Back To The 70s & More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== * IF YOU HAVE Cool free to use Animated Graphics for the Animated Gallery, please send them my way! I figure if I put them up, then they won't get lost with sites going down so often as they do. ** PLEASE SEND ANY COOL FORWARDS MY WAY TOO - I Love them, I need them! I use them as extras to the group or turn them into pages for the web site for all to enjoy for years to come! *~* Thank You So Much! :) =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >Hot Off The Press - This one is Smokin! This was sent to us from our Friend PatH. I was astonished at how beautiful the art is! See what you think... _______ ____________ ,,/\/ / \/ // / / \ =\\\\\\\============================- ``\ \ \\ \ \ /\ \ / ----- ------------ --- unknown Feather Painting Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather.html --- ...So sweet Of You to Share this With Us PatH! Thank You! -<>- >Our Friend Fred Invited me to the 'My Year Book' site so I have my profile up on it ... Check it out/join here: Join My Year Book http://www.myyearbook.com/join.php?ref=1161421965 NOTE: I'll get lunch money if you use my link above to Join! ., _ / ` ((|))))) ((/ a a ))) >) ((((._e(( ,--/ (-. / \ <\/>/| / /) Lo )| / / ) / | This'll Take Ya Back To The 70's | / ( / | / ;/ ||( | / )|/| \ |/'/\ \_____\ \ | \ \ |\ \ | | ) ) ) )/ / / / / / | / / | / / || / || '-,_ |_\ ( '"'-` gpyy \(\_\ Visit Shangy on My Year Book http://www.myyearbook.com/shangy/ --- ...Thank You Fred! I wanted to get on one of these places but wasn't sure which one might suit me - I guess it was this one ;) ================================================================ >-->From The FunnyBone: Woo Woo Woo There were two Indians and a Polish ___..-. fellow walking along together in ._/ __ \_`-.__ the desert, when all of a sudden / .'/##\_ `-. \--. one of the Indians took off and .-_/#####\ /-' `\_ ran up this hill to the mouth of /###@@###\_ \._ `- a cave. He stopped and hollered jgs _|###########\_`. -' \ into the cave... " "'"''"'"'''" ''"'"''" "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" ...and then listened very closely until he heard the answer... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something. "No," said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you. Well, just about that time the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" ...off came the clothes and into the cave he goes. The Polock started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement he was thinking, Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger than the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave! Well, he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and hollered... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of... "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave. The next day in the newspaper the head lines read....... NAKED POLACK RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN!!! ============================================================= +------------------- Bizarre Holidays --------------------+ JUNE June 1 is Dare Day June 2 is National Rocky Road Day June 3 is Repeat Day June 4 is Old Maid's Day June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day June 6 is Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News.com ================================================================== >-->Good Tips From Our Friend PatH :) __i |---| |[_]| Cell Phone TIPS |:::| |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm This is very good info to have. It does amaze me how a cell phone could even help unlock a car, yet. I put the FREE411 in my cell. >5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, and wallet. Good information to have with you.) There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it: FIRST - Emergency The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find Yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to Establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out. SECOND - Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys In the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). THIRD - Hidden Battery Power Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time. FOURTH - How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. And Finally.... FIFTH - Free Directory Service for Cells Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need t o use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now. This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so Pass it on to your family and friends. --- ...Wonderful Tips! Thanks PatH! ================================================================ >-->Top things to love about the 70's... ,@@@@@@@@@, @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@'_ _'@@@@@ @@@| o o |@@@ '@| (_) |@' 60's & 70's Were Far Out Man! \ ___ / |\_`~`_/| ____/: `"` :\____ /`}}}}}\ /{{{{{`\ / {{{{{ \ / }}}}} \ / }}}}} \.-./ {{{{{ \ | {{{{{ / | \ }}}}} | jgs | }}}}} \/|\/ {{{{{ | | /{{{{{ '-' }}}}}\ Archie comics, jelly glasses, after school reruns of Gilligan's Island, Young Bill Murray, Freakies Cereal, Bonne Bell Lip Gloss, Wizzers tops, Barbie's Country Camper, Fonzie, Jack Tripper, Steve Martin the Wild and Crazy Guy, The Eagles, Rolling Stones, Elton John, Foreigner, Carly Simon, CSN&Y, Steely Dan, Chicago, Kiss, hard rock, some great R&B, Csaey Kasem's top 40 show, Peanuts Characters, Ziggy, Garfield, Planet of the Apes, Saturday morning cartoons, mood rings, pet rocks, toe socks, Pop Rocks, Wacky Packages stickers with that dreadful gum, Mouthful gum in sour apple, Bubs Daddy gum, Bun bars, Chunky Candy Bars, Bit O Honey, Hot Dog gum, Jolly Rancher sticks, Chick-o-Sticks, Giant pixie sticks, Charms lollipops, Blowpops, Wacky Wafers, wax pop bottles, wax lips, those little candy dots you peel off paper, Now & Laters AKA amateur dental extractors, sting ray bikes and the leaopard print seat on my sister's and tandems, when I could borrow one, Schoolhouse rock, The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, ___ ///\\\/---- ||//\///\\\\ /`-.__\\\\///| FLOWER POWER /_ _ `--._| ___-`---.___ | ---------- `-.__| ----------( \.-.@ @_ \\\\\\ ------------| `-'-.(_)--/\\\\\ /////------//| `-' )\\\\\\ PEACE /////------///\ `--'\ /"\\\\\\\\\\ ////--------///\ `-' /\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ .-. _ //////------////>---'\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ | | / ) _ ////////////// |__| )\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ | |/ / / `. _ ////////.-' >\ <-._.--.\\\\\\\\\ _|__ /_ ( \ . .' ) /////// ( .- ( )() ( )_)\\\\\\\ / __)-' ) `- | |/ //// ( ) ( )|--'() ( ) \\\\\\\\ \ `(.-') .---/ _() /// ( ) () | /() ( ) \\\\\\ > ._>-' ()+8 8 | | ( )( ) | /( ) ( ) \ / \/ ()+8 8/-()__ / ( )( ) \/ ( ) ( )\ \ /\ / |8 8| `. | () ( ).--.( ) ( )-\ \ / | ()+||||-() (_/ _/ /| ()/ || \ ) ()()\ \__/ / .-`|||| /\\ / / ()|/ \ () \ `. /| | (_ |||| .' _/-/ ()\/||\/() \-. \ / ||( \_ .' ( )/ ( ) `--' ( ) > ) `. / .--|_|\_ \ .' .'( )_ ( )-.___.-( ) ( ) "" `.__)-.( /.'\ .' ( )'_)-.______( ).-')' (___)| \ .-' `--'`-._.---._.(_))-' (__)|| +-)' | /_.--.\ | (__)||-' `._|`-' ) ) _| ||||| | `.`-'.'--' / ||||| .' | | .\| ||||| .' _.-|_| \ ||||| / .'.-' \\ | |||||| .' / \ \ ||||| / .' \ \ ||||| .' / | | _|||||----./ .' \ \ .-' ||||| `/ / \ | .' ||||| ( / | | / ||||| | |\ \ | | .'|||||. | || | ) \ | |||||\ | |/ | \ \ | |||||| | | / | | `.||||' / | | \ | |||| | \ | | / ||||| | |\ / | / |||||_/ | \ | \ / ------'| | | | | | |___.---| \ | / | | / | | | \ | | \/ | | | / | | | \ | | | | `. / \ | \ `--.___`-_ |_ | | .-.__.-''-,_ - | \_' <`. '.-//|-/`` (_) _.-' `._-.____.-'.| / '//, ,\.-'`` |--. `-.____.' |__/ '''\ -'/ | `. _.// | `-.__.-' VK Sonny and Cher, The Carol Burnett Show, Bob Newhart, Happy Days, The Love Boat, The Waltons, Little House, Laverne and Shirley, especially Lenny and Squiggy, One Day at a Time and Barbara Cooper's perfect hair, SNL, Soap, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Prince spaghetti night, getting your turn on the one phone in the house, which was in the kitchen, muscle cars like the Chevelle, the Camaro and the Trans Am with the bird, the movie Grease, bensia pencils, troll hair rings, multi color ink jumbo pens, colored notebook paper, round radios and TVs, Dynamite Magazine, Scholastic book orders from school, The Hardy Boys, Rockflowers, nerf balls, Dawn Dolls, Flatsy, Chrissy and Velvet, Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots, bic banana markers AKA "ink crayons", Roller rinks with real skates, metal skates with a key that you used in your own garage, first generation skate boards, Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific Shampoo, Clairol Herbal Essence Shampoo, having Farrah Fawcet Hair if you were a girl, having the poster if you were a guy, having a 12 inch black and white TV in your bedroom meant you were livin' large! for kids in Chicagoland, Salerno Butter Cookies that you nibbled while wearing on your finger, the Ray Rayner Show including Chelvaston the Duck, Cuddly Duddly and the precursor to post its all over Ray's jump suit, Garfield Goose, suzy Snowflake, Hardrock & Coco & Joe and the best Bozo ever as played by Bob Bell! ================================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: Bill's wife started noticing how forgetful he was becoming. Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor. Bill was a little worried when the doctor came in. Sensing his patient's nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was to ask what was troubling him. "Well," Bill answered. "I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor thought for a moment then answered, "Pay me in advance." -<>- ,=""=, c , _,{ /\ @ ) __ / ^~~^\ <=.,__/ '}= (_/ ,, ,,) \_ _>_/~ ~\_(/-\)'-,_,_,_,-'(_)-(_) -Naughty I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my husband's channel-surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless. "Honey, change the channel," I said, shielding my son's eyes. "He shouldn't see this." "It's okay." my husband replied. "He probably thinks it's the Food Network." -<>- There were two good ol' boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got." The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?" "Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet." -<>- // // // // _______|| ,-''' ||`-. ( || ) |`-..._______,..-'| | || | | _______|| | |,-'''_ _ ~ ||`-.| | ~ / `-.\ ,-'\ ~| |`-...___/___,..-'| | `-./-'_ \/_| | | -' ~~ || -.| jrei ( ~ ~ ~~ ) `-..._______,..-' The fragrance department of a major New York City store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bouquet. One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com- mented that the perfume was too strong, the model replied, "The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off." "See!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that second drink." -<>- [collected, with family friendly edits, from Overheard in the Office, Overheard on the Beach, and Overheard in New York.] Marketing Guy: Why haven't you kept me up-to-date on this account? Ops Guy: I've cc'd you on every e-mail I sent to them! Marketing Guy: I don't have time to read my e-mails. There's too much information in them. If you send me an important e-mail, give me a call to let me know I need to check it. === Blonde: Mmmm, it smells so good in here! Doesn't it smell good in here? I love it! I just want to eat what's in my nose right now! Friend: I know! === Sales Guy, entering a meeting: Sorry I'm late.... Director of Marketing: You brought doughnuts? Coffee? Sales Guy: Nooooo.... Director of Marketing: Then you're dead to us. Get out. === | | ^ | | [] | | * | | [O] [O] | | .-==-. | | __DOCTOR_ ( | | /#\ /#\ | | |[][]| | | \__WHO__/ + __[\ | | || || || || | | |[][]| | | | /__\ | | | | | | | | |[][]| | | * -+- | | _ _ _ _ | | |____| | | * | "Master?" "We will survive!" "Vworp!" "Whoopity woo..." Bruce Greenwood Father: You see, girls, there is an election coming up, and so far we have only had boring white men. This time we could have a black man or a woman as our president! Four-year-old Daughter: But Daddy, we're white! Father: Yes, but we aren't boring. === Teen, trying on a jacket: How does this look on me, on a scale of one to ten, with five being in the middle? === Woman: He's very successful. I'm sure he's a millionaire by now, and he's only 26. He never even graduated from college. Girl: I'm soooooo jealous. I wish I didn't have an education. === Dude: I'm sick of drama, and I'm sick of people coming down and crashing at my beach house. It's so annoying when people just use my stuff. Can I have some of your water? -<>- Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes. One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?" ============================================================== >-->In The Wordly News: >From LifeScript: Marilu Henner: Barely Aging Marilu Henner is in her fifties but looks thirtysomething. Maybe she has good genes but she’s also got something we can all have, too: a healthy lifestyle. Want in on her secrets? She’s sharing in this LifeScript exclusive… Read More: http://www.lifescript.com/HA/53872_4238409_12394_0.htm 6 STD Myths Debunked No aspect of sexuality is kept more secret than sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps for this reason, myths about STDs persist, even though sex is more infused in our social culture than ever before. LifeScript uncovers the truth about commonly contracted STDs. Separate myth from reality to lower your risk of contracting one of the 19 million STD infections the Centers for Disease Control estimates occur each year… read more: http://www.lifescript.com/HA/52926_4238409_12148_0.htm Does Vitamin D Prevent Breast Cancer? Getting plenty of vitamin D is a must to keep our bones strong. Now, according to a new 2008 landmark study, this “sunshine vitamin” may do more than protect our frames. It may also help ward off breast cancer. Plus: What’s your breast cancer risk? Take our quiz to find out… http://www.lifescript.com/HA/53920_4238409_12403_0.htm -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: |\ ,'\ /.o\ `, | -', \ `,'_)\ ,' / _`o,- / '_ ' , / ,-L} _`-`_ . ;. (,' | ,``_' ' ,` '_ ,|\\ /..-(_)' |'` | | -bf- --' `-- Court orders tree split OMAHA, May 28 (UPI) -- An Omaha man said a court forced him to cut a tree in half after a neighbor complained that it was damaging his lawn. Steve Liston said he received a certified letter from his neighbor asking him to cut the 20-year old pine tree, KETV, Omaha, reported Wednesday. "I trimmed it as far back as I possibly could and he sent me a certified letter and said it wasn't good enough," Liston said. "Then, we went to small claims court and the judge said I got to trim it." Liston said he had to split the tree down the middle to satisfy his neighbor. "He's the one that has to see that side of the tree, which doesn't make any sense to me," Liston said. New car for perfect attendance A Michigan father has made good on his promise to buy a new car for his daughter if she maintained perfect attendance until high school graduation. Tim Baker of Constantine said he made the promise to his daughter, Andria, when she was in fourth grade and never expected her to accomplish the feat, the Kalamazoo (Mich.) Gazette reported Wednesday. However, Baker said Andria did not miss a day of school in eight years, earning her a new Pontiac G-6. "Without a doubt, it was worth every penny I spent," he said. "When she turned around after seeing the car, she did not know what to do," Baker said. "We got her into the car and she just sat there. Then she ran into the house to get her driver's license, and she and her best friend got in the car and tooled down the road." Baker said he put a personalized license plate on the car that reads "O DAYS" in honor of his daughter's attendance record. -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Kentucky, Ohio feud over rock --------------- FRANKFURT, Ky. - Kentucky officials said they are prepared to go to court to get back an 8-ton boulder currently in the possession of the city of Portsmouth, Ohio. The officials and researchers said Indian Head Rock, which is believed to bear writings made by American Indians, was taken from the Kentucky side of the Ohio River last year by unidentified Ohioans, WLKY-TV, Louisville, Ky., reported Thursday. "The Indian Head Rock was located in Kentucky waters and is Kentucky state property," said researcher George Carruthers of the University of Kentucky. "From a research standpoint, removal of the Indian Head Rock from the Ohio River has removed the artifact from its historic context, robbing researchers of the opportunity to fully appreciate its history. The significance of the rock as a historical feature of the river has been destroyed," Carruthers said. Kentucky prosecutor Cliff Duvall said he is prepared to go to court to bring the rock back to the state and prosecute the alleged thieves. "I can tell you we are working toward a grand jury vote on the matter," he said. ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ -- Woman, 101, renews driver's license -- \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` TALLAHASSEE, Fla. - A 101-year-old Florida woman known as the oldest driver on the planet says people may be surprised she renewed her driver's license until 2011. Lillian Cox began driving in 1915 and can still be seen putting around Tallahassee, Fla., in her 1984 sedan, WKMG-TV in Orlando reported Thursday. "They're surprised that I'd get a driver's license at 101. But I have four more years," she said. "I'm sure I look (101 years old) but they don't let me know that." Cox said, however, she wants to be driven to her upcoming appearance on "Tonight Show with Jay Leno" in a limousine. -- Man survives crotch snake bite --------------- CAIRNS, Australia - A man seemed embarrassed after a snake bit him in the crotch while he was relieving himself on the side of the road in Australia, an ambulance spokesman said. The tourist could have lost his life when a poisonous brown snake lurched toward his crotch and sunk its teeth into his manhood, the Sun reported Thursday. It was reported rescue officials hurried to the road near Cairns, Australia, and began on-site treatment. Medical officials said the man was expected to recover, despite throwing up and complaining of a stomachache. "It certainly had a swipe at him. But it didn't envenomate him. As it came through it must have got a bit of a shock," the spokesman said. "I think he was a bit shocked and embarrassed." ============================================================= . .. __..---/______//-----. (( ) .".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! )) (.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= ) *--* *--* jnh >-->Top Ten Things Never Before Said By A NASCAR Driver 10. Kasey Kahne: "Anyone know how to drive a stick?" 9. Jeff Gordon: "Does this gas taste funny to you?" 8. Jeff Burton: "I don't care much for country music or beer" 7. Mark Martin: "Switch the 'r' and 'c' in 'racing' and you get 'caring'" 6. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: "Wow, Letterman looks so young in person" 5. Denny Hamlin: "You're looking at a guy who can drive 500 miles without taking a leak" 4. Kyle Busch: "A truly great driver doesn't mind asking for directions, am I right, ladies?" 3. Kevin Harvick: "It would be nice if the guys in the pits occasionally surprised me with a piece of carrot cake or something" 2. Jimmie Johnson: "The Nextel Cup is great, but what I'm really excited for is Late Show Ventriloquist Week" 1. Matt Kenseth: "If you think I'm fast in my car, you should see me in the bedroom" [From the Late Show with David Letterman] ============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: _______ /______/"=, [ | "=, "=,, [-----+----"=,* ) (_---_____---_)/ (O) (O) Emiliano Identifying Cars Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number. "What kind of car was he driving?" he asked. "I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another." At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make. It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!" -<>- No Sleep An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" "That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!" -<>- >The Postman _____ _____ ,gdPPPPRb, ,dPPPPRbg, dP' `YdP' `Yb 8) `8' (8 Yb, " ,dP "8bggg gggd8" ,gdP"" ""Ybg, Getting Lucky! dP' a `Yb 8) ,8, (8 Yb, ,d8b ,dP "8baaaadP"8"Ybaaaad8" `"`"' 8 `"'"' 8 8 8 Normand 8 Veilleux It was Postman Pierre's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift check for $500. At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs. She later fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?" "Well," said the blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you". He said, "F" him. Give him five bucks." She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea." -<>- ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ Quitting! | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! Dear Mr. Baker, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however, I have a few parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time! Wishing you a grand and glorious day, Cecelia ===================================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: M ' ` | :|`-._ | :|`-._`-._ / ::\ `-._`-._ / ::\ `-(_) |_________| / / `-' / / / / / / / / ________________/ _&_______ /8P' `' Y888/ /P' ____________ Y8/ /' /\ / / / / . \ \ / / / / // \ \ / / / VK / // \ \___________/ / / /// \ \ __ / /8 `' \/ /_/ ./ /88b.____________________.8/ Responses If You Get Caught Sleeping on the Job "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to." "I was working smarter - not harder." "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper." "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!" "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance." "I was trying to remember where that difficult "Z" Key was, and now it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead." "I'm in the management training program." "I'm actually doing a 'Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan' (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend." "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!" "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?" "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..." "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot." "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!" "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!" "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands." "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot." "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day." -<>- _________ |~~ @| | ==== | Dear God | ==== | |_________|ldb A little boy needed $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to the President [no flames please!]. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $5.00. He thought $5.00 would be lot of money to the little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God, which read as follows: Dear God, Than you very much for sending the money. I noticed that You had to send it through Washington; as usual, those morons deducted $95.00. Thanks anyway! -<>- Children in Church A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five." º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." ?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen." ?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us." º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" ?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" ?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!" ?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot. ?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!" º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked." ?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø? A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes,1 sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?" -<>- _._ _.-*""*-._ _._ .' `*. .*' `. . .@*" ; : "*@. . ` ' .' `. ` ' /`..-' `-..'\ . . .*" "*. ' '\`*-._ _.-*'/` ` : ` \ :`*----*'; / ' ; . \ `-.__.-' / . `. `. .' .' [bug] `. `. .' .' `-. `*--*' .-' `*-.__.-*' I'll be happy when... We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire. The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with... and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting... Until your car or home is paid off. Until you get a new car or home. Until your kids leave the house. Until you go back to school. Until you finish school. Until you lose 10 lbs. Until you gain 10 lbs. Until you get married. Until you get a divorce. Until you have kids. Until you retire. Until summer.. Until spring. Until winter. Until fall. Until you die. There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And, dance like no one's watching. If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone special. I just did. ========================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Amazing Car Runs on AIR http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aircars.html The Mini TIGER http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html Taking A Catnap http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap.html >From TheMouth: WHAT ARE YOU? Quiz http://www.blogthings.com/whatsuperheroareyouquiz/ TOASTER GAME http://www.wheelhousecreative.co.uk/games/pages/toaster/index.php -<>- >From SiteReview: Money Around http://www.monkeyrivertown.com/monkify.php Historic Tale Construction Kit http://www.adgame-wonderland.de/type/bayeux.php -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: John w/ Talking Dogs At Heavens Gates (Cute & Funny Video) http://heavens-gates.com/talkingdogs/ ONE MAN'S PLAN FOR PEACE http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/PEACEPLAN.HTML A Tribute To Our Flag Via Prairie Lady http://home.comcast.net/~nw-fla/tribute_flag_B_thompson.htm Watering Eficiently http://www.american-lawns.com/lawns/watering.html Giant Catfish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giantcfish.html Fishing In Florida http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishing.html Friends Are For http://www.buffalosjokes.com/061502.htm From Metcafe http://www.buffalosjokes.com/061503.htm Funny George W Bush At His Best http://www.buffalosjokes.com/061504.htm Gag Video 48 http://www.buffalosjokes.com/061505.htm China Air http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22611.htm Conseguin http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22612.htm To Subscribe send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: I prefer to describe myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly word. A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: "Would I mind being destroyed financially by this person?" While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?" "No, I'm fine," I said, touched by her concern. "Oh, good," she continued. "So will you be vacating your parking space now?" "When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." --Bernard Bailey "Congratulations! You have a girl. Unless I cut the wrong cord." --Robin Williams as Dr. Kosevich in "Nine Months". "My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" -Adam Sandler "The whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I've got my life." --Jerry Seinfeld “Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.” --Mark Twain "People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters; they will not allow life's circumstances to push them down and hold them under." ~~Charles R. Swindoll >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ----------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ----------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************