Blondes, Pets, Elvis And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This piping hot one is from our friend RichardF. Sure to tickle the funny bone of all you dog lovers out there! Check it out here... :\ ;\\ ; ;; __ :/ :-",dP _.ggp. : (*).-"" :$$$$; ; T$$$; : _,- `TP ; `. _ ; ; "" \ / ; `-+' : .-' ; \; ; : `--+'-. .---. ; ;` :_ `. : ; "-, ; / "-. : ; : .p""-. ""--..: ; : .-T$$P ""--..___l-, ; : .-" "" :\()l ; ; _________.-" $$ ;`-' ; ; bug .--""$$$$$$$P : ; '._____.-"_. 'T$$P^' : : .-" \ : '.___...-" ; : / ; ; : . / / / ; .J__ : / .' ; .; "-. ; j.-" : .'/ "-. ; : : ; .' / "---: ; ; : .-" / : : : ; .-" .-" ; ; ; / .' .-" : : : / .' .' : | ; : /\ : : ;: ; : ; ; : : ; : ; : :__ ; | : ; _L__J -`, : : '--. : l l l____l \ _`-,-: ( l ;_:-' / l |`; """ :_l :_;_l " Look Who's Talking 6! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking6.html --- ...Such an adorable funny! Thanks RichardF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Learning About The World __T__I___...__7~ ,_ `"|-=||==|==|==| [_`'---...,____|"_||__|__|__|_ | `'---...__PHILOMENA D_______] jgs~^~-~^-^~^'----~^~---~---------~^---'`~^-^~~^-^~^ A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?" The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I Don't rightly know, son." The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son." Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" "Of course not son. If you don't ask questions,... you'll never learn anything!" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) At The Movies An usher in a very posh theater noticed a man sprawled across three seats. "Sorry, sir," the usher said, "but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient and said, "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, "All right buddy," the manager said, "what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where did you come from, Sam?" With pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day March 19 is Poultry Day March 20 is Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day March 21 is Fragrance Day March 22 is National Goof-off Day March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and Dip Day March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day ======================================================= ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Medical Student Due to his hectic schedule, I had seen little of the medical student who had moved next door to me two years earlier. I learned that he had graduated, and one day when I spotted him in his driveway, I went over and congratulated him. "Well," I said, "Now if I break my arm, you'll be able to fix it." He replied, "I've been able to fix your arm for some time. The important thing is that now I can bill for it." -<>- >Notre Dame Football On a Saturday afternoon when football fever was running high in South Bend, Indiana, a Notre Dame student was brought into the hospital, complaining of abdominal pain. He had acute appendicitis, and as the nurse prepared him for surgery, she asked if he wasn't terribly disappointed to miss the big game. "Oh, I won't miss it," he said. "The doctor is giving me a spinal anesthetic so I can listen to it during the operation." -<>- >New Boat Busy in the yard one afternoon, my father paused to admire our neighbor's new boat. "She sure is a beauty, Charlie," Dad said. Knowing that Charlie's wife was conservative when it came to spending money, my father asked, "Was it expensive?" "The boat itself wasn't so bad," Charlie replied. "But the extras really hurt." "You mean things like water skis, life jackets and trailer?" my father asked. "No," our neighbor said with a sigh. "I mean the new carpet, the kitchen cabinets and the living-room furniture." -<>- >Plaster Man As a foreman for a construction company, my friend John was interviewing an applicant. He asked the plasterer to bring his tools in so he could see what he could do. The fellow returned with tools slung over his shoulder and hanging from his pockets, and in one hand he was holding an unidentifiable object covered in plaster. John asked what it was. "My radio," the chap answered. "All right," said John, "you can start tomorrow." The applicant looked surprised. "That's it? You don't want to see what I can do?" "Any plaster man who has a radio looking like that one," John said, "must have put in at least three years of work." -<>- >Who Are You? I recently moved from a large city to a small town. I went to retrieve some boxes that I had sent to myself in care of the local bus depot. And that first time I walked into the bus depot, I found out what small towns were like. "Your boxes are over there," the clerk said. "How do you know who I am?" I asked. "We all know who you are," he replied. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) oooo$$$$$$$$$$$$oooo oo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o oo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$$ee$$$$$$$$$$$ee$$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$eeee$$$$$$$$$$$$$eeee$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$ee"' $$$$$$$$$$$ '"ee$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$eee $$$$$$$$$$$ "eee$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!$$$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!j$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!j$$$$$$$$$$$ o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!j$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!$$$$$$$$$$$" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"" '"$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" $$$$$$$$$$f"" d$$$$$$$$$b ""q$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$" d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b "$$$$$$$" "$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b $$$$$ "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"" """$$$$$$$"""" unknown >Blondes... There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side!" --------- A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just sh*t in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" --------- It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account?" Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move" ---------- Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!" Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress. ----------- Before leaving home with our family for the drive from Maine to Disney World in Florida, the children were warned that it was a long trip and no one was to ask, "How much farther is it?" or "When will we arrive?" The journey was remarkably question-free until 9 a. m. on the third day, when the youngest of the children sighed, "Will I still be five when we get there?" ----------- One afternoon, Karen, my sister-in-law, was driving with her two little girls, Taylor and Tammy, in the back seat. After a few minutes of listening to them argue, Karen yelled, "Knock it off, both of you!" Taylor, the eldest, asked, "How did you know what we were doing?" "Mommies have eyes in the back of their heads." Karen replied. A few weeks later, the gang was again out driving, doing some errands. "Mommy," Taylor asked innocently, "do you still have eyes in the back of your head?" "Of course I do," Karen responded. "Why do you ask?" "Well," she said, pointing to the object in her hands, "I thought maybe you could read us this book while you drive." ----------- There was a football game where big animals were playing against little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped. --- _.._ .-" "-. / ,- -. \ : ' o o ` ; ; . , : : :-.__.-: ; \ :_: :_: / `-._ _.-' bug "" ...LMAO! Good ones! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Brenda :) _____ __-' _._`--. _/ . \-. \ / ' .' -\ ) |_. / .-. `. ') | _/ `-' `-.____) ( / .="". /"`= ) .- .< o)). ( o> ` (P `" | ' "' ) \)\/)) -. ) ' . ( _ ((\/(/ \)\\< /))\.\ `\ _/( ) | __/ )((\ >//(/ \ \\\_/_____,----. ._ `-' , /,----.__'__\_/// / \ ` `. \.__.-/ ,' / `-------------, \ `==-' / ,--------------' ' | \ - / | | /`-----'\- /`-----'\ ejm/a:f | / \ \ >Penny Grandpa tells of the time his six-year-old grandson found a penny and proudly showed it to his grandmother. "What's so great about finding a penny?" she asked. "You can't buy anything with it." "Yes you can," he said. "You can buy a dream in a wishing well." --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Brenda! ===================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ,--, |__ _ ___/ /\| :__|_|__/ __ ;( )__, ) /-\|__/-\_/ ; // '--; \'/ \'/ \ | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >Amish Elevator A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, 'Go get your Mother' --- ...LOL! Good one! Thanks Linda! -<>- T \`. T | T .--------------.___________) \ | T ! | |//////////////|___________[ ] ! T | ! `--------------' ) ( | ! mn '-' ! >[Politics] Maybe she can run in four years. "IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM." Wow, this girl has a great plan! Love the last thing she would do the best. This was written by a 21 yr old female who gets it. It's her future she's worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare big government state that she's being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion. PUT ME IN CHARGE... Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job. Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal legations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, or smoke, then get a job. Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your home will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place. In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the "common good." Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem. If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices. AND... while you are on government subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes, that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a government welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job. Now, if you have the guts - PASS IT ON... A big AMEN to this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --- ...Oh Yeah! There should be consequences for taking hard earned tax-payer money. Thanks Linda! ============================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] I think we are taxed enough - don't you? If you do click here... http://tinyurl.com/bpfmybz -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) WHERE THE NRA CAME FROM Something I didn't know -- the 'roots' of the NRA. I'll bet Obama and Holder didn't expect this! http://www.youtube.com/embed/9RABZq5IoaQ?feature=player_embedded --- ...Interesting! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From BizarreNews: What does spring break in Florida bring to mind? Drunk, sun burned college girls showing off their boobs? Drunk guys trying to jump into pools from fourth floor balconies and breaking their necks? How about a drunk, 21-year-old woman firing a handgun wildly inside her motel room? Police were dispatched to the Sun and Surf Motel after getting a report about a distraught and armed woman who had threatened suicide. It wasn't exactly suicide on her mind since the report says the incident started with an argument she had with her boy- friend over another woman. Doesn't it always? The woman, Heather D. Beaver of Sylvania, GA., and her boy- friend had been out drinking most of the day when the argument happened. After the couple returned to their hotel room, Beaver reportedly continued to argue with her boyfriend, who decided to call the cops. That is when Beaver began throwing bullets. Apparently she is not very familiar with how handguns work. Despite the minimum risk from the low-velocity bullets he wisely decided to leave the room. When police arrived things started to escalate. Beaver barricaded herself inside the room and started to fire off rounds, occasionally opening the door to scream and threaten suicide. Cops responded with four canisters of tear gas. Beaver then made the mistake of firing several more rounds in the direction of police. Finally, Beaver threw the gun down and gave up. She is now facing charges including Attempted Murder of Law Enforcement Officers. Spring break 2013. Good times, man, good times. --- ...less booze and they might have fun without the cops! Duh! *-- Man plans to meet all his Facebook friends --* BURLINGTON, Conn. - A Connecticut man said he raised $5,000 online to fund his trip to visit all 788 of his Facebook friends in person. Ty Morin said the aim of his "Friend Request: Accepted" project, which he is funding with donations received on Kickstarter.com, "is to reconnect with people. No more hiding behind the screen of social media," CNN reported Thursday. "Stop looking down at your phone and pretending you're texting your BFF when you walk by an old friend from high school. Let's get out there and remind people what it's like to have a face to face conversation with someone," Morin said on his Kickstarter page. Morin said he plans to take a picture of each person performing an activity they love. He said he will use a classic 8x10 folding camera to take pictures, which will take extra time. "The idea here isn't to get everyone in a room and fire off hundreds of pictures one after another. I want to sit down with everyone and witness what gets their blood pumping," he said. --- ...reminds me! Like me/Friend me here On FACEBOOK please! Please go here and cast a 'LIKE' vote for ShangralaFamilyFun.com http://tinyurl.com/cll4d2u Thank You And GOD BLESS YOU ALL WHO HAVE DONE SO And Who Do! I've been sharing wonderful images from our friends there too! *-- Man makes daily commute on unicycle --* ST. PAUL, Minn. - A Minnesota man said he makes his daily 18-mile commute year-round on an unusual vehicle -- a unicycle. Bob Clark, 51, said he travels to his office in downtown St. Paul every day on a unicycle, regardless of the weather, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported Monday. "It's not as hard as most people think it is," Clark said. "Anyone who can ride a bike can ride a unicycle, with a little practice. It's a mind-body thing that happens automatically." Clark said he owns four unicycles and averages about 10 mph in the winter and 12 mph in the summer. He said riding his unicycle in public gets him a lot of attention. "The comments are 99 percent positive," he said. "Lots of people stick their cellphones out the car window to take a picture." However, he does have to deal with the remaining 1 percent. "I had a firecracker thrown at me once," Clark said. "Most people," he said, "just ask where the other wheel is." *-- 2,160 pounds of rattlesnakes captured --* SWEETWATER, Texas - Participants in the annual, three-day Sweetwater Rattlesnake RoundUp in Texas caught more than a ton of snakes, organizers said. More than 30,000 people attended the event, they said, with visitors including people from as far away as China, Israel, Germany, England and Australia. The roundup paid $13-per-pound for captured rattlers, featured about 2,160 pounds of rattlesnakes being weighed, the most since the 2,168-pound total in 2010, the Abilene (Texas) Reporter-News reported Monday. "The import- ance of this is to control the snake population and to inform the public," Texas Game Warden George Pasley said. "You see all these snakes here and you think there can't be many left in the wild, but there's plenty. We see rattlesnakes all the time. I have seen no shortage of rattlesnakes." Kathleen and Darrell McIntyre of Childress won a $400 prize for capturing the longest snake. It measured 78 inches. *-- Pot hidden in shipment of bell peppers --* NOGALES, Ariz. - U.S. Customs and Border Protection said authorities arrested a 35-year-old Mexican man accused of hiding more than a ton of marijuana among bell peppers. Customs officials said the man's tractor trailer was pulled over for inspection Tuesday at the Nogales Commercial Facility after crossing the border into Arizona when a drug-sniffing dog detected the presence of contraband, KVOA-TV, Tucson, Ariz., reported Thursday. Investigators discovered 280 packages of marijuana, together weighing more than a ton, worth an estimated $1,068,000, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported. The drugs were hidden inside a shipment of bell peppers. The drugs and truck were seized and the suspect, whose name was not released, was turned over to the Immigration and Customs Enforcement's Homeland Security Investigations agents. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" >For the Kitty of the house... Kitty Cat Taco A Tex Mex treat for your adventurous cat. Ingredients: 18 oz. minced meat 1 cup potato, finely chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 tablespoons tomato paste 2 tablespoons corn oil 2 corn tortillas, cut up into small pieces 1 teaspoon bone meal 1 teaspoon Brewers' yeast 1 teaspoon salt 4 tablespoons Cheddar cheese, grated Directions: In a thick-bottomed frying pan brown minced meat. Add bell pepper, potato and garlic once the minced meat is halfway done. Continue to cook until the potatoes are transparent and meat is well browned. Lower heat and mix in tomato paste, oil, tortilla, bone meal, Brewers’ yeast and salt. Keep mixing until all ingredients are hot and cooked. Take off stove and allow to cool. Serve in your cat’s dish with Cheddar cheese sprinkled over the top. Cat House Tip: Immediately put any unused portions in an airtight container and either put in fridge or freezer to be used again at a later date. Cat Health Tip: Try adding 1 teaspoon of mineral oil to your cat's food at least once or twice a week especially when it’s shedding, as this can help alleviate hair balls and/or constipation! -<>- ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB >Healthy Dog Treats Prep Time: 30 Minutes Cook Time: 30 Minutes Ready In: 1 Hour Servings: 48 "Cut-out dog biscuits with rolled oats, cornmeal and cheddar cheese. You can change the flavor of these by substituting chicken bouillon for the beef." Ingredients: 1 cup rolled oats 1/3 cup margarine 1 cup boiling water 3/4 cup cornmeal 2 teaspoons white sugar 2 teaspoons beef bouillon granules 1/2 cup milk 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese 1 egg, beaten 3 cups whole wheat flour Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). In a large bowl, combine rolled oats, margarine, and boiling water. Let stand 10 minutes. Grease cookie sheets. 2. Thoroughly stir in cornmeal, sugar, bouillon, milk, Cheddar cheese, and egg. Mix in flour, 1 cup at a time, until a stiff dough has formed. 3. Knead dough on a lightly floured surface, mixing in additional flour as necessary until dough is smooth and no longer sticky. Roll or pat out dough to 1/2" thickness. Cut with cookie cutter (I prefer bone shaped), and place 1 inch apart onto the prepared cookie sheets. 4. Bake 35 to 45 minutes in the preheated oven, until golden brown. Cool before serving. Store in a loosely covered container. http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Everyday-Cooking/Pet-Food/Main.aspx Homemade Dog Food Prep Time: 5 Minutes Cook Time: 25 Minutes Ready In: 30 Minutes Servings: 5 "Whether you cook for your pooch once in a while or everyday, this recipe will be sure to make some tails wag. This turkey, rice, and vegetable dog food can be fed to the dogs on its own or mixed in with kibble." Ingredients: 6 cups water 1 pound ground turkey 2 cups brown rice 1 teaspoon dried rosemary 1/2 (16 ounce) package frozen broccoli, carrots and cauliflower combination Directions: 1. Place the water, ground turkey, rice, and rosemary into a large Dutch oven. Stir until the ground turkey is broken up and evenly distributed throughout the mixture; bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes. Add the frozen vegetables, and cook for an additional 5 minutes. Remove from heat and cool and serve. Refrigerate leftovers? NOTE: Cats are pure carnivores, and therefore require more protein than dogs. Cat foods should be at least half meat, eggs, or dairy products and half grains and vegetables. --- ...Great Pet Recipes and Tips! Thanks Bunni! =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _____|\ _.--| SSt |: <____|.----|| .---''---, ;..__..' _... ,'/ ;|/..--'' \ ,'_/.-/': : _..-'''/ / | \ \ _|/| \ /-./_ \; \ \,;' \ ,\ / \: `:\ \ // `:`. ,' \ /-._; | : : :: ,. . ,' :: /`-._| | | || ' : `.`.) _,' |;._:: | | | | `| : `' ,' `. / |`-:_ ; | | | : \ `--. ) /|-._: : | \ \ / / :_| ;`-._; __..--'; : : / ( ;|;-./_ _/.-:'o | / ' | / , \._/_/_./--''/_|:|___|_,' | : / `'-'--'----'---------' | | : O ._O O_. O ._O O_. ; ; : `. // // // // ,' / ~~~`.______//____//____//____//_______,'~ // //~ // // ~~ _// _// _// ~ _// ~ ~ / / / / / / / / ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ >Why A Ship Is Called "SHE" A ship is called "she" because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about', she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. -- Jeanne -<>- A customer walked into our insurance office looking for a quote. But first I had to lead her through a litany of questions, including: "Marital status?" "Well," she began, "I guess you could say we're happy-as happy as most other couples nowadays." -<>- The New Year's Eve party had turned into a marathon with numerous guests coming and going. At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily though no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement. He sat there happily for about an hour before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway. My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved." -<>- After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "Father, what's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home." -<>- Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a while... it isn't so hot. -<>- I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen." -<>- If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is--- it's you. -<>- According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. -<>- A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." -<>- Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she asked. "It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It's for holding up stockings." "Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use it next Christmas Eve." -<>- "Hello Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop. My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks. "I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked. "Yeah, you was my English teacher." Leaning over, my husband whispered, "Good job, Honey, good job." -<>- y Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does." -<>- Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance. One question asked, "Do you think you may need to go to the emergency room within the next three months?" -<>- During rehearsal, the high school Music Director was beside himself. The cymbal player in the band was constantly coming in at the wrong time with his cymbal clash. The young man maintained that his entry point gave a much better effect and that he wouldn't play it as written. When the Music Director was asked by the Principal why he kicked the young musician out of the band, he replied, "It was a simple case of cymbal disobedience." ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] Summer Could Bring Gas Shortages - USA Summer Could Bring Gas Shortages 9:12 am PST, 5 March 2004 The U.S. Department of Energy says it is "concerned" gas shortages could plague the nation during the upcoming summer months, when driving is heavier due to vacations and other outings. The agency also repeated its earlier concerns about higher gas prices on Thursday, but so far no answers for either dilemma have been forthcoming, USA Today reported. "This administration is extremely concerned" about the near-record gas prices, Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham said. In separate news, the head of the Energy Information Administration, Guy Caruso, told a Senate panel that "many signs are pointing to a tight gasoline market this driving season," repeating the caution about possible shortages from a recent EIA analysis. The average price nationwide for a gallon of regular unleaded gasoline is $1.709. The record was $1.737 Aug. 30 of last year [2003], according to motorist's club AAA. --- ...Oh yes, that was the BUSH Years we have it all to blame on. -<>- A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange..." "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied. "Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "I see." "That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl." "Uh-huh" "That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!" The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ (Ready for this?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ (I'm warning you.....) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~ (Still not too late.....delete now!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ "You're simply going through the change." -<>- .--------.--------------------------------------------------. | ` __)__________________________________________ | | ) |.-------------------------------------------.| | |,`._,-|| o || | | || ___ __ _ __ _ __ ____ __ _ || | | || (( `| || |\ /|| ,'-`| || |'||`| \\ / ||,'`. | | || .`. || |\\/ || (( || || || || `'| | || |._)) || | ` || `._,| || || || ||`--'`-| |,. || __________________ __________________ || | | \`._,|| | START NEW CITY | | LOAD A CITY | || _,-| |.__`\_|| '------------------' '------------------' ||,-' ,'| |::::::|| __________________ || ,' ;| |::::::|| | SELECT SCENARIO | ||-._,._| |:::::_|| '------------------' ||::::::| |:,-'' ||_____________________o_____________________||::::::| | ,`-------,----------.-------.------------------'::::::| | , ,':::::::::::| |::::::::::::::::::::::SSt| '-'---------'-------------'-------'-------------------------' The Truth About Version Numbers How should a software revision level be interpreted? Here's a quick guide for anyone short of a clue: 0.1 - We've got a really great way to do things. 0.9 - We think it works, but we won't bet our lives on it. 1.0 - Management is on the case; seems like a low risk. 1.01 - Okay, we knew about that; all known bugs are fixed. 1.02 - We've fixed bugs you wouldn't see in 27,000 years, i.e. more than three times the age of the universe. 1.03 - Fixes bugs in the bug fixes. 1.04 - All right, this really does fix all known bugs. 1.05 - Fixes the bugs introduced in revision 1.04. 1.1 - A new crew has been hired to write the documentation. 1.2 - Somebody has actually changed a functional feature. 2.0 - Another new crew has been hired to write software. The old crew is blamed for all previous bugs. 2.01 - The new crew has sent out their resumes to placement agencies. Go back ten squares and return to version 0.1 -<>- __,...__ _,-'::::::::`-. ,'::,----._::::::`. ,'::,' /\,-. \:::::::`. /::::| ; | |:::::::::`. |:::::`._ \ |:::::::::::\ __\,:--''--`_--':::::::::::::\ `'--::__:::::::`-:_:::::::::::::\ /--.`'--:_:::::`-::::::::::::\ /,-_.' _`-:_::::`:::::::::::\ / /o\| ,-_`-.`--:::`::::::::::) || \_/| / /o\\ `:,'''-:' (#__`-_/ | \_/| /##| ,-.\ ,'' `-. `.__/ ,'###| / || / \ , (##### / || | |___,-##\ /##/ \__,'/ \ /########) |#,'|__..-' `-..__..-'######) / \`.###'`""' / \\\__// ,' \`--' _,-' jrei `-..___..--'' DAFFYNITIONS Catamount: The number of kitties the mama gave birth to (Cynthia MacGregor) Determination: Talking the boss out of firing you. (Ken Pinkham) Daze: The period from dawn to dusk (Stan Kegel) Waterborne: How whales are delivered. (Douglas Ditch) Hexagone: Curse from an Italian has been removed. (Brandy Brandon) Intense: Where Indians lived (Rosalie Moscovitch) Hot flash: A late-breaking news story. (Richard Lederer) Colonnade: A laxative (Cynthia MacGregor) AAAAA: An organization for people who are driven to drink. (Lawrence) Isolate: What the rabbit said in Alice in Wonderland (Stan Kegel) Innuendo: Where you keep the candle burning when you're expecting someone. (Gary Hallock) Independence: Incontinent kinfolk. (Ken Pinkham) Ecstatic: A female chromosome that's going nowhere. (Gary Hallock) Quartz: Two pintz (Stan Kegel) Florescent: Shinny penny on the ground. (Tim Bruening) Docent: A buck attractor (Brandy Brandon) Bonaparte: One piece separated from the rest of the skeleton (Rosalie Moscovitch) Inspire: One who spies on motels and resorts (Douglas Drill) Zebra - What cup size Dolly Parton wear to hold 'em (Ken Pinkham) Lambent: A specialist doctor for the ears, noses etc. of young sheep. (Gunjan Saraf) Literate: To have eaten trash or garbage (Stan Kegel) Grocer: A knight that's getting taller. (Tim Bruening) Armenian: I am trying to tell you (Cynthia MacGregor) Prorate: What call girls charge you. (Douglas Drill) Zinc - What Germans have in ze kitchen (Ken Pinkham) Lucidity: A comical song performed by Ms. Ball. (Gary Hallock) Escalator: What you do if she’s too busy to answer you now. (Rosalie Moscovitch) Yale: What a southern cheerleader does at a football game (Stan Kegel) Submission: Where fish go to church. (Tim Bruening) Harbor: One who plays the instrument associated with the angels. (Cynthia MacGregor) -<>- TOM SWIFTIES "1 plan to work in a cemetery," Tom plotted gravely. (Richard Lederer) "This plane is about to crash!" Tom sobbed uncontrollably. (Paul Dickson) “I’m just about through taking your blood sample for testing,” Tom said in vain. (Stan Kegel) "Raise the pitch one half-note," Tom said sharply. (Jason Dias) “I became rich through oil,” Tom boasted crudely. ( Paul Dickson) "I'll tell you who stole the money," Tom sang. (Jason Dias) “This exam is the toughest of the year,” he attested. (Paul Dickson) "It reads the same forwards as backwards," said a pallid Rome. (Jason Dias) “I’m glad I got my headlight fixed,” Tom beamed. (Paul Dickson) "Please God, let me catch a rabbit today," preyed the cat. (Jason Dias) “This isn’t real turtle soup,” said Tom mockingly (Richard Lederer) -<>- _____ _..--'' ``--.._ | | | | | | | | | .-. | | .'\ | | /`, | | `.\ : ; /,' | | ___`' v `'___ | | .' `. .' `. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | `.___,',^.`.___,' | | / \ | | `---' | | _____________ | | / | | | \ | | :-|----|----|-: | | \_|____|____|_/ | | | `-..._ _...-' `-------' SSt Qué es esto? QUOTES AND BLOOPERS A billion here, a couple of billion there - first thing you know it adds up to be real money. (Senator Everett Dirksen) On the appearance of Clayton Moore at a Blue Jays home game - “It's not very often you get to see the Lone Ranger and Toronto in the same night." (Bobby Bragan) At the slightest prevarication he flies off the handle. (Syman Hirsch) Yes, Mr. Tyson. It's not uncommon for prize fighters to suffer this sort of injury. It seems your manager has run off with your money leaving you with a bankruptured spleen. (Gary Hallock) Manchester (NH) Daily Times: "The Lewis County Board of Legislatures have authorized the creation of a petty cash fund for the weekly purchase of dry ice used for incest control" (Claudette Knieriem/ Dave Barry) -<>- ,o-o, //^<\ ( |a -| ) ) ) \ e / ( ( (( _) (__ )) ) /|__ _|\ ( o==Vn__/( Y )\___n7==o q\\-- )____( ---//p | . L /=[ ]=\ (// \\, \ l l| L|__Y__|/ |===|==| jjs \ | | SIGNS ADS AND HEADLINES Harrison (PA) Patriot News : "Smoking organ causes stir at nursing home." (Dolores Evans/Dave Barry) Archaeologist digs up dirt on his wife (Stephan Kramer) Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (Funny Pics) Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men. (The Sunday Oregonian) Death row inmate released from prison after finding an escape clause in his sentence (Stephen Kramer) Dentist attempts off-shore drilling (Stephen Kramer) Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere else again. (Doug Helsel) Cabinet maker killed in counter offensive (Stephen Kramer) -<>- *** *** ***....** **...*** **........** **.......** *** **..........*.........** *** **.....** **..................** **.....** **.........** **..............** **.........** *..............* *..........* *..............* **..............* *......* *..............** **..............** *....* **..............** *......................................* **..............**........**..............** **..............* *....*....*..............** *..............* *........* ...*..............* **.........** *............* ...**.........** **.....** **...............**....**.....** *** **...................**...* *** **...........*...........**...* **.........* *.........** *...*..*..*..* *......** **......* *........* ** * * ** *...* * _ _ _____ ____ ____ _ _ ( ) ( ) ( _ ) ( _ \ ( _ \ ( ) ( ) | |_| | | (_) | | |_) )| |_) ) \ \_/ / | _ | | _ | | ,__/ | __/ \ / | | | | | | | | | | | | | | (_) (_) (_) (_) (_) (_) (_) ____ _____ ____ _____ _____ ____ _ ___ _ _ _ ____ ( _ \(_ _) ( _ \ ( _ )(_ _)( _ \ ( ) / _ \ ( ) ( )( )( _ \ | (_(_) | | | |_) )| (_) | | | | (_) )| || ( (_)| |/ / |/ | (_(_) _\__ \ | | | __/ | _ | | | | / | || | _ | , < ' _\__ \ ( )__) | | | _ | | | | | | | | | |\ \ | || (_( )| |\ \ ( )__) | \_____) (_)(_) (_) (_) (_) (_) (_) (_)(_) \___/ (_) (_) \_____) ____ _____ _ _ __ ( _ \ ( _ )( ) ( ) ( ) | | \ \ | (_) | \ \_/ / | / | | ) )| _ | \ / |/ | |_/ / | | | | | | _ (____/ (_) (_) (_) (_) St. Patrick's Day Wish for You http://www.alighthouse.com/stpatty12.htm St. Patrick's Day Wish May you Live http://www.alighthouse.com/stpatty14.htm May you Live May you Always http://www.alighthouse.com/stpatty15.htm May you Always Thinking Of You http://www.alighthouse.com/stpatty3.htm Thinking Of You Thank You Lord For Ireland http://www.alighthouse.com/stpatty5.htm Thank You Lord Saint Patrick's Day http://www.alighthouse.com/stpatty.htm Saint Patrick's Day God's Blessings To everyone. Misty -<>- _____________ ( ) | | ( ) %%%%%%% |____-----____| ( ) %%%% %%%% | \___/ | ( ) %%%% %%%% _______________________ ( ) %%% %% %%% \\ // ( ) %% %% (o)(o) %% \\__~~~_______~~~__// ( ) %% ____ %% / \ %% |\ |(0) (0)| /| ( ) % / __ \ %% / \ .. ) % |\ \| (. .) |/ /| ___ %% / / \ \ %% /\__/ %% \ ||| , ||| / [ ] % ( \ \ \/%% / % |||| \_______/=============| | %% \ \__ \/ %% __ %% ||||| --- ||||| \_/ % \ \/ /%% /__\ % ||||| ||||| ||||| %% \__ ' /\ %%// \> %% ||||||||||||||||| %% \ /\ \_%% %% ||||||||||||| %%% \_/ \__/%% %%% ||||||||| %%%% %%%% ||||| %%%% %%%% %%%%%%% Mike Jittlov >Riddles and Puns for the 6 to 14 year olds HOLIDAY PUNS – SAINT PATRICK'S DAY What's an Irishman who keeps bouncing off walls called? Rick O'Shea (Jokes2U) What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A Sham Rock (Candy Silver) When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? When its a French fry. (Candy Silver) What did one Irish ghost say to the other? Top o' the moaning!" (Tiger) How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? He's Dublin over with laughter! (Candy Silver) Do leprechauns get angry when you make fun of their height? Yeah, but only a little! (Kegel Archives) What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? A Jolly Green Giant (Candy Silver) Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Sure now, but them regular rocks be way to heavy, don't you know. (Cascade Express) What do you say to a leprechaun? How's the weather down there. (Emily and Aaron) Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? Because they're very short-tempered! (Kegel Archives) "Daddy, What did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland in?" "I give up." "A Dodge Viper!" "Now how could he afford one of those on his salary?" (Adam: Brian Bassett) Have you heard about the Irish boomerang? It doesn't come back, it just sings songs about how much it wants to. (Daily Groaner) 'I couldn't believe Dublin, great city, but every Tom, Dick and Harry is called Pat!!' (Sean) -<>- >HOLIDAY PUNS * THE IDES OF MARCH The Roamin' Senate spent a long time debating whether tax day, the day they all should beware, was to be on the fourteenth or the fifteenth of March. Finally, they took a vote, and the forgone conclusion was: The Ides have it. (Alan B. Combs) Caesar sends Brutus to bring him 12 apples. Brutus returns with the apples and Caesar counts them but finds only 10 apples. He turns to Brutus and angrily says: "Et two, Brutus?" (Kegel Archives) Caesar had just become the emperor. Mark Antony comes into the throne room and shouts, "Hail! Hail! Hail! Oh mighty Caesar!" Julius jumps up from his throne and angrily shouts, "How dare you hail while I am reigning!" (Kegel Archives) -<>- >JEST FOR KIDS – THE RIDDLES Why did the projector blush? It saw the filmstrip. (Bill Brabant) How does a dog stop a VCR? He presses the paws button. (Linda, 6) What did the dryer say to the washer? Let's go for a spin (William Brabant) Why did the sheriff arrest the coat hangers For holding up the clothes (Zachary, 9) What is it called when two cellular phones run into each other? A close call (Armani, 8) Why won't people ever go to the moon for their vacation? Because it lacks atmosphere. (William Brabant) What do you get when you cross a vampire and a teacher? A lot of blood tests (Chantelle, 11) What do you call an X that just got out of the bathtub? A clean X (Haseb, 8) Did you hear about the snake that caught a cold? It adder viper nose. (Lederer & Ertner) What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad. (Carol Silver) What horses keep late hours? Nightmares. (Joseph Rosenbloom) Why shouldn't you tell pigs secrets? Because they are squealers (Amy, 7) Where's the English Channel? I don't know, our television doesn't pick it up. (Doug Helsel) What is a marching band's favorite month March (Diana, 11) What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer. (Carol Silver) What does Brazil produce that no other country produces? Brazilians. (Joseph Rosenbloom) Why do mummies like the holidays? Because of all the wrapping (Kristen, 9) What has two hands but no arms? A clock. (Joseph Rosenbloom) What keys do not open doors? Monkeys (Pete, 11) Where do sheep get their hair cut? At the baa-baa shop (Kelly, 8) What sound does a 24-karat phone make? It has a gold ring (Sarah, 9) Why did the boy say moo? Because he was a cow boy (Morgan, 13) What type of phones do imposters use? Phoneys (Betty Debnam) What surgery do dolls get? Plastic surgery (Harry, 9) What is the difference between a pursued deer and a midget witch? One is a hunted stag, the other a stunted hag. (Richard Lederer) What did the shark say when he bumped into the whale? I didn't do it on porpoise (Betty Debnam) What kind of cattle laugh? Laughing stock. (Joseph Rosenbloom) What do you call a sick crocodile? An illigator. (Lederer & Ertner) What is the difference between a jumping sorcerer and a crying reptile? One is a leaping wizard, the other a weeping lizard. (Richard Lederer) Where should you never take a dog? To the flea market. (Jo, 8) What has 6 eyes but can't see? 3 blind mice. (Carol Silver) What has a head and a tail but no body? A coin (Liz, 11) Did you hear about the amoeba state prison? It's so small that it has only one cell. (Lederer & Ertner) What is the difference between a church bell and a crooked politician? One peals from the steeple, the other steals from the people. (Richard Lederer) "What's the difference between a dog and a painter? One sheds his coat and the other coats his shed. (Lannie, 11) What is the difference between a church bell and a crooked politician? One peals from the steeple, the other steals from the people. (Richard Lederer) What do you call a large, angry seabird? An alba-cross. (Lederer & Ertner) Why did the skeleton get a tattoo? Because he was bad to the bone. (Shane, 10) How did the ghost cross the street? Very scarefully! (Candy, 14) Two robins lying in the sun. A cat eats them. What does the cat say? "I love Baskin-Robbins" (Scarlet, 8) Did you hear about the alligators that joined the FBI? They were investigators. (Lederer & Ertner) ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Celebrities: The Long And Short Of It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities2.html Mountain Goats! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/mountaingoats.html Friends! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/friends.html Proud Of Troops 6! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/troops6.html Celebrities Then And Now! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/celebrities.html City Silhouettes! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/citys.html Advice For Living! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/advice.html Friends And Health! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/friendhealth.html Designer Toilet Paper! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/designertp.html Doug Landis Mouth Art! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/mouthart.html Windows Though Time! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/windowstime.html Humor In Religion 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Weddings can be difficult for fathers. Who wants to give away their little girl? That's why the traditional father-daughter dance is so touching. But this father and daughter decided to have fun with it. You won't believe what they came up with. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tcVXCeWk0PE --- ...awww, like father like daughter - sweet! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) First European To Win The Ultimate Elvis Impersonator... Ben Portsmouth and his band, Taking Care of Elvis, present an amazing tribute to the King of Rock and Roll, with his looks, style and fantastic voice which will set hearts racing and feet taping. In the blink of your eyes you’ll be taken back to what it was like to see, hear and experience the young and sexy Elvis when he first burst on to the U.S. music scene in 1954 right through to 1977. Ben Portsmouth’s stunning outfits, all U.S. custom made, span the black leathers of Presley’s comeback in 1968 to the white jumpsuits of the later Las Vegas shows, all costumes are exact copies of the originals. Not only is Ben Portsmouth a natural showman but he is also an extremely talented professional singer/songwriter, a dedicated musician who sincerely goes that bit extra in all his performances, in doing so he leaves his audience craving more! In 2006 Ben Portsmouth was awarded the title of Best Festival Elvis at the annual Porthcawl Elvis convention in Wales which is the biggest of its kind in Europe . He took the audience of assembled Elvis devotees by storm with his remarkable voice and stage presence. In 2007 he was awarded the Gold Lame (Jacket) Award for his 50’s set and in 2008 he was voted best ’68 Comeback Special. And now he has won the "The World's Ultimate Elvis Presley Impersonator" Click here and turn up the volume.... http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=G8fjHJbF9Es --- ...Ooo Baby! Love his voice and outfit! Thanks Linda! Check him out more on youtube... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTf_17qsOp0 ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I think vests are all about protection. The life vest pro- tects you from drowning, and the bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot and the sweater vest protects you from pretty girls." -Demetri Martin "I went to the doctor and all he did was suck blood from my neck. Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!" -Mitch Hedberg "Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, un- married with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison." -Tim Allen "This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it." --Ralph Waldo Emerson "We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." --Aesop >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************