruiser after being released on bail for flouting Spain's strict lockdown mandate. Three officers soon took her back into custody, video shows. She was taken to a hospital for an evaluation. The 41-year-old was first picked up by cops after neighbors reported that a woman had been streaking during a daily tribute for emergency workers in Torremolinos. *--- Here's one way to get free beer ---* A 93-year-old Pennsylvania woman whose plea to neighbors for more beer went viral on social media is getting her request fulfilled by Coors. Olive Veronesi, 93, of Seminole, went viral after a local news station shared a photo on Facebook showing her standing with a can of Coors Light and holding a sign in her window reading, "I need more beer." Veronesi said several people have since reached out offering her beer. "It's nice, some- thing for a young lady," Veronesi said. Coors Light said in a Twitter post that Veronesi would soon be receiving some beer directly from the company. "Olive asked, and beer is on its way!" the tweet said. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' >They've Stolen Everything! A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake." -<>- >We're Lost! A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles. "We're lost!" One of the hikers complained. "And you said you were the best guide in the United States." "I am," the guide answered, "but I think we may have wandered into Canada." -<>- solid? or weed? _________ /\ \ W / \ \ WWW \ \ \ WWW \ \ \ WWWWW \ \ \ W WWWWW W \ \_____,,; WWW WWWWW WWW \ / ': WWW WWWWW WWW \/________/ WWW WWW WWW WWW WWW WWW WWWWWWW WWWW | WWWW | | >Q and A Quickies Q: What do you get when you eat too much hash brownies? A: A pot belly. Q: Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? A: He was too far out, man! Q: Did you hear about the stoners who were planning to rob the medical marijuana shop? A: First they had to case the joint. ,-, /((( ` )))) ~~~ __) ( \_~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~~ .'______) -_ ~~~~~~~~~~ (-.'.' * -_ ~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~ `.( *` * (/ _ - ~~ ~~~~~~ ~ ~ `-` *`\(/ __- ~~ ~~~ ~ ejm ~~~~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~~~~ Q: What does a mermaid smoke? A: Seaweed. Q: What do you call a person who remembers what they did at Woodstock? A: A Liar. Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? A: Because "pot holder" was taken. Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high! Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A: A baked potato. Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb. A: Screw it, we got lighters. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. Q: Why did the Sheriff use a ruler when he questioned the witness? A: He wanted to get the story straight. , |\ __ | | |--| __ |/ | | |~' /|_ () () | //| \ |\ () | \|_ | | \ jgs \_|_/ () | | | @' () Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder? A: To reach the high notes! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field. One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. "My sister would be so proud of you!" she remarked. I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why. Replied the woman, "She's a dentist." -<>- For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker. "I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing." -<>- During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his daily activity level. The man said, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees." Impressed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!" "Outdoorsman nothing," replied the man, "I'm just a lousy golfer." -<>- A tourist on a diving charter off the coast of Florida asks the blond dive master: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blond replies: "Think about it! If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." -<>- A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you over there at South Bend?" The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!" -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >Things I never learned in high school: 1. What taxes are. 2. How to do taxes. 3. How to vote. 4. Anything to do with banking. 5. How to buy a car or a house. But I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem! ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ,-. _,. / / ; \____,-==-._ ) //_ `----' {+> ` `'--/ /-'`( / / dew `=' >You Might Be A Redneck Pilot If... Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as check points. You think sectional charts should show trailer parks. Your toothpick keeps poking your mike. You've thought about just taxiing around the airport drinking beer. You use a Purina feed sack for a wind sock. You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut. You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight. You refer to flying in formation as "We got us a convoy". You have an orange airplane with a Union Jack on the side. You've got a gun rack hanging on the passenger window. You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together. Your preflight includes removing all the clover, grass, and wheat from the landing gear. You siphon gas out of your tractor to put in your airplane. You've never really actually landed at an airport, although you've been flying for years. There are parts on your airplane labeled "John Deere". There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left. You have to buzz the strip to chase off all the sheep. You've landed on the main street of your town for a cup of coffee. You fly to family reunions to meet girls. You've won the "Bob Wire" award at a spot landing contest. You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass. There are grass stains on your propeller tips. The spittoon is wedged between the rudder pedals Just before impact, you're heard saying "Hey, y'all, watch this!" -<>- >Honesty ------ Two old folks got married. As they were laying in their wedding suite, staring at the ceiling, the old man says, "I haven't been completely honest with you. I think the world of you, but you are only number two to me. Golf is my first love. It's my hobby, my passion, my first love." They both stare at the ceiling for a bit then the woman said, "While we're baring our souls, I guess I better tell you that I've been a hooker all my life." The man jumps out of bed, looks at her a moment then says, "Have you tried widening your stance and adjusting your grip? -<>- >A clean joke The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked." Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! -<>- _____ / \ (____/\ ) |___ U?(____ _\L. | \ ___ / /"""\ /.-' | |\ | ( / _/u | \___|_)_| \| \\ / / \_(___ __) | \\ / / | | | | ) _/ / ) | | _\__/.-' /___( | | _/ __________/ \ | | // / ( ) | | ( \__|___\ \______ /__|____| \ (___\ |______)_/ \ |\ \ \ / \ | \__ ) )___/ \ \ )/ /__( -Michael Reeung- ___ | /_//___| \_________ _/ ( / OUuuu \ `----'(____________) >Air Force Woes A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's pre-flight check he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So, a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. He finally gets to the air base only to find that the latrine pump has been left outdoors and is frozen solid so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He finally arrives at the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later. As he's leaving the plane, the pilot, an Air Force Major, stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished." The poor guy says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son. I'm an enlisted airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for eleven months without a furlough, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it's two thirty in the morning, it's twenty degrees below zero and my specialty here is to pump shit from an aircraft. Now just what form of punishment did you have in mind?" -<>- ( ) |\ _,--------._ / | | `.,' `. / | ` ' ,-' ' \/_ _ ( / (,-.`. ,',-.`. `__,' |/#\ ),-','#\`= ,'.` | `._/) -'.\_,' ) ))| / (_.)\ . -'// ( /\____/\ ) )`'\ \ |V----V|| ' , \ |`- -- -' ,' \ \ _____ ___ | .' \ \ `._,-' `- `.__,`---^---' \ ` -' -.______ \ . / ______,- `. ,' ap >Storming the Gates of Hell A Lesson from the Prisons In the course of revising and updating the book The Body, that is now republished as Being the Body, I came across a keen observation by John Calvin. The great reformer said that wherever the marks of the Church are evident-that is, preaching the Word, the sacraments, and church discipline-inevitably, the surrounding culture will be changed. Calvin's maxim is true. I've seen it at work in the toughest places in our society-inside cold, barren prisons like Newton, Iowa. It was on a gray December day two years ago that I first visited Newton for the dedication of our second Inner Change Freedom Initiative prison. I must confess I wasn't expecting much. The participants had only been together for a couple of months-not enough time, I thought, for them to bond into a group. But was I ever wrong! When the gates to the compound swung open, excited men swarmed around me. During lunch I must have signed a hundred Bibles and listened to dozens of testimonies. Before the dedication service, I met with all of the men in the cell block and challenged them to a life of faithfulness while listening to murmurs of "Amen." When I finished, instead of applauding, they jumped to their feet, thrust their Bibles in the air and chanted together, "This is my Bible." They lifted their Bibles a second time: "It is a lamp unto my feet." They continued in a great festal chant, verse after verse from the Psalms. I looked out over two hundred men on fire for God and thought to myself, I could march these guys right out of here today and storm the gates of hell. How could this have happened in two months? At least half of these men were unbelievers when they arrived, and yet within a short time, the whole prison culture had been transformed. The staff explained that when the Christian inmates arrived, they began meeting for prayer regularly. As new inmates arrived, the Christians witnessed to them and invited them into Bible studies. The same thing has happened in our Texas and Kansas prisons, and it's now happening in our fourth prison in Minnesota. And studies are showing that the result is a dropping recidivism rate-statistical proof of changed lives. The evidence is indisputable: The Church, when it is the Church, behind the prison walls is transforming the surrounding culture. So this coming Sunday, I'll be back in prison-the Broward County Correctional Institute in Florida. I'll tell the story again of "Jesus the Prisoner" dying in our place, promising eternal life to a condemned felon and rising again. Prisoners will respond to the Gospel, and the prison culture will be changed. But there's a lesson here for the rest of us-one we should reflect upon as we prepare to celebrate the resurrection. Evangelicals are shamefully casual about the Church. We hop from one church to the next; we act more like spectators than participants. Our lack of commitment to the Church is one reason 68 percent of Americans say there's no such thing as moral truth. But when we get serious and become the Church we're supposed to be - worshiping, praying, studying the Word, celebrating the sacraments and ordinances, administering discipline-our culture will be transformed. If it can happen in the prisons, where people come from the most hopeless backgrounds imaginable, it can-by God's grace-happen in your community. Copyright (c) 2003 Prison Fellowship Ministries -<>- ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | | | \x/ | | | | V | | /____\ /____\ | | | | / \ / \ | | | | `~~| |~~' |\ /| >Mothers Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have in the past gone to Iran? They're all men! How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find any minute particles that could reveal possible cheating? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and splatters on the floor.... and these are the people we have sent into Iran to search for hidden particles for possible Nuclear weapons of mass destruction? I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in. Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope. Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a quarter-inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake. A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away. By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to a question, she can read an offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective. So... considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection team, why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats? My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab a guy by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, "Young man, do you have any particles of mass destruction?" And God help him if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him down the street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?" Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his bare bottom with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the whole of Iran. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying about it, he'd cut every lawn in Iran for free for the whole darn summer. Inspectors my butt... You want the job done? Call my mother. ENOUGH SAID! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Nation's Tallest Flagpole http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flagpole.html No Word's Needed http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords.html Animal Family Portraits! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfamilies.html Magical Tiny Snails http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snails.html Awesome Bridge http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebridge.html John Scape's Basement http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html Volkner Mobil RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv.html World's Fastest Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Ten Life Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetips.html Friends: Lion, Tiger And Bear! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liontigerbear.html Proud Of Our Troops 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops8.html Wedding Fails!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingfails.html Wishing Lamp!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wishinglamp.html Kids With Dads!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithdads.html Only ONE Job 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html Got A Nanosecond 5? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano5.html Beautiful Flowers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bflowers.html Festival Of Citrus!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orangefest.html Ladies Unleashed!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html Witty Comebacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comebacks.html Stainless VS Gold!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stainlesscar.html Trump - Making America Great Again!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpposters.html -<>- Carol Burnett TP Humor https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMTSbSrvcRg The Great Toilet-Paper Panic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX_FTiRB5QI Bloopers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2b5C6Xp3pwA -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) 'Commander' of New Mexico group that detained migrants near border is sentenced https://tinyurl.com/yapk453q Biden Stumbles Through Televised Interview on Coronavirus Response: ‘You Know, There’s — During World War II, You Know, Where Roosevelt Came Up With A Thing’ https://tinyurl.com/y7z3n7x3 --- ...Oh Gee! Thanks Victor! I couldn't figure out why Obama had Biden for his VP - always thought pf him as an idiot joker. And he said some nasty racist things about Obama when he first was getting to know him. Now I think Biden has some serious old age mental ability problems and is a pervert to boot! All that touchy-feely stuff with little girls and women is rather disgusting. One thing to talk about it guy-to-guy on a hot- mike like Trump got caught talking about women and it is another to have lots of video of Biden actually publicly caught being a sick pervert with females of all ages. Gross! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Mathieu Bich performs one of his amazing magic tricks, which even other magicians can't figure out. https://youtu.be/YjiTAkKhG28 Playing For Change shares with us their music video of "Listen To The Music" performed by musicians around the world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4sK8d48Exs --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) It may come to this - let's hope not!! LADY DIES AT BUS STOP https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LawuQG8Z81w --- ...HaHaHa! Oh My! Thanks Linda! Here's everything you didn't want to know about - a Sneezing bus stop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJZoEDrSpxk More Bus Stop fun... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWXictuN0wI AND To really freak you out... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynvKWYvyCqw -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) Soaring Valor (Short Film) - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/l3P15s4zWNQ --- ...Sweet! Thanks Cloie! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Experts say the majority of Facebook users had their data harvested from taking online quizzes. So, it's worse than we thought - now, Russia also knows how stupid we are." -Conan O'Brien "According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it's fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the other 88 percent know not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on their taxes." -Jimmy Fallon "The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2017 while eating a hot dog from 2005." -Conan O'Brien "The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you've been overpaying all year long. It's like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, 'Oh, presents.'" -Jimmy Kimmel "Flu season is behind us, allergy season is here. It's nice to see people in L.A. allergic to something other than gluten for a change." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new report did not name New York City as one of the 25 best places to live in the country. 'I'm shocked!' said an adult New Yorker with six roommates." -Seth Meyers "A motorcycle gang in Canada is attacking businesses they don't like by giving them mass one-star reviews online. They're the fearsome badass biker gang known as 'Yelp's Angels.'" -Conan O'Brien "A new poll has found that a majority of Americans believe the government is spying on them. 'No, we're not,' said your microwave." -Seth Meyers "The workout company CrossFit is now getting into the meal delivery business. But their meal kit is getting mixed reviews because, well, it isn't really a meal, it's nothing but ten pounds of raw meat. And you thought your dog chased the mailman before." -James Corden Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************