Arachnoleptic Fit And More ...) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ._,-,_. _ ________ _ ______ __ ||| ||| / \ |__ __| / \ | _ \ | | ||| ||| / . \ | | / . \ | |_) / | | ;|| ||: / /_\ \ | | / /_\ \ | ( | | ./ /| |\ \. / ___ \ | | / ___ \ | |\ \ | | |./ :_: \.| /__/ \__\ |__| /__/ \__\ |__| \__\ |__| *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) We have a super hot one that comes to us from forwards from two of our friends - Linda And Annie. This is sure to warm the hearts of all of you who love kids and pets. Check it out here... |\ || \ | | | /.,, / ( / \ ( \ \ \_\__ .' '--._ ,__,-., / _";__( ,__._7 / ) \_ Y,=; \d ( _.' ~/ 6, '-, \___ ; ( _,-. Y) (C(/\. ) /I-._\(_'-' \_\_,-,_ /,,/ '-7) \ |"\_ \ ` \ _\ \_ \___ (` \_ '.<,_))) snd `-\,))) Nanny Animals 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals2.html --- ...Such an adorable one! Thank You Ladies! ============================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Dear Diary, It's been a while since I've made an entry, but I've been rather busy. Between work, family and my never ending search for the perfect Hooters waitress, I just haven't had the time. But tonight something special happened. During the celebration of my youngest daughter's first birthday, we discovered that she is a genius. * With cameras rolling we put her _....#...._ first piece of birthday cake in .-'` # `'-. front of her. One taste and she |`-.............-'| was off to the races. Cake | Happy Birthday! | everywhere. The table, the \ _ .-. _ / floor, the chair and a four inch ,-|'-' '-' '-' '-'`|-, radius around her mouth, pretty /` \._ _./ `\ much her entire face. She did '._ `"""""""""""` _.' manage to get a goodly amount `''--...........--''` into her mouth by herself, but ) ( that's not what makes her a genius. .--' '--. jgs / \ When she had finished and realized that `'---------'` she wasn't going to get another piece, she picked up the paper plate and began to lick the frosting off of it! I didn't learn that trick until I was almost 20 years-old! .===. "Honey! Honey! Do you see that? / ,,, \ She's a genius," I said as fatherly ( /6.6\ ) pride began to seep in. )( _ )( (_/;---;\_) "She picked up the plate and licked / "=" \ it. She's a genius!" ( (_.@._) ) /'._\|/_.'\ My wife thought so, too. She said, /. . . . . .\ "Yeah. She gets that from your side `"`"|"|"|"`"` of the family." jgs _|_|_|_ (___|___) ================================================================== +----------------- Bizarre Test Answers ------------------+ The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her, but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come onto in pears. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. Q: Give the meaning of the term "caesarian section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels, and you get intercontinental. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery." ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) __,_____ (( __.==--" - - - - - - -------- ==> /\(-' `-)))/))) (((((\( )/)\)\\ ,//(((((\\. ((( (! !) ))) "bAd hAIr dAy" _))) - |(_ ._//\ O /\\_. `-'_/`,-.'\-`- ,' \/===\/ `. hjw >Shampoo Warning Dear Friends, I just discovered this important info below. Please share with all your friends. I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!!! It's the shampoo I use in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY." NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!! Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn Dish Soap instead. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE." Problem solved! If I don't answer the phone...I'll be in the shower. --- ...Wow! So that's my problem! LOL! Thanks Johanna! -<>- She sent us one we have here... Baby Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html --- ...Such an adorably funny reminder! Thanks Johanna! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Sandy :) .!!!!!. ' __ __ ' | Lo_Y_oJ | (, (___) ,) | | | ___ | \ / _J'-._.-'L_ _.-' `-._dp >Are YOU Older Then Dirt? Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.' 'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?' 'It was a place called 'at home,' I explained. ! 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it : Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at about 6 a.m And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people... I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it? MEMORIES: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. How many do you remember? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. Older Than Dirt Quiz : Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about .s$$-"""-$$s. $$' __ __ '$$ $$ Lo_Y_oJ $$ ($ (___) $) | | | ___ | '. .' _J'-._.-'L_ _.-' `-._dp Ratings at the bottom. 1. Candy cigarettes 2. Coffee shops with table side juke boxes 3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles 4. Party lines on the telephone 5. Newsreels before the movie 6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate]) 7. Peashooters 8. Howdy Doody 9. 45 RPM records 10. Hi-fi's 11. Metal ice trays with lever 12. Blue flashbulb 13.Cork popguns 14. Studebakers 15. Wash tub wringers 16. Out house If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 11-16 =You're older than dirt! I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life. Don't forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your really OLD friends... --- ...I'm not supposed to tell my age 'grins'. TeeHee! Thanks Sandy! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .------. ___ .' ___ \ ___ ___ |===|-' |===| `>|===| |===| |===| |===| |===|---->|===|| _/| |==_|---->|==_| |==_| .-|==_||| // o\ | ^ .' |___|| || ._) | `----------' |___|------> //__\ | | )___( | V >How the Internet Started In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP). And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). That is how it all began. And that's the truth. --- ...HaHa! Sounds Good to me! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- Surfing the waves of the Digital Ocean.. . . - _ . . ~ . ~ - ~ . = . ~ ~ ~ __.---~~_~~_~~_~~_~ ~ ~~_~~~ . . .-' ` . ~_ = ~ _ = . ~ . ~ .' `. ~ - = ~ - _ ~ ` ~ . }` = - _ ~ - . ~ ` = ~ _ . ~ }` . ~ = ~ = ~ - ~ - _ . } ~ .__,~O ` ~ _ ~ ^ ~ - `}` - = /#/`-' - ~ = ~ _ ~ ~ . } ~ - |^\ _ ~ _ - ~ -_ = _ }` _____ /_ /____ - ~ _ ~ _ jgs }` `~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`_ = _ ~ - _ _ _ }` `. ~ . - _ = ~. ~ = . - = >Mensa Invitational The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 13. Glibido : All talk and no action. 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. _____________________________________ !\/ ! \/ ./ !/\ ! |\ ./ ! \ ! / \ ./ ! \______!______| \ ,/ ! /\ ! ./\ ,/ ! / \ ! | \ ,/ !/ \___!____| ,/ ! / \ _!__ *\,/ ! ! \ ! \,/ ! ! | \! ,/ !----------K/ ! ! ,! /| ! !/ / | ! / \ / | !\./ \/ | !/\ / | ! \ / .o. ! \/ :O: ! / " ! / ! / !/ ! ! ! 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent. 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. --- ...LOL! Great! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- He sent us one we here... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ## .. #### ##.............## ## ##.............## ## ##.............## ## ##.............### ##...........## ############# ############# ################# -Berry- Sweets For The Sweet! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html --- ...Awww, a 'sweet' reminder! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ______ __ {-_-_= '. `'. {=_=_- \ \ {_-_ | / '-. | / .===, .--.__\ |_(_,==` ( o)'-. `---.=_ ` ; `/ \ `,-_ ; .'--') / {=_ ;=~` `"` `//__,-=~` <<__ \\__ jgs /`)))/`))) >Jesus Knows You're Here A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a dumb bird Moses?' |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg 'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.' --- ...LOL! A great Classic! Thanks Linda! And another good reason to always pray in the name of Jesus Christ instead of just using in Jesus' name. Anybody can be named Jesus but there is only one Jesus Christ! -<>- >A Positive Attitude A baby mosquito came back after flying the first time. His dad asked him "How do you feel?" He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!" clap clap Clap clap clap clap clap clap Clap clap clap clap clap , clap clap clap Clap clap A Positive Attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people t make it worth the effort! --- ...TeeHee! A good one! Thanks Linda! ============================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: [POLITICS] >From Grassfire: True or false: federal funds for Ground Zero Mosque? Special Report On Ground-Zero Mosque: Will Mosque Be Federally Funded? Reports are circulating once again that the developers of the Ground Zero Mosque have applied for a federally-funded grant to help build the mosque within sight of Ground Zero. Is it true that our tax dollars could help build the Ground Zero Mosque? In short, the answer is yes, but this is not "new" news. Last year, news broke that the developers had applied for a grant of $5 million from the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation (LMDC) as part of LMDC's "Community and Cultural Enhancement Program." Many news sources reported this story (see links below). Is the LMDC funded with federal tax dollars? Yes. LMDC received a $2 billion grant from the Department of Housing and Urban Development. This grant makes possible programs such as the "Community and Cultural Enhancement Program." What's more, religious organizations are invited to apply for Program funds. Our sources indicate that the status of the Ground Zero Mosque's application is unknown (LMDC has made no determination on the application or that determination has not been made public.) But the fact that Ground Zero Mosque developers are openly courting a federally-funded grant and are now using the 9/11 10th anniversary to promote their fundraising goals emphasizes that they are very serious about establishing a new mosque at Ground Zero. + + Petitions will be presented to City Officials. Grassfire Nation and the Patriot Action Network are taking part in a major rally in New York City on 9/11 to honor those who have fallen and oppose this new version of the Ground Zero Mosque. During these events, we will be delivering petitions and presenting our 9/11 Remembrance lapel pin to first responders and family members of victims as a special gift from fellow Americans. If you want to be included in this petition presentation to honor those who have fallen and oppose this new version of the Ground Zero Mosque, please go here: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=49437&PID=32288174 We are finalizing preparations for next week's delivery and need to hear from you as soon as possible. Once again, organizers of the Ground Zero Mosque are openly seeking $5 million in grants from a federally funded program. They are using the 9/11 event to raise millions more for their cause. If you want your voice to be heard, please sign the petition and notify your friends. Grassfire Nation Resources: Original news reports on Mosque funding request: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=49432&RID=32288174 http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=49433&RID=32288174 LMDC program http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=49434&RID=32288174 -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Senator: Obama Told Me Pass Amnesty or I'll Leave the Borders Open http://tinyurl.com/3szozqu -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: 1 in 4 Dems Want to Dump Obam http://tinyurl.com/3mm5z3a -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is parenting, and then there is Georgia parenting. Police have arrested a Georgia woman who they say forced her son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer as punishment for earning a bad grade. Meriwether County sheriff said that the 12-year-old boy told his teacher about the killing. The teacher reported it to the Division of Family and Child Services, who contacted police. The pet's death allegedly took place at the family's Warm Springs home. Police said the 38-year-old mother faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery. There is no word on whether the 12-year-old's grades improved, however the family cat is nervously awaiting the results of the child's next math quiz. *-- Neighbors call for skunk action plan --* JOLIET, Ill. - Residents of an Illinois neighborhood said they want their city to take action to curb the population of skunks in their area. Neighbors in the Bryan Avenue area of Joliet said the skunk population has been steadily growing during the past few summers and the smell has become a major problem, The (Joliet) Herald-News reported Monday. Doreen and Bob Swanson described the problem to the Joliet City Council last week as an epidemic and called on officials to create an action plan for the skunk infestation. The Swansons said they rented two traps from the Joliet Township Animal Control Center and have caught four of the animals during the past two weeks. Bryan Jones, an animal control officer for Joliet Township, said he picks up an average of three skunks per day, but he doesn't seem to be making a dent in the population. *-- Man creates 3D printer from Lego parts --* SAO CAETANO DO SUL, Brazil - A designer for Brazilian company Zoom Education for Life has created a 3D printer, which carves shapes from foam, made almost entirely from Lego components. Arthur Sacek said his milling machine utilizes parts from the Lego Mindstorms NXT robotic toolkit and includes only a single non-Lego part, the drill to carve the foam into 3D shapes, Tecca reported Tuesday. Sacek, who created the machine for Zoom Education for Life, which partners with Lego Education to create learning solutions, said he is planning a YouTube video to show the public how they can create their own 3D printers from NXT kits, which start at about $250. The designer said he is working on hooking the printer up to computers and altering it to handle materials other than floral foam. *-- Man shares 70-year-old beef with neighbors --* ESKILSTUNA, Sweden - A Swedish man said he hosted a meal for his neighbors and served beef that had been placed in a glass jar by his family more than 70 years ago. Eskil Carlsson said the beef was placed in a jar during food shortages in 1939 or 1940 by his wife's family and they decided to keep it in case "the bad times returned," The Local reported Wednesday. "I came into the picture after about 10 years. By then the family had developed (so much) respect for the jar, that it had stayed sealed. We talked about it from time to time and it became like a member of the family," he said. Carlsson said he decided it was time to open the jar after his wife's recent death. "I figured that 70 years was enough and that it would be a catastrophe if it started to leak and was thus destroyed. So I decided to make a bit an occasion and invited the neighbors for the opening," he said. "We did our homework and consulted the authorities about what might happen and they said there shouldn't be a problem." He said the first bite went to his cat. "The cat got the first taste and when it survived, we all had a taste," he said. "It didn't smell much. It didn't smell bad anyway. It was as if it had been meat from this week. I shouldn't exaggerate though, it was no delicacy," Carlsson said. *-- Burglar uses semi to steal sex toy --* AMHERST, Ohio - Authorities in Ohio said they are searching for a man accused of stealing a semi truck and crashing it into an adult store to steal an $800 sex toy. Detective Tony Kovacs of the Lorain County Sheriff's Department said the thief took the truck Sunday night from JT Container Recycling in Elyria and drove it about a half hour's distance to the AdultMart in Amherst, WJW-TV, Cleveland, reported Thursday. The burglar "used it to back into the AdultMart, smashing the glass door of the store and ran inside to steal a sex toy basically," Kovacs said. The detective said the $800 sex toy is "basically the lower half of a female body." He said the thief then drove the truck back to JT Container Recycling, where he fled on foot after being spotted by a deputy. John Tirbaso, owner of JT Container Recycling, said the thief did several thousands of dollars worth of damage to the truck and the fence around his business. Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored RIGHT HERE! Only $1.07! http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499 =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ____________________________________________________ |____________________________________________________| | __ __ ____ ___ || ____ ____ _ __ | || |__ |--|_| || |_| |||_|**|*|__|+|+||___| || | | ||==|^^||--| |=||=| |=*=||| |~~|~| |=|=|| | |~||==| | || |##|| | | || | |JRO|||-| | |==|+|+||-|-|~||__| | ||__|__||__|_|_||_|_|___|||_|__|_|__|_|_||_|_|_||__|_| ||_______________________||__________________________| | _____________________ || __ __ _ __ _ | ||=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=| __..\/ | |_| ||#||==| / /| || | | | | | | | | | | |/\ \ \\|++|=| || ||==| / / | ||_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_/_/\_.___\__|_|__||_||__|/_/__| |____________________ /\~()/()~//\ __________________| | __ __ _ _ \_ (_ . _/ _ ___ _____| ||~~|_|..|__| || |_ _ \ //\\ / |=|__|~|~|___| | | | ||--|+|^^|==|1||2| | |__/\ __ /\__| |==|x|x|+|+|=|=|=| ||__|_|__|__|_||_|_| / \ \ / / \_|__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_________________ _/ \/\/\/ \_ _______________| | _____ _ __ |/ \../ \| __ __ ___| ||_____|_| |_|##|_|| | \/ __| ||_|==|_|++|_|-||| ||______||=|#|--| |\ \ o / /| | |~| | | ||| ||______||_|_|__|_|_\ \ o / /_|_|__|_|__|_|_||| |_________ __________\___\____/___/___________ ______| |__ _ / ________ ______ /| _ _ _| |\ \ |=|/ // /| // / / / | / ||%|%|%| | \/\ |*/ .//____//.// /__/__/ (_) / ||=|=|=| __| \/\|/ /(____|/ // / /||~|~|~|__ |___\_/ /________// ________ / / ||_|_|_| |___ / (|________/ |\_______\ / /| |______| / \|________) / / | | While working in the library at a university, I was often shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of paying their fees for overdue books. One evening an older student returned two books that were way overdue and threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to pay. I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand," she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!" -<>- At the beginning of my junior year of High School in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my friend put down for her aspirations. Where it read "Vocational Plans," she had written, "Florida." -<>- When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!'" -<>- An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a pro- minent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be five years from now?" "Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now." -<>- _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ A father is in church with three of his young children, in- cluding his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked with all the innocence of a five year old... "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?" -<>- "What kind of music do you sing?" "Aqua-pella." "Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without instrumental accompaniment?" "Nope. I mean 'aqua-pella', singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head." -<>- I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address. It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank. -<>- While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough." ========================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: ___________ /.---------.\`-._ // || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || _____ ||`-._ \ _..._ || | __ ! || `-._ | _/ \|| .' |~~|| `-._ | .-`` _.`|| / _|~~|| .----. `-._| | _.` _|| | |23| || / :::: \ \ \ _.--` _.` || | |56| || / ::::: | | | _.-` _.|| | |79| || | _..-' / _\-` _.`O || | |_ || |::| | .` _.`O `._|| \ | || |::| | .-` _.` `._.' || '.__|--|| |::| \ `-._.-` \`-._ || | ": !|| | '-.._ | \ `--._|| |_:"___|| | ::::: | | \ /\ || ":":"|| \ :::: | | \( `-.|| .- || `.___/ / | | || _.- || | | / \\.-________\\____.....-----' \ -. \ | | \ `. \ \ | __________ `. .'\ \| |\ _________ LGB `..' \ | | \ \\ .' | / .`. | \.' | |.' `-._ \ _ . / \_\-._____) \_.-` .`'._____.'`. \_\-| | `._________.' Here are our answers to all the annoying calls and junk mail we receive. 1) Three Little Words That Work: "Hold On, Please..." Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words could help eliminate telephone soliciting. 2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home. What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Since doing this, my phone calls have decreased dramatically. 3) Another Good Idea: When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes. Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! ( If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.) You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting their own junk back in the mail. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice! Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea! -<>- >Conspiracy We Must Stop This immediately! Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here! All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too! -<>- >Time Off Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from work." said the man. "How do you think you will do that?" said the other one. He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy. "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The second worker began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going? "Home. I can't work in the dark." -<>- WHAT ? ? ? ! ! ! o o //@@ o @@ ") @@@ ~ @ _____ / \ / \ |\____\ / ( X ) | | | | <___=\ | | | \======\ \|_"_| (____ >Hurt My Computer I thought this was cool, and is something that many of us should be able to identify with. ---------------------------------------------------- "Hurt My Computer" I want to buy a software program that, when run, causes my computer to suffer grievously, though not permanently. When my screen freezes or turns blue, I want a special button I can push to make the CPU start squealing like a pig. I want a device that stores an electrical charge in my telephone. For every minute I spend on hold waiting for technical support to answer, the charge would increase in intensity. When the guy from tech support finally answers, the electrical bolt of energy would be discharged into him.This should not affect my ability to hear what's going on at the other end of the line, of course. And a special function would allow the volts to double every time a tape-recorded message urges me to continue holding. "Your call is important to us," the caressing voice always claims. I want my phone to be outfitted with a translation program which will reconstitute this irritating reminder into the truth: "Actually, we already have your money, so we couldn't care less." Our technical support department consists of two college kids, both of whom are busy playing Doom. Eventually, one of them will come on the line, but it will be the one who doesn't speak English." I want my modem to sense when my PC has committed an "illegal function" and issue a warrant to arrest Bill Gates. When my system crashes and I lose a file that has taken me more than an hour to create, I want someone from the computer company to come out and retype it for me I don't understand why new, "upgraded" software creates files that cannot be read by old, reliable software with the same name. Is there no one in the computer industry who has noticed that word processor files all look alike once they are open? Why can't 6.0 recognize a 7.0 file? It's all just words, isn't it? There should be a rule that when software engineers buy a new car, their old cars should cease to function. If they don't understand why this is happening, they should call me and I will explain it to them. How come when my computer catches a virus, I'm the one who misses work? I want to know why my printer always jams on the last piece of paper or the last sheet of checks. When this happens, it makes me want to put sandpaper into the manual feed and print the Emancipation Proclamation. I am really tired of hearing about all the things that happened with Y2K. Why didn't anybody ever ask these computer programmers how in the world they didn't know the year 2000 would follow the year 1999? Software engineers are supposed to be pretty bright people - what did they need - a memo or something? I want to know what good is a Web search engine that returns 324,909,188 "matches" to my keyword. That's like saying, "Good news, we've located the product you want. It's on Earth." I want to know why, when I had a tiny hard drive, my operating system was virtually crash-proof and took up so little space. My new operating system is five times the size of my original hard drive. With every "upgrade," it seems to grow 75 percent. That's as if every time your mother-in-law came to visit she weighed another 500 pounds. Now I've learned that my PC no longer "recognizes" my floppy drive! How could they not recognize each other? They live together in the same little box! Please understand, I don't hate my computer...I just want to hurt it every once in a while! -<>- >Puns of the Weak - POETRY Oh my! You're making me blush on email... o o //@@ o @@ vv) @@@ V @ _____ / \ / \ |\____\ | ( X ) | | | | | | ( | | | | \======\ \|_"_| (____ Papa loved mamma Mamma loved men Mamma's in the graveyard Papa's in the pen. (Carl Sandburg) In youth, an ellipse Was my shape of hair. Now I'm Careful how eclipse. (John S. Crosbie) Tried to look at an ad for a spy For a government branch: FBI. Couldn't see advertisement; All I got was chastisement. "That is classified," came the reply. (Kirk Miller) Should the groom falter, The bride will deride and soon The chapel altar. (John S. Crosbie) Here lies my wife: here let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I. (John Dryden) A young manicurist named Gail Fell in love with a dentist named Dale They might still be together Were they birds of a feather But they constantly fought tooth and nail (Chris Caillouet) A shy piece of celery, named Walker Truly bored Bloody Mary, a talker Once she'd told him goodbye He'd still sneak around and spy For he was, by his nature, a stalker (Chris Caillouet) The plot is just right: New stewardess meets pilot; It's love at first flight! (John S. Crosbie) If seeking in haste To be bedded or wedded just lose if you're chaste! (John S. Crosbie) To the matador's woe and dismay He discovered his skin had turned gray When he asked his Ma-ma For a cure to this flaw She replied, "Try my Oil of Olé" (Chris Caillouet) OTHER SPECIALTY PUNS Ruminate: as in, "He entered the dining __ruminate__.." (Bob Dvorak) Rarify: as in, “ I'll have my steak __rarify__ may.” (Gary Hallock) Beneficiary: as in, "If the kids didn't swim here this pool might have __beneficiary__.” (Douglas Drill) Bachus: as in, "If we go up against them, are you going to __bachus__?” (Douglas Drill) Rankle: as in, "Pulling __rankle__ annoy the troops." (Bob Dvorak) Backer: as in, "I think reverse has gone out, I can't __backer__ up." (Douglas Drill) Soda: As in, “I __soda__ new button on my shirt.” (Stan Kegel) Rancid: as in, "He opened the mayonnaise jar and away__ ransid__." (Bob Dvorak) Litany: as in, “Students, standing in this relaxed position, , slowly bend one leg, and __litany__touch the ground (Douglas Drill) Stirrup: When a woman makes her first visit to the obstetrician it's bound to __stirrup__ some discomfort within her. (Gary Hallock) Begonia: as in, "__Begonia__ young rascal or I'll run you in." (Douglas Drill) Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon (Archives) 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton (Archives) 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles (Archives) 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen (Archives) "Even though your knee is obviously dislocated, I'm not going to recommend traction," said Dr. Tom, pulling my leg. (Gary Hallock) "I did it with the actor Mr. Parker," she confessed. (Weber & Bryan) "Take the prisoner below," said the captain condescendingly. (Weber & Bryan) INDIANS TAKEOVER BOW-FLEX COMPANY IN HOSTILE TAKEOVER (Steven Kramer) Women’s movement becoming more broad based. (Joke Center) Male pattern baldness attracts women from sewing club (Steven Kramer) "Wanna watch my act?" the stripper asked appealingly. (Cynthia MacGregor) "But I do not know Mr. Geiger," Tom countered. (Weber & Bryan) "Our sockets are overloaded," she declared confusedly. (Weber & Bryan) Job experts find when cannibals are put in management positions heads roll. (Steven Kramer) __ .-'||'-. .' || '. / __||__ \ | /`- -`\ | | | 6 6 | | \/\____7___/\/ .--------:\:I:II:I:/;--------. / \`:I::I:`/ \ | `------' | | \____/ | | , __ ___ , | |======| / | / _ \ |======| |======| ^| | | | | | |======| |~~~~~| | | | |_| | |~~~~~| | |\ [___] \___/ /| | \ \| |/ / `\ \ _ _.-=""=-._ _ / /' `\ '`_)\\-++++-//(_`' /' jgs ; (__|| ||__) ; ; ___\ /___ ; '. ---/-=..=-\--- .' `""` `""` Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away. (Pun of the Day) ============================================================ >-->From SermondFodder: >Watch your "P's" and "Q's" I was an enthusiastic supporter of the youth in my first parish 1978-83. Our area-wide grouping of 8 congregations in southwest Minnesota held a biennial gathering of youth, and offered recognition through a traveling plaque passed on to the group with the highest attendance at each meeting. Our group won the plaque at a fall meeting, and I made up an announcement for next Sunday's bulletin that trumpeted this accomplishment. In the hands of the church secretary, the bulletin delivered to the congregation the following Sunday, announced: "Congratulate our youth on receiving the traveling 'plague' at the youth gathering on Saturday night." It was good for a few laughs, and that should have been the end of things. However, the next spring my announcement to the congregation in the Sunday bulletin urged them to "Encourage our youth to invite their friends to the next youth gathering. It would be a real honor for them to receive the traveling (you guessed it) 'plague' for the second time in a row!" Needless to say, I requested the opportunity to proof-read the bulletin before printing from that time on. -<>- A Sermon Fodder Original Contributed by Rev. Phil Somsen. somsenp@ihs.org This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. -<>- >CLEAR WINDOWS Years ago I needed to borrow my friend's truck in order to run an errand while mine was being serviced. He told me I was welcome to use it, but to overlook the mess. Apparently the truck had mud caked all over it after some off-road four-wheeling from the previous weekend. "I just need to run an errand," I told him. "I don't care if it's clean or not." "Don't say I didn't warn you," he replied. When I dropped by to pick up the truck, I couldn't believe how filthy it was. Expecting to see the beautiful green Ford F-150, I was surprised to find a brown mess of dirt and weeds sitting in the driveway. It took a little while to find the keyhole to the driver’s-side door; and when I did, it took some yanking to get the door opened. I climbed inside the cab of the truck and closed the door. To my surprise, daylight immediately turned to night as the windows looked as if they had been covered with brown paint. I couldn't see to drive if my life depended on it. I had to spray off the windows before attempting to put the vehicle in gear. I find it ironic that the most important part of the vehicle is also its weakest. Without the window, the driver would never be able to safely navigate. The window gives a clear view of what lies ahead, and never draw's attention to itself. As I found out with my friend's truck, the window works best when it is transparent. As Christians, we too are windows. We know that collectively all Christians are the Church, but as individuals, we serve as windows for the Body. What this means is we too should be transparent and unobtrusive in order for the world to see Jesus Christ through us. In essence, we are the windows of Heaven. We need not necessarily point the way to Christ; we simply need to keep ourselves transparent. That means that we should keep ourselves from collecting dirt and grime that sin leaves after contact. We should keep our windshield-washer reservoirs filled with God's Spirit, and allow the wipers of His Word to remove anything that could be obtrusive or staining. So often we see television evangelists and Christian leaders who are no longer transparent or unobtrusive windows to the message they preach or teach. They speak of God, but their windows are certainly not allowing others to see the God they speak of. They have become like stained-glass windows--drawing attention only to themselves, thus failing to be the transparent portal they were called to be. Don't think that what I say reflects a better-than-thou attitude with this; I am as guilty as anyone. And I know better than anyone that I am nothing special to look at. I'm a weak Christian--as fragile as glass, asked only to be transparent, yet seeming always to be muddy. Still, I have enough sense to allow God to continue cleansing me, to allow His Word to keep wiping the sin away, and to know that stained- glass windows, although beautiful to look at, are not an accessory I want on my truck. By Mike Collins ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Christianity http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/christianity.html Angel Wing Decoys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angel.html High Tech Toys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html Playing With Words http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wordplay.html Humor In Politics http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics6.html Got A Nanosecond? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano.html Identity Theft 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Life's Little Oops 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html Magic Cats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/magic.html Mabel The Chicken http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chicken.html Taking A Catnap 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap2.html Weird Rainy Days http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) asian castles, palaces and forts http://goo.gl/cLpzi America’s castles http://goo.gl/t310K free word search puzzles http://goo.gl/Ghp3e a beach in the middle of a meadow http://goo.gl/2gHLv --- ...Cool! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From Our Friend John-Paul :) Huh? http://www.terrisfp.com/flash10/huh.html Redneck Airlines http://www.terrisfp1.com/domtoons2/redneck.html --- ...TeeHee! Thanks John-Paul! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE: AAADD http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=6oHBG3ABUJU&vq=medium Click on the following and see the %'s of different religions in your State and elsewhere. http://www.usatoday.com/news/graphics/pew-religion-08/flash.htm --- ...Interesting! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Max Porta Potty http://www.buffaloschips.com/gssshdj.htm McDogo http://www.buffaloschips.com/gasew.htm McElway Basketball http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahdjjs.htm Men Can't Multitask http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsashsjs.htm Men Invented Everything http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnjjhjk.htm Walking The Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/dflkj5.htm Walking Comp http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkjyu.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes And Thunkers: "I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious." --George Carlin "When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal. Before he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a lecture. 'Now I'm not giving you this car so you can screw it up.' Well, I said to myself, then I don't want it." --Louie Anderson "You can't believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you're productive when you're unemployed. Always thinking up things to tell them you're going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere day...it's worse than having a job. At least when you're employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business." --Drew Carey "President Obama and some prominent Democrats proposed a solution to the erupting volcano — they want to pour money into it." -Jay Leno "They've opened an exclusive nightclub in New York City, just for dogs. This is why the rest of the world hates us." -David Letterman "Apparently some of the lawyers that wrote the Arizona immigration law are tied to Belgian extremists. I didn't know that Belgians could be extreme about anything — except maybe waffles." -Craig Ferguson "This week is Teacher Appreciation Week. Teacher Appreciation Week began in 1985 when state and federal governments decided that giving teachers a holiday was cheaper than paying them more." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new survey found that one-third of married women with pets say their animals are better listeners than their husbands. When husbands heard that they were like, 'Huh? You say something?'" -Jimmy Fallon "The State Department has warned against travel to the tribal regions of Pakistan. There goes my summer vacation." -David Letterman "According to a survey by Playboy magazine, three percent of women can't remember their natural hair color. You know what you call these women? Blondes." -Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************