Bald, Free And More.... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This new sizzler comes from our friend LouiseA. It is sure to give you some smiles for your day! Check it out here... _....._ .\:\:/:/. /=\_.@._/=\ /==/ _ _ \==\ /==( - )==\ |===\ = /===| \====|-V-|====/ \===| |===/ jgs |==| |==| '=.| |.=' Witty Comebacks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comebacks.html --- ...Oh My! LOL! These are priceless! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Fasten Your Seat Belts And Assume Crash Position Flight seven-oh-niner has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water". "Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified. "Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs". "And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady. "Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much". __ o /' ) /' ( , __/' ) .' `; o _.-~~~~' ``---..__ .' ; _.--' b) ``--...____.' .' ( _. )). `-._ < `vvvvvvv-)-.....___.- `-. __...--'-.'. `^^^^^'-------.....`-.___.'----... .' `.; jgs `-` ~~~ ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 6 is Mad Hatter Day October 7 is Bald and Free Day October 8 is American Touch Tag Day October 9 is Curious Events Day and Moldy Cheese Day October 10 National Angel Food Cake Day and World Egg Day October 11 is It's My Party Day and Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day October 12 is Old Farmer's Day and Moment of Frustration Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,==. / 66\ \c -_) `) ( / \ |~~~ / \ \ | (( /\ \_ |~~~ \\ \ `--`| / / / |~~~ jgs_______ (_(___)_| >Attention to Detail At the U.S. Navy Flight School in Pensacola, Florida, we had "attention to detail" hammered into our heads. One instructor in particular preached this virtue. As we walked out to check an airplane, he told me my reputation as an aviator would depend on my "attention to detail." First he showed me how to identify our plane; then he conducted a meticulous preflight scrutiny, inspecting every nook and cranny. Just as he finished and we were strapping in, another instructor with a student in tow walked up to us. "Fellas," he said, "that was very nice of you to preflight our aircraft. Your plane is in the next flight line." -<>- >Bedside Manner The doctor was making her rounds and walked into the semi-private room in the hospital to examine old Mrs. Williams. After the exam, in her best professional voice, she said smoothly, "You are coughing much more easily this morning." "I should," snapped the patient, "I've been practicing all night." -<>- >Math Review A Mom was helping her son review his math while her daughter was in the kitchen. "You have seven dollars and seven friends," she said. "You give a dollar to two of them but none to the others. What do you have left?" From the kitchen her daughter called, "Two friends." -<>- >Monosyllabic My 15-year-old son asked me to drive him to his friend's house. Once we were in the car and several minutes had passed in silence, I attempted to open the lines of communication. "Did you have a nice day at school?" "Yep." "Any homework to do?" "Nope." "You got your hair cut" "Yep." "This is a monosyllabic conversation isn't it?" "Yep." "You do know what monosyllabic means?" "Yep." "Well, tell me." Aha, I thought, now he has to give me a dictionary explanation. With a mischievous grin and a sly look at me, he replied, "One." -<>- >Snowmobile My cousin, Chuck, worked at a snowmobile dealership. One day Chuck asked a customer if he needed help. The man said he wanted a certain kind of snowmobile and that it had to be yellow. Chuck had the right make, but not in yellow. "It has to be yellow," the customer insisted. Curious, Chuck asked why. "Because," the man replied, "I've been buying a new snowmobile every year -- and my wife hasn't noticed yet!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ssSSss SSS`SSSS S|e e SSS SS\_-__SSS SS.-\_/SSS / \ /\/| |\/\ / / |__,|/ / /|| / /|| / \ `-._____.-' | | | jgs |-|-| .-` / \ '---\_/ >Smiles A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl insisted that it was possible -- because, after all, Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not possibly swallow a human, its throat was just too small. The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?" The little girl replied, "Then YOU can ask him." -------- A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for that wall!" -------- A guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer afternoon. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for dinner. The wife was quite irritated about his sitting in the air-conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about dinner right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself." So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine??" "Huh? You said you were out of town." ------- A blonde goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at the blonde and asks, "Are you Polish?" The blonde, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for Westphalian ham, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well . . . no." "And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" "Well, I probably wouldn't." With deep self-righteous indignation, the blonde asks, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot." -------- A couple, famous among their friends and family for never having a single argument, was celebrating their Silver Anniversary. They threw a party and invited all of their friends to celebrate with them. During the party someone asked about their secret to a peaceful marriage. Recalling their honeymoon, the husband started: "We went to Scotland for honeymoon after our wedding. One day there, we went for a horseback riding trip. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making her topple over. "Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said, 'This is your first time.' She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. "After awhile, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said, 'This is your second time,' and continued. "When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead!! Shocked, I shouted: 'What did you do, you psycho! You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?' "She gave me a cold look and said: 'This is your first time!!!' -- and we have been happy ever after." ------- A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes: "Use more soap on panties!" She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: "Use more soap on panties!" The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him. It read: "Use plenty soap on panties! You use more paper on bottom!" -------- A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a 'period'," he replied. "I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a 'period'?" "Darned if I know," said the boy, "but yesterday my sister was missing one, Mom fainted, Dad had a heart attack and the boy next door joined the Navy." -------- A couple moves into their new house. One day the man comes home from work and his woman says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" "What do I look like, a plumber?" Asks the man, and goes to sleep. A few days later, his woman once again turns to her man and says, "honey, my car doesn't start, I think it may need a new battery, could you change it for me?" "What do I look like, a mechanic?" asks the man with a frown. A week goes by, and the woman once again turns to her man and says, "Dear, the roof is leaking, could you do something about it?" "What do I look like, a roofer?" asks the man. "Take care of these things yourself!" He then leaves home for a week on a business trip. "When I come back," he says to his woman, "I'd like all these things taken care of." He comes back a week later and is astonished to discover the roof is fixed, the car is running and the pipes are brand new. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls at her. "Nothing at all." she said. "The neighbor popped in and turns out he's a handyman, he said he'd fix the whole thing if I just bake him a cake, or sleep with him." "Wow," said the man. "What kind of cake did you make him?" "What do I look like," exclaims the woman, "a baker?" --- ...TeeHee! A sweet Touche'! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) |`-._ .-' `-.-;"\. .--------------------------------..-.. _ .-'\ | /o\ | \\\ |\ ________________________________\\ \\\/ \\ | | ///\ | | __ __ _ __ __ _ __ __ __ ||-||| '. \/ //////| | | |__|__/_\ |__|__|_| |__|__|__| || ||| ///////| | | |__|__)__) |__|_| __.--|__| ||_||| . ////////| | | |__|__|_/ |__|__ _ |__|--'__ | . || \'..'///////// | | |__| |__|__|_| |__|__|__| |( )|| `--`///////; \| | ' ||---. ,,,//////////// jgs'---------------------------------'---' `.//////////////' ```=///////=' Father's Day was near when I brought my five-year-old son, Vince, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one. When I looked back, Vince was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way. I asked. "Have you found a nice card for Daddy yet?" "No," he replied. "I'm looking for one with money in it." -<>- A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three -year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!" -<>- THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN. THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE 5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS. 1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? 2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be? 3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away? 4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday? 5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching! THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW: .. . . . . . . . . . . Ummmm ... Did not do well with this test....... 1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right? 2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung). 3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing. 4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow! 5. The letter "e" which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph. I'll be getting Alzheimer's any time now. How did you do? --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Gh0striders :) .-=-. /.-=-.\ ||_____|| ||. .|| || || / |\_-_/| \ / |=====| \ | |\_._/| | jgs `--.| T |.--' >Sister Barbara Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1!" --- ...LOL! Thanks gh0striders! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: While there are many grand and wonderful things about the New World; breath-taking vistas and bountiful resources, the one thing you will not find here are caches of ancient Roman coins buried in the ground. Not like in Great Britain. An amateur treasure hunter found the biggest ever haul of 4th century Roman coins in East Devon, England. Over 20,000. Laurence Egerton, a semiretired builder, took up metal detecting seven years ago. But last November he turned up two unusual coins the size of a thumbnail close to the previously excavated site of a Roman villa. His continued to dig after his metal detector indicated there was more iron in the ground. That's when Mr. Egerton found his treasure. "The next shovel was full of coins - they just spilt out over the field," he said. "Between finding the hoard and the archaeologists excavating the site, I slept in my car alongside it for three nights to guard it," Egerton told English newspaper, The Telegraph. Although the coins represented only a few months' wages for a Roman soldier in 260 A.D., historians say they are now worth tens of thousands of dollars. Not a bad payday for an afternoon walk out in the country. -<>- A Halloween horror came early for some amusement park goers in England when a roller coaster hit a deer and covered the passengers in blood. A spokeswoman for the Lightwater Valley theme park near Ripon, England, confirmed the deer wandered onto the track of The Ultimate, billed as Europe's longest roller coaster, and was struck by the car. "We can confirm a young deer did unfortunately get hit by the Ultimate train yesterday and was killed instantly," the spokeswoman said. "There is a large perimeter fence surrounding the theme park but occasionally wild animals do manage to stray onto the park during the night." The roller coaster was closed for 30 minutes before resuming normal operations. Reports indicate passengers were sprayed with the animal's blood, but there were no human injuries from the crash. A deer previously wandered onto The Ultimate's tracks in 1994 and was struck by a car, resulting in the hospitalization of a 12-year-old boy. *-- 9-pound hairball removed from teenager's stomach --* BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan (UPI) - Doctors in Bishkek removed a nine-pound hairball from the stomach of 18-year-old Ayperi Alekseeva after she could no longer eat or drink. The ball developed over years as the woman chewed the ends of her hair and ate hair off the floor. "Her stomach was so badly swollen from hair and bits of wool from the carpet that it literally just oozed out soon as the wall of the stomach was cut," Senior professor of surgery at Bishkek hospital Bahadir Bebezov told The Daily Mail. Aside from the hair eating compulsion that caused her to become malnourished, Alekseeva was completely healthy. The compulsion to eat human hair is called Trichophagia, which can result in the development of Rapunzel syndrome, a condition where the ball develops a "tail" that clogs the lower intestine. Alekseeva is recovering and promises to refrain from chewing her hair in the future. *-- N.Z. woman says home, car covered in human feces --* AUCKLAND, New Zealand (UPI) - A New Zealand woman said she awoke recently to discover her home and car had been covered in what she believes to be human feces from an airplane. Karen Bass of Auckland said she awoke Sunday to discover there were splotches of brown matter all over her house and her silver car, which she believes to be human waste dropped from an airplane. Bass said her home is directly in the flight path for planes coming into Auckland International Airport. "The first thing when I walked out of my door this morning and I saw it, I thought an airplane [expletive] on us. You open the door and it smells like [expletive]," she told the New Zealand Herald. "I'm absolutely disgusted at the moment. The amount of crap everywhere is horrendous," she said. Bass said she is going to have a sample of feces independently tested to verify it came from humans. "There's no way it's a bird or animal poo, it's horrible. I'm sure it's human, what else could it be with huge clumps like that?" she said. An Airways New Zealand spokeswoman suggested Bass complain directly to the offending airline, but the homeowner said she would not know which airline to address as she did not see the plane. *-- British chef serves 8,000-calorie 'Hibernator' breakfast --* CONGLETON, England (UPI) - A British cafe is testing the limits of good taste in the the morning with "The Hibernator," a breakfast dish packing a whopping 8,000 calories. Mark Winder, owner of the Bear Grills cafe in Congleton, England, said that only 20 customers have so far attempted to take on "The Hibernator," which weighs 7 pounds and amounts to nearly four times the daily recommended caloric intake for an adult man. Winder said no one has yet succeeded in finishing the dish, which he requires diners to sign waivers before attacking. "It's called 'The Hibernator' because if anyone completes it, they'll have to sleep for a year," Winder said. The breakfast includes four fried eggs, four strips of bacon, eight sausages, four hash browns, a four-egg cheese omelet, four waffles, four pieces of toast, four pieces of fried bread, four pieces of black pudding, two ladles of beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, French fries and a 2,000-calorie milkshake to wash it all down. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) __ |/`.-\ |\_)'} |/'-; |\_\_`,_ |____| \ |====|__| jgs '.,_|____|_,_) >Retardment or Retirement? A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/Boca Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee". There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real. Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day. Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about 30 of us; and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity. My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know it, it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00. We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup, and Splenda, along with mints. At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again. Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind. Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch. Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk. Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts. Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap B. I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach. PS. This is printed large on purpose so you can read it. --- ...LOL! What a hoot! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,-""-. / .--; |===/==oo\_ | / ,___ _) \ \ \_// `//'--` .--`\U\ (____,\\\ \ \\ \\\ `> \\ `` / /`/ _/__\_\_ | / .--' 4 === | / |_________]~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ \\\\\\\\\\\~^~^~^^~^~^~^~^~^^~~ \jgs\\\\\\\~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked, "What is the kitten's name?" "Demon", I replied. "Demon? That's an odd name," she said. "Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway." I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for 'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?" "Yes, it is." "You really don't like cats, do you?" -<>- Mary was married to a something of a chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly....not any housework. That, he declared, was 'woman's work.' One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that her husband Charley had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full- time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "Oh, that part didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired." -<>- "Do you remember first meeting your wife?" "Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again." "Wow, what an incredible story! I hope she appreciates what you did for her." "Not really. Even though she stunk at it, Jill hated to give up bowling." -<>- When my husband pointed out my tendency to retell the same stories over and over, I reminded him that he was just as guilty. "Allow me to clarify," he said in response. "I review. You repeat." -<>- My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers. -<>- Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, the car overheated. Scolding myself for not listening to my father's instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil cap was labeled Dr. Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ,;;;, ()))))) ((((((( ))))))) .----'((((((('----. (| ))))) |) '-..' ((( : '..-' | : ) : | | : : -| | : : -| | : -| | : : -| |_____________| | | | |_|_| (_I_) jgs Y Y >Letterman's Top Ten Top Ten Least Popular Conversation Starters 10. "Can you tell I have drug-resistant tuberculosis?" 9. "How do you like my al-Qaida t-shirt?" 8. "Wanna see me drop my pants and fire a rocket?" 7. "I once lived across the street from Maury Povich" 6. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty . . ." 5. "If you were a woman, I bet you'd be pretty" 4. "Are you a cop?" 3. "Hi, I'm Shecky" 2. "Anyone watch 'Letterman' last night?" 1. "Mind if I call you mommy?" -<>- -=[ punker ]=- | \ | / . \ | / . `-.__|\/_\/|_.-' .__ \ / `./ `- .-'`. ` - ' ` __.' _)___( // \\ jgs/VK | | | \ | | | \ >How Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom 10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. 9. Form a loose grip. 8. Keep your head down. 7. Avoid a quick backswing. 6. Stay out of the water. 5. Try not to hit anybody. 4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you. 3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others. 2. Be quiet while others are about to go. 1. Keep strokes to a minimum. -<>- __________________/%%*%%*%%*%%*%%*%\___________________ //~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\\ I: ,;;;;;;;, | O F F I C I A L :I I: /;/;/;/|\;\ | NET SURFER'S LICENSE :I I: //;///-'`\;\\ | <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> :I I: ;/;/ _ _ \;|; | :I I: ||; `^ ^` |;| | Name: Beverly Chua :I I: |;| ^ ;|| | Email: beverly@gemz.net :I I: ||;\ '-=-' /|;| | URL: http://beverly.gemz.net :I I: \|;;.___.;|;/ | ICQ: 1184536 :I I: `"=) (="` | Home: Singapore :I I: .-:`, ,`;-. | B'day: 31 October (Halloween!) :I I: /` \';@;'/ `\ | Likes: Ballet, Web-design :I I: / '-.-' \ | Hates: Vegetables :I *jgs__________________|________________________________* \%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%/ >Top Ten Things I, Dave Letterman, Have Learned In 60 Years 10. You save a lot of money by making your own hairpieces. 9. If I stay healthy, maybe I can make it to 100 — like Regis. 8. I owe my success to two groups of viewers: prisoners and shut-ins. 7. "Lather" and "rinse" are fine, but "repeat" is just a scam to sell more shampoo. 6. Them redneck jokes never get old. 5. At staff parties, I always get stuck talking to a guy named "Shecky". 4. For some reason, "Dancing With the Stars" keeps sending my audition tape back. 3. Can't think of anything funny? How about this: [video of monkey getting a root canal]. 2. If you're missing "The Rachel Ray Show," you're missing out. 1. Cookies is tasty. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Lenticular Clouds Or UFO? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ufo.html Chalk Art 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html True Duck Tale http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html Look Who's Talking 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking4.html Oregon Aquarium http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html Until We Write Again http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/write.html World's Largest Holes http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holes.html Freaky Art Vans http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html House Dust Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusthouse.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) RAPTOR CHASE...Truly MUST SEE - THIS IS HILARIOUS... https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151974509938394 --- ...Oh My GOODNESS! LMAO! Oh Dear! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Walrus Exercise! Get in the swing of it yesssssssss http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAdZ2Dg2bUA Drunk Driver! http://blog.petflow.com/hidden-camera-drunk-driver/ --- ...LOL! Cute! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) The folks at NASA attached a camera to one of the rocket boosters during a launch and now you can see the amazing footage as it rises and falls back to Earth. There's even great sound quality thanks to Skywalker Sound. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aCOyOvOw5c&feature=player_embedded When most people think of a lake, they see open water and boats. This guy used a GoPro camera to capture beautiful video of canyons hidden in Lake Powell. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQg3hlilED0&feature=player_embedded Shaolin kung fu is an ancient art that allow almost total control over one's body, and allow him to perform stunts that seem almost impossible with nonchalant grace. But even more impressive is to watch those amazing moves in super slow mo, giving you the time to really admire the seamless movement and precise acrobatics these men are capable of! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lLlO3iIFTzg Ah, Mr. Bean, where can we send you to have a decent, normal time? It isn't the beach, that's for certain. This is another of my favorite Bean moments, a true classic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=njxdiOJJXLo --- ...LOL! Great Links! Than ks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Matthew 24 - Signs of the End of the Age - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HqlS3ROtf0&feature=relmfu Sins http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyuuyOqIU1s&feature=youtu.be --- ...Good illustration! Thanks Melody! Wacky Warning Label Menu http://www.centerforamerica.org/wwl_11/wwl_11_2012_finalists.html --- ...LOL! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) High Tech Car http://www.flixxy.com/high-tech-car-door.htm#.UXXPva4kZOE --- ...Cool Car! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "More problems for the IRS. Isn't that the feel-good story of the year? They wasted $50 million over a two-year period on conferences and retreats for employees. They even spent $11,000 on a happiness expert. I have an idea how to make them happier. How about stopping making everybody else's life miserable? Start with that!" -Jay Leno "This week, Apple introduced a new laptop that supposedly has an all-day battery. Here's how it works - don't turn on your laptop all day." -Jimmy Fallon "I admit that I get angry in traffic when driving to work. But it's pointless. It's much better to bottle up that anger and then unleash it when you get to work." -Craig Ferguson "A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then." -Jimmy Fallon "A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel "They've updated the Seven Wonders of the World. Here's the real wonder of the world. How I've managed to stay on television for 30 years." - David Letterman "My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working." -Fred Marcum "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up." --Unknown >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************