Bank Robbers 101 And More... :) Shangy Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle one comes from our friend LouiseA. It is an adorable story sure to warm your heart! Check it out here... _ _ (`-`;-"```"-;`-`) \.' './ / \ ; 0 0 ; /| = = |\ ;\ '._Y_.' /; ; `-._ \|/ _.-' ; ; `"""` ; ; `""-. .-""` ; / ; '--._ \ / _.-- ;\ : `. `/|| ||\` .' : '. '-._ _.-' .' jgs (((-'` `"""""` `'-))) Matteo And The Marmots http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/marmots.html --- ...awww, so cute! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Inveterate Gambler , })`-=--. }/ ._.-' _.-=-...-' / An inveterate gambler is always {{| , | spending money on gambling. Every {{\ | \ /_ dime that he gets he blows in Vegas or }} \ ,'---'\___\ at the racetrack. One day his wife { )/\\ \\ >\ gets very ill, and she gets rushed to jgs // >\ >\`- the hospital. The man goes to his `- `- `- friend. "You've gotta help me," he pleads, "I need some money to pay for His friend refuses. these hospital bills." "I'm not going to give you money. You'll just blow it betting on the horses." "No, I won't! I promise!" says the gambler. "I've *got* money for the horses!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 12 is Middle Child's Day August 13 is Blame Someone Else Day August 14 is National Creamsicle Day August 15 is National Relaxation Day and National Failures Day August 16 is Bratwurst Festival August 17 is National Thriftshop Day August 18 is Bad Poetry Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | >Barber Shop The balding middle-aged man asked his barber, "Why do I have to pay full price for a haircut -- there's so little of it." "Well," said the barber, "actually I only charge a little for cutting it. What you're paying for mostly is my time searching for it." -<>- >House Cleaning I recently ran into the woman who used to clean our house, and was surprised to hear that she was still at it, despite her advanced age. "How do you manage it?" I asked. She explained her secret: "I only have clients who can't see the dirt any better than I can." -<>- >Prescription Bottle A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours," warned the pharmacist. "Don't worry," replied the patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off!" -<>- >University DJ Sam was a student DJ at the local university radio station. During one shift, he ran through his material faster than expected. He asked listeners for requests, but no one phoned. So Sam played a few more wild hard-rock numbers and asked for calls after each one, but still no response. Finally he got serious with his audience. "Okay," he said, "if I don't get any requests, I'll play something my parents would like." The phone rang immediately. -<>- >Wedding Ring After many years, her original wedding ring had become worn and thin, so she asked her husband to buy her a new ring as her anniversary present. But this time she asked him to buy her one with diamonds. They went down to the jewelry store to pick one out. As they waited for the clerk, she said to her husband, "My eyes aren't as good as they used to be, so I'd really like diamonds I can see." Having overheard their conversation, a customer standing nearby remarked, "Sir, it would be cheaper if you bought her glasses." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >Dogs! _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic action was called for. I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do some errands. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! -<>- ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' >For all Teachers getting ready to go back to school. A former Marine Corps Sargeant took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence... The rest of the year went very smoothly. --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! =========================================================== /) o__^^/_/) \ ' \`-' ___ `| \______/--'` | \ ././-------,.\ BP_mic _ (\ \) o__^\/ , \ ' \ < _ _ ' ' . `| \____\ - - ' . . () | ) _ _ `.' `.' .//---_/-_/ _ _ (\ (\_\^^__o . `-'\ ` / `( | \_____| | | _ ./`,----./~| . . . - () (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | ` . ' -`/.------'\^-' >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >SMILES Two Cajuns are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, dis person look familiar." The second Cajun says, "Here, let me see!!" So the first Cajun hands him the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" ------------ A golfer who lost his ball fumed at his young caddy. He snapped, "Why didn't you watch where it went?" The lad replied, "Well sir, it usually doesn't go anywhere, so it took me by surprise." ------------ For twenty years, a man has been writing to a woman in Norway but they have never met. At long last, the man decides they ought to do something about it and he suggests that she should fly over and he'll meet her at the airport. "I think that's a wonderful idea," she replies, "but I think I ought to tell you that I am completely bald, I suffer from a nervous disorder and don't have any hair on my body." "No problem," he replies. Another letter arrives soon after and in this she says, "I think you should also know that I don't have any arms, I write by putting the pen between my toes." A LITTLE startled to receive this news, he still tells her to come, but by return of post she writes that she meant to tell him she has only one eye in the middle of her forehead. It's too late for him to back out, so he writes back to say he's looking forward to seeing her and could she wear a carnation in her buttonhole so that he will recognize her. ------- A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. However, I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care, they turned you down." ---------- Biology Exam there is hope for our youth Students in a Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student in particular was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it. He got an A. --- ...OH My! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Huge 'Fatberg' is not the lamest actor ever to try out for the part of Wolverine, it is the name given to one of the most terrifying things ever discovered in a city sewer. If you were ever afraid that there were giant alligators in the sewers, wait until you hear this. British Utility company Thames Water says it has discovered what it calls the biggest "fatberg" ever recorded in Britain, a 15-ton blob of congealed fat and baby wipes lodged in a sewer drain. That's enough "wrongly flushed festering food fat mixed with wet wipes" to fill a double-decker bus such as the famous London Routemaster, the company said. If you don't feel vomit welling up in the back of your throat right now, keep reading. Thames Water deals with fatbergs all the time, thanks to the widespread use of household oil and food fat. But few reach the mammoth size of the one found under a road in the London suburb of Kingston. This blockage - built up over an estimated six months - was discovered after residents in nearby apartment buildings were unable to flush their toilets. Examination found that the mound of fat had reduced the 70- centimeter (28-inch) by 48-centimeter (19-inch) sewer to just 5 percent of its normal capacity. It damaged the sewers so badly that it will take six weeks to repair them. The company said Tuesday it was sharing news of the massive lard lump in hopes that customers will think twice about what they dump down the drain. *-- Polish man who threatened tourists with ax declared insane --* KRAKOW, Poland - Prosecutors in Poland said a man who used an ax to threaten tourists on the grounds of a castle has been declared legally insane. Boguslawa Marcinkowska, a spokeswoman for the district prosecutor's office, said the man, Gzegorz S., has been declared criminally insane after he threatened visitors to Wawel Castle in Krakow with an ax, the Polish Press Agency reported Monday. "The prosecution service has made an application to place the suspect in a closed medical establishment because of the finding of criminal insanity," Marcinkowska said. Police said Grzegorz threatened tourists with an ax and attempted to run over visitors with a vehicle at Wawel Castle May 10. Police said the defendant told them he is a descendant of King John III Sobieski and therefore has a right to protect the castle from intruders. *-- Police: Bulldozer carried safes of cash from Italian supermarket --* BRINDISI, Italy - Italian authorities said thieves used a bulldozer to break into a supermarket and escape with safes filled with money. Investigators said the masked thieves used trucks to block off access to the rear of the supermarket in Brindisi when it was closed overnight and the bulldozer crashed through the gate and metal door to get to the room where the safes were kept, ANSA reported Monday. The truck drove off with the safes, which were believed to contain more than $132,000, police said. Police said the incident was recorded by security cameras, the Italian news agency said. *-- London house collapses under weight of hoarder's junk --* LONDON - Neighbors of a British hoarder said they feared her dead when 22 tons of junk collapsed her house but it turned out she wasn't home at the time. People living near the London home of Wendy Towers, 61, said they called authorities Tuesday when the 22 tons of junk Towers kept on the second floor of her home caused the house to cave in, the London Evening Standard reported Thursday. "We thought she was dead. We had not seen her for a week, and she was not the type to go on holiday," said Rozmin Najak, 26, who lives across the street. "The ceiling had collapsed, there were sniffer dogs here looking for her and we had all started to believe the worst had happened and we should have done more to check on her. I just couldn't believe it when she walked up the road." However, Najak and others said they were relieved when Towers arrived home from staying at a friend's house. "I had no idea that she was hoarding so much stuff. But I'm just glad she is okay," Najak said. Towers said she will treat the incident as a fresh beginning. "I'm okay. I will go and stay with some friends in Snaresbrook. It will be a new start," she said. London police and fire brigade officials confirmed they were called to the home Tuesday on a report of a person possibly being trapped in a collapsed home. "We were called out. We sent in a sniffer dog to try to establish whether anyone was in the house. There were no positive signs," a fire brigade spokesman said. *-- Man completes 22-mile swim with 1 ton of bricks --* DETROIT - A long distance swimmer has completed his 22-mile trip across a Michigan lake while towing a ton of bricks after more than 50 hours in the water. Jim Dreyer, 49, arrived at Detroit's Belle Island at 11:15 a.m. Wednesday after starting his Lake St. Clair swim at 8:36 a.m. Monday while towing two inflatable boats filled with a total 1 ton of bricks, Mlive.com reported Thursday. Dreyer, an experienced long-distance swimmer who has previously crossed Lake Superior, said his trip took about 21 hours longer than he expected because he drifted back some when he fell asleep and he spent some time lost. He made the swim without the help of a support boat. The swimmer said the bricks he towed across the lake will be auctioned off to benefit Habitat for Humanity. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend RichardF :) >Should I Really Join Facebook? Can Ya Teach An Old Dog New Tricks? _.--"""--._ .' '-. `. __/__ (-. `\ \ /o `o \ \ \ \ _\__.__/ )) | | ; .--;" | | \ ( `) | | \ _|`---' .' _, _| | `\ '`_\ \ '_,.-';_.-`\| \ \_ .' '--'---;` / / |\ |_..--' \ \'-'.' .--'.__/ __.-; `"` (___...---''` \ _/_ \ /jgs\ \___/ A good laugh for people in the over 50 groups!!! When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grandkids could communicate with me in the Modern way... I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then, going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue Tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife, and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead . . . Well, it was not a good relationship. When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets; and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me. Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am Bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I Tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot ." P.S. I know some of you are not over 50. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are. We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle. --- ...LOL! Too funny! Thanks Richard! ============================================================= >From Our Friend Linda :) ____________ .F............T. | .----------. | | |',' ',' , | | _......_ .''''''''''. | `----------' | _+' `+_ .' '. _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ _/.-. _...._ .-.\_ _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ (_)`-' __[]__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __{}__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __/\__ `-'(_) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' >Retirement Outside England ’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant.....The fees for cars ($1.40),for buses (about $7). Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work,he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ......and no one even knows his name. I think this is my favorite e-mail ever! --- ...Oh My! Thanks Linda! -<>- A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head. Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance. Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?" She replied, "No, no, puppies....." --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) ________________ \ __ / __ \_____()_____/ / ) '============` / / #---\ /---# / / (# @\| |/@ #) / / \ (_) / / / |\ '---` /| / / _______/ \\_____// \____/ o_| / \ / \ / / o_| / | o| / o_| \ / | _____ | / / \ \ / | |===| o| / /\ \ \ | | \@/ | / / \ \ \ | |___________o|__/----) \ \/ | ' || --) \ | |___________________|| --) \ / | o| '''' | \__/ | | | "DON'T CROSS ME... !" Rosebud >State Trooper Comments These are actual comments made by Georgia State Troopers that were taken off their car videos: 1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." 4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that will be chasing you." 6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?" 8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." 11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center ) 13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail." 16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here." --- ...LOL! Great ones! Thanks KarenF! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ) ( / \ .-"""""-. / \ ( \/ __ __ \/ ) ) ; / _\ /_ \ ; ( ( | / \ / \ | ) \ (, \0/_\0/ ,) / \_| / \ |_/ | (_\___/_) | .\ \ -.- / /. { \ `===' / } { `.___.' } jgs { } `"="="="="="` Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown." I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?" -<>- David Beckham, the famous English soccer player, is teaching his new son Romeo the finer points about soccer. After a while Romeo asks his Dad what number he should have on his uniform when he starts playing for a team. David replied "Wear 4 out there Romeo." -<>- Recently in Traffic Court a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you $57. Next." -<>- Two stockbrokers went to lunch. The one said to the other, "Let's relax while we eat and talk about something other than the market for once." "Good idea. Let's talk about women." "Okay... common or preferred?" -<>- "Because we live in the modern age, women now have choices that are just killing them. "They can have a job, not have a job. They can be married or unmarried, married with children, unmarried with children, married with children and a job, unmarried with children and a job, unmarried with children and no job, unmarried with children who themselves have jobs, have a job and an au pair who has children, marry the au pair, have the au pair have their children, etc... "Men, unfortunately, have the same choice we've always had: we can work or we can go to jail." --Tim Allen -<>- Many people hold down two jobs, so I wasn't surprised when my hairdresser mentioned to me that he also worked part-time at the race track. "That's interesting," I said. "What do you do?" As he finished styling my hair, he replied, "I groom horses." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] ========================================================= >-->From Jokester: __ (`/\ `=\/\ __...--~~~~~-._ _.-~~~~~--...__ `=\/\ \ / \\ `=\/ V \\ //_\___--~~~~~~-._ | _.-~~~~~~--...__\\ // ) (..----~~~~._\ | /_.~~~~----.....__\\ ===( INK )==========\\|//==================== __ejm\___/________dwb`---`____________________________________________ >The World's Shortest Books: Al Gore: The Wild Years Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean America's Most Popular Lawyers Career Opportunities for History Majors Detroit - A Travel Guide Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches Easy UNIX Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance Everything Men Know about Women Everything Women Know about Men French Hospitality George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names How to Sustain A Musical Career, by Art Garfunkel Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette The Amish Phone Book And the Number One World's Shortest Book, The Engineer's Guide to Fashion -<>- Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" and "My Life" by Bill Clinton and turn in book reports on each of them. One sharp witted student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories and hence only one book report was required! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report: Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton: Over 3 hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: Ditto for Bill. Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton: Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: Let's not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary... basically, the same thing. -<>- __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >Bank Robbers 101 Pick The Right Bank: You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. Study Your History: Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans. Speak To The Right Teller: One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived. Don't Sign Your Demand Note: Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit. And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number. Don't Advertise: A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up banks. Go Easy On The Disguise: One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print. Take Right Turns Only: Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security police money. Be Aware Of The Time: Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived. Consider Another Line Of Work: Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly. Be Strong: Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside. -<>- Theft in New Zealand Police in New Zealand were mystified by the apparent theft of a complete toilet bowl from a police station in Auckland. When a local news reporter asked the police sergeant if they had any leads, he replied, "At present we have nothing to go on." -<>- Do NOT lose your Grand kids in the Mall! A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Crown Royal whisky and women with big tits" ====================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Amazing Athlete Homes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html Sand Sculpture Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html Real Drug Raid http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drugraid.html Value What You Have http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Worms!! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Leaf Art Painting! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/art.html Indian Paper Sculpture! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/indianart.html Real Pencil Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pencil.html Amazing Horse Trainer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsetrainer.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us one we have here... One Pound Deer - Miracle Fawn http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rupert.html Revised Old Rock Star Songs from comedian Tim Hawkins... Turn up your speakers and laugh along as you enjoy some familiar tunes with revised lyrics. Old Rock Stars - "Makes Sense To Me" http://dalesdesigns.net/rock-on.htm --- ...LOL! A treasure! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend RichardF :) He sent us one we have here... Wood Chip Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart.html --- ...Pretty cool reminder! Thanks RichardF! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) He sent us one we have here... God's Advertisements http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godsads.html --- ...Beautiful reminder! Thanks PatDeE! Old People need a drink! http://biggeekdad.com/2013/08/geriatric-traffic-jam/ --- ...LMAO! Too rich! Thanks PatDeE -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Worth sharing with you Shangy & everyone else! This is real magic http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=sKns1uatyNg&vq=medium --- ...Aww, thanks Linda for your sweet thoughtfulness! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) a journey through Asia on Vimeo http://vimeo.com/8728416 I Wish I Was 18 Again~ George Burns http://heavens-gates.com/18again/ Kenya Helicopter Photo Safari on Vimeo http://vimeo.com/27898039 --- ...Lovely! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Lucianne News Forum http://www.lucianne.com/ --- ...Interesting! Thanks KarneF! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Learning resource exchange for schools http://tinyurl.com/mp8ejpn learning registry http://learningregistry.org/ free education http://tinyurl.com/278bbh --- ...Great info links! Thanks Wesley! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." --Kevin James "According to the 'New York Daily News', bars all across the city are installing breathalyzer vending machines telling people whether they've had too much to drink. Apparently, if you're drunk the machine warns you not to drive, and if you're really drunk, it warns you not to call your ex-girlfriend." --Conan O' Brien "How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue ..and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?" --Rita Rudner "My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." --Kevin Hench I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus." So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is still red, you MORON!?" >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************