Bizarre Town Names, Facts To Ponder And More... :) Shangy!
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================
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
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================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This sizzling hot new page is from our friend Linda. It is
sure to tickle you funny bone with its perfectly shot photos.
Many will have you doing a 'double-take'! Be sure to check
out this hilarious one here...
?
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Right Angle Photography 5
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto5.html
---
...LOL! So rich! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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A radio announcer was introducing a record, "The next one is for
Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, that's a
ripe old age, isn't it?"
There was a short pause and then the DJ said, "I'm sorry, I got it
wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill."
-<>-
The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes
after ten?"
"A jack," says the little boy.
-<>-
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint
of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the barman.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 9 is Name Yourself Day and Winston Churchill Day
April 10 is Golfer's Day and National Siblings Day
April 11 is Eight Track Tape Day, Barbershop Quartet Day and
National Submarine Day
April 12 is Big Wind Day, Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day, National
Licorice Day, Russian Cosmonaut Day and Walk on Your Wild Side Day
April 13 is Blame Someone Else Day, Friday the 13th, International
Plant Appreciation Day, National Peach Cobbler Day and Scrabble Day
April 14 is Ex Spouse Day, International Moment of Laughter Day,
Look up at the Sky Day, National Dolphin Day, National Pecan Day
and Reach as High as You Can Day
April 15 Income Taxes Due, Rubber Eraser Day, That Sucks Day, Titanic
Remembrance Day and World Art Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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jgs |=|
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>Vacuum
While attending an open house, my wife was taken with the home's modern
features, especially the central vacuum system installed within the
walls.
But she had a practical question: "What do you do when all the walls
fill up?"
-<>-
You keeping us on course,
Little buddy? \
Yes, Skipper \ __________________________
H | ____ _____
___ O | |____| |_____|
|\_ --------__,+-_____________________|____________________-------
\ `===#==__|__/\____|_____|_______|_______|_______|_____-------
\
| ss. minnow
\
~~~~-\_ /~~=._ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~ =/ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
-Zeus
>The Navy Experience
The younger readers will probably not relate to this, however anyone
who has spent a hitch in the military, especially the Navy or Coast
Guard, will find this all-too-familiar. Most of it was emailed to me
by a friend who added some comments from his own experiences. Reminds
me of all those months where my rack (that's a bed) was right next to
a steam line ..... - Tom
* * * * * *
I am speaking today on behalf of those of us who have family members
that think we live (or lived) a "TOP GUN" existence. You know, those
relatives who have watched one too many episodes of JAG, and think
that Navy life is glamorous. I have a few suggestions for these
people on how they can experience Navy life, right in the comfort of
their own homes.
1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months
straight. Have someone move it around during the days AND the nights.
2. Run all of your house piping and wires on the outside of the walls.
3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, rank water into your basement, then pump
it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray". You must then
pump this kind of nasty water back into and out of your basement twice a day.
4. In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your
driveway. Have you family stand watches at the podium, rotating at
4-hour intervals.
5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawn
mower. Have your father-in-law "spot-check" you every four weeks and
give you an assessment of your technique.
6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up
to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10
degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that
they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.
7. Raise your bed to within 12 inches of the ceiling.
8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5:00 a.m., and
blow a whistle and shout in his loudest voice, "Reveille, Reveille,
all hands heave out and trice up".
9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do
the following day, then you take a ladder at 6:00 a.m., climb up to
your roof, then back down, and then stand in the back yard at
attention until 6:25 so she can come out and read it to you.
10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days
straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign
on it that reads "Secured - contact OA DIV at ext. -3053".
11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's OK
for you to leave your house before 3:00 p.m.
12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then
board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After
the 6 months is up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty,
wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home
.... you can't leave until the next day.
13. Shower together with above-mentioned friends. No one can use more
than 60 seconds of worth of shower water, and you can only use
hand-towels to dry off.
14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your
home (i.e. dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc). Make sure
they get signatures for each step of operation, and then give them an
oral review conducted by three other previously-qualified operators
before allowing them to operate the appliance.
15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every
fifteen minutes. Check the oil and transmission fluid levels once every
four hours even if the car has not been started. Record your readings
in a log.
16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere.
This is to ensure your engine is properly "lit off".
17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway
three times a day, whether they need it or not.
18. Repaint your entire house once a month.
19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and
seasoning you can get your hands on.
20. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, randomly
losing every 5th item.
21. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch
CNN and the Weather Channel.
22. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
23. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
24. Have your son power-nail the aluminum siding on your house after
your neighbors have gone to bed. Then yell at him for not doing his
job when he stops to explain that you told him to do it.
25. When your children have been in bed for 3 hours, run into their
room with a megaphone, and shout at the top of your lungs that your
home is under attack, and order them to man their battle stations.
Have them do it over again if they are not dressed and on station in
four minutes.
26. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that
you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line at the
front door for at least an hour. When they finally get to the
kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but that you have dried
ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don't pay attention to the
menu any more and they just ask for hot dogs.
-<>-
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>Garden Gnome
A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house
cat appears. "What are you?" asks the cat.
"A gnome," comes the reply. "I steal food from humans, I kill their
plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, and I
love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?"
The cat replies, "Um, I'm a gnome."
-<>-
>Dinner Party
My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we
hadn't seen for ages, and everyone was encouraged to bring their
children along as well. All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's
four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her. The girl
could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my
hair in place; but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my
best to just ignore her, but finally it was too much for me.
I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went
quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a
fish."
-<>-
>Water in the Glass
A well-known proverb states that an optimistic would say a glass
is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty. What
would people of different professions and walks of life say?
The GOVERNMENT would say that the glass is fuller than if the
opposition party were in power.
The OPPOSITION would say that it is irrelevant because the present
administration has changed the way such volume statistics are
collected.
The ECONOMIST would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller
than at the same time last year.
The PHILOSOPHER would say that, if the glass were in the forest and
no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?
The PSYCHIATRIST would ask, "What did your mother say about the glass?"
The PHYSICIST would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided
into two equal parts: one a colorless, odorless liquid; the other a
colorless, odorless gas. Thus, the cylinder is neither full nor empty.
Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a
liquid.
The SEASONED DRINKER would say that the glass doesn't have enough
ice in it.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
,-""-.
/--. \ .-.-'`-~
| () ) |<_.-.
\--' / `~._ `~'
`-..-' `- hjw
>SMILES
"Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes."
The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you
seen an ophthalmologist?"
"No," replied the patient, "just spots."
----------
A guy was known among his friends to be very brief an
to the point - he really never said too much.
One day, a saleswoman promoting Avon knocked on his door and
asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home.
"Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there
for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him an asked,
"May I ask where your wife is?"
"She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming back?"
"I don't really know," he said.. "She's been there eleven
years now!"
----------
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while
waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
"Then why did you eat him?"
----------
"Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" asked the police
sergeant.
"Yeah, we browbeat him, asking every question we could." answered
the arresting officer.
"And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant.
"Not exactly." replied the officer. "All he said was, 'Yes Dear,'
and dozed off."
----------
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist
and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've
been trying for months now, Doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get
pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure we'll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If
you'll just take off your underpants and get up on the examining
table..."
"Well, all right, Doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd
rather have my husband's baby."
----------
The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the
telephone when it rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of
ten, it's for you!"
----------
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
--------
_
, L\
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|/ \
/_\ `
_\ |_ Arjen Pilon
A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security
guard to the arresting officer who took her away, complaining and
criticizing throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had stolen
from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "Nine, but what do you care about that?"
The judge patiently said, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you
nine days in jail -- one day for each peach."
As the judge was about to drop gavel, the lady's long suffering husband
raised his hand and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?"
The husband said, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."
--------
Al-Qaeda, trying to persuade a yokel to volunteer for the Muslim Air
Force. He took him inside the aircraft and explained, "You press this
yellow button and the engine will start.
"Then you press the blue button and the plane will take off. It is
all very simple."
"But how do I bring the plane down?" asked the yokel, puzzled.
"You don't have to brother about that," explained al-Qaeda. "Leave
that to the US Air Force."
--------
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was
walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die
you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge. No sir! I promised myself that when
I got out of the Army, I'd never stand in another line!"
--------
.-"""-. _.---..-;
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bug
Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The
general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies
like a duck... it's probably a duck," and shoots at it but misses and
the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead and the pathologist looks at it, then looks
through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings,
yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to
shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost
without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and
says, "Go see if that was a duck."
--------
I was very scared about going to the eye doctor to get a certain
procedure done on my eyes.
The doctor tried to put me at ease but to no avail.
It was after he finished with my first eye that I nearly jumped out of
the chair.
"There there", he said "only one eye left!"
---
...OH My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
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>Did You Know?
People with blue eyes see better in dark.
Money isn't made out of paper, it is made out of cotton.
A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it go mad instantly
and sting itself to death.
A huge underground river runs underneath the Nile, with six times more
water than the river above.
The USA uses 29% of the world's petrol and 33% of the world's
electricity.
The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the
mosquito.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people.
We exercise at least 30 muscles when we smile.
Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system: it warms cold air,
cools hot air and filters impurities.
Our brain is more complex than the most powerful computer and has
over 100 billion nerve cells.
German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person
looks at something pleasing
Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have
the buttons on the left.
It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to
make a film about it.
The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound
of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in
the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air.
---
...Wow! Cool Info! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Still Rising: Rasmussen Poll Shows Donald Trump Approval Ratings Now
at 51 Percent - Breitbart
https://tinyurl.com/yaxpsrfq
Sessions Credits Trump with Stopping Migrant Caravan
- The Hill
https://tinyurl.com/y728p7e4
A Common Sense Approach to the Census Citizenship Question
- The Hill
https://tinyurl.com/yc2sugte
Trump Has Not Forgotten Rural America’s Needs, Contributions
- Lexington Herald Leader
https://tinyurl.com/yacowrbf
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
The only way to have more money is to spend less of it or
make more of it. Or, you could steal it. But how? Run into
a bank waving a gun around? That's a good way to get shot.
One entrepreneur in Arizona came up with a creative way to
make his circumstances work for him.
A firefighter who was deep in debt lit fires and then stole
cash from his colleagues who were working to extinguish the
flames, according to police.
Phoenix police said that they have arrested 36-year-old Ryan
Donahue after being accused of stealing cash from at least
8 fire stations. Donahue was charged with theft, arson,
burglary, and criminal damage. He has since been placed on
unpaid leave.
According to the police investigation, Donahue was a fire-
fighter for the past 11 years. Recently, Donahue began
struggling with drugs and he accumulated a lot of debt.
Donahue decided to steal cash from his colleagues. He
intentionally set fires, and when his colleagues went out
of the fire stations to fight the fires, Donahue went inside
and took cash from their wallets.
Donahue admitted to stealing cash from his colleagues on at
least 8 occasions.
It sounds like he could have made more money as an arsonist.
-<>-
A police sergeant is facing suspension after failing a
random drug test, according to police in New York.
The New York Police Department suspended 43-year-old Tracy
Gittens, a police sergeant, for 30 days after a strand of
her hair tested positive for marijuana.
Gittens defended herself, saying that the strand of hair
that was tested did not belong to her. She explained that
on the day of the random test, she was wearing human hair
extensions and that was tested.
Gittens said that only her hair extensions showed signs of
marijuana use but her own her tested negative.
She went to a private lab and got additional testing.
Gittens claimed that those tests showed that she never used
marijuana. During her tribunal, Gittens affirmed that she
does not use marijuana.
However, prosecutors blasted her defense, saying that a DNA
test showed that the hair was from Gittens and not hair
extensions.
After being confronted with the evidence, Gittens changed
her story and claimed that she may have accidentally used
marijuana.
*----------- Sing a Song of Sixpence -----------*
A pocket full of rye, six and twenty finches stuffed in
their socks. That's a lot of finches to smuggle into the
country. Federal authorities said two men were arrested at
a New York airport for trying to concealed 26 live birds
in hair curlers. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said
New York residents Victor Benjamin and Insaf Ali were
stopped at John F. Kennedy International Airport after
arriving from Guyana. The men were found to be concealing
26 live finches that were placed inside hair curlers and
stuffed into their socks. Granted, finches are small birds,
but that's still pretty impressive. Finches from Guyana
are prized for their singing voices. "Although certain
species of finch are available in the United States,
species from Guyana are believed to sing better and are
therefore more highly sought after," Gabriel Harper of the
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said. "An individual willing
to smuggle finches into the United States from Guyana can
earn a large profit by selling these birds in the New York
area."
*------ 13-Year-Old Running for Governor ------*
A candidate seeking the Democratic nomination for Vermont
governor is facing a unique set of challenges due to one
simple factor -- he's only 13. Ethan Sonneborn, a Bristol
eighth grader facing two challengers for the Democratic
nomination in the August primary, has made gun control a
centerpiece of his campaign since he announced his political
ambitions last year. "My generation has been taking an
important step in this because we're the ones were getting
shot," Sonneborn said. Vermont Democratic Party Executive
Director Conor Casey said Sonneborn's age gives his campaign
some unique challenges. "It's funny, his biggest barrier is
complications to being in school while simultaneously
running for governor -- not that I'm advocating that he drop
out," Casey said. "Also, not having a driver's license. He's
dependent on other people for rides to statewide events he
speaks at." Vermont Secretary of State Jim Condos said the
state currently has no age-based restrictions for
gubernatorial candidates, but his office will likely be
discussing establishing a minimum age in the next year.
*------- Jesus Is The Light of The World -------*
Jesus might be the light of the world, but one teenager
would never know about it without the light of the taser.
An Arizona mother was arrested after police say she used a
taser to wake up her 16-year-old for an Easter church
service. Sharron Dobbins, 40, told police in Phoenix that
she "only sparked the taser to get the kids up for church
on Easter," according to court records. An 18-year-old and
17-year-old were also in the room of the apartment and
witnessed the incident on April 1. Police found the taser
and impounded it as evidence. The victim "did not complain
of any pain," according to police, but did have two small
bumps on his leg that he said were left by the taser.
*---- Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace ----*
A Nevada dad stole the scene at the moment of his daughter's
engagement when he interrupted the proposal with a sign
reading, "SAY NO." Levi Bliss, 23, conspired with his
relatives and the family of Allison Barron, 22, to surprise
his intended while he popped the question in a scenic
location. Bliss had Barron's family set up letters spelling
"Marry Me?" on the side of a large hill and he then took his
girlfriend driving past the display and stopped to
officially propose. Barron's family hid in the bushes nearby
and her father interrupted the proposal unexpectedly by
popping out holding a sign reading, "SAY NO." Barron told
Inside Edition it was another of her father's famous "dad
jokes." The couple said the only one not amused by the sign
was Bliss' mom. "She was kind of mad about it," Bliss said.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
.
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| | | | | | |
| | | | _________|
|_________\ | |
| | ~| | |
| | | | | | |
| OOOOOOOOO| |
| OOO OOO |
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>You Were Adopted!
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones
will pick you up in 20 minutes."
-<>-
>Sleeping Problem
Doctor: "I've found a great new drug that can help you with your
sleeping problem."
Patient: "Great, how often do I have to take it?"
Doctor: "Every two hours."
-<>-
>What Happened To Your Ears?
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what
had happened to her ears?
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up
the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to
your other ear?"
"The son-of-a-gun called back!"
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: It held up a pair of pants.
Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts!
Q: What duck walks on two legs?
A: All ducks walk on two legs!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator!
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned.
Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A: A headbanger.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_________
|o^o^o^o^o|
{ _!_ }
\ ! /
`. .'
)=(
( + )
) (
.--' `--.
`---------'
hjw
A priest had the weight of the world on his shoulders and
was showing the effects. The church sent him to a
psychiatrist, who ordered him to take a week off. So the
priest left his religious paraphernalia behind him and
went to a neighboring city. He got himself a nice room and
went to the hotel bar to relax with a couple stiff drinks.
A waitress in a short skirt and low-cut uniform came over
and asked, "What'll it be, Father?"
The priest felt to see if he was still wearing his collar
by mistake, but he had none on.
"How did you know I'm a priest?" he asked.
The waitress said, "I'm Sister Mary Margaret. We go to the
same psychiatrist!"
-<>-
This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless
man, I asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until Last week, I still had it all! All my
meals were prepared for me, my room was cleaned, my clothes
were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV,
internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could
still go to school."
I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"No, nothing like that," he said. "I got out of prison."
-<>-
It just dawned on me why Mayberry from 'The Andy Griffith
Show' was so peaceful and quiet ....nobody was married!
Here are the single people that come to mind. Andy, Aunt
Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T.
Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara... in
fact, the only one who was married was Otis, and he was
the town drunk.
-<>-
______
|x ||
/__/-'
________ ,
_| .| ,---.
|:| .| 0/0 ?
\| .| ,==|D_|\===,
|________| '| : == \
__|___|__ __/_|___:____|/<___
[_________] ,--------, b'ger
========/
On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jew who
was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son to
Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots,
it's a great school, and completely secular.
After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, "By
the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the
Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost."
The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son
by the shoulders and declares, "Danny, I'm going to tell
you something now and I want you never to forget it. There
is only one God... and we don't believe in him!"
-<>-
The wife left a note on the fridge:
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay with
my mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold.
I wonder what the heck she is talking about?
-<>-
.-. .-. .-. .-.
\ * / \ ~@~ /
)=*=( );;;(
/*._.*\ / \
/ \ / \
/*._.*._.*\ / ;@; \
/ \ / }~{ \
/*._.*._.*._.*\ / }~~~{ \
/ \ / }~~~~~{ \ lc
'*._.*._.*._.*._.*' '.__}~~~~~~~{__.'
One day Ole and Sven were paging through the Sears Catalog
and admiring all the beautiful models.
Ole said to Sven, "Haf you seen da perdy girls in dis
catalog?"
Sven replied, "Ya. Dey sure are bootiful, an yust look at
da prices!"
Ole looked wide eyed and said, "Yumpin' yimminy. Dey ain't
very expensive. At dees prices I'm buyin' me vun."
Sven smiled, patted Ole on the back and said, "by golly Ole,
if she's as perdy as she looks in da catalog, I vill get vun
too."
Three weeks later Sven came by and asked Ole, "did ja ever
git dat girl you ordered from da Sears Catalog?"
Ole replied, "no, but it von't be long now, her clothes came
yesterday!"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
___ _ __ _ ___ _ _
|===| (_) __ / _|(_)|_ _||_\/_|
|= =|__ _|==|_ \__||_| |_| |__|
|= =|::| |.|:|==|
|=|=|::|_|.|:|==|_____(mruqe.)_____
>Bizarre Town Names
Horneytown, North Carolina
Whynot, North Carolina
Hicksville, Ohio
Knockemstiff, Ohio
Slaughterville, Oklahoma
Idiotville, Oregon
Virginville, Pennsylvania
Sweet Lips, Tennessee
Ding Dong, Texas
Looneyville, Texas
Butts, Virginia
Imalone, Wisconsin
Toad Suck, Texas
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Unalaska, Alaska
French Lick, Indiana
Kissimmee, Florida
-<>-
_
/_\
.'-'.
.' '.
'_________'
( )
|.---------.|
|: Blinker :|
|: Fluid :|
|'---------'|
(___________)LGB
>Signs you've bought a lemon of a car:
As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush
out with a gigantic smile and high-five the salesman.
The jumper cables are not in the trunk but are permanently
soldered to the battery.
The hood has been equipped with a push-button device for
quick and easy opening.
The "Purchased From" sticker at the bottom of the rear
license plate has been removed.
You get a "Good Luck" card from the previous owner.
As you drive up to a service station for gas, the mechanic
opens the big door and waves you in.
When you leave for work the next morning, you notice a tow
truck parked about a block from your driveway. As you go
by, it silently falls in behind you.
The little "Service Engine" warning signal in the dashboard
comes on and reads "Me Again."
-<>-
Seem to be or not seem to be....
\
,,,,,,
/e ''(
(_ ` \
___> \
/ ,_\-.___ \_
/ _)/ / \
| \ / ` _ |
__\____/ / ' |
/ _ /______/
/ _/ \,_____/o (
\__)/` \
/ \__________/_/_
_/ \ \ )/ \
/ / | /\ (
\_____/ ___/ \ \ _/ \
______/_/___|_| ) \ /
/ o\ o\ / / /\
b'ger,,,'-----^--',,,,,,',,|_,,\_ ,,\/,,
>Facts To Ponder
1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your
groin unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no
pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm still desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze
pilots wore helmets.
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet
soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have
been more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad
at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head
out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an
idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking
five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have
no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go
out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long
somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always
locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from
some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best
friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I
think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over
it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and
they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals.
I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs
of her on the wall.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my
suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered
for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any
witnesses. Now I'll have to eliminate you too".
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy
Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan
Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Police Dogs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/policedogs.html
Useless Signs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uselesssigns.html
Pet Confessions!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petconfessions.html
Extreme BBQ'S!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extremebbqs.html
Only ONE Job 4!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob4.html
Al Capone's Car!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/alcaponescar.html
Kids Being Kids 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids2.html
Humor With Golf!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfhumor.html
Morons at Work 4!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork4.html
Life's Little Oops 14!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops14.html
Got A Nanosecond 7?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano7.html
Redneck Innovations!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneckinnovations.html
Jaw-Dropping Things!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarethings.html
Humor With Cooking!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cookinghumor.html
Pets Left Home Alone!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petshome.html
Humorous Boat Names!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boatnames.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 6!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver6.html
Geography Of Women Vs Men!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womenvsmen.html
-<>-
>Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
https://tinyurl.com/y7qf3ksw
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html
-<>-
All of Steven Spielberg's movies (including 'Ready Player One'), ranked
From usatoday.com: For the movie lovers who grew up in the blockbuster
era, there's no more iconic filmmaker than Steven Spielberg. But while
his benevolent aliens, neato dinosaurs and one whip-cracking
archeologist get much of the love, it's easy to forget just how deep his
filmography goes. USA Today checks out Spielberg's resume!
https://tinyurl.com/yc8956cf
18 Amazing Celebrity Answers To Boring Interview Questions
From Cracked.com: Celebrities do a ton of interviews, and most of the
time they stick to a stock list of questions and answers. But sometimes
-- if you're lucky -- a famous person will give a spectacular,
brilliant, unexpected answer to a dumb question. Here are some of those.
https://tinyurl.com/ybgp45eo
WHO WOULD BUY THAT?
Having trouble choosing the perfect gift for that special
someone who has everything? The folks at this site have
scoured the auctions to gather a collection of truly, uh,
original items.
http://www.whowouldbuythat.com/
WHACK A MOLE
The classic county fair game comes to your keyboard.
All the fun of the carnival, without those pesky carnie
workers.
http://www.addictinggames.com/action-games/whackamole.jsp
BEHIND THE NAME
Behind the Name reveals the etymology of the name you have
taken for granted. The site catalogs thousands of the most
common names, along with many you've never heard of. Check
to see how particular names have drifted in and out of
popularity over the past 100 years.
http://behindthename.com/
HORSESHOE PIT
Horseshoes is not just for bearded, overweight, middle-
aged men that wear flannel shirts, tight pants, and tinted
glasses while smoking a Lucky Strike and drinking an Old
Style anymore. This famous summer activity has been catching
on with all demographics lately. At this site, you will find
the official rules of the game and how to construct your own
backyard horseshoe pit.
http://www.horseshoepitching.com/start.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Phineas Gage, Neuroscience’s Most Famous Patient
Each generation revises his myth. Here’s the true story.
http://tinyurl.com/okuvwj6
---
...Wow! Most interesting! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Karen :)
Ben Blatt is a Slate contributor and author of Nabokov’s Favorite
Word Is Mauve. Follow him on Twitter.
Top 10 Things to Love About Letterman’s Top Ten Lists AND MORE:
http://www.slate.com/authors.ben_blatt.html
---
...Great Reads! Thanks Karen!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
Does This bring back memories? The Best Of Times:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=sDc0ID6PJeg
---
...Cool! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
What Has America Become by Ken Huber
What has happened to the land of the free and the home of the brave?
https://www.truthorfiction.com/america-become-ken-huber/
---
...Wowsers! Still mostly true! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
She sent us one we have here...
Revenge Parking!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/revengeparking.html
---
...So funny! Thanks LouiseAu!
A film taken from a streetcar traveling down Market Street in San
Francisco in 1906, a few days before the earthquake/fire destroyed
the area.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHxuUNKWwmY
---
...Love this! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The NCAA Tournament wrapped up last night, with Villanova
coming out on top! And if you won your office March Madness
pool, congratulations - all of your coworkers hate you now."
-Jimmy Fallon
"Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in
exchange for Toys-R-Us gift cards. Said kids, 'Umm... I
guess I'll take the whiskey decanter?'" -Seth Meyers
"A man in New Orleans could be facing a life sentence for
stealing $31 worth of candy from a drug store. I feel for
this guy. That has got to be a tough conversation once
you're in prison. 'Yeah, I'm in for armed robbery and arson,
what about you?' 'Oh, you know, the new peanut butter Twix.'"
-James Corden
"A Florida man went to court for the right to marry his
laptop computer. He said his laptop is just like a wife
because whenever he brings it into bed, it freezes."
-Conan O'Brien
"It just came out that Pope Francis said that there is no
such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group
C on Spirit Airlines and said, 'Never mind, I found it.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"Baby names based on the characters from 'Star Wars: The
Force Awakens' are becoming very popular. I feel like if
you're naming your baby after a science fiction movie
character, maybe you're not ready to have a baby."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"A balloon released by a girl in Texas was found this week
over 900 miles away in Ohio. Or, more likely, Ohio also
has red balloons." -Seth Meyers
"Chipotle is considering opening a new restaurant that
specializes in hamburgers. After what their burritos did,
Chipotle now wants to ruin a new set of buns." -Jimmy Fallon
"A controversial 1,200-year-old document has been found that
shows evidence that Jesus was married. I don't believe it.
What married guy gets to spend all his free time with his
12 buddies?" -Conan O'Brien
"The truth is more important than the facts."
--Frank Lloyd Wright
"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
--Ernest Hemingway
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing."
--Redd Foxx
"A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way
- Ludwig Erhard
"[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by
the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered."
- Al Capp
"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United
States. Ask any Indian."
- Robert Orben
"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did,
but backwards and in high heels."
- Bob Thaves
"Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a
compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men
of much greater profundity than they really are.
- Henry Fielding
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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