Bathroom Antics & More! ... :) Shangy! >-->Hot Of The 'Shangy' Press :) Another good one thanks to our friend Steve - What would we do without him? We'd have some boring times for sure! This one I was really surprised about as I didn't believe the last part about the whale getting friendly - visit the page, you'll see what I mean. I researched it and sure enough, all of it was absolutely true! Amazed me as I am sure it will you too! __________...----..____..-'``-..___ ,'. ```--.._ : ``._ | -- ``. | -.- -. - -. `. : __ -- . \ `._____________ ( `. -.- -- - . ` \ `-----------------\ \_.--------..__..--.._ `. `. : `--' SSt `-._ . | `.` | \` | A WHALE OF A TALE! \ | / \`. / _\-' /_,' A Heartwarmer: Whale Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue.html ...Thanks Steve for sharing this with us! ========================================================= +------------- Bizarre Deaths in the Bathroom -------------+ HELIOGABALUS (204-222), emperor of Rome * After he had ruled four years, his homosexuality, eccent- ricity, and worship of the Syrian god Baal turned the Praetorian Guard, his own bodyguards, against him. He tried to hide in a latrine with his mother. Discovered, they were both murdered. Their heads were cut off and their bodies were dragged to the Tiber, weighted, and thrown into the river. ARIUS (256?-336), Christian theologian and heretic * Suffering agonizing pain in the bowels, he went to the toilet. There he expired, probably from poison. EDMUND II, (980?-1016), King of England * According to an old account, he was murdered, "stabbed from beneath as he answered a call of nature." JAMES I (1394-1437), king of Scotland * As assassins tried to break down the entrance door to Perth Abbey, King James sought a hiding place, and finally secreted himself in a small toilet. A lady-in-waiting, Katherine Douglas, joined him. When she heard the assassins approach, she shoved her arm through the bolt ring to hold it firm. The assassins smashed down the door, broke her arm, and attacked the king with daggers and swords. He died with 16 wounds in his chest alone. HENRY III (1551-1589), king of France * Just as he was about to leave the lavatory, King Henry was assaulted by a fanatical Jacobin friar, who drove a blade into the king's stomach and killed him. The clerical murderer was himself stabbed to death, but his corpse was put on trial for the assassination. ARTHUR CAPEL, EARL OF ESSEX (1631-1683), English politician * Imprisoned in the Tower of London, he sat down on the toilet and calmly committed suicide by cutting his throat. GEORGE II (1683-1760), king of Great Britain and Ireland * After a breakfast of hot chocolate, he went to the bath- room. His German valet, waiting outside, heard a thump, ran inside, and found the monarch dead on the bathroom floor. LENNY BRUCE (1925-1966), American comedian * Discovered dead in his bathroom from an overdose of heroin. ELVIS PRESLEY (1935-1977), American singer * Dropped dead in his bathroom, either of natural causes or excessive drugs. He died at the same age his mother had died --42. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friends Del, Casey, & MrWu :) uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu u" uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu "u u" u$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$u "u u" u$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$u "u u" u$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$u "u u" u$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$u "u u" u$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$u "u $ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ $ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ $ $$$" ... "$... ...$" ... "$$$ ... "$$$ $ $ $$$u `"$$$$$$$ $$$ $$$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $ $ $$$$$$uu "$$$$ $$$ $$$$$ $$ """ u$$$ $ $ $$$""$$$ $$$$ $$$u "$$$" u$$ $$$$$$$$ $ $ $$$$....,$$$$$..$$$$$....,$$$$..$$$$$$$$ $ $ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ "u "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" u" "u "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" u" "u "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" u" "u "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" u" "u "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" u" "u """""""""""""""""" u" """""""""""""""""""" STOP - THINK Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907. "In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American... There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." --Theodore Roosevelt 1907 Every American citizen needs to read this! KEEP THIS MOVING -<,,>- >Why you shouldn't swim in Oklahoma - Home to the Alligator Gar - How would you like to see this on the other end of your fishing line? Alligator Gar...8ft.10inches.....327 pounds..... Okay, this is why people just disappear from the lakes in Oklahoma ! And yes, this is for real. --- ..Awesome looking! Thanks Del! All about this here critter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alligator_gar And here... http://www.opticstalk.com/photoserver/photoDetail.aspx?photo=1559 and here is more cool pics: http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/Gallery/Descript/AlligatorGar/AlligatorGar.html -<>- AREN'T WE FRIENDS _ ,="` `""=, o / ,=="""'=; , __ ~ / ,--'/=,) o \`\\"._ _, | .='/ <9(9.=" / _ |||;._//) / (J ^\ \ o_/@ @ /// |=( .' .' \ '='/ '-. ( (`__, ,`\| / / \`-;_ \ '.\_/ |\_.' ~ / | /` _ \ ) `""``` | , ; /`\/ `\ \ /.-._///_ |/ ' \_,\__/\ \.-'.'----'` \| '. \ \ /`-, ~ `\ _.-'\ (`-` .' `-.-' _.-')__./,--' .--'`,-'`'""` ` \ /`"`-` | ~ | / ~ | .-'__ .' \ ;'"` `""----'` \ \ '. `\ jgs ) `-. ~ / `-._ | , `-, ~ \ .' `''----` `.( ` Of all the people I've ever met, You are the one I won't forget. . `: : : . __.'_ .' : _.--' `-._.' .-'.. .. `. : .-. .--.`. : : : : : : : : :`;; :`; ; : `.`O;' `O;.' : .' .---. .--. ; . : '._ :' ; :: : .-`-.; . .' .': `. ``` `. :-' : : `-.__ ._ _.' : ; : ;``` : `. _.-.' . ``-._ : `.-' : : `-. : _.: ` `-._ `, `._.-' ; `.`-. ;_, _., : `.: ;' ;-' ; : ``.___.' : : ;_..--' `. ; `-.__ ...' : : : jgs :-:__; : : : .-~~~--..__: : :___..---.. .'.' : `, :,' : `; ; `: _.'`._ :,' `~~~'----'' `'-.____....' And When I die And Christ Returns, as we know He'll one day do, I'll stand Before Him and God and tell them both all about you. .--. .--. ( (`\\."--``--".//`) ) '-. __ __ .-' / /__\ /__\ \ | \ 0/ \ 0/ | \ `/ \` / `-. /-"""-\ .-` / '.___.' \ \ I / `;--'`'--;` jgs '.___.' I won't say a word about what I've done No climbing of ladders, no not a single rung! , /| .-'`| .--. \\ |o o| ( -, \ \\| - | .'o \| \ \ (_., '.________.-. | |\\ \ \ | | . | \| \ ______ /_/ ; | ; ||| ||| / | \ ||| ||| jgs /___|___\ //_| //_| Just to prove My friendship is true I'm thankful to have Family and Friends like you! --- ...Just a bit edited - Hope you don't mind Del :) ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: --China has just opened the world's largeest public toilet.-- The story, from the denverpost.com, opens, "They're flush with pride in a southwestern Chinese city." Now that's clever journalism. The towering, four-story edifice boasts over 1,000 toilets and all the modern luxury and conveniences. "We are spread- ing toilet culture," said Lu Xiaoqing, an official with the tourist area where the bathroom is located. "People can listen to gentle music and watch TV. After they use the bathroom they will be very, very happy." And if a little light music or television doesn't satisfy your elimination needs you can avail yourself of some of the novelty toilets. Some urinals are uniquely shaped, including ones inside open crocodile mouths and several that are topped by the bust of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary. If you're not in the mood for blasphemy you can always use the open-aired stalls without a roof...if the weather is right, of course. "Other bathrooms are all the same," said one satisfied tourist. "This one is very special, I've never seen any- thing like it!" -- Child makes 287 calls to 911 -------------- CARPENTERSVILLE, Ill. - Emergency dispatchers in Carpenters- ville, Ill., say a child playing with a deactivated cell phone dialed 911 emergency 287 times. QuadCom emergency center dispatchers said the 4-year-old girl eventually gave out her address when a dispatcher agreed to fill her McDonald's order, the Elgin (Ill.) Courier-News reported Thursday. However, the center sent police to the home instead of cheeseburgers. Federal Communications Commission regulations require deactivated cell phones to retain 911 capability -- a feature the child's mother said she was unaware of, the newspaper said. However, since the phone was deactivated, it did not give out a return phone number or other information when the 911 calls were made. QuadCom Executive Director Steve Cordes urged parents to be cautious when giving children old cell phones to play with. He said emergency workers must investigate the calls, even if they seem suspicious. "You don't know if it's a real call," he told the Courier-News. "You also have to stop and take the 911 dispatchers away from handling bona fide emergency calls." -<>- >From TheCoffeeBreak: U.S. citizen passport rules postponed The U.S. government has postponed the requirement for returning U.S. citizens to show a passport until at least next summer. U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff announced the change Wednesday in Washington and said the Jan. 1, 2008, deadline was being extended, The Washington Post reported. Two weeks ago, the State Department said there was a backlog of 3 million passport applications and some congressional members criticized administration's rush. House Rules Committee Chairwoman Rep. Louise Slaughter, D-N.Y., whose district includes the border city of Buffalo, N.Y., called the proposal "premature" and "not grounded in reality." Under existing rules, U.S. travelers returning from Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean can make a verbal declaration of citizenship and show a wide number of photo identification items, which Chertoff criticized. "Those who believe we should continue to allow 8,000 documents and oral declarations are playing with fire," he said. "They are gambling with the security of this country." TSA workers get trash reminder U.S. Homeland Security workers received a reminder on trashing old papers after "sensitive" documents were found in the garbage near the Orlando, Fla., airport. "There have been recent news stories about a young person who went Dumpster diving near a major airport and found an airport binder that contained documents marked as Sensitive Security Information," the most recent Transportation Security Administration newsletter tells employees. The Washington Times reported on the document Thursday. The newsletter told employees that any documents marked SSI should be shredded, cut into small pieces, or disposed of in special bins, the newspaper said. "When in doubt -- do not throw it out. If you are unsure whether a document contains SSI, err on the side of caution and use one of the disposal methods described above," the newsletter said. The material found by the teenager was part of an airport master plan and was not sensitive security information but was market as such, the Times reported. The youth's mother turned the information over to The Orlando Sentinel. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) %%%% %%%%-( _%%%%%_/ \ ' / _%%%%%%%% - (_) - _%%%%%%%/ \% / , \ %%%%%%%%%\\ \_ %%%%%% \ \\ ) /\_/ /(___. \ '----' ( / ) ---....____/ (_____ __ _ ___ ___ ___ _ _ _____ _ _ ___ / )---...___ =-= = -_= -=_= _-=_-_ -=- =-_ ,' ( ```--.._= -_= -_= _-=- -_= _=- ,-' ) ``--._=-_ =-=_-= _-= _ '-._ '-..___( ``-._=_-=_- =_-= ``---....__) `-._-=_-_=- )|)| `-._=-_ gnv '-'-.\_ `-. Heaven and Sea If truly, I be Heaven, and you be deep blue Sea, Then, comes the Eve-Tide, Take you flight, And rush you, swiftly to me. Standing at the ocean's shore, Looking as far as eye can see, It is to Heaven's breast, Sea seems steadily to flee. I'll welcome you with open arms, Here, most tenderly, And Gently, Darkness then over takes the light, And all through wondrous night, We shall sing love`s most `Precious` songs, While gliding dreamily along, During our Heavenly flight, Oh, but Reluctantly, releasing you, Yet, sadly comes Morning's wind, Arriving right on time again, Ridding on day's first light, Upon shining Sun, Most brilliant bright. Knowing, It will always be, Yes,through out all Eternity, Ti`s true, But come `Night`, my Love, I'll be here, Waiting, once again, Just for YOU! ~The Dream Merchant~ John-Paul ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Bob :) CBS couldn't shut him up----hooray for him!!!! "I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the UnitedCaucasianCollege Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door. Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE? I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability. I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!" I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else And if you don't like my point of view, tough... I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up, BE QUIET or get the heck out!!! If you agree, pass this on, if not delete. ---- ...So true - thanks Bob! >or As our friends Del, Casey & MrWu said :) AMEN TO THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!! I'm proud to send this one! I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! *** Best Bumper Sticker Ever *** DOES MY AMERICAN FLAG OFFEND YOU? ()__ ||**Z__ ||**|**=Z____ ||**|**=|====| ||==|**=|====| ||""|===|====| || `"""|====| jgs || `""""` CALL 1-800-LEAVE-THE-USA ======================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Steve :) You know you’re living in 2007 when… 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t #9 on this list _.._..,_,_ ( ) ]~,"-.-~~[ .=])' (; ([ | ]:: ' [ AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself. '=]): .) ([ |:: ' | ~~----~~ Paul Martin Howard Go on, have one on me and forward this to your friends. You know you want to. -<..>- >Letting Go To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; It means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off... It's the realization that I can't control another... To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try and change or blame another, I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective, It is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment. To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more. --- ...And - For those who Still Can't Let Go - LET GO Already! Geesh! .===================================================================. || I'll DRINK TO THAT! || || ___ || || .' '. || || / \ oOoOo || || | | ,==||||| || || \ / _|| ||||| || || '.___.' _.-'^|| ||||| || || __/_______.-' '==HHHHH || || _.-'` / """"" || || .-' / oOoOo || || `-._ / ,==||||| || || '-/._|| ||||| || || / ^|| ||||| || || / '==HHHHH || || /________""""" || || `\ `\ || || \ `\ / || || \ `\/ || || / || || / || || jgs /_____ || || || '===================================================================' --- ...Can ya tell I'm a bit thirsty - LOL -<**>- __ .--.;_.'-. _., \__.' ;@ '. .'; `. ; __..-"'o ; ;' ; ;_/ ._.-' '. } : / `. _i/v\. ; i',; ( \_.' .(_) ; ' /{ \/ '. .r_.' .'\ ; .' .''-';_ ; ''-. ; / '.`. \ ; '. ; '. '._.; _ ; ; ; \.' '.__.-i ; fsc 'wWw' "wWw' SQUIRREL INFESTATION: There were Five country churches in a small TEXAS town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue. Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week. The METHODIST CHURCH got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. But - The CATHOLIC CHURCH came up with a very good and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter _ _/-\_ .-`-:-:-`-. /-:-:-:-:-:-\ \:-:-:-:-:-:/ |` `| No nuts about it! | | jgs `\ /' `-._.-' Not much was heard about the JEWISH SYNAGOGUE, but they took one squirrel and had a short circumcision service with him and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since! -<>- _(,__ __), (_,d888888888b,d888888888b d888888888888/888888888888b_) (_8888888P'""'`Y8Y`'""'"Y88888b Y8888P.-' ` '-.Y8888b_) ,_Y88P (_(_( )_)_) d88Y_, Y88b, (o ) (o ) d8888P `Y888 '-' '-' `88Y` ,d/O\ c /O\b, \_/'.,______w______,.'\_/ .-` `-. ...SHE was SOOOO BLONDE... / , d88b d88b_ \ / / 88888bd88888`\ \ / / \ Y88888888Y \ \ \ \ \ 88888888 / / `\ `. \d8888888b, /\\/ `.//.d8888888888b; | |/d888888888888b/ d8888888888888888b ,_d88p""q88888p""q888b, `""'`\ "`| /`'""` `. |===/ > | | / | | | | | | Y / \ / / jgs | /| / / / / | /=/ |=/ `"` `"` A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The officer asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The officer replied, "its square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop." --- ...Love It - Thanks Steve! =================================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: Near Miss ,--. \ _\_ _\/_|_\____.'\ -(___.--._____( \ \ \ \ `--' jg As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." >From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" -<>- >Climbing Higher ,sdPBbs. ,d$$$$$$$$b. d$P'`Y'`Y'`?$b d' ` ' \ `b / | \ \ / / \ | \ _,--' | \ | /' _/ \ | \ _/' /' | \ `-.__ __/' ,-' / | | \ `--...__ /' / | / \ \ `-. `\ / /;;,,__-' / / \ \ `-. / |;;;;;;;\ \ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. --Psalm 18:33 When I was a college student I had an opportunity to visit Death Valley National Park with my geology class. The field trip was a requirement for the graduate students, but extra credit for me. I signed up for the adventure thinking that it would be a good way to garner favor with the professor of the course. To this day I consider the experience valuable in many ways. That weekend I was challenged intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Whenever I read this verse I am reminded of the ten-mile hikes across the desert, and the way that our professor urged us to climb ever higher to gain fuller appreciation of the landforms he was describing. One climb in particular was breathtaking. It took our group more than half an hour to climb up to the place where we were to be given a lecture about ancient shorelines. The higher we climbed, the more I was reminded of this verse. The view of the setting sun was stunning from that height. God wants to show us incredible views as well. When God takes us on the heights, it is to give us an opportunity to see things as he sees them. Here on earth, our vantage point is severely limited. We let ourselves become so entrenched in the busyness of the small things that we forget how to take in the panoramic scene that God lays out for us each day. When we trust him to lead us to new heights, we are able to see the greater picture of his plan for our lives. Once we have scaled the heights and glimpsed life from God's eternal perspective, our lives are changed. Contributed by Lauren Beyenhof: Lgrace217@sbcglobal.net Visit Lauren's blog site, view her personal invitation to support Cystic Fibrosis research, or visit the CF Foundation site. >From Daily Wisdom. To subscribe, mailto:dw- subscribe@lists.gospelcom.net ==================================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: Summer Camp A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring! an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother? -<>- : : : : : : : : : : .' : _.-" : _.-" '. ..__...____...-" : : \_\ : : .--" : `.__/ .-" _ : / / ," ,- .' (_)(`,(_,'L_,_____ ____....__ _.' "' " """"""" """ cgmm Sesame Street Bus There was this guy who just got a new job as a school bus driver for elementary school children. He thought it would be nice to paint the school bus with characters from Sesame Street. So, he painted Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, The Cookie Monster and so forth. At his first stop, there was this very over-weight little girl. He opened the door and said, " Hi, I'm the new bus driver. What is your name?" The girl said that her name was Pattie. Waiting at the next stop was another over-weight little girl. He said, "Hi, I'm the new bus driver. What is your name?" She said that her name was Pattie also. At the next stop, there was a grown woman and a little boy. The bus driver said, "Hi, I'm the new bus driver. What is your name?" The woman piped up and said, "His name is Ross and he is my son." She continued, "He is very, very special, so I want you to take extra good care of him." The bus driver replied, "No problem." "He can have this seat right behind me and I can watch him really good in the mirror." At the next stop, there was this little country boy standing there. The little boy was wearing tattered overalls and had no shoes or socks on his feet. The poor little boy had problems walking because of bunions all over his feet. The bus driver said, "Hi, I'm the new bus driver. What is your name?" The little boy replied, "My name is Lester Cleese." Well, little Lester picked at his bunions all the way to the schoolhouse, nearly driving the driver crazy. Later that night, at home, his wife asked him how his first day on the new job was. The man replied: /####\ ,;&&&&&&&&;, ######## /&&/ BUS \&&&\ ######## a&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&\\..../ &" "& &" "&" "& "&" & &&" "& & "& & & && |||| & &&& &&& &&& & & & & & &&&& &&&& && & & &&& &&&& &&&)==== &. "& &&, "& & &&& & &&&, "&& && "&& && &&& &&& |||| &&& & &&&&& & & & &&& & &&&&&& && && & & &&& &&&& &&&)==== &, ,& &, ,& & & &&& & &&, ,&& && & & & && &&& |||| \&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&/ |||| .,;%%%%%%;,. |||| ;%%%%%%%%%%%%;, |||| ;%%%/@@\%/@@\%%;, |||| ;%%%(@ @)(@ @)%%%%; |||| ;%%%%%%cCCCCCc%%%%%%; |||| %%%%%cCCCCCCCCc%%%%%; |||| ;%%cCCCCCC``cCc%%%%%; |||| cCCCCCCC` ,Cc)%%%%; |||| CCCCC %/C` ,C/%%%%;' |||| CCCCC /C` ,C/%%%%% |||| ... /C`,C/%%%%%%% |||| . ... (C`C/%%%%%%%%%% |||| .... .../.. ~~;%%%%%%%%%%%% |||| ..... .... ;%%%%%%%%%%%%%% |||| \....../ ;%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% |||| `(((((() ;%%%%%%%%%%%%%%(((%% |||| (((((((() %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%(((((%%|||| ((((((((();%%%%%%.%%%%%%%%%%(((((%%||| ((((((((;%%%%%%%...\%%%(((((((((((%%|| ((((((;%%%%%%.......\((((((((((((((%%| ___ `((((;%%%%%%........((((((((((((((((%|/%%%) `((;%%%%%%%%....../%(((((((((((((((%%,;%%%) `;%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%((((((((((((%%%,;%%%) ;%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%,;%%%) ;%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%,;%%%) ;%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%,;%) ;%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%,||| `;%%%%/|,,\;;;;;;\\%%%/======\ |,,,);;;;;;) |||||||| |,/;;;;;;;;| |||||||| /;;;;;;;;;/ |||||||| /;;;;;;;;;/ |||||||| /~~~\.;;;;;;;/,,| /........\ ( \;;;/,,,,,| ============ \ /~~~~~~~~~~\ |||||||||||| \.)(__(___(___(_) ============== Well, I had Two Obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester Cleese Picking Bunions On A Sesame Street Bus." -<>- Stranded . _\____ |_===__`. ==/ \/ '---"\ _ _ _ _/ ______/_______/_|_|_|_|_| _|--------------------==." \____________________.' LGB A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner Dr. Lowenstein and its steward Marty who managed to swim to the closest island. After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. The other man was quite calm, relaxing against a tree. "Dr. Dr. Lowenstein, Dr. Dr. Lowenstein, how can you be so calm?" cried Marty. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here." "Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Marty," began the confident Dr. Lowenstein. "Five years ago I gave the United Way $500,000. And another $500,000 to the Save the Children. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years ago, since I did very well in the stock market, I contributed $750,000 to each. Last year business was good, so the two charities each got a million dollars." "So what?" shouted Benny. "Well, it's time for their annual fund drives, and I know they're going to find me," smiled Dr. Dr. Lowenstein. -<>- Fast Food Ted just finished his training session at the local McDonald's. So he was a little nervous being behind the register for the first time. His first customer ordered a Milkshake. "Ted," his manager said, "remember to say 'Welcome to McDonald's' to each customer before they order." His second customer ordered a Cheeseburger. This time, the manager approached Ted again, and said, "Remember to ask each customer if they want fries with their order." At this point a man came in wearing a ski mask, approached Ted at the register and pointed a gun in his face. "Give me all the money you got in that register kid!" Ted took one look at his manager, thought for a second, and quickly said, "Would you like that for here or to go?" -<>- _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ Clear Day Study of Dogs Dogs lie around all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play they want to play. When you want to be alone they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats. ==================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** What Happens When You Fall In Love With ** A chef? (You get buttered up.) A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.) A gambler? (He cheats on you.) A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.) A trashman? (He dumps you.) A clockmaker? (He two-times you.) A pastry cook? (He desserts you.) A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.) An elevator operator? (He lets you down.) An artist? (He gives you the brush.) A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.) -<>- ; \ `; __`\ ;,-',_`,\ ;|/`) \ \/'_)/ | \/( | : ,---=='='=`===----. `---==| ; \==---' | ;. \ | `; \ | ;. \ | `; \ | ;. \ | `; \ pb | ;. \ | `; \ `--..._ ` _.-' `--' ** Half A Lawyer ** Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." -<>- ** WWJD ** Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" __[]__ ,-`---.--`;. (} .---' '---'.-.-- '----. jgs `"` `"` ` ` /> >\ But with a little sniffing, we've learned the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler, "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda. . . . . . ."The Apostles were all in one Accord. -<>- Real Quotes From Real ___ | | | '._ _ | ``` '| ____| \ `-. | \ _ / ` `\ /` \ .'` jgs \ \ '-; Texas Politicians (Andy Says... I cannot attest to the veracity to these... it may be just politically speaking... know what I mean???) Texas Rep. Joe Salem speaking on an amendment requiring all revenues to go into the state treasury: "It just makes good sense to put all your eggs in one basket." Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower: "Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos." Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis to a group of handicapped people in wheel chairs: "And now, will y'all stand and be recognized?" A. C. Greene: "Dallas salutes a person who can buy a piece of art, but not a person who can create one." Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower when told that Texas Governor Bill Clements had been studying Spanish: "Oh good. Now he'll be bi-ignorant." Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis defending himself against the charge that he would personally profit from a bill he had introduced: "I'd just make a little bit of money, I wouldn't make a whole lot." Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing President George Bush's policies: "If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head." Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing: "I move we recess to go outside and throw up." Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis: "There's a lot of uncertainty that's not clear in my mind." Don Rottenberg: "There are still places where people think that the function of the media is to provide information." My Favorite is from our former governor Ann Richards, "Poor George [Bush], he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." -<>- cnnno | | | _| |c-OO | _) | | ,--. |-._| |. | 7`-.4. /3 8 WHY / -._k// | IT'S f _ /--z|_,| Good / " `| | TO j \ | | BE | | _| A |. |" | MAN... `-.___.,-| | | || | | | || |-'i | || | t | || | z | || `--` | || | || | || |___|' r--`==-. '--"""" itz Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be a fat teddy bear. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "icky" looking. Same work... more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood, ALL the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: He must be mad at me. You don't mooch off others' desserts. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. You don't have to shave below your neck. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons! . You can do your nails with a pocketknife or your teeth. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes flat. You don't need to ask the other men at the restaurant table if they want to go along to the restroom. ~~~~~~Whatta' life! ;-) ~~~~~~~~~Thanks to Kevin for sharing this with us. .'"". c' )"/ _____ _>__/_ ______ /.. .'` `'. .':B 8; ' . . ' .'| \ '...'\ __ / '..' _/ | : _ _:_ / \ ( ) / \_ .' ' : __/ \_:_ __/ snd //:____/\\ __|/ |/__ ;_._) (,__; Women - feel free to reply!! -<>- ** FISHING JOKES CORNER ** .'|_.- .' ' /_ .-" -. '> .- -. -. '. / /|_ .-.--.-. ' > / / (o( o( o ) \_." < '-'-''-' ) < ( _.-'-. ._\. _\ '----"/--.__.-) _- \| AoS "V"" "V" 1. What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line. 2. Where do you find the most fish? Between the head and the tail. 3. Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish. -<>- ** Where Are You Going? ** The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture," the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man. -<>- ** THE OLD MAN ** Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton; I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir!" ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: John w/ Together Again ~Emmylou Harris~ http://heavens-gates.com/country/togetheragain/ The Pretty One Via Juanita http://dedeswalkwithgod.com/The_Pretty_One.html Carol w/Sands Of Time http://www.carolspoetry.com/sandsoftime.html Kaye w/Sentimental Journey http://www.kayesworld.co.uk/sentimental.html Exercise Chart - How much does walking burn? http://www.fhma.com/calories.htm Free - just 'click' to give to charity http://www.thehungersite.com/index.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: Truth is not determined by majority vote. --Doug Gwyn "President Bush said today that immigrants that come to America should learn English. He said, 'Hey, if I was moving to Canada, I would learn Canadian.'" --Jay Leno "Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages" --Dave Barry "Did you barbeque today? Over 100 million Americans barbequed today – because the polar ice caps just aren't melting fast enough!" --Dave Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Wow Baby :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. 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