At Your Own Risk And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ,-. ,-. ||,\ -=- /,|| F'\\\,o8o,///`J J'J`,\(".")/,'F`L |F||\ \>PVDo You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press... Well, this one is special in that it has a bit of irony to it. It comes from a forward from our friend Sandi. It is about the Navy's newest pirate catcher! While I was working on it Sunday, my computer got pirated by the desktop.antivirus.com hi-jacker! A nasty trojan that tries to hold your computer hostage until you buy their virus removal software. Unfortunately like many pirates it doesn't really do any good to give in and go to their nasty web site to buy their program - you just get into more hot water! .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB It makes it so you can't run your programs on your computer. Fortunately my Mozilla Firefox did work and I was able to use it to find information here: http://remove-malware.net/how-to-remove-desktop-antiviruscom-hijacker/ Once Paul had the info he was able to use PcTools to clean the registry and the virus 'pirate' was history! Of course, I am behind on my web work. I managed to finish my newest page and right at it's finish our friend Ralph added his wonderful original fire animation that summed up my feelings to all pirates and these nasty virus and trojan programmers! *** * //* //* ** **/| ** ************//*********** ***********//************ ** |/** ** **/| *// //* |/** **/| *** *// *** ***** //* ***** ******* |/** ******* ************* ******* * unkown LCS 2 USS Independence http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lcs2.html --- ...Absolutely Awesome! Thank You Sandi And Ralph!! ============================================================ >-->From The FunnyBone: Total Loss .\^/. . |`|/| . |\|\|'|/| A man walks into a friend and sees that .--'-\`|/-''--. his friend's car is a total loss and \`-._\|./.-'/ covered with leaves, grass, branches, >`-._|/.-'< jgs dirt and blood. He asks his friend, '~|/~~|~~\|~' "What's happened to your car?" | | "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer". .'|'. /.'|\ \ "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But | /|'.| what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and \ |\/ the dirt?" jgs \|/ ` "Well, I had to chase him all through the park." ==================================================================== +----------- Even More Bizarre January Holiday ------------+ January 20 is National Buttercrunch Day January 21 is Rid the World of Fad Diets, Gimmicks Day, and Squirrel Appreciation Day January 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day January 23 is National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day January 25 is Opposite Day January 26 is Australia Day January 27 is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, and Rattle Snake Round-Up Day January 29 is National Cornchip Day January 30 is Inane Answering Message Day January 31 is National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) >Hi , ____ , ,)\\ /< c \o__/(_____ _)|/ ,/\_/\ '\ ('/___/ \$/ \ \\) \/ : < \ |/____| | / / | : /__o/ |__'__/(_| b'ger \ )_ /|\ Here is a great tool to get your computer ready for the new year. You probably don't clean your computer screen very often and it is really hard to do the inside, so here is my present to you. click here and wait for a few seconds http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf and the inside of your screen will be cleaned for you! -<>- _ " _ _ " _ (_\|/_) (_\|/_) _ " _ _ " _ (/|\) (/|\) (_\|/_) " _ (_\|/_) (/|\)_\|/_) (/|\) ejm97 (/|\) >WAL-MART 1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart every hour of every day. 2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute! 3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year. 4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined. 5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private Employer,and most speak English. 6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World. 7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years. 8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket Chains sought bankruptcy. 9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world. 10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 Years ago. 11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.) 12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart. You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that..... MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy because the idiots in Washington sure can't do it! --- ...Yeah - Sandi! Thanks! They aren't used to making money in Washington - all they know how to do is spend Our money! =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) . Did ya hear about this one? . . . ,-,--. __| //``-, \ \_`\ )\a-a-? \ \ \_`(_=_/_-`__ \__, , \| | _ _,' ___7 ) | (_)(_`__(_,---' | ( _( ) | / /_| |________| __/__/__|__|_________) _________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic >Teacher arrested at John F. Kennedy Airport Date: Friday, December 4, 2009, 8:48 PM An RPI teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. '"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow --- ...TeeHee! A good One! Thanks Viv! =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Fig :) ____.-"":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":"-. (___:===='==='==='==='==='==='==='=A ' ' ' ' ' ' ) jgs `'-._92____94____96____8__|_100____2_____4_____6_____8.-` When you have an 'I Hate My Job day' [Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized." Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.' HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN THAN YOURS! ....Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart... Then you are just an old sour fart; Maybe you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date! --- ...LOL! Thanks Fig! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,v. _____>o< / |_ (_________) ///,-.-.\\\ _||__|__||_ (_\|_O|_O|/_) )(#__)( ((`---')) _,. \\-.-// ////) \`-'/ (`'//// __/\`-'/\__ _ ) / ,-'|( )o( )|`-. /o`. ,' ,' ||\/>-<\/|| /`-/`. `. ,'`- || /)O_\ || '` `./ /` !||/o.(_)\||!, -..' / .'!|/o_O o(_\|!`-.__.' / .' !|\(_)o Oo/|! /`._.' !||\O.o_o/||! \o | .=!|| `.(.' ||!=. /`-'\ (( \|| o ||/ )) _\ |) )`-||___o___||-'( / `--'\ |//|| | : ||\\| /.--==--.\ |/(X) | : (X)\| o/ ______ \o| |_: | _ [\' `/]| __ ,,,,,| (/ |\`--==--'/||,,,,, | |///| | _ | )/)/`.(' |||oOo| | |///| | (/ | `(_) \) |||OoO| | ''''' | \ `PAINT'/ |''''' _| | _,`-=..=-' | |_| ,'\ | (_/ /( | | \,' | \_) `-.___.-^-.___.-' ,---. |=| |=| ,---. ( # \,,,,&/`-'| |`-'\&,,,,/ # ) \ ) ( / `========'`==' `=='`========' hjw >Read At Your Own Risk: Here's one I bet you didn't know. Laughing can kill you. It's called Fatal Hilarity (I'm not making this stuff up). It's not very common. One of the more recent cases occurred in 1975. Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn, England, literally died laughing while watching an episode of The Goodies. According to his wife, who was a witness, Mitchell was unable to stop laughing while watching a sketch in the episode 'Kung Fu Kapers' in which Tim Brooke-Taylor, dressed as a kilted Scotsman, used a set of bagpipes to defend himself from a psychopathic black pudding (once again...I'm not kidding). After twenty-five minutes of continuous laughter Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and expired from heart failure. His widow later sent the Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell's final moments so pleasant. At this point I am obligated to point out that neither Clean Laffs nor Clean Laffs Joe (AKA Cecil Merriweather, AKA Flint Ironstag) is legally liable for any deaths resulting from reading this publication. If you have a heart condition you are recommended to stop reading now. Laugh it up, Joe -<>- At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in. When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?" -<>- An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors." -<>- When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look, like, twenty years younger. -<>- Artifacts are a major portion of an American-Indian reser- vation's economy. Annually, thousands of tourists visit reservations and most will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of the traditional Indian culture. One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard wood was used, this Indian would use cheap pine on which he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at only a fraction of the cost. While he claimed his dolls were still authentic, his com- petitors complained that it was only a cheap Sioux Veneer. -<>- This is a fool proof Best Friend Test. If you don't believe it, just try this- Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? -<>- "You've got a good lawyer to take care of the estate?" asked her mother. "Oh, don't talk to me about lawyers," said the recent widow angrily. "I've had so much trouble over the property. Some- times I wish Frank had never died." ========================================================= >-->From BizarreNews: -- Grammar vandals awarded book deal ------------- PORTLAND, Ore. - Two U.S. men convicted on federal vandalism charges for fixing typos on public signs said they have landed a book deal to write about their adventures. Benjamin Herson of Oregon and Jeff Deck of Massachusetts said they were given a $150,000 advance to write "The Great Typo Hunt," which is due out Aug. 3, The (Norfolk) Virginian-Pilot reported. The men were sentenced to probation and ordered to stay out of national parks for a year for correcting the grammar on a 70-year- old sign at the Grand Canyon's South Rim during their 2008 cross-country typo trek. They credited the case's publicity with helping them land the book deal. "The overreaction of the government probably helped us a lot in terms of getting this deal," Herson said. "It's one of those true lemonade-out-of-lemons stories." -- Pranksters dress statue as Homer Simpson --------- DUNCHURCH, England - Residents of a British town said pranksters carried on a 40-year tradition of disguising a statue in the village, this time as Homer Simpson. Tony Kember, 66, chairman of the Dunchurch, England, historical society, said the village's 19th century statue of Lord John Scott was disguised as "The Simpsons" patriarch as part of an annual prank tradition that has previously featured the statue dressed as Harry Potter, Spider-Man, Guy Fawkes and Shrek, The Sun reported. "I have lived in the village for over 40 years and people were dressing up the statue before that," Kember said. "Nobody in the village seems to know who the culprits are -- or if they do they are not telling anyone," he said. "People in the village love seeing the statue dressed up, it is always a surprise which character he will be." -- Man crashes into cafe, orders breakfast ---------- PORT ORANGE, Fla. - A 91-year-old man who crashed his car into a popular Florida restaurant proceeded to sit down and order breakfast near his vehicle, authorities said. Tonya Gilardi, a spokeswoman for Port Orange Fire, said Charles Pierce was not injured when he crashed his car into the Biscuits 'N' Gravy restaurant Monday morning but another customer was treated for minor injuries at Halifax Health Medical Center in Port Orange, the Daytona Beach (Fla.) News-Journal reported. "A firefighter told me he sat down and ordered breakfast right after the crash," Gilardi said of Pierce. "He sat close to where the crash occurred so he could keep an eye on his car." Port Orange Assistant Police Chief Wayne Miller said Pierce was attempting to park Monday at the restaurant when he pressed the accelerator "one too many times" and the vehicle slammed through the glass window of the cafe. Miller said Pierce was issued a citation for careless driving. ============================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: _____ | D | | | | \___| _ || _______ -( (- |_'(-------) '-' | / _____,-\__..__|_____Pr59 Subject: Accident Report To: Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put ``Stupidity''. I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization. I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the lid back to its normal position. Unfortunately, as I did this I also turned and certain parts of my body, which were still exposed, were trapped between the device's lid and its main body. Feeling such intense and immediate pain caused me to jump back. It quickly came to my attention that, when one's privates are firmly attached to an unmovable object, it is not a good idea to jump in the opposite direction. Upon recovering some of my senses, I attempted to reopen the lid. However, my slamming of it had been sufficient to allow the locking mechanism to engage. I then proceeded to get a hold on my pants and subsequently removed my keys from them. I intended to try to force the lock of the device open with one of my keys; thus extracting myself. Unfortunately, when I attempted this, my key broke in the lock. Embarrassment of someone seeing me in this unique position became a minor concern, and I began to call for help in as much of a calm and rational manner as I could. An employee from the restaurant quickly arrived and decided that this was a problem requiring the attention of the store manager. Betty, the manager, came quickly. She attempted to unlock the device with her keys. Since I had broken my key off in the device, she could not get her key in. Seeing no other solution, she called the EMS (as indicated on your form in block 21(b)(1)). After approximately 15 minutes, the EMS arrived, along with two police officers, a fire-rescue squad, and the channel 4 ``On-the- Spot'' news team.The guys from the fire department quickly took charge as this was obviously a rescue operation. The senior member of the team discovered that the device was attached with bolts to the cement wall that could only be reached once the device was unlocked. His discovery was by means of tearing apart the device located in the stall next to the one that I was in. (Since the value of the property destroyed in his examination was less than $50 (my deductible) I did not include it in my claim.) His partner, who seemed like an intelligent fellow at the time, came up with the idea of cutting the device from the wall with the propane torch that was in the rescue truck. The fireman went to his truck, retrieved the torch, and commenced to attempt to cut the device from the wall. Had I been in a state to think of such things, I might have realized that in cutting the device from the wall several things would also inevitably happen. First, the air inside of the device would quickly heat up, causing items inside the device to suffer the same effects that are normally achieved by placing things in an oven. Second, the metal in the device is a good conductor of heat causing items that are in contact with the device to react as if thrown into a hot skillet. And, third, molten metal would shower the inside of the device as the torch cut through. The one bright note of the propane torch was that it did manage to cut, in the brief time that I allowed them to use it, a hole big enough for a small pry bar to be placed inside of the device. The EMS team then loaded me, along with the device, into the waiting ambulance as stated on your form. Due the small area of your block 21(a)(3), I was unable to give a full explanation of these events, and thus used the word which I thought best described my actions that led to my hospitalization. Sincerely, J Smith ===================================================================== >-->TOP 10 OLD FOLKS PARTY GAMES 1. Sag, You're It! 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy 3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear 4. Kick the Bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 6. Doc, Doc Goose 7. Simon Says Something Incoherent 8. Hide and Go Pee 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 10. Musical Recliners =============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: .---. .---. ,';' `.';' `.. f :Bo. ` d88: `\ /d88P' `\ ; /d888P' `. ',d8&8P' : ;d8&7' | :8: | qx ** 'Words from the Heart' by Deborah Zook ** 1. There is nothing more beautiful than a rainbow, but it takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow. If life is to be rounded and many-colored like the rainbow, both joy and sorrow must come to it. 2. We are so very rich if we know just a few people in a way in which we know no others. 3. Trouble and perplexity drive me to prayer, and prayer drives away perplexity and trouble. 4. Before a person can wake up and find themselves famous ...they have to wake up and find themselves. 5. I have never fought for my rights that I did not wish afterward that I had not done so. 6. You can't out think a person who isn't thinking. -<>- >** Are You God? ** One cold evening during the holiday season, a little boy about six or seven was standing out in front of a store window. The little child had no shoes and his clothes were mere rags. A young woman passing by saw the little boy and could read the longing in his pale blue eyes. She took the child by the hand and led him into the store. There she bought him some new shoes and a complete suit of warm clothing. They came back outside and into the street and the woman said to the child, "Now you can go home and have a very happy holiday." The little boy looked up at her and asked, "Are you God, Ma'am?" She smiled down at him and replied, "No son, I'm just one of His children." The little boy then said, "I knew you had to be some relation." -<>- >** Short Takes ** A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolises our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too" ================== A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding. Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was. "I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket. ================== A meek little fellow in a restaurant timidly touched the arm of a man putting on an overcoat. "Excuse me," he said, "but do you happen to be Mr. Smith of Newport?" "No, I'm not," answered the man impatiently. "Oh, well you see," continued the first man, "I am, and that's his overcoat you're putting on." ================== Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping. The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?" =================== May Tuohy, a seventy-year-old known for her general grouchiness, called the police about her neighbor who was sunbathing in the nude. 'I don't see anything,' said the police officer, looking out her window. 'Of course not,' said the woman. 'You have to stand on this chair.' ================== Recently a young woman came into my father's insurance office with her newborn twins. Dad asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them apart. She gave him a funny look before responding, "No, I haven't had any problem. This is Benjamin, and this is Elizabeth." -<>- ** BURMA SHAVE ** For those of you who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in USA history of the 1930's and '40's. Before the interstates, when everyone drove the old two lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted along the road in the countryside. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing one line of a four line couplet . . . and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream. ============== Drove Too Long Driver Snoozing What Happened next Is Not Amusing BURMA SHAVE ============= Brother Speeders Let's Rehearse All Together Good Morning Nurse BURMA SHAVE ============= Cautious Rider To Her Reckless Dear Let's Have less Bull And More Steer BURMA SHAVE ============= Speed Was High Weather Was Hot Tires Were Thin X Marks The Spot BURMA SHAVE ============== Around The Curve Lickety-split Its a Beautiful Car Wasn't It? BURMA SHAVE ============== No Matter the Price No Matter How New The Best Safety Device In the Car Is You BURMA SHAVE =============== For more Burma Shave couplets visit: http://witandwisdom.org/archive/19981230.htm#TT -<>- ** Negotiating The Conflict ** The prime minister of Israel sits down with Arafat at the beginning of negotiations regarding the resolution of the conflict. Prime Minister Sharon requests that he be allowed to begin with a story. Arafat replies, "Of course." The prime minister begins his story: "Years before the Israelites came to the Promised Land and settled here, Moses led them for 40 years through the desert. The Israelites began complaining that they were thirsty and, lo and behold, a miracle occurred and a stream appeared before them. They drank their fill and then decided to take advantage of the stream to do some bathing -- including Moses. When Moses came out of the water, he found that all his clothing was missing. "'Who took my clothes?' Moses asked those around him. "'It was the Palestinians,' replied the Israelites. "Wait a minute," objected Arafat immediately, "there were no Palestinians during the time of Moses!" "All right," replied the prime minister. "Now that we've got that settled, let's begin our negotiations." -<>- ** She was soooo blonde that ... ** ** She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. ** She thought a quarterback was a refund. ** She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. ** She thought General Motors was in the Army. ** She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. ** Under "education" on her job application, she put Hooked on Phonics. ** She tried to drown a fish. ** She tripped over a cordless phone. ** She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate. ** She told me to meet her at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. ** At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she wrote Sagittarious. ** She asked for a price check at the dollar store. ** It took her two hours to watch 60 minutes. ** She studied for a blood test and failed. ** She heard that 90% of all crimes occur around home so she moved. ** She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Co. ** She sold her car for gas money. ** When she missed bus #44 she took #22 twice instead. ** When she went to the airport and saw a sign saying "Airport Left" she turned around and went back home. ** She finally got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!!! -<>- ** Instructions For Men For House Cleaning ** (Some of these remind me of Tool Time Tim) Do men just play dumb when it comes to cleaning? Is this an obvious attempt to avoid any sort of housework? I used to think so, but now I think it may have something to do with a testosterone brain block or something. Last year my house barely survived our annual spring cleaning day. In fact, both the fire department and the American Red Cross still have us on their monthly check-in list. So this year when the time came to divvy up the chores and dig into spring cleaning, I made a cheat sheet of sorts for my husband to refer to: ** Broom (brum) - a long handled brush used for sweeping (also doubles as a mode of transportation for your mother) ** Vacuum (vak' u em) - much like the leaf blower except it sucks in, instead of blowing out. Don't let this alarm you. It isn't broken and doesn't need more torque, speed, RAM or whatever it is you did to the dishwasher. ** Dust Pan (DUH) - Contrary to popular belief, this is where you sweep the dirt, not under the hallway area rug. ** Dust Cloth (dust kloth) - A cloth designated for removing tiny particles of dirt from every flat surface of the house. Hint:look for your old "lucky shirt". ** Bucket (buk' it) - Cylindric container used for holding soapy water when mopping the floor. Also known as your mid-evil knight helmet when you're playing with our seven-year-old. ** Mop (mop) - a bundle of coarse yarn, rags or cloth fastened at the end of a stick. You'll remember this as your dance partner at the New Year's Eve party last year. ** Toilet Brush (toi' lit brush) - Used for scrubbing the inside of the toilet bowl. I don't care what this looks like, you may NOT use my shower luffa again! ** Oven Cleaner (uv' en Klen' er) - No, not the teenager. This is an actual product that you buy, spray in the oven and wipe out two hours later. You won't need your welder's mask for this task, but if it makes you feel more dangerous, go ahead. ** Sponge (spunj) - used to gently wash away food particles from dinnerware. It won't be necessary to use your 300psi Power wash set. That was given to you in hopes of cleaning the exterior of the house (hint hint). ** Squeegee (skwe' je) - Same principle as washing the car windshield, and yes, real men do squeegee! *****Final Note: While Duct tape may be a wonderful plumbers aid, it's really not the best solution for keeping the bathroom towels in place, and Jamie's teacher is still asking why his homework was stuck to his forehead last week. For these reasons, I have hidden the duct tape and distributed your picture to the local hardware stores. Don't make me call Duct Tape Anonymous again. *****Take your time, everything will be fine. If you need me, I'll be in the basement cleaning up the smoke damage from your "do it yourself" electrical rewiring incident last week. -<>- ** Illegal Cock Fighting ** (Tongue in Cheek) Down around the Texas-Louisiana border, there has been a recent rash of illegal cock fighting, with quite a bit of gambling. The director of the Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent an investigator to get to the bottom of the problem. The crack investigator, Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed for Mamou. He was gone for two days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to report to the director. He reported that there were three major groups involved in the illegal cock fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and the Mafia. Of course, the boss wanted to know how he surmised this, and he replied that he knew there were Texas Aggies involved when he saw someone enter a duck into the fight. He knew that there were Cajuns involved when someone bet on the duck. He then stated that he was absolutely positive that the Mafia was involved when the duck won! ================================================================= >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Advertising Truck Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/truckart.html Texxas Outhouse Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Taking A Catnap 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap2.html Modern Toilet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moderntoilet.html Top Ways To Stay Healthy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stayhealthy.html -<>- >From Our Friend Jo Ann :) You MUST watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=9xwCG0Ey2Mg --- ...When I Have Some time, I'll check it THANKS Jo Ann! -<>- >From Our Friend Denise :) Amazing!! I hadn't been able to find ANYTHING so far that clearly shows such a vivid representation of the Book of Revelation and that includes the New Jerusalem up till now! They really engage your brain... New Jerusalem scenes are breath taking to see {and now mentally picture!} *These youtube presentations are depicting The Book of Revelation to be a Post-Tribulation, but it is still amazing to watch how the interpretation unfolds VISUALLY! [Part 7 is AWESOME!] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtQmlvS0MsU PART 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCJmv6QCgBM&NR=1 PART 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3Qqg_PzUIY&NR=1 PART 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6O8AfGuHP8&NR=1 PART 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDgLwplTlbw&NR=1 PART 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RguiwT6os8&NR=1 PART6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87QN9iMRd3Y&NR=1 PART 7 --- ...Awww, more I shall have to check when I have time - Thanks Denise! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) The Lost Museum Archive http://chnm.gmu.edu/lostmuseum/searchlm.php Hardwood Puzzle Floor http://tinyurl.com/yaypndt Crayon Physics Deluxe http://www.crayonphysics.com/ Backlinks Checker Tool - Backlink Watch http://www.backlinkwatch.com/ --- ...Very Interesting ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Face of Beauty http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_S/F_B.html John w/ The Hawaiian Wedding Song http://heavens-gates.com/elvis/kathynelvis/ Carol w/Meet Me At the Merry-Go-Round http://www.carolspoetry.com/round.html God's Bumper Stickers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html Max Porta Potty http://www.buffaloschips.com/gssshdj.htm McDogo http://www.buffaloschips.com/gasew.htm McElway Basketball http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahdjjs.htm Men Can't Multitask http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsashsjs.htm Men Invented Everything http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnjjhjk.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "According to the New York Post, White House budget director Peter Orszag announced his engagement to an ABC news reporter, six weeks after his ex-girlfriend gave birth to his baby. Of course, people were shocked that the White House has a budget director." - Jay Leno "The Mexican government says that Starbucks is using a pre-Aztec logo without permission. In fairness, Mexico is using the United States without permission." - Jimmy Fallon "A man in Sicily had himself arrested so he wouldn't have to spend the holidays with his relatives. How many guys are going, 'Why didn't we think of that?'" -Jay Leno "You all have a nice holiday? How many still have their Christmas tree up? How many still have a rotting pumpkin on their porch?" --Jay Leno "In China, an animal trainer taught his monkeys Kung fu, and then they attacked him using his best kung fu moves. Luckily, they were no match for the parrot he'd taught to fire a gun." -Conan O'Brien "In Taiwan, marine biologists have discovered a crab they say looks just like a strawberry. And by marine biologists, I mean two guys on mushrooms." -Jimmy Fallon "A 92-year-old man was cited for reckless driving yesterday after he crashed his car into a restaurant, then sat down and ate breakfast. The amazing part? When he was done, he still couldn't remember where he parked." -Jimmy Fallon "We estimate that there are perhaps 20,000 prehistoric hunter-gatherers frozen up in those glaciers. Now, if they simply thaw and wander around, it's not a problem, but if they find a leader - a Captain Caveman, if you will - we'll be facing an even more serious problem." --Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, on the dangers of global warming "New York...when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you." --David Letterman "All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER." --Dennis Leary >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! --------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS --------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************