Blondes, Cops And Rednecks... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend Geniann. Here's some SMILES for those who like to play fetch with themselves and even for those of us who don't. Enjoy! :) /` |>18>> / | <-->From Smilezilla: . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said, "I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires." -<>- Two friends with radically different political views are on their way to the polls on election day. One guy turns to the other and says, "You know, we've argued about this for months, and we're obviously going to vote for different candidates. Our votes will cancel each other out anyways, so why don't we just call it a draw and go home instead?" Other guy agrees, they shake hands and part ways. Another guy who overheard the conversation approaches the dealmaker and says with admiration, "That's a real sportsmanlike offer you just made!" "Not really," guy says, "Just this afternoon I've already done this three times." -<>- This little girl comes home from her first day at school and says, "I'm never going to school again!" Her father asks why. She says, "The teacher said that 5+5 = 10. Then she said that 6+4 = 10, and 7+3 = 10 and 8+2 = 10 and 9+1 = 10." The father asks, "What's your point?" "She needs to make up her mind!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 6 is National Gardening Exercise Day, National Yo-Yo Day and Ramadan June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day June 8 is Best Friends Day and Name Your Poison Day June 9 is Donald Duck Day June 10 is Iced Tea Day June 11 is National Corn on the Cob Day June 12 is Red Rose Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ______ .-' . . .'-. / ' \ ' \ | ' \ ' | | : () : | | . . | \ . . . . / `-.______.-' )( / \ / ?? \ (weight) ___)____(___ jgs [____________] >Drugstore Scale A man and a woman go into a drugstore to pick up a prescription. While they are waiting, the man climbs on an old-fashioned scale and puts a quarter in. A card emerges that says, "You are thoughtful, considerate, kindhearted, and good with children." Very smugly, he hands the card to his wife. She reads it and says, "It didn't get your weight right, either." -<>- >Two-Week Vacation After a two-week vacation, a man returned to his office and one of his fellow workers asked him what kind of time he'd had. "I spent the whole two weeks helping my wife paint the rooms in our house," he groaned. "Does she do that often?" "Well," he replied, "when we moved in a few years ago, the guest room was nine by twelve. Now it's eight by eleven!" -<>- >Lunch at the Diner While on vacation, my wife and I stopped for lunch at a diner. We sat at the counter, right next to the grill. The cook was a young man who was very busy flipping pancakes. Every so often, he would stop and hit the grill with the handle of the spatula. Finally I asked him facetiously, "Does that improve the taste of the pancakes?" "No," he replied, "That keeps the handle from falling off." -<>- >Lovely Girl An Army driver was chauffeur to a Major who was a notorious womanizer. One day, the Major saw a lovely girl. "Turn the car around," he ordered. The driver promptly stalled the car. By the time he had re-started it the girl had vanished. "Driver," said the Major, "you'd be a total loss in an emergency." "I thought I did pretty well, sir," the driver said. "That was my girlfriend." -<>- >Kids Eat Free A rather cheap man goes to a restaurant with his wife and son. When they are seated, he asks the server, "How are your prices?" The server replies, "Well, kids eat free." The man says, "My son is really hungry so he's going to have three plates." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ._ | | |L___, .' '. T unknown : * :_| '._.' L While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheel- chair. Placing his hand on the man's, he sympathized, "I know exactly how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too." -------- Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk in America. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Viet Nam, 1969." The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog poop, 20 feet back." -------- "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?" asked Sarah to Ruth, a co-worker at a security firm where Sarah recently was hired. "A little." replied Ruth. "What's wrong?" "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover sheet and a blank page," explained Sarah. "I tried it again, and the same thing happened." "How did you load the sheet?" asked Ruth. "Well," explained Sarah, "it's a pretty sensitive memo. I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it, that only the recipient could unfold, open and read it." -------- My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm and, after a while, she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband met and picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass! Her husband replied calmly, "Yes." -------- __ _ / l \~-_ ,----~~~~--+-----`--~----____ @ /~_~\ | ~ | /~_~\~~~-, \_ ( (_) ) \_______| ( (_) )_-~ ~~\___/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\___/~ John Punshon A blonde is driving around in her red sports car and suddenly is pulled over by the police. The policeman approaches the car, holding the ticket and pen ready, and asks: "Young lady, you've been driving almost double the speed limit. Give me your name, please." "Hmmph!" replies the blonde, looking very irritated, "And what am I going to be called THEN?" -------- An Irishman living in Devon goes for a job on a construction site. The foreman asks, "Can you brew tea?" The Irishman replies, "Yes." "Good. Can you drive a forklift?" The Irishman looks at him and asks, "Why, just how big is the TEAPOT?" ------- __ [__] | | | | | | | | | | ,----. /`-. \ ( ) /-._| \ |`----'| | | \ / |`-... | `. ,' |'` . | | || |`,'- | | ,-||-. |`-...| | jrei ( '' ) | | `----' `-....-' A redneck and a Frenchman were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the Frenchman's neck and said, "Do you have any last words?" He said, "No." They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river. Then they tied the same rope around the redneck's neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?" He said, "Yep, you-uns shorten up that thare rope boys 'caws I cain't swim." -------- The nurse went out into the hallway and spoke to the man in the sterile gown and mask pacing up and down saying, "The delivery is going so well, wouldn't you like to come in now?" "No! I can't stand all that blood and screaming. Leave me alone." A few minutes later, she went out again and said, "It is almost over. Wouldn't you like to come in now?" "No! Leave me alone! I told you I can't stand all that blood and screaming!" "But, you must," the nurse replied. "The delivery is almost finished, you are the doctor!" -------- _A .'`"`'. / , , \ | <\^/> | | < (_) >| /====\ (.--._ _.--.) |\ -`\- /| |(_.- >-.)| \__.-'^'._/ |\ . / _.'\ '----'|'-. _.-' O ;-.__.' \O `o. /o \ \/-.-\/| \ jgs| ;, '.|\| / A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "Well that depends - You buyin'?" -------- Showing his friend around his home, Michael started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!" -------- When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he asked, "what is this?" "Why, it’s bean soup," she replied. "I don’t care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?" --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ,:',:`,:' __||_||_||_||__ ____["""""""""""""""]____ \ " '''''''''''''''''''' | ~~jgs~^~^~^^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~~^~^~^^~~^~^ >TO SHARE WITH OLD FOLKS YOU MAY KNOW A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned ow to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.' 'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot. 'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom. AND 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are jokes! Have a good day! "Young at heart" (slightly older in other places!) -<>- ,---. / /\ | /O( \_/ _/ ___) (___ .' // \\ `. .' _/ \ / \_ `. / /( `-' )\ \ ( < \ -' `- / > ) `. \__) (__/ .' `.__} {__.' / `._.' \ | | | | | | \ | / \ | / (_ | _) | | | | | | \ | / \ | / )|( / | \ \_|_/ hjw >Buying a bathing suit When I was a child in the 1960s, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job. Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands. What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my top had disappeared! Eventually, I found one cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her top spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment. The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them. Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water." So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt! You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or without a stylish bathing suit! """You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future""" Today someone asked me if I liked you. I laughed, and I said, "Ha! That's funny!! I freakin' LOVE that chick!! She's funny, caring, crazy as heck, sweet, beautiful, she's reading this email right now & I love her!!" Send this to five ladies you love!! Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~ "Oh Crap, She's up!" --- ...LOL! A lovely classic! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Manhattan Declaration Digest: NEWS FROM AROUND THE COUNTRY ABOUT THE SANCTITY OF HUMAN LIFE, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM, AND MARRIAGE http://tinyurl.com/zytu3yh A Perfect example of what is wrong with Socialism and big government... In Sweden, a Nightmare to Make Any Parent's Blood Run Cold http://tinyurl.com/jll7yxu All The Latest Conservative News http://rightalerts.com/ RECALL: If This Kind Of Flour Is In Your Pantry, It Could Kill Your Entire Family http://conservativetribune.com/if-this-flour-is-in-your-pantry/ SICK: New Kind of Secret Cameras Found in Women’s Room.. Here’s What to Look for http://conservativetribune.com/secret-camera-in-womens-room/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A couple was arrested on a charge of theft after allegedly stealing nearly $200,000 from their boss and using the money to buy lottery tickets, according to police in Pennsylvania. Cressona police said that they have arrested 51-year-old Joan Lechleitner and her fiance, 54-year-old Kerry Titus, who are employees of the Agway grocery store, after being accused of stealing $175,000 from the store before winning more than $200,000 by buying a winning lottery ticket from the same store. The couple was charged with theft, conspiracy and records tampering. According to the police investigation, the couple along with two other employees stole from the Agway store over a period of five years. The employees used the stolen money to buy lottery tickets from the store, including the ticket that won more than $1 million. Lechleitner won a total of $261,904.50. After having financial difficulties, the store owner installed hidden cameras, which captured the suspects stealing money and buying lottery tickets. -<>- Everybody has been talking about this story that happened at the Cincinatti Zoo where a four-year-old boy managed to climb through, over or around the barriers and fell into the gorilla enclosure. A 17-year-old silverback started playing with the child, and instead of taking any chances, zoo staff shot and killed the animal before it could do any real harm. The Internet immediately began filleting the parents, publishing such vitriol on social media as, "How about blaming the f***ing numb-nut parents. Shoot them not the Gorilla." But without knowing the details it is difficult to cast too much blame, unlike a much less well read story that just came out of Japan. Rescue teams there are searching for a seven-year-old boy missing for two days on a mountain range after his parents abandoned him "as punishment." The boy, Yamato Tanooka first went missing at around 4 p.m. local time on Saturday, according to a spokesman for the Hokkaido Prefectural Police. He said police had received an emergency call from his parents at around 6 p.m., and were initially told that the boy had gone missing while on a day trip to the area with his parents and sister. The area is known to be home to wild bears. The parents later admitted to police they had left the boy alone in the mountains while on the way home to punish him for throwing stones at passing cars and people. The boy's father suggested the family had hesitated in reporting him missing because of the circumstances surrounding his disappearance. "I was not able to ask for (a search) with a reason of pun- ishment," the father said. "I thought it might be taken as a domestic violence." The parents immediately drove back to where they had left the boy, but he was no longer there, according to the police spokesman. *----- Beer: Is There Anything It Can't Do? -----* A can of beer helped a Seattle camper extinguish a tent fire that local police believe may have been the result of arson. According to the Seattle Police Department, a man called 911 to report that his tent had been set on fire while he and another person were inside sleeping. The man awoke to find his tent on fire and quickly reached for a can of beer that he had nearby to extinguish the flames. He told police that he had been playing cards with a group of men nearby when one of them accused the man of cheating and threatened to burn down his tent. Neither victim was injured in the fire and officers were unable to identify any witnesses of arson. *-------- Sounds Like a Successful Date --------* A Massachusetts high school student went to a doctor the day after prom to remove the boutonniere pin she accidentally inhaled before the party. Kathleen Garvey, a senior at Wellesley High School, said her prom date, Colin Emerson, was having trouble keeping his boutonniere from falling off during the bus ride to prom so she placed the pin in her mouth while adjusting the floral arrangement. A likely story. "He made some funny joke and I laughed and inhaled it but wasn't positive that's what had happened," she told local news. "I wasn't in pain or anything, and the only thing happening was I was coughing so I just assumed it went missing." The teenager said she was eventually satisfied that the pin had been lost and went to the prom, where she ate and drank without any pain or discomfort. Garvey's mother took her to the doctor the following day as a precaution, and an X-ray quickly revealed the pin's hiding place. "It went down my throat, down my trachea and in my bronchial tube right before my lung," Garvey said. Doctors were able to remove the pin with a scope and determined there was no damage to the teenager's body. *--------- That's About Par for Florida ---------* An enormous alligator was seen walking across the fairway at a golf course in Florida as onlookers captured video footage. Charles Helms, 56, recorded video of the massive gator at Buffalo Creek Golf Course as it made its way across the course. "He was at a pretty safe distance," Helms said of his friend David Matos who can also be seen filming the gator. "This alligator was so large he would only move slowly --about 100 feet at a time -- before having to lie down and rest so he probably wasn't in as much danger as it may have appeared. An alligator expert may refute that; I'm just going on what I have been told." Golf course employee Wendy Schofield said the gator has been seen at the course multiple times and has not been known to pose a threat to golfers. "He doesn't bother anybody and they don't bother him, he's like a mascot for the course," she said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) , /:\ >:< >:< >:< ,,,,,\:/ ######### //////\\\\\ // /_\ /_\ \\ \( 0 _ 0 )/ /\\= _\ =//\ \\/\ --- /\// //\ '---' /\\ \// \\/ /\\ //\ \\/ \// # # jgs " " Fred was driving home from one of his business trips, in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the Indian got into the car. Resuming the journey, Fred tried - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Fred. "What in bag?" asked the old man. Fred looked down at the brown bag and said: "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife." The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said: "Good trade." -<>- _.-. .-. `) | .-. _.'`. .~./ \.~. .`'._ .-'`.'-'.'.-: ;-.'.'-'.`'-. `'`'`'`'` \ / `'`'`'`'` /||\ jgs / ^^ \ `'``'` >Forget Newton and Galileo...Here are the REAL LAWS 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help. 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet. 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician. If you don't forward this, your belly button will unscrew and your bum will fall off! --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-'''''-. |'-----'| /`-.....-`\ | <_} | | .-\-. | _,._ | /# ` \ | __.-` `"""-. | \ / | ..--' `"-. `)_,._ \ '-'-' / (` )--.-"``` `"-.`'-----'` '-----------' ( ) jgs `-------------` I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. -<>- In honor of Memorial Day, the teacher I worked with read the Constitution to her third-grade class. After reading "We the people," she paused to ask the children what they thought that meant. One boy raised his hand and asked, "Is that like 'We da bomb?'" -<>- Two old men went hunting one day. A hang glider came soaring overhead and the first old man raised his gun and fired. After a brief pause the second old man asked "Did you get it, whatever it was?" The first old man replied "No, I think I missed it. But I sure as heck made it turn loose that poor fella it was carrying away!" -<>- When my 14-year-old son, Patrick, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, "Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!" After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on over the loudspeaker. "Sorry folks, that's PAT Hogan!" -<>- ___ ___ _____/___\_____ __|___|__ """"("-_-")"""" ( o_o ) ~ /\_)=o~/ _\~-~/_ _ _~ / /\\\///\ ~ / \/|\/ \/\(|_| \__|\\//\ \ ~ / |. .|\_/ __________|//\\/_/___~______\_\_____|_____ _______ |_|) _______ \_____/ \_____/ jro Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?" John: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she's got to know how to handle finances, have a nice and pleasant personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and if she has her own house it wouldn't hurt either." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" John: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy." -<>- Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles. The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Best Buddies!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestbuds.html Think Positive!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/positive.html Thank You Lord!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html Are Angels Real?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/angelsreal.html Animal Friends 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Rescued Squirrel!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rsquirrel.html Maria The Goose!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Detroit Autorama!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitauto.html Akiane Child Prodigy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Dog Days Of Summer!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays.html Value What You Have!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Attitude Is Everything!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html Kisses Sweeter Than Honey!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kisses.html Military Motivational Posters!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/military.html You Are The Only You God Has!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Adopted Chimp http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adoptedchimp.html --- ...So precious! Thanks Linda! Only watch if you are completely sober. Russian sobriety test. http://safeshare.tv/w/LxQvcdsoYs --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Linda! How To Get To Mars https://www.youtube.com/embed/XRCIzZHpFtY?rel=0 --- ...Wow! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) 60 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About New York City Basically, you’re always walking over thousands of dead bodies. http://tinyurl.com/z22krm8 Real-Life Policing - Maybe Ain't What You Think http://www.fredoneverything.net/RealCops.shtml The Subway - Panhandler Party! https://www.youtube.com/embed/47e3vjA_4uc?feature=player_embedded --- ...A riot! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us ones we have here... Lamb Of God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/lamb.html Detroit Billboards - Chevy Selling It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html Tail of Two Swallows http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html --- ...Awww, such good ones! Thanks Geniann! Chicken http://tinyurl.com/jjplghe Holland's Got Talent - 9 year old https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZWpLfncliwU?rel=0 --- ...Oh so beautiful - brings tears! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A good magician is a master of sleight of hand and distraction and has a charismatic personality. However, a master magician can do all of that, plus show you something you haven't seen before. This magician may seem like the worst you've seen, but that is all an act... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRmD5l37Q7k There is real magic going on here. It's unbelievable. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KrdBUFeFtY --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "AAA reports that more than 38 million Americans will travel at least 50 miles from their home Memorial Day weekend. The number of dads who actually will turn this car around: still zero." -Jimmy Fallon "The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after a major Brooklyn distributor was found with rats and birds nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says it's all a misunderstanding - those ARE the ingredients." -Seth Meyers "A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a man's career because the people in charge of hiring see attractive men as a threat. So if you're a man who was recently hired for a new job, congratulations. You're hideous." -James Corden "The Wall Street Journal just reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, 'I'm doing this for America.'" -Jimmy Fallon "After being arrested for crashing his car into a shopping mall, a Florida man explained to police that he was trying to time-travel. Which is crazy. If you want to travel 50 years into the future, just leave Florida." -Seth Meyers "A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die." -Conan O'Brien "It is Fleet Week here in New York City. Over 4,000 service members come to New York City during Fleet Week. So if you see a lot of people happy to be off a giant ship, they're either sailors or they just got off a Carnival Cruise." -Jimmy Fallon "Several former contestants from the show 'The Biggest Loser' are suing the show for abuse. The contestants said, 'We were completely unprepared for being mistreated when we signed up to be on a show called 'The Biggest Loser.'" -Conan O'Brien "The electronics company LG identified a new phenomenon called low-battery anxiety. People become nervous, distracted, and frustrated when their phones are about to die. If you are not familiar with low-battery anxiety, it's a real condition that primarily affects people with no actual problems." -James Corden "Over 400 passengers missed their flights at Chicago O'Hare on Sunday because of the TSA security lines which were up to three hours long. It's bad news for travelers, but good news for dads who insisted on getting to the airport five hours early." -Jimmy Fallon "The Mexican restaurant Chipotle, which has seen decreasing sales since its recent norovirus outbreak, is trying to win customers back with a contest where one lucky winner will receive free burritos for a year. To me, this seems like one of those contests where the winner is also the loser." -James Corden "According to a new study, there have been more deaths this year from selfie-related incidents than there have been from shark attacks. Good." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************