Blondes, Quotes, Bumper Stickers And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth." The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised." -<>- .-"""""""-. .'""."".""`. / \ * / \ / ^ \ /^ \ { ((@)\*/((@) }.{ ~Q '\ / Q ~}} ( `.~~ .V. ~~.'}.`._.' V`._.' ) ( ( `-') `-' } ~~ ~~ ) ( ( ) ^ ^ 0 " " " ( ( ) ( ) ^^ 00 " ( .) ( ( ) ^ 00 " ( ( ) ) { ) ^^ .0'0 " " ( } { } ^ )) 0 ( } `--www--' "--mmm------ " mb Blonde Sally was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large birdcage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had never seen Sally looking so sad. Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?" The blonde replied, "Because I just can't get a man." Liz said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." "Don't be so silly, Sally said, "I know that. I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." "So, how's that gonna help you get a man?" asked Liz. Sally said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters." -<>- >Engineering Phrases (And what they really mean) Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.) Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've messed up again.) The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that it's completely hopeless.) We're trying a number of different approaches. (We're still guessing, at this point.) Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.) Years of development. (It finally worked.) Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.) We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who understood the thing just quit.) We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but it looks high tech.) We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a couple of kids out of college.) Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up when we flipped the switch.) Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yea! It actually worked.) Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.) No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.) Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're not likely able to fix it.) All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.) Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.) Robust. (More than rugged.) Light weight. (A little less than rugged.) Fax it to me. (I'm not writing all THAT down.) ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 16 is Fresh Spinach Day, Global Hug Your Kids Day and World Snake Day July 17 is Peach Ice Cream Day, World Emoji Day and Yellow Pig Day July 18 is National Caviar Day and National Hot Dog Day July 19 is National Daiquiri Day and National Raspberry Cake Day July 20 is National Ice Cream Soda Day, National Lollipop Day, Moon Day and Ugly Truck Day- it's a "guy" thing July 21 is National Junk Food Day July 22 Hammock Day, Parent's Day and Ratcatcher's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` >Pickle My cousin was preparing food for a family gathering. Her three-year-old watched intently as her mother stabbed repeatedly at a large pickle in a jar before she managed to spear it. As she added it to the relish tray, she asked, "Is it dead yet, Mommy?" -<>- >Colorful Meal Over dinner, I explained the health benefits of a colorful meal to my family. "The more colors, the more variety of nutrients," I told them. Pointing to our food, I asked, "How many different colors do you see?" "Six," volunteered my daughter. "Seven if you count the burned parts." -<>- >Picture Frame My daughter loved the picture frame her five-year-old son bought her for her birthday. She found a photograph of him and replaced the cat photo that came with it. Later he became upset: "Why are you putting a picture of me in there when I bought you a picture of a cat?" -<>- >What Did You Ask Me? One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce." -<>- >Stop Sign Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop sign. I was pulled over by a police officer who recognized me as his former English teacher. "Mrs. Brown," he said, "those stop signs are periods, not commas." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland >SMILES Recently, I was on a plane that had taken off and was approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came on the public address system. She announced that she was sorry, but the plane's restroom was out of order. The flight attendant went on to apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she finished cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served." ---------- Golda says to her daughter, "Ever since I reached 65, I've been feeling that my body had gotten totally out of shape. So I made a big decision - I went to my doctor and got his OK to start doing some exercise. And yesterday I went to LA Fitness and booked into their aerobics class for seniors." "That's great mom, so how did it go?" asks her daughter. "Well, for thirty minutes I sweated by bending, twisting, pulling, pushing and hopping up and down. But then, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over." ---------- College student: "Hey, Dad -- I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father: "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!" -------- A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the problem is. "My life is awful," the man says. "Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me." "Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?" the bartender asks. "I love the game," the man says. "I'm a genius. I never lose." The bartender is confused. "I thought you just said your wife beats you." "Yeah," the man says, "she's a sore loser." ---------- As a kid I used to have a lemonade stand. The sign said, "All you can drink for a dime." So some kid would come up, plunk down his dime, drink a glass, and say, "Refill it." I'd say, "That'll be another dime." "How come? Your sign says -- All you can drink for a dime!" "Well, you had a glass didn't you?" "Yeah." "That's all you can drink for a dime." ---------- My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all alike, right down to the baby. She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added, looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us. ---------- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >POINTS TO PONDER 1. Now that food has replaced love in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" 4. I don't do drugs anymore. I get the same effect just standing up fast. 5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." 6. I have my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here. 7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. 8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. 10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dummy's. 11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. 13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. 14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? 15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? 16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? 17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. 18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" ------- >THE PERKS OF GETTING OLD Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. You can live without sex but not without glasses. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You sing along with elevator music. Your eyes won't get much worse. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. ------- A blonde took her dog to the vet for its annual check-up. "Your dog is overweight," the vet said. "You should cut back on his food a little and make sure he gets some exercise. Try playing fetch with him." "That's impossible," the blonde replied. "I can't play fetch with my dog." "Why not?" asked the puzzled vet. "Because," the blonde said, "he can't throw." ---------- A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack lasted only 6 hours!" ---------- I began thinking about my own mortality after I became a widow. One day my daughter called home from college, and I announced to her, "I think it's time for us to talk about where I would like to be buried." "It's way too soon to even think of anything like that," she snapped indignantly. Then there was a brief silence. "Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?" When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure." ---------- A drunken man who smelled of beer sat down in a subway train, next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be”, Then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friends Cloie And LouiseAu: ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | >Political Quotes . . . 1. *Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain 2. *We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill 3. *A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw 4. *A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy 5. *Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994) 6. *Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey, Classmate of W. J. Clinton at Georgetown Uni. (1992) 7. *Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian 8. *Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850) 9. *Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986) 10. *I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --Will Rogers 11 *If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke 12. *If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist. -- Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one time (1995) 13. *In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764) 14. *Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.) 15. *No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866) 16. *Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it. -- (Meandyou) 17. *The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan 18. *The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill 19. *The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain 20. *The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903) 21. *There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress. -- Mark Twain --- ...LOL! These are pretty right on! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ()___ ()//__/)_________________() ||(___)//#/_/#/_/#/_/#()/|| ||----|#| |#|_|#|_|#|_|| || ||____|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|#||/|| jgs || |#|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|| >Bedding Your cozy bed is a major dust distributor. The bedding collects skin flakes, sheds its own fibers and sends out a puff of dust every time you roll over. To minimize the fallout, wash sheets and pillowcases weekly. Items that aren't machine washable don't need weekly trips to the dry cleaners just take blankets and bedspreads outside and shake them. You can spank some of the dust out of pillows, but for a thorough cleaning, wash or dry-clean them. When you change bedding, don't whip up a dust storm. Gently roll up the old sheets and spread out the new ones; even clean bedding sheds fibers. Do you make your bed every morning? You should be... There's a reason the Marines start the day with this simple task - also known as "wake and make." According to retired Admiral William H. McRaven, author of "Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life - and Maybe the World," "It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed." ---- Olive oil is a healthy fat which contains essential fatty acids that help skin resist UV damage. These fatty acids are also part of the cell membranes that keep in all that moisture your body loses through heat and sweat during the summer. In order to protect your skin and keep it supple, consume about 1 tablespoon of olive oil daily or add it to a healthy salad or fish dish in order to get all those essential fatty acids. ---- To freshen up the exterior of your home, don't spend a fortune at the local nursery. Instead ask family and friends for trimmings of their plants. Many perennial plants and bulbs can easily be divided and shared. Transplant the ones you like best into your own yard. ---- Use cold water whenever possible. This uses up a lot less energy, which will cut back on your costs, and it will help to preserve the colors in your clothing. Warm water causes colors to bleed, whereas cold water minimizes this impact. Additionally, cold water is much gentler to delicate fabrics. You can make your clothes last years longer this way. ---- There might be worse things than spending the time to make a full-blown meatloaf only to discover that it doesn't have enough salt in it, but I can't think of any off hand. Here's the trick: when making meatloaf, sausage, or meatballs, take a small chunk of your mixture and fry it in a skillet (or even faster, microwave it for 10 to 15 seconds) and taste. Adjust seasoning levels in the mixture accordingly. --- ...My mom would taste it - raw! I found that horrible and appalling so I decided to smell it - if it smells right, it IS right! Normally the crackers I add to the meatloaf makes it perfectly salted! Recipe here - Easy-Does-It Recipes: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Major Food Product Recall Due to Salmonella The CDC has been warning consumers of potential salmonella outbreak with Honey Smacks cereal. The Washington Examiner reports: https://tinyurl.com/yb7v932k Parasite Outbreak Linked to McDonald's Salads, at Least 61 People in 7 States http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=12626&z=58 Justice with Judge Jeanine 7/14/18 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohQrecPGye8 Classy Melania Bowls Over British Veterans in Wonderful Moment: According to the U.K. Evening Standard, the first lady made a detour Friday to Royal Hospital Chelsea, a retirement home for members of the British army. https://tinyurl.com/yac82w6d Trump Isn’t Attacking NATO. He’s Strengthening It. - The Washington Post “If allies don’t invest in real, usable military capabilities, NATO will become irrelevant,” American Enterprise Institute Fellow Marc Thiessen explains. “NATO needs some tough love, and Trump is delivering it. Thanks to him, the alliance will be stronger as a result.” https://tinyurl.com/y9h9ffa8 NATO Chief Thanks Trump for Pushing Allies to Boost Defense Spending - The Daily Caller https://tinyurl.com/ydcvkf3l President Trump: Wouldn't Have Allowed Russian Invasion - President Trump had direct words for Obama’s handling of the Russian invasion of Ukraine. https://tinyurl.com/yafs4wvr Trump SHUTTING DOWN Union Disability Scam - Making things right https://tinyurl.com/y8p6rpqu Politico: “Voters Oppose Abolishing ICE” - Politico https://tinyurl.com/yde7kdtj Arizona Governor Doug Ducey: Calls to Abolish ICE are Wrong and Reckless - USA Today https://tinyurl.com/yarv89q4 In MarketWatch, Jeffry Bartash reports that “initial jobless claims, a tracker of sorts for layoffs in the U.S., sank in the first week of July toward the lowest levels in almost 50 years,” according to the Department of Labor. Bartash explains that the unusually low number of layoffs reflects the healthiest U.S. jobs market in decades. https://tinyurl.com/yav54clx NeverTrumper EXPOSED For Trump Conspiracy Theory https://tinyurl.com/ybxkw668 “THANK YOU!” From Students for Life’s 2018-2019 Fellows! https://prolifeamerica.org/fellows-thank-you-video/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: You've got to give this guy a hand. A man in Florida was arrested after he managed to stab another person despite the fact that he does not have arms. According to police, the man without arms has been accused of stabbing a tourist from Chicago, Illinois. Miami Beach police said that 46-year-old Jonathan Crenshaw held a pair of scissors with his feet and stabbed Cesar Coronado, 22, just after midnight. Crenshaw, who is homeless, is known for painting on canvases in South Beach. According to the arrest report, Crenshaw said that he was lying down when Coronado approached him and punched him in the head. Crenshaw said he reacted by stabbing Coronado. After stabbing the tourist twice, the suspect fled. A friend who was traveling with Coronado disputed the suspect's account of the events. The friend said they asked Crenshaw for directions when he suddenly jumped and stabbed Coronado in his arm. The victim was taken to a hospital. Crenshaw has been charged with aggravated battery. -<>- It takes a lot of guts, not to mention a lot of dementia, to carry an axe into a convenience store and start swinging at people's heads. It takes even more guts to plead "not guilty" when there is surveillance video of you carrying out the attacks. But that is exactly what this young woman did at a trial in Sydney, Australia. The incident happened last year, early in the morning at a 7-Eleven in a suburb of Sydney. An outside camera shows 26-year-old Evie Amati strolling across the parking lot carrying the axe. An interior camera shows her wandering the aisles while a man and woman shop. At the register the video even shows the man, Ben Rimmer, talking to Amati and gesturing to the axe. You can't hear what is said, but you can imagine it going something like, "What the hell's with the axe?" Mr. Rimmer then does something beyond understanding; he turns his back on a strange woman carrying an axe in a convenience store at 2 in the morning. Ms. Amati doesn't waste the opportunity and winds up for a vicious swing which catches Rimmer across the side of his face sending him crashing to the floor. She then turns on the woman, Sharon Hacker, who is halfway out of the door, and hits her from behind. Hacker also falls to the ground and Amati takes another swing at her before walking calmly out of the store. While there is no video of it, a third man narrowly avoided getting hit by Amati on the street outside by using his backpack as a shield. Rimmer was left with a laceration across his face and a fractured nose and cheek. Hacker suffered a fractured skull. Amati has pleaded not guilty to six charges, including two of wounding or causing grievous bodily harm with intent to murder, with her barrister arguing she was experiencing a mental illness at the time. Yeah, that'll probably work. You can look the video up for yourself. It's pretty brutal. *------------ Stab-Proof Vest Isn't ------------* A young British man was stabbed to death after mistakenly believing that the jacket he was wearing was "stab proof." 22-year-old Jordan Easton was sitting in the kitchen of a friend's house when he decided to try out his protective vest. Easton grabbed a knife and plunged it into the vest. Sadly, he realized that the vest did not live up to its promise, Assistant Medical Examiner Karin Welsh said recently during a court hearing. Easton was quickly taken to the hospital, where he died from a single stab wound to the chest. The injuries were determined to be self- inflicted, but there was no evidence that Easton intentionally tried to hurt himself. Friends described Easton, who had turned 22-year-old five days before he died, as a man with a "heart of gold." Easton's death was ruled as a "misadventure" meaning that he did not have the intention to cause his own death. *------- Man Takes Golf Cart on Highway -------* Traffic cameras on an Arizona highway were rolling when a man drove a golf cart with no headlights onto the interstate before sunrise. Arizona Department of Transportation traffic cameras show the slow-moving vehicle traveling on Interstate 10 near Wild Horse Pass in Chandler at about 4 a.m. The footage shows a vehicle start to escort the cart by driving behind it with its emergency blinkers flashing. The Arizona Department of Public Safety said the driver, an 83-year-old man, was stopped by troopers and did not show any signs of impairment. The man and his golf cart were picked up by his wife. Police did not say whether he will face any citations. *----------- The Underpants Bandit ------------* A Texas police department is asking for the public's help to identify a burglary suspect who used a pair of underpants to disguise his face. The Leander Police Department posted a video to Facebook showing a suspect who appears to be a young man climbing into Enchanted Rock and Landscape Supplies through a window. The man is clearly visible to the security camera, but a pair of underwear on his head conceals most of his face. The post asked anyone who recognizes the underpants bandit to contact police. *--------------- Drunk Seagulls ----------------* Animal rescuers in Britain said they have noted an uptick in calls to rescue "drunk" seagulls that apparently got into brewery waste. RSPCA officers Jo Daniel, Clara Scully and Paul Adams said they have responded to more than a dozen calls in recent weeks about gulls exhibiting the same intoxication symptoms. "We have had a number of these come through over the last couple of weeks," Daniel said. "We think they're gaining access to some brewing waste products somewhere. At first, the birds look like they have botulism but then, after vomiting, most seem to recover," she said. "The birds absolutely stink of alcohol when we collect them so now our vans smell like pubs!" RSPCA veterinarian David Couper said, "The birds appear disoriented and confused and struggle to stand. We took some video of one of the birds who is staggering around and losing his balance just like a person would if they'd had too much to drink." The RSPCA is urging breweries and other alcohol producers to make sure their waste isn't being left where wild animals can get to it. "These birds were clearly wearing their beer gog-gulls when they scavenged their meal for the day and they've really been suffering with hangovers after a gulls' night out," Scully said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) {} {} ! ! II II ! ! ! I__I__II II__I__I ! I_/|--|--|| ||--|--|\_I .-'"'-. ! /|_/| | || || | |\_|\ ! .-'"'-. /=== \ I//| | | || || | | |\\I /=== \ \== / ! /|/ | | | || || | | | \|\ ! \== / \__ _/ I//| | | | || || | | | |\\I \__ _/ _} {_ ! /|/ | | | | || || | | | | \|\ ! _} {_ {_____} I//| | | | | || || | | | | |\\I {_____} ! ! |= |=/|/ | | | | | || || | | | | | \|\=|- | ! ! _I__I__|= ||/| | | | | | || || | | | | | |\|| |__I__I_ -|--|--|- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= |--|--|- _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|| ||__|__|__|__|__|__|_||- |__|__|_ -|--|--| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|| ||--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| |--|--|- | | |= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||- | | | _|__|__| || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= |__|__|_ -|--|--|= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || |--|--|- _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|| ||__|__|__|__|__|__|_||- |__|__|_ -|--|--|= ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|| ||--|--|--|--|--|--|-||= |--|--|- jgs | |- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||- | | | ~~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~ All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died." The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office. The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you." "I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest....." --- ...Oh My! LMAO! Thanks Johanna! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb Because you never asked for it, here is a list of my favorite funny sounding words. 1. Riboflavin 2. Pork 3. Squabble 4. Squeegee 5. Porcupine 6. Whippersnapper 7. Futz 8. Gobbledygook 9. Cramp 10. Glop Number one sounds like something that Jerry Lewis would say in a funny voice. Riboflaaaaaaaaavin! Nice Laaaaaaaady! -<>- | \|/ * . . . .. . | | \|*/* .. _ . . | | *|| | .. ><_> . _ | | |`|/ _ . <_>< | | \| ><_> _ | `-----!---------!!!---!!!---/ \--' Colin Douthwaite >The Fish Tank Joke Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You drive. I'll man the guns." -<>- >Good News, Bad News Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news. Client: Well, give me the bad news first. Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene. Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news? Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130! -<>- >Bad Doctor Jokes Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye? Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing? -<>- >Random Humor Polynesia: memory loss in parrots. Oh Lord, give me patience...and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! A good pun is its own reword. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! To err is human, to moo bovine. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What do stylish frogs wear? A: Jumpsuits. Q: What bird is the best weightlifter? A: The crane. Q: What's a bee's favorite song? A: Stinging in the Rain. Q: Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery? A: So he could loaf around! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-""-._ / ___/ \ _&_ _.--""|/ `\| // \\ .' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \ / | _ | \ // / \ \\ | _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\ | .' \____/-._ | .-"-. | / `; /# \ | / / _|_.---\ | | |.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-. / \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="} /--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="} / \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-; | /`| | \ | |||| || | /_ | |_______/ | |||| || | \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._|| | | | | || |> |______| |____________|._ || _..-;| | [___] | `||() || |______ |\/|____________|jgs|| () (__) \__/ (__) () Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said, inconsolable. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" -<>- Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." -<>- "When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist," said my husband's grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, "Now look how much I got. That's what I call an investment!" -<>- My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...She was attacked by a giant crab. -<>- I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day. -<>- A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went a lot farther in those days." -<>- There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half..." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Canada, Sir." "Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there." "Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!" The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?" -<>- A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years." -<>- Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, "Panty stitcher...I sew the elastic onto women's panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher in her table. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. The second guy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor." "What skill?!" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic, and he pulls on it and says, "Yep, dese'll fit 'er." -<>- A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!" "Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?" "Six," replies the boy. "Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?" "I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay." "I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?" "Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: .-. _ ( `. .' ) `\ ` .' | | | | | 66|_ | ,__) |(,_| | | | \_, | | | | .' \ ( , ) jgs '--' '-' >Bizarre Town Names Horneytown, North Carolina Whynot, North Carolina Hicksville, Ohio Knockemstiff, Ohio Slaughterville, Oklahoma Idiotville, Oregon Virginville, Pennsylvania Sweet Lips, Tennessee Ding Dong, Texas Looneyville, Texas Butts, Virginia Imalone, Wisconsin Toad Suck, Texas Intercourse, Pennsylvania Unalaska, Alaska French Lick, Indiana -<>- .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' >Bumper Stickers * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? * He who laughs last thinks slowest. * Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog... Dorothy * Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. * I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. * Where there's a will, I want to be in it. * OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? * Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it. * I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.. * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. * Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. * Give me ambiguity or give me something else. * Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. * There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Aww Animals 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html Animal Friends 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends2.html Cool Optical Illusions!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/optical.html God's Water Paintings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/water.html Breeze And Buttons http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/breezeandbuttons.html Beautiful Rare Flowers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rareflowers.html Beautiful Cactus Blooms!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cactusblooms.html All Occasion Cakes 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes3.html SubTropolis: Underground Park http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/subtropolisup.html Moses Bridge!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html Brilliant Logos!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/logos.html Fighter Aircraft!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fighteraircraft.html Statue Of Liberty!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/statueofliberty.html Road Train Trucks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html Willis (Sears) Tower!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html Strange Buildings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html Big Baby Big Dogs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs.html The Last Shot! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html Pets Being Pets! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petsbeingpets.html Upside Down House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/downhouse.html China's Craze For Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinadogs.html Wieliczka Salt Mine!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltmine.html Amazing Trivia Facts!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts.html Amazing Cop Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars.html Lamborghini Aventador!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html Amazing Air Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html -<>- Can You Name That Candy Bar? Is that a Milky Way or a 3 Musketeers? A Mounds or an Almond Joy? Try to guess your favorite candy bars by viewing images of their middles. http://www.thinkingfountain.org//c/crosssection/namethatbar.html The Gold Miner Game Explore new caves as you mine for gold, build a small fortune and get the high score. http://www.123games.dk/game/other/goldminer/goldminer_eng.htm 15 Gifs That You Can Stare At Forever Clear your schedule and prepare to stare. These 15 Gifs may calm you, hypnotize you, and/or possibly freak... you... out! https://tinyurl.com/y8zzacrm 24 Facts That Will Ruin Your Childhood Someone had to ruin your childhood, but don't worry it's not me, it's the hilarious Cracked.com. I'm just the messenger. You knew it was going to happen sooner than later. https://tinyurl.com/y6w6v5w3 Monkeys react to magic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spMkaJp975s 10 FUNNIEST AUDITIONS EVER ON BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93b3D1rNlZs Celebrating THE BEST DOG AUDITIONS & TRICKS EVER On Got Talent From Around The World https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSpAsz0X3Gk -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) When a magician makes himself disappear in front of his dog and the dog is left baffled and confused. There’s a trend on social media called “What The Fluff” where people are playing with their dog by disappearing. Dogs are smart animals so if you’re going to attempt to disappear you’d better have a good plan. This illusion works well for a few seconds but the magician had to cut the video quickly at the end once his dog realized where he had hidden. I hope he gave his dog a nice treat for participating https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTxfUCm8R34 If you enjoy fishing and spending time on the water then you might get a chuckle or two out of these fishing clips gone wrong. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSiAnJBGc7w This group of fishermen have decided to fight back against invasive flying carp by holding a carp-catching competition. The organizer of the event thought it would be much more fun to call it a Redneck Fishing Tournament. I had no idea carp could fly out of the water like this and found it amazing to watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bZ_9B_RlGY What wonderful times - A long time ago https://www.youtube.com/embed/nSC7SXQpInM?rel=0 --- ...HaHa! Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie are rolling out a new payment program which allows online shoppers to pay in installments later rather than in full, called Afterpay. Not to be confused with the program they have at Taco Bell, where you always pay for it later." -Seth Meyers "A group of shareholders at Facebook might be plotting to get rid of Mark Zuckerberg. And their plan would be way more likely to work if Mark wasn't spying on them using Facebook." -Jimmy Fallon "Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don't know; that actually might make me START smoking." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that a growing number of parents regret the name they gave their baby. They actually have a name for those parents: 'celebrities.'" -Jimmy Fallon "In Michigan, a man was too drunk to drive, so he had his 9-year-old daughter drive their van for him. Yeah. As he was being arrested, he told the girl, 'I'm going to need a lawyer. Go get your little brother.'" -Conan O'Brien "A growing number of people are going to e-sport arenas to watch other people play video games. It combines the thrill of going to a live sporting event with the thrill of having an unemployed roommate." -Jimmy Fallon "Papa John's has started selling extra-large jugs of its signature garlic sauce. Each jug of garlic sauce is 8 pounds and costs $20. But Papa John's says it's a lifetime supply. Because you're not expected to survive long enough to need a second jug." -James Corden "Scientists claim to have succeeded transplanting a memory from the brain of one sea snail and implanting it into another. Or, more likely, all snails live pretty similar lives." -Seth Meyers "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." --Ralph Waldo Emerson "I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing." --Johnny Carson "The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." --Harlan Ellison "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." --Mahatma Gandhi "I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places." --Mark Twain "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." --Sir Winston Churchill >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************