Big Red Lobster Tails And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) It's been a busy weekend for the web site. We have two new delightful penguin pages sure to give you your aww quota for the day. Our first scorching hot new page is from our friends Victor and Geniann. This one is so astounding! It reaffirms to me that God made animals pretty close to the way we are. This little guy sure has devotion to the one who saved him and he shows his love for him just as we would or should do if someone saved us. It's as amazing as it is heartwarming! Be sure to check it out here... ,-. )"( /.U.\ ; ::; ; ( ::; ) Krzysztof Biolik `.'.' mf`tm Penguin Rescue Story! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue.html --- ...Beautiful! Thanks my friends! Our 2nd hot tottie is from our friend Bunni. It is sure to brighten your day with ear to ear smiles! Check it out here... _.._ .-' `-. : ; ; ,_ _, ; : \{" "}/ : ,'.'"=..=''.'. ; / \ / \ ; .' ; '.__.' ; '. .-' .' '. '-. .' ; ; '. / / \ \ ; ; ; ; ; `-._ _.-' ; ; ""--. .--"" ; '. _ ; ; _ .' {""..' '._.-. .-._.' '..""} \ ; ; / : : : : : :.__.: : \ /"-..-"\ / fsc '-.__.' '.__.-' Australian Penguin Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue2.html --- ...Awww, such an adorable one! Love it! Thanks Bunni! Bunni updated us on her health and says she is feeling more and more like herself after her fight with cancer. Praise God! [Politics] Our third flaming hot new page I give credit to my brother Del and our friend Fran. My brother had told me he was thinking of going for Cruz so I decided to send him the information I had been accumulating. Fran then got a hold of me sharing this link about Trump with Oprah 25 years ago: https://www.youtube.com/embed/MOKi5YeNtRI So I sent the info I had for my brother to her. Well, Fran's response to it and a little prayer made me do up this new page... Why Trump? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump.html I'm hoping it may be of some service to you too! * ADDED Video: Fran sent us a wonderful video I just added to this page too! Thanks Fran! -<>- >Our Friend Norma sent us a new recipe. You can check it out here Under Meals And Breads: .-'''''-. |'-----'| /`-.....-`\ | <_} | | .-\-. | _,._ | /# ` \ | __.-` `"""-. | \ / | ..--' `"-. `)_,._ \ '-'-' / (` )--.-"``` `"-.`'-----'` '-----------' ( ) jgs `-------------` Crockpot TACO Mixup By Norma http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html --- ...This sounds delicious! Thanks Norma! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ____ / __\ |: /---) \ / ___ \:( _/ \ / /_ \ \ \ \/ \_\::) \_ \ _0""0_ / _/ \ \/= \/ =\/ / \ | (||) | / \_\______/_/ __// \\__ /__//====\\__\ _ //__//====\\__\\ _ _ //__//====\\__\\ _ _ // /( )\ \\ _ _ / /( )\ \ _ |( )| / \ / /||\ \ \:_/\_:/ S@yaN 11.11.02 A man goes into a seafood restaurant and sees a sign that reads: "Big Red Lobster Tails - $1." Amazed at the value of the offer, he calls a waitress over. "Excuse me," he said. "Is that sign correct?" "Yes sir," she replied. "It's today's special offer." "Fantastic," said the man. "But are you sure they're not small?" "Oh no sir, I can assure you that they are very big." "Are they out of date then?" "No, no sir, they are fresh in this morning." "Well in that case, here's my $1. Fill me up." The waitress took the $1 coin, sat down beside him and said, "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster..." -<>- Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem? -<>- College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them – and sometimes with good reason. "What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student indignantly. "What's it taste like?" asked the cook. "Glue!" "Then it's apple pie – the plum pie tastes like soap." -<>- A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was "$100 = 100% - I get an A." A month later, the student approached the professor. "I don't understand," he said. "I failed the course. Didn't you read my final?" The professor handed the student the exam book. The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase "$50 = 50% - You fail!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 21 is Credit Card Reduction Day and Fragrance Day March 22 is National Goof Off Day March 23 is Melba Toast, National Chip and Dip and Near Miss Day March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day March 25 is Good Friday and Pecan Day and Waffle Day March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and National Spinach Day March 27 is Easter and National "Joe" Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ________ _ _ _ _ _ ____ ___ ______|/ | | | |__| |__| | / __ _/ _====\ |_|_| | | | | | / _____ /_ ____ \ ____ ____ ____ _ _ ____ _ _ | / ____ \ / 0 \ |__| |__/ |___ \_/ | | | | \\/ 0 | \______/ | | | \ |___ | |__| |__| |\___ . | -- .-- _ ____ ____ _ _ _ _ _ ____ - . ( ) _____\ | | | | | |_/ | |\ | | __ | ; ___/ | \ |___ |__| |__| | \_ | | \| |__] \ __/ _ | _| /\ ____ ___ __. | /(_|_| |____/ |__| | _| \ ____ | | | . Fog >Gas Meter At the gas utility where I work, written orders are issued to change meters when they are oldor malfunctioning. On the order sheet is a "remarks" section, where the service representative notes any problems that prevented the job from being completed. The most succinct explanation to ever come back was: "DOG DOES NOT WANT METER TO BE CHANGED." -<>- >Pick Pocket A pick pocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. "Mr. Brewster," the Judge said, "you are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150." After consulting with his client, Mr. Brewster's lawyer stood up and said, "Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd..." -<>- >Where's Mommy? One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked his father, "Where did mommy go?" In answer to his question, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, daddy?" The man had always given his son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime... Then he burst out into laughter, and said, "Come on, Dad! What is it really?" -<>- >Construction by Committee The church congregation decided to build a new church. They asked the deacons to look into the cost of materials and land. After the deacons got price quotes, they realized they wouldn't have enough funds to cover all the expenses without getting a loan. The interest rate was very high, so that was out of the question. After some deliberations they presented their findings to the congregation. 1. Because the cost of land was the highest, they decided to use the land the church was already on. 2. Because materials would have to be ordered special, they would use the materials from the existing building. 3. Until the new building was finished, in order to have services during the construction of it, they would use the old building. Now THAT is a committee at work!!! -<>- >Beauty Shop I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting my hair perm'd, cut and styled. Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay. "Good afternoon!" she said cheerfully. "And who's your appointment with today?" -<>- "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and Hell where they already have it." - Ronald Reagan ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) |><|~|><| /(((9)))\ //) -_- (\\ (((( ._. )))) ))))---(((( ((((`---')))) (___|xXxXx|___) \ | | / / ^ ^ ^ \ / \ (_._._._._._) \ | / ( | ) | | | hjw |-|-| /`-^-'\ (__,^.__) >SMILES A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, "She knows now." -------- When the blonde answered her front door, it was only to hear the sorry tidings, shouted through the crack of the open door, that her husband had been killed. "And that's not the worst of it, Ma'am," said the foreman. "He was run over by a steamroller." "I'm in my bathrobe," said the new widow. "Could you just slip him under the door?" -------- A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No," he sighed forlornly. "I left the tickets on it." -------- "I’d like the number for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man asked the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me 'Snake.'" -------- My cousin was behind the bakery’s cash register one morning when a gunman burst in and demanded all the cash. As she nervously handed over the money, she noticed the rolls of coins in the back of the register. "Do you want the rolls, too?" she asked. Not realizing the woman as alluding to pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters and such, "No," answered the robber, waving his gun. "Just the money." -------- Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some 'incidental' expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," explained the other brother, "you said to 'do something nice for Dad.' So I rented him a tuxedo." -<>- ____,, ,,,,, )` ) _\ / _ | / ( "\" '/' c (___| =_/) |_- | ___/ /___ ___\ \____ /` \__ _\`\ _ _ /` ~ `\ / /_/__)__) \_/_)-, ,-(_\_/ )._/_ . \ \ / _/\ ( )/\____(_/ \_)____/\ ) '\_ \ \ | \ ( )/ / | / \ | ) )\ / ___/ | / _ /_/ (_.____\ /|_/' \ \_\_ /// / )/ ) / \/ | \\\ \ | | | | / \ | | | | / )` )` ) (` ( `( / ( / \ ) \ \ / / \ \ / )/)/ )()( /(/'\ / '| \ -----/_/ \_\------ b'ger -----/ _|(_ \----- >Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created: 10. God knew that Adam would become lost in the Garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out. 7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist, or haircut appointments for himself. 6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put out the garbage. 5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Adam needed someone to catch him when he did the wrong thing. And remind him of it endlessly. 2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone. ... and the Number One Reason Eve Was Created: 1. When God finished creating Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that." --- ...OH MY! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) -="""--.._ ""--...._\ ,b:--....---. || //'""------"' _.l+----.// .&$""' .'"=.. '. / | | ) \ _.-'@_.' '@_/ | .' " \ -._,-'^"""^'-, `. ,\""---___ |.. _.--._, \ .-"(,_\_""" _.' ' _,-; '"` ` " """' """' | |__ ,+ |-.`o o'"/| #| oO Oo"./ (#| | "|_, | '|> \ / `l ,' |,-----||' pjy lj lJ o@o o@o " " >The Helpful Lifeline It was a typical night of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire... Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... But if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!" Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it... A - Robin B - Sparrow C - Cuckoo D - Thrush Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars." "I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%... No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure." Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?" Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham." (ringing) Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..." Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to get to a Million. The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara." Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it: A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush" Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo." Barbara: "You think?" Maggie: "I'm sure." Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up) Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?" Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo" Regis: "Is that your final answer?" Barbara: "It is." Regis: "Are you confident?" Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet." Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara!" (The audience goes wild) That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest? Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock!" --- ...HaHa! A Great classic! Thanks Bunni! ======================================================= _.--._ .-_.-" "-. "._ `~._ `-._ `. ." ,-. '. .' ( o) _ / .^ / `~" / o\ .^ ; `=- . _ / '-./_^. / './_ `. . _.-= \ / .^. `~ ~ ~. _ _ `-._.- / / .' `._ `-./ / "=-._ ." /.' `---. .`--="| | \_ / \ ` | | \ \ "._| \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ | | | \ \_.`-.\ \ / LGB ',_ _-=" \ \ / -,-,=._ .-" | |`-._,-"`._ \ `,.-" | \| \ `._,-" \ "-._ "-._ \ "-._ "-._ / _.=='_.==" ".-=:._/ >-->From Our Friend gh0striders :) [edited Et-Ahems!] >$50,000 dollars crumpled up With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No" said her husband. She gave him a cute little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her, and smiled approvingly. She then asked, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" “No I haven't," He said with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another coy little smile, unzipped her skirt, letting It drop to the floor seductively reached down and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. "Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?" "No way!" he said, even more curious to what would happen next. She replied sweetly: "Go look in the garage." -<>- >Finally, a good gun story A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a Colt 45 with an eight shot clip and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife." A voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!" -<>- >Green Bay A MAN IN A FLORIDA SUPERMARKET TRIES TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE. THE VERY YOUNG PRODUCE ASSISTANT TELLS HIM THAT THEY SELL ONLY WHOLE HEADS OF LETTUCE. THE MAN PERSISTS AND ASKS TO SEE THE MANAGER. THE BOY SAYS HE'LL ASK HIS MANAGER ABOUT IT. WALKING INTO THE BACK ROOM, THE BOY SAID TO HIS MANAGER, 'SOME CLOWN WANTS TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE.' AS HE FINISHED HIS SENTENCE, HE TURNED TO FIND THE MAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HIM, SO HE ADDED, 'AND THIS GENTLEMAN HAS KINDLY OFFERED TO BUY THE OTHER HALF.' THE MANAGER APPROVED THE DEAL, AND THE MAN WENT ON HIS WAY. LATER THE MANAGER SAID TO THE BOY, 'I WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE WAY YOU GOT YOURSELF OUT OF THAT SITUATION EARLIER. WE LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK ON THEIR FEET HERE. WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SON?' 'GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN, SIR,' THE BOY REPLIED. 'WELL, WHY DID YOU LEAVE GREEN BAY?' THE MANAGER ASKED. THE BOY SAID, 'SIR, THERE'S NOTHING BUT SLUTS AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS UP THERE.' 'REALLY?' SAID THE MANAGER. 'MY WIFE IS FROM GREEN BAY .' 'NO KIDDING?' REPLIED THE BOY. 'WHAT POSITION DID SHE PLAY?' -<>- >The freebe "ITALIAN CRUISE..." A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're alive" With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold. From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy." "I see," the captain says. Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's been having his way with me." She blushed. "He certainly has been," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." --- ...Oh for goodness sake! LOL! Thanks gh0striders! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >All the conservative news: http://rightalerts.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A San Francisco homeless man will get a $100,000 reward for helping authorities capture two of the three inmates who escaped an Orange County prison in January. Matthew Hay- Chapman, 55, spotted escaped inmates Hossein Nayeri and Jonathan Tieu in a stolen van near a Whole Foods Market in San Francisco on Jan. 30. The Orange County Board of Supervisors decided that Chapman should receive the largest share of the $150,000 reward. The board also decided Target employees Hazel Javier and Jeffrey Arana will receive $15,000 each for calling the police after spotting the inmates, and Armando Damian, the owner of the stolen van, will get $20,000. In a surprise move, the board awarded nothing to cab driver Long Ma, who was allegedly kidnapped by the inmates, even though his lawyer made an appeal before the supervisors. Hay-Chapman was going to McDonalds on the morning of Jan. 30 for a cup of coffee when he spotted Nayeri getting out of the stolen van in the Whole Foods parking lot. He followed Nayeri into the McDonalds. When he believed he was sure the man was the one of the escapees, he ran out of the McDonalds and flagged down a passing police car, Carrie Braun, Orange County Sheriff's Department spokes- person said. Nayeri, 37, Tieu, 20, and fellow inmate Bac Duong, 43, escaped from the Orange County Central Men's Jail on Jan. 22, sparking a manhunt across California. Duong turned himself in on Jan. 29 and, with Hay-Chapman's help, the other two were caught the following day. "He is the guy who deserves the reward," Shawn Nelson, supervisor for Orange County's 4th District said. "He was fully engaged in helping catch the bad guys." *------------ A Horse of a Different Color ------------* Research has consistently reported childhood cruelty to animals as the first warning sign of later delinquency, violence, and criminal behavior. So we can only speculate on the severe psychological and emotional problems of the perpetrator or perpetrators who tortured a horse in New Holland, Pa. Maybe this is what passes for entertainment in Pa, but an abandoned horse was found riddled with more than 100 paintball remnants at New Holland Sales Stables after sales ended for the day. Kelly Smith, who found the horse, said, "It's incomprehensible to me that someone could, in good conscience, do this to a living creature who can't defend themselves." The horse is being nursed back to health at the University of Pennsylvania's School of Veterinary Medicine. *-- I Thought This Only Happened in the Movies --* WAYNE, N.J. - An armored truck in New Jersey dropped a bag full of money on a local highway, stopping traffic as bills were strewn about the road. A bag of cash fell out of a Guarda truck headed west on Route 46 in Wayne, N.J. A passing truck then struck the bag, causing bills to fly into the air. Witness Paul Redman said that the bills were spread all across the roadway as traffic came to a stop. "Take a look up and I see massive amounts of money flying down the high- way," he said. "So I walk out a little further and you can see it's just $20 bills all over the place." The driver and several civilians attempted to scoop up the loose bills, but police said only some returned the money. It's unclear how much money was lost or how the bag fell out of the truck, but Redman said it seemed the truck's back door flew open. *-------- Woman Steals Ambulance For Free Ride --------* A woman was arrested on a charge of larceny after allegedly stealing an ambulance because she wanted a free ride, police in North Carolina said. Charlotte-Mecklenburg police said that they have arrested 36-year-old Autumn Prieschl, after being accused of driving off with an ambulance belonging to the Carolinas Medical Center. Investigators said that the woman was not high, mentally unstable or ill. She said that all she wanted was a free ride. When people noticed the woman stealing the ambulance, they notified the police. All ambulances are equipped with GPS trackers, so the police knew immediately where the ambulance was located. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) [Politics} >Quiz: . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` Which of the following names are you familiar with? 1. Monica Lewinski 2. Bill Clinton 3. Hillary Clinton 4. Adolph Hitler 5. Jorge Bergoglio 6. Lance Armstrong 7. Vladimir Putin 8. Linda Lovelace 9. Saddam Hussein 10. O.J. Simpson . . . . . You had trouble with #5? . . . Shame on you!! . . . You know all the criminals, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope?? Lovely, just lovely! --- ...Well? LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >Famous Presidential Lies Contest Written by, To The Point News LBJ: None of our boys will die on foreign soil Nixon: I am not a crook GHW Bush: Read my lips - No New Taxes Clinton: I did not have S with that woman... Miss Lewinski GW Bush: Iraq has weapons of mass destruction Obama: I will have the most transparent administration in history. The stimulus will fund shovel-ready jobs. I am focused like a laser on creating jobs. The IRS is not targeting anyone. It was a spontaneous riot about a movie. I will put an end to the type of politics that "breeds division, conflict and cynicism". You didn't build that! I will restore trust in Government. The Cambridge cops acted stupidly. The public will have 5 days to look at every bill that lands on my desk. It's not my red line - it is the world's red line. Whistle blowers will be protected in my administration. We got back every dime we used to rescue the banks and auto companies, with interest. I am not spying on American citizens. Obama Care will be good for America. You can keep your family doctor. Premiums will be lowered by $2500. If you like it, you can keep your current healthcare plan. It's just like shopping at Amazon. I knew nothing about "Fast and Furious" gunrunning to Mexican drug cartels. I knew nothing about IRS targeting conservative groups. I knew nothing about what happened in Benghazi. I have never known my uncle from Kenya who is in the country illegally and that was arrested and told to leave the country over 20 years ago. And, I have never lived with that uncle. He finally admitted (12-05-2013) that he DID know his uncle and that he DID live with him. If elected I promise not to renew the Patriot Act. If elected I will end the war in Iraq and Afghanistan within the 1st 9 months of my term. I will close Guantanamo within the first 6 months of my term. I will bridge the gap between black and white and between America and other countries. And the biggest one of all: "I, Barrack Hussein Obama, pledge to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America." I believe we have a winner. --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >Conservative Daily A lot of people have brought up the fact that they won't vote for Trump if he's the eventual nominee. I just want to put something in perspective. Justice Scalia's seat is vacant. Ginsberg is 82 years old, Kennedy is 79, Breyer is 77, and Thomas is 67. Nowadays, the data shows that the average age of a Supreme Court retirement or death occurs after 75. These are 5 vacancies that will likely come up over the next 4-8 years. The next President will have the power to potentially create a 7-2 Supreme Court skewed in their ideology. Think about that... 7-2. If the next President appoints 5 young justices, it will guarantee control of the Supreme Court for an entire generation. 7-2 decisions will hold up much more over time than 5-4 decisions which are seemed to be lacking in mandate. Hillary has made it clear she will use the Supreme Court to go after the 2nd Amendment. She has literally said that the Supreme Court was wrong in its Heller decision stating that the Court should overturn and remove the individual right to keep and bear arms. Period. Everyone saying that they won't vote for one candidate or the other if they are the GOP nominee, please realize this. If Hillary Clinton wins and gets to make these appointments, you likely will never see another Conservative victory at the Supreme Court level for the rest of your life. Ever. Now, this is scary! If you are a Conservative, a vote for anyone but the GOP nominee, whomever that will be, is a vote for Hillary Clinton. --- ...Good point! Thanks Geniann! And we all know how Hillary feels about abortion - doesn't care if the baby is aborted right up to delivery time! She supports partial birth abortion giving the woman full discretion to abort at any time. After 3 months, in my view, that is just murder! AND Here's another good point... >Franklin Graham - Take A Stand! Franklin Graham, the CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, delivered the remarks at the Jacksonville Pastors’ Conference in January of 2015: “America has changed, and it’s not coming back unless the church takes a stand. There are storms that are coming. We find ourselves in these storms, and many times we as church run, and we run to the wrong place. You see, Jesus is in the boat. All we have to do is call him. Call his name. But the secularist and the humanists, you mention the name of Christ, and they jump all over you.” The Rev. Franklin Graham, preaching to a crowd of about 2,600, urged the audience to get involved in local elections like school board races just as much as congressional races, because such action is desperately needed in an America far different than the one in which his father, the Rev. Billy Graham, grew up. Read More: http://newsok.com/article/5388053 ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _.-""""-. ( ': '. .___.' : : _.."----".._ .-" "-. ." ". .":.".. .' `. : '.' : :" "": : .-" .'""-: .-"""-. :": : : ". .' `. : " '-._ : : _:" : : "" : : : : _ : : : '. : : : `#. ' : : _:. : '. ' `#. : grp : '._ .' : . ." .-" :"-._ _.-" (_. '. ""------"" (_.: . : '.:`-' .::"- .:::::. .':::::::: ' `::::' " >A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING: Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. -<>- A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother: "Who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?" "That's your father." "Then who's that old, fat bald man who lives with us now?" -<>- A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?" The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son." The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son." Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!" -<>- A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I laid the law down firmly with my husband. I told him, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since." -<>- While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight- year-old son. Mom couldn't help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember, run to Daddy first, then the dog." -<>- "Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police sergeant asked the detective. "Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other. "Asked him every question we could think of." "And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant. "Not exactly," explained the officer. "All he'd say was, 'Yes dear,' and doze off." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy ** Friends are like aspirin, no one knows exactly how they make a sick person feel better, but they do. ** An individual has a healthy personality to the exact degree to which they have the propensity to look for the good in every situation." - Ralph Waldo Emerson ** "Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." ~~-- Voltaire ** In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man- if you want anything done, ask a woman. ~~--Margaret Thatcher- ** "Getting Real will help you feel better about how you think, and lead you to pathways of solution or resolve." -- Jeffrey Gitomer ** "Everything that you do or say that raises the self-esteem of another raises yours as well." ~~-- Brian Tracy ** "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." ~~-- Eleanor Roosevelt ** "Seek beauty and miss love./ But seek love and find both." ~~-- Mac Lucado ** "Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of attention." Jim Rohn ** "Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come." -- Og Mandino -<>- >TIME MANAGEMENT There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!" The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?" -<>- >Murphy's Law at Work ** - There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over. ** - When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" ** - When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. -<>- >Winter in Chicago It's good that most cars have wires in the rear window to clear the fog and frost. Some cars even have wires under the wipers to free them when they're frozen. But what we really need is wires along the back of the trunk, to keep your hands warm while you're pushing! -<>- >Top 10 Signs Your Baptism Service Is In Trouble 10. The Coast Guard has to become involved in some unexpected way. 9. The service is held at "Splash Mountain Water Park." 8.The Pastor has to wear a frogman outfit complete with air tanks into the water. 7. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from JAWS. 6. The preacher uses plastic animated `Billy the Bass' singing "take me down to the river" instead of the traditional shall we gather at the river. 5. You hear the pastor say, "Oops! Honestly, sister, I didn't know about that drop-off." 4. The pastor can't get the rather large person being baptized back up out of the water and calls for "Help!" 3. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear and packing a cooler. 2. Just as the choir starts to sing, the Crocodile Hunter jumps out of the water and wrestles the preacher into submission. And the Number 1 Sign Your Baptism service is not going as it should.... 1. Two Words: Alka Seltzer -<>- >SPIRITUAL FRUIT 1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts. 2. Dear God, I have a problem, it Is me. 3. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. 4. If you worry, do not pray. If you pray... do not worry. 5. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday. 6. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still; God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot. 7. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry. 8. He who dies with the most things is still dead. -<>- >VALID IDENTIFICATION During a readiness exercise, my friend Jim and I, Air Force security policemen, were guarding entry to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept. When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it. "I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped. "After all, it is my plane." "Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but it's sitting in my garage!" -<>- >Inspirational Posters For The Cubicle Era ** Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. ** If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. ** Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. ** Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ** Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity ** A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat. ** If at first you don't succeed, try management. ** Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. ** TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself. ** The beatings will continue until morale improves. ** Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. ** We waste time, so you don't have to. ** Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away! ** Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. ** A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. ** When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. ** INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY. ** Succeed in spite of management. ** Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment -<>- >Going To Church For the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her parish priest to tell him, "Father, I'm so scared! Joe says he's going to hurt me if I continue to come to your church." "Yes, yes, my child," replied Father Francis McCrady, more than a little tired of hearing this over and over. "I will continue to pray for you, Mrs. Youngston. Have faith - the Lord will watch over you." "Oh yes, Father, he has kept me safe thus far, only....." "Only what, my child?" "Well, Father, now he says if I keep coming to your church, he's going to hurt YOU!" "Well, now," said the priest, "Perhaps it's time to check out Father Lawrence Greider's parish over on the other side of town." -<>- >A SHORT TAKE Rumor has it that the propeller on any light aircraft is only there to keep the pilot and passengers cool. What, you don’t believe this? If it stops, watch them start to sweat. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Easter Index!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easterindex.html Humorous Signs 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns2.html Taking A Catnap 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap2.html Did You See That 2?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html Life's Little Oops 13!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops13.html Got A Nanosecond 4?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano4.html Look Who's Talking 9!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking9.html Thoughts Into Action 7!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action7.html My How You've Grown!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grown.html Up Close And Personal 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal3.html Right Angle Photography 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto2.html MacGyver - How To Do It 6!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver6.html Secrets Of The Secret Service!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/secrets.html Woman Cops Around The World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womancops.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Could this replace NASCAR? What could possibly go wrong here? Three-Car-Train-of-Death Racing http://tinyurl.com/njbyrz7 The Lady Has Got Class - James Bond Class that is! https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/5wj-1zcYWHk?rel=0 --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks Geniann! I've seen this before with a dog but never with a cat!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rynvewVe21Y --- ...Wow! Dolphins are so cool! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) You don't have to speak French to understand what's going on in this contest of strength between a beautiful and strong magician's assistant and Olivier de Benoist. The magician is Peter Marvey and he appears to have found the world's strongest woman to be his assistant as he performs this illusion on the French television show The Greatest Cabaret in the World. Perhaps the magic is in the buckets though and we are all just too distracted by the beautiful assistants to notice The Magic Buckets are easier to lift than normal buckets of water. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsRPDF2D2n0&feature=player_embedded An entertaining look at 10 different ways to be happy as shown to us by various animals. There are some words of wisdom in here in this video provided to us by the Heartwarming Animals YouTube Channel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoFK2ICp9ok&feature=player_embedded --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "According to the Annual World Happiness Report, the United States is the 13th happiest country in the world. You know what the happiest country in the world is? Denmark. Danish people are the happiest. Of course they're happy, they have a pastry named after them." -Jimmy Kimmel "Amazon's got this new voice-activated home assistant gadget called the Echo. You just talk to the Echo, and it tells you the weather or sports scores or controls the lighting or climate in your house. Now, the Echo is always listening, but it only activates when you say its name: Alexa. It's a pretty name, much prettier than the earlier name, the privacy- destroyer spy-mic 5000." -Stephen Colbert "In last night's Democratic debate, Hillary Clinton said that several times a day, she speaks to God. But never for under $100,000." -Conan O'Brien "Every appliance with a clock should have a Daylight Savings button to push. You'd only use it twice a year, but that's more than I use the 'Potato' button on my microwave." -Jimmy Kimmel "It's Daylight Savings Time. Why does it have to happen on the weekend? Why can't they do it on a Wednesday at 4:00? 'Hey look, now it's 5:00. Time to go home!'"-Stephen Colbert "A Florida man went to court for the right to marry his laptop computer. He said his laptop is just like a wife because whenever he brings it into bed, it freezes." -Conan O'Brien "Harley-Davidson is recalling more than 100,000 motorcycles because of a problem with the clutch that could cause crashes. As opposed to that other thing that causes crashes: dads in a mid-life crisis who have no business riding a Harley." -Jimmy Fallon The all-you-can-eat chain Hometown Buffet has filed for bank- ruptcy. A spokesperson for the company said, 'Good Grief, we didn't realize just how much Americans can eat!'" -Conan O'Brien "The British tabloid, The Mirror, published a story about a woman who faked her own death to break off a relationship after the man wouldn't leave her alone. Ahh, yes, the old 'It's not you, I'm dead' approach." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************