Bad American And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Today's scorcher is from our friend PatDeE. It's a pretty good thought provoker! Check it out here... |\ ___ | ) / '-. ||.+ L (__ \ || '-.\ ___)a \__ \ || `-. /.__ J__//--. |J `-. |_ '-._ \ _.------. | L ` L__. _/`----.____ / b a (__c> |J \ __,-_____ __._>\__/ ( c " h\ L L \ ./--+///___)_.--' /\ -. \ d e f g / J J | \\__// `--(_.( `--.....-' | \ J )_ _,- \__ \ `--' L | L ` )-)_/ \_._..--''-..) J | | \ [_._._,.. _] | | | ,,' _/ ( __ | _ | J ,' \ _________ / \ \ | _______a:f____ | J_.L_.' \ / _\_/\ ( L | \ / _| / \_ F J J ( (_ L `-. / L \ \__. `. \__ \ / J ^ \ ) \____ \ / L .---.-)_ _/ ) \ /_ | ( `-' \__/. L__\_\ | `-.__.--.___) --- / (_/ J |_ ( .-' --- `---' Creation VS Coincidence http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/creationvscoincidence.html --- ...Love It! Thanks PatDeE! Biblically the word 'creation' means to make something out of nothing. So this conversation wouldn't even happen because mankind has never actually created any thing. ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: How Do YOU Eat An Oreo Cookie? _.:::::._ .:::'_|_':::. /::' --|-- '::\ Psychologists have discovered that the manner |:" .---"---. ':| in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great |: ( O R E O ) :| insight into their personalities. Choose which |:: `-------' ::| method best describes your favorite method of \:::.......:::/ eating Oreo's: jgs':::::::::::' `'"""'` 1. The whole thing all at once. 2. One bite at a time 3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards. 4. In little feverish nibbles. 5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...). 6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie. 7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie. 8. Just the cookie, not the inside. 9. I just like to lick them, not eat them. 10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo. Your Personality: 1. The whole thing... This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children. 2. One bite at a time... You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreo's this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's ok, not to worry, you're normal. 3. Slow and Methodical... You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit. 4. Feverish Nibbles... Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental break downs and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good. 5. Dunked... Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction. 6. Twisted apart, eat the inside, and then the cookie... You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior. 7. Twisted apart, eat the inside, and then toss the cookie... You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours. 8. Just the cookie, not the inside... You enjoy pain. 9. I just like to lick them, not eat them... Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help immediately. 10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies... You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. There's just no pleasing you. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 25 is Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt) February 26 is National Pistachio Day February 27 is International Polar Bear Day February 28 is Public Sleeping Day March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,_ | `""---..._____ '-...______ _````"""""""'`| \ ```` ``"---...__ | |` | ``! | | A | /\ /#\ /`--..______..-' | ### | / `\ /`--. | ### _| | .-;`-./;-. || ### / \ \ /\_| |_/\ //\ ##' | `-' \__/ _ \__/ | |`# \_, /_/ `\ / '. '.__.' .' jgs `-,____,-' /"""I""\ /`---'--'\ >After Graduation The summer after college graduation, I was living at home, fishing in the daytime, spending nights with my friends ... generally just hanging out. One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to college, stopped by. Concerned with how I was spending my time, he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to tie myself down to a career. "Well," he replied, "you better start thinking about it. You'll be thirty before you know it." "But I'm closer to twenty than to thirty," I protested. "I won't be thirty for eight more years." "I see," he said, smiling. "And when will you be 20 again?" -<>- >Case Closed Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence ... I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. -<>- >Elderly Romance Alex, a widower, went to a senior citizen‘s dance. There he met Ruth, a woman also advanced in years. Alex and Ruth danced every dance together. Afterward, they went out for coffee. As they walked home, Ruth said, "You remind me of my fourth husband." Alex said, "Really? How many times have you been married?" Ruth said, "Three." -<>- (*) (*) (__) ^ ^ (__) (oo) | | | @(oo)@ [..] | = | [..]@@ \ | U (-) | | | | (-) U @@@@ || ==<_\=====/_|______=_____|=|____________=__|____\====/_>== || || ) |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ( || ||___)==||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||==(___|| |\====| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |====/| | \ | | | | / | = * = = = = * = candlelight dinner cfbd >Kraft Dinner Before going off to a conference for work, a wife told her husband to give their kids Kraft Dinner for supper. When suppertime came, however, he didn't feel like cooking and instead took the kids out to a local fast-food restaurant. While they were eating he told them to tell their mother that they had Kraft Dinner for supper if she asked, or else Daddy would get into trouble. Later, at bedtime, the wife called to say goodnight to the kids and asked the five-year-old daughter what they had eaten for supper. "Kraft Dinner," was the reply. As the husband took a sigh of relief, she added brightly, "From Dairy Queen!" -<>- >Lost the Car When out shopping at her local supermarket, an elderly woman forgot where she'd parked. A nearby police officer, noticing her agitation, asked, "Is something wrong?" "I can't find my car," she explained. "What kind is it?" he inquired sympathetically. The old lady gave him a quizzical look. "Name some." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend louiseA :) >Smiles: [t][v][p][1] _.-`''`-._ ,` `. __________________________ | ,._-'''-. | | Ogladalnosc Serialu | | |,-. ,-.| | | "Plebania" wynosi 0,03% | |/' `-| < i nadal zajebiscie rosnie!| \ (_) / `--------------------------' \ ____ / \ `--` / _.--`/'|`-..-'|\''''`-. ,-' / |`._,' / \ \ | / \,/``\/ \ | \ | | '> |\,/| <' ,' \ | `/^)\ |/`\| / / \ / / / \ | | / | \ / / ,``, \ \ / / | \ ' | | \ \ / / |\_ \ / ,| _.' \ | | |__...-'` | \ / / `. | |````` | \ | / ,`') | |\ | | ,` ,/\ | _,:''`, | ---\,,.-'`---------| _/ ,` , \ ,'--gan---------- |_.------''/ /; ,` |/ `' ```''' I once taught a junior-high reading skills program. Each day my students received a page of the newspaper, and we discussed the news, ads and photos. I encouraged them to share an item I would find interesting. One student, a shy guy seldom joined the conversation, but he read his pages diligently. One day I asked him what he had found. He said, "Did you know that all these people, every day die in alphabetical order?" --------- One morning, the nurse in the retirement home was helping a gentleman who was particularly hard to awaken and start moving, get ready for breakfast. As she coaxed and pulled at him to sit up, he fixed his twinkling blue eyes on her and said, "My, you're pretty! Have I asked you to marry me yet?" "No you haven't," she replied. "Good," he said, "because I couldn't put up with this crap every morning!" ---------- Dear Dog, I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint... Things here at the house are calmer now, and Just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me. Best regards, The Cat -------- "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient who wanted to loose weight without exercising. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time...." --------- Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!" -------- My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?" "At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked. She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!" --------- During his recent golfing vacation, Obama sliced off the tee on every hole. He asked his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replied: "Aye, there's a piece of crap on the end of yer driver." Obama picked up his driver and cleaned the club face, at which point the caddy said: "Nae, the other end." ---------- At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Boston, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a yearlong research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away?" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend NancyF :) ___ ___ _____/___\_____ __|___|__ """"("-_-")"""" ( o_o ) ~ /\_)=o~/ _\~-~/_ _ _~ / /\\\///\ ~ / \/|\/ \/\(|_| \__|\\//\ \ ~ / |. .|\_/ __________|//\\/_/___~______\_\_____|_____ _______ |_|) _______ \_____/ \_____/ jro A man is standing in a pub, nursing a drink and feeling very hard up and poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of $50 bills out of his wallet. He turns to the rich man and says to him, "I have an amazing talent: I know almost every song that has ever existed." The rich man laughs. The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it." The rich man laughs again and says, "OK how about my daughter’s name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller." The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich. What song did he sing? . . . . . . . . . . Have you guessed? . . . Here's The ANSWER He sang the song "Happy Birthday." This song can be sung with anyone's name in it. --- ...Oh Yeah! Thanks NancyF! ====================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) ______________________________ / \ _____________ / "...check. Groin protector - \ ____________ |\ check. Shin guards - check... / || \__ __________________________/ || / / _||__/ / (______/ || _ || [.] ___________________________ || / My gosh, she's completely \ || | flipped her lid." / || _____ \ ________________________/ ___|| / \/_ / / |\__|| //\__(\_\ / / || ||| |\ ~~ ~~| |_/ ________||_||| /|_O \O_ \ \_\ \_\||_||| \_ (_) / \_\_\_\_\_\_||__ \ o / _______________jro____ ______________ __/\ ~ /\__ _____________ _____________ / \ \ / / \ ____________\ / \/\/\/ \ |__ / . | \ \ \ / /| . | \ | \__\ / | | \ \ | | | >The New Husband shop A shop that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester, where a woman can go and buy a husband. At the entrance is a description of how the shop operates: You may visit this shop ONCE ONLY! There are six floors and the cost of the products increases as you go up. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So, a woman decides to go to the Husband Shop to have a look for a husband. On the first floor the notice at the entrance reads: Floor 1 - These men all Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor notice reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the notice reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework... 'Oh, mercy!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it! How do I make a decision?' Still, she goes on up to the fifth floor and the notice reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is strongly tempted to stop there, but curiosity overcomes here and she goes on to the sixth floor, where the notice reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor no. 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for visiting the Husband Shop. IMPORTANT NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. --- ..HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: As senator Barry Goldwater famously stated about the Civil Rights Act of 1964, "You can't legislate morality." Well, it seems like you can't outlaw stupidity, either. Take the case of a Florida man and gun owner named JJ Sandy. He had a friend, Aalaya Walker, visiting him at his home in St. Petersburg and late one night Aalaya thought it would be a good idea to heat up the stove and make some waffles. And who hasn't had a late night snack attack before? The problem is that Aalaya didn't realize how stupid her friend Sandy is. It seems Sandy had stored a loaded magazine from his .45-caliber Glock pistol in the oven, because what makes a better ammunition dump than an oven? Believe it or not, the bullets started exploding, spraying casing fragments at high speed and striking Aalaya. Sandy told police he'd stored the gun in a drawer but had stored the magazine in the oven. Four rounds were in the 13-capacity magazine, he said. Gun and ammunition references indicate that the .45-caliber bullets commonly used in Glocks can explode at temperatures as low as 280 degrees. Sandy wasn't charged because he had a proper concealed weapons permit, which just goes to show how stupid a person can be and still get a concealed weapons permit. *-- Missing boy found under beanbag chair --* PENLAN, Wales - A 5-year-old Welsh boy whose disappearance sparked a massive police search turned out to be napping under a bean bag chair, his parents said. Andrew Lorey, 29, and Samantha Thomas, 28, of Penlan, Wales, said their son, Jenson Lorey, vanished from the family's living room Monday night while his father was in the kitchen and his mother was at the gym, walesonline.co.uk reported Thursday. "I started screaming and running around the street," Thomas told the South Wales Evening Post. "I thought the worst had happened." "We had 12 police officers out looking for him, police dogs and the helicopter," Andrew Lorey said. "They searched the attic, they searched everywhere. Everyone who knew me was out looking but even people who didn't know me were looking too. It was just incredible -- the support we had was phenomenal." After more than an hour of searching, the couple's daughter, Sienna, 6, discovered her brother sleeping beneath a beanbag chair in the living room, The Mirror reported. Thomas said the beanbag had been moved several times during the search, so the boy could not have been under it the entire time. "All we know is he was sleeping soundly when we found him," she said. *-- Man accused of spanking attack --* WAYNESVILLE, Ohio - An Ohio man once named his city's Citizen of the Year is accused of spanking a 29-year- old tenant during a dispute about overdue rent. Ron Kronenberger, 53, owner of the Hometown Marketplace in Waynesville and Waynesville's Citizen of the Year in 2006, was charged with assault for allegedly exposing the 29-year-old man's bare buttocks in his office at the store and striking him four times with a belt Jan. 22, the Dayton (Ohio) Daily News reported Thursday. "If you're going to act like a child, I'm going to treat you like one," Kronenberger allegedly said prior to the attack. The alleged victim told Police Chief Gary Copeland "he was scared and just wanted to get it over with," the police report said. "At this point, chief left to attempt to make contact with Ron Kronenberger about the incident, in which Ron admits whipping [the victim] due to late rent payment in the amount of $2,800," the report said. Kronenberger was scheduled to be arraigned Thursday. *-- 'Amorous' couple crash into house in car --* DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. - The Florida Highway Patrol said a driver lost control of her car while getting "amorous" with her boyfriend and crashed the vehicle through a vacant house. Patrol spokeswoman Kim Montes said Asia Walker, 30, was at the wheel Friday when her car hit the house in Daytona Beach, WESH-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported Monday. Walker was injured by falling debris and taken to Halifax Medical Center to be checked out; her boyfriend, Charles Phillips, was not hurt, the spokeswoman said. "She told the investigating trooper that her and the boyfriend were getting a little amorous and the trooper suspects that's probably why she lost control of the vehicle," Montes said. Police said the vehicle went all the way through the unoccupied house, causing major damage. Walker was charged with careless driving. *-- Man ordered to demolish castle --* REDHILL, England - A British farmer who used haystacks to conceal construction of a castle on his property has been ordered to tear down the structure. Robert Fidler, 63, was ordered by the Planning Inspectorate to demolish Redhill, England, castle at the end of a six-year planning battle, The Sun reported Monday. Fidler concealed the castle, which includes ramparts and canons, behind a 40-foot stack of hay bales and tarpaulin for four years in an attempt to circumvent planning rules using a rule stating property built without permission but unchallenged for four years could not be "enforced against." However, the Reigate & Banstead Council said in 2007 Fidler's castle would not be granted retroactive planning permission because he "set out deliberately to deceive" the council. "His actions in constructing the dwelling house behind a wall of straw bales, and then living in the building for over four years before the bales were removed, was intended to conceal the building and its use from the council's knowledge and thus prevent any enforcement action being taken before it was too late," Inspector Sara Morgan wrote in the council's report. Fidler previously said he would take the battle to the European Court of Human Rights, if necessary. "This house will never be knocked down. This is a beautiful house that has been lovingly created. I will do whatever it takes to keep it," Fidler said. ========================================================= ___ ( ) ~=====~ ^ ^ e e | (A portrait of Stan Laurel, symbol of fun) - \_/ >-->From CleanLaffs: After I applied for jobs at both a library and a shoe store, my husband said he hoped that I'd get the one at the store. "It would be nice to have employee discounts on shoes," he explained. Then, without thinking, he added, "Of course, if you get the job at the library, we'll get free books." -<>- Trying to do my share for the environment, I set up a trash basket at my church and posted above it this suggestion: "Empty water bottles here." I should have been a little more specific, because when I went to check it later, I didn't find any bottles in it. But it was full of water. -<>- A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor. I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!" -<>- I was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space. Nothing. Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me. "Going out?" I called to them hopefully. "No," said the man. "Just friends." -<>- A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone. Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room. "How did you do?" asked the bride. The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars." -<>- A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray. "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and dis- appeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!" -<>- Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. "Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked. "I am real," I said. "Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?" -<>- Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. "I can't get over how loud they are," my wife said. "Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour," I pointed out. Her reply left me speechless. "There's no way bugs can fly that fast!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) >Smiles: ,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___ ((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __ () \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|-- ((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt Top Reasons for Being a Tenor: -Tenors get high without drugs. -Name a musical where the bass got the girl.. -You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung. -Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 foor a ticket to see The Three Basses? -Who needs brains when you've got resonance?? -Tenors never have to waste time looking thrrough the self- improvement section of the bookstore. -When you get really good at falsetto, you ccan make tons of money doing voice-over's for cartoon characters. -Gregorian chant was practically invented foor tenors. Nobody invented a genre for basses. ,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___ ((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __ () \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|-- ((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt Top Reasons for Being a Bass: -You don't have to tighten your shorts to reeach your note. -You don't have to worry about a woman stealling your job. -Or a pre adolescent boy. -Action heroes are always basses. That is, iif they ever sang, they would sing bass. -You get great memorable lyrics like bop, boop, bop, bop (boong ching ... boong chi-ching). -If the singing job doesn't work out, there''s always broadcasting. -You never need to learn to read the treble clef. -It doesn't matter much if you get a cold. -For fun, you can sing at the bottom of yourr range and fool people into thinking there's an earthquake. -If you burp while you're singing, the audieence just thinks it's part of the score. ,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___ ((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __ () \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|-- ((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano: -The rest of the choir exists just to make yyou look good. -Can you name an opera where an alto got thee man? -When sopranos sing in the shower, they knoww the tune. -You are never going to sing the alto part bby accident. -Great costumes: like the hat with the hornss on it. -How many world famous altos can you name? -When the fat lady sings, she's usually singging soprano. -When you get tired of the tune, you can sinng the descant. ,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___ ((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __ () \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|-- ((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto: -You get really good at singing E flat. -You get to sing the same note for 12 conseccutive measures. (tang ... tang ... tang ...) -No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive baars of E flat. -If the choir really stinks, it's unlikely tthe altos will be blamed. -You have lots of time to chat during sopranno solos. -You get to pretend that you are better thann the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don't have to learn to read music. -You can sometimes find part time work singiing tenor. -Altos get all the great intervals. -When the sopranos are holding some outrageoously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words. -When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurrt. ----- A man went into his doctor's office and said, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. The next night I dreamed I was an Alpha Romeo. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?" "Relax," the doctor replied. "You're just having an auto-body experience." ----- "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "Breakfast will be ready." "Good! What are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband. "Toast and juice," she replied. ----- Tap on the Shoulder A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford Station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly." The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years." --- ...LOL! Thanks Bunni! -<>- -------|--------------------------------------------------|--------- ___|___ ___|___ ////////\ _ _ /\\\\\\\\ //////// \ ('< >') / \\\\\\\\ | (_) | | (^) (^) | | (_) | |______|.===="== =="====.|______| ----------------------------------------------------------------ldb-- >For Bird Lovers - Bird Feeder Suet Facts, Feeders & Recipes Suet is raw beef fat from around the kidneys and loins. Suet is one of the best foods to attract nuthatches, woodpeckers, wrens, titmice, creepers, kinglets, chickadees, thrashers, cardinals and even bluebirds and unfortunately the starlings and squirrels! To discourage the starlings, purchase a suet feeder cage that is covered on all sides but the bottom. Only those birds that can hang upside down will use this feeder. If the temperature outside is around 70 degrees Fahrenheit and warmer, beef fat can turn rancid and melt. There are many commercial suet cakes that can be purchased and some of these are called "no melt", "berry" and "insect" cakes. How to Render Suet: You can trim excess fat off beef cuts and store in the freezer until enough fat is achieved or you can purchase beef fat from the grocery store or your nearby butcher. Most butchers (including butchers at supermarkets)will give trimmed fat away. 1.. Grind the beef fat with a meat grinder or finely chop the fat. 2.. Heat the fat over a low to medium flame until its liquefied. 3.. Strain by pouring melted suet through a fine cheesecloth. 4.. Let cool to harden. 5.. Repeat steps 2-3. If the fat is not rendered twice, the suet will not cake properly. 6.. Let cool to harden and store in a covered container in the freezer. Household Items that can be used to pour suet in: a.. Baker's Tin Foil Bake Cups b.. When you purchase a suet cake, reuse the container that it came in c.. When suet cools, roll in balls d.. Make a holding cell from heavy duty aluminum foil e.. Small bread loaf pans lined with plastic wrap or foil for easy removal. f.. Margarine containers g.. Any size baking/pie pans (when suet cools, cut into squares) h.. Pine Cones i.. And, of course, our own "Nuthatch Suet Eggs"! Nuthatch Suet Eggs We use the "Jell-O Egg Jigglers" mold for some fun. These molds are given away at grocery stores during the Easter Holidays. For a picture of the molds and/or ordering information, visit Kraft Foods 1.. Make suet using any one of the suet recipes listed below. 2.. Cut twine or heavy string into 12" lengths (optional). (see Note 2 below) 3.. Using a paper towel dipped in vegetable oil, lightly wipe inside of both sides of the mold and along the rims. 4.. Close the mold, matching up the rims of the egg halves until you hear the firm snap. 5.. Insert the string in the top hole (optional) and pour the suet mixture through a funnel. 6.. Refrigerate or freeze. 7.. To pry open the Jell-O Egg Jigglers Mold, open the mold using a dull flat knife (butter knife) between each egg. Do not open mold by pulling the handles apart. Shake gently to unmold eggs. Note: 1.. If you don't want to use the twine/heavy string, just pour suet in molds Place eggs in a nylon mesh onion bag and hang anywhere in your backyard! 2.. If the twine will be used, you can tie the eggs together and hang from a tree branch. The twine should not be more than 12" in length. If you want to tie the eggs around a tree trunk, use longer lengths of twine. Suet Feeders: There are a variety of suet feeders that can be purchased or made. The popular commercially available suet feeder is a wire cage that holds one cake of suet. Some bird feeders have a hopper for seeds and suet cages on the sides of the hopper. Easy-to-Make Suet Feeder: We are providing you with instructions on how to make a very simple Suet Log Feeder. We use these every winter and have had great success. The birds that visit this feeder are: Common Flicker, Red-breasted Nuthatches, Carolina Wrens, Chickadees, Tufted Titmice, Downy Woodpeckers, Hairy Woodpeckers, White-breasted Nuthatches and unfortunately the starlings! Please send us email at birdnature@birdnature.com if you have built this feeder and if it was successful. a.. Attaching wire mesh to a tree trunk or suspending it from a branch. b.. Hanging a nylon mesh onion bag from a tree branch. c.. A log feeder. d.. Simply smearing soft suet mixtures on tree trunks. e.. Smeared suet on pine cones. Suet Recipes: Birder's Delight 1 Pound Suet cut in small pieces 1 Cup Yellow Cornmeal 1 Cup Rolled Oats 1 Cup Chunky Peanut Butter 1 Cup Mixed Wild Bird Seed 1 Cup Hulled Sunflower Seed or Chopped Pecans Preparation: 1.. Melt suet over low flame. 2.. Stir in ingredients. 3.. Pour or pack into molds, feeders, or any household item. 4.. Refrigerate until hardened or freeze. Feathered Friends 1 Cup Chunky Peanut Butter 2 Cups Cornmeal 2 Cups Quick Cook Oats 1 Cup Lard or Suet 1/3 Cup Sugar 1 Cup White Flour Preparation: 1.. Melt lard/suet and peanut butter together and stir. 2.. Stir the remaining ingredients. 3.. Pour the mixture into a square container about 1-1/2 inches thick. 4.. Allow it to cool, then cut it into squares and store in the freezer. It Must be Love 1/2 Pound Fresh Suet 1/3 Cup Black Oil Sunflower Seed 2/3 Cup Mixed Wild Bird Seed 1/8 Cup Chopped Peanuts or Chopped Pecans 1/4 Cup Raisins Preparation: 1.. Follow instructions for rendering suet. 2.. While suet is cooling, stir ingredients together in a large bowl. 3.. Place the suet into the mixture and mix thoroughly. 4.. Pour or pack into molds, feeders, or any household item. 5.. Refrigerate until hardened or freeze. Peanut Butter Sandwich 1 Cup Fresh Suet 1 Cup Peanut Butter 3 Cups Yellow Cornmeal 1/2 Cup Whole Wheat Flour Preparation: 1.. Follow instructions for rendering suet. 2.. Over low heat, melt suet and add peanut butter. Stir until well blended. 3.. Mix ingredients together in a large bowl. 4.. Pour suet into the bowl mixture and mix thoroughly. 5.. Pour or pack into molds, feeders, or any household item. 6.. Refrigerate until hardened or freeze. --- ...Excellent! Thanks Bunni! ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >FEELING LIKE A WOMAN On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable!" "Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman, in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He is gorgeous, tall, built, with long, flowing black hair, and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...........one button at a time. ........No one moves. ...............He removes his shirt. ...................Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman...... ............and whispers: .............."Iron this." -<>- >^YOUR UNCLE EZRA^ Once in a corner near the fireplace, Uncle Ezra had been working industriously with a stub pencil and a piece of paper. Suddenly he looked up and smiled. He exclaimed, "Doggoned it Maw, I done learned to write." Maw got up and looked over his shoulder at the lines scrawled across the paper. What does it say? Uncle Ezra said, "I don't know, I ain't learned to read yet." -<>- >HORRIBLE DREAM "Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me. Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden, five gorgeous women rush in and start tearing off my clothes." The psychiatrist nodded, "And, what do you do?" "I push them away!" "I see. And, what can I do to help you with this?" The patient implored, "Please, break my arms!" -<>- , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. >Police Quotes "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "Just how big were those two beers? "In God we trust, all others are suspects." -<>- >ECHOES Friend of mine named Dan hates to lose at golf. He was in a foursome when his ball landed in a sand trap. Hidden from view, the rest of us could hear him as he hacked away at the ball. When he finally drove it out, and rejoined us, I asked him how many strokes that was. "Three." he replied. "Oh come on !" said another member of the group. "I heard six." "Three..." replied Dan "were echoes." Dedicated to Bill Wear, Jr., who is both a lawyer and a golfer. -<>- >Company (Anti) Motivation Posters 1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. 2. It's only unethical if you get caught. 3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 4. We put the "k" in "kwality" 5. If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing. 6. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity! 7. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. 8. ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE. 9. We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members! 10. 2 days without a Human Rights Violation! 11. Your job is still better than asking "You want fries with that?" 12. If at first you don't succeed, try management. 13. At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens. 14. Never quit until you have another job. -<>- ,--, |__ _ ___/ /\| :__|_|__/ __ ;( )__, ) /-\|__/-\_/ ; // '--; \'/ \'/ \ | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >Amish Virus You have just received the Amish Virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system. Please delete all of your files. Thank thee. -<>- >UNEMPLOYMENT Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "panty" I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. Sven was asked his occupation, "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave him $600 a week. When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back to the office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting twice his pay. The clerk explained: Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor. "What skill?" yelled Ole. I sew on the elastic on the panties, Sven pulls them over his head and says "Yah, diesel fitter." -<>- >WISH YOU ENOUGH* Recently at an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you, I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed, I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied, "forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked. "I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back for her would be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough. May I ask what that means?" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory. I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye." Tears filled his eyes and he walked away. My friend, I wish you enough..... -<>- >Track Record Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!" "Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog." -<>- >Scary Sounds This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears the whistle, "Whooee Whoee!" but doesn't know what it is. Predictably, he's hit -- but only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened, and asks the man from the desert, "Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?" The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small!" Hockey One afternoon, two women were sitting at a bar discussing their love lives. One woman looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think that the best way to end an argument is to make love." "Well," said the other woman," that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!" -<>- ># White Collar Crime # The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug. "Don't worry," the gruff looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white collar crime too." "Well, that's a relief." sighed the stockbroker. "I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading." "Oh nothing fancy like that for me." grinned the convict. "I just killed a couple of Priests." -<>- ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: >[2001] I'm A Bad American... I'm a Bad American - this pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might. I think I'm doing better than the homeless. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others' expectations. I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it. I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to. I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word "is"-ever. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or any thing else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks. I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to. I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box. I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package. Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said -- now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble. I don't hate the rich. I help the poor. I know wrestling is fake. I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots -- and remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too -- it was wrong for every one of them. I believe a self-righteous liberal Democrat with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude. I want to know exactly which church is it where the "Reverend" Jessie Jackson preaches; and, what exactly is his job function. I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you. I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad. You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being than I do as a white male. If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have. I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child - it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so. I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller. I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid. I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise. Yes, I guess by some people's definition, I may be a bad American. But that's tough. --- ...NOTE: I looked this one up... See TruthOrFiction comments http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/b/badamerican.htm#.USvrGpGceHV ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Animal Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html Fun With Snow In Russia http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russia.html Wave Frozen In Time http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wave.html Odin The White Tiger http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html Thailand's Tigers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger.html Hippo And Tortoise http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hippo.html Maxine On Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html Niagara Falls Frozen http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/niagarafalls.html The Wild Ones http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildones.html World Of Big Cats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) If you know anyone who uses the Salt substitute - No Salt - suggest they stop. This is scary. No Salt http://tinyurl.com/b8ret6s --- ...Sure is! Thanks Bunni! I use a salt substitute - not no-salt. It just uses spices like onion powder and curry powder. Yummy! We don't miss the salt. Why everyone should have a dog http://faltu.tv/why-everyone-should-have-a-dog-funny-video-compilation/ --- ...LOL! Thanks Bunni! A boy and his dog http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/boy_dog.html --- ...Aww, so adorable! Thanks Bunni! Muffin and Scone Recipes http://www.nancyskitchen.com/muffin-recipes/ Ham Recipes http://www.nancyskitchen.com/ham-recipes.htm Recipes Using Lemon http://www.nancyskitchen.com/lemon-information-and-easy-recipes.htm --- ...There's just tons of recipes on the web! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Some have died since this was assembled. Beautiful Women http://www.greatdanepro.com/Beautiful%20Women/index.htm --- ...Nice! Thanks PatDeE! HOW THE UN HANDLES BEDBUGS http://dotsub.com/media/b5ee5ada-5b37-4b0b-9916-e0896337ec4b/e/m --- ...He's Pulling no punches here! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) 50 beautiful woman - morphed http://tinyurl.com/ajkjocj --- ...Wow, pretty cool! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study found that students who use Facebook while studying have 20 percent lower grades than students who focus. When kids who use Facebook heard that they were like, '20 percent? Big deal. What's that, like 10 percent?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together." -Jay Leno "A 100-year-old woman has revealed that her secret to staying sharp is playing a Nintendo D.S. Sadly, no one has the heart to tell her that's the garage door opener." -Conan O'Brien "Students at Pottstown Middle School are now not allowed to wear Uggs, because students were hiding cell phones in them. Next week, the plan is to ban pockets." -Jimmy Kimmel "A town in Austria opened a new museum dedicated to failed inventions. Or as Microsoft reported it, 'Hey! Someone just ordered a Zune!'" -Jimmy Fallon "A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial." -Jimmy Fallon "The agriculture department says we now have the smallest cattle population in 60 years. That shows you how fat we're getting. We're close to putting cows on the endangered species list." -Jay Leno "The FDA -- the Food and Drug Administration -- has set up a new procedure by which new drugs will be tested and approved in four years. It's called college." --Craig Ferguson "A student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison spent 90 days technology free. He went without a cell phone, Facebook, Twitter, or any social media of any kind. And you know what really improved? His driving!" -Jay Leno "A law enforcement agency in Florida revealed that it paid 15 employees to get drunk to see if its breathalyzer tests worked. In related news, it looks like I'm gettin' a second job!" -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************