Babies, Grandparents, Doctors And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This scorching hot new page is from our friend Geniann. We've all seen the news photos of the Russian Orthodox churches with their bright colors and multiple domes, but not many of us have seen how gorgeous they are on the inside. This page gives an inside view of the splendor of these magnificent churches. Be sure to check it out here: | ,|, ||| / | \ | | | | | | / | \ | | | | | \ / \ | | | | | | \ / | | 8 | | | ""8"" / | \ 8 / \ ,\ ,d8888888888888|========|="" | ,d" "88888888888| ,aa, | a | ,d" "888888888| 8 8 | 8 | ,d8888888b, "8888888| 8aa8 | 8,| ,d" "8888888b, "88888|========|="" | ,d" "8888888b, "888| a a | a | ,d" ,aa, "8888888b, "8| 8 8 | 8,| /| d" "b |""""""| |========|="" | | 8 8 | | | ,aa, | a | | 8aaaa8 | | | 8 8 | 8 | | | | | """" | ,,=| |aaaaaaaaaaaaaa|======""""""""""""""""" Beautiful Russian Churches http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russianchurches.html --- ...Most stunning! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _"_ % (< ? ` " __||___ |\___//_\ (' | ') \\ __|\ , / |/ /: / \ :: \| ######o /| ######## \) ######## \ : / \: / -- %%% %% % /:\ |/|, b'ger A rather well-proportioned woman, planned to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing. She found the ideal spot on the roof of her hotel. It was deserted and secluded, with a smooth, raised "deck" which received the sun all day long. She wore a bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided that since no one could see her way up there, she would slip out of it and get rid of the tan lines on her back. She'd been lying there on her stomach for a little while when she heard someone running up the stairs toward the roof. Startled, she didn't have time to pull on her suit, and since she was lying on her stomach, she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing up here, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit, as you did yesterday." "Yesterday!" she exclaimed, rather irritated..."Have you been following me around? And besides, what difference does it make anyway, since no one can see me? I'm on the top floor and I'm covered with a towel." "Well, that would be true," said the embarrassed little man, "except for the fact that you're lying on the dining room skylight." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 26 Carnival Day, National Pistachio Day and Tell a Fairy Tale Day February 27 is Polar Bear Day and No Brainer Day February 28 is Floral Design Day, Public Sleeping Day and National Tooth Fairy Day March 1 is National Pig Day, Peanut Butter Lovers' Day, and Purim - begins at sundown March 2 is Old Stuff Day, Employee Appreciation Day, National Salesperson Day and World Day of Prayer March 3 is Caregiver Appreciation Day, I Want You to be Happy Day, If Pets Had Thumbs Day, National Anthem Day and Peach Blossom Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day, Hug a GI Day and Oscar Night ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | >Happening Right Now! THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier and everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that I didn't even recognize her. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so I glanced at my own reflection. Well REALLY NOW - even mirrors aren't made the way they used to be! Another thing: everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized too. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 32 waist pant as 40? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on, but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: ** WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! ** Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! -<>- 'x|` '|xx| ` '|x| ` ' |xx| ` ' |x|` |xx| |x| ============|===============|===-- ejm ~~~~~|xx|~~~~~~~~~~~~~|x|~~~ ~~ ~ ~ >The Bridge A friend and I were driving on a back country road when we came to a bridge under construction. The road narrowed to one lane, with a red light at either end. We stopped at the red light at our side and when it turned green, we started up again. Halfway through we met another car coming towards us. The driver leaned out his window and shouted, "I don't back up for idiots!" Putting his car into reverse, my friend called back, "No problem, I do." -<>- >You're Late! The General went out to find that none of his soldiers were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the soldier go. Moments later, eight more soldiers came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. They all had the same story. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth soldier jogged up to the General, panting heavily, "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..." "Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down." "No sir," said the soldier, "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them." -<>- >Stepladder In our storeroom, we use a stepladder to get items from the top shelf. But it's always in the way, and after banging my shin on it for the umpteenth time, I asked the staff to please keep it somewhere safe. The next day, I found the ladder neatly collapsed and placed where it couldn't hurt anyone: on the top shelf. -<>- >Living Large We were four frugal young teachers. But a couple times a year we treated ourselves to the best Manhattan had to offer. As we approached the famous restaurant Lutece, we questioned whether we were dressed perfectly. Could we pass as urban sophisticates? The maitre d' met us at the door, all smiles and bows. When he took my raincoat, I began to look over the cozy little bar and anticipate the charming basket of pastry that was our appetizer. Then the maitre d' returned to our group, gingerly holding a fabric softener sheet that had fallen from my coat sleeve. "Madam," he said, "Your Bounce." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. >SMILES Judi was sitting at the defendant's table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand. The lawyer asked, "When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?" "Yes, sir, they were." "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?" Yes, sir, she did." "And," looking at Judi, "what did she said to you?" "She asked me, 'What disco am I at?’" ---------- If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. - I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. - I could deal with that too. If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. - I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. - I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. - Yup......I want to be a bear! ---------- The doctor asked Chuck about what he did yesterday, he told him about his day. "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from a mountain lion in the heavy brush, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake." Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, "Chuck, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!" "No," Chuck replied, "I'm a lousy golfer." ---------- A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know WHAT you gave me, but now when I pass gas although still silent they stink terribly." "Good," the doctor said, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing." ---------- A new baby, when he was still in hospital, said to the little babe lying next to him, 'I know I am a boy!' The other baby said, 'What! How DO you know that??' 'Well, it's under the blanket; I can show you...' 'Show me! Show me!' 'SSST! Wait till the nurses are gone...' A few minutes later: 'I can show you now. Watch!' Slowly the baby lifted up his blanket, the other baby peeking under it. 'Can you see it?' The first one said, 'You see it, down there?' 'But WHAT should I see?' 'I'm wearing blue socks!!' ------- As dessert was served to the visiting pastor, the hostess apologized for not having any cheese to go with the apple pie. Hearing this, her little son slipped down from his chair and left the room, then returned with a small piece of cheese which he shyly placed on the pastor's plate. "Why, thank you, son," said the guest as he popped the cheese in his mouth, "You must have found the last piece! Where did you find it?" Flushing with pride, the little boy said, "Oh, it was in the mousetrap." ------- A missionary heard about a native who had five wives. "You are violating a law of God," he said, "so you must go and tell four of those women you can no longer live here or consider you their husband." The native thought a few moments, then said, "Me wait here. You tell 'em." ------- A family from the hills of Kentucky was visiting the big city for the first time. They stayed in a high-rise hotel with a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The mother and daughter stared at it in amazement, wondering what it was. After staring at it in awe for a few minutes the girl looked up at her mom, "Ma, what do you reckon that there thing is?" she asked. "I don't rightly know, girl," the mother replied. Just then an old, frumpy man in a robe with messy hair walks up, steps in the elevator and the doors shut behind him. After about 30 seconds the doors opened again and a handsome, muscular young man in tight work-out clothes comes out. The mother leans over to her daughter and says, "Girl, go and get your Pa!" ------- A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress and figuring that the fellow was in need of some assistance, proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. But his attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno..." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?" ------- Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing. "Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place..." "I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!!" ---------- "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said Dewey, the new husband. "Toast and juice," said Tracy. ---------- A widow and widower married and on the first night he reached over, took her hand and they fell asleep. The second night he reached over and took her hand, again they fell asleep. The third night he reached for her hand and she said, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache." ---------- Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Abner came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny. When Uncle Abner came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny Kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" "Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle Abner. "Ma's gonna be mad", said Little Johnny. "Why will she be mad?" asked Uncle Abner. "Because the bed pan's on this side!" --- ...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` >How children perceive their Grandparents 1. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I'd done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye! 2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?" 3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?" 4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" 5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied. 6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." 7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!" 8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights." 9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6." (WOW! I really like this one -- it says I'm only '38'!) 10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'." 11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child." 12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants." 13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport." 14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him! 15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog. SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE. IF THEY'RE NOT ALREADY GRANDPARENTS, MAYBE SOME DAY THEY'LL GET LUCKY AND BECOME ONE! --- ...HaHaHaHa! So cute! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Tucker Carlson Tonight 2/23/18 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTFsrgLkp0A Sean Hannity 2/23/18 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV5HnkahSdk Justice with Judge Jeanine - Be sure to listen to her Opening Statement 2/24/2018 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uDgQRedxos Don't forget small businesses. We're booming under Trump tax cuts, too - USA Today In an op-ed, Gary Rabine writes about the tremendous effects of the President’s tax cuts on small businesses. He notes that his company alone is “green-lighting two start-ups, doubling research and development, hiring more people and giving larger raises and bonuses.” https://tinyurl.com/yd9ymbm9 Black and Decker expansion to bring 400 jobs to Baltimore County - WMAR Baltimore On Tuesday, the company Stanley Black and Decker announced its plans to expand operations in Maryland. The company plans to hire for 400 positions across electrical and electromechanical engineering, digital and brand marketing, industrial design, finance and human resources. https://tinyurl.com/ycb2zco8 WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: What do you do for kicks on a Saturday night? If you're a bored teenager in California maybe you'll take part in the age-old teenage prank of toilet papering houses, but if you're smart you'll skip the reckless endangerment and property damage. The girl in today's story wasn't quite so smart. A group of teenagers who were looking to have fun in the middle of the night are lucky to be alive after crashing into a home. Police were called to a home in Brea, California after a pickup truck crashed into a house. Responding officers discovered that the truck was driven by a teenage girl. She had a few of her teenage friends in the truck. Thankfully, the truck crashed into the garage of the home and not in a bedroom, where the residents were sleeping. The crash, which police believe occurred due to speeding, caused damage to utility lines at the house, but none of the suspects were injured. According to Lt. Adam Hawley, the teenagers were throwing toilet paper at a nearby home. "When a homeowner came outside, the driver sped off and collided with the next-door neighbor's house," Hawley said. Kids these days, just don't know how to drive. *--------- A Moose Once Bit My Sister ---------* A man attempting to pet a moose on a Colorado road ended up getting only a scare when the large animal charged at him. Amanda Danielson recorded video on a street in Frisco when a man claimed he pets moose all the time and attempted to demonstrate with a nearby animal. The video shows the man creeping closer to the moose until the animal turns its attention toward him. The moose charges at the man, but turns away before making contact. The moose's reaction appears to be enough to convince the man to abandon his plans. *- Bride Trapped In Elevator On Way To Reception -* A Rhode Island bride missed cocktail hour after she became stuck in an elevator on the way to her wedding reception. Melissa Rodger said she and two wedding planners were taking the elevator to cocktail hour at her wedding reception at the Providence Biltmore when the elevator abruptly stopped four feet over the landing. "I was hoping that it would just take a minute," Rodger said. "Five minutes went by and I thought: 'OK, something might be wrong.'" Her new husband, Justin Rodger, said he received the news a few minutes later. "One of her bridesmaids came up to me and whispered in my ear: 'we have a situation that's going on,'" he said. "'Don't be alarmed, but Melissa is stuck in the elevator.'" A technician was able to get the elevator running again about 45 minutes after it stopped. The Rogers said the rest of their reception went well, despite starting a little late. *--- Now That's Just a Waste of Good Whiskey ---* One man was taken into custody by police and another man is wanted over disturbing animal abuse. People saw a disturbing video of the animal abuse being shared online and forwarded it to police in Georgia. Police arrested 28-year-old Sergio Palomares-Guzman, a horse trainer, on a ranch in Gwinnett County. According to police, Palomares-Guzman was seen on video holding the goat's horns while a second suspect inserted cocaine into its nose. Palomares-Guzman then forced the goat's mouth open while the second suspect poured whiskey into it. Apparently there's not much to do for fun in Georgia. Palomares-Guzman is facing charges of aggravated animal cruelty and he may be deported as ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) has placed a detainer on him. Authorities said that the goat is in good condition and is with the Gwinnett Animal Shelter until a fine home is found for it. *- WARNING: Smoking Is Hazardous To Your Health -* A woman suffered serious injuries after her boyfriend pumped gas into a garbage can in their car while she was smoking a cigarette, according to police in Washington. The Grant County Sheriff's Office said that the woman was hospitalized with burns after her vehicle caught fire, which was caused by her companion pumping gas into a garbage can inside their car. Deputies learned that the 1988 Ford Tempo had parked at the gas pumps and a man had attempted to pump gasoline into a garbage can, which he had in the back seat. The female passenger, who was smoking a cigarette, apparently caused the fumes to ignite, engulfing the car. The woman got out of the car but sustained severe burns. The man ran away from the scene on foot. After the fire was out, deputies discovered a large quantity of marijuana in the trunk of the car. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __________ | __ __ | | | || | | | | || | | | |__||__| | | __ __()| | | || | | | | || | | | | || | | | | || | | | |__||__| | ejm |__________| >Applying For A Job A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!" -<>- >Getting Glasses The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through, and put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get upset about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames." -<>- >The Happiest Woman... A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you." -<>- >What Would the Neighbors Think? Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money." -<>- ( ) ( ___...(-------)-....___ .-"" ) ( ""-. .-'``'|-._ ) _.-| / .--.| `""---...........---""` | / / | | | | | | \ \ | | `\ `\ | | `\ `| | _/ /\ / (__/ \ / _..---""` \ /`""---.._ .-' \ / '-. : `-.__ __.-' : : ) ""---...---"" ( : '._ `"--...___...--"` _.' jgs \""--..__ __..--""/ '._ """----.....______.....----""" _.' `""--..,,_____ _____,,..--""` `"""----"""` >Q and A Quickies Q: What's the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentine's Day? A: "Words cannot espresso what you mean to me." Q: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? A: He'll dessert you. Q: What did one mushroom say to the other on Valentine's Day? A: "There's so mushroom in my heart for you!" Q: What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? A: February 14th. Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny! Q: What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine's Day? A: You're one in a melon! Q: Which day is stronger, Sunday or Monday? A: Sunday. Monday is a weekday. Q: What does an envelope say when you lick it? A: Nothing. It just shuts up. Q: Why did the doughnut go to the dentist? A: It needed a chocolate filling. Q: How can you tell if a calendar is popular? A: It has a lot of dates! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _.~._ ,~'.~@~.`~. / : _..._ : \ { :,"''))`".: } `C) 9 _ 9 (-'.._,-"7o-.__ ( )(@)( ) /o `. `-.___.-' `-._ / \ \ / `-' ;`-._,-. y ,' `---t.,-. \_____ ,' /---.__\ _( \--------' _,\ ,' `-.__.--' `. \_____ '///,-`-' `-------' hjw A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six- month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby. Two women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked. "No, they're three months apart." "My! You sure had them close together." -<>- Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis... When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again." The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his wife's name?" Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda." -<>- A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since." -<>- Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. "We have to call it Imagination," one passionate participant cried out. Everyone thought the idea over for a minute, and then a voice of reason replied, "Are you sure you want your business card to read 'Imagination, Limited'?" -<>- The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand. "And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn't you feel any qualms? Didn't you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?" "Yes," she answered. "Come to think of it...there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him." "And, when was that?" "When he asked for the second cup." -<>- My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called. "What's all the commotion over there?" she asked. "Oh, nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Doctor's Reports 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 7. The patient refused an autopsy. 8. The patient has no past history of suicides. 9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy. 20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. 22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' >"Why aren't you married yet?" -You haven't asked yet. -I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. -Because I just love hearing this question. -Just lucky, I guess. -My fiancé is awaiting his/her parole. -It didn't seem worth a blood test. -I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. -Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. -I'd have to forfeit my billion-dollar trust fund. -They just opened a great singles bar on my block. -What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? -We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it. -I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. -Why aren't you thin? -I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation. -(For Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Kids On God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidsonGod.html Wall Mural Art 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html Balloon Party! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/party.html Auto Motorplex http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Elephant Hotel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elhotel.html Chinese WalMart http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Great White Shark! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Amazing Cop Cars 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html My Catty Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catlife.html Cat In A Box http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html Cat Motivational Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catposters.html When Artists Get Bored http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html Best Parents http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestparents.html Up Close And Personal 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal2.html Salvation Mountain http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salvation.html Extreme Camping http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Floating Hotel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fhotel.html Moon Photography Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonart.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/yd38pcyp Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html -<>- >On The Web: Lazy Hollywood Shortcuts, Explained With Diagrams From Cracked.com: You probably already know that movie and TV characters are formulaic. But what you may not realize is that everything about them is some sort of shorthand. And almost none of it makes sense. Don't believe us? Don't worry, we drew you some diagrams. Take a look! https://tinyurl.com/yca9sdye 25 Facts About George Washington George Washington was the first President of the United States, and one of the most interesting. Here are 25 very interesting facts about his life, presidency, and service to the country. https://tinyurl.com/ox3vevz Depressing Cinematic Swan Songs From Talented Actors Some of the greatest actors of all-time didn't always get parts in the greatest movies of all time... and sometimes the worst movies they were in just happened to be the last one they were in. https://tinyurl.com/ngh7ut Ranking 26 Giant Robots From Film and TV Man's best friend, the giant robot, gets a little more love as Netflix drops its third season of Voltron: Legendary Defender. In celebration, we’ve bolted together one heckuva mecha list: Choose and upvote your favorite giant robots from TV and movie history. https://tinyurl.com/y9qzyk2b Famous Rodeo Monkey Riding a Dog Monkey dressed as a cowboy herds sheep while riding a dog! https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=dDZtH-_RDDU Monkey Cowboy Rodeo (Harrisburg Senators) June 13th 2013. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wjn3eSba7n0 Here are the best and the funniest videos of birds! Try not to laugh, impossible! Just look how all these parrots, chickens, turkeys, smaller birds,... behave, play, fail, make funny sounds, react to different things,... So ridiculous, funny and cute! What is your favorite clip? :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXvkiXEFedA -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Make Joy Happen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCoI8bl0Ty8 --- ...awww, so cute! Thanks Linda! For a productive day start with a good breakfast and a good laugh. Sometimes you can find happiness in a subway train. One such magical moment was captured when a Belgian advertising agency working for Coca-Cola hired an actor to randomly start laughing on the train. With the tagline “Happiness starts with a smile”– their new ad aims to bring a bit of joy to everyone’s day. Just watch and we dare you not to let out a small giggle, too! Coca-Cola: Happiness starts with a smile - YouTube https://tinyurl.com/ybs2qluy --- ...So endearing! Proves laughter IS contagious! Thanks Linda! Revisiting... >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Take the long way... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoGGDKV88Fg&feature=player_embedded This video will make you think twice about even dipping your toes in the surf. This is from Cape Lookout National Seashore in North Carolina and I'm telling you: The sharks are literally close enough to nip at your ankles. You have to watch this amazing shark feeding frenzy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liijgHmbBzg&feature=player_embedded No matter what size bass or pike you've reeled in, this fisherman will definitely be able to beat your biggest fish story. That's because his isn't about a fish. You have to see how this cool guy saved a bald eagle from certain death and nursed it back to health. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6N1Go6T8tsk&feature=player_embedded --- ...Astounding! Great Videos! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: Anybody who says their wedding or the birth of their child was the best day of their life has clearly never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine. My friend keeps telling me, "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." And I know he means well, but... I hope when I die it's early in the morning, so I don't go to work that day for no reason. "A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn't resort to violins." -Seth Meyers "Valentine's Day: the day women all around the world wait eagerly to discover the new and wonderful ways their husbands and boyfriends will disappoint them." -Jimmy Kimmel "Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom." -Conan O'Brien "In technology news, the organization that oversees emoji's has changed the lobster emoji after people in Maine complained that it didn't have the correct number of legs! When they heard about this, lobsters were like "Thanks for fixing the emoji but while you're at it, can you stop boiling us?'" -James Corden "A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then." -Jimmy Fallon "A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel "This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two." --George Burns "Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think." --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "In China, a husband recently discovered that his wife was a man after he’d been married to her for three years. Friends are describing the husband as 'not a real details guy'." - Conan O'Brien "Dogs in Britain are being trained to sniff out diabetes when their owners' blood sugar drops. They're great at it, but only when diabetes is in your crotch." - Jimmy Fallon "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." - Rodney Dangerfield >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************