Blondes, Techs And Defs... :) Shangy >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ *~* Just A Little Note To All Our WebTV Friends :) I've been told that WebTV is shutting down the end of this month. My thought on that is - Please Don't Leave Us! You can get free email service from many places. Here is a list: Top 13 Free Email Services http://email.about.com/od/freeemailreviews/tp/free_email.htm And today's cell phones have email and internet access on them or most all Libraries have internet access from there. You don't have to leave us. However, I understand, it is your choice. If you choose to leave, please take care and may God abundantly bless you and be with you. Huggums In Christ! :) Shangy! -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super duper hottie comes from not one, not two, not even three but from FOUR of our friends - Johanna, Linda, KarenF and PatDeE! It is one sure to tickle your funny bone. Give it time to load and check it out here... `-.__.-*-. .-*+- .-*'\: `-._/ .' .' ; .-' `._ .' / `-. `. / .-' `+. `. .' / .'\ `-. ; / / `. ` \ | _.' : \ \ | `-.-'/ _ '|\ \ ; ; `. : / / / .' `./.: ; ,|;: | \ \ . .-' .' .-'/ ;|| ::| | `. ; ; : / / .-' .' / :: ' :\ ,: | ,*"*-:' / /.'.-*' .'; ', / ; ; \ :.-*"*. |'TP' .-'.'' / .-' , //.' : ' . : '.s$P`| ; / .' .'/ .' .' <_.' ` |/ : '\ T$P : |/_.-*" /.'.-' ___ \ ___ |/ db. `. | .-'_.-' ; .' s$$$$$s ; s$$$$$s ; d$$ `-.+-; .'.-'_.-*' d$b T$$$$$P T$$$$$P/.d$$$b , /.'.-'\ \ ;/ $$ """ : """ ` $$ TP / : .' \ /, d$$ ; $$b / |/ [bug] ,:-. \ .-*' ' |; \__;`. ,' . `. / :__/ : | ; ; : | : `._ _.' ; "*--*" ` ` ' \ \ .-*--*-. / \ ;*""**""*: / `. :`. .'; .' \ `.`""'.' / `. `""' .' `.__.' Maxine On Humor 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinehumor2.html .--- ...Lots of SMILES Here! Thank you Johanna, Linda, KarenF, And PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: They Tried To Bribe The Judge _.--._ Taking his seat in his chambers, __..--'` ( ) `'--..__ the judge faced the opposing (____..--'`||`'--..____) lawyers. "So," he said, O || O "I have been presented, by both /|\ || /|\ of you, with a bribe." / | \ || / | \ / | \ || / | \ Both lawyers squirmed /___|___\ || /___|___\ uncomfortably. (____|____) || (____|____) \_______/ || \_______/ "You, attorney Leon, gave me || $15,000. And you, attorney __||__ Campos, gave me $10,000." ____/` `\____ /` `-......-' `\ The judge reached into his jgs `._ _.' pocket and pulled out a check. '--..........--' He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" ========================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 30 is National Mud Pack Day October 1 is World Vegetarian Day And Magic Circles Day October 2 is Name Your Car Day And International Frugal Fun Day October 3 is Techies Day And Virus Appreciation Day October 4 is National Golf Day And National Frappe Day October 5 is National Storytelling Festival Day And Do Something Nice Day October 6 is Come and Take it Day And Mad Hatter Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _.-""""-. ( ': '. .___.' : : _.."----".._ .-" "-. ." ". .":.".. .' `. : '.' : :" "": : .-" .'""-: .-"""-. :": : : ". .' `. : " '-._ : : _:" : : "" : : : : _ : : : '. : : : `#. ' : : _:. : '. ' `#. : grp : '._ .' : . ." .-" :"-._ _.-" (_. '. ""------"" (_.: . : '.:`-' >Leftovers Occasionally at the restaurant where I work there are extra desserts, and the staff are given some to take home. Once I brought home two pieces of cheesecake for my son and daughter. My daughter had a piece that evening. The next day her older brother found her watching TV and eating more cheesecake. "Are you eating my cheesecake?" he demanded. "Oh, no," she replied sweetly, "I ate yours yesterday." -<>- >Lost Parrot A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had Lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The caller said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept Repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-3214. I can't come to the Phone right now, please leave a message at the tone." -<>- >Mother's Wisdom My wife and I were visiting my mother. My sisters, their husbands and many nieces and nephews had gathered at mom's house to welcome our newborn. Suddenly, two of my nieces, both five, began to squabble over who'd get to hold the baby on their lap first. My mother, with her years of wisdom, suggested they sit side by side and both hold the baby. Not to be outdone, One niece piped up and said, "Okay! But I want the end with the head on it!" -<>- >Prescription Pad To treat my bronchitis, the doctor pulled out his prescription pad. "This is for Zithromax," he said as he wrote, then muttered, "Mypenzadyne." I was familiar with the antibiotic Zithromax but not the other drug. I asked, "What's Mypenzadyne?" He looked confused for a second then enunciated slowly. "My pen is dying." -<>- >Working Out I've really been working out, lately. Soon I'll be able to touch my toes. Well, as soon as my fingernails grow another 24 inches or so.. ========================================================= >-->From our Friend Geniann :) ___________ `:::::::::' ':::::::' -._:::::::_.- :""""""""""""""""": : . \ .- . : : : 0 0 .' : : ' ..::. : : ::::::: : .': ':::::' :`. : : "" : : `. : __ :.' ": .' ". : : : : : : ' : :_____ _____: __ : : :.--. grp ." " : ' : '. : .' `-...-"'-..-" Mr. Grumpy >Legacy Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza." "Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown" The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property and wealth." Sarah replies, "Property, shmoperty...the schmuck had a newspaper route." --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _..-------.._ .-"--..__ __."-. ." """" ". .:: :.. .' ""----...._________..-`. ::::::' : __:::::::::: .. : ______......--.--:::::::::::::-" .:: ::::::::::(::::##::##::_:::::::::"::: .:-.:::_ :::::::::_::::::#:::#:::#"::::::: " '-::::::::::::::-#:::::::::::::::#::::::::: .:::::::::::::::#:::::::::::::#:::::::' : ::::::":"""----:::#::::::::::::#---"" _.: " '-' : __...--"" : :---...____....----""" ___..-": : ______......--""" : :""""" : `.----.....______....----.' .--. ":::::::::::::::::::::/:..:::::: grp "-:::::::::::::::-"':::::::::: ::::::---"" .::::::::: .:::::/_.._ ::::::::' :::::::::::::. '-::-" '::::::::::::: `--::::::-' >Smiles An elderly Blonde Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." -------- Two Blondes, living in Kansas, were sitting on a bench one evening, one asked the Other, "What do you think is farther, Florida or the moon?" The other blondes give her a puzzled look and replies, "Helloooooooooooooooooooo - Can you see Florida??????!!!!!!" -------- One day I decided to take my three children to an ice skating party in a nearby town, but after several wrong turns and stops to ask directions, I pulled over to the side of the road and suggested we all ask God to help us find the rink. When we finally arrived, we were nearly an hour late. The following week, as we got into the car to go skating again, my five-year-old son exclaimed, "Mom, let's pray now and save time!" -------- As soon as I returned home from work one particularly long, hard day, I began taking off my suntan-colored pantyhose. I didn't realize my three- year-old son, Stephan, was watching me until he piped up in a concerned voice, "Mommy, why are you taking your skin off?" -------- Smoky, our family cat, had gotten injured and needed to stay at the vet clinic for several days. Our three children were so concerned that several times a day, my wife and I had to reassure them that Smoky was safe and being cared for by the "animal doctor." Finally, we got the call that Smoky was ready to come home. Driving to the vet's, it became clear that our four-year-old son, Ryan, had been doing a lot of thinking about Smoky's absence when he asked, "Mom, what kind of animal is the doctor?" -------- Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked. -------- Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway. -------- Henry and Molly were in divorce court after many years of marriage. The judge asked, "Henry, is it true that through the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Molly?" "Yes, your honor, that is correct." "And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" Harry replied, "I didn't want to interrupt her, Your Honor." ------- During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this pure silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No sir," one student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why you're so sure that the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in! ------- The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! She said, "I have some really great news!" I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit n a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!" ------------ Iris, recently widowed, requested the epitaph "Rest In Peace" on her husband's gravestone. When Iris later found that he had left all his money to his mistress, she attempted to get the mason to change the carving. This proved impossible as the words had already been chiselled in and could not be changed. "In that case," Iris demanded, "please add until We Meet Again." ------------ We recently conducted a poll as to whether men prefer women with large thighs or women with thin thighs. The results were pretty surprising. 10 percent of those men surveyed preferred women with large thighs. 10 percent of the men preferred women with thin thighs. And the other 80 percent preferred what's in-between. -------- TECH SUPPORT PROBLEM Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Okay." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Okay. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Okay, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click.' Twice!" -------- The Blonde Guy An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch." -------- A pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother — he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” the doctor says. The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not such a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!” Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?” The doctor replies, “DeNephew.” --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Thought you might find this interesting. The larger the deficit, the greater the default http://teapartyeconomist.com/2013/09/25/larger-deficit-greater-default/ --- ...Yeppers! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From BizarreNews: As the progress of racial acceptance and blindness marches on we are treated to stories of tolerance and hope like this one.. Police arrested a 52-year-old woman Saturday after she reportedly doused Chinese restaurant patrons in soy sauce and chocolate milk. Officers were called about 1 p.m. to the Dim Sum King in Seattle after the woman entered the restaurant, told guests to "go back to China" and flipped over customers' plates, according to police reports. She also allegedly spit on a man and covered him and his baby with soy sauce. Police arrived at the restaurant to find several people standing outside, covered in food, reports say. The woman slapped an officer trying to contact her in the arm. Police arrested and booked her for investigation of harassment and assault of an officer. *-- Motorcycle stolen and recovered twice within 24 hours --* ST. LOUIS - A Missouri man said his Harley-Davidson motor- cycle was stolen and recovered twice in the space of about 24 hours. David Dickinson, 61, of St. Louis, said the 2006 Dyna Wide Glide was in a trailer in front of his house with a flat tire and someone took the bike and trailer sometime between 3:30 a.m. and 10 a.m. Aug. 20, The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported Tuesday. Dickinson filed a police report and the motorcycle and trailer were found later in the day behind a stolen truck about 5 miles away. The trailer was towed to Dickinson's son's house, where he thought it would be more secure, but the motorcycle was gone from the trailer by 4:45 a.m. Aug. 21. The motorcycle was spotted by a neighbor in the parking lot of an apartment complex about a mile away. Dickinson said he isn't taking any more chances with the bike. "I put a lock, chain and a padlock on it," he said. *-- Naked man leads Spanish police on motor scooter chase --* UTRERA, Spain - Police in Spain said they arrested a man accused of fleeing police while drunkenly riding a motor scooter in the nude. Investigators said a pair of Civil Guard traffic units in Utrera responded early Sunday to reports of a nude man riding a scooter unsteadily on a local road and the man allegedly refused to stop when ordered, fleeing "in a reckless manner," The Local.es reported Monday. The man endangered pedestrians during the chase by riding up on sidewalks, police said. The man eventually fled on foot and fell into a field of sunflowers, police said. The suspect is facing charges of reckless driving and driving under the influence of alcohol. *-- Principal irks locals by selling school's trophies --* MALAD, Idaho - An Idaho high school principal said selling trophies earned by school athletes was meant to connect with the community, not sell out the school's heritage. Some Malad residents accused Malad High School Principal John Cockett of selling out the school's heritage when he had trophies earned by school athletes during the past 60 years sold at a recent homecoming game, the Idaho State Journal reported Monday. However, Cockett said the intention was to build ties between the school and the community. "We wanted to get them out to the people connected to the trophies -- team members and coaches -- rather than [keeping them] in boxes," he said. Cockett said the $5 price tag was designed to deter people without connections to the school from taking multiple trophies. He said the school did not have enough space for all of the trophies accumulated over the years. The principal said no more trophies will be sold without the school board's approval. "Some people thought this was a great idea, but others thought it was a sacrilege. That's unfortunate because it wasn't our intent," he said. "It was a good idea gone bad." *-- Pennsylvania haunted house issues 'Naked' challenge --* SINKING SPRING, Pa. - A Pennsylvania Halloween park is challenging visitors to pass through a haunted house in the nude for the "Naked and Scared" challenge. The Shocktoberfest attraction in Sinking Spring said guests can pay $20 after midnight, once the park's regular hours have ended, to pass through the haunted house for a challenge inspired by the Discovery Channel's "Naked and Afraid" reality show, WKYC-TV, Cleveland, reported Monday. The park said participants can go either "nude" or "prude," an option to leave one's underwear on during the challenge. Officials said only guests over the age of 18 will be allowed to participate and they will undress in a "semi-private preshow building" to keep them out of view of minors and non-participating customers. The park's website said the attraction is not meant to be sexual and "no sexual misconduct, inappropriate or disrespectful behavior will be tolerated." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ,o8888boo. b d88888888888b d88oo88888888888888o. /\ 8888888888P" Y88888888o,b _--/ \ 88888888P".''.Y88P" Y8888 /__/ "\ Y888888P '.-. Y" _. Y88P <______ "\ "8888P / | '_ '$88 \, \ 888b Bo | / \ a8Z \ \ 8|< B8/ Bo||P" '. /'--\ ._ P8/| \ / '\_ \ _/ \ /'-----.' \ | / |\ \ '-./ | / \./| \ | \/ |/ | ,---| /\__./ _/ '-.___./ ; \ / \ \ \ --._/ \ \ \_ \ \._\ "--. \ _''-._<'' \ /" '-. .-" "----._____-| | | | | | | | | | | I | | | T | | | | | | | | \ | "| | | | Z "-.__.-P__.-- \88ooo8|PwwPP """"' ch1x0r >HAPPY FALL TO YOU! From one pumpkin to another! A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?" The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin." God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see." I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch. --- ...Why thank you Linda! -<>- /|_\|/_/| , ,--,-. . / ( O O ) \ | (___)' | |. , | / '-'\__,' | //|. \\\ \ ||| , `-'|\\ ||| ' ||| c D ' , c D UU ' '-' ' UU \ __ / __|| ||__ (___/ \___) [lf] >Wonderfully described definitions.........? CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other! MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power! CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight! OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!" MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH! FATHER: A banker provided by nature BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills! --- ...LOL! Pretty Cool! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ /~~ ~\ | I wonder what | .---+----. | |rhymes with SMOOTH| / | ,. ,\. | BROWN THIGH? | | ## #/~~~~`. /__________________/ | ## ' | | `' | ` _ `_____,' \ \__,' ` ' \ | >Wisdom, by Steven Wright If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." He sees things differently from most of us. Here are some of his gems: 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good. 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name. 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. And the all-time favourite - 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? --- ...LOL!! Good ones! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _.---.__ .' `-. / .--. | \/ / / |_/ `\/|/ _(_) _.--' `. .---<_.---. \ / \ | | __ __ /| |/ \ / \ / | \| | | | |>/ __\@@/ |@@| _ ><_) ( _ `--' ) | >-- (_ ----' | / `-._____.- ' aaa\ ( ,#'| \ ,#'/ `._______.aad##'/ Joshua Bell `#########""'' `&#' "#b" "People who murder a lot of people are called masked murderers." "The person was an innocent by standard, who just happened to be the victim of your friend's careless responsibility." "Another effect of smoking is it may give you cancer of the thought." "The children of lesbian couples receive as much neutering as those of other couples." "Benjamin Franklin discovered America while fling a kite." "Keith helps me to have good self-a-steam." "For example, one homeless person lives under a bride in Lanham, Md." "Jogging on a woman's ovaries can be dangerous to her health." "The French benefits of this job are good." -<>- >DRAWBACKS OF WORKING IN A CUBICLE [Or, "Welcome to my life."] * Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds. * When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam. * Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long. * 23 power cords - 1 outlet. * The carpet has been there since 1976 (or older) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers. * If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say, "What? I didn't hear you." * You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone. -<>- A Mexican restaurant I pulled up to looked great. Only one problem: It wasn't open. So I jotted down the name for another day. Just then, a man came out of the restaurant and took a peek at what I'd written. "That's not the name of the restaurant," he said, pointing to the sign over the door. "That's Spanish for 'Closed on Mondays.'" -<>- One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested. "I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it." -<>- A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?" "My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician. "Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!" "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred." "Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous." "Well, then, could you afford two hundred?" "Who has that kind of money?" "Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?" "I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it." "I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?" "Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!" -<>- _____________ ( `--._\.--\ ) `-/__(___\.-' _/_\ /_\_ __(/(. _ .)\)__ .' ( --/ \-- ) `. / / |.-`-'-.| \ \ / / `| '~\ |' \ \ ( / |\___/| \ ) / |___ `' `' ___| \ / /| |\ \ / / | | \, \__ ,-__/ __)_|_______________|__|____ | | (_( [__(__ __.-' | `~ \\|_/ \`--._______.----' `-'-' (\___________/) `-.__||\__.-' | / ''' \ | ___(| |)___ (____) (____) A worker in the reference department of the Library of Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase "without recourse." He consulted a legal dictionary and furnished this definition, "Said of a signer of a document when he takes no responsibility for the face of the document." "Thank you," said the voice at the other end of the wire. "I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It's signed, "Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge." -<>- We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and light bulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" my brother asked. "There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!" -<>- In a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately? Among the many raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what HE would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay on board. With his team's software, he reasoned, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the end of the runway, let alone leave the ground! -<>- .ee._ , /$$$$$$e. '. /$$.$'$$$$$. \ |$/$$$$$$$$$\ ""--._|_ |/$'$$$$$$\"*' .ee. .-" _""*$$$$$$)"-' /$$$$ee/ A \|'-)"" \"**' |$$$$$/|/ '-e$* _\ \"-. /$$$$$|" $$.- ."\'\ \ '. |$$$$$|\ (_$/ / /.-"\ \ \, \ \$A/\|"-_"' -" '\ \ |/ \ /-"" " \--| / \ .-"""""- | || \ .-" |_|/ \ .' _.sjw. |/ | . | / .e$$$$$$$$) | / | \ | .e$$$$$$$$$$/ .-._/ | | \ \ \$$***$$/ ) \ / | | | \ '*( \/ ."__ \/ ,"| / | /"-._) "" \ .-"." / / | / -"/__. --./--".-" | / | | /../\ )--"" |. , / / \ """/| "-" , /\ /||\/ / "-.__.-" | | |\| /-, / / | \ ) | /| | |, \ . --"| / / / / \\ '.'-." / / / || \\ "" / .' /- |\ . \ . /." ".' |/\ \ . \ . / . / _.-' ' \ \ |\, |, /|/| /|,/__,7 \|\|\\\ |\|/ | |/ "V .-',' \ '-.\ V / V |-. "-.\ |" /_..--. ( /". | .--) V _A "-. \ "---""" ". ) ." '-.." " >Real Letters to Pastors: Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, age 11, Anderson Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen, age 9, Tacoma Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, age 11, Akron ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Hummingbirds! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humming.html Life's Little Oops 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html Never Give Up! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/nevergiveup.html Cost Of a Child! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/costofchild.html Building Advertising Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Eagle Sculpture Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleart.html Up Close And Personal 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal2.html Until We Write again! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/write.html Harvest Moonbow http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonbow.html -<>- >From Our Friend Lindsey :) History and Meaning of Orchids http://www.proflowers.com/guide/history-and-meaning-of-orchids Venamy Orchids: Introduction to Orchids http://www.orchidsusa.com/1Introduction.htm United States Botanic Garden http://www.usbg.gov/ --- ...Great ones! I added them to the FUN URLS - Thanks Lindsey! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) This master glass blower demonstrated how to create a vase, then he decided to quickly make another creation that is amazing! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRGlFrD4eEA When a blind customer at Dairy Queen dropped a $20 bill, the woman behind him took it for herself. Click here to see how this 19-year old Dairy Queen manager has restored faith in humanity with his kind deed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzOBNG6ENGU Everyone is astounded by Yif's mind-boggling magic! He's back with another incredible illusion inspired by Jesus' famous miracle. How do you think Yif does with his homage? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wXzO6WFCVsE The Little Boy Writer Automaton is a clockwork creation of Swiss clockmaker Pierre Jaquet-Droz that was built 250 years ago and is simply amazing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUa7oBsSDk8 10 famous movie scenes from iconic films such as 'Raiders of the Lost Ark,' 'Star Wars,' 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid' and 'Back to the Future.' http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FFuwRlaOjis --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Richard :) It's hard to believe that Willie Nelson ever looked this way! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1bXdXWEKaE --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Richard! What do two souls in love look like? Daniel Wurtzel is a unique and original artist, who likes to use material to express emotion. For this show, all he needed was two scarves and a circle of fans! But what comes out, when you really look at the scarf dance, is a subtle, gorgeous dance of air and passion, of two souls intertwining and dancing together. It is amazing how something so beautiful can come about so simply! Dance of 2 scarves http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jP3fYcCtPRQ#t=151 --- ...Aww, Poetry in motion... Thanks Richard! -<>- >From Our Friend GloriaB :) Unbelievable voice for a 5 year old. Not just the voice, but the presentation, too. Her stage presence is amazing. http://tinyurl.com/7sfd48h --- ...Quite a cutie! Thanks GloriaB! You have to watch this to the very end or you'll be sorry!! ABSOLUTELY AWESOME - especially if you love dogs!!!!!!! Hooked on swing! http://www.youtube.com/embed/18F_sIaimGM?rel=0 --- ...Love it! Reminds me of my sweet Frisky! Thanks GloriaB! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness." -Conan O'Brien "New York City always has something going on. And you know what it is right now? The bike-sharing program. You get on a bike, you ride it, and then a half hour later you pass it to somebody else. And if you're lucky, you won't need anti- biotics." -Dave Letterman "Starbucks is now banning smoking within 25 feet of its stores. It will get even worse for smokers once they realize every Starbucks is about 25 feet from another Starbucks." -Jimmy Fallon "IRS executive Lois Lerner has refused to quit and will collect her full pay and benefits while on administrative leave. They asked her to resign. She refused to go. Where in the real world does that ever happen? You get fired and you tell your boss, 'I'm going to stay, and I want my money.' And you wonder why we're $16 trillion in debt." -Jay Leno "Mayor Bloomberg now says he's outlawing sugary drinks. I was in a bit of a shakedown coming to work today. I had my giant drink. The cops got a hold of me and they said, 'What's that?' I said, 'This happens to be my medicinal Mountain Dew.'" -Dave Letterman "Disney World is raising the price of its tickets, which means that a family of four will now pay almost $400 to visit the park for one day, but it's all worth it to spend a day in the hot Florida sun waiting for your kid to throw up in the teacups." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study found that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers, but the ways they die are a lot more embarrassing." -Jimmy Fallon There has been a lot of talk about conserving energy. Like keeping the thermostat down in the winter. Using low energy bulbs. Turning off lights. Using less gas. It made me realize, my dad was like the first environmentalist. He would walk around the house yelling, 'turn off those lights! Turn the heat down!' He was green before his time." -Jay Leno "My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can... she's always on my back." --Scott Wood >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************