Blondes, Airport Examples And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND For Google Plus Users:
You can find me here... Shangy Bigham
https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
I've been meaning to do this for a while and just decided
to put on the gloves and get busy and get it done. Hopefully
it will serve you well when you are looking for one of the
sites military pages. It is one of our largest index pages
since I tend to be very supportive of our veterans and troops
and am most proud of them and their sacrifice for our freedom.
Check it out here...
\\ /////
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(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
FULL 9/11 And Troops INDEX!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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\ ^ ^ / .-.
\_o_/ / /
/` `\/ |
/ \ |
\ ( ) / |
/ \_) (_/ \ /
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\ '.___.' /
jgs .' \-=-/ '.
/ /` `\ \
(//./ \.\\)
`"` `"`
Two blondes are vacationing in Australia.
One blonde asks the other, "Which is further, London or the Moon?"
The other replies, "Helloooo, can you see London from here???"
-<>-
A kid was crying sitting outside his house. A passer by asked: Why
are you crying?
Kid: My parents are fighting inside the house.
Passer By: Who is your dad?
Kid: That is what the fight is about.
-<>-
>Headlines from the Year 2040
1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the
seventh largest country in the world, California.
2. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
3. Baby conceived naturally....Scientists stumped.
4. Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
5. Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least
ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
6. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all
smoking.
7. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2042.
8. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89
and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
9. Results of 35 year study: diet and exercise are the key to
weight loss.
10. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
11. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their
civil rights.
12. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
13. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
14. Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of
Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
15. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by
January 2041.
16. Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 30 is Frankenstein Day and Toasted Marshmallow Day
August 31 is National Trail Mix Day
September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day, the first woman telephone
operator and National Cherry Popover Day
September 2 is Internaional Bacon Day and VJ Day, WWII
September 3 is Skyscraper Day
September 4 is Newspaper Carrier Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Late for Work
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 AM, on the dot.
He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 AM passed without
Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation.
All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and
muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and
torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.
He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said,
aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down
two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
The boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you
an entire hour?"
-<>-
>Personal Trainer
This year I decided it was about time for me to
get in shape and lose weight. I joined a gym and
made an appointment with Walt, a personal trainer.
One day I found myself reclining self-consciously
on a machine with my feet set to press on a weighted platform.
"Do you wear those shoes often?"ť Walt asked.
"They're my best running shoes!"ť I declared, dodging the
question.
He scrutinized them closely, then asked, "Are those cobwebs on
them?"
-<>-
>Birthday Song
It was our buddy's birthday, so we decided to call him up and
sing "Happy Birthday."
Only trouble was we dialed the wrong number.
"Don't let it bother you." said the voice on the other end, just
before he hung up, "You need all the practice you can get."
-<>-
>Cooking Skills
Proud of my cooking skills, I smugly asked my 11-year-old-brother
if he could tell the difference between my cooking and our dad's.
"Sure," he said, "When Dad cooks, we don't have to open the
windows."
-<>-
>First Driving Lesson
As she slid behind the wheel for her first driving lesson, my
daughter could hardly contain her excitement.
"You need to make adjustments so the car is comfortable for you,
the driver," I began. "Now, what's the first thing you should
do?"
"Change the radio station," she said.
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
_____
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/ /.---.\ \
; |/ e e \| ;
; \| ^ |/ |
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|.-"` `"-.|
/ `'-...-'` \
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\ './|\.' /
;._(/:\)_.;
|| : : ||
|| ; : ||
|| : : ||
|| '.' ||
|| + ||
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|'-.___.-'|
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'-.__ __.-'
jgs (_/`\_)
>SMILES
A very devout nun dies and goes to heaven. Upon
arrival, she is greeted with ceremony and honor and
told she may immediately have any wish she
chooses while her place is prepared for her.
She humbly and politely replies that she would like
an audience with Holy Mary, if this is possible. Peter
agrees on the spot and escorts her personally to a
little door, hitherto unnoticed in the great vault of the
firmament. He knocks softly. There's a murmured
reply from within, and he opens the door and indicates
to his guest to enter.
Within, sitting in a plain chair is a middle-aged Jewish
woman in the garb of the first century knitting.
The nun sits reverently for some time at Mary's feet
and finally gestures so as to ask a question. Mary looks
up from her knitting and indicates it is OK to ask.
"Reverend Mother, please tell me, you were chosen
from all women to be the mother of God's son. You are a
simple Jewish woman, I know. But if you could, just
give me an inkling of what it felt like when it happened
when Jesus was born?"
With a distant look in her eyes, Mary replies,
"Vell, Ich vaist a Maydel...." ***
*** "Well, I wanted a girl..."
------
Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school,
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today,
and all the other kids could only count to four, but
I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet
today, and all the other kids could only say it to D,
but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G"
"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today,
and when we showered, all the other girls had not
chests, but I have these!"
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
-------
{political Humor]
The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)
President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering
sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more
Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as
a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans
who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves
in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no
longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be
ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will
no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of
workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are
doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, former House Speaker Nancy
Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the
success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing
policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.
At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles
also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability
(63 percent).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory
sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of
Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax
credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire
one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new
measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the
non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview
questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that
relate to this job?"
"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with
people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz,
who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in
Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty,
lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like
me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this
bill, Gertz and millions of other lazy, untalented citizens will
finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Sen. Dick Durbin, IL: "As a senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought
to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our
duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,
regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space
to take up in this great nation and a great salary for doing
so."
With this in mind, President Obama gave Hillary Clinton the
job as Secretary of State and advised her to choose POI people
as well.
This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Kathleen Sebelius,
Al Sharpton, Chris Murphy, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Nancy
Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama.
-------
Old Cowboy
Anold cowboy walks into a barbershop in Moose Jaw for a shave and
a haircut. He tells the barber he can'tget all his whiskers off
because his cheeksare wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and
tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the
skin. When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was
the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what
would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little
ball.
The barber replied, 'Just bring it back in a couple of days like
everyone else does'ť.
---
...LOL! Thanks PatDeE!
==========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
@
)
(_m_\
\\" _.`~.
`(#'/.\)
.>' (_--,
_=/d . ^\
~~ \)-' '
/ | ptr
##'##'#after a:f##############
#################################
>SMILES
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter
asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. 'On a trip
to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of
bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen."
"So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked
him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring
and threw it on the ground and yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick
the sh..t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was really impressed. "Wow, when did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
--------
"Waiter!"
"Yes sir, is there something wrong?"
"The soup. Taste it."
"I beg your pardon sir?"
"Taste it."
"But sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
"Taste it."
"Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
"Taste it!"
"All right sir, I'll taste it ... where is the spoon?"
"Ah-HA!!"
--------
A really drunk man was walking along the street one day. He was
staggering quite a bit, and made two nuns that were approaching
him very nervous. The two nuns split apart - one walked to the
man's left and one walked to the man's right.
After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said,
"Now how in the heck did she do that"?
-------
A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get.
A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be
good Samaritans and take him home.
First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can
find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each
time with a real thud.
After they get to his house, he falls down another four times
getting him to the door. His wife comes to the door, and one
guy says, "We brought your husband home."
The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?
--------
"I'm so happy to see you, Grandma! Now Daddy will do that
trick he's been promising to do!"
"What trick is that, sweetie?"
"I heard Daddy tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if
you came to visit us again!"
--------
While Woodrow Wilson was governor of New Jersey, a New Jersey
senator died. Within a few hours, a politician called the
governor and said, "I'd like to take the senator's place."
Shocked that the politician would call so soon, Wilson told
the caller, "It's all right with me -- if the undertaker
doesn't mind."
-------
>Blonde Q & A's
Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: "What? What?"
Q: What is the Blonde Cheer?
A: "I'm blonde! Blonde! B-L-O-N...heck with it.
I'm blonde! Yeah, yeah!"
Q: Why did the blonde climb the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tread marks on her back?
A: When the sign said "DON'T WALK" she crawled across.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locked her keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: So her blinker would turn off.
Q: Why did the blonde car thief steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just had her hair done and didn't want it to blow.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does three come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What happened to the blonde coyote?
A: It got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was
still stuck.
Q: What goes "Vroom! SCREECH! Vroom! SCREECH! Vroom! SCREECH!"?
A: A blonde passing a flashing red light.
---
...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
Now you'll know why we are in so much trouble........
______
_\ _~-\___
= = ==(____AA____D
\_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._
/ o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_
`~-.__ ___..----.. )
`---~~\___________/------------`````
= ===(_________D
-Roland
>DC Airport Ticket Agent
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' we're in trouble:
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for
an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being
near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer
(Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
explain the length of the flight and the passport information,
and then he interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you
look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ....'
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, 'Cape
Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa
His response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) –prez candidate--
called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was
wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since
Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a
very thin state!' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked,
'Is it possible to see England from Canada?' I said, 'No.'
She said, 'But they look so close on the map.' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and
asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation
and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked
him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, 'I heard Dallas was a
big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save
time.' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.
She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from
Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she
couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her
the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, 'Do
airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know
whose luggage belongs to whom?'
I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, 'Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put
a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think
that's very rude!'
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it.
(I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code
for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline
was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire
about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info,
she asked, 'Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take
the train to Hawaii?'
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby
Bright from Ala who asked, 'How do I know which plane to get on?'
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, 'I was
told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have that
number on them.'
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, 'I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little
computer planes?'
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.
She said, 'Yeah, whatever, smarty!'
11. Mary Landrieu, La. Senator called and had a question about
the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a
lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she
needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times
and never had to have one of those.'
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When
I told her this she said, 'Look, I've been to China four times
and every time they have accepted my American Express!'
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make
reservations, 'I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.'
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, 'Are you sure that's
the name of the town?'
'Yes, what flights do you have?' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, 'I'm sorry, sir, I've
looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a
rhino anywhere.'
The man retorted, 'Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it
is. Check your map!'
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered,
'You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'
The reply? 'Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.'
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
Could anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US,
ARE IN POLITICS,
AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED
I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.
Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.
---
...OMGoodness! LOL! Thanks Bunni!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
She [Hillary] is another phony. Her personality would change
the instant cameras were near. She hated with open disdain
the military and Secret Service.
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/secrets.html
Conway slams Clinton as a serial liar: ‘She lied about
Donald Trump’
http://tinyurl.com/gulzlo9
Trump-Supporting Pastor Just Gave Hillary a Brutal Lesson In
TRUTH
http://conservativetribune.com/trump-supporting-pastor-hillary/
WOW: Secret Hillary Video Explodes… She Just Lost Every Single
BLM Voter [WATCH]
http://conservativetribune.com/hillary-video-she-lost-blm-voter/
BREAKING: NFL Star Joins Black Lives Matter Rhetoric And REFUSES
To Stand For Our National Anthem At NFL Game Because of “Racist
America”
http://tinyurl.com/zke7bod
---
...Very upsetting to folks - disrespecting the USA when...
Colin Kaepernick signed a 6 year, $114,000,000 contract with the
San Francisco 49ers, including a $12,328,766 signing bonus,
$61,000,000 guaranteed, and an average annual salary of $19,000,000.
In 2016, Kaepernick will earn a base salary of $11,900,000, a
roster bonus of $2,000,000 and a workout bonus of $400,000.
Kaepernick has a cap hit of $15,890,753 while his dead money value
is $19,697,260.
http://www.spotrac.com/nfl/san-francisco-49ers/colin-kaepernick-7751/
Just go to another country and see if you have the same kind of
opportunity and respect that you have enjoyed in America! Love it
or leave it! If you love it, don't disrespect. Vote for the ones
to help change what you think is a problem!
Also take in consideration that America fought the civil war
because of slavery. Lincoln and the the Republican party were
against slavery.
http://americanhistory.about.com/od/civilwarmenu/a/cause_civil_war.htm
Casualties Numbers And Battle Death Statistics For the American
Civil War.
http://www.historynet.com/civil-war-casualties
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
If there is one place you want to use some playful antics
and a little harmless hijinx to relieve stress and tension
it is the cockpit of a commercial airliner.
That must have been the thinking of the crew of an Air
New Zealand flight when pictures and video showed up on
Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram of the pilot posing with
an inflatable doll in the cockpit.
One image shows a pilot kissing the doll.
A video shows an air hostess walking through a cabin
spitting water. The caption on the video says: "Wish I
could spit on passengers like this."
An Air New Zealand spokeswoman said the company was
"shocked and appalled" by the images.
"These images were brought to our attention in the past
48 hours and an investigation commenced immediately. We
believe the video was produced about four years ago and
the photos were taken more than a year ago."
"We expect the highest standards of behavior and respect
from all our staff."
Two staff members have been stood down by the airline
while an investigation takes places, another no longer
works there.
The inflatable doll has been reassigned duties as a
floatation device.
-<>-
There is an old saying in business that goes, the customer
is always right, but the owner of a supermarket in Oregon
must have been questioning the wisdom of that philosophy
when a customer drove her car through the front of the store.
The woman was angry that she was not allowed to purchase a
large quantity of gift cards at a Safeway. 43-year-old Noella
Fay tried to purchase $2,200 in gift cards, but when she
tried to pay by check, the check did not clear.
Noella was not happy.
Fay left the store, went into the parking lot and parked her
vehicle outside the front doors. When an employee told her
to move the vehicle, she started screaming about wanting to
buy gift cards.
She then drove her Chevrolet Tahoe through the doors and into
the supermarket, down one of the aisles of the store sending
shoppers fleeing, and then left the store through the back
doors.
Fay was charged with reckless endangering, hit-and-run,
reckless driving and criminal mischief. No one was injured
as a result of the incident.
*----------------- Australia -----------------*
South Australia police said they have "ruled out the
possibility of a Sharknado" in the mystery of a shark
found in a roadside puddle. Police said a member of the
public contacted authorities Friday morning to report
finding a small shark partially submerged in a roadside
puddle in the town of One Tree Hill. Fauna Rescue South
Australia responded to the scene and transferred the
shark, believed to be a Port Jackson shark, to a water
tank. The group said the shark was alive at the time of
its rescue, but later died. "How the shark came to be in
the puddle is still a mystery, however, police have ruled
out the possibility of a Sharknado," police said. "It is
believed the shark may have been caught earlier today and
dumped, or was kept as a pet but was growing too large for
its tank."
*--------------- More Australia ---------------*
An 8-pound gold nugget valued at about $190,000 was
discovered by a seasoned prospector in Australia.
According to metal detector manufacturing company Minelab,
the anonymous prospector found the nugget while using his
metal detector in a worked-over area in the far southern
edge of Central Victoria's Golden Triangle. "I thought it
was rubbish at first, maybe an old horseshoe," the
prospector said. "About 12 inches below the ground, I
could just barely make out the top of something. As I began
to scrape away the clay and dig deeper, I really couldn't
believe my eyes - this wasn't an old piece of steel in
front of me. I had just unearthed a colossal gold nugget -
a once in a lifetime find! I was in total disbelief as I
didn't think nuggets of this size were still around" The
man had previously made a promise to split any large finds
with his prospecting friends and plans to buy a van to
travel across Australia with his share of the proceeds.
The nugget dubbed "Friday's Joy" was sent to a bank vault
where plans to have a replica have been made as the
original is prepared for auction.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
^
|
+
|
|
|
|
|
A
=== ________
/EEE\ |______|
//EEE\\ |*( )*| ejm 97
___//_____\\_____________|O| |O|_______
bye bye
---------- __o
_ ~ ,_ ==c/ -------- _ \<,_
(*)\/(*) (\/\ ------- (*)/ (*)
Dewey was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To
encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really
beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."
Dewey ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher,
teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking
in French!"
"Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?"
"I don't know," Dewey replied; "I couldn't understand a word
they were saying."
-<>-
Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming
prom. "I'm renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a
new dress, and I've reserved a table at the most expensive
restaurant in town," she said.
Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn't spend
that much on my wedding."
My friend answered, "I can have three or four weddings. But
a prom you do only once."
-<>-
In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the
difference between a watch and a clock. I told the students
that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached
to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your
body, it was called a watch.
A few days later we had a power outage, and our classroom
clocks had not been reset. I asked Luis, who was wearing a
wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then
confidently announced, "It is exactly ten o'watch."
-<>-
My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping
trip. One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his
food. "What kind of bear is that?" I asked.
"It's called a Kodiak," Scott replied.
"Oh, yeah?" my husband Keith shot back. "And I suppose those
white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids."
-<>-
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all
the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.
After several hours of reading the directions, attempting
to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and
called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in
a short while had the set completely assembled.
It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together
without even reading instructions."
"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read,
and when you can't read, you've got to think."
-<>-
Needing to look up a phone number while at a friend's house,
my teenage daughter asked for a phone book. She might as
well have asked for a papyrus scroll.
"A phone book?" asked her friend.
"You know," said my daughter. "A book with numbers in it."
"Oh," said her friend as it dawned on her. "You mean a math
book."
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouthPiece:
.
/ \
/ . \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / WW \ \
/ / C_ "-.__ \ \
/ / "- "_ \ \
/ / //|--L-\\ \ \
/ / // |// \\ \ \
/ `-----------------' \
`-----------------------'
ctr
>Signs Of The Times:
Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE
DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. THIS
DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. (PLEASE USE SIDE
DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT
BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A
DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET
LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
-<>-
>What's Best.......Prison Vs. Work Compared
IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10
cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6 x 8 cubicle.
IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT WORK you only get a break for 1 meal, and you have to pay
for it and it tastes like prison food.
IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock and
open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share.
IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work
required.
AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then
they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through bars from
the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and
inside bars.
IN PRISON there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK they are called managers.
Still.... Where Would You Rather Be Today???
-<>-
_.._..,_,_
( )
]~,"-.-~~[
.=])' (; ([
| ]:: ' [
'=]): .) ([
|:: ' |
~~----~~
Paul Martin Howard
>Top 10 Most Brilliant Marketing Mess Ups
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where
it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the
following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an
Electrolux."
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into
German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not
too many people had use for the "manure stick."
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used
the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian
baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies
routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since
most people can't read.
5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the
name of a notorious porno magazine.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the
Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of
"I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato"
(la papa).
7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated
into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in
Chinese.
8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to
make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it
takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-
la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed
with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched
40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-
le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."
10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its
ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket
and embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word
"embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read:
"It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Pet Confessions!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petconfessions.html
Fun With Nature!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html
Animal Friends 5!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends5.html
Awww Animals 10!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals10.html
Dog Rescue Stories!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues.html
Dangerous Critters!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters.html
Dog Family Portraits!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogfamilies.html
Come Smile With Me!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smilewithme.html
Koalas In A Heatwave!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html
Look Who's Talking 9!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking9.html
Church Mouse Wisdom!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/churchmouse.html
Beautiful Exotic Birds 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds2.html
Australian Fire Tornado!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firetornado.html
Cute Australian Wildlife!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australiaanimals.html
Wild Kisses And Snuggles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildkisses.html
Australian Cockatoo Story!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html
Adorable Wrinkly Puppies!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wrinklypuppies.html
Kisses Sweeter Than Honey
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kisses.html
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>Please Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
http://tinyurl.com/zwjhzjg
-<>-
>From Emergencyemailalert:
Alert Product Recalls: sausage, vegetables, chicken, microwaves
http://tinyurl.com/hy5bk4h
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
24 Tricks to Survive Hot Summer Nights (Without AC)
http://tinyurl.com/h2e7oud
---
...Good one! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Only the British could dream up this Commercial. It is only 30
seconds long. You have seen her in many Victoria Secret ads on
TV, now you get the whole picture. Gotta get me the new improved
Dyson!
http://zanylol.com/dyson.html
JESUS LOVER - Pronunciation is critical
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az-HsO04zkU
---
...OMGoodness! LOL! Thanks PatDeE
Why I always say 'in the name of Jesus CHRIST' Only One!
A repeat but worth watching and remember those who have given so
much. About six miles from Maastricht. in the Netherlands lie
buried 8,301 American soldiers who died in "Operation Market
Garden" in the battles to liberate Holland in the fall and winter
of 1944-5. Everyone of the men buried in the cemetery, as well as
those in the Canadian and British military cemeteries has been
adopted by a Dutch family who mind the grave, decorate, and keep
alive the memory of the soldier they have adopted. It is even the
custom to keep a portrait of "their" American soldier in a place
of honor in their home. Annually on "Liberation Day" Memorial
Services are held for "the men who died to liberate Holland." The
day concludes with a concert. The final piece is always "Il
Silenzio", a memorial piece commissioned by the Dutch and first
played in 1965 on the 20th anniversary of Holland's liberation.
It has been the concluding piece of the memorial concert ever
since, This year the soloist was a 13 year old Dutch girl,
Melissa Venema, backed by André Rieu and his orchestra (the
Royal Orchestra of the Netherlands). This beautiful concert piece
is based upon the original version of taps and was composed by
Italian composer Nino Rossi.
Andre Rieu - Il Silenzio (Maastricht 2008) DIGITAL TV
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4l3Rgq-L1M
---
...So very beautiful! Thank you PatDeE!
Even at 27 Hillary was considered a LIAR!
Jerry Zeifman said he supervised Hillary Rodham Clinton as she
worked on the team that worked on the Watergate impeachment
inquiry, and that during the investigation Hillary Clinton had
“...engaged in a variety of self-serving, unethical practices in
violation of House rules.”
https://www.truthorfiction.com/clinton-watergate/
---
...Yeppers! That's Hillary! Thanks PatDeE!
Sounds a lot like her actions while Secretary of state with her
foundation and emails! She was only 27 but has not changed - a
liar and unethical then and still is now! He was finally able to
terminate her! Too bad Pres.Obama didn't have the sense to do the
same!
I am sure that if elected President she will again
"engaged in a variety of self-serving, unethical practices".
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Professional magician and mentalist Oz Pearlman gets inside the
heads of Howard Stern and Howie Mandel and qualifies for Radio
City Music Hall.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2huwKE7-de8
Tom Cruise and Jimmy Fallon have an epic lip sync battle with
'Can't Feel My Face' 'Paradise By The Dashboard Light' and 'You've
Lost That Loving Feeling.'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CW1_dUBzJV8
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Your antidepressant
https://www.facebook.com/video/embed?video_id=10200387320826253
---
...Awww, lots of smiles! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"In Austria, a man is reportedly in good spirits after becoming
the world's first recipient of a tongue transplant.
Apparently, his wife is in even better spirits.
-Conan O'Brien
"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp,
because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to
catch you because, hey, free dummy."
-Jack Handey
"A congresswoman from Texas is complaining that hurricanes are
never given African-American names. As a result, today the
National Weather Service gave a shout out to Tyrell."
-Conan O'Brien
"Today is Thursday. Or what I like to call on Friday, 'yesterday.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"Astronomers at NASA are saying that they discovered a new
Earth-like planet that's only 4.2 light years away. I know,
I reacted the exact same way as you did. I don't know how
far that is either." -James Corden
"KFC has come out with a sunscreen that makes you smell like
fried chicken. Of course if you want to smell like KFC, you
could just ride around in any single guy's car." -Conan O'Brien
"Congratulations to Team USA for winning over 100 medals!
The most of any country, and my condolences to everyone
who is behind them at airport security." -Jimmy Fallon
"Last week, Twitter introduced a 'quality filter' that
gets rid of tweets that contain spam, mean, or unwanted
content. An hour later, Twitter filed for bankruptcy."
-Conan O'Brien
"Police in Australia are searching for a group of men seen
releasing live crocodiles into a school building. Though,
if you ask me, they should probably be searching for the
crocodiles." -Seth Meyers
"Scientists have found a new link between high blood sugar
and dementia. Which explains Cinnabon's new slogan, 'The
last bite you'll remember.'" -Conan O'Brien
"Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology
that can tell if students are actually reading their text-
books. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study found that humans started wearing clothes about
170,000 years ago. In fact, the first sentence ever spoken
was, 'Me look fat in this?'" -Jimmy Fallon
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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