Aviation Rules And Reminders... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
You may View the on-line SMILES text Here:
(You may Have to REFRESH your browser)
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
This
Weeks regular Shangy emails
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
.-=":-=")
|_.'|_.'
/" /" :
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.-'-.---. /
.--"""""--.. :
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..---\ ___(/_ | /___ /---..
"""",-/_...---'"`` \,_ /.- ``"'---..__\-,""""
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\`'-.__.-' \___ aa/wkm
"._________".'
Checking my emails, I found that I missed a contributor to a
page. Our friend Kay is also to thank for this sweet one...
No Words Necessary!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords2.html
---
...So sorry to have missed that from you Kay! Thank You!
-<>-
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This first hottie is from our friend KarenF. It is one of those
jaw droppers for wild animal and nature lovers that you don't
want to miss! Check it out here...
___......----:'"":--....(\
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`'"` : : ;`.; :=; `.-'`.
jgs : '. : ; :-: `._-`.
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In The Wild With Brendon Cremer
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inthewild.html
---
...Simply Stunning! Thanks KarenF!
Our next hot tottie is from our friend Bunni. It is a sweet
heartwarming one for all wild animal lovers and one you are
sure to enjoy! Check it out here..
_
( \ ..-----..__
\.'. _.--'` [ ' ' ```'-._
`. `'-..-'' ` ' ' ' . ; ; `-'''-.,__/|/_
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`.__) AsH/sk
Friends: Lion, Tiger And Bear!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liontigerbear.html
---
...pretty amazing! My 3 cats can't even get along! Thanks Bunni!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
/\
A man answers the phone and has the following ||
conversation: ||
||
||
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Nancy ||
has been most difficult - I know I ought _______||
to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, /` `\
you know how she is." | .-"""-. |
| / .:::. \ |
"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember | \ ':::' / |
you told me that she was a vile creature | '-----' |
who would make my life miserable and you | .-"""""-. |
begged me not to marry her." | |_______| |
| [_][_][_] |
"You were perfectly right. You want to | [_] [] [] |
speak with her? All right." | [1][2][3] |
| [4][5][6] |
He looks up from the telephone and calls | [7][8][9] |
to his wife in the next room, "Nancy, your | [*][0][#] |
mother wants to talk to you!" | ... |
jgs\ ':::' /
`"""""""""`
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE OCTOBER HOLIDAYS ------------+
October 15 is White Cane Safety Day
October 16 is Dictionary Day
October 17 is Gaudy Day
October 18 is No Beard Day
October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day
October 20 is National Brandied Fruit Day
October 21 is Babbling Day
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
,*-~"`^"*u_ _u*"^`"~-*,
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>The sounds and smells of Halloween are in the air
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe .... as it
happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a
rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could
barely see the road in front of the car.
Suddenly, the car skids out of control!
Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail!
The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks
over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head
bleeding!
Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her
medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.
After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light,
which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and
knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door.
Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my
wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been
seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My
master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs.
"I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical
doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest
clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can
do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob
following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob
collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on
an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are
serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."
Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.
Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the
steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is
here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a
stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping
time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm
begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and
Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
(I am soooooo sorry.....but you really should've seen that one coming!!)
You might even consider changing your e-mail address now!!!!
What did you expect .... it's free from a demented friend ...
---
...LOL! A fun Classic! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
___
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/ / \ ,- \
__ | \_0 --- |
/ | | |
\ \ `--.______,-/ |
___) \ ,--"" ,/ |
/ _ \ \-_____,- /
\__-/ \ | `. ,'
\___/ < ´--------'
\__/\ | Wny
\__//
>LAUGHTER IS CHEAP MEDICINE
I know a couple who works in the pharmaceutical industry. He is a sales
representative and she is a pharmacist. When asked what they do for a
living he is quick to reply, "She makes drugs and I sell them."
I believe it was Lord Byron who said, "Always laugh when you can. It is
cheap medicine." And they're finding that to be true - quite literally.
A woman diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis wrote to me and talked
about how painful the disease had become. Debra said that no drugs
would touch the devastating pain. "At times I prayed to die because I
did not think I could go on this way," she said. But in two and a half
years she weaned herself from most of her medication, which had reached
a high of 21 pills a day. This is how she did it.
"I began seeing a doctor who gave me the most important prescription
that I ever could have received," she said. "He excused himself from
the room. I watched him walking back and forth in the hall; he seemed
to be in deep thought."
The doctor came back in with this prescription: he told Debra to get
some funny movies and to begin laughing. If she didn't feel like
laughing, then she should smile. If she didn't feel like smiling, she
should smile anyway! He said that it would increase endorphins in her
brain and help with her pain.
She did just as he suggested. She smiled constantly. Her children
teased her about the fake smile, but she told them that it was going to
get rid of her pain. And it did. Of course, not all of her pain is one,
but her newly acquired habit of laughing and smiling has made it
manageable without all of the drugs.
Today, Debra is never seen without her smile. She says that she would
not even feel normal without it.
Laughter really is cheap medicine. And it's a prescription you can ill
right now.
~~Steve Goodier
---
...Great Advice! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
/\
( / @ @ ()
\\ __| |__ /
\/ " \/
/-| |-\
/ /-\ /-\ \
/ /-`---'-\ \
/ \ tre
>Blonde Flight Attendant
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs
and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for
them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he
was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen
if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his
behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce
to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New
Orleans please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Many lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Many blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
---
...LOL! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
[Politics]
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>Little Red Hen 2012
"Who will help me plant my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself." She planted her crop and
the wheat grew and ripened.
"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen,
and so she did.
"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.
"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,"
said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her
neighbors to see.
They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share but the
little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."
"Excess profits!" cried the cow.. (Nancy Pelosi)
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain.. (Harry Reid)
And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched
around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
[Occupiers]
When the farmer (Obama) came he said to the little red hen,
"You must not be so greedy."
"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.
"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free
enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn
as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations,
the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with
those who are lazy and idle."
8c
__/~\__
(((\_/)))
_) (_ cgmm
And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red
hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly
understand."
But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again
baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free.
And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.
Individual initiative had died but nobody noticed; perhaps no one
cared so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying
for.
...And perhaps....this is the end......
And the next week, there was no bread, or anything else to eat. So,
they all starved equally.
EPILOGUE
Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.
Hillary got $8 million for hers.
That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for
eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't
remember anything.
DO WE LIVE IN A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?
November is coming****
---
...Praise God for choice! Thanks Bunni!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
[Politics]
>Democrats vs. Republicans
For you who worry about democrats versus republicans -- relax, here is
our real problem:
In a Texas A & M classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to
be President of the United States. It was pretty simple. The candidate
must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.
However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was
the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was
that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming
president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not
many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating
"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this
country than one born by C-section?"
Yep, these are the 18-year-olds that are now voting in our elections!
They walk among us..... Lord -- we need more help than we thought we
did!
---
...TeeHee - not just 18-year-olds! Thanks Johanna!
===============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
>From The TeaParty:
Can a movie bring down a President? We think so.
http://tinyurl.com/bsx9vkz
Obama's Master Plan to...
http://tinyurl.com/d8u2bz3
-<>-
>From FrontPorchPolitics:
Alert: States Disenfranchising Troops
http://tinyurl.com/crbmfvv
-<>-
>From ConservativeByte:
Tim Allen's Hilarious Show Mocks Obama
http://tinyurl.com/cumwf6w
-<>-
>From FreedomOutpost:
SWAT Team Leaves 12 Year Old Burned & Family Terrorized In Bungled Raid
http://tinyurl.com/8ht22p2
-<>-
>From PatriotUpdate:
Gov't Blows $6M on 'Text Against Terror' Program that
Fails To Provide Any Tips
http://tinyurl.com/8uznv9u
-<>-
>From ConservativeVideos:
Leno Rips Biden for Nearly 3 Minutes
http://tinyurl.com/czqwvzc
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Last week it was road kill. This week it is cockroaches! It
seems there is no limit to what people will eat for fun or
profit. Here is a perfect example of how a person can be a
winner and a loser at the same time.
According to the Broward Sheriff's Office, Edward Archbold,
of West Palm Beach, Florida and several other contestants
signed up to eat a variety of insects at a reptile store in
Deerfield Beach. After eating dozens of giant cockroaches,
Archbold was declared the winner of an ivory-ball python.
Apparently he did this just to prove to whoever cared that
he was a badass, because he had also entered a superworm-
eating contest earlier in the night.
But after winning, Archbold felt sick and started vomiting.
He then collapsed in the store and was later pronounced
dead. The medical examiner's office is conducting tests to
determine a cause of death, according to the sheriff's
office statement.
While the consumption of insects is usually safe and widely
accepted throughout the world, and none of the other
contestants felt sick, there could have been other factors
like allergies that contributed to his death. Or maybe it
was the combination of worms AND roaches in the same night.
Kind of like how you're not supposed to combine wine and
beer.
If you'd like to see the legend in action we have a short
video clip for you here
Man Dies After Roach-eating Contest.
*-- Runners marry during marathon in Oregon --*
PORTLAND, Ore. - Two old friends who reconnected during
the Portland Marathon in Oregon five years ago held their
wedding at the 20-mile mark of this year's race. Katie
Holmes and Eric Johansson, friends who began dating and
had a son after getting together at the 20-mile mark of
the marathon five years ago, said they decided to wed
Thursday after running the first 20 miles side by side,
KPTV, Portland, reported Monday. Holmes was dressed in
white with a veil-bearing baseball cap while Johansson
ran by her side in a Dri-Fit tuxedo shirt. They stepped
off the course into Columbia Park at the 20-mile mark,
where they greeted their waiting family and friends. "It's
wonderful, the best day," Holmes said. "Very memorable.
The most memorable marathon ever, I think." The couple
completed the last 6.2 miles of the marathon after
completing their ceremony. "I think it'll be a little
easier now," Holmes said before departing for the last
leg of the run. "I've got a little adrenaline going
through my body right now."
*-- Juggler accidentally burns props --*
CHESTERTON, Ind. - Firefighters in Indiana said a juggler
using lit torches accidentally set fire to his props at a
public park. The Chesterton Fire Department said Aaron
Rossetti, 36, was practicing his juggling Saturday night
at Thomas Centennial Park when the burning portion of a
lit torch broke off and landed on the table where he was
keeping his props -- which included an open can of camping
fuel, The Post-Tribune of Northwest Indiana, Merrillville,
Ind., reported Tuesday. Rossetti told police the can of
fuel caused his props -- which were mostly made of plastic
-- to ignite, so he threw them to the grround, where the
fire spread to the rest of his props. He said the plastic
melted into the park's paving stones. Firefighters
responded and extinguished the flames.
*-- Life-sized 'Mousetrap' teaches physics --*
DEARBORN, Mich. - The creator of a life-sized version of
the Hasbro board game "Mousetrap" said in Michigan the
goal is to teach physics -- and crush a car. Mark Perez,
who brought his creation to the Henry Ford Museum in
Dearborn, said his Rube Goldberg device is based on the
Hasbro game, but instead of ending with a mouse in a cage
it concludes by crushing a junked Hyundai, CNN reported
Thursday. Perez said it took him 13 years and 50,000
pounds of objects to build his "Life Size Mousetrap" and
the machine takes five days and a crew of 10 to assemble
each time it is moved to a new location. "One of our major
goals is to teach kids and adults about the physics that
surround us," Perez said. "Give us the really unplugged
vision -- you know it's not wired in. It's the real thing
with counterweights and science and engineering."
*-- Schools ban Flamin' Hot Cheetos --*
CHICAGO - Schools across the United States are banning
Flamin' Hot Cheetos out of concern for the popular snack
food's lack of nutrition. The Noble Street Charter School
Network in Chicago and the Rockford, Ill., school district
said they have banned the snacks -- which were created 20
years ago by the Frito-Lay company -- due to high content
of salt, fats and artificial coloring with very little
fiber or other nutritional benefits, the Chicago Tribune
reported Friday. Renita Weiskircher, director of nutrition
services for Rockford Public Schools, said the district
used to sell about 150,000 bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos
each school year, but students "have learned to adjust"
since the ban was imposed in 2010. Rita Exposito, principal
of Jackson Elementary School in Pasadena, Calif., said
faculty members at her school specifically target the
snacks. "We don't allow candy, and we don't allow Hot
Cheetos," she said. "We don't encourage other chips, but
if we see Hot Cheetos, we confiscate them, sometimes after
the child has already eaten most of them. It's mostly
about the lack of nutrition."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Kay :)
_\|/_
/--\
|[]|
_] \/ [_
/_ `==' _\
\\| |//
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`|-'##|
|#||#|
|#||#|
_|#||#|_
`==" "==`
as
>A Viet Nam veteran wears his new hat to Walmart....
A few days ago my best friend from high school sent me a hat
reading "VietNam Veteran."
I had never had one of these before and was pretty hyped about it,
especially because my friend Ron was considerate enough to take the
time to mail it to me.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in
particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer, but since
I've retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always
good for some comic relief. Besides, I usually feel much more normal
after seeing some of the people who frequent that establishment.
But, enough of my psychological fixes...
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably
in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"
"No" I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that hat?"
"Because I couldn't find my one for the War of 1812." I thought it was
a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call
it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"
"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was
beginning to be way fun.
"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something
that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in
a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the
mission."
"Dude!" He was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That
is seriously awesome! But, didn't you, like, kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron
nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone
about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he said, giving me the "don't threaten me" look. "Like,
what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look, I said, "You have a family don't you? We
wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.
By this time the lady behind me was laughing so hard she was about to
have a heart attack. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw the dimwit
leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight
of me, he started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly serious' look, I made the "I see you"
gesture at my eyes. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped
out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat.
Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat.
---
...LOL! Thanks Kay!
===============================================================
>-->From Both Our Friends Brenda and Bunni :)
___
)_( _
| | [_ ]
.-'-'-. _ .-'. '-.
/-::_..-\ _[_]_ /:;/ _.-'\
)_ _( /_ _\ [-] |:._ .-|
|;:: | )_``'_( .-'-'-. (-) |:._ |
|;:: | |;: | :-...-: .-'-'-. |:._ |
|;:: | |;: | |;: | |-...-| |:._ |
|;::-.._| |;:.._| |;:.._| |;:.._| |:._ |
`-.._..-' `-...-' `-...-' `-...-' `-.____.-' cjr
>I did not know this...
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.
---
...Wow. Good to know! Thanks Ladies! :)
============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_
, L\
\/OO\
|/ \
/_\ `
_\ |_ Arjen Pilon
A women's prayer....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to
forgive him: and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if
I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death! Amen!
-<>-
My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a
old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you
never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you
get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds.
Please promise me you'll try to work on that."
The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what
was that you were saying?"
-<>-
I was hanging out with a friend of mine when we saw a woman
walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a
chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time
she turned her head?"
I had to explain to her that a person's nose and ear remain
the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
-<>-
I uhhh ...
eh?
))),,
\__ / ///
(.(. /
< )
\_- | *RING*
__|__/L_ __________
/ \ / ______ \
(__)][__][(__) utis
/ ,--. \ *RING*
*RING* / '--' \
|________|
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an Individual who asked what hours
the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week".
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh... Pacific."
-<>-
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his
leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500,
estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the
value of the leg is $10,000. The second actuary quoted an
annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked
how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This
situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table.
The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler,
isn't it?"
-<>-
My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked
why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost:
"I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep."
"But, Miss," replied the officer, obviously familiar with
the poet, "Frost chose the road less traveled, and,
unfortunately for you, this wasn't it."
-<>-
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see
the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm
for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter
of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the
letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found
the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for
our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very
satisfied."
-<>-
My husband works in a former supermarket that was remodeled
to accommodate professional offices. One day he overheard
his receptionist giving directions over the phone. "Remember
the old grocery store?" she asked the caller. "Well, you'll
find us in the meat department."
-<>-
\\\\
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||_/ / / U= _ 0
\_/__/__E o /. .| |
(___ || |~~~~~~~~~~'----'~|
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^ '--'' ^ ^
Petrus
The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger
who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair.
"You've got to help me. I'm losing my memory, Doctor," he
sobbed. "I once had a successful business, a wife, home and
family; I was a respected member of the community. But all
that's gone now. Since my memory began failing, I've lost
the business - I couldn't remember my clients' names. My
wife and children have left me, too; and why shouldn't they
- some nights I wouldn't get home until four or five in the
morning. I'd forget where I lived...And it's getting worse.
Doctor - it's getting worse!"
"This is not an unusual form of neurosis," the psychiatrist
said soothingly. "Now tell me, just how long ago did you
first become aware of this condition?"
"Condition?" The man sat up in his chair. "What condition?"
-<>-
Donald Ogden Stewart, the writer, had a son away at prep
school. When the boy reached the age of fourteen, Stewart
wrote him the following letter: "Dear son, now that you
have reached the magic age of fourteen, the time has come
to tell you about the bees and flowers. There is a male
and a female bee, although I haven't the slightest idea
which is which. As for the flowers - we get ours from the
Plaza Florist, Inc. Well, that takes care of that.
Write soon, Affectionately,
Father
-<>-
An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the
unusual findings he had made.
"For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at
a distance of 300 miles."
"What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles
away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group.
"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but I bet
it sounds something like...
"Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!'"
-<>-
,~,
)))Y
((((,\________________
\)/( [_____________
( \ | [_] [_]
)___\ | | |
(| (\ | | |
ejm q`_ q`_ _|_ _|_
I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly
dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her
white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with
a napkin.
Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains,
I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?"
"Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've
had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"
-<>-
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank
manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones,
who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."
The banker said, "Yes, he certainly was trusted. And he will
be tried as soon as we catch him."
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
___
/L|0\
/ | \
/ \
/ | \
/ \
/ __ | __ \
/ __/ \__ \
/ /__ | __\ \
/___________________\
/ | \
/ _|_ \
/ ____/___\____ \
___________[o0o]___________
O O O
Paul Tomblin
>AVIATION RULES AND REMINDERS
* Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.
* If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if
you pull the stick back they get smaller. Unless you keep
pulling the stick back...then they get bigger again.
* Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
* The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane
to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then
watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
* The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on
fire.
* Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing
is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the
definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you
can use the airplane another time.
* The probability of survival is equal to the angle of
arrival.
* A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round
and round and reciprocating parts going up and down -- all
of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't
really fly -- they're just so ugly that the earth immediately
repels them.
* Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long
enough to make all of them yourself.
* There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing:
Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
* The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as co-
pilot is a co-pilot who once was a captain.
* It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start
with a large fortune.
* A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when
he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
* Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the
number of your takeoffs.
* Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a
fire hydrant what it thinks about dogs.
-<>-
\\\
____ ________```
\ =|- [________] \
| =| | _ | | \ __
ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__)
/|\
(/(|(\
>Signs Found In The Kitchen
So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener!
My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
If you don't like my standards of cooking, lower your
standards.
Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down,
converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's
even worse.
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is
delirious.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall
never cease to be amused.
Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and
gone on to lead normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines.
I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed
bump.
-<>-
(_) -
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__(/ \--._
(,-.---'--'@
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('-') (_)
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_ / '* \ '
(_) /) * .-.))>'
._/ \__*_ /\__'.
'<((_' |__H/ \__\
/ ,_/ |_|
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>Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple
* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't
know.
* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and
mounting the curb.
* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers
turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked
illegally.
* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them.
The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom
carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a
contrasting polish should be selected).
* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The
blockage is almost instantly removed.
* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The
following morning you can create the effects of hangover by
drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging
your head repeatedly on the wall.
-<>-
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
_P_ _9_
/ @ \ _ / @ \
//---\\ ( ) //---\\
(( )) T (( ))
\\___// | \\___//
'---' |E dwb '---'
>Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer
* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to
the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
* He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once
said ..."
* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the
one with the little hammer, right?"
* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little
quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law
Since 2:25 PM."
* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge,
"Whatever."
* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal
Code.
* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting
from the jury.
* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he
screams, "Yahtzee!"
* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your
panties.
* You met him in prison.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-
five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
==========================================================
.===. _ _
/ _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \
\/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ |
( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===.
_)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \
/ `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ )
/\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )(
\ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_)
\|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \
| L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) )
|__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\
| | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\
|_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"`
jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_
(___|___) (___|___) (___|___)
>-->From AndyChaps: From The Mouths Of Babes
* "Close the curtains," requested our 2 year old grand-
daughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. "The sun's
looking at me too hard."
* My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He
replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."
* Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed,
"Mommy, it's raining dumplings!"
* As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dish-
towel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he thinks you're
surrendering."
* A friend's grandson, 4, was reading with his granddad
about Adam and Eve. He asked, "Is this where God took out
the man's brain and made a woman?"
* Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby
and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a
mustache?"
* When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of
Florida, he fired right back, "Capital F!"
* Shampooing my 4-year-old, I noted his hair was growing so
fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't
water it so much."
* My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going
to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's
going to the tire-o-practor?"
* Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary, my friend
complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded,
"I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."
* His Mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going out-
side to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You
already have a son. Me!"
* When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at
school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day,
he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what!
They are not only twins....they're brothers!!"
=======================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Top Reasons To Smile!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html
Value What You Have
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html
City Silhouettes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/citys.html
Book Sculpture Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bookart.html
All Occasion Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html
Dog Eat Dog World!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogeatdog.html
Harvest Moonbow!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonbow.html
Humorous Signs
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns.html
Remember Bumper Cars?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bcar.html
Volvo Lego Car!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legocar.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
>How Sharp Are You?
UNDERSTAND EACH QUESTION PRIOR TO SELECTING YOUR RESPONSE.
AND DON'T LAUGH AT BILL GATES AND HIS SCORE OF THREE JUST YET!!
This one is fun!! Think carefully.
You are going to hate yourself over this.
It scores automatically, too.
Take this advice.... think before you answer.
http://www.mikescomputerinfo.com/inteltest.htm
---
...Wow, this one was a thunker for sure! Thanks Linda!
Probably the only time I'll get 'Honor Roll' - teehee
dog brings cat home
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6r6SlRzpSY
---
...both animals are amazing! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend KarenF :)
VIDEO: JERUSALEM
After a year of research and preparation, this giant Imax 3D screen
film, JERUSALEM, is scheduled for worldwide release in 2013.
The film takes you on a spectacular and unprecedented aerial tour
throughout Israel, the Holy Land and the city once believed to lie
at the center of the world. To see it in full screen - click on the
4 small arrows at the bottom right hand corner
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=iPQI6Yupt48
---
...Impressive! Thanks KarenF!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
Happy Hour In Africa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K52I3D1g2u8
---
...LOL! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
ripped : rationalizing sin
http://goo.gl/k0RLE
ripped : rationalizing sin part 2
http://goo.gl/o6vGP
---
...Interesting! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From Our Friend JoeL :)
Watch Dreams from My Real Father Online | Netflix
http://tinyurl.com/9rdqs4a
Raising The Flag - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2Kjgfq-7PQ&feature=relmfu
The Dinner Table - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_1ZT1hwpng&feature=player_embedded
Epic Old Man - Picking Up Young Ladies - YouTube
http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/ItXKGyO6cRA?rel=0
Mr Obvious Show - The Dog - The Bob and Tom Show - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMv8vep6qFs&feature=related
The Mr. Obvious Show- Moody Wife - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VswZ6VkGStA&feature=related
---
...LOL! Thanks JoeL!
-<>-
>From TheMouth:
The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee is the nation's largest
natural habitat refuge developed specifically for endangered
African and Asian elephants. Learn about the elephants that
live here and how you can help.
http://www.elephants.com/
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Although a lot of people are on these low-carb diets, doctors
say be careful, because you need carbohydrates because
carbohydrates create a chemical in your brain that cheers you
up and fights depression. So the next time you see a guy on
a ledge, about to jump... throw him a doughnut." --Jay Leno
"New York is a great town, though. If you're here and want a
one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch
of your assailant." --Dave Letterman
"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering
what the heck happened." --Cora Harvey Armstrong
"I've been talking about this all week. Some kids working
at a Burger King in New Mexico were arrested when cops
discovered they had placed marijuana on their burgers. This
marks the first time in history that anything organic has
ever been served at Burger King." --Jay Leno
"I'd like to apologize for last night's show. It was the
stupid ramblings of a drunkard." Dave Letterman
"Former President Bill Clinton has now struck a deal with
several major food companies to supply schools with snacks
that have less fat, less sugar and less salt. This is all
part of Clinton's new program, 'No Child Left With A Big
Behind.'" --Jay Leno
"In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall
back on lies." --Stephen Leacock
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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