Ants, It's Winter, And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press! :) This super sizzler is from our friends Sharon and KarenF. What this man does with simple wood chips is absolutely amazing. You gotta check it out here... T <|> (|||) . . _ _ . . | | ( | ) / \|/ \ .` \_/ `. __ | `|` \_/|\_/ . # . .` `//``. | | `./#\.` . // . | | # ``//\_.` | # // # // # // Wood Chip Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart.html --- ...Mind Boggling! Thanks Sharon and Karen! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Useful English System Conversions Units: * Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi * * 2.4 statute miles of intravenous _..-.._ * surgical tubing at Yale Univer- * .'_/ _ \_'. sity Hospital = 1 I.V. League /_ _| __|_ _\___ * | _ |_ _| _ | /\ * 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = jgs |___|___J___|__\/ Won Ton * Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong * 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 light year * 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling _ _| | * 1 millionth cup of mouthwash = 1 microscope .'_) | /_/ |_| * 1/2 large intestine = 1 semicolon (_) |_| \ \_____ * 1000 aches = 1 megahertz jgs |________| * Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram * Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower * Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line * Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond ,-"""-. * Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound 66._/ \___/ \ barrier = Mach Turtle (____)_/___\__\_) jgs /_// \\_\ * 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake * Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," the first step of a one-mile journey = 1 Milwaukee ============================================================== *--------- Bizarre March Holiday ---------* March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day March 6 is National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day March 9 is Panic Day March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _--_ dMb __(._ ) d0P < (D) .MP .~ \ /~```M-. .~ V Mo_ \ -------============((((}{) ( (___. {:)-./ ~._____.(:} '94 the wolfe / .M\ / "" \ | /\ | / / \ \ / / \ \ \__/ \__/ / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ >Back in 1955 Ah, me! I remember it all! I seem to remember Joe Di Maggio's contract coming in at $100,000 instead of $50,000. That's when I lost my interest in professional sports. - Pat --- ...In 1973 I made $.75 an hour as a teacher's assistant - I got reduced pay rather then a $1.25 because I was government paid. Now I think they get twice as much because they ARE government paid. Times change! Error.....minimum wage was raised to 50 cents per hour...in time for my first working papers employment >Comments made in the year 1955! I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00. Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one. If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit; 20 cents a pack is ridiculous. Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter. If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store. When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage. I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it. I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas. Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President. I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They're even making electric typewriters now. It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet. It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work. I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business. Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government. The fast food restaurant is convenient for a quick meal, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on. If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it. There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel. No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood. --- ...wow this one sure shot up - 336.66%! That's why we can't afford health care these days! Know any friends who would get a kick out of these, pass this on! Be sure and send it to your kids and grand kids, too! -<>- \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus >Health Care... So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Congressmen. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered. And, as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now. And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore. Is this a great country or what? --- `/\ ____/ / _ / ___ \ \\_!_________(_/_/ \ \ Just Say NO Granny! <#|=====|______ / /__/ / C|=====|---' \__/ / |-|-|~ / /---' / / |_____| jiri ...Oh No! Granny With A Gun! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Epidemic! THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately! Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak inwhispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent messageuntil they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection…well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were. --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- ___ ///\\\/---- ||//\///\\\\ /`-.__\\\\///| /_ _ `--._| ___-`---.___ | ---------- `-.__| ----------( \.-.@ @_ \\\\\\ ------------| `-'-.(_)--/\\\\\ /////------//| `-' )\\\\\\ /////------///\ `--'\ /"\\\\\\\\\\ ////--------///\ `-' /\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ .-. _ //////------////>---'\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ | | / ) _ ////////////// |__| )\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ | |/ / / `. _ ////////.-' >\ <-._.--.\\\\\\\\\ _|__ /_ ( \ . .' ) /////// ( .- ( )() ( )_)\\\\\\\ / __)-' ) `- | |/ //// ( ) ( )|--'() ( ) \\\\\\\\ \ `(.-') .---/ _() /// ( ) () | /() ( ) \\\\\\ > ._>-' ()+8 8 | | ( )( ) | /( ) ( ) \ / \/ ()+8 8/-()__ / ( )( ) \/ ( ) ( )\ \ /\ / |8 8| `. | () ( ).--.( ) ( )-\ \ / | ()+||||-() (_/ _/ /| ()/ || \ ) ()()\ \__/ / .-`|||| /\\ / / ()|/ \ () \ `. /| | (_ |||| .' _/-/ ()\/||\/() \-. \ / ||( \_ .' ( )/ ( ) `--' ( ) > ) `. / .--|_|\_ \ .' .'( )_ ( )-.___.-( ) ( ) "" `.__)-.( /.'\ .' ( )'_)-.______( ).-')' (___)| \ .-' `--'`-._.---._.(_))-' (__)|| +-)' | /_.--.\ | (__)||-' `._|`-' ) ) _| ||||| | `.`-'.'--' / ||||| .' | | .\| ||||| .' _.-|_| \ ||||| / .'.-' \\ | |||||| .' / \ \ ||||| / .' \ \ ||||| .' / | | _|||||----./ .' \ \ .-' ||||| `/ / \ | .' ||||| ( / | | / ||||| | |\ \ | | .'|||||. | || | ) \ | |||||\ | |/ | \ \ | |||||| | | / | | `.||||' / | | \ | |||| | \ | | / ||||| | |\ / | / |||||_/ | \ | \ / ------'| | | | | | |___.---| \ | / | | / | | | \ | | \/ | | | / | | | \ | | | | `. / \ | \ `--.___`-_ |_ | | .-.__.-''-,_ - | \_' <`. '.-//|-/`` (_) _.-' `._-.____.-'.| / '//, ,\.-'`` |--. `-.____.' |__/ '''\ -'/ | `. _.// | `-.__.-' >Is it Real Or Is It Memorex... Interesting Stuff Well, well, don't know 'IF' ALL of this is TRUE or NOT - but it was SURELY Interesting to Read !! I’ve heard of a few of these, so I’m not taking any chances! I’ve sent it on! They are interesting thoughts. If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth. To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'. Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping a restaurant is considered an insult! People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport. Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined. Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs. Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off! Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds. The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband. Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times! Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off. Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers. The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450°F The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear. Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density The University of Alaska spans four time zones The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself. In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted. Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. A comet's tail always points away from the sun. The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent. Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers - that is why it is found in some medicines. The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity. If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight. In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed. Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside. Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams. The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year. The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust. Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters. Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy. Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down. Everything weighs one percent less at the equator. For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off. The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. --- ...Ummm, OK - if you say so ... Thanks PatDeE! -<>- \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >Keep Sending I challenge you to read this and NOT have the will to pass it on to your 20+ No one has been able to explain to me why young men and women serve in the U.S. Military for 20 years, risking their lives protecting freedom, and only get 50% of their pay. While Politicians hold their political positions in the safe confines of the capital, protected by these same men and women, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term. It just does not make any sense. If each person that receives this will forward it on to 20 people, in three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message.. This is one proposal that really should be passed around. Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States ." You are one of my 20+ "If you choose not to decide ~ you still have made a choice" -<>- ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; “Everything Should Be Made as Simple as Possible, But Not Simpler” "Problems cannot be solved by the level of awareness that created them." “What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the world." "Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” -- Albert Einstein --- ...Prov.3:13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy Is it the fault of the teachers? Are they prepared to teach? Are the students prepared to learn? - Pay >Shocking Find Among American Teens A reporter asked high school students across the nation basic questions about America -- & some of their answers are unbelievable. One thinks a Terrorist is the Vice President http://tinyurl.com/7rspfw6 --- ...Super funny! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From our Friend EdLaF :) .-. : ; "." / \ / | .' \ /.' `.\ ' \ ``. _`.____ `-._ /^^^^^^^^`.\^\ / ` \ (PS) """""""""""""""""""""""" >Navy Seal quote of the Week Dana Perrino ( Fox News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages? His reply: "No ma'am, we don't go there to talk." --- ...LOL! Great! Thanks EdLaF! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From The TeaParty: Breaking News: Santorum: I Can Beat Romney in Two-Man Race http://tinyurl.com/7zzh3v4 -<>- >From CCA: Democrats Win Pyrrhic Victory While Squashing Religious Freedom http://tinyurl.com/7qhqhpc -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF: 30 Stupid Things The Government Is Spending Money On - http://tinyurl.com/84dses3 20 Obvious Truths That Will Shock Liberals - John Hawkins - Townhall Conservative http://tinyurl.com/86m54ps NightWatch: Christian and Jew Existence a Sin Against Allah http://tinyurl.com/6w5ttq3 --- ...Interesting! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From BizarreNews: It's simple math. Only so many people can occupy so much space and consume so many resources. China figured this out 30 years ago while they watched their population balloon toward one billion. So they instituted their "One-child" policy. Now, there are plenty of moral, ethical, social and religious issues involved with this controversial policy, but I am not going to touch any of them, because it is impossible to say what the world's landscape would look like today if China had not done what it did. The implementation of this policy is also the subject of much criticism, now more than ever since modern media is bringing China closer than ever. Recent criticism has been leveled when it was discovered that local authorities have been threatening families with phrases such as, "If you don't get sterilized, your house will be demolished." Not a lot of gray area there. Or how about, "If you escape (sterilization), we'll hunt you down." And I'm not making these up either. Come on, China, don't you have any public relations people in your country at all? Well, Bizarre News is prepared to lend its marketing talent to your problem. Instead of, "Kill all your family if you don't follow the rule," how about something a little more popular sounding like, "One man enter, one baby leave." Or perhaps something even simpler, like, "There can be only one." And I don't know how well it would translate, but how about, "One for the money, two's gotta go, three's too many and four is right out!" And that only took me five minutes of brain storming. --- ...Their problem is gonna be - odd man out - when all the guys start wanting females - there won't be any available. *-- 36 parked cars fall through the ice --* OSHKOSH, Wis. - Authorities in Wisconsin said participants in an annual ice fishing contest were left searching for rides home when 36 parked vehicles fell through the ice. Organizers of the Battle on the Bago, an annual ice fish- ing competition on Lake Winnebago, said participants were warned against parking on the ice, but some did it anyway because they could not find anywhere else to leave their vehicles Saturday, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported Monday. "We had some cars that got wet," a Winnebago County sheriff's department dispatcher said. "We had cars parked on the ice like it was a parking lot. Usually they do park out on the ice; that's not unusual. It's just that they parked too close together. It was too much for the ice conditions this year." The dispatcher said the water was shallow where the cars fell through and they were removed with two trucks. The sheriff's department said four vehicles were submerged more than half way while 18 went partially under the water and 14 others only sank to the tops of their wheels. *-- Drunk man found sleeping in child's bed --* STENUNGSUND, Sweden - A Swedish father who found a drunk man sleeping in his 3-year-old's bed said he only decided to call police after discovering the stranger had urinated. The Stenungsund man said he got up early Sunday to take care of his dog and his 3-year-old son soon came down- stairs and said there was a "ghost" in his bed, The Local reported Monday. The father said he discovered the drunk passed out in the bed. He told the newspaper Aftonbladet he considered handling the matter without police, but changed his mind when he saw the mystery man had urinated on the mattress. Police said the suspect, whose name was not released, was arrested on a trespassing charge. The father said he will now be locking the doors of his home at night. -<>- >From Archived CoffeeBreak: Boy, 11, arrested after 100 mph chase An 11-year-old Bakersfield, Calif., boy led police on a high speed car chase reaching speeds on 100 mph in his parents' Mercury Sable, police said. Officer Mark Ehly of the California Highway Patrol said the boy, whose name was not released, was being held in a juvenile hall on suspicion of felony evading and being an unlicensed driver, The (Bakersfield) Californian reported Tuesday. Ehly said the boy had been upset by something at home prior to his high-speed joyride. "He didn't want to be home," Ehly said. He said the young boy had to stand on the floorboards of the car to reach the pedals and was not wearing a seat belt. River log turns out to be alligator People involved in a volunteer river clean-up effort in Anderson, Ind., said they were shocked when a log they attempted to move turned out to be an alligator. The volunteers said the reptile was surprised, but it was not aggressive and did not try to attack anyone, WRTV-TV, Indianapolis, reported Tuesday. County officials turned the animal over to Ed Roemer, a pet shop owner in Anderson, Ind., to nurse the alligator back to health. Officials said burns and marks found on the chin and legs on the animal indicate it may have been a pet who was confined and neglected. "He's lucky someone found him because he wouldn't make it through our winters here," Roemer said. He said people releasing pet alligators into the wild has become an increasingly common phenomenon. "It's been happening more and more. People get them, they don't know how to take care of them and they just turn them loose," he said. Police: 'Joker' was after Batman film swag Police in Three Rivers, Mich., said a man dressed as the Joker from "The Dark Knight" was arrested attempting to steal memorabilia from a movie theater. Officers said Spencer Taylor, 20, was in full costume and makeup to resemble Heath Ledger's character from the film when he was arrested on felony larceny and malicious destruction of property charges at the Three Rivers 6 movie theater, the Kalamazoo (Mich.) Gazette reported Tuesday. Three Rivers Detective Mike Mohney said Taylor had been trying to take posters off the theater walls and was attempting to take other items when he was retrained by staff until officers arrived. ========================================================= >-->From our Friend Annie :) ________ ___,,,,,,, jgs [________>__________\ >[An Et-Ahem!] Remember Lorena Bobbitt? In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister, Louella, was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her (in)famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena, however. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh, causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable, condition, and Louella has been charged with a Misdawiener... --- ...HaHa - Oh for goodness sake! Thanks Annie! ============================================================ >-->From Laugh And Lift: \ / \ / \.-./ (o\^/o) _ _ _ __ ./ \.\ ( )-( )-( ) .-' '-. {-} \(// || \\/ ( )) '-. //-__||__.-\\. .-' (/ () \)'-._.-' || || \\ MJP (' (' ') >ANTS (Author Unknown) Brenda was a young woman that wanted to learn to rock climb. Although she was terribly afraid, she went with a group and they faced this tremendous cliff of rock that was practically perpendicular. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear and took hold of the rope and started up the face of that rock. Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, whoever was holding the rope up at the top of the cliff made a mistake and snapped the rope against Brenda's eye and knocked out her contact lens. You know how tiny contact lenses are and how almost impossible to find. Well, here she is on a rock ledge, with who knows how many hundreds of feet behind and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and looked, hoping that she would be able to find that contact lens. Here she was, very far from home. Her sight was now blurry. She was very upset by the fact that she wouldn't be anywhere near a place where she could get a new contact lens. And she prayed that the Lord would help her to find it. Well, her last hope was that perhaps when she got to the top of the cliff, one of the girls that was up there on the top might be able to find her contact lens in the corner of her eye. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye. There was no contact lens to be found. She sat down with the rest of the party, waiting for the rest of them to come up the face of the cliff. She looked out across range after range of mountains, thinking of that Bible verse that says, "The eyes of the Lord run to and from throughout the whole earth." She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every single stone and leaf that's on those mountains and You know exactly where my contact lens is." Finally, the time came when it was time to go down. They walked down the trail to the bottom. Just as they got there, there was a new party of rock climbers coming along. As one of them started up the face of the cliff, she shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?" Well, that would be startling enough, wouldn't it? She had found "=. "=. \ \ \ _,-=\/=._ _.-,_ / \ /=-._ "-. |=-./~\___/~\ / `-._\ OK, I got the message | \o/ \o/ / / \_ `~~~;/ | | `~,._,-' / / | | =-._ / _,-=/ \=-._ /|`-._/ // \\ )\ /| |)_.'/ //| |\_." _.-\ (| \ / _.`= \ || ":_ _.;"_.-;" _.-=.: _-."/ / `-."\_." =-_.;\ `-_./ / _.-=. / \\ | =-_.;\ ." \\ \ \\/ \\ /\_ .'\\ \\ // `=_ _.-" \\ \\ // `~-.=`"`' || || LGB || _.-_/| || |\_.-_ _.-_/| /_.-._/ |\_.-_ \_.-._\ /_.-._/ \_.-._\ the contact lens! But you know why she saw it? An ant was carrying that contact lens so that it was moving slowly across the face of the rock. What does that tell you about the God of the universe? Is He in charge of the tiniest things? Do ants matter to Him? Of course they do. He made them. He designed them. Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist. When she told him this incredible story, he drew a picture of that ant lugging that contact lens with the words "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You." \/ \\ ___ _@@ @@_ ___ (___)(_) (_)(___) //|| || || ||\\ unknown If God is in charge of the ants, don't you think He cares about you and me? I guess Solomon was right. One could learn a valuable lesson from that ant - TRUST IN GOD! -<>- >Quick Jokes Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at. "And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..." "Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Lipkowitz, "at my age I don't even buy green bananas." ----------- There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. ----------- Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!" -<>- .---------. _ |:: [-=-] | | | |_________| |~| |_| ,;;;;, I\ ,__ ,;;;, __, ///\\\\\ I |{ / . . \ } / " \\|| I | ) ( _ ) ( \_= _/// I |{___'-. .-'___}\___ )_\ I ||~/,'~~~~~,\~~|'---(( \ I \ // \\ | \ \ \ I \/ // | | /-/ I (/ (/ | |/||\ I | | | | I | | |____/ I :-----_o_-----: || | I | /~~|===|~~\ | (( | jgs I || |===| || ||_/ /^\ "~ '^^^' "" ((__| >Hospital Routine (Author Unknown) "We want to take you in for tests," Sounds innocent enough. I thought of bed-tray meals and rests - And all that pampered stuff. I brought a pretty robe, to start, Packed book and magazine. And settled down to be a part Of hospital routine.... ** H-E-L-P ** Sip this, chew that, gargle, swallow. Breathe in, breathe out, focus, follow. This side, that side, poke and probe. (So much for the pretty robe.) Flex your muscles, make a fist. Bend your elbow, turn your wrist. Veins for sticking, tubes for feeding. (So much for leisure reading.) Up and down and out and in, There's no place they haven't been! ** W-H-E-W ! ** Home has never looked so good Or family so dear. Back to Wife-and-Motherhood; I'll recover here. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Linda :) And we think we've got problems!! ._ -.\ /~\)\ >-The Dance - Incredibly moving and truly amazing It just goes to show that everything is possible if you put your mind to and have the determination. In a Chinese modern dance competition on TV one very unique couple won one of the top prizes. The lady, in her 30's, was a dancer who had trained since she was a little girl. Later in life, she lost her entire right arm in an accident and fell into a state of depression for a few years. Someone then asked her to coach a Children's dancing group. >From that point on, she realized that she could not forget dancing. She still loved to dance and wanted to dance again. So, she started to do some of her old routines, but, having lost her arm, she had also lost her balance. It took a while before she could even make simple turns and spins without falling. Then she heard of a man in his 20s who had lost a leg in an accident. He had also fallen into the usual denial, depression and anger type of emotional roller coaster. But, she was determined to find him and persuade him to dance with her.. He had never danced, and to dance with one leg...are you joking with me? "No way!" But, she didn't give up, and he reluctantly agreed thinking, "I have nothing else to do anyway." She started to teach him dancing. The two broke up a few times because he had no concept of using muscle, how to control his body, and knew none of the basic things about dancing. When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out. Eventually, they came back together and started training seriously. They hired a choreographer to design routines for them. She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air. He could bend horizontally supported by one leg with her leaning on him, etc. In the competition, as you will see them dance beautifully and they legitimately won the competition." The Dance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLVRQCjh8c --- ...Most Beautiful! Thank You Linda! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __--_ //~-----\|/ _----__ . / /-~~---~\\\ /______, | / `c ` . ||| | | | (.. _ ..|||| _O----| | \ _ _ | || `- |___| /~` `\ `__ _/ |||/||~~| .' '~\ |||||||--| | |_| |||||||( | |____| | |______``` |____``` | | | |_|_| .'\\,\\_) /_/___| W< Two little girls are looking at a book of fairy tales. "Who's that on the cover?" asks the younger of the two. "That's Cinderella." replied her friend. "It's a nice story with a happy ending." "But why is she crying?" Asked the first. "Because her wicked step-Mother won't let her go to the mall." -<>- As he was standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter, a friend of John's noticed he was purchasing a dozen roses and a card. "You in trouble with Jill?" the friend asked John. "Nope!" was John's reply. "Preventive maintenance." -<>- Driving along the freeway in Southern CA, I spied two land- scaping trucks loaded with sod and bearing these slogans: "Instant Grassification" and "Sodisfaction Guaranteed." -<>- Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?" -<>- A young man confided to his mother that he had proposed to his girlfriend and they were going to get married. "Whatsa dis?" screamed Mother. "Who's a-gonna love you like a Momma? Who's a gonna starch-a you socks? Who's a gonna make-a you lasagna?" "Please, Mom, calm down," pleaded the son. "Why are you talking like that? We aren't even Italian!" -<>- + | /\\ | || -----| |/\ / \ ------/ ^^ \ O O | || | | || | ------------- unknown Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to address the single church there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he began in this way: "My brethren, all. I must tell you that my great Grandfather was Presbyterian." (absolute silence); "But my Grandmother was an Episcopalian." (more silence); "I must tell you that my other Grandfather was a Christian Scientist." (deep silence); "While my other Grandmother was Methodist." (even more silence). "But I must tell you that I had an aunt who was a Baptist through and through." (loud cheers!)" "And I have always considered my aunt's path to be the right one!" -<>- After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby." -<>- ,~~~~~~~~~~~~~, : : : _ _ : : ( \/ ) : : \ / : : \/ : : : :Post-net ^V: `~~~~~~~~~~~~' After I recovered from surgery, my family suggested that I write thank-you notes to everyone who sent gifts and cards. I agreed that it was a nice idea, and I asked my daughter to buy several books of 'Love' stamps at the post office. Upon returning, my daughter said, "I asked for books of Love stamps, but the clerk told me they were out of books. And all he could give me was 'Love' in the sheets." ============================================================== T \`. T | T .--------------.___________) \ | T ! | |//////////////|___________[ ] ! T | ! `--------------' ) ( | ! mn '-' ! >-->Ten Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House: 1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver. 2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. 3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair... but only if you are working alone. 4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator. 5. If it's electronic, get a new one. 6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it. 7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it. 8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. 9. If something looks level, it is level. 10. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid. ======================================================== >-->From The Jokester: ,-._.-. /_,._,._\ \`-._.' / \_____/ hjw >Speech Impediment Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment. George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?" Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'." -<>- >The Barber Shop A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does." -<>- >"True Phrases" ( ( ) ))) ((((( ( )))))) )(((((( ((,````)) :(.)(.): \\\\ ( _\ )||||| [ |_| ') c \ | [ | | ! ejm `._.' ) / /\ / What You Say??.... / \ / Some phrases are only used when they are untrue. "I'm not racist, but ..." "I'm sure I ..." "I don't want to contradict you..." "With all due respect" "Far be it from me ... " "It goes without saying..." "... not to mention ..." "No offence" "Oh no, I couldn't possibly" "Oh go on then - just one." "I shan't make this a long speech." "Nothing, darling." "Serves 4" "I'm no prude, but ..." "Family planning" "Network upgrade" "Care in the community" "Back in 5 min" "I'll just put you on hold for a moment." "Congratulations! You have been especially chosen/selected ..." =========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) From Russia With Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html Fun With Snow In Russia http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russia.html Journey Through Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html Egg Face Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggface.html When Artists Get Bored http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html Adam In Paradise http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html Hiking In China http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html IRONIC Isn't It http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Decorah Eagle cam http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyBoPbSydnE&feature=email Raptor Resource Project http://www.raptorresource.org/ Decorah Eagle Cam http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles --- ...Very Nice! Thanks Linda! Giraffe Birth At Memphis Zoo...Amazing! http://manneli.com/movies/Nature/Giraffe-Birth.html --- ...Wow, intriguing and so adorable! Thanks Linda! Redneck Retirement Community - Two good ole boys http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=-RaFApVP0zU&vq=large --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Linda It's Winter... SnowSlide http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM2gLjfE_3Y SnowPlow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TI986H7lz4 SnowCar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzBKevFbtoU --- ...LMAO! Good Ones! Thanks Linda! Little Casanova http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEMNy7-6le8 --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Prayer For You (written by Sondra) http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_S/Pr.html Brother Bob's Christian Poetry Potpourri http://brotherbob.christian.net Forgiving http://www.carolspoetry.com/oct06/2.html A Special Friend http://www.frommyheart2u.com/friends/aspecialfriend/ Visit Melissa's Online Store You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at the online store http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It is bad luck to be superstitious." --Andrew W. Mathis "There are more important things in life than money - but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --Unknown "The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer." --Victor Borge "In what must be the highest price in the nation, gas at El Cajon, CA is selling for more than $4 a gallon. I didn't know Starbucks was selling gasoline." --Jay Leno "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose." --Darrin Weinberg "What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living." --Doug Larson "If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire." --George E. Woodberry "Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent." --Laurence J. Peter >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************