Blondes, Cat In A Tree And More... :) Shangy!
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or email me here:
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND For Google Plus Users:
You can find me here... Shangy Bigham
https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
*~* We HAD A FANTASTIC MONTH OF CARING AND SHARING!!
.-""""--.
/ )
/ --"`
/ _`:---.
| .-' `\
\ / .----'./
\ : ,-' ~(.).)\
\_| \ ._) |
/ | \.__, /
_.--' )`///-,-'
/ / _| (_\\
| (____/____)
\ ___/ | _
`---( ` )
`-, .'
(__.'._/'._/
|`| |
__/ / /
// | `--.
|| /_____)
jgs `=---`
>PLEASE Be Sure To Check These Out And Share Them With Your Friends!
Pets Left Home Alone 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petshome2.html
Recycled Watch Vehicles!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watchart.html
Dog Days Of Summer 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays2.html
Goose Calls For Cops!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html
Snowflake The Duck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowflaketheduck.html
Beaker The Duck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beakertheduck.html
Old 1917 Blackboards!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackboards.html
Discoveries By Accident!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/discoveries.html
Fawn Rescue 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fawnrescue2.html
Animals And Windows!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalsandwindows.html
Why Trump 2?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump2.html
London At Night!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/london.html
*~* MAY GOD SUPER BLESS OUR THOUGHTFUL CONTRIBUTORS!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.-._.--._
/ /
-. |
\ |__
,-'______.-'
'( c-(_)(_)__
\ .._ . )
\ / `-'
/\-|\_
/-. \ /
( , o)\
| | o)\
c - _/\\
/ \ \=====|
| //======|
| / =====_/
|/\===/=/
)==)=)
(==|=|
| |=|______
(_.-. ) )
'--''-' [nabis]
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to
be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum
cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple
of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very
latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and
she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and
pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you
have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a
bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse
manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the
remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a
good appetite because they cut off my electricity this morning."
-<>-
>What Are The Odds?
A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial.
"Jury trial," the defendant replied.
"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.
"Sure," replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant
people decide my fate instead of one."
-<>-
Two women were talking at a party. One said: "My brother-in-law
is a real Renaissance Man."
"Why, because he has a broad area of knowledge and is an expert
in a number of fields?"
"No. Because he looks as if he was born 500 years ago."
-<>-
Sheriff: If you had a gun with only one bullet and an outlaw was
coming at you from the north and another from the south, which
would you shoot?
Deputy: I'd shoot the gun.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 1 is National Raspberry Cream Pie Day
August 2 is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day
August 3 is National Watermelon Day
August 4 is U.S. Coast Guard Day
August 5 is Summer Olympics begin in Rio and Work Like a Dog Day
August 6 is National Mustard Day and Wiggle Your Toes Day
August 7 is Friendship Day, International Forgiveness Day,
National Lighthouse Day and Sisters Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
, ,.~"""""~~.. ___
)\,)\`-, `~._ .' ``._
\ \ | ) `~._ .-"""""-._ / \
_/ (' ( _(\ `~~,__________..-"' `-< \
) ) ` )/) ) \ \ |
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`. `'` \| | / .-` / .'
`-._.--t ; |_.-) / .'
; / \ / / .'
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/,_\ .',_(
/___( /___( hjw
>Lost Money
The receptionist for the company where I'm employed found some
cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. She sent
the following e-mail: "If anybody can say where they lost $66,
please let me know and it will be returned to you."
Within minutes one employee replied, "Kentucky Derby, 1986."
-<>-
>Blood Draw
After I warned the nurse taking blood that it would be very hard
to find a vein on me, she said, "Don't worry. We've seen worse.
Last year we had a girl come in to get a blood test for her
marriage license and we had to stick her six times in four places
before we got anything."
"Yes, I know," I said. "That was me!"
-<>-
>College Cafeteria
One outraged college student stomped up to the lunch line at
the cafeteria, holding a plate with a piece of pie on it.
"This is disgusting!" he exclaimed. "What kind of pie do you
call this?!"
The lunch lady calmly put down her ladle, looked him in the eye
and snarled, "And just what does it taste like?"
"It tastes like cardboard and rubber cement!" the student cried.
The lunch lady thinks a moment, then replies, "That must be the
apple. The cherry pie tastes like stale crackers and soap."
-<>-
>Seat Belt (1)
I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat
belt.
She asked, "Do I click the square?"
I said, "Yes."
She asked me, "Single click or double click?"
-<>-
>Seat Belt (2)
A lady who was speeding was pulled over to the side of the road
by an officer.
She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she
quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you
are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all
times?"
"Oh, yes I do, officer," she replied.
"Well," asked the officer, "do you always loop it through your
steering wheel?"
-<>-
>Cat in a Tree
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline,
it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following
morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet
up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire
department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said.
When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets hungry enough."
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
'. |
'. | ___________________ ____________
'. | | _______________ | |.----------.|
. '. | | | | | || |> ||
|'. '. | | | ___ ___ | | || O /| ||
|. '. '.____________| | | | | | | | | || /_( ||
|||.| | | | | | | | | | | || .___|__ ||
||||| | | | | | | | | | | ||~~\____|~~||
||||| | | | | | | | | | | || ~ ~ ~||
||||| | | | | | | | | | | |:__________:|
||||| | * | | | | | | | | | '------------'
||||| | *..' | | | '---___---'__| |
| '| | _:_ | | | |_____| |__= |
|. () | ( ) | | | ___ ___ ()| |
||||| | ) ( | | | | | | | | |
||||| | ===========| | | | | | | | |
||||| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
||||| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
||||| _|___|_|____|_| | | | | | | | |
|||:|--"" |___|_|____|_| | | '---' '---' | |
"| _|..--"' ' ' |______| | | |___________________grp___
-'"' |______|_|_______________|_|_________________________
>SMILES
A blonde returning home from work finds that her house has
been ransacked and burglarized. She phones the police and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcasts the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby is first to respond. As
the K-9 officer approaches the house with his dog on a
leash, the blonde puts her face in her hands and sobs,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the
police for help, and They send me a BLIND policeman!"
--------
Two blondes meet on the street. One is carrying a sack.
The other one says, "What'cha got in the bag?"
"Just some chickens."
"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"
"Heck, if you guess right and I'll give you both of them."
"OK. Ummmmm ... five?"
--------
A blond guy walks into a hardware store and says, "I need
a chain saw that'll cut six trees in an hour."
The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The
blond is suitably impressed and buys it.
The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is
defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all
the gosh-darned day!"
The salesman takes the chain saw and starts it up to see
what's wrong.
The blond guy asks, "What's that noise?
--------
A brunette and a blonde are walking through the park when the
brunette sees a dead bird on the sidewalk and she says "Look at
the dead bird!"
The blonde looks upwards and says "where?"
--------
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde
said, "I hate all the blonde jokes people tell."
"Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out
there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
They went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said
the brunette.
The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got
out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See! That guy
was really stupid."
"No kidding," replied the blonde. "There was a pay phone just
around the corner. You could have called instead."
--------
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods
store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing
with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she
happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today
before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do his
thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar!
Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Oh No! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate
number!"
--------
One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife for leaving
her keys in the ignition of the car. "If I take them out of the
car I'll lose them," she reasoned.
"Yes dear," countered the husband, "but what if someone steals your
car?"
"Oh, that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in
the glove box!"
-------
I'm a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while I
was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a red
light without stopping. I told him that he had automatically
failed the test.
We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained
what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she
asked incredulously, "He ran a red light?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Well," persisted the mom, "how red was the light?
--------
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and
leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just
before the conclusion of the service.
Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. "I went to
get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," asked the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the
service?"
"Because," the gentleman retorted, "I didn't need one then."
--------
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from
his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to
and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep.
As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on
one of the city's major jogging routes.
No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking
on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Yes?"
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"
The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15." The jogger
said thanks and left.
The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was
another knock on the window and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25!"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other
joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before
another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen
and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the
time!" Once again he settled back to sleep.
He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.
"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!"
--------
The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when
the door was opened by a nude woman.
"Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist."
Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the
routine questions. When his asked, "How many children do you have?"
The lady replied, "Eighteen."
"Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist, you just don't have time
to get dressed!"
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve,
effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and no
other word, and no other language, can do it justice.
-<>-
__ __
.' `'._.'` '.
| .--; ;--. |
| ( / \ ) |
\ ;` /^\ `; /
:` .'._.'. `;
jgs '-`'.___.'`-'
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for a dollar
each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at
lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her
$1.00, but never take a pretzel.
This offering went on for more than 3 years. The two of them
never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old lady's
stand and left his dollar as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him
for the first time in over 3 years. Without blinking an eye she
said: "They're $1.25 now."
-<>-
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the
fortune teller delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt.
Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent
and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's
lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at
her shaking hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Her mind raced.
A question forced it's way out... she simply had to know.. She
met the Fortune Teller's gaze, tried to steady her voice and
asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
For some reason, wives tend to like this joke!
-<>-
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a
letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill
her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by
the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning
against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece
of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention
and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up,
and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down
the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door,
insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger
waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming
Sister," he replied.
"Don't Despair paid 80-to-1."
-<>-
[Political Humor]
Saturday afternoon, in Washington, DC an aide to President Barack
Obama visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in Washington.
He told the Cardinal that President Barack Obama would be attending
the next mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out
Obama to the congregation and say a few words that would include
calling Obama a saint.
The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the man, and there
are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of
Obama's views. Obama's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check
here and now for a donation of $10,000 to your church if you'll
just tell the congregation you see Obama as a saint." The Cardinal
thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so
I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Obama's aide promised, Obama appeared for the Sunday worship and
seated himself prominently at the forward left side of the center
aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal
pointed out that Obama was present. The Cardinal went on to explain
to the congregation, "While President Obama's presence is probably
an honor to some, the man is not numbered among my personal favorite
personages. Some of his views are contrary to tenets of the Church,
and he tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Barack
Obama is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a
nit-wit.
Barack Obama is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must
say, Barack Obama is the worst example of a Christian I have ever
personally witnessed. He is a narcissist and is using his speaking
ability to lie to the American people. He also has a reputation
for shirking his obligations, both In Washington and in Illinois.
The man is simply not to be trusted."
The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with Hillary Clinton,
Obama is a Saint."
-<>-
For you working folks, try this one out, well maybe not!
>THE RAISE
Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss: Sure, come on in¦ What can I do for you?
Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of
this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss: Yes.
Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a
raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I
decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is
just not the right time.
Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the
current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales,
But you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-
activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't
want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten per
cent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that
sound?
Employee: Great! It's a deal. Thank you, sir!
Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are
after you?
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company
and the Mortgage Company!
(This is one worth forwarding, have a great day!)
---
...LOL! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>All The News:
http://www.rightalerts.com
Clinton fact-checked on 'truthful' claim in email scandal
http://tinyurl.com/hxrpl9g
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
As David Bowie said (sang), "Fame, it's not your brain, it's
just the flame, That burns your change to keep you insane."
And I think in this instance, those words are justified.
The instance I'm referring to is aspiring rapper (that's
lyrics, not presents) Kasper Knight of Indianapolis, Indiana
who attempted to jump start his career in a rather dramatic
way.
They say there is no such thing as bad publicity, but even
if that is true Knight might have come up with a better way
to gain a little fame than recording himself shooting him-
self in the face.
In the video, Knight was seen pressing a gun against his
cheek and pulling the trigger without hesitation, blowing
a hole in the side of the face. Knight then placed his
hand on his cheek as blood poured from his mouth.
Knight wrote on Facebook that he wanted to shoot himself in
the face during a music video, but he was unable to find a
cameraman willing to record it. "I actually wanted to put
this in a music video, but no cameraman wanted to record it.
So I did it myself since I felt like taking a bullet to the
face."
The stunt was designed to try and generate interest in his
music, instead of using, say, talent, for example.
"I look slightly disorientated after the blast. That's
because my ears were ringing in pain," Knight said. "It
was hard to focus on sound and although I assumed that I
swallowed the bullet, I wasn't quite sure."
I saw the video and though I'm no expert it looks awfully
real to me. I'm not going to post the video because don't
have the stomach to enable this clown, but if you'd like
to look it up yourself I'm sure you can find it.
-<>-
A Florida man, arrested when police found suspected crystal
meth on his floorboard, was cleared weeks later when the
substance was revealed as doughnut glaze.
The police report of the incident in Orlando says an officer
staking out a 7-Eleven store for suspected drug activity
pulled over Daniel Rushing, 64, after he left the store for
failing to make a complete stop before pulling out of the
parking lot and driving 42 mph in a 30 mph zone.
Cpl. Shelby Riggs-Hopkins, an eight-year veteran of the
department, wrote she asked Rushing to exit his vehicle when
she noticed a concealed carry permit in his wallet and he
confirmed that he had a gun.
The officer took note of "a rock like substance on the
floor board where his feet were."
"I recognized through my eleven years of training and
experience as a law enforcement officer the substance to be
some sort of narcotic," she wrote.
Rushing consented to a search of his car and officers found
three more pieces of the suspicious substance, which the
driver identified to police as glaze from a Krispy Kreme
doughnut.
"I kept telling them, 'That's ... glaze from a doughnut.
They tried to say it was crack cocaine at first, then they
said, 'No, it's meth, crystal meth,'" Rushing reported.
The police report confirms Rushing told the officers it was
doughnut glaze.
Officers conducted two roadside tests that came back
positive for illegal substances, and then proceeded to take
Rushing to the county jail on a methamphetamine possession
charge, where they strip searched him and after about 10
hours, released him on $2,500 bail.
The charges were dropped several weeks later when a Florida
Department of Law Enforcement crime lab confirmed Rushing
had been telling officers the truth.
Rushing has hired attorney William Ruffier to seek damages
from the city. "I just don't want this to happen to anybody
else," Rushing said. "I got arrested for no reason at all."
*------------ This Time Is WAS Meth ------------*
Customs officers in Los Angeles found more than 11 pounds of
crystal meth hidden in the lining of a traveler's luggage.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection announced officers at Los
Angeles International Airport searched the suitcase of a
27-year-old California woman returning from a trip to
Guadalajara, Mexico, when she was seen acting nervous. The
officers discovered the lining of the woman's suitcase
contained a false compartment filed with tape-wrapped
packages of crystal methamphetamine totaling 11.24 pounds.
"Once again, the training, expertise and commitment of our
Officers prevented dangerous narcotics from entering and
harming our community." said Mitchell Merriam, CBP Los
Angeles International Airport Port Director.
*------- Just About As Low As You Can Get -------*
How much do black market prosthetic toddler legs go for? The
family members of a little boy in California, issued a plea,
asking for heartless thieves to return a stolen prosthetic
leg. Amanda McFarland and Frank Brenes took their family to
the Crystal Cove State Beach. Their son, Liam, 4, was born
without the fibula bone, and had his leg amputated when he
was 1 year old. He was fitted with a prosthetic leg. On
Sunday, Liam was at the beach for the first time in his
life. He went into the water with an old prosthetic leg, but
when he returned, he found that thieves have taken all his
stuff including his prosthetic leg. Liam's parents looked in
all the dumpsters for the leg, but they could not find it.
They then issued a public appeal, and urged the thieves to
return their child's leg. Police launched an investigation,
but so far, no arrests have been made.
*-- Russian Breaks Round-the-World Balloon Record --*
A Russian balloonist broke the record for traveling around-
the-world in the fastest time in a hot air balloon. Fyodor
Konyukhov, 64, passed directly over the airfield Saturday
afternoon in the Western Australian town of Northam where
he began his journey 11 days ago. He landed a few hours
later in Bonnie Rock, about 100 miles east of Northam. If
his record is confirmed by the World Air Sports Federation,
it is two days quicker than the record by the late American
Steve Fossett in 2002. "He's safe, he's sound, he's happy.
It's just amazing," support crew member John Wallington said
from the landing site. A video posted on his instagram page
shows his balloon flying over Australia as part of the
20,500-mile journey. The first men to achieve the trip were
Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones in 1999 in 19 days.
Konyukhov traveled across the Pacific Ocean and the Southern
Ocean aboard the 184-foot helium-filled balloon. He flew over
New Zealand, South America, the Cape of Good Hope,the borders
of Antarctica and safely returned to Australia.
*-- Walmart Thief Escapes on Electric Scooter --*
Police are seeking information about an Arizona man who
carried out a robbery in a local Walmart on an electric
scooter. Pima County Sheriff's Department shared
surveillance video of the scooter bound thief as he
reportedly placed items in the basket of the scooter and
tried to leave the Tuscon store without paying. The footage
shows a female Walmart employee approach the man as he
attempts to dodge on the scooter before driving it into the
employee and pinning her against the wall. Two customers
helped the employee free herself from between the wall and
the scooter, but the man can be seen driving the vehicle
through the store's exit and reportedly evaded capture by
heading west. Police described the man as a caucasian male
with brown hair and a mustache in his late 40s or early 50s
and was seen carrying crutches. In addition to the July 3
incident caught on film, police said the man was also wanted
in connection with a July 2 robbery attempt in the same store.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Annie :)
_,--, _
__,-'____| ___ /' |
/' `\,--,/' `\ /' |
( ) ( )'
\_ _/' `\_ _/ pb
""" """
>Forgot My Glasses
Yesterday my daughter-in-law again asked why I didn't do something
useful with my time.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite
topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior
center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when she came over yesterday I decided to teach her
a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had
joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 83 years old and you're
going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a
membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do. . . I signed
up for five jumps a week," I told her.
She fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes
it can be fun.
My life is just a bunch of "It seemed like a good idea at the
time" strung together.
---
...LOL! Thanks Annie!
==========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
|\
| | /|
| V |
| | A Lefty Wielding A Broken Sword
1 | | 1
8b | | d8
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888b%%%%| |%%%%d888
"Y88888[[[]]]88888Y"
[[[]]]
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_[[[]]]> "\ _____
(_______ "-( * * )----
(________ | Y |
(_________ _(_____)____
(________,_/"
||||||
{{{}}}
{{{{}}}}
{{{}}}
()
[Politics]
Let me see if I got this right...
Thousands of Islamic terrorists are planning to
slaughter American civilians on American soil,
And Obama's and Hillary's response is to
1) Disarm the American people.
2) Import more terrorists
---
...Go figure! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
===========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_________________________
|| || || ||
|| ||, , ,|| ||
|| (||/|/(\||/ ||
|| ||| _'_`||| ||
|| || o o || ||
|| (|| - `||) ||
|| || = || ||
ScS || ||\___/|| ||
||___||) , (||___||
/||------\_/------||\
/ || || \
(_(||) (||)_)
|"""""""""""""""""""""""""""|
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,
and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave
me the wrong change!"
"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier.
"We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing
I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."
"Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like
to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."
-<>-
My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man
stopped us to ask if we would take part in a survey. One of
the questions was; "Do you think there is too much sex in
movies?"
"I don't know," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped
up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is
doing."
-<>-
A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand
him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when
he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will
inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to
live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him
to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most
intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as
though he's the most handsome man in the room and will
enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and
invincible man alive.
No wait...sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It's scotch that
does all that.
-<>-
One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do
anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the
second friend.
"I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another
10 pounds first."
-<>-
Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was
under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I
wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at
myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look
like a clown."
I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until
I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt
and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked,
"Are you giving out balloons?"
-<>-
I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker
that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an
very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light
is still red, you MORON!?"
=========================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
. .
:"-. .-";
|:`.`.__..__.'.';|
|| :-" "-; ||
:; :;
/ .==. .==. \
: _.--._ ;
; .--.' `--' `.--. :
: __;` ':__ ;
; ' '-._:;_.-' ' :
'. `--' .'
."-._ _.-".
.' ""------"" `.
/`- -'\
/`- -'\
:`- .' `. -';
; / \ :
: : ; ;
; ; : :
':_:.' '.;_;'
:_ _;
; "-._ -" :`-. _.._
:_ () _; "--::__. `.
\"- -"/`._ :
.-"-. -"-. ""--..____.'
/ .__ __. \
: / , / "" \ . \ ; bug
"-:___..--" "--..___;-"
>Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy
To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or to remain within: that is the question:
Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
And so by dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
And stall the dinner bell.
To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state
A wish to venture forth without delay,
Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
As if transfixed by doubt.
To prowl; to sleep;
To choose not knowing when we may once more
Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;
For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,
Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
And going out and coming in were made
As simple as the breaking of a bowl,
What cat would bear the household's petty plagues,
The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
That fur is heir to, when, of his own free will,
He might his exodus or entrance make
With a mere mitten?
Who would spaniels fear,
Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,
But that the dread of our unheeded cries
And scratches at a barricaded door
No claw can open up, dispels our nerve
And makes us rather bear our humans' faults
Than run away to unguessed miseries?
Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;
And thus the bristling hair of resolution
Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,
And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
We pause upon the threshold of decision.
-shakespaw
-<>-
_ _{Ss
//\\_/_/\Ss
_/_| \_/ \_ pb
>Supermodel Wisdom
ON COURAGE
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I
thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates
herself from behind." -- Cindy Crawford
ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE
"Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not
my cleavage." -- Carole Mallory
ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-- Beverly Johnson
ON FATE
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face
that." -- Christie Brinkley
ON PSYCHOLOGY
"I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she
liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do
with low self-worth." -- Tatjana Patitz
ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more
particular about the acting roles I take."
-- Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'
ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-- Tyra Banks
ON DEATH
"Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't
help it." -- Cindy Crawford
ON INTRODUCTIONS
"I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be
able to meet yourself -- it's eerie."
-- Christy Turlington
ON COURTSHIP
"The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music
that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me
when women are nearby."
-- Fabio
ON THE GRIEF PROCESS
"When my Azzedine jacket from 1987 died, I wrapped it up in a box,
attached a note saying where it came from and took it to the
Salvation Army. It was a big loss."
-- Veronica Webb
ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles -- but I had on
thick tights underneath."
-- Naomi Campbell
-<>-
>Eponyms
What is an Eponyms you may wonder? No, I didn't make this one up,
eponyms are words we use in everyday life that are based on
peoples names, like:
Bobbies - Sir Robert(Bobby) Peel, a British politician in 1850
organized a police force in England called bobbies.
Braille - Named for Louis Braille of France, who invented it to
teach his blind students.
Cardigan - No joke! This type of sweater was first worn by none
other than the Earl of Cardigan, in Great Britain.
Derby - A stiff felt hat favored today by rappers is credited to
Edward Stanley, twelfth Earl of Derby.
Guillotine - Marie Antionette's favourite little toy came to be in
1789, by Dr.Joseph Guillotin of France.
Leotards - In the 1800's a french gymnast, Julius Leotard,
designed these little beauties.
-<>-
.--------------------
|
| ,-""-. /)
| / c/-} //
| ( ,--)T-. //
| `/ ,_) )\__,-/
| / /. \'_,-"<
| / / ) _`).__
| _/,' ( ""-."-.
|'-/ _/`-----. ),'
|o!O '"-'"""----"
>"Words of Wisdom"
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?", it's always a
negative one.
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little
extra.
Pain and suffering are inevitable but misery is optional.
-<>-
dp
dp
||
_||_
' || ` ~/
) || ( //
_)::(_ //
) || ( //
( \/ ) //
`-..-' /' PG
>Violinists
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the
piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which
the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit
around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided
to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick
one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of
them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we
might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of
the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a
few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall
and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a
member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit
edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's
the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists
are loaded."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Colorful Birds 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html
Lava Lake!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lavalake.html
Crayola Art 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crayolaart2.html
Pretty Bugs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bugs.html
Al Ain Paradise!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baskets.html
Indian Paper Sculpture!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/indianart.html
World's Unusual Tunnels!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnels.html
Beautiful Aerial England!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/england.html
Playing With Food 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food4.html
This is India!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/india.html
Medical Health Test!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/medical.html
Tinian Island
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tinian.html
Why We Love Dogs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whydog.html
Boys To President!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html
Hiking In China!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html
LCS 2 USS Independence
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lcs2.html
-<>-
>From TruthOrTradition:
The 2016 STF National Event is right around the corner! The
deadline for the hotel’s discounted room rate is August 18th.
Please join us for FREE on September 9-11 in Atlanta, GA!
http://www.stfonline.org/event-items/stf-2016-national-event
The STF National Conference is a time when people from all over
the world are invited to spend a weekend together to be encouraged,
inspired, and better equipped in their walk with the Lord.
There will be inspirational teachings, praise and worship,
workshops, presentations and instruction in the use of STF products
and resources and, as always, times for fellowship and friendship.
Our conferences have always proven to be a time of much spiritual
refreshment and encouragement, so please consider attending this
year’s conference! It just won’t be the same without you!
To REGISTER (for FREE), please use this direct link:
http://stfonlinestore.com/stf-national-conference.aspx
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
http://tinyurl.com/jewn5ou
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
She sent us one we have here...
Bizarre Nature!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bizarrenature.html
BEST AND WORST FRUITS AND VEGGIES FOR PETS
http://www.akc.org/learn/dog-health/fruits-vegetables-dogs-can-and-cant-eat/
Pet Alligator
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZasB6oHI0xc
---
...Wowsers! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Cloie :)
80-odd years of Shake It Off - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDurYyFFt_M
---
...LOL! A Fun one! Thanks Cloie!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Magician Richard Jones once again amazes the judges of Britain's
Got Talent 2016 and moves on to the Final.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ_vf8ljgHU
Sometimes even our normally-graceful feline friends have an off
day. These poor kitties just don't have much luck today, or are
just not planning their jumps well enough!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V7ICeZe1Mk
---
...LMAO! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"It's being reported that 19 out of the 31 apartment
buildings in the Rio Olympic Village are not ready yet.
Today, Rio organizers asked, 'How does everybody feel
about a Fall Olympics?'" -Conan O'Brien
"Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated
by a major party in the United States, which even if she
doesn't win is going to look great on her resume."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"New York was hit with a large thunderstorm last night,
which caused enough rain to create temporary waterfalls
in some subway stations. It's the closest New Yorkers
have ever come to seeing nature." -Seth Meyers
"The manager of English soccer team Manchester United has
banned his players from playing Pokemon Go. The Manchester
United manager said, 'I want my players thinking about
soccer, not some fun game where interesting things happen.'"
-Conan O'Brien
"The theme for the Democrats today at the Democratic
Convention is 'United Together.' Which really is the best
way to be united. So much better than being united apart."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama appeared on Face the Nation this weekend
and said of Hillary Clinton, 'She's not always flashy, and
there are better speechmakers, but she knows her stuff.'
Man, I'd hate to see Obama set somebody up on a blind date.
'She's got one wonky eye and she talks too much, but you
don't wanna die alone, do ya?'" -Seth Meyers
"A new study says that children are suffering bad health
effects from eating too much pizza. The study was
explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried
to eat." -Conan O'Brien
"There's a new weather phenomenon, causing unusually high
temperatures, expected to get up to 115 degrees in some
states. So, don't go to some of those states. And the fear
is that the heat dome will turn into a thunderdome, and
we'll have to turn to Mad Max to help us." -Jimmy Kimmel
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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