Blondes, A Genie And Mushrooms - Oh My! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first 2 hot toddies our from our friends LouiseAu And Lind. Sure to give you your aww quota for the day. Check them out here... , ,-. _,---._ __ / \ / ) .-' `./ / \ ( ( ,' `/ /| \ `-" \'\ / | `. , \ \ / | /`. ,'-`----Y | ( ; | ' | ,-. ,-' | / | | ( | hjw | / ) | \ `.___________|/ `--' `--' Sweet Baby Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyanimals3.html Sweet Baby Animals 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyanimals4.html --- ...These are so adorable! Thank you ladies! Our Next too hot to handle page is from our friends PatDeE and Geniann. This is a fun one I am sure will tickle your funny bone. Check it out here... _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ Best Costumes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/costumes.html --- ...TeeHee! I love this! Thanks my friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ==0 / /_@@-#= \_|_/ | \/ _|K__|_ ejm 97 / \ |, / / | ~ ~ /|\ A viola player was returning from a gig, and, feeling tired, decided to stop at a roadside cafe for a rest and a cup of coffee. Halfway through the cup he remembered he'd left his viola on the passenger's seat of the car. He rushed outside... but it was too late... someone had broken the window and put two more violas on the rear seat -<>- An old man goes to his doctor complaining that he keeps hearing music every time he puts on his hat. The doctor takes the hat into a back room then brings it out a few moments later and puts it on the old man’s head. "That's incredible," says the old man. "I can't hear music anymore. What did you do to my hat?" "It was easy," replies the doctor. "I just removed the band." -<>- Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. "They should not put up such misleading notices," said Joe. "It said, 'FINE FOR PARKING HERE'." -<>- One day, a Russian spy received a coded message from an American spy claiming it came directly from President Obama. It read: S370HSSV-0773H. The spy was stumped, so he sent it to his boss at the agency. His boss was stumped too, so he sent it to the French for decoding. The French couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans. The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down. ========================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 24 is National Bologna Day and United Nations Day October 25 is Punk for a Day Day and World Pasta Day October 26 is National Mincemeat Day October 27 is National Tell a Story Day and Navy Day October 28 is Frankenstein Friday and Plush Animal Lover's Day October 29 is Hermit Day and National Frankenstein Day October 30 is National Candy Corn Day and Mischief Night ========================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: , ,nNN ,nNNNN' ,nNNNNNN; ;NNNNNNNN ;NNNNNNNN' ;NNNNNNNN; .NNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNb. ;NNNNNNNNNNNNn. ,NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNn. ;NNNNNNNNN' ""YNNNNNNn. NNNNNNNNN; ""YNNNNNNn. ""YNNNNNN ""YNNNNNNn. ""YN' ""YNNNNNNn. /\ ""YNNNNNNn. .nNNNNNb. _______ ""YNNNNNNn. dN(o)NNNNNNNNN"NNNNNNb. ""YNNNNNNn. dNNNNNNNNNNNNNP" ""NNNNNNb _ ""cgmmP YNNNN"NNNNNNNN N NNNNNNNNN( ) "" ""'dNNNNNNNNb. "YNNNNNNN_X_ "YNNNNNNNNNNN N NNNNNNN YNNNNNN.. .dNNNNNNP "YNNNNNN.NNNNNNP" NN """"" NN nn nn >Scrimping and Saving After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for way back in 2000." "You mean a brand-new Mercedes?" she asked eagerly. "No," he replies, "a 2000 Mercedes." -<>- >Portrait An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and Cartier watch." "But you are not wearing any of those things," replied the artist. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry." -<>- >Diaper Solution At the pediatric clinic where I work, more and more fathers come in with their children. One man was concerned that his ten-month-old daughter had a diaper rash. As I began undressing the baby, I could see that Dad, a heating and air-conditioning specialist, had used a trick of the trade to deal with flimsy disposable-diaper tabs. His daughter's diaper was securely reinforced with duct tape. -<>- >Politics Explained How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative? Easy. A man is drowning fifty feet offshore. The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout "swim for it!" The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope borrowed from a conservative friend, drop his own end, and go off to do another good deed. -<>- >Great Cheese A customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased with his meal that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _____......----------""""""""""------.._ _/"/ __...:::::;:::.... /___../ / _.--"""::::::::::::::::::::::....,o%%%%:...._.....-----""""""____.._ "\ "..____ __../-----"""""""""" ___...---"""" "\__\ """"""""""""/"---. .--"": ...--""" _./"// | | | /akn /\__//_____| `--""" / \ . ___/" "--.___/"....---|""" / ___\.... \\.."--:""""" >Jokes Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or men in general, and was always used to making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping ...problem solved! -------- My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!" -------- A Belgian guy watched a Dutchman in a cafe get the most beautiful girls without any trouble, even though he did not look very nice. Asked how he did this, the Dutchman said, "Well very easy, when I enter, I toss the keys of my Rolls Royce on the bar and they just flock to me. Though I am as poor as you, the keys do it." So this Belgian guy buys a some nice Rolls keys and tries it also, but to no avail. He asks the Dutchman for advice again: "Try removing your bicycle helmet first." -------- After the accident, I told the police officer I thought the driver of the other vehicle was drunk. He told me the other vehicle was a cow. -------- Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first." ------- The pretty blonde cashier at the Stumpy's Grocery Store told her manager she needed some time off to rest-up because she wasn't looking her best. "Nonsense!" he said, "You look fine!" "No way!!!" replied the blonde. "The men are beginning to count their change now." -------- Mrs. Blonde and Mrs. Brunette were chatting over coffee. Said Mrs. Blonde, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye." Mrs. Blonde took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried. "There it goes again!" Said Mrs. Brunette, "Betty... take the spoon out of the cup." -------- Finding a bottle on the beach, Jake uncorks it and releases a genie. "Ah, now you get three wishes," says the genie. "Great!" Jake replies. "First, I want one billion dollars." Poof! There's a flash, and a paper with Swiss bank account numbers appears in Jake's hand. "Next, I want a nice ocean-side house in Hawaii." Poof! Another flash, and he is holding the deed to an ocean side property in Hawaii. "Finally," Jake says, "I want to be irresistible to women." Poof! There's another blinding flash, ...and Jake turns into a box of chocolates. -------- A high-school geometry teacher started one lesson on triangles by reading a theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles." He noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked him why. "Well," he replied sincerely, "I'm waiting until you start speaking English." -------- A traveler once visited a small village in the countryside. At the local bar, someone asked him if he was married. "I'm divorced, actually. Never could find a woman I didn't end up fighting with all the time," he replied. The local man said: "Then you should go talk to the old couple that lives on the hill outside the village. Rumor has it that they've been married over 60 years and they've never fought this whole time." "What?? That's impossible! Everyone has fights!" Exclaimed the traveler. But the local swore to him it was the truth and nothing but. The traveler just had to check it out, and in the morning he knocked on the door of the little house on the hill and was immediately welcomed by the husband, who invited him in for tea. After the traveler explained why he came to see him, the man smiled and nodded. "It's true. We never fight." "PLEASE," begged the traveler, "can you tell me your secret?" "Well," said the old man, "it all started about 60 years ago, right after the wedding. We were riding our mule back to town and walking it down the street when it tripped over a stone and my wife said to him: 'That's one.' "We kept riding and he tripped again on another stone, which made my wife immediately say: 'That's two.' "Two minutes later, the mule trips over a stone again. My wife said: 'That's three.' She pulled out a gun I never knew she had and shot it in the head without thinking twice! I was shocked and yelled at her: 'What the heck do you think you're doing? We needed that mule! Are you crazy?!' "My wife looked me straight in the eye and said: 'That's one.' "And we haven't had a fight since." ------- An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" she shouted again. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?" --- ...LOL! Great! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _ |_t+.__________________......_ /;_ ;________________/ : \ t""o.\__ :---|------------------t-----^-`--' / \__L___________________\____________\ ""-. o .--. \--'/ l .-t+. \ ( l) ;"" : / _ _ _ l `--" o; Y |_||_ |_|| \ """""";: .-. :\ | |:_ | |:_/ :: '-' ;\ _ _ _ _ _ _ ;; : ; | ||_l | \|_ |_|| \ :: bug ;| :_l|`, :_/:_ | |:_/ ;'-------'; '"------"" >Safe at last I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on eBay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window. I called ADT, canceled my home alarm system, and quit the sissy Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on eBay) and ran it up the flag pole. Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service, and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me. Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can't pat me down. If they say I'm a male wearing a burka, I just say I'm feeling like a woman today! Safe at last. Is this administration great or what?! --- ...LOL! Sad state we are in! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >Speaking German in Texas In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population. One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond. The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Hallo! Nicht das Wasser trinken. Die Kühe haben geschissen darin." Which means: "Hey! Don't drink the water. The cows have been crapping in it." The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Hillary. I can't understand you. Please speak in English." The rancher replied: "Use both hands." --- ..Oh Gee! 'giggles' Thanks Fran! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Cloie :) ,-=-. [[_ @~] ((a a)) ` = ' _.-) (-._ /( ("+") )\ / \ \./ / \ (=<( \/8\/ )>=) \ \- 8| -/ / \/_> 8|<_\/ ;-.__;,-; | | | | | | | | '-.___,;' ) ) / ' |( ) ( \_ /_|^--' gpyy \_! >The times are changing! MILITARY THEN and NOW 1945 -NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports. 2016 -Everyone has an internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done. 1945 -we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home. 2016 -they put the real thing in the cockpit. 1945 -your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive. 2016 -she is in the same trench praying your condom worked. 1945 -if you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off. 2016 -if you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career. 1945 -you were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him. 2016- you spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo. 1945 -canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them. 2016 - canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic. 1945 - officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect. 2016 - officers are politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgie. 1945 -they collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it. 2016 -they collect your pee and analyze it. 1945 -if you didn't act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until you straightened up. 2016 - if you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever. 1945 -medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own. 2016 - medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters. 1945 -you slept in barracks like a soldier. 2016 -you sleep in a dormitory like a college kid. 1945 -you ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted. 2016 - you eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much. 1945 -we defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan. 2016 -we come up short against Iraq and Afghanistan. 1945 -if you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked and drank beer. 2016 -you go to the community center, and you can play pool. 1945 -if you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers' Club. 2016 - the beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink. 1945 -the Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money. 2016 -you can get better and cheaper merchandise at Walmart. 1945 -we could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets. 2016 -we are wearing the Nazi helmets. 1945 -we called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them. 2016 -we call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" or 'JV Team' because we don't want to offend them. 1945 -victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken. 2016 - we haven't a clue as to what victory is or what it takes to achieve it. 1945 -a commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people. 2016 - a commander will put his people on the line to protect his President's politics. 1945 -wars were planned and run by generals and Admirals who knew how to fight and win. 2016 - wars are planned by politicians who haven't a clue about fighting or winning. 1945 -we were fighting for freedom, and the country was committed to winning. 2016 - we don't know what we're fighting for, and the government is committed to social programs and political correctness. --- ...Sad state! But that will change with Trump! Thanks Cloie! ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: ...AND Another One Bites The Dust... TRUMP ATTACK FILE: WikiLeaks shows Miss Universe hit was months in the making http://tinyurl.com/hpmza6p Laura Ingraham Destroys #NeverTrumpers as Standing for Partial Birth Abortion http://conservativetribune.com/laura-ingraham-nevertrumpers/ Obama’s Attorney General Accidentally Spills The Truth About Obama’s ‘Corruption’ http://tinyurl.com/hrmm9z8 Newt Gingrich Political Coup Is Happening To America Right Now http://tinyurl.com/z9scqak ‘MAKE SOROS HAPPY’: CLINTON CAMPAIGN DISCUSSES IMPORTANCE OF PLEASING BILLIONAIRE IN LEAKED EMAIL http://tinyurl.com/hqzagt7 REPORT: Hillary Vanished Before Debate to Adjust Meds So They Would Be More Effective http://conservativetribune.com/debate-hillary-vanishes-expert/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A massive Ouija board constructed on top of a reportedly haunted hotel in Pennsylvania could be the world's largest. Blair Murphy hopes to have his 44 foot-by-29 foot Ouija board, constructed atop his home in the Grand Midway Hotel, featured in the Guinness Book of World Records. "Well, for years, the roof itself was a canvas waiting for a painting. We were talking about the Guinness Book of World Records, and they said they don't have a large Oujia board yet," he said. "So they said they would create a category if we made the painting." Murphy, an independent filmmaker from Los Angeles, purchased the notoriously haunted hotel with friends 15 years ago and ultimately converted it into his home. Murphy said the Ouija board, which he created in conjunction with local artists, could stir some controversy in the Western Pennsylvania community. "[In] the town itself, I have no idea what the reaction is," he said. "It's a pretty conservative town, so I'm sure there's some mixed feelings out there." He plans to have the board completed on Halloween and will offer nighttime tours of his home for $10 per person. -<>- Firefighters in Arizona shared photos from the rescue of a 26-year-old man who was trapped for four hours in his own chimney. The Tucson Fire Department said crews responded to a University area home after a neighbor reported hearing a man shouting for help. Firefighters found the man's feet were touching the floor of his house, but his body was wedged in the fireplace due to its decreased diameter toward the bottom. The crews lowered a rope and were able to hoist the soot- covered man to safety. The 26-year-old man told firefighters he had been trapped for about four hours after he accidentally locked his keys inside the home and tried to get back in through the chimney. "He did not appear to be injured, but was medically evaluated at the scene by paramedics," the fire department said. *----- Woman Explodes Vacuum with Gasoline -----* Security cameras at a Florida car wash captured the moment a vacuum exploded while a woman was using it to clean gasoline from the trunk of her car. Billy Barnwell, owner of Shuttle Car Wash in Titusville, said his surveillance camera captured the moment the vacuum exploded in flames while a woman was using it to suck up the gasoline that apparently spilled in the trunk of her car. "It was a heck of an explosion. It just burnt everything up," Barnwell said. "If you saw the video, you've seen it. It scared the heck out of her." The woman, who did not appear to be injured in the explosion, drove off without speaking to employees about the blast. Barnwell said she hasn't been seen at the station since the incident. *------ It Was Probably Junk Mail Anyway ------* Officials of the United States Postal Service (USPS) have launched an investigation after a worker was recorded discarding mail. The postal worker in Decatur, Georgia, was seen dumping multiple bins of mail in the woods by throwing them over a fence. The mail included bank statements and other important documents. USPS sent workers to collects the dumped mail, and they promised to deliver them as soon as possible. Kellie Campbell said that she witnessed the incident, and watched as the postal worker dumped multiple bins of mail in the woods for more than five minutes. So far, no charges have been filed even though investigators found more than 12 bins of dumped mail. People in the area complained that they haven't received their mail. *---- Pepper Burned Hole in Man's Esophagus ----* A team of San Francisco-area doctors detailed the case of a 47-year-old man whose attempt at eating ghost peppers caused a rupture in his esophagus. The Journal of Emergency Medicine case report, authored by Dr. Craig Smollin and his team, said the man was participating in an eating contest at a San Francisco restaurant when he wolfed down a hamburger topped with ghost peppers, which have more than twice the heat of habanero peppers. "To our knowledge, no significant adverse effects of ghost pepper ingestion have been reported," the case report's abstract states. The man suffered severe vomiting and dry-heaving after ingesting the peppers, leading him to be admitted to the University of California San Francisco Medical Center. Doctors discovered the man had suffered a 1-inch rupture in his esophagus, which allowed food debris and air to end up inside his chest and collapse one of his lungs. "There are many people who have ghost peppers and most people don't develop any type of severe symptoms," Smollin told The Los Angeles Times. "This case serves as an important reminder of a potentially life- threatening surgical emergency initially interpreted as discomfort after a large spicy meal," the study authors wrote. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Gh0striders :) _____ /`.---.`\ / /.---.\ \ ; |/ e e \| ; ; \| ^ |/ | | \_=_/ | |.-"` `"-.| / `'-...-'` \ | | | , | \ './|\.' / ;._(/:\)_.; || : : || || ; : || || : : || || '.' || || + || || || || || |'-.___.-'| | | '-.__ __.-' jgs (_/`\_) >SISTER MARY ANN'S GASOLINE Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.' -<>- ____ _.-'78o `"`--._ ,o888o. .o888o, ''-. ,88888P `78888P..______.] /_..__..----"" __.' `-._ /""| _..-'' "`-----\ `\ | ;.-""--.. | ,8o. o88. `. `;888P `788P : .o""-.|`-._ ./ J88 _.-/ ";"-P----' `--'\`| / / | / | | \| / |akn `-----`---' >Mushrooms Tim: Sam, I hear you just got married again. Sam: Yes, for the fourth time. Tim: What happened to your first three wives? Sam: They all died, Tim. Tim: How did that happen? Sam: My first wife ate poison mushrooms. Tim: How terrible! And your second? Sam: She ate poison mushrooms. Tim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too? Sam: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck. Tim: I see; an accident. Sam: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat the mushrooms. -<>- >Vaseline survey A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?' She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.' 'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?' 'We use it for love making.' The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for that. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it?' The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.' And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke! Shame on you YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE WHAT YOU DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE --- ...HaHa! Thanks Gh0striders! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __ /XX\ |ooXX| |XX((| _____ _({{)))` _ __ : | \\)) '> //___\_ :---: \\) _< ___ //;_____\ ======= ;=)) , :___: {(=);;;; _|:::: /\; \ /; __ [========]//;;;;;;; / /~~~~\_/ / \ \// ,'_= ccCC}}}} |:: '\ // (/~U~( \\: __/ )_/ / /___ C)) o( \ /~_/ );} |\ \|_ __ [ |___/ -c / //,--\ ){} > / `-'( \_//~ \\___(,= \ / *\~~ ___ ( \_; O O c))) `-< : _ :\__/:=====: | |/ * \ _/___\_ \ \ (`') {}}\-_' | ;=; `; | : \ | * * \ (/;::oo\) \ \ `c'_ : (__\_// | ,' \ ; \_ ___*_\ ( _\ ; ; ;\`----: )\_/ | ; :| /\ /:|\\ \_`-, : `,.;.;;\;;;;) /---:~~~~(~ : ___:|__/ \__/ \\ \\ ,-`~ __:;; ;;; / (_~~~\_ \_ ;____/_ \ : \_ \ |: :| ; ( \__`__ ; ;; ( :; | \__ \ || \ \ ( ( \ \ : \\ \ \___(,= ; ;; \ |:\ \ \\ ) || ) ) | | \__\__\_) |===: (; __;\ ) /==\ ) : / / || -{ / (\__| [____) /____\ / ,-';;) ) ===/ |: /_/ / (\_\_ \ \ \(__) : : \ ) ;;;/ ;_ :: ;(_ )~(_ ! \_> \_> ) )\ ) |;;,-/ ; =) ;(_ v--'[____) |_||_| (__ =) ~~~~~~ v--' [ `-, `-, `-' ~~~~ ~~~ So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you are going to take that day off! -<>- A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!" "Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?" "Six," replies the boy. "Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?" "I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay." "I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?" "Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky." -<>- After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck. When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?" -<>- To prepare for my daughter's First Communion, I called the church in the town where we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate. We lived there for only a short while, so I didn't know the clergy well. When the secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn't remember. After a brief silence, she said, "Ma'am, I'm talking about the name of the baby's father." -<>- My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old's antics and pounded the table. Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll never eat out with us again!" The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. "Look dear," he said. "Quality time!" -<>- A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) _ .-. / ) .-. ___ __ ( ) ( ( ( ) .'___) (__'-._) ( \ '._) (,'.' '. '-. '. / "\ ' -. '. ) / \ \ .-. ,'. ) ( ',_) _ .' ( \ \ ( \ . .' .' ) .-. ( \ ( .''. '. \ \| .' .' ,',--, / ( ) ) ) \ \ ', : \ .-' ( ( ( ( _) (,' / \ \ : : ) / _ ' . \ \ ,' / ,' ,' : ; / /,' '. /.' / / ( (\ ( '.' " ( .-'. \ '' \_)\ \ \ | \ \__ ) ) ___\ | \___; / , / / ___) ( ( ( PN '.' ) ;) ; (_/(_/ ---------------------------------------------------- >One Liners • The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car. • Sometimes when I reflect back on all the cigarettes I smoked, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the cigarette think about the workers in the cigarette factory all of their hopes dreams. If I don't smoke this cigarette, they might be out of work their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this cigarette let their dreams come true then be selfish worry about my LUNGS. • Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence • My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes. • When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election. • A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession... even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!" • "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'" Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied. • Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. • Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal • A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper. Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper? French: Toilette pepper! “If we can not love the person whom we see, how can we love God whom we can not see?" - Mother Teresa -<>- . . . . ,`,`,`,`, . . . . `\`\`\`\; `\`\`\`\`, ~|;!;!;\! ~\;\;\;\|\ (--,!!!~`! . (--,\\\===~\ (--,|||~`! ./ (--,\\\===~\ `,-,~,=,:. _,// (--,\\\==~`\ ~-=~-.---|\;/J, (--,\\\((```==. ~'`~/ a | (-,.\\('('(`\\. ~'=~| \_. \ (,--(,(,(,'\\. ~'=| \\_;> (,-( ,(,(,;\\ ~=/ \ (,-/ (.(.(,;\\,/ ) (,--/,;,;,;,\\ ./------. (==,-;-'`;' /_,----`. \ ,.--_,__.-' `--. ` \ (='~-_,--/ , ,!,___--. \ \_) (-/~( | \ ,_- | ) /_| (~/((\ )\._, |-' _,/ / \\)))) / ./~. | \_\; Valkyrie ,__///// / / ) / '===~' | | (, <. / / \. \ _/ / \_\ /_!/ >_\ >O x y m o r o n s 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, How would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? 28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? I dunno, why do we? Hope this gives you a smile on a miserable day. --- ...TeeHee! Confounding for sure! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Tricks For Treats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats.html Detroit Steel!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitsteel.html Ford's First RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html Classic Woodies!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcars.html Farmers Gone Wild! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/farm.html Undersea Restaurant!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html World's Fastest Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Extreme Pumpkin Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pumpkin.html Wave Frozen In Time!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wave.html Stainless VS Gold!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stainlesscar.html Rare Packard RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/packardrv.html Detroit Autorama!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitauto.html Macro Spider Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spiders.html Weird Old Vehicles!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldvehicles.html Romantic Castles! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html Fall And Halloween Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Jamie Raven produces a note that Alesha Dixon had just signed from the middle of a lemon! You have to see it to believe it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IacmQkxLKa0&feature=player_embedded Dogs, cats, horses, lions and tigers. Such different animals. And yet, when they're not fighting for the same resources, they can become such great friends. We could learn something from the animals in this video compilation, which is bound to leave you grinning and happy for the rest of the day! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mrudR-kIB1k Cats Meeting Puppies for the first time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E__F5a2pQco&feature=player_embedded --- ...Adorable! thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) History of SS http://www.snopes.com/politics/socialsecurity/changes.asp --- ...Interesting! Thanks Bunni! -<>- Baptism - This is the cutest thing I have seen in ages. http://tinyurl.com/hqsk5de --- ...LOL! Cute! Thanks Bunni! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The Austrian government announced that they will be tearing down the house where Adolf Hitler was born. But the government said they won't leave the lot vacant, which means 'the house where Hitler was born' might soon be 'the pilates studio where Hitler was born.'" -James Corden "A new survey found that 55 percent of men expect to pay on the first date. While the other 45 percent have never been on a second date." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel "The American Academy of Pediatrics has suggested that people under the age of 18 should be banned from tanning salons. Parents that take their kids to tanning salons should be banned from parenting." -Jimmy Fallon "Chase bank ATMs are getting a new feature that will allow customers to withdraw cash without using a card. The feature is called a 'crowbar.'" -Conan O'Brien "The TSA is cracking down on the so-called comfort animals, the ones people bring on the plane because they claim to be too nervous to fly alone. The airlines have had enough and they only want trained service animals to be allowed on the planes. I don't blame them. Have you been on an airplane recently? It's like a Noah's Ark of Chihuahuas and Maltipoos. If you're so emotionally unstable that you need to hold a poodle to get on a plane, maybe you shouldn't get on a plane." -Jimmy Kimmel "The NYPD is apparently teaching its officers how to be more polite. It's true last time I got frisked, the cop was like, 'Have you lost weight?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Bob Dylan was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature today. Dylan was like, 'This is the greatest honor I've ever received.' Or he might have said, 'Misses gravy's on her ivory steed.' It's impossible to tell." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************