An Obituary, Riddles, Warning Labels and More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle one is from our friend Karen. It is sure to give you your 'aww' quota a lift! Check it out here... .-. __ / \ __ ( `'.\ /.'` ) '-._.(;;;)._.-' .-' ,`"`, '-. (__.-'/ \'-.__)/)_ \ /\ / / ) '-' | \/.-') , | .'/\'..) |\ |/ | \_) \ | | \_/ | \ / \|/ _, jgs / __/ / | _/ _.' |/__/ \ Flower Art 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart3.html --- ...So cute and adorable! Thanks Karen! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: / jgs () Forgot The Bait || || __ \\ Having arrived at the edge of the / > \\ river, the fisherman soon realized ||` .-"||". he had forgotten to bring any bait. \\/ _//. `\ Just then he happened to see a little ( (-' \ \ snake passing by who had caught a worm. \ ) | | The fisherman snatched up the snake and `" / / robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry / / for the little snake with no lunch, he | ( _ snatched him up again and poured a little \ `.-.-.'o`\ beer down his throat and went about his fishing. '.( ( ( .--' __ `"`"'` (\ .-. .-. /_") An hour or so later the \\_//^\\_//^\\_// fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. jgs `"` `"` `"` Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 28 Is National Milk Chocolate Day July 29 Is National Lasagna Day July 30 Is National Cheesecake Day July 30 Is Father-in-Law Day July 31 Is Mutt's Day August 1 Is National Raspberry Cream Pie Day August 2 Is National Mustard Day August 3 Is National Watermelon Day, Sisters Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _______ /______/"=, [ | "=, "=,, [-----+----"=,* ) (_---_____---_)/ (O) (O) Emiliano >Convenient My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up in her neighborhood. "How convenient," she said. "I can walk to it!" -<>- >Dog Baseball My nephew trained his three weimaraners to play baseball. While visiting us, the family started playing a baseball game. The dogs were positioned at left, center and right fields. Whenever a batter hit the ball, one of the dogs would retrieve it, bring it to the pitcher and then return to the outfield. When it was my brother's turn at bat, he tried to swing hard but hit the ball only about 40 feet. Next time he approached home plate, all three dogs came into the infield and waited. -<>- >Eye Location One afternoon a mom was driving with her two little girls in the back seat. After a few minutes of listening to them argue, she yelled, "Knock it off, both of you!" The older girl asked, "How did you know what we were doing?" "Mommies have eyes in the back of their heads." was the reply. A few weeks later, the gang was again out driving, doing some errands. "Mommy," one girl asked innocently, "do you still have eyes in the back of your head?" "Of course I do," the mom responded. "Why do you ask?" "Well," she said, pointing to the object in her hands, "I thought maybe you could read us this book while you drive." -<>- >New Waitress A new and inexperienced waitress tells another waitress she is concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them. The other waitress explains that tray stands are placed throughout the restaurant. The nervous beginner serves all her lunches successfully, and afterwards asks an elderly couple if everything has been all right. "It was fine, dear," replies the man, "but my wife and I have to leave now. Could she please have her walker back?" -<>- >Poisoned Apple When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) . . . ' s \ ' . . . : , a ` c - i . b \ _ ' . i o O . - }{' o . . O - . ` ` \ ,.--------------------------,, |%`````````````````````````` | |%. | |%% _ _ | +%%.( ) ( ) .+',gg. ``-f t--------------f tgi$b.d%%%,. `-{___} `-{___}%%%%%%%%%%) ,gg. (%%%%%%%%%%; (%%%%g. `"?%%%%?' ,gg$f )%%%%%) ko1. """" Krzysztof Biolik ?$?' `??" `?f' Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he'd become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any magazines. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath. The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and towels, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell, and hit his back against the hard porcelain of the tub. Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and, with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax. Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?" ------- As my roommate Paddy headed towards the front door this morning, I said to him, "Where the heck are you going dressed like that?" "To Dave's fancy dress party," he replied, "I'm a tortoise." I said, "His party is not until tomorrow night!" He said, "I know, but I'm a tortoise." -------- A couple reaching their 70s are about to get married, but before they say their vows, the woman wanted to talk. She said: "I want to keep my house." He said: "That's fine with me." She said: "I want to keep my Cadillac." He said: "That's fine with me." She said: "And I want to make love 6 times a week." He said: "Put me down for Fridays." -------- A group of people here in California are fighting for the right for women to be able to sunbathe topless in California. The name of this group... guys." -------- I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?" And she walked over and stood on his foot. ------- When I arrived home from work, my wife told me to go check out our five-year-old son's bed. When I entered his room I saw that his bed had collapsed and the mattress was sitting on the floor. "What happened?" I asked him. He responded, "God did it." I went back to tell my wife. She said that when she had heard the crash, she ran into his room saying, "Oh gosh, what have you done now?" -------- I made up the signs for my mother's yard sale. One of the posters read, "SENIOR CITIZENS' SALE." A passing motorist stopped and said, "I'll take two if they babysit." -------- Moshe slips on the pavement and hurts his leg. He phones the doctor. "Oy vay, Doctor, have I hurt my leg! What should I do?" "So tell me already, what exactly are your symptoms?" "The leg is swollen way up and it hurts from the hip to the knee." "You should soak your leg in hot water." Moshe runs a hot bath and spends the next half hour keeping his bad leg under the hot water. But the leg swells up even more, causing Moshe to moan out loud. Moshe's housekeeper hears his moaning, knocks on the bathroom door, and asks him if he's all right. Moshe tells her, "I fell and hurt my leg. The doctor told me to soak it in hot water." "But that's not right," says his housekeeper. "Everyone knows that you should bathe swollen limbs in cold water, not hot. That's why it's not getting better." Moshe lets the hot water out of the tub and refills it with cold water. Bathing his leg in the cold water helps a lot and the swelling quickly subsides. After drying himself and getting dressed, Moshe leaves the bathroom and phones the doctor. "What kind of doctor are you? You tell me to soak my injured leg in hot water, and it swells up even more. But then my housekeeper tells me I should have been soaking it in cold, not hot water. And when I do this, my leg gets better!" "I don't understand it," says the doctor. "MY housekeeper distinctly told me you should soak a swollen leg in hot water." ------- A blonde gets on a double-decker "party bus" and goes to the upper level. As the bus drives down the street the lower level is having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing karaoke. On the upper part of the bus, the blonde is in a panic. She's screaming and holding onto the other passengers. Finally, someone asks what's wrong. The blonde replies, "What's wrong? You'd be screaming too -- there's no driver!" -------- While making rounds, a doctor pointed out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too." -------- A man walks into a pub and, with the most sorry look on his face, pleads to the bartender; "Look, my wife has left me, I've been fired, I've just been mugged for all my money, and I'm desperate for a drink. can you help me out??" "Of course," said the bartender, "The door is behind you. Do you want to be pushed or carried? -------- Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count to 10" periods. Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Cassie sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." -------- Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The 1st lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious? The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz." Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious? The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?? The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady. "Charm school??" the first woman cried, "Oh my! What on earth for?" The Southern lady responded, "Well for one thing, instead of saying "Who gives a crap?" I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious?" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: I am getting sick and tired of this border fiasco. A constant stream of transients, ne'er-do-wells and scofflaws have made the U.S. border security a joke. But at least one border patrol agent has stood up to this wave of criminality like a real American...with the cold, hard steel of a gun barrel. And he could have picked no better villain to make an example of than those arch scoundrels, The Boy Scouts. About 10 days into a road trip to Alaska, an Iowa Boy Scout troop reached the Canadian border into Alaska. They were stopped, like they normally would be, when Troop Leader Jim Fox said something went bad. Way bad. Fox said one of the Scouts took a picture of a border official, which spurred agents to detain everyone in that van and search them and their belongings. "The agent immediately confiscated his camera, informed him he would be arrested, fined possibly $10,000 and 10 years in prison," Fox said. Not wanting things to escalate, Fox said he did not complain. Another of the Scouts was taking luggage from the top of a van to be searched when something startling happened. "He hears a snap of a holster, turns around, and here's this agent, both hands on a loaded pistol, pointing at the young man's head," Fox explained. Because when it comes to pre-teens from Iowa wearing shorts and neckerchiefs, you can't be too careful. Ultimately no one was hurt or arrested, and after about four hours of searching and questioning they were allowed to continue their trip into Alaska. With the hot bed of international smuggling that The Boy Scouts has become, maybe they need a few more handguns pointed in their faces. If only one Scout is scared straight and off the crooked path of loyalty, helpfulness, friendliness, obedience, bravery, cleanliness, and reverence, it would be worth it. -<>- In a display of surprising ingenuity for New Jersey, or, Malaysia rather, a 16-year-old girl and an accomplice used blowpipes to sedate several cows and then stuff them in the back seat of their car. Deputy Supt Mohd Kamal Zainal said the police caught the girl and her 29-year-old accomplice, who was driving a Proton Iswara (whatever that is), in the Malaysian state of Kelantan (which is starting to sound a lot like Alabama). "The man bolted into a house but we managed to catch him. We found two cows, with their legs tied, in the back seat of the car," said DSP Mohd Kamal. "Not long after that, a Proton Wira turned up and we nabbed the 25-year-old driver. There were three sedated cows in the car." That in itself is a pretty bizarre not to mention impressive feat. Go to your web browser and search images for Proton Wira, then try to imagine stuffing 3 sedated cows into the back of one by hand. Police found several plastic containers of crystals, believed to be drugs, four modified syringes, a bottle of chemicals believed to be sedatives and two steel pipes modified to be blowpipes. -<>- *-- Washington man survives wildfire by running into it --* BREWSTER, Wash. (UPI) - It sounds counterintuitive, but a Washington man was able to rely on his instincts and survive a wildfire by running straight at it. When wildfires began rapidly approaching his Brewster home, Mark Nelson was barely able to grab his cat, Fluffy, and get out the door before the flames arrived. He got in his car and began driving, but quickly had to abandon his van after it caught on fire. Unable to get away from the blaze, Nelson decided to go to it instead. "I had to get behind the fire," Nelson told KING TV. "At one point, I said, 'This is it.' But I said, 'Hell, no ... gotta keep on moving.'" The 60-year-old grabbed Fluffy and ran at the flames before dropping to the ground at the last second to allow them to pass over him. Nelson lost his home, but he is OK and Fluffy is as well. He did sustain burns on his hand, side and legs. *-- Man allegedly robbed a bank while wearing shirt with his name on it --* DENVER (UPI) - A Colorado man made it very easy for law enforcement officials to earn their paychecks after allegedly robbing a bank while wearing a shirt with his name on it. According to police, John David Martinez went to a Wells Fargo branch in Denver wearing a personalized polo shirt bearing his name. The suspect approached a teller and said, "This is a robbery, give me the money." To make it even easier for police, the suspect also allegedly drove his own Honda to the bank so investigators were able to use the license plate to track down Martinez. Officers showed his DMV photo to a bank employee. "That's him. He's the one who robbed the bank this morning," the employee said, the Denver Channel reported. After an investigation that took all of five hours, Martinez was arrested. While he was in custody, Martinez reportedly said he had "told his wife that he had borrowed the money and did not tell her that he had robbed the bank." The 68-year-old was booked into jail in Denver on investigation of felony robbery involving $20,000 or more. *-- Woman's dine-and-dash attempt fails when she leaves purse behind --* BRANDON, Alberta (UPI) - A Canadian woman who attempted to dine-and-dash was arrested after she was forced to return to the scene of the crime because she left her purse behind. Kyla Anne MacMillan had to return to an Alberta pub after skipping out on a $160 bar tab that she had rung up with two female friends. After bailing on the bill, MacMillan returned to the bar because she had left her purse containing her medication. MacMillan's hefty tab included a pitcher of beer, chicken wings, nachos and 23 shots. According to the tab, the ladies slugged down six shots of tequila, 10 B-52s, six Dirty Hookers and one vodka shooter, the Star reported. She initially claimed that she had simply stepped outside to use an ATM, but that excuse didn't fly. The suspect pleaded guilty to fraudulently obtaining food and was fined $325, in addition to being ordered to pay the bill. MacMillan is unemployed and only had $5.35 on her during her court appearance. *-- Minor league GM to get prostate exam during game to promote cancer awareness --* MYRTLE BEACH, Fla. (UPI) - In order to help promote cancer awareness, a minor league general manager has agreed to get a prostate exam during the seventh-inning stretch of an upcoming game. To make things even more interesting, Andy Milovich will have the exam performed while he is singing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game." Milovich, the GM of the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, will undergo the examination during the Pelicans game on Thursday on one condition. He wants the Facebook page of 10-year-old Fallon Emery, a local girl who has brain cancer, to get 10,000 "likes" before the game. The page had over 8,800 likes as of Monday morning. The Pelicans are the Single-A affiliate of the Texas Rangers. "If what we do saves a kid from having to lose his or her father because they get checked out, this will be worth it," Milovich told ESPN. In addition to the stunt, the club will also be handing out 1,000 foam fingers with blue ribbons on them. "It's not like I would be getting it at home plate," Milovich said. "I'll likely do it from our radio booth and the fans will see me from the shoulder up." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' >An Obituary! Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn't always fair; - And maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. - Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with harassment for kissing a classmate; - teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; - Bus drivers unable to intervene while older youngsters gang up on smaller and younger children. - Elementary children being suspended for threatening to shoot other children with their finger. - and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, - by his parents, Truth and Trust, - by his wife, Discretion, - by his daughter, Responsibility, - and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers; - I Know My Rights - I Want It Now - Someone Else Is To Blame - I'm A Victim - Pay me for Doing Nothing --- ...Oh My! So True! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >FIVE RIDDLES... THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE 5 IS AMAZING. 1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? - / - 2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be? - / - 3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away? - / - 4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday? - / - 5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching! . . . . . . THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW: . . . . . Answers: 1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right? 2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung). 3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing. 4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow! 5. The letter "e" which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph. --- ...TeeHee! Fun ones! Thanks Linda! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Doctor once a year for his check-up, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighbourhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the house. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses what- soever. All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work hard, and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head... I think my dog might be in Congress! -<>- A husband is trying to reintroduce some romance into his marriage. So one night he says to his wife, "Tonight, I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world." She replies... "I'll miss you." -<>- One Sunday, after church, Mom asked her little daughter what the Sunday school lesson was about. Her daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your blanket." Needless to say, Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said, "Be not afraid, thy Comforter is coming." -<>- ___ /_ _\ ( - - ) __\ _ /__ "Yes sir, I know Murphey...." / \_/ \ / __ __/___________\__ / //\\ | JUDGE |\ ____ (//\\) | R.T. Baldy || / ___) _\__/_ | || (.~O=O / \ | || _\_o/ / / \ \ | || / \|/\ \_\ |/ | ||_/_|____|\__ (/_____| | | WITNESS |\ | _ _ | | | ||__| | |_____jro | | || | | | |________________|____________|/ |__|__| (__/ \__) Everyone knows Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will..." - Here are some other Laws you may not have heard! Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Lowery's Law of Home Repair: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway Beach's Law: Interchangeable parts aren't. William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. Lane's Law of Supply and Demand: The one item you need is always in short supply. Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. Norman Einstein's Law: If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. Col. Murphy's Law of Combat: Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder! -<>- "How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?" -<>- An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The girl responded confidently, "The living one!" -<>- After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage door so that we could start loading all of the boxes. Just then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn carrying a plate full of muffins. "Isn't that thoughtful," my husband said to me. "They must have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff." The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood!" -<>- Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?" ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: . : : : : : : . : : : : : . . . . . . : : : x : : x : : -------UUUU---------------- : : --------------UUUU--------- > Warning Labels Warning! Keep your pants on when sitting in the Interactive Health massage chair featuring "Human Touch Technology." The full text of this important safety tip read: "Do not use massage chair without clothing." That warning is a winner of the Wacky Warning Label Contest. Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors an annual contest for the wackiest warning labels. Second Place: "Do not use snow blower on the roof." Third Place: "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." Here are some Previous winners in the "Wacky Warning Label Contest" for your amusement and amazement: --A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions, "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." --A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user: "Remove child before folding." --A bottle of prescription sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness." --A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." --A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult." --An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." --A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious." --A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." --A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner." --A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn." -<>- A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire." -<>- Alan heard this on the radio a few months ago: NASCAR = Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks -<>- __,-O< ,-- --. \. -=' -' \ __\\O- ,--- --. `^ / ). __,-O< \ __,-O< ,-- ----' `. `\) __)\O-__ )/ ,--( ,;:. _) / `^ _)\O< / (_ .:;:;. | | `^ :;';.;:' |_ |_ | ';\||' ______/=\\______/=\\_______| JML ap :| '-'-'-[=]/'-'-'-[=]/'-'-'-/'.=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:= -'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ '. | '-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ .-' .--.--. |/| -'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ _.-'.-: .; .;|;. ;. |/|/ ___ ___ |' _.'\ :|--|--|- .;_;' ';_;. --|--|--|/|/ |] [|_|_|] [|_|_|] | |\ | \:|--|--| ; ;' '; ; -|--|--|/ |] [|_|_|] [|_|_|] | | \|--' ;; .--.___.--. ;; _______________________| |.-' ;-[ O )=( O ]-; |/| ( `--' | `--' ) ____.-". |/|/ \| ( |/ ;( ,__.)/=' |/|/ . .:::::. . ; |/ \| |/|/ . '---' . \ | |/|/ |`. .'| ` `|/|/ ,-------/| `...' |\-------, |--|--|--|/|/ ,' | `. ,' | `, |--|--|--|/ / \ /'. ,'\ / \ ; |/ \ / \| ; ; ; / ' |. ' \ \; ; ; `-' | `-' MJP >An Old Farmer's Advice: * Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. * A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. * Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled. * Meanness don't jes' happen overnight. * Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads. * Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. * It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge. * You cannot unsay a cruel word. * Every path has a few puddles. * When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. * The best sermons are lived, not preached. * Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway. * Don't judge folks by their relatives. * Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. * Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time. * Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none. * Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. * If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. * Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. * The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'. * Always drink upstream from the herd. * Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. * Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in. * If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Best Parents! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestparents.html Aww Animals 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals3.html True Duck Tales! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/duck.html Japan's Crop Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cropart.html Real Eagle Story! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagle.html Under His Wings! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wings.html Unique Mini Clocks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clocks.html A Walk In The Woods http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woods.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA: She sent us one we have here... Just Thinking! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thinking.html --- ...TeeHee! A Good one! Thanks LouiseA! Mystifier Mike Super leaves the judges and audience of America's Got Talent 2014 speechless with his amazing magic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=anMqVWTd8-w Magician Mat Franco stretches the boundaries of a card trick and paints a picture of Howie Mandel at America's Got Talent 2014. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYVMnqJVDFc&feature=player_embedded Acrobats from the Circus of China Shenyang Acrobatic Troupe perform on the Giant Wheel in Sao Paulo, Brazil. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qMAUYZvdic&feature=player_embedded --- ...Terrific! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From our Friend Genann :) Frightening! http://tinyurl.com/kg74hdr --- ...Interesting! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Listen to the end, you may be as surprised as I was. GI Joe And Lillie http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Lil.html JAZZ CONCERT IN ISTANBUL… https://www.youtube.com/embed/quhlxIqw_EA --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Clown Doctors Help Heal With Humor http://tinyurl.com/mgl3mac Wacky Warning Label Menu http://www.centerforamerica.org/wwl_11/wwl_14/wwl_11_2014_finalists.html 15 Laughable Products For Women http://tinyurl.com/lglxf7q --- ...LOL! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It's rumored that Sandra Bullock will end up making $70 million from the movie 'Gravity.' 'That's great!' said the real astronauts making $59,000 a year." -Jimmy Fallon "Big news out of NASA yesterday - the Kepler space telescope has discovered 715 new planets. Either that or somebody sneezed on the lens." -Jimmy Kimmel "A Florida man tattooed a spider on his face in an attempt to overcome his arachnophobia, which is a fear of spiders. The tattoo should also help him overcome his fear of employment." -Seth Meyers "Hillary Clinton is encouraging Hispanic families to read to their kids. She's also telling Asian families to ease up on the math so the rest of us can catch up." -Conan O'Brien "A new LEGO movie is coming out. I've heard some people say, 'This LEGO movie is basically just a two-hour commercial.' These people are completely wrong. It's only 90 minutes." -Craig Ferguson "Mark Zuckerberg started Facebook when he was a 19-year-old studentMore than anyone, Zuckerberg revolutionized the way we avoid doing work in this country." -Jimmy Kimmel "In spite of being a terrible game, the Super Bowl was the most watched TV event in history. So apparently it's true - if we do start televising executions, people will watch." -Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************