Anyone Feel Stimulated? ... :) Shangy!
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and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
. ,
)). -===- ,((
))). ,(((
))))). .:::. ,((((((
))))))))). :. .: ,(((((((('
`))))))))))). : - : ,((((((((((((
))))))))))))))))_:' ':_((((((((((((((('
`)))))))))))).-' \___/ '-._(((((((((((
`))))_._.-' __)( )(_ '-._._(((('
`))'---)___)))'\_ _/'((((__(---'(('
`))))))))))))|' '|(((((((((((('
jim `)))))))))/' '\((((((((('
`)))))))| |((((((('
`))))))| |(((((('
/' '\
/' '\
/' '\
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'---..___..---'
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* HELP! We NEED 2009 Angels for the Web Site!
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GOT A Cool Forward? Easy Yummy Recipe? Miracle Story?
Sweet poem? Funny clean Joke? A Godly Inspiration?
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================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
Saturday was another cold and snowy day, so I took
advantage of it by spending some quality time on the
computer with my friends on the yearbook, my grandson
checking out movie trailers, and with doing up a new
page for all us animal lovers.
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press!
This one comes from a forward from our friend Sandi. I
hope you find it as enjoyable as I did :)
(\)_
., (/c a\
/ \_____((// P
(/) ( (/||\_
Samwise [ ) ( , )
--=~(@)~=-- | \ --- | | '
'\, ,) '\,)
Best Parents
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestparents.html
---
...Excellent One! Thank You Sandi!
========================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone: The Drummer
.;--""```````""--;. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by
/( )\ his peers, decides to learn how to play
\_`'-------------'`_/ some "real" musical instruments. He
| `';-----;-----;'` | goes to a music store, walks in,
| / : \ / : \ / : \ | approaches the store clerk, and says,
|V.','.V.','.V.','.V| "I'll take that red trumpet over there
\`./_\.;./_\.;./_\.`/ and that accordion." The store clerk
jgs '...___________...' looks at him a bit funny, and replies,
"OK, you can have the fire extinguisher
but the radiator's got to stay".
==================================================================
+------------------- Bizarre Couples ----------------------+
Fabien Pretou, standing at 6ft, 2 inches tall, towered over
his 3ft, 1 inch bride Natalie Lucius at their 1990 wedding
in Seysinnet-Pariset, France.
Harry Stevens, 103, married his 84-year-old cousin, Thelma
Lucas, at a Wisconsin retirement home in 1984.
In 1871, Captain Martin van Buren Bates married Anna Hanen
Swan in London. She was 7ft 5 1/2 inches tall and he stood
at 7ft 2 1/2 inches.
When Ruth and Kevin Kimber married in 1990, she was 93 and
he was 28.
In 1863, American dwarf Charles S. Stratton married Lavinia
Warren. He was 2ft, 10in tall and she was 2ft 8 in. In
1884, the widowed Lavinia married Count Primo Magri who
was two inches shorter than her first husband.
In 1995, following a courtship that lasted several months,
100-year-old Samuel Bukoro married 12-year-old Nyamihanda
in Uganda.
In 1994, 26-year-old Anna Nicole Smith tied the knot with
89-year-old millionaire J. Howard Marshall. She was
attracted by his "kindness." Really?
==========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Wesley:
.---.
___ /_____\
/\.-`( '.' )
/ / \_-_/_
\ `-.-"`'V'//-.
`.__, |// , \
|Ll //Ll|\ \
|__// | \_\
/---|[]==| / /
\__/ | \/\/
/_ | Ll_\|
|`^"""^`|
| | |
| | |
| | |
| | |
L___l___J
jgs |_ | _|
(___|___)
^^^ ^^^
>Escape Maps of WWII
Waddington PLC, the printing company best known for its games including
Monopoly, was involved in a most unusual venture during the Second World
War: printing maps on silk, rayon and tissue paper for military use and
smuggling some of them to prisoners of war. Last year an archive of
correspondence relating to the military maps, along with samples of the
maps themselves, was donated to the British Library Map Library. A small
fraction of the archive, relating to the initial planning and the early
days of the project, is currently the subject of a small exhibition at
the British Library, and a few items are reproduced here.
http://www.mapforum.com/04/escape.htm
---
...Wow! Very Interesting! Thank You Wesley!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
___
/___\
@____
/|\__/
/ |
/ )|
/__/V
ejm 96 " V |
| |
m m
>Don't talk to my parrot...
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the
bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check .'
'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, do not talk
to my parrot!'
'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But,
just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching
the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'
To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!'
See - Men just don't listen!
-<>-
____________________
| |
| PSYCHIATRIC |
| HELP |
|____________________|
|| ,-..'``. ||
|| (,-..'`. ) ||
|| )-c - `)\ ||
,.,._.-.,_,.,-||,.(`.-- ,`',.-,_,||.-.,.,-,._.
___||____,`,'--._______||
|`._||______`'__________||
| || __ ||
| || |.-' ,|- ||
_,_,,..-,_| || ._)) `|- ||,.,_,_.-.,_
. `._||__________________|| ____ .
. . . . <.____`>
.SSt . . . . . _.()`'()`' .
>Be 6 Again...
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife,
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in
the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,
made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and
then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the
Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything
there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her
head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a
Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her
favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally
she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
SEND THIS TO ALL THE
WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Viv!
-<>-
Best explanation I have seen
,--.,-"";-"-.
.-;-/ / / .- `\ .-.
` ( ' ' ` ; `\/ \
\ / \
/ (. C . ) | .-. |
| _ / (` / |
\ /}| | )(\ |
`-> (____.| / |||
/ \=====| | |\| Anyone Feel Stimulated?
| |====| \ _/ `
\__/=====| |`
`-'======| \
|=======/ |
|=======| | .--,
########\ |/ /
jgs |_|__|| ` `--.
,---;-'--'\ `--.
`---`-------'-.___,___.---'
>Stimulus Bill Explained
Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics
professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you
explain it to me?" The professor replied, "I don't have any time to
explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday
and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you."
The student agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house.
The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard
pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the
student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor
said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as
much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end,
and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student
was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more
times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the
shallow end much deeper.
The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but
figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.
However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end,
the student began to become worried that his economics professor had
gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting
valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when
this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was
before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of
what could have been truly productive action!"
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile,
"Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."
---
...Yeah, makes no sense to me either! "Giggles' - Thanks Viv!
==============================================================
\
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ejm97 \ \
>-->My Hobby: Renting Skis
Copyright 2001 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright
from this essay
Everyone needs a hobby. Mine is renting snow-ski equipment. (I don't
ever ski, because by the time I've sat through several hours of clotted
traffic on the Interstate Slow-way System, stood in line to buy lift
tickets, wrestled through seven layers of inner, outer and underwear so
I can use the bathroom, and then struggled with a few thousand strangers
through a winding maze of ropes to reach the chair lift, I never have
time for more than one run down the mountain-hardly what one could call
a hobby.)
The process of renting equipment starts with the ski boots. Ski boots
come in three comfort settings: "Dog bite", "alligator attack", and
"bear trap". The technician wants to know if you'd prefer them "regular"
or "high-performance".
"What's the difference?" you ask.
He shrugs. "Nuthin', except the regulars had a mouse family living in
them all summer."
You decide to go for the high-performance boots. This impresses the next
guy in line, who rents you your skies. "Dude!" he greets you.
"Dude," you reply civilly.
"High-performance boots, huh? You gonna be slope shredding or bump
bashing?"
You picture yourself in the bar having a beer with lunch. "More like
burger burping," you inform him.
"Dude! So what length skis do you want? 170? 195?"
These numbers, fortunately, are not inches. "I'm American, I don't do
metric," you explain.
"Dude!" the technician agrees. "Okay, do you want them so long you can't
turn them, or so short you fall over the tips?"
Since you'll be carrying them the length of a hundred football fields
from the parking lot to the shuttle bus, you decide on "too short" over
"too long"-at least they'll be lighter this way.
Skis are now "parabolic" in shape, meaning that in the front and rear
they are wide and stable, while in the middle, the part you actually
stand over and rely on for support, they are as thin as the high wire in
a circus.
The technician hands over a form for you to fill out. "Dude," he
explains. There are three pictures depicting different "skiing styles."
In the first, the skier has legs spread awkwardly, ski tips pointed
inward, body ready to fall. In the second, the skier's skis are together
and he is leaning 'way over the side, ready to fall. In the third, the
skier is in the trees, airborne, apparently already falling. If you're
to pick how you're going to be getting down the mountains, you wonder
why they don't show a picture of an ambulance.
The technician will use the picture you select, plus a complicated
formula based on your height, weight, and cholesterol level, to set the
bindings so that when you're underneath the chair lift and a pretty
woman is overhead, your skis will pop off.
On the back of the form is a "release of liability" statement: "You, the
undersigned dude, hereby acknowledge that you are far too old to be
careening down the mountain on a pair of slats which have been specially
waxed to exacerbate the effects of gravity. You acknowledge that your
thighs will soon be trembling like Jell-O in an earthquake and that by
the end of the day your face will freeze and fall to the ground. You
agree that bones are meant to be broken, and that you don't need to feel
your fingers or toes for the rest of the day.
"You know that while snow is usually soft, we've spent the night running
special equipment up and down the slopes so that they are packed hard as
cement. There's no need to thank us for this.
"You have the right to an orthopedist. If you do not know the name of an
orthopedist, one will be appointed for you."
A final piece of equipment: two poles, one for each hand, so that as you
wobble and wave your arms, they will accentuate how stupid you look.
You sign the form and struggle to the car. Your family is waiting
impatiently-they want to hurry up and get to the slopes. But you just
smile wisely-for the true hobbyist dude, it is the renting which is the
important part.
Write to Bruce.
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm
============================================================
>-->From CupO'Cheer:
__ @@;,
( ; ? : );
_| |_ | | || | | _| |_
| \ \ \/ || \/ ___ / / |
__| |\ __||____||___||______/| |
||| | |_______ _________| | |||
||| |____ | | ____| ||| Design by
\ \______ ) | | / ______/ /
|| | | | | | /___| || Samule J. Neptune
|| | | |_ /| | |\ _| || ||
|| | \__, / | | | \<__/ | ||
>DINING OUT!
"Dining Out" is getting to be a pain in the you know what!
Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience?
Someone else cooked for you, served you and cleaned up
after you. All you had to do was chew, swallow and pay.
No longer, though. Today, you feel like a laboratory rat who
has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk
of cheese!
"Good evening," the maitre d' said. "Table for two?"
"Yes, thank you."
"Smoking or non?" "Non smoking."
"Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this
evening?"
"I guess indoors would be good." "Very well, sir," he said.
"Would you like to be seated in the main dining room,
the enclosed patio, or our lovely solarium?" "Uh, let me see...
uh..."
"I can give you a table with a lovely view in our lovely
solarium."
"I think the solarium would be lovely," I said. We
followed him there...
"Now, would you prefer a view overlooking the golf
course, the sunset on the lake or the majestic mountains
to the West?"
"Whatever you recommend," I said.
Let HIM make a decision for a change, I thought.
He sat us by a window facing the golf course, lake
or mountains. I couldn't tell which because it was dark
outside.
Then, a young man better dressed and better looking
than anyone else presented himself at my table...
"Good evening, my name is Paul, and I'll be your waiter
this evening. Would you like a few minutes before I take
your order?"
"No," I said. "I'm just a meat-and-potatoes guy, so
I'll have the filet mignon and a baked potato."
"Soup, or salad?" "Salad."
"We have a mixed-green salad, hearts of palm, or
a very fine endive salad with baby shrimp." "Just a mixed-
green salad, okay?"
"Whatever you say, sir. Dressing?" I didn't want to
make another decision..."Whatever you've got will be fine."
"We have creamy Italian, Blue Cheese, Vinaigrette,
Thousand Island, Honey Dijon and Ranch." "Just bring me
one. Surprise me." "Creamy Italian is our house specialty.
Would that be all right, sir?" "Yeah." I was curt. I was done
with civility.
"And for your baked potato?" I knew what was coming!
"I just want the baked potato dry, you understand? I don't
want anything on it." "No butter? No sour cream?" "No."
"No chives? No bacon chips?" "No! Don't you understand
English? I don't want anything on it. Just bring me a baked
potato and a steak."
"Would you prefer the six, eight, or 12-ounce steak, sir?"
"Whatever." "Would you like that rare, medium rare, medium,
medium well or well done? Or, if you prefer, we can butterfly
it for you."
"Pauly Boy," I said, "you are really starting to get me
steamed." "Which brings up the vegetables, sir. Would you
like steamed broccoli, creamed corn, sauteed zucchini, or
diced carrots?" That did it!!! I threw my napkin to the floor,
stood up, put my face right in his arrogant kisser and said,
"How'd you like to settle this outside?"
"Fine with me, sir. Would you prefer the parking lot,
the side alley or the street in front of the restaurant?"
"I prefer right here." Then I sucker-punched him.
He ducked, then countered with a left hook right
under my eye. It was the first time all night he hadn't
offered me a selection. I collapsed semiconscious into
my chair, as someone in authority rushed over and berated
Pauly.
I felt my tie being loosened, my collar unbuttoned,
hands slapping my face. When I regained my senses, I saw
the very concerned maitre d' right in front of my nose.
He apologized and offered to buy me a drink, call the
paramedics, whatever I wanted.
"No, no," I said. "I'll be all right. Just bring me a glass of
water."
"Yes, sir, right away," he said. "Would you prefer
imported mineral water, sparkling water, or club soda with
a wedge of lime? (How far to Burger King, I wonder...)
as seen in Da Mouse Tracks
-<>-
\ | /
-- * --
/ | \
/') ./') ('\. ('\
/' /.--''./'') (''\.''--.\ '\
:--'' ; ''./'') (''\.'' ; ''--:
: ' ''./') ('\.'' ' :
: ''./' '\.'' :
:--''-..--'''' ''''--..-''--:
dp
>HOLD HANDS AND DON’T GET LOST!
“How wonderful it is, how pleasant, when brothers
live together in harmony!” Psalm 133:1
I walked up behind a set of two-year-old twins in a hospital
corridor. At the same time the father turned and said to the boys,
“Now hold hands so you don’t get lost.” He and his wife kept
going.
The boys did as they were told and then looked up at me.
One held up his hand and said, “Don’t get lost.” I took
his hand and we strolled along behind their parents. The
mother looked back and saw me walking along with the
boys. She started laughing and soon we all joined in.
The family was black and I am white, but for that few
minutes we were just people making our way holding hands
and helping each other. Don’t you think that is the way God
intended life? If we could learn to join hands and help each
other, imagine what the world would be like.
Seek to live in peace with those you meet.
--Don M. Aycock
To SUBSCRIBE: Send an e-mail with
SUBSCRIBE CUP O'CHEER in the
subject line to cheer316@sc.rr.com
===================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>Note From Liberty Counsel: The emperor has no clothes
2/17/09
Today, President Barack Obama will sign into law the anti-faith,
anti-life "stimulus" bill that could well bankrupt our nation --
both morally and economically.
He will tout this bill that will ultimately cost taxpayers well over
$3 trillion (that's $1,000,000 for each job allegedly saved or created)
as a key component to solving our Nation's economic crisis. Meanwhile,
his staff is busy downplaying expectations that the "stimulus" will
actually have any impact this year. It is utter hypocrisy.
All I can say is, just under one month into the Obama administration
and it appears the emperor has no clothes!
Thanks to the actions of so many citizens like you who boldly opposed
the outrageous stimulus bill, Mr. Obama has been exposed as a far-left
liberal who is shamelessly moving to expand government control while
pushing an extremely radical anti-life, anti-faith agenda.
Thanks to you, we came within ONE VOTE of stopping this anti-family,
anti-faith "stimulus" bill! Thanks to you, one anti-faith provision
was eliminated. And thanks to you, more than 100 billion dollars was
eliminated from this bill. All this tells me that when we work together
we can stop the administration's anti-family and anti-faith agenda.
There is hope!
Turn sound up and visit...
http://tinyurl.com/aqat6b
>MAJOR John Ziegler/www.HowObamaGotElected.com Update!
Brand new and improved
http://www.HowObamaGotElected.com
>From OneNewsNow:
Jesus Used by Group to Counter Stimulus
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Blog/Default.aspx?id=425954
Preteen pro-life speech goes viral
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=425610
Update:
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Blog/Default.aspx?id=425606
'Moderate Muslim' murders wife Islam-style
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Security/Default.aspx?id=425888
Obama honeymoon short-lived in Muslim news arena
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Security/Default.aspx?id=415656
Gov't can't shut down terrorist training camps in U.S.
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Security/Default.aspx?id=418566
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Speeding bullet stopped by hair weave -----------
KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Police in Kansas City, Mo., said a
woman's tight hair weave stopped a bullet, keeping her
from injury and likely saving her life. Officers said
they arrived at the Country View Market at about
11:30 p.m. Wednesday to find the woman's boyfriend had
allegedly shot out the back window of a car, KSHB-TV,
Kansas City, reported Thursday. Investigators said the
woman wasn't injured after her hair weave stopped the
bullet and her boyfriend was taken into custody.
-- Suspect tripped up by own pants --------------
PENSACOLA, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a fleeing
burglary suspect was arrested after he tripped over his
own fallen pants. The Escambia County Sheriff's Office
said a deputy responded to an alarm at Beer City in
Pensacola, Fla., at about midnight Tuesday and saw a
suspect fleeing through the smashed front door of the
business with several packs of cigarettes in his arms,
the Pensacola News-Journal reported. The office said the
suspect's armloads of cigarettes prevented him from hold-
ing up his sagging pants, causing the trousers to fall
and trip the suspect. Sheriff's Office spokesman Sgt. Ted
Roy said the deputy caught up to the suspect and "he had
cigarettes scattered all around him and his pants were
down by his ankles." The 37-year-old suspect, who was
released from Escambia County Jail after posting $12,000
bond, was charged with criminal mischief, burglary, theft
and possession of drug paraphernalia.
-- Family moves in cave bought on eBay -----------
FESTUS, Mo. - A Missouri family says the credit crunch
has forced them to put up for sale the 17,000-square-foot
home they created in a cave. Curt Sleeper told the St.
Louis Post-Dispatch he and his family, like so many others,
are victims of the credit crunch. He has been unable to
obtain mortgage refinancing for the cave. "We don't want
to move," he said. "But we need to protect our equity. We
put everything we had into this home." So the Sleepers
have listed the cave on eBay. The couple, who have two
children and are expecting a third, bought the cave, a
former mine, five years ago. In the late 1950s, it had
been converted to a roller rink and night club called
Caveland, where Tina Turner and other major stars played.
The Sleepers lived in tents for several years while they
worked on the cave, calling their temporary quarters
Tentworld. The family says the cave in Festus, about
30 miles south of St. Louis, is peaceful, considering
that it is only a few hundred feet from major highways
and below a subdivision. It is located in a small box
canyon with a bog and an assortment of wildlife.
-- Man catches 6-pound rat in China -------------
FUZHOU, China - A Chinese man said he caught a 6-pound "rat
the size of a cat" by its 12-inch tail in a residential
area of the city of Fuzhou. The man, identified only as
Xian, said he caught the gargantuan rodent after seeing a
group of people crowding around it, The Daily Telegraph
reported. Xian said he grabbed the rat, which he speculated
might be a rare species or other valuable specimen, by its
tail and the scruff of its neck. "I did it, I caught a rat
the size of a cat," he said before shoving the animal into
a bag. Fuzhou's local forestry unit said photographs
indicate the large animal was a bamboo rat, but a close
examination would be required for an official identific-
ation. Sumatra bamboo rats can grow up to 30 inches long,
including their tails, and can weigh as much as eight
pounds, The Telegraph said.
=========================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
>The Laugh:
You know you're taking genealogy too seriously if...
_ /)
mo / )
|/)\)
/\_
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( )
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_________+______/ \______+__________
__-- | R.I.P. |-_-- __
_-- - | ___ __________ ___ |
-_-- __ || | | | {| /| | || __--- --_
--__- || | | | {| /|| | ||-- -
|| | | | {| /||| | ||__--
__-- -__|| | | | {| |}||| | ||-- __--
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-- || | | | {| &}||| | || __
--- __-|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_---__- --
- -_ || | | | {| |}||| | || --
__ejm 97|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_--__- _---
_________||_|_|_|_{| |}|||_|_||______________
|}|/
|}/
|/
- You are the only person to show up at the cemetery research party with
a shovel.
- To put the "final touches" on your gennealogical research, you've asked
all of your closest relatives to provide DNA samples.
- You were instrumental in having "non-ggenealogical use of the genealogy
room copy machine" classified as a federal hate crime.
- Your house leans slightly toward the sside where your genealogical
records are stored.
- You decided to take a two-week break ffrom genealogy, and the U.S.
Postal Office immediately laid off 1,500 employees.
- Out of respect for your best friend's unquestioned reputation for
honesty and integrity, you are willing to turn off that noisy
surveillance camera while she reviews your 57 genealogical research
notebooks in your home. The armed security guard, however, will remain.
- You plod merrily along "refining" yourr recently published family
history, blissfully unaware that the number of errata pages now far
exceeds the number of pages in your original publication.
- During an ice storm and power outage, you ignore the pleas of your
shivering spouse and place your last quilt around that 1886 photograph
of dear Uncle George.
- Ed McMahon, several t.v. cameras and aan envelope from Publishers
Clearing House arrive at your front door on Super Bowl Sunday, and the
first thing you say is, "Are you related to the McMahons of Ohio?"
- "A Loving Family" and "Financial Securrity" have moved up to second and
third, respectively, on your list of life's goals, but still lag far
behind "Owning My Own Microfilm Reader."
- A magical genie appears and agrees to grant your any one wish, and you
ask that the 1890 census be restored.
To Subscribe send a blank email to:
listsendinfo@laughandlift.com
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
I'm sure everybody has heard that Obama has signed the $787
billion economic stimulus package. I just read an interesting
article which described what that kind of money could buy.
Here are a few of the more interesting examples...
* There are about 1,509,180 elementary school teachers in the
US, who are paid an average salary of $45,570 per year. The
stimulus could pay every elementary school teacher's salary
for 11 years.
* The stimulus package could pay off the $550 billion in out-
standing student loan debt in the United States, and still
have $237 billion left over.
* With the Big Mac currently worth about $3.54, the stimulus
could purchase over 222 billion of the beloved burgers.
I'm still trying to figure out how to pay off the boat! Maybe
I should write the president and ask him if it's too late to
add a rider onto that bill.
Laugh it up,
Joe
-<>-
. o ..
o . o o.o
...oo
__[]__
__|_o_o_o\__
\""""""""""/
\. .. . /
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ unknown
My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard
Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship,
he was impressed by the neatness of all decks.
However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he
couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything
in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is
such a mess?"
"My house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls."
-<>-
"Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual"
Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters
who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teen-
agers.
Teenager Owner's Manual Congratulations! You are now the proud
new owner of a teenage daughter.
Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the main-
tenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions
about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to
return the product to the factory for a full refund.)
IF YOU FEEL, YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR:
To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenager
girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she:
(a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with
more makeup and less clothing?
(b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth
(except when requesting money)?
(c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?
If any of these are true, you have received the correct item.
Nice try, though.
-<>-
I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a
woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the
clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on
her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she
could get for her.
"I need a dress for my class reunion," the woman answered.
"I don't care what color or style, as long as it makes me
look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger."
From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, "Make
that two."
-<>-
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful
examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to
choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience.
He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down
his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his
throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after
the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."
=============================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
________
__(_____ <|
(____ / <| <|
(___ / <| L`-------.
(__ / L`--------. \
/ `. ^^^^^ | \ |
| \---------' |/
|______|____________/]
[_____|`-.__________]
VK
You know you work for the government when...
* The process becomes more important than the product
* You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting
on a subject you know nothing about
* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there
* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will
be the one answering them.
* You fly first class across the country to attend a conference
with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not
have enough money.
* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title
is an acronym.
* You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of
acronyms.
* You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to
its importance.
(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor
(2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention
* You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for
3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
-<>-
Moishe
Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian Government.
Govt. official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?"
Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."
Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?"
Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."
Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?"
No reply.
Government official asks the question again. And still not reply.
Finally he shouts, "Moishe, why don't you reply?"
Moishe: "Because, I have a sweater."
==========================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
>The Prayer Request
_|_
|
/ \
//_\\
//(_)\\
|/^\|
,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@,
,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@,
@@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@
@@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####,
@@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######,
@@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/####
'@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####;
@@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'######
'@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//####
|| || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###'
|| || |_|__|__|_| || || ||
|| ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| ||
jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___
Leroy went to a revival at a local church and listened
intently to the preacher.
After awhile, the preacher asked anyone with needs to be
prayed over to come forward to the front of the altar.
Leroy got in line and when it was his turn, the preacher
asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher put one finger in Leroy's ear and he placed his
other hand on top of Leroy's head and prayed and prayed and
prayed for a miracle.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, took a
few steps back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
"Leroy replied thoughtfully, "I don't know, It's not until
next Wednesday."
===
By way of Sermon Fodder. To get a regular dose of Christian Humor
and a modern-day parable send an email to subscribe-
sermon_fodder@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you
forward or post on the net so others may find our merry group.
-<>-
>The God of Surprises BY Howard E. Butt, Jr.
Recently, I accepted an invitation to do a newspaper interview that
I didn't much want to do. Schedule pressures plus the anticipation
of being asked a lot of personal questions left me in a rather
negative, reluctant mood.
But God surprised me. The person who interviewed me was a dynamo,
filled with excitement and joy. Rather than being the burden I
dreaded, the interview gave me new energy for the day. Fortunately—
albeit reluctantly—I had prayed about the interview even as I had
walked to meet the reporter. God answered my droopy prayer in spades.
Whitney Balliett authored a marvelous book on jazz titled The Sound
of Surprise. In it, he talks about the unpredictability of jazz. With
jazz, the listener never knows what's coming next—the rhythms, the
harmonies, the improvs—and this unpredictability makes it exciting.
Jazz always seems to surprise us.
So it is with life and work. The only certainty is change, and change
always comes as a surprise. We may be able to predict that change is
coming, but we can't predict the details of its unfolding. The good
surprises that God sends are often commonplace and ordinary.
Unfortunately, we don't allow them to surprise us. Instead, we live
in dread of the bad surprises. We want to anticipate them somehow, to
be one step ahead, to be in control.
Of course, it is wise to prepare ourselves for the bad surprises in
life, but we shouldn't overlook God's hand in every surprise. And we
must be careful not to let our expectations get in the way. Much of
the joy in our lives will be determined by how we react, and our
reactions can make the difference between a life of joy and a life of
fearful dread.
Remember the story of Paul and Silas sitting in jail one night?
Perhaps both men were tempted to give up, go to sleep, and forget
about the bad surprise of jail. Instead, Paul and Silas turned God's
surprise into singing. That's when the night really got exciting.
Jail doors opened, a guard almost killed himself, and a community
reached a spiritual turning point. What might have been a night of
despair turned into a night of wonderful surprises (Acts 16).
Unfortunately, by our very nature, we tend to face life with one eye
looking over our shoulder. We all experience betrayal at some point
in our lives. We all learn that bad surprises can be dangerous.
How do we guard against the bad surprises without becoming slaves to
fear? How do we continue to recognize and appreciate God's surprises
in the commonplace?
Most people want to think in terms of complex formulas and rules. In
reality, it's really a simple formula. Our joy starts with faith and
ends with thanksgiving. You see, we need a certain amount of faith to
wake up to the good surprises of God. Cultivate alertness. Jesus kept
telling his disciples, "Watch!" Pay attention! See all the good
stuff! Gratitude requires faith, and faith produces thankfulness.
Ingratitude is every day's atheism; God ignored is God denied.
When we live with gratitude—and an adequate humility—we are
constantly surrounded by awe. A lot of the awe and wonder in life
comes from looking for surprises. But surprises to us are never
surprises to God. Christ's resurrection is the Great Surprise. That's
why: "All things work together for good to them who love God" (Rom.
8:28).
from www.thehighcalling.org
========
Howard E. Butt, Jr., has dedicated his life to both the family
business and a ministry for Christian lay renewal. His vision for the
vital role of the laity in the church and daily life has led him to
write several books and produce one-minute radio spots entitled The
High Calling of Our Daily Work®.
TheHighCalling.org seeks to connect people with the faith that
undergirds and sustains all that we do. That's why it is the high
calling of our daily work. Daily work embraces all aspects and
activities of daily life—including home, community, leisure, as
well as occupation.
==============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Internet Safe Kids Site
http://www.netsmartzkids.org/indexFL.htm
Funny 30 year old story - whale blown up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Vmnq5dBF7Y
-<>-
>From Our Friend Viv:
Animal Odd Couple
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U
Amazing Grace Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtrnB4FZ-yc
---
...Sweet Videos! Thank You Viv!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatH:
One Pair Of Hands
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6gHR8lF3s4
---
...Awesome! Thanks Pat!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley:
Major cache of fossils unearthed in L.A.
http://tinyurl.com/dgo4lu
---
...That's pretty interesting! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Melva/My Love Song
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp2/MyLoveSong.html
carolyn w/ Harbor Lights ~The Platter's
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/harborlights.html
When Artists get bored
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html
Egg Stacking Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggart.html
Winter Sun
http://www.poetrybyken.us/spoems34/Winter%20Sun.html
Senior Sites
http://www.seniorsites.com/
Bored.com
http://www.bored.com/fun/
The Genie And The Blonde
http://www.buffaloschips.com/huqwiiuq.htm
Why There Are No Italian Muslims
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kasjiqwoi.htm
65 Chevy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jalka.htm
An Intellectual Blonde
http://www.buffaloschips.com/klalka.htm
Magic Food
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdhdjssaa.htm
The Proper Way To Listen To Classical Music
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asaaa.htm
Lock Bumping
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajhs.htm
Locked Bucks
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahhjs.htm
Look At My New Dog
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahsjjsk.htm
Lotto
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjsjsk.htm
Love
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshsj.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet,
send a blank e-mail to
LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
====================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"In Denver, President Obama signed the stimulus package into
law. Anyone feel stimulated?" -Jay Leno
"It's International Flirting Week. I guess we're supposed to
know how to flirt. Like if a woman scratches her head, she's
flirting...or she has fleas." -Craig Ferguson
"A new study finds that people who are chipper and happy
live longer. Which is surprising because people who are not
chipper and happy want to kill people who are always chipper
and happy." -David Letterman
"Sen. Judd Greg, who wanted to be in Obama's Cabinet as
commerce secretary but changed his mind, said that after
withdrawing his name he hoped he was just embarrassing
himself and not President Obama. To which Joe Biden said,
'Don't worry about it — I do it all the time.'"
- Jay Leno
"Happy Presidents Day! A solemn day in America, where we
celebrate presidents past by getting a great deal on
mattresses and big screen TVs."
- Craig Ferguson
The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and
came into our insurance office to file a disability claim.
As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under
"Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."
"Mattel is releasing a new "Teacher" Barbie next week.
Apparently, it's just like Malibu Barbie--only she can't
afford the Corvette." -Stephanie Miller
"The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty
training. Which I think is important, because when we want
to potty-train the baby we should set a good example."
--Howie Mandel
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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>TO SUBSCRIBE:
Visit Here
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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