An Etch-A-Sketch And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
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Group home page:
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or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
>-->OoooWEeeee!!
oo
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-- ''-- --- VK/ejm
I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala
has been blessed with another donation from our long time
Shangrala Angel, Cloie from NH! May God Bless her richly!
She is a loyal supporter contributing to help Keep Shangrala
Alive! We sure do thank God for her and all our past most
sweet and wonderful angels!
If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala
Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button.
A Secure PAYPAL page comes up.
NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item'
form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is
you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your
normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United
States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like.
EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP!
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html
OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
Elrhea Bigham
502 S. Harrison
Van Wert, OH 45891
*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND For Google Plus Users:
You can find me here... Shangy Bigham
https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Both of our scorching hot new pages are from our friend Bunni.
This first one is one you'll find especially cute with a
macro photographer that brings us tiny creatures up close
so we can see how adorable they are. Be sure to check this
one out here...
.-=--.
.' .--. '.
: : .-.'. : _ _
: : : .': : (o)o)
: '. '-' .' ////
fsc _'.__'--=' '-.//i'
.-' /
'---..____...---''
Magical Tiny Snails 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snails2.html
Our second newbie is sure to bring you some smiles too. It is
often amazing how God's creatures get along with each other
and show us that it doesn't matter what you look like, it
is how you are on the inside that counts. These two found true
friendship with each other even though they are so different.
Be sure to check it and the video out here...
( )
(oo)
)\.-----/(O O)
# ; / u
( . |} )
|/ `.;|/;
" " "
unknown
The Cow And Tortoise!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cow.html
---
...This one too makes me think that a tortoise must be a very
nurturing creature to those in need around it. This is our second
story of a desperate baby animal needing companionship and
finding it with a tortoise making a lifelong bonding friendship.
Check the page for the link to the other story.
These are in loving memory of our friend Bunni - we deeply miss her.
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is
that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told
Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the
lights and lock the doors.
The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with
suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease
with an option to buy.
-<>-
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Storm
>Things you'll never hear from a Redneck
1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
2. "Duct tape won't fix that."
3. "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken."
4. "We don't keep firearms in this house."
5. "You can't feed that to the dog."
6. "I thought Graceland was tacky."
7. "No kids in the back of the pick-up...it's not safe."
8. "Professional wresslin's fake."
9. "Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?"
10. "We're vegetarians."
11. "Do you think my hair is too big?"
12. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy."
13. "Honey, these bonsai trees need watering."
14. "I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR."
15. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds."
16. "Deer heads detract from the decor."
17. "Spitting is such a nasty habit."
18. "Trim the fat off that steak."
19. "Cappuccino tastes better than espresso."
20. "The tires on that truck are too big."
21. "I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad."
22. "I've got it all on a DVD disk."
23. "Unsweetened tea tastes better."
24. "Would you like your fish poached or broiled?"
25. "My fiance is registered at Tiffany's."
26. "She's too old to be wearing that bikini."
27. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"
28. "Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side."
29. "I believe you cooked those green beans too long."
30. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla."
31. "Elvis who?"
32. "Checkmate."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 6 is Wiggle Your Toes Day
August 7 is National Lighthouse Day
August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day
August 9 is Book Lover's Day
August 10 is Lazy Day and National S'mores Day
August 11 is Presidential Joke Day and Son and Daughter Day
August 12 is Middle Child's Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
.-"-.
/ _ \
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_|_|_|_|_
"--...-". . "---...--jro""
. . .
. (( //
_ ('< <') _ . .
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. `._.' `._.' . .
|| . <| . .
. ^^. ^ . .
"Yeah, well, I couldn't take
anymore, so I told the big
bully he could just go and
cluck himself."
>Chicken Problems
A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens
fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being God's
creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.
The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower
beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit I
noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning
to bloom.
So I asked him how he managed to keep the birds away. "How did you
make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?"
"One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and
the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I wasn't bothered
after that."
-<>-
>Closed Caption
I have never had the best of hearing and it hasn't improved over the years.
I'd wager my left ear's acoustic acuity is well below 50% and my
right ear probably not more than 70%, which certainly makes for some
interesting conversations from time to time.
I finally broke down and turned on the CLOSED CAPTION feature of my
television and it has made all the difference in the world. Those
tiny TV set speakers just weren't working out. I have found that I
don't need the captions turned on for everything, particularly
sporting events. Are those commentators paid by the word, or what?
At any rate, now I can read all those important whispery movie scenes
I've never been able to understand. And I will never miss a [CROW CAWS
IN THE DISTANCE] or a [WATER DRIPPING IN SINK] again.
-<>-
>New Lawn Mower
At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower.
"This thing is great," he bragged to my brother. "It took me only an
hour and a half to mow the lawn. It used to take your grandmother two
days to do it all!"
-<>-
>Company Policy
A shopper at the grocery store had written a check for her purchases
and was waiting for the clerk to bag them. Instead, he asked for
identification, citing company policy. The flustered shopper
responded, "But I'm your mother!"
-<>-
>Diet Tips
A weight loss group was discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned
that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as
watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep
was a factor. Another replied. "Of course sleep is a factor. The only
time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
.--.
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>SMILES
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, 'Robert
doesn't appreciate what I do for him!'
'Now, now,' her mother comforted, 'I am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding.'
'No, mother,' the young woman laments. 'I bought a frozen turkey loaf
and he yelled at me about the price.'
'Well, that is being miserly,' the mother agreed, 'Those turkey rolls
are only a few dollars.'
'No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the
airplane ticket.'
'Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?'
'Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on
the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to
Alaska.'
----------
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free
time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you
have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she
replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his
down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass
and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I
don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried
the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
---------
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum
walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will
you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you
gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will
you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who
doesn't drink or gamble?"
----------
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb
and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take
you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a
cripple."
----------
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One
has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after
fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans
over and asks the other what his secret is. "mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm
mmm." "I'm sorry, what did you say?" "mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits
something into his hand. "You've got to keep your worms warm."
-------
When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it.
Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a plain old
lazy fart."
"Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell
my wife!"
----------
*
_| __
(__ Question _)
|
*
jgs
>POINTS TO PONDER
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come the Americans choose from just two people for their President
and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
If a 999 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Meanwhile, on Easter Island.....
I am the All-Knowing Great One.
What is your question?
______ ,
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J__________L
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J / \ L
J / \ L Dude, where's my car?
| /______\ | '
| ____________ | ##
J' `L [[#
| `------------' | .||>
| | dd
#################################################dp
---- The ANSWERS TO The Above ----
Can you cry under water?
Answer: Yes when you see a Shark!
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Answer: Only if it’s a democrat.
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Answer: to hold on to the money.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny"
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Answer: Taxes
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?
Answer: Only if you’re not cremated.
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Answer: So they can’t roll it down the street.
What did cured ham actually have?
Answer: Obesity
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Answer: It makes it easier for terrorist to push a bomb.
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
every two hours?
Answer: They’re over 65 and need to go to the bathroom.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Answer: just a quiet moment.
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Answer: It all depends where you’re sitting.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Answer; Too see who to drop a water balloon on.
How come the Americans choose from just two people for their President
and fifty for Miss America?
Answer: The Democrats can only remember one name and the Republicans
who know who they want and the independents’ can’t decide who they
want.
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see
you naked anyway.
Answer: To get their camera.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Answer: no one it’s too late.
---
...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Cloie :)
_
(_)
<___>
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| | * * *| * | (________________
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| | * * *| * | | |
| |* * * |* *|####|##############|
| |~~~~~~| * | | |
| |######|* *|####|##############|
| | |~~~' | |
| |######|########|##############|
| | | | |
| |######|########|##############|
| |~~~~~~| | |
| | |########|##############|
| | '~~~~~~~~| |
| | |##########JGS#|
| | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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>A time to kneel
Posted by Ted Nugent on FaceBook
WRITTEN by Stanislaus Drew - Drew originally wrote it as a guest
columnist in 2016 after former 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick
started the National Anthem demonstrations.
https://www.truthorfiction.com/take-a-knee-by-ted-nugent/
Take a little trip to Valley Forge in January. Hold a musket ball in
your fingers and imagine it piercing your flesh and breaking a bone or
two. There won’t be a doctor or trainer to assist you until after the
battle, so just wait your turn. Take your cleats and socks off to get a
real experience.
Then take a knee.
Then, take a knee on the beach in Normandy where man after American man
stormed the beach, even as the one in front of him was shot to pieces …
the very sea stained with American blood. The only blockers most had
were the dead bodies in front of them, riddled with bullets from enemy
fire.
Take a knee in the sweat soaked jungles of Vietnam. From Khe San to
Saigon ... anywhere will do. Americans died in all those jungles. There
was no playbook that told them what was next, but they knew what flag
they represented. When they came home, they were protested as well, and
spit on for reasons only cowards know.
Take another knee in the blood drenched sands of Fallujah in 110 degree
heat .. Wear your Kevlar helmet and battle dress. Your number won’t be
printed on it unless your number is up! You’ll need to stay hydrated but
there won’t be anyone to squirt Gatorade into your mouth. You’re on your
own.
There are a lot of places to take a knee where Americans have given
their lives all over the world.. When you use the banner under which
they fought as a source for your displeasure, you dishonor the memories
of those who bled for the very freedoms you have. That’s what the red
stripes mean. It represents the blood of those who spilled a sea of it
defending your liberty.
While you’re on your knee, pray for those that came before you, not on a
manicured lawn striped and printed with numbers to announce every inch
of ground taken … but on nameless hills and bloodied beaches and
sweltering forests and bitter cold mountains .. every inch marked by an
American life lost serving that flag you protest.
No cheerleaders, no announcers, no coaches, no fans ...just American men
and women delivering the real fight against those who chose to harm us
...blazing a path so you would have the right to “take a knee.” You
haven’t any inkling of what it took to get you where you are ...but your
“protest” is duly noted. Not only is it disgraceful to a nation of real
heroes, it serves the purpose of pointing to your ingratitude for those
who chose to defend you under that banner that will still wave long
after your jersey is retired.
If you really feel the need to take a knee, come with me to church on
Sunday and we’ll both kneel before Almighty God. We’ll thank Him for
preserving this country for as long as He has. We’ll beg forgiveness for
our ingratitude for all He has provided us. We’ll appeal to Him for
understanding and wisdom. We’ll pray for liberty and justice for
all…because He is the one who provides those things. But there will be
no protest. There will only be gratitude for His provision and a plea
for His continued grace and mercy on the land of the free and the home
of the brave. It goes like this ...GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!
---
...Absolutely! So profound and true! Thank You Cloie!
See also:
An Open Letter
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/openletter.html
These Colors
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/thesecolors.html
Amazing Athlete Homes 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes2.htm
=======================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
|
__________ |
_ __ _ | | |
/_\ / \ /_\ | | |
=|= | // | =|= | | |
! \__/ ! | | |
_ | | |
___ ___ //' | | |
[___] _ :=| |=: __T_||_T__ |p= | |
| ~| =)_)= | | [__________] | | |
| | (_( |xXx| \_ _/ | | |
| | )_) """"" \ / | | |
\___| | | | | |
| `========, | | | | |
__`. .'_________________| |________|__________lc_|
`. .' (____) \
_| |_... .;;;;;;;;. \
(________);;;; :;;;;;;;;;;:
:::::::' '::::::::'
Narrow-Necked Jars and Vases Cleaning
Clean those narrow-necked jars and vases with small gravel
(aquarium gravel works the best). Fill one-third of the jar
with water. Add a handful of gravel, and then stir and shake
the jar. The gravel will scour the inside of the jar clean.
Dump the gravel into a strainer, give it a quick rinse (so
it doesn't stink!) and save it for next time. You'll wonder
why you didn't think of that yourself!
Spot-Clean Bathrooms Nightly
Just as clutter attracts clutter, bathroom funk quickly
multiplies. Stock every bathroom with Lysol wipes and you can
quickly and easily clean the countertop and toilet when you brush
your teeth or help the kids get ready for bed, Alkhas says.
While wiping, you'll naturally put away the floss, hair ties,
and other clutter in your path.
Why am I now just learning this awesome tip???
Before you set out to chop up something very finely with
your nice kitchen knife, wipe the blade with a touch of
olive oil. This will help keep the stuff your mincing from
getting stuck to the surface of your knife and getting in
the way.
Meal Freezing Tips and Hints:
* Meal plan then designate a day of the week, like a Sunday
afternoon (or even better, a weekday night to skip the
grocery store crowds), to do a bunch of bulk cooking. Put
a few dishes in the refrigerator to easily reheat for dinner
and freeze a few other dishes for later in the week.
Casseroles and other simple recipes freeze well and reheat
in no time so you can skip the expense of fast-food.
* In general, frozen foods keep for about 1 to 3 months in the
freezer. Before you start adding more food to your freezer,
you should take a look at what is already in there. Clean
it, organize it, throw out old foods, etc.
* Rotate older meals to the front of your freezer so you will
use them first.
* Use the right containers. To help prevent freezer burn and
oxidation, use packaging that is durable, water-proof, leak-
proof, and resistant to low temperatures. I use disposable
foil pans, covering the food with a layer of plastic wrap
and then foil, and quality 'freezer' resealable bags the
most often. (I sometimes double up on the bags to help
prevent leaks.)
* Remove as much air as possible from the packaging before
freezing the meal. You can use a straw to suck the air out
of bags, when raw meat is not inside. When covering a meal
with plastic wrap, try not leave space for any air as well.
You can also use a foodsaver to get all the air out and seal.
---
...For those zip-top bags...
If you have enough room in the bag, crease it over so the
sealing flap overlays the food. Then spread your hand over the
food area (like you would to get wrinkles out of a bed sheet) or
press the food area part down to force all the air out. Once the
air is out, seal the bag with the seal still overlapping the food.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
NFL not to force Anthem standing except for the Dallas Cowboys!
https://tinyurl.com/yal3b3fc
Trump's New Job Numbers Will Leave You Speechless:
A separate BLS Household Survey offers more indications of a strong,
growing U.S. economy. The unemployment rate edged down 0.1 percentage
point (p.p.) over the month to 3.9 percent, a 0.9 p.p. decrease since
January 2017. This is just the eighth time since 1970 that the
unemployment rate has fallen below 4 percent, with three of these
occasions occurring in 2018. The unemployment rate for Hispanics has
reached another historic low, reaching 4.5 percent in July. This is the
second month in a row the unemployment rate for Hispanics has reached
the lowest level recorded since the series began in 1973. The July
unemployment rate for individuals with less than a high school diploma
fell 0.4 p.p. over the month to 5.1 percent in July, the lowest level
since the series began in 1992. The July unemployment rate for adult men
was 3.4 percent, the lowest since December 2000.
http://1600daily.com/2018/08/03/huge-job-growth-america-july/
President Trump’s Plan To Defend America’s Elections
We’re going to take strong action to secure our election systems and the
process.
https://tinyurl.com/y8tfm4uv
Sean Hannity August 3 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4k0Si0SaMyw
Or View it here if above doesn't work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LA6ZxnIBkY
The Ingraham Angle 8/3/18
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k3J1rygdjU
The Pro-Trump Celebrities No One Told You About
http://1600daily.com/2018/08/03/pro-trump-celebrities/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Move America Forward
http://www.moveamericaforward.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Sure, the price of meat has been going up lately, but even
still, fitting 100 bucks worth of steaks down your pants
has got to be uncomfortable. But I'm starting this story
backwards.
The Nash County Sheriff's Office of North Carolina said a
man managed to steal $100 worth of steaks from a Walmart
in Nashville by stuffing them down his pants. They even
posted a picture of the meat. The man then fled the scene
on a moped.
He made his getaway on a moped in the pouring rain. When
deputies pulled him over, they found at least 10 packages
of steak stuffed down the man's pants. The sheriff's
office posted a photo of the steaks laid out on the hood
of a deputy's cruiser, along with photos of the arrest.
There is a kind of poetry to the scene. A man, alone on his
moped in the rain. With 10 steaks in his pants.
The sheriff's office did not identify the man and didn't
say what was done with the recovered steaks. At that point
you might as well let him keep the meat. Nobody else is
going to eat it.
-<>-
{Warning - Graphic!]
In a bizarre and tragic accident a Russian man was killed by
his bathroom.
Occasionally you will hear stories about people going to the
hospital to have bizarre things removed from their bodies.
Usually those object have to be removed from one end in
particular. Unfortunately, in this story the object had to
be removed from the other end.
The 60-year-old man in question apparently slipped in his
bathroom and fell on a toilet brush, which was lodged in
his skull through his eye socket.
The man was taken to a hospital near the Russian capital
Moscow with the blood-soaked brush still jammed in his head.
Surgeons had to open the man's skull in an attempt to remove
the handle which was embedded in his head through his right
eye. The toilet brush was cut off immediately above the eye
of the patient but it was not possible to remove the handle.
Surgeons decided to open the skull and remove first the
broken bones and then the handle of the toilet brush.
At first the surgery appeared to be successful, but the
patient remained in a coma. Unfortunately his condition
deteriorated and he died days later.
I don't know about anybody else, but I am going home and
moving the toilet brush out of my bathroom tonight.
-<>-
*-------- $600 Gamble Wins Man $10,000 ---------*
With a strategy that kind of takes of fun out of things, a
Delaware man's $600 gamble paid off when he bought an entire
book of scratch-off tickets and won a $10,000 jackpot.
Andrew Dera told Delaware Lottery officials he was at the
Shop & Stop store when the $250 Grand MegaMillions scratch-
off tickets caught his attention. "I've never seen a $25
ticket before, so I thought, why not," he said, "I had a gut
feeling about this one." Dera forked out $600 to buy an
entire book of 24 tickets at $25 each. The lucky player said
his 11th ticket was the big winner. "I scratched the doubler
and saw $5,000 and hit the brakes. I had to do a double take.
I still can't believe it," he said. "It'll make it easier
for a while," he added.
*------ A Short Swim To The Train Station ------*
The Swedes don't like to waste opportunities. When a heavy
storm flooded a train station some of the local residents
turned the platforms into a makeshift water park. Several
people posted pictures on social media of bathers bobbing
along the submerged tracks on inflatables while wearing
flippers and swim masks. Some people questioned the safety
of the operation, remarking that bathers could possibly be
at risk or disease or of being electrocuted. But another
described the bathers as "absolute legends". Unfortunately
the party ended pretty quickly, with the emergency services
hastily pumping the water from the station and returning it
to normal.
+- Arkansas Man Tried to Steal Jet To Go To Concert -*
Police say an Arkansas man accused of trying to steal a
commercial jet told investigators he thought piloting the
plane would involve little more than pushing buttons and
pulling levers. Investigators say 18-year-old Zemarcuis
Devon Scott wanted to fly to an out-of-state concert when
he hopped inside an American Eagle jet at Texarkana Regional
Airport. The Texarkana Gazette reports Scott was inside the
cockpit when he was arrested early on July 4. He was charged
and remained jailed Thursday on commercial burglary and
attempted theft of property charges. It was not reported
what group Scott thought it was worth stealing a jet to go
see.
=========================================================
>-->A Classic From Scarlett Via Our Friend Bunni :)
_____
| D
| |
| |
\___| _
|| _______ -( (-
|_'(-------) '-'
| /
_____,-\__..__|_____Pr59
>A Public Bathroom
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,
you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't
matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The
dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no
doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook,
if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape
it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on
the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance. '
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can
hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the
seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs
shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the
one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck,
that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the
same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way
possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door
hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your
chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the
toilet.
'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your
footing altogether and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too
late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and
life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet
paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You
know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,
you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat
because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you
could get.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire
hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water
that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The
flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto
the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the
wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper
you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the
sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic
sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and
walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the
very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from
your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper
from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly,
'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and
left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and
why is your purse hanging around your neck?'
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms
(rest??? You've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men
what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly
asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so
the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you
Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so
accurately!
---
...Always Cracks me up! Thanks Scarlet!
Brings me to another story for you...
_.-'____ ___ ___ ___ .'
_..--| |/ |__ __| || | U|
| | | || | \/ | || | |
| | | || | / \ || | |
| | | || | \ / || | |
| | | 8] | | || | |
| | | || | | \| | | ,----==-_--.
| | | || | | | | | < \/\/ (_ |
| | | || | | | /| | '----..----'
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'-._|-._____,-._________________-. ||
'-__________ _____,._______| ''
""
Petrus
>Outhouses - by emb
I am surprised someone hasn't written a story about what women had to
go through using one of those old public gas station outhouses!
I remember having to use one on my way to Disneyland in Florida with
a group of friends. If you've never visited a public gas station outhouse,
I'd advise you to not go there - Ever!
It gets pretty hot in the summer down South. We stopped for gas and I
was looking for a little relief on our long drive. I was told they had
a restroom out back just down the path a little ways from the woods.
To my dismay, I realized they didn't have a running water bathroom -
Just an old, dark, unpainted, cracking wood outhouse. Nothing can quite
prepare you for the filth, stench and heat of a public outhouse!
I was thankful there was a cheap toilet paper roll on the dirt ground.
But there was only the sunlight filtering in from the numerous cracks
in the old wood to view the wooden seat. One had to put paper down to
cover it just to ensure no splinters if you actually dared to sit on it!
By 'seat' I am referring to the big hole carved into a square wooden
plank stand that covered the hole of human waste in the ground a couple
feet or so below.
That wasn't the worst of it actually. The heat and the smell from that
human waste and the buzzing of flies attracted to it was nothing
compared to the sheer terror of having to be enclosed in that small
dark area to relieve myself. While becoming accustomed to the limited
light in there, to my horror I learned that I was not alone. In every
corner, every spot, every little area I could see my most hated and
feared little creature. Spiders and their webs were everywhere. I even
saw webs spanning down inside the hole of the seat!
I don't think I even wiped properly I was so terrified! I ran out of
there like a banshee was chasing me! I was creeped out for quite some
time with that all too familiar 'buggy' feeling like something was
crawling all over me and going to get me!
That was my last outhouse experience - Thank God! I never can understand
people saying nice things about how much they miss outhouses! Really?
Jas.1
[17] Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh
down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither
shadow of turning.
Remembering that experience, I still praise God He gave us running water
and indoor plumbing!
Here's some of those 'nice' outhouses I never saw or used. These will
give you a good idea of the size of a normal outhouse.
Texas Outhouse Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html
Here's what the inside of an old outhouse looks like without all the
nasty bugs and dirty filth:
https://tinyurl.com/y8fgz5cy
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
,``'.'
/ \ \ \
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/ / | |
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==/ | |
| | ==/
| | / |
\ | Pru | |
V | |
V
>A Bad Day at the Course
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very
tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack
and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag
Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
-<>-
>Keep It Down
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human
body?
Patient: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
-<>-
>Calling Off
A phone call came to a school.
Caller: My daughter can't come to school today.
School Secretary: Alright, but what's the relation between you and the
student?
Caller: This is my mother speaking.
-<>-
>Can We Have A Word?
Husband: Do you know that on an average women says between 10,000 to
35,000 words a day?
Wife: Yes, that's because they have to repeat everything often to men.
Husband: What?
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the window?
A: He wanted it to be clear.
Q: What squeaks as it solves crimes?
A: Miami mice!
Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It's sweeping the nation!
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
.".".".
(` `) _.-=-.
'._.--.-; .-` -' '.
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`;---) \ ; / / ;' _-_.-' `
`;"` ; \ ; . .' _-' \
( ) | | / .-.-' -`
'-.-' \ | .' ` '.-'-\`
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/ '-._ \` / _;-,
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\ / `";`-`,-"`)
\ \ '-- `\.\
'. '._ '-- '--'/
`-._ `'----'`;
`"""--.____,/
\\ \
// /`
___// /__
jgs (`(`(---"-`)
Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
A: Cockerpoodledoo!
Q: Why do dogs run in circles?
A: Because its hard to run in squares!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
\||/ ,--.
| o|o //OO\\
| _| ||c ||
|(_ | /|
`--' `--' azc
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,
and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave
me the wrong change!"
"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier.
"We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing
I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."
"Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like
to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."
-<>-
My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man
stopped us to ask if we would take part in a survey. One of
the questions was; "Do you think there is too much sex in
movies?"
"I don't know," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped
up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is
doing."
-<>-
Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was
under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore
left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in
the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown."
I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until
I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt
and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked,
"Are you giving out balloons?"
-<>-
I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker
that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an
very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light
is still red, you MORON!?"
-<>-
SOMETIMES...
Sometimes...
when you cry,
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain,
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried,
no one sees your stress.
Sometimes...
when you are happy,
no one sees your smile.
But fart just ONE TIME!
-<>-
In order to make the world a better place, the following rules
will take immediate effect across the planet.
1. It is no longer permitted to be stupid and slow. You must
choose one or the other.
2. If in the course of parking your car you are not able to
maneuver the vehicle into a space in less time than it takes
to undergo and recover from open heart surgery, it is not
permitted to park in that space.
3. If you are waiting for an elevator that is slow to come
and you are the sort of person who pushes the call button
repeatedly in the belief that it will make a difference, you
are no longer permitted to use elevators.
4. Boxes of Christmas cards that carry messages like "May
your holidays be wrapped in warmth and touched with wonder"
must bear a label on the outside of the box saying: "Do Not
Purchase - Message Inside Is Embarrassing and Sentimental."
5. In office buildings and retail premises in which entry
is through double doors and one of those doors is locked
for no reason, the door must bear a large sign saying: "This
Door Is Locked for No Reason."
6. Liver and goat cheese will no longer be regarded as
foods. In fancy restaurants, salads may no longer contain
anything that can be found growing at the side of any public
highway.
7. When standing in line at a retail establishment, it is
not permitted to engage the sales assistant in conversation
regarding the weather, the health or personal relationships
of mutual acquaintances or other matters not relevant to the
purchase.
7a. Anyone who reaches the front of a line and says, "Now
what do I want?" and purses his lips thoughtfully or drums
his fingers on his chin while studying the ordering options
as if for the first time will be taken outside and shot.
8. Any electronic clock on which the time is set by holding
down a button and scrolling laboriously through the minutes
and hours is illegal. Also, when you are trying to set the
alarm for, say, 7:00 a.m. and the numbers get to about 6:52
and then suddenly speed up and you discover that you have
gone past the desired hour and have to start all over, that
is extremely illegal.
9. All Americans will appreciate irony. Britons will under-
stand that two ice cubes in a drink is not nearly enough.
[This list was written by Bill Bryson in his book I'M A
STRANGER HERE MYSELF. The original list contained several
other items, but that would have made it too long for
publication here, and to tell you the truth the other items
weren't really that funny anyway.]
=========================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
.---------.
_ |:: [-=-] |
| | |_________|
|~|
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I\ ,__ ,;;;, __, ///\\\\\
I |{ / . . \ } / " \\||
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I | /~~|===|~~\ | (( |
jgs I || |===| || ||_/
/^\ "~ '^^^' "" ((__|
>At a Hospital
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his
ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to
get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a
tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter),
and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the
heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the sh*t
out of a ghost."
-<>-
.---------------------------------.
| |
| .-----------------------. |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| __ | | __ |
|/ \'-----------------------'/ \|
jgs |\__/E t c h - A - S k e t c h\__/|
'---------------------------------'
>New Corporate Policy - An Etch-A-Sketch
Our Corporate Operations Committee has defined a lower cost alternative
to the previously planned switch to LINUX systems.
All computers will be removed from every desktop.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
There are many sound and viable reasons for this decision:
1. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
2. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
3. Reduction in technical support calls will reduce our costs
associated with maintaining our I.S. help desk.
4. Reduction in hardware costs.
5. Elimination of all software license fees.
6. Reduction in the amount of training necessary for new hires.
7. Can be used at the desktop as well as away from the office due
its extreme portability.
8. Extremely low cost makes them disposable (when one breaks, we will
simply replace it).
9. We can now hire 1st graders to do your job.
10. We will maintain a virus free environment...No more Norton.
In anticipation of the questions some of you will undoubtedly have
regarding this corporate decision, we have prepared a list of the most
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the
screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
-<>-
_
| |
| |===( ) //////
|_| ||| | o o|
||| ( c ) ____
||| \= / || \_
|||||| || |
|||||| ...||__/|-"
|||||| __|________|__
||| |______________|
||| || || || ||
||| || || || ||
------------------------|||-------------||-||------||-||-------
|__> || || || ||
hit any key to continue
>How To Start Your Day With Positive Outlook
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Chores."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Chores
permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly...
7. Feel better?
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Eagle Rescue!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html
Bear Rescue 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue3.html
Crocodile Man!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crocodileman.html
Animal Friends!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html
Dolphin Rescue!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dolphinrescue.html
Adopted Chimp!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adoptedchimp.html
Buttons The Elk!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buttons.html
Rescued Squirrel!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rsquirrel.html
Beaker The Duck!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beakertheduck.html
Elephant Rescue 4!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant4.html
Dog Rescue Stories!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues.html
Feeding The Eagles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html
Great Horned Owls!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owl.html
Breeze And Buttons!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/breezeandbuttons.html
Snowflake The Duck!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowflaketheduck.html
Australian Cockatoo Story!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html
Australian Penguins Rescued!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue2.html
-<>-
POKE-A-SHEEP
We all count sheep to fall asleep, but what happens when your
dream turns into a nightmare? Your grassy knoll is overrun by
sheep on pogo sticks; that's what! Stop 'em! Oh, dear God, stop
'em in Eclectech's Pointless But Fun flash game.
http://eclectech.co.uk/poke-a-sheep.php
RANDOM PICKUP LINE GENERATOR
Are you tired of trying out those same old pickup lines that
never work? Glossy News' ice-breaking tool will give you
some different ideas, with gems like: "Your sweet skin sings
to me, as a poet describes [a] flawless rainbow. Too bad
you're my intern."
http://www.glossynews.com/tools/pickup.htm
Drunk Monkeys Fail - Weird Nature
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmnzIhbX2bg
Mink and Dog Cleanup Backyard Rats
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjebAlfrexA
If it were not FILMED, no one would BELIEVE IT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FnN4vseiXQ
Moments Caught On Camera #39
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53x4NG2H5FQ
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
She sent us a sweet one we have here:
Kyle The Goose
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kylegoose.html
---
...Love this one! Thanks LouiseAu!
The acrobatic dance group 'Zurcaroh' wows the judges and audience of
America's Got Talent 2018 and receives the 'Golden Buzzer' from Tyra
Banks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55oeNJ9tkFA
Amazing flexibility, elegance and grace. A video clip from a performance
on the Chinese television channel CCTV.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aePsteMUvo
---
...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Is everyone here familiar with Crocs? Well, there's a brand-
new style that have just been introduced; high-heel Crocs!
High-heel Crocs - for the woman who wants to let everyone
know that she's the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party."
-James Corden
"IKEA has announced plans to test out small-scale stores that
could fit more easily into city environments. Just as soon as
builders can figure out the instructions." -Seth Meyers
"Yelp is going to start showing what restaurants scored on
their health inspections. If you want to know how your
favorite restaurant did, trust me, no you don't."
-Jimmy Fallon
"Alex Trebek is hinting that he might retire from 'Jeopardy!'
in 2020. When asked what he'll do in retirement, Trebek
said, 'What is start drinking at noon?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A Massachusetts man was arrested this weekend for stripping
naked and doing yoga poses in a Planet Fitness gym. That
story again, a man in Massachusetts has become the first
person ever to successfully cancel his gym membership."
-Seth Meyers
"Some big news here in California: The state's Supreme Court
just blocked an initiative asking people to vote on whether
California should be split into three separate states. Had
it split, the three different states would have been known
as Northern California, Southern California, and More Racist
Arizona." -James Corden
"Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student
in 1743 asking his parents for money. On the bright side,
just this year his student loans were finally paid off."
-Conan O'Brien
"Indonesia's anti-drug chief is proposing that the country
put narcotics offenders in a jail on an island surrounded
by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food supplies
every day but they will have to survive on their own. This
already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally watch."
-James Corden
"New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it
could be beneficial for women to eat and drink while in
labor. Though I don't think the other people in the restaurant
would be too happy about it." -Seth Meyers
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