Baa Baa Black Sheep And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ,-. ,-. ||,\ -=- /,|| F'\\\,o8o,///`J J'J`,\(".")/,'F`L |F||\ \>PVDo You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is appreciated - even just 5 dollars! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! GOD'S MOST ABUNDANT BLESSINGS TO YOU! ================ GOT A Cool Forward? Easy Yummy Recipe? Miracle Story? Sweet poem? Funny clean Joke? A Godly Inspiration? SHARE IT - We like it, We Love It, We Can't Get enough! Send it to me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net I'll Share It and Gladly Give YOU Credit For It! :) ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Well, been a busy weekend to say the least! Thankfully I was able to get a couple new pages done before late Saturday evening! I've been fighting the flu bug since then! .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB So... Kinda hot off of the 'Shangy' Press... These both come from forwards from our friend Viv, bless her heart! They are sure to intrigue you! Check them out here... __ _ .-.' `; `-._ __ _ (_, .-:' `; `-._ ,'o"( (_, ) (__,-' ,'o"( )> ( (__,-' ) `-'._.--._( ) ||| |||`-'._.--._.-' ||| ||| Artist: Bob Allison Telephone Sheep Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html Hand Painting Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint2.html --- ...These are fun! Thank You Viv! ========================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: The Dyslexic Cop .'`"`'. A dyslexic cop is severely reprimanded by / , , \ his captain because the spelling on his | <\^/> | police reports is incomprehensible. "How | < (_) >| can you expect anyone to read this! If /====\ you file just one more report with any and (.---._ _.-.) I mean *ANY* words misspelled, you are |/ a` a | going on report!" screams the captain. ( _\ | \ __ ; The cop vows not to make any more |\ . / mistakes. The next day he is in his _.'\ '----;'-. patrol car when a report of a _.-' O ;-.__.'\O `o. traffic accident comes over his /o \ \/-.-\/| \ two way radio. He arrives on the jgs| ;, '.|\| / scene to discover a grisly head-on collision. The cop takes out his notebook and begins to write, taking care to spell each word correctly. "One, O-N-E. Ford, F-O-R-D. In the ditch, D-I-T-C-H." "That's good," thinks the cop as he walks across the street to the other vehicle. "One, O-N-E. Dodge, D-O-D-G-E. In the ditch, D-I-T-C-H. "I am doing great!" says the cop out loud as he confidently walks to the middle of the highway, where he discovers a decapitated head. "One, O-N-E. Head, H-E-A-D. In the boulevard, B-O-L ... B-L-U ... B-O-L-L ... B-I-L ..." Finally, the frustrated cop looks around, then kicks the head with his boot, and writes, "One head in the D-I-T-C-H." ==================================================================== +---------- Even More Bizarre February Holidays -----------+ February 21 is Card Reading Day February 22 is Be Humble Day February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day February 25 is Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt) February 26 is National Pistachio Day February 27 is International Polar Bear Day February 28 is Public Sleeping Day ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) ___________ .;-- - - --./| // // | |'- -- -- -'| / jgs '-----------'` >A Lesson From Sponges There are 5 sponges laying on your kitchen counter top. Each member of your family has been cleaning up different areas of your home, but all the sponges look the same. You are curious as to what was cleaned in your home, but you can't tell by looking; they all look the same, so what do you do? You squeeze each sponge to see what comes out. As you squeeze the first sponge, you see that cola comes out, so you decide that someone cleaned the kitchen with that one. Upon squeezing the second sponge, you find tub and tile cleaner--that one was used to clean the bathroom. In the third sponge, you find motor oil--hubby was cleaning the garage! In the fourth sponge, baby powder puffs out when it is squeezed--yep, the baby's nursery was done with that one! In the last one is floor wax--that was the one you used on the hall floor! As you lay the last sponge down, you look again at their similarity--and they all look the same until they're squeezed. Christians are the same way. As life squeezes us, different things come out--anger from one, a need for revenge from another, tears from one, remorse from yet another, greed, untruth, lust; finally, some saints pour forth the love of Christ. Just like the sponge, we can only squeeze out what is put in. Stay in the God's Word daily and be in continuous prayer, so that when life puts the squeeze on us, and it WILL, Jesus and Jesus ALONE will shine forth from us! Have a blessed, squeaky clean day! --- ...Thank you Viv! Sickness sure is a squeeze! Thank God for God and Jesus Christ! They are always there for us even when no one else wants to be - we are never alone. =================================================================== >-->From Our Friends Del, Casey, & MrWu :) >AN Et-AHEM! Yoohoo! . -._ O / ` ' / \ ()) __ _..--.. .-'`-. .-d-b-. --' `_.-' ``.._. ` .' `. _. .-' a:f ,-' Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right bottom cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!' If you don't send this to five friends, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world --- ...TeeHee! a good one! Thanks Del! -<>- >[Politics] And so it begins – !!!! She doesn't have to worry. She gets full salary for life and free medical when she retires. All us other working schmucks have to work until we drop dead to pay for all the freeloaders. Don't know about the rest of you but this is not the "CHANGE" most of America was wanting. Windfall Tax on Retirement Income Adding a tax to your retirement is simply another way of saying to the American people, you're so darn stupid that we're going to keep doing this until we drain every cent from you. That's what the Speaker of the House is saying. Read below................ Nancy Pelosi wants a Windfall Tax on Retirement Income. In other words tax what you have made by investing toward your retirement. This woman is a nut case! You aren't going to believe this. Madam speaker Nancy Pelosi wants to put a Windfall Tax on all stock market profits (including Retirement fund, 401K and Mutual Funds! Alas, it's true - all to help the 12 Million Illegal Immigrants and other unemployed Minorities! This woman is frightening. She quotes... "We need to work toward the goal of equalizing income in our country and at the same time limiting the amount the rich can invest." (didn't Marx say something like this) ( I am not rich, are you) When asked how these new tax dollars would be spent, she replied: 'We need to raise the standard of living of our poor, unemployed and minorities. For example, we have an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in our country who need our help along with millions of unemployed minorities. Stock market windfall profits taxes could go a long way to guarantee these people the standard of living they would like to have as 'Americans'.' Read that quote again and again and let it sink in. Lower your retirement, give it to others who have not worked as you have for it? Send it on to your friends. I just did!! This lady is out of her mind and she is the speaker of the house! GOD HELP US ALL, PRAY HARD FOLKS WE ARE GOING TO NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET. --- ...Thanks, Del. I like what Mythbusters had to say about this one so I'm letting you see it ... MYTH BLASTER VERDICT: False. Hoax. Another version is published at Snopes. [Original email date is January 2006, and be careful of this site when it concerns politics] – Representative Nancy Pelosi of California, the House Democratic Leader who became Speaker of the House after the 2006 elections, has gone on record as supporting the repeal of tax breaks and subsidies of up to $33 billion from energy and oil companies … However, the item produced above, quoting Rep. Pelosi is disdaining recent stock market gains and endorsing a 100% windfall profits gained from stocks … does not correspond to anything she actually said or proposed. … However, Nancy Pelosi is a socialist advocate for stealing from the wealthy and giving to the poor [called income redistribution, in the case of the government forcefully] – and she is also an advocate (remember she is from Mexifornia) to give amnesty to 12 million lawbreakers. Pelosi and the Democrats have been attempting to roll back the Bush tax cuts – and you can be sure this will happen if a Democrat is elected as President in 2008. Here are some facts about Pelosi: President Bush: When we lowered the taxes for families with children, she voted against it. And when we put the death tax on the road to extinction, she voted against it. … And yet, Nancy Pelosi said of the Republicans and Bush: They’ll take food out of the mouths of children in order to give tax cuts to the wealthiest. And, yet, there are blogs out there who are repeating these words as if they were truth. I don’t know which came first – the email hoax or the blog misinformation. An example would be at the My Opine blog. Notice that the blog doesn’t have one link to follow up his claim of what exactly Pelosi said. As far as Pelosi’s voting record: Voted NO on retaining reduced taxes on capital gains & dividends. Voted NO on providing tax relief and simplification as prescribed by the Working Families Tax Relief Act of 2004. Voted NO on making permanent an increase in the child tax credit. Voted NO on making the Bush tax relief permanent that are to expire in 2010. Voted NO on $99 economic stimulus: capital gains & income tax cuts in 2002. Voted NO on eliminating the Estate Tax (“death tax”) – so, Bush was right to make that comment above. Voted NO on $46 billion in tax cuts for small business – 2000. Nancy Pelosi says and does real things that is detrimental to America and its people – no one need to make up stories such as the one above because the truth is damning as it is. See it here: http://tinyurl.com/6g7lom -<>- ____ _ /////|\\ ``````\\\ `/` ))) \`, ((( `--- ,\\\ ,---/ )),))) / , `(( ((( `--. ) `__)) ________ | | ,-./\ \ _,-' \ \__,-. \ \,-' /`.__,-'_,-\ `-. / \____`--'____________ | \ Starshine >THIS REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART AND I AM SURE IT WILL TOUCH YOURS ALSO. Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot him!" --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Del! I was actually thinking about the fact that Osama would probably just get mad saying something like 'little American kids have way too much time and money to spend if they waste it on him and that is the problem with those capitalistic pigs!' So I was thinking her idea would not work on such a cold hearted man as him - but then - how cool! She is not as naive as one may think! A sweet little girl with some street smarts! Way to go Melissa! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) Scary if true | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ Is It NBA Or NFL? 36 Have been accused of spousal abuse 7 Have been arrested for fraud 19 Have been accused of writing bad checks 117 Have directly or indirectly Bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 Have done time for assault 71, Repeat... 71, Cannot Get a credit card due to bad credit 14 Have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 Have been arrested for shoplifting 21 Currently Are defendants in lawsuits, and 84 Have been arrested for drunk driving In The last year Can You guess which organization this is? Give up yet? . . Scroll down, Neither, it's the 435 members of the United States Congress The Same group of Idiots that crank out Hundreds of new laws each year Designed to keep the rest of us in line. You Gotta pass this one on! --- ...Ahh, Thanks Sandi - as for your question? Well, this is another one for the hoax sites... this is what they had to say: http://www.snopes.com/politics/crime/congress.asp -<>- >AnotherNutterButter - Agree or Disagree? Andy Rooney DID YOU KNOW? As you walk up the steps to the building which houses the U.S Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world's law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view .. it is Moses and he is holding the Ten Commandments! ... --- ...Well thanks Sandi, this one has all sorts of interesting things to it! I think the hoax site TruthOrFiction does it up pretty well so visit here for the whole truth of this one... http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/r/religious-depictions.htm -<>- ,--------------------------------------------------------------------------. | OV"|OOOOOOOO> U N I T E D S T A T E S OF A M E R I C A O N E D O L L A R How many zeros in a billion? This is too true to be funny. The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want those 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases. A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was still alive! C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the stone age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. E. BUT… A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending money! While this thought is still fresh in your brain...let's take a look at New Orleans .... It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division. Louisiana Senator,Mary Landrieu (D) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number... what does it mean? A. Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528! B. Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787! C. Or... if you are a family of four... your family gets $2,066,012! Washington , D. C. < HELLO! > Are all your calculators broken?? Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax) IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Tax Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service charge taxes Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax (Truckers) Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurrin g and No n-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax ; STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt... We had the largest middle class in the world... and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What happened? Can you spell 'politicians?' And I still need to press "1" for English! What the heck happened?? --- ...Thanks Sandi! Yeah, we've already spent 1 trillion this year and Obama wants to make it another trillion! Amazing! ================================================================= >-->In The Wordly News: >From Emergency Email... Salmonella update: Senate Hearing...warns Americans.. "Beware of what you eat. You are on your own" FBI enters investigation Schools received at risk peanut butter. http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=346&z=1 -<>- >-->Flawed thinking? Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning. – Bill Gates --- Yeah, Bill, Like you doing this... _.._.-..-._ .-' .' /\ \`._ / / .' `-.\ `. :_.' .. : _.../\ | ;___ .-' //\\. \ _..._ / `/\ // \\\ `-.___.-' /\ //\\ \\: | //\V/ :\\ \\ \ \\/ \\ /\\ `.____.\\ \\ .' \\ // /\\---\\-' \\ fsc // // \\ \\ \\ Feb 5, 2009 ... Bill Gates Unleashes Swarm of Mosquitoes on Crowd Microsoft founder turned philanthropist Bill Gates released a glass full of mosquitoes at an elite technology conference to make a point about the deadly disease malaria. "Malaria is spread by mosquitoes," Gates said while opening a jar onstage at the Technology, Entertainment, Design Conference — a gathering known to attract technology kings, politicians, and Hollywood stars. "I brought some. Here I'll let them roam around. There is no reason only poor people should be infected." http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,488348,00.html -<>- >From OneNewsNow: Obama taps 'porn lawyer' for #2 spot at Justice Dept. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Politics/Default.aspx?id=408602 --- ...With this attitude is it any wonder our teens are sexting? http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090113/NEWS0102/901130326 -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Woman plans 772nd driver's test -------------- JEONJU, South Korea - A South Korean woman who has failed her driver's exam 771 times said she has signed up for another attempt in the hope that number 772 will be the charm. Choi Young-cheol of the Driver's License Agency in Jeonju, South Korea, said the 68-year-old woman, who was identified only as Cha, began taking the written driver's test in April 2005 and re-attempted the exam on a daily basis until eventually slowing to one test attempt per week, CNN reported Thursday. "You have to get at least 60 points to pass the written part," said Kim Rahn of the Korea Times. "She usually gets under 50." The Driver's License Agency said Cha, whose last test was Monday, has spent an estimated $3,000 on exam fees. Cha said she is planning her next test attempt for Thursday or Friday. -- Mittens made for cold weather love ------------ LONDON - Smittens, mittens that allow lovers to hold hands in the cold, are available for purchase online, said the British woman who designed them. Wendy Fuller said the idea for the mittens, which feature two regular mittens and an oversized glove for two hands, came to her while walking in the cold with her husband, The Daily Telegraph reported. "We were trying to hold hands through our bulky mittens, when it dawned on me to create a mitten that was large enough for both our hands. That way, I thought, we could truly hold hands," Fuller said. Fuller said Smittens, which sell for about $34 on her Web site, were named by her husband. -- Police: Man arrived at jail drunk ------------- IOWA CITY, Iowa - An Iowa man arriving at a jail to serve his sentence in a public intoxication case was hit with a new, similar charge because he showed up drunk, police said. The Johnson County Sheriff's Office said jail officials smelled alcohol on Johnathan David Gunn, 19, when he arrived at the facility Tuesday to begin his 3-day jail sentence for a Dec. 3 second-offense public intoxication conviction, the Iowa City (Iowa) Press-Citizen reported. The criminal complaint filed against Gunn said the suspect admitted to drinking the previous evening and an initial test indicated Gunn had a blood alcohol content of .101, well over the state's legal limit for operating a motor vehicle, .08. Gunn was charged with an aggravated misdemeanor count of third and subsequent public intoxication after a second test performed an hour later registered a blood alcohol content of .055. Court records indicate that Gunn's next court appearance for the charge has not yet been set. .-''-. / , \ .-'`(o) ; '-==. | `._...-;-. )--""" `-. / . `-. / / `. `-. | \ ; \ `-._________ | \ `.`.; -------`. \ `-. \\\\ `---...| `. `-. ```\.--'._ `---...| `-.....7`-.))\ `-._`-.. / `._\ / `-` `-.,' / / /=(_ -./--' ` hjw ,^-(_ ,--' ` -- Aussie caught with pigeons in pants ------------ MELBOURNE - An Australian man is facing serious charges after customs officers at Melbourne Airport found two live pigeons hidden in his pants, authorities said. The 23-year- old Melbourne-area man had the birds strapped to his legs when he arrived in Australia Sunday on a flight from Dubai, The Age reported Monday. The officers also seized a multi- vitamin container holding two birds eggs, as well as a money belt containing plant seeds and undeclared samples of eggplant. It wasn't known what the alleged smuggler intended to do with the birds but now he could end up being a jailbird for as long as 10 years if convicted. "Wildlife smuggling is not only cruel to the animals involved, it poses a severe risk to the Australian environment and the health of the Australian community," customs spokesman Richard Janeczko said. "It is important that people declare all animal and plant materials to customs and border protection when they enter Australia." ============================================================ >-->From Laugh&Lift: >Quick Jokes An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." --------- A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." --------- A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." --------- A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!" SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ==================================================================== >-->Top Ten Jerry Lewis Excuses 10. "Rehearsing for my new film 'The Nutty Terrorist'" 9. "I haven't been myself since Lindsay Lohan went Lesbian" 8. "I'm Batman" 7. "No shampoo on planes I understand, but guns? What is this, Damascus" 6. "Was whacked out on some stuff I got from Amy Winehouse" 5. "Confused myself with Jerry Lee Lewis" 4. "How else do I open those airline peanuts?" 3. "I was told this was a roast!" 2. "Just found out I was seated next to Andy Dick" 1. "Sorry, I thought I put the gun in my schlamaaaaaaven" 1. "Sorry ============================================================ >-->From SermondFodder: THOUGHTS ABOUT LIFE . . . Why are things typed up but written down? How is it that "it was an uphill battle" and "it went downhill from there" mean the same thing? We had Cured Ham for Christmas dinner. We all wondered what illness it was cured of. Why do people say they "worked like a dog"? Our dog just sat around all day. When our kids were younger and they got a little crazy, my wife used a nice, safe playpen. When they calmed down, she climbed out. How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out that wheels on luggage would be a good idea? I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat. I used to watch golf on TV during the weekend, but my doctor told me I needed more exercise ... so now I watch tennis. Why are you "in" a movie, but you're "on" TV? How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend? I saw a sign the other day that said "Life is one contradiction after another." Someone had written in under it, "No, it's not." Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs? I'm going to try the Atkins diet, because my end no longer justifies the jeans. Or something like that. -<>- Quotes on the Family I believe the family was established long before the church, and my duty is to my family first. I am not to neglect my family. - Dwight Lyman Moody (1837-1899) If your father and mother, your sister and brother, if the very cat and dog in the house, are not happier for your being Christian, it is a question whether you really are. - James Hudson Taylor (1832-1905) Source: A Dose of Inspiration, http://www.quietstones.com/mydailydose -<>- [] || || || || || || || || [:::::::::::|| || _._._._ || I.____________||__________/.___ ..I|"""""""""""" """"""""""``""/ I I| / / ||________........__________/ | | | | |___| | | anolisa \____/ Rudderless Our friends Roy and Judy have been married for almost 30 years. But there are two words that took a beating early in their marriage and they still get a rise out of Judy to this day. The words, "Trust me." You know there's a story here. Years ago, Roy decided to try his hand on sailing one of those little "Sunfish"-type sailboats. He wanted Judy to go with him. Her back was really bothering her, but he assured her that he knew what he was doing - "Trust me," he said. One problem - as they sailed away, the rudder kept coming off. That's "rudder," as in what steers the boat. Well, Judy was extremely unhappy when rudderlessness ultimately led to capsizing - a boat with a ten-foot mast stuck upside down in six feet of water. So much for "trust me." That poor young husband. It's tough to be trying to sail without a rudder to guide you. It's actually a feeling a lot of folks know, even if they've never been on a sailboat in their life. In fact, it's our lives that often seem rudderless - drifting - without any real sense of direction. It doesn't matter how big or how small your life is, it can still feel rudderless. There's this feeling that I call pointlessness - the recurring sense that my life, however full and however successful, all seems so pointless ... missing the meaning that makes it all make sense. And along the way, there have been people and things that have seemed to say, "Trust me" - but they let us down. We're victims of disappointed trust, not sure what where the rudder is that will help us find some direction. The Bible explains our sense of rudderlessness, our sense of pointlessness when it says, "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way." (Isaiah 53:6) We were created in such a way that our life can only make sense when the One who created us is running it. But we've taken command instead, happy to let God run the universe, but unwilling to let Him run us. So we're drifting, sometimes even shipwrecked. Away from the only person who has the plan for our life. We are, to use the Bible's word for it, "lost." Then along comes Jesus. He said He had come to "seek and save what was lost." (Luke 19:10) That saving involved the total sacrifice of His life for us - dying on the cross to absorb the awful death penalty for our spiritual rebellion. His cross became the bridge to the Creator that we've been lonely for all these years. So, in John 10:10, our word for today from the Word of God, Jesus is able to say, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." In other words, the life you were created for. When Jesus says, "Trust Me," you can - because this Man who loved you enough to die for you will never do you wrong. But you're rudderless until you anchor your life to Him. You do that by putting your total trust in Him to forgive every wrong thing you've ever done and to remove forever the wall between you and God. There's no religion involved here. It's a life-giving, love relationship with Jesus Christ - which you can begin right where you are. If you're ready to begin your personal relationship with Jesus, tell Him that. And I'd love to send my booklet about this relationship called "Yours For Life" if you'll just let me know you want it. The pointless voyage can end this very day - if you'll let Jesus take the helm of your life. He'll take you where you were made to be. Today's Daily Wisdom is written by Ron Hutchcraft, based on his popular radio broadcast, "A Word With You" which can be found at: http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/awwy/awwymenu.htm "A Word With You" daily devotionals are now available via e-mail. To subscribe send a blank email to: awordwithyou-subscribe@hutchcraft.com Or, to request the "Yours for Life" booklet, fill out the form on this site: http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/yours/yflorder.html Ron Hutchcraft Ministries has been on-line with Gospelcom since February, 1996, providing practical answers to real life issues. Copyright 2000 Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc. PO Box 400, Harrison AR 72602 By way of Daily Wisdom. To subscribe, mailto:dw-subscribe@lists.gospelcom.net ===================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: One cold night my furnace died, so I went to my parents' house. In the morning, a neighbor called to tell me that my water pipes had burst and flooded my town house and hers. I raced home—and on the way got a speeding ticket. Then the furnace repairman arrived and told me he didn't think he had the proper fuse but would check in his truck. Meanwhile, the plumber cut holes in my bathroom wall to locate the leak. When the furnace repairman returned, he held aloft a fuse. "I had the right one after all," he said triumphantly. "This must be your lucky day." -<>- _.---._ _.-~ ~-._ _.-~ ~-._ _.-~ ~---._ _.-~ ~\ .-~ _.; :-._ _.-~ ./ }-._~-._ _..__.-~ _.-~) `-._~-._~-._ / .__..--~_.-~ ~-._~-._\. _.-~_/ _..--~~ ~-. \`--...--~_.-~/~~ \.`--...--~_.-~ ~-..----~ Hygiene is in the eye of the beholder, I've decided. One lunchtime I watched the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread, and noticed part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it. "Excuse me," I ventured, "your sleeve is in the mayo." "No problem," she reassured me. "I need to wash it anyway." -<>- A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" -<>- "Don't worry, I can stay out late tonight," Joe told his friend Bob. "My wife's gone for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean." "Jamaica?" Bob asked. "No, it was her idea." -<>- "Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife. "What, hon?" she asks. "The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one." "Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis next-door." -<>- I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. Q: What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say? A: "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back." =============================================================== _________________________________________________________ ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||.--. .-._ .----. || |||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ || ||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---||| |||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ ||| |||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---||| ||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| || ___ .-.__.-----. .---.|| || |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^||| || , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q ||| || _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R ||| || '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y ||| ||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z ||| || _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^||| || `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||_______________________________________________________|| Qryz >-->Top 10 Strangest How-To Books 10. How to Steal a Dog - By: Barbara O'Connor 9. How to Make a Dirty Movie - By: Paul and Gordon, Leo Peil 8. How to be a Pope - By: Piers Marchant 7. How to Break the Cycle of Life and Death - By: Gary Renard 6. How to Raise and Keep a Dragon - By: Joe Nigg 5. How to Start Your Own Country - By: Erwin S. Strauss 4. How to Pee Standing Up - By: Anna Skinner 3. How to Speak Cat - By: Sarah Whitehead 2. How to Survive a Robot Uprising - By: Daniel H. Wilson 1. How to Become a Schizophrenic - By: John Modrow [From toptenz.net] ============================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ What is a grandmother? \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` (A Great Re-Run From Andy) I like this..... ( taken from papers written by a class of 8 year olds) ** A grandmother is a lady who has no little children of her own. She likes other people's. ** A grandfather is a man grandmother. ** Grandmothers don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. ** It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us. ** When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. ** They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also don't step on "cracks." They don't say, "Hurry up." ** Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. ** They wear glasses and funny underwear. ** They can take their teeth and gums out. ** Grandmothers have to be smart. They have to answer questions like "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?". ** When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again. ** Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown-ups who like to spend time with us. ** They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad. Pass this along to a Grandmother or two. It will make their day. Cherish Yesterday--Dream Tomorrow - Live Today +++++++++++++++++++++++++ ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) ** Questions and Answers From SAT Tests ** The following questions and answers were collated from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (could've been right here in GA! ha ha!) (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the President someday.) Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs. +++++++++++++++++++++ / , /\ \|/ /\ |\\_;=._//| \." "./ //^\ /^\\ .'``",/ |0| |0| \,"``'. / , `'\.---./'` , \ /` /`\,."( )".,/`\ `\ /` ( '.'-.-'.' ) `\ /"` "._ : _." `"\ `/.'`"=.,_``=``_,.="`'.\` jgs ) ( ** BURMA SHAVE ** For those of you who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's. Before the Interstate, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream... DON'T LOOSE YOUR HEAD TO GAIN A MINUTE YOU NEED YOUR HEAD YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT *** Burma Shave*** DROVE TOO LONG DRIVER SNOOZING WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS NOT AMUSING ***Burma Shave*** BROTHER SPEEDER LET'S REHEARSE ALL TOGETHER GOOD MORNING NURSE ***Burma Shave*** CAUTIOUS RIDER TO HER RECKLESS DEAR LET'S HAVE LESS BULL AND MORE STEER ***Burma Shave*** SPEED WAS HIGH WEATHER WAS NOT TIRES WERE THIN X MARKS THE SPOT ***Burma Shave*** THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL FOR BEER LED TO A WARMER HEMISPHERE ***Burma Shave*** AROUND THE CURVE LICKETY-SPLIT ITS A BEAUTIFUL CAR WASN'T IT? ***Burma shave*** NO MATTER THE PRICE NO MATTER HOW NEW THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE IN THE CAR IS YOU *** Burma Shave*** A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAR WIDE OPEN IS NOT THINKIN' HE'S JUST HOPIN' ***Burma Shave*** AT INTERSECTIONS LOOK EACH WAY A HARP SOUNDS NICE BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY ***Burma Shave*** BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL EYES ON THE ROAD THAT'S THE SKILLFUL DRIVER'S CODE ***Burma Shave*** THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING DEPENDS ON YOU TO DO HIS THINKING ***Burma Shave*** CAR IN DITCH DRIVER IN TREE THE MOON WAS FULL AND SO WAS HE. ***Burma Shave*** DRUNKEN DRIVERS HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO HOBBLE HOME IN AN AMBULANCE ***Burma Shave*** And my all time favorite: PASSING SCHOOL ZONE TAKE IT SLOW LET OUR LITTLE SHAVERS GROW ***Burma Shave*** Now, do those bring back memories??!!! ============================================================ >-->Fun Places To Net Visit: What Friends Are For http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/whatfriends.html What Is Love 1? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html What Is Love 2? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove2.html What Is Love 3? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove3.html Love Thoughts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html Love Test! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html Dreamy Ladies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html -<>- >From TheMouth: THE DR. PHIL RANDOM QUOTE GENERATOR http://www.mangydog.com/games/drphil.html DID YOU KNOW? http://www.didyouknow.cd/ REEL CLASSICS http://www.reelclassics.com/index.html RATE CARS http://www.ratecarpics.com/ MURPHY'S LAWS http://www.murphys-laws.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Airline Nostalgia http://www.funstufftosee.com/goodbye.html Mother Goose http://www.rhymezone.com/g/goose Bear Playground http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearplay.html Word/Phrase Origins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html Great Basketball Catch http://www.buffaloschips.com/72228.htm How They Made IT http://www.buffaloschips.com/72229.htm I Love You Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/72230.htm Bodyguard http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21713.htm Tantrum Cure http://www.buffalosjokes.com/062710.htm Ambulance Gags http://www.buffalosjokes.com/062711.htm Take A Peek http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22267.htm Fun http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22266.htm Last Drop http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22265.htm Melted Snow People http://www.buffalosjokes.com/122914.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes And Thunkers: "New York City is now the number 1 tourist attraction in America. Visitors love the way the rats come up to your car window and beg." -David Letterman "Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most." --George R. Kirkpatrick "You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more." --Jeff Foxworthy "A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." --Mark Twain "There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for Walter O'Malley. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me. That's the way it is - we go through life doing nothing for each other." --Gene Autry "Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." -Francis of Assisi "It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he'd already been dead for a year." -Tom Lehrer ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSEE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************