Anyone Feel Stimulated? ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo . , )). -===- ,(( ))). ,((( ))))). .:::. ,(((((( ))))))))). :. .: ,((((((((' `))))))))))). : - : ,(((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))_:' ':_(((((((((((((((' `)))))))))))).-' \___/ '-._((((((((((( `))))_._.-' __)( )(_ '-._._((((' `))'---)___)))'\_ _/'((((__(---'((' `))))))))))))|' '|((((((((((((' jim `)))))))))/' '\(((((((((' `)))))))| |(((((((' `))))))| |((((((' /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ '---..___..---' ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* HELP! We NEED 2009 Angels for the Web Site! >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is appreciated - even just 5 dollars! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! GOD'S MOST ABUNDANT BLESSINGS TO YOU! ================ GOT A Cool Forward? Easy Yummy Recipe? Miracle Story? Sweet poem? Funny clean Joke? A Godly Inspiration? SHARE IT - We like it, We Love It, We Can't Get enough! Send it to me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net I'll Share It and Gladly Give YOU Credit For It! :) ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Saturday was another cold and snowy day, so I took advantage of it by spending some quality time on the computer with my friends on the yearbook, my grandson checking out movie trailers, and with doing up a new page for all us animal lovers. >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press! This one comes from a forward from our friend Sandi. I hope you find it as enjoyable as I did :) (\)_ ., (/c a\ / \_____((// P (/) ( (/||\_ Samwise [ ) ( , ) --=~(@)~=-- | \ --- | | ' '\, ,) '\,) Best Parents http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestparents.html --- ...Excellent One! Thank You Sandi! ======================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: The Drummer .;--""```````""--;. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by /( )\ his peers, decides to learn how to play \_`'-------------'`_/ some "real" musical instruments. He | `';-----;-----;'` | goes to a music store, walks in, | / : \ / : \ / : \ | approaches the store clerk, and says, |V.','.V.','.V.','.V| "I'll take that red trumpet over there \`./_\.;./_\.;./_\.`/ and that accordion." The store clerk jgs '...___________...' looks at him a bit funny, and replies, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay". ================================================================== +------------------- Bizarre Couples ----------------------+ Fabien Pretou, standing at 6ft, 2 inches tall, towered over his 3ft, 1 inch bride Natalie Lucius at their 1990 wedding in Seysinnet-Pariset, France. Harry Stevens, 103, married his 84-year-old cousin, Thelma Lucas, at a Wisconsin retirement home in 1984. In 1871, Captain Martin van Buren Bates married Anna Hanen Swan in London. She was 7ft 5 1/2 inches tall and he stood at 7ft 2 1/2 inches. When Ruth and Kevin Kimber married in 1990, she was 93 and he was 28. In 1863, American dwarf Charles S. Stratton married Lavinia Warren. He was 2ft, 10in tall and she was 2ft 8 in. In 1884, the widowed Lavinia married Count Primo Magri who was two inches shorter than her first husband. In 1995, following a courtship that lasted several months, 100-year-old Samuel Bukoro married 12-year-old Nyamihanda in Uganda. In 1994, 26-year-old Anna Nicole Smith tied the knot with 89-year-old millionaire J. Howard Marshall. She was attracted by his "kindness." Really? ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Wesley: .---. ___ /_____\ /\.-`( '.' ) / / \_-_/_ \ `-.-"`'V'//-. `.__, |// , \ |Ll //Ll|\ \ |__// | \_\ /---|[]==| / / \__/ | \/\/ /_ | Ll_\| |`^"""^`| | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J jgs |_ | _| (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ >Escape Maps of WWII Waddington PLC, the printing company best known for its games including Monopoly, was involved in a most unusual venture during the Second World War: printing maps on silk, rayon and tissue paper for military use and smuggling some of them to prisoners of war. Last year an archive of correspondence relating to the military maps, along with samples of the maps themselves, was donated to the British Library Map Library. A small fraction of the archive, relating to the initial planning and the early days of the project, is currently the subject of a small exhibition at the British Library, and a few items are reproduced here. http://www.mapforum.com/04/escape.htm --- ...Wow! Very Interesting! Thank You Wesley! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) ___ /___\ @____ /|\__/ / | / )| /__/V ejm 96 " V | | | m m >Don't talk to my parrot... Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check .' 'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, do not talk to my parrot!' 'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!' When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!' To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!' See - Men just don't listen! -<>- ____________________ | | | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP | |____________________| || ,-..'``. || || (,-..'`. ) || || )-c - `)\ || ,.,._.-.,_,.,-||,.(`.-- ,`',.-,_,||.-.,.,-,._. ___||____,`,'--._______|| |`._||______`'__________|| | || __ || | || |.-' ,|- || _,_,,..-,_| || ._)) `|- ||,.,_,_.-.,_ . `._||__________________|| ____ . . . . . <.____`> .SSt . . . . . _.()`'()`' . >Be 6 Again... A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?' Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!' The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong. SEND THIS TO ALL THE WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Viv! -<>- Best explanation I have seen ,--.,-"";-"-. .-;-/ / / .- `\ .-. ` ( ' ' ` ; `\/ \ \ / \ / (. C . ) | .-. | | _ / (` / | \ /}| | )(\ | `-> (____.| / ||| / \=====| | |\| Anyone Feel Stimulated? | |====| \ _/ ` \__/=====| |` `-'======| \ |=======/ | |=======| | .--, ########\ |/ / jgs |_|__|| ` `--. ,---;-'--'\ `--. `---`-------'-.___,___.---' >Stimulus Bill Explained Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?" The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed. At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool. They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed. The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told. The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool. The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?" The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper. The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough. However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!" The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill." --- ...Yeah, makes no sense to me either! "Giggles' - Thanks Viv! ============================================================== \ \ _o/ \ / \ \ \__ | \ \ \ \| \ \/ | \ \ | ejm97 \ \ >-->My Hobby: Renting Skis Copyright 2001 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright from this essay Everyone needs a hobby. Mine is renting snow-ski equipment. (I don't ever ski, because by the time I've sat through several hours of clotted traffic on the Interstate Slow-way System, stood in line to buy lift tickets, wrestled through seven layers of inner, outer and underwear so I can use the bathroom, and then struggled with a few thousand strangers through a winding maze of ropes to reach the chair lift, I never have time for more than one run down the mountain-hardly what one could call a hobby.) The process of renting equipment starts with the ski boots. Ski boots come in three comfort settings: "Dog bite", "alligator attack", and "bear trap". The technician wants to know if you'd prefer them "regular" or "high-performance". "What's the difference?" you ask. He shrugs. "Nuthin', except the regulars had a mouse family living in them all summer." You decide to go for the high-performance boots. This impresses the next guy in line, who rents you your skies. "Dude!" he greets you. "Dude," you reply civilly. "High-performance boots, huh? You gonna be slope shredding or bump bashing?" You picture yourself in the bar having a beer with lunch. "More like burger burping," you inform him. "Dude! So what length skis do you want? 170? 195?" These numbers, fortunately, are not inches. "I'm American, I don't do metric," you explain. "Dude!" the technician agrees. "Okay, do you want them so long you can't turn them, or so short you fall over the tips?" Since you'll be carrying them the length of a hundred football fields from the parking lot to the shuttle bus, you decide on "too short" over "too long"-at least they'll be lighter this way. Skis are now "parabolic" in shape, meaning that in the front and rear they are wide and stable, while in the middle, the part you actually stand over and rely on for support, they are as thin as the high wire in a circus. The technician hands over a form for you to fill out. "Dude," he explains. There are three pictures depicting different "skiing styles." In the first, the skier has legs spread awkwardly, ski tips pointed inward, body ready to fall. In the second, the skier's skis are together and he is leaning 'way over the side, ready to fall. In the third, the skier is in the trees, airborne, apparently already falling. If you're to pick how you're going to be getting down the mountains, you wonder why they don't show a picture of an ambulance. The technician will use the picture you select, plus a complicated formula based on your height, weight, and cholesterol level, to set the bindings so that when you're underneath the chair lift and a pretty woman is overhead, your skis will pop off. On the back of the form is a "release of liability" statement: "You, the undersigned dude, hereby acknowledge that you are far too old to be careening down the mountain on a pair of slats which have been specially waxed to exacerbate the effects of gravity. You acknowledge that your thighs will soon be trembling like Jell-O in an earthquake and that by the end of the day your face will freeze and fall to the ground. You agree that bones are meant to be broken, and that you don't need to feel your fingers or toes for the rest of the day. "You know that while snow is usually soft, we've spent the night running special equipment up and down the slopes so that they are packed hard as cement. There's no need to thank us for this. "You have the right to an orthopedist. If you do not know the name of an orthopedist, one will be appointed for you." A final piece of equipment: two poles, one for each hand, so that as you wobble and wave your arms, they will accentuate how stupid you look. You sign the form and struggle to the car. Your family is waiting impatiently-they want to hurry up and get to the slopes. But you just smile wisely-for the true hobbyist dude, it is the renting which is the important part. Write to Bruce. http://www.wbrucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm ============================================================ >-->From CupO'Cheer: __ @@;, ( ; ? : ); _| |_ | | || | | _| |_ | \ \ \/ || \/ ___ / / | __| |\ __||____||___||______/| | ||| | |_______ _________| | ||| ||| |____ | | ____| ||| Design by \ \______ ) | | / ______/ / || | | | | | /___| || Samule J. Neptune || | | |_ /| | |\ _| || || || | \__, / | | | \<__/ | || >DINING OUT! "Dining Out" is getting to be a pain in the you know what! Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience? Someone else cooked for you, served you and cleaned up after you. All you had to do was chew, swallow and pay. No longer, though. Today, you feel like a laboratory rat who has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk of cheese! "Good evening," the maitre d' said. "Table for two?" "Yes, thank you." "Smoking or non?" "Non smoking." "Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this evening?" "I guess indoors would be good." "Very well, sir," he said. "Would you like to be seated in the main dining room, the enclosed patio, or our lovely solarium?" "Uh, let me see... uh..." "I can give you a table with a lovely view in our lovely solarium." "I think the solarium would be lovely," I said. We followed him there... "Now, would you prefer a view overlooking the golf course, the sunset on the lake or the majestic mountains to the West?" "Whatever you recommend," I said. Let HIM make a decision for a change, I thought. He sat us by a window facing the golf course, lake or mountains. I couldn't tell which because it was dark outside. Then, a young man better dressed and better looking than anyone else presented himself at my table... "Good evening, my name is Paul, and I'll be your waiter this evening. Would you like a few minutes before I take your order?" "No," I said. "I'm just a meat-and-potatoes guy, so I'll have the filet mignon and a baked potato." "Soup, or salad?" "Salad." "We have a mixed-green salad, hearts of palm, or a very fine endive salad with baby shrimp." "Just a mixed- green salad, okay?" "Whatever you say, sir. Dressing?" I didn't want to make another decision..."Whatever you've got will be fine." "We have creamy Italian, Blue Cheese, Vinaigrette, Thousand Island, Honey Dijon and Ranch." "Just bring me one. Surprise me." "Creamy Italian is our house specialty. Would that be all right, sir?" "Yeah." I was curt. I was done with civility. "And for your baked potato?" I knew what was coming! "I just want the baked potato dry, you understand? I don't want anything on it." "No butter? No sour cream?" "No." "No chives? No bacon chips?" "No! Don't you understand English? I don't want anything on it. Just bring me a baked potato and a steak." "Would you prefer the six, eight, or 12-ounce steak, sir?" "Whatever." "Would you like that rare, medium rare, medium, medium well or well done? Or, if you prefer, we can butterfly it for you." "Pauly Boy," I said, "you are really starting to get me steamed." "Which brings up the vegetables, sir. Would you like steamed broccoli, creamed corn, sauteed zucchini, or diced carrots?" That did it!!! I threw my napkin to the floor, stood up, put my face right in his arrogant kisser and said, "How'd you like to settle this outside?" "Fine with me, sir. Would you prefer the parking lot, the side alley or the street in front of the restaurant?" "I prefer right here." Then I sucker-punched him. He ducked, then countered with a left hook right under my eye. It was the first time all night he hadn't offered me a selection. I collapsed semiconscious into my chair, as someone in authority rushed over and berated Pauly. I felt my tie being loosened, my collar unbuttoned, hands slapping my face. When I regained my senses, I saw the very concerned maitre d' right in front of my nose. He apologized and offered to buy me a drink, call the paramedics, whatever I wanted. "No, no," I said. "I'll be all right. Just bring me a glass of water." "Yes, sir, right away," he said. "Would you prefer imported mineral water, sparkling water, or club soda with a wedge of lime? (How far to Burger King, I wonder...) as seen in Da Mouse Tracks -<>- \ | / -- * -- / | \ /') ./') ('\. ('\ /' /.--''./'') (''\.''--.\ '\ :--'' ; ''./'') (''\.'' ; ''--: : ' ''./') ('\.'' ' : : ''./' '\.'' : :--''-..--'''' ''''--..-''--: dp >HOLD HANDS AND DON’T GET LOST! “How wonderful it is, how pleasant, when brothers live together in harmony!” Psalm 133:1 I walked up behind a set of two-year-old twins in a hospital corridor. At the same time the father turned and said to the boys, “Now hold hands so you don’t get lost.” He and his wife kept going. The boys did as they were told and then looked up at me. One held up his hand and said, “Don’t get lost.” I took his hand and we strolled along behind their parents. The mother looked back and saw me walking along with the boys. She started laughing and soon we all joined in. The family was black and I am white, but for that few minutes we were just people making our way holding hands and helping each other. Don’t you think that is the way God intended life? If we could learn to join hands and help each other, imagine what the world would be like. Seek to live in peace with those you meet. --Don M. Aycock To SUBSCRIBE: Send an e-mail with SUBSCRIBE CUP O'CHEER in the subject line to cheer316@sc.rr.com =================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >Note From Liberty Counsel: The emperor has no clothes 2/17/09 Today, President Barack Obama will sign into law the anti-faith, anti-life "stimulus" bill that could well bankrupt our nation -- both morally and economically. He will tout this bill that will ultimately cost taxpayers well over $3 trillion (that's $1,000,000 for each job allegedly saved or created) as a key component to solving our Nation's economic crisis. Meanwhile, his staff is busy downplaying expectations that the "stimulus" will actually have any impact this year. It is utter hypocrisy. All I can say is, just under one month into the Obama administration and it appears the emperor has no clothes! Thanks to the actions of so many citizens like you who boldly opposed the outrageous stimulus bill, Mr. Obama has been exposed as a far-left liberal who is shamelessly moving to expand government control while pushing an extremely radical anti-life, anti-faith agenda. Thanks to you, we came within ONE VOTE of stopping this anti-family, anti-faith "stimulus" bill! Thanks to you, one anti-faith provision was eliminated. And thanks to you, more than 100 billion dollars was eliminated from this bill. All this tells me that when we work together we can stop the administration's anti-family and anti-faith agenda. There is hope! Turn sound up and visit... http://tinyurl.com/aqat6b >MAJOR John Ziegler/www.HowObamaGotElected.com Update! Brand new and improved http://www.HowObamaGotElected.com >From OneNewsNow: Jesus Used by Group to Counter Stimulus http://www.onenewsnow.com/Blog/Default.aspx?id=425954 Preteen pro-life speech goes viral http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=425610 Update: http://www.onenewsnow.com/Blog/Default.aspx?id=425606 'Moderate Muslim' murders wife Islam-style http://www.onenewsnow.com/Security/Default.aspx?id=425888 Obama honeymoon short-lived in Muslim news arena http://www.onenewsnow.com/Security/Default.aspx?id=415656 Gov't can't shut down terrorist training camps in U.S. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Security/Default.aspx?id=418566 -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Speeding bullet stopped by hair weave ----------- KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Police in Kansas City, Mo., said a woman's tight hair weave stopped a bullet, keeping her from injury and likely saving her life. Officers said they arrived at the Country View Market at about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday to find the woman's boyfriend had allegedly shot out the back window of a car, KSHB-TV, Kansas City, reported Thursday. Investigators said the woman wasn't injured after her hair weave stopped the bullet and her boyfriend was taken into custody. -- Suspect tripped up by own pants -------------- PENSACOLA, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a fleeing burglary suspect was arrested after he tripped over his own fallen pants. The Escambia County Sheriff's Office said a deputy responded to an alarm at Beer City in Pensacola, Fla., at about midnight Tuesday and saw a suspect fleeing through the smashed front door of the business with several packs of cigarettes in his arms, the Pensacola News-Journal reported. The office said the suspect's armloads of cigarettes prevented him from hold- ing up his sagging pants, causing the trousers to fall and trip the suspect. Sheriff's Office spokesman Sgt. Ted Roy said the deputy caught up to the suspect and "he had cigarettes scattered all around him and his pants were down by his ankles." The 37-year-old suspect, who was released from Escambia County Jail after posting $12,000 bond, was charged with criminal mischief, burglary, theft and possession of drug paraphernalia. -- Family moves in cave bought on eBay ----------- FESTUS, Mo. - A Missouri family says the credit crunch has forced them to put up for sale the 17,000-square-foot home they created in a cave. Curt Sleeper told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch he and his family, like so many others, are victims of the credit crunch. He has been unable to obtain mortgage refinancing for the cave. "We don't want to move," he said. "But we need to protect our equity. We put everything we had into this home." So the Sleepers have listed the cave on eBay. The couple, who have two children and are expecting a third, bought the cave, a former mine, five years ago. In the late 1950s, it had been converted to a roller rink and night club called Caveland, where Tina Turner and other major stars played. The Sleepers lived in tents for several years while they worked on the cave, calling their temporary quarters Tentworld. The family says the cave in Festus, about 30 miles south of St. Louis, is peaceful, considering that it is only a few hundred feet from major highways and below a subdivision. It is located in a small box canyon with a bog and an assortment of wildlife. -- Man catches 6-pound rat in China ------------- FUZHOU, China - A Chinese man said he caught a 6-pound "rat the size of a cat" by its 12-inch tail in a residential area of the city of Fuzhou. The man, identified only as Xian, said he caught the gargantuan rodent after seeing a group of people crowding around it, The Daily Telegraph reported. Xian said he grabbed the rat, which he speculated might be a rare species or other valuable specimen, by its tail and the scruff of its neck. "I did it, I caught a rat the size of a cat," he said before shoving the animal into a bag. Fuzhou's local forestry unit said photographs indicate the large animal was a bamboo rat, but a close examination would be required for an official identific- ation. Sumatra bamboo rats can grow up to 30 inches long, including their tails, and can weigh as much as eight pounds, The Telegraph said. ========================================================= >-->From Laugh&Lift: >The Laugh: You know you're taking genealogy too seriously if... _ /) mo / ) |/)\) /\_ \__|= ( ) __)(__ _________+______/ \______+__________ __-- | R.I.P. |-_-- __ _-- - | ___ __________ ___ | -_-- __ || | | | {| /| | || __--- --_ --__- || | | | {| /|| | ||-- - || | | | {| /||| | ||__-- __-- -__|| | | | {| |}||| | ||-- __-- ||_|_|_|_{| |}|||_|_|| -__ --__- -|| | | | {& |}||/ | ||--- __-- || | | | {| |}|/| | ||-__ -- __--|| | | | {| |}/|| | ||__-- -__ -- || | | | {| &}||| | || __ --- __-|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_---__- -- - -_ || | | | {| |}||| | || -- __ejm 97|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_--__- _--- _________||_|_|_|_{| |}|||_|_||______________ |}|/ |}/ |/ - You are the only person to show up at the cemetery research party with a shovel. - To put the "final touches" on your gennealogical research, you've asked all of your closest relatives to provide DNA samples. - You were instrumental in having "non-ggenealogical use of the genealogy room copy machine" classified as a federal hate crime. - Your house leans slightly toward the sside where your genealogical records are stored. - You decided to take a two-week break ffrom genealogy, and the U.S. Postal Office immediately laid off 1,500 employees. - Out of respect for your best friend's unquestioned reputation for honesty and integrity, you are willing to turn off that noisy surveillance camera while she reviews your 57 genealogical research notebooks in your home. The armed security guard, however, will remain. - You plod merrily along "refining" yourr recently published family history, blissfully unaware that the number of errata pages now far exceeds the number of pages in your original publication. - During an ice storm and power outage, you ignore the pleas of your shivering spouse and place your last quilt around that 1886 photograph of dear Uncle George. - Ed McMahon, several t.v. cameras and aan envelope from Publishers Clearing House arrive at your front door on Super Bowl Sunday, and the first thing you say is, "Are you related to the McMahons of Ohio?" - "A Loving Family" and "Financial Securrity" have moved up to second and third, respectively, on your list of life's goals, but still lag far behind "Owning My Own Microfilm Reader." - A magical genie appears and agrees to grant your any one wish, and you ask that the 1890 census be restored. To Subscribe send a blank email to: listsendinfo@laughandlift.com ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: I'm sure everybody has heard that Obama has signed the $787 billion economic stimulus package. I just read an interesting article which described what that kind of money could buy. Here are a few of the more interesting examples... * There are about 1,509,180 elementary school teachers in the US, who are paid an average salary of $45,570 per year. The stimulus could pay every elementary school teacher's salary for 11 years. * The stimulus package could pay off the $550 billion in out- standing student loan debt in the United States, and still have $237 billion left over. * With the Big Mac currently worth about $3.54, the stimulus could purchase over 222 billion of the beloved burgers. I'm still trying to figure out how to pay off the boat! Maybe I should write the president and ask him if it's too late to add a rider onto that bill. Laugh it up, Joe -<>- . o .. o . o o.o ...oo __[]__ __|_o_o_o\__ \""""""""""/ \. .. . / ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ unknown My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is such a mess?" "My house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls." -<>- "Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual" Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teen- agers. Teenager Owner's Manual Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenage daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the main- tenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund.) IF YOU FEEL, YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR: To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenager girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she: (a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing? (b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)? (c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry? If any of these are true, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though. -<>- I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she could get for her. "I need a dress for my class reunion," the woman answered. "I don't care what color or style, as long as it makes me look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger." From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, "Make that two." -<>- A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him. The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room. The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes." ============================================================= >-->From The Jokester: ________ __(_____ <| (____ / <| <| (___ / <| L`-------. (__ / L`--------. \ / `. ^^^^^ | \ | | \---------' |/ |______|____________/] [_____|`-.__________] VK You know you work for the government when... * The process becomes more important than the product * You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about * You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there * You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them. * You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money. * You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym. * You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of acronyms. * You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention * You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards. -<>- Moishe Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian Government. Govt. official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?" No reply. Government official asks the question again. And still not reply. Finally he shouts, "Moishe, why don't you reply?" Moishe: "Because, I have a sweater." ========================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: >The Prayer Request _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ Leroy went to a revival at a local church and listened intently to the preacher. After awhile, the preacher asked anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front of the altar. Leroy got in line and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher put one finger in Leroy's ear and he placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head and prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle. After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, took a few steps back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?" "Leroy replied thoughtfully, "I don't know, It's not until next Wednesday." === By way of Sermon Fodder. To get a regular dose of Christian Humor and a modern-day parable send an email to subscribe- sermon_fodder@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward or post on the net so others may find our merry group. -<>- >The God of Surprises BY Howard E. Butt, Jr. Recently, I accepted an invitation to do a newspaper interview that I didn't much want to do. Schedule pressures plus the anticipation of being asked a lot of personal questions left me in a rather negative, reluctant mood. But God surprised me. The person who interviewed me was a dynamo, filled with excitement and joy. Rather than being the burden I dreaded, the interview gave me new energy for the day. Fortunately— albeit reluctantly—I had prayed about the interview even as I had walked to meet the reporter. God answered my droopy prayer in spades. Whitney Balliett authored a marvelous book on jazz titled The Sound of Surprise. In it, he talks about the unpredictability of jazz. With jazz, the listener never knows what's coming next—the rhythms, the harmonies, the improvs—and this unpredictability makes it exciting. Jazz always seems to surprise us. So it is with life and work. The only certainty is change, and change always comes as a surprise. We may be able to predict that change is coming, but we can't predict the details of its unfolding. The good surprises that God sends are often commonplace and ordinary. Unfortunately, we don't allow them to surprise us. Instead, we live in dread of the bad surprises. We want to anticipate them somehow, to be one step ahead, to be in control. Of course, it is wise to prepare ourselves for the bad surprises in life, but we shouldn't overlook God's hand in every surprise. And we must be careful not to let our expectations get in the way. Much of the joy in our lives will be determined by how we react, and our reactions can make the difference between a life of joy and a life of fearful dread. Remember the story of Paul and Silas sitting in jail one night? Perhaps both men were tempted to give up, go to sleep, and forget about the bad surprise of jail. Instead, Paul and Silas turned God's surprise into singing. That's when the night really got exciting. Jail doors opened, a guard almost killed himself, and a community reached a spiritual turning point. What might have been a night of despair turned into a night of wonderful surprises (Acts 16). Unfortunately, by our very nature, we tend to face life with one eye looking over our shoulder. We all experience betrayal at some point in our lives. We all learn that bad surprises can be dangerous. How do we guard against the bad surprises without becoming slaves to fear? How do we continue to recognize and appreciate God's surprises in the commonplace? Most people want to think in terms of complex formulas and rules. In reality, it's really a simple formula. Our joy starts with faith and ends with thanksgiving. You see, we need a certain amount of faith to wake up to the good surprises of God. Cultivate alertness. Jesus kept telling his disciples, "Watch!" Pay attention! See all the good stuff! Gratitude requires faith, and faith produces thankfulness. Ingratitude is every day's atheism; God ignored is God denied. When we live with gratitude—and an adequate humility—we are constantly surrounded by awe. A lot of the awe and wonder in life comes from looking for surprises. But surprises to us are never surprises to God. Christ's resurrection is the Great Surprise. That's why: "All things work together for good to them who love God" (Rom. 8:28). from www.thehighcalling.org ======== Howard E. Butt, Jr., has dedicated his life to both the family business and a ministry for Christian lay renewal. His vision for the vital role of the laity in the church and daily life has led him to write several books and produce one-minute radio spots entitled The High Calling of Our Daily Work®. TheHighCalling.org seeks to connect people with the faith that undergirds and sustains all that we do. That's why it is the high calling of our daily work. Daily work embraces all aspects and activities of daily life—including home, community, leisure, as well as occupation. ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Internet Safe Kids Site http://www.netsmartzkids.org/indexFL.htm Funny 30 year old story - whale blown up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Vmnq5dBF7Y -<>- >From Our Friend Viv: Animal Odd Couple http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U Amazing Grace Song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtrnB4FZ-yc --- ...Sweet Videos! Thank You Viv! -<>- >From Our Friend PatH: One Pair Of Hands http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6gHR8lF3s4 --- ...Awesome! Thanks Pat! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley: Major cache of fossils unearthed in L.A. http://tinyurl.com/dgo4lu --- ...That's pretty interesting! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/My Love Song http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp2/MyLoveSong.html carolyn w/ Harbor Lights ~The Platter's http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/harborlights.html When Artists get bored http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html Egg Stacking Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggart.html Winter Sun http://www.poetrybyken.us/spoems34/Winter%20Sun.html Senior Sites http://www.seniorsites.com/ Bored.com http://www.bored.com/fun/ The Genie And The Blonde http://www.buffaloschips.com/huqwiiuq.htm Why There Are No Italian Muslims http://www.buffaloschips.com/kasjiqwoi.htm 65 Chevy http://www.buffaloschips.com/jalka.htm An Intellectual Blonde http://www.buffaloschips.com/klalka.htm Magic Food http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdhdjssaa.htm The Proper Way To Listen To Classical Music http://www.buffaloschips.com/asaaa.htm Lock Bumping http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajhs.htm Locked Bucks http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahhjs.htm Look At My New Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahsjjsk.htm Lotto http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjsjsk.htm Love http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshsj.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ==================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In Denver, President Obama signed the stimulus package into law. Anyone feel stimulated?" -Jay Leno "It's International Flirting Week. I guess we're supposed to know how to flirt. Like if a woman scratches her head, she's flirting...or she has fleas." -Craig Ferguson "A new study finds that people who are chipper and happy live longer. Which is surprising because people who are not chipper and happy want to kill people who are always chipper and happy." -David Letterman "Sen. Judd Greg, who wanted to be in Obama's Cabinet as commerce secretary but changed his mind, said that after withdrawing his name he hoped he was just embarrassing himself and not President Obama. To which Joe Biden said, 'Don't worry about it — I do it all the time.'" - Jay Leno "Happy Presidents Day! A solemn day in America, where we celebrate presidents past by getting a great deal on mattresses and big screen TVs." - Craig Ferguson The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook." "Mattel is releasing a new "Teacher" Barbie next week. Apparently, it's just like Malibu Barbie--only she can't afford the Corvette." -Stephanie Miller "The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty training. Which I think is important, because when we want to potty-train the baby we should set a good example." --Howie Mandel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************