Blondes, Time And Old Age... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This smoking hot new page is from our friends EdLaF and PatDeE. It's one to give you plenty of eye candy for your humdrum Monday. Be sure to check this one out here... . _..------.._ + ,' .-' i `-. ,; . .'. |. `. .'/ `-_ ;. , jl.____ `. .'.' `;-_ ;. ._..---""" """--.:' / . `.-..:,-" ,_.-'`'--'`'-9"h` .' . `.`^.,-Ce/ .'"'. _.' / `. '-h'_.._/0 " 0\/` {\ + `. |'-^Y^- | // . (`\ \_."._/\...-;..-. `._'._,'` ``` _.:---''` ;-....----'''` / ( + sk/itz | (` `.^' Breathtaking Photos 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/breathtaking3.html --- ...Excellent! Thank you my friends! -<>- This next hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu and Fran. It's sure to give you some chuckles and ease your tensions during these tough political times we are living in. That is, as long as you are more Conservative leaning [1]. Be sure to check this one out here... <> .-"""-. ||::::::========== /= \ ||::::::========== |- /~~~\ | ||::::::========== |=( '.' ) | ||================ \__\_=_/__/ ||================ {_______} ||================ /` * `'--._|| /= . [] . { > / /|ooo |`'--'|| ( )\_______/ || \``\/ \ || `-| == \_| || / | || |= >\ __/ || \ \ |- --| || \ __| \___/ || jgs _{__} _{__} || ( )( ) || ^^~ `""" `""" ~^^^~^^~~~^^^~^^^~^^^~^^~^ Humor In Politics 19! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics19.html --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Love this series! Thanks Ladies! 1. Conservative leaning in the US https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservatism_in_the_United_States -<>- *~* We Had A Tremendous Month Of Sharing And Caring Last Month! :) / , /\ \|/ /\ |\\_;=._//| \." "./ //^\ /^\\ .'``",/ |0| |0| \,"``'. / , `'\.---./'` , \ /` /`\,."( )".,/`\ `\ /` ( '.'-.-'.' ) `\ /"` "._ : _." `"\ `/.'`"=.,_``=``_,.="`'.\` jgs ) ( >Be Sure To Visit and Share All These Great Pages: Funny Gas Station Signs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/signs.html Winston Churchill Quotes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/churchillquotes.html Animal Moms 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms7.html Only In Montana! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onlyinmontana.html Kogler Optical Illusions! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/optical4.html Name These Animal Groups! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalgroups.html Got A Nanosecond 9? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano9.html !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ *~* God's Most Abundant Blessings To Our Thoughtful Friends For Sharing These With Us! They So Enrich Our Lives! Thank You! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: `. ---)..( ||||(,o) ptr "`'" \__/ A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says, "Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?" The blonde replies, "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex." The man responds, "Huh, that's interesting. Why did you name them such names?" The blonde sighs and shakes her head, "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?" -<>- Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase. The other policeman protests. "While we're doodling," he points out, "he is making his getaway." "Relax," says the game-theorist policeman, "He's got to figure it out too, don't he?" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 1 is Dare Day, Flip a Coin Day and National Trails Day June 2 is National Bubba Day and National Rocky Road Day June 3 is Repeat Day (I said "Repeat Day") June 4 is Applesauce Cake Day, Hug Your Cat Day, National Cheese Day and Old Maid's Day June 5 is Hot Air Balloon Day, National Doughnut Day and World Environment Day June 6 is D-Day - WWII, National Gardening Exercise Day and National Yo-Yo Day June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day, National Frozen Yogurt Day and VCR Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ >GCF: Mealtime Prayer My four-year-old likes to say the blessing at mealtimes, usually repeating the same short prayer: "Thank you, God, for this gracious food. Amen." One evening, however, he thanked the Lord for the birds, the trees, each of his friends, and asked God to watch over his family and help them to be good. I was thrilled that he was finally praying from the heart. But after the "Amen," he took a spoonful of the stew, gasped, then dropped his spoon into the bowl. "I should have said a longer prayer, my food is still too hot!" -<>- >Curfew This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for anyone seventeen years of age and under. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted. His father replied, "Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under eighteen and it has to be in the garage by eleven." -<>- >Sports Focus As a high school football coach, I'm aware that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. Bob, a fellow coach, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night. When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn't home, he became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away. "Just calm down, and I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach's wife told him. "What's your number?" The flustered kid replied, "Three." -<>- >Great Cheese A customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased with his meal that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) | | / | / .~^(,&|/o. |`-------^| \ / `=======' ejm98 >SMILES A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." Flustered, he said "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it." The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without." ---------- At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" ---------- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED 1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELL-O to a tree. 2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere, and of course, let the air out of their tires. 5. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due. 6. Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts. 7. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside. 8. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. 9. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. ---------- A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure." The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white." ---------- A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldn't have been more than $20." "That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord Himself walked." "Well, at $50 an hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder He walked." ---------- (\ /) (v\ /v) (vvv\ /vvv) (vvvvv\ /vvvvv) (vvvvvvv\ /vvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvv\ _---_ /vvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvvv\/ XII \/vvvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvvvv/ / \vvvvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvvv/ / \vvvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvv|IX @ III |vvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvv\ \ /vvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvv\ /vvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvv\ VI /vvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvv-___-vvvvvvvv) (vvvvvv/ \vvvvvv) (vvvvv/ \vvvvv) (vvv/ \vvv) ejm97 (v/ \v) (/ \) Years ago, I was a big city boy preaching in a small country town. I wanted to learn everything "country" so that I could fit in. As I was searching for Widow Jones' farm, I got lost on the back roads. I saw a farmer walking into his barn so I stopped for directions. He was just beginning to milk his cow but took time out to tell me how to get to the Jones' farm. "By the way, " I asked, "Do you know what time it is?" He leaned in to the udder of the cow and said, "12:30." I started to leave but I just HAD to know. I told him, "Hey, I've just moved from the city and I really want to know the ways of the country. How could you tell what time it was?" "Sit right here on this stool, son." I did. "Now, grab hold of that udder." I did. (Before this, my closest experience to this was grabbing a milk carton). "Now lean into the cow and lift up on the udder." I did. "Lean over and look right over there on that wall. See that's a clock. When the little hand is on the 12..." --- ...LMAO! Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: |\ | \ | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| |#####| jro\ * The fire hazard lurking in your laundry room. Vacuum lint out of your dryer. Even if you clean out the lint trap every time, some lint is still going to build up in there. That can drain your dryer's efficiency by 30 percent over time, and it also is a fire hazard. Twice a year, vacuum the lint filter out using the hose attachment. Clean out the external vent while you're at it. * Washing Machine Tips Overfilling your washing machine will result in your clothing not getting as clean as it could. Fill your laundry to around the three-quarters mark. If you need to do additional loads, that is better than trying to stuff the washer full. Add the laundry soap before you add your clothing. That way the soap can dissolve into the water, which will make it more effective. It also prevents powder from getting stuck to your clothes. -<>- * Borax is much more than a laundry booster Borax, chemically known as sodium borate, is a natural mineral salt that has a wide variety of uses in your home. It can be used as a supplement to laundry detergent, a cleaner, a deodorizer, even a pest deterrent. Because of the high alkalinity of borax you need to be a bit more careful with it than, say, baking soda. It is a mild skin irritant and can be toxic if you eat two or three spoonsful of it, but barring these extremes it should be perfectly safe to use around your family. And at 6 or 7 dollars for a 76 oz. box, you can't beat the value for the number of chores it performs! Keep roaches, waterbugs, and ants away by sprinkling a combination of equal parts borax and sugar (yes, sugar--it attracts the bugs and the borax eliminates them). Sprinkle borax on the floor along the wall and keep mice out of your house. Get rid of bed bugs by sprinkling borax on your mattress. Let it sit for about 30 minutes then vacuum it up. Kill fleas or dust mites by sprinkling borax on your carpet. Let it sit for an hour and vacuum thoroughly. Borax makes a great weed killer, too: Sprinkle a small amount of borax where you have seen weeds previously appear (driveway cracks, walkways, etc., not in the garden because it will kill your plants, too) A tablespoon of borax in your dishwasher to help remove water spots. Carpet stain remover or deodorizer - use 1/4 cup borax to 1 cup water. Mix and dissolve. Spray or pour directly on stain. Works well for indoor pet accidents. And, of course, add borax to each load of laundry to boost your detergent's cleaning power. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: President Signs Executive Order Targeting Social Media - He's had enough of the bias! https://tinyurl.com/ychhnx6l Trump’s Social Media Executive Order is Justified – Protects Free Speech, Combats Censorship -Fox News “President Trump was right and justified Thursday to sign an executive order calling for new regulations to strip legal liability protections from social media companies that censor posts and engage in political conduct on their sites,” Jim Hanson writes. https://tinyurl.com/yaq7w4a7 FCC Commissioner: Move shines a light on companies taking political sides https://tinyurl.com/y8exab3z Lara Trump: Twitter's head of integrity is 'anti-Trump as they come' https://tinyurl.com/yb3795r2 33 Examples of Twitter’s Anti-Conservative Bias https://tinyurl.com/y7nb4dt9 Ivanka Trump Helps Treasury Prioritize $10B Funding for Minority- Owned Small Businesses -Fox Business https://tinyurl.com/y9drejom Deadly Chinese COVID-19 Warnings Were Hidden from the World for Months by WHO https://tinyurl.com/yar7xrn2 Top FBI lawyer who authorized Carter Page surveillance is forced to resign https://tinyurl.com/ycscmh4y “Attorney General William Barr said Sunday that the Department of Justice will treat violence by individuals associated with Antifa as domestic terrorism in a statement that condemned the far-left group and asserted that protests against police brutality and racial inequality following George Floyd's death have ‘been hijacked,’” Tyler Olson reports for Fox News. https://tinyurl.com/y8duqjez IN THE NEWS: Black firefighter spent his life savings to open a bar. Then looters burned it down https://tinyurl.com/yalnuptm Violence Erupts at White House Doorstep as Secret Service Agents Wounded https://tinyurl.com/yc3qmoqf MURDOCK: Pro-Floyd rioters abuse George Floyd... https://tinyurl.com/yczw7awh Fox News Crew Mobbed and Assaulted https://tinyurl.com/y7kz4276 Trump Pit Bull Taps Prosecutor to Investigate Obama Scandal https://tinyurl.com/y79d76wm Westwing News:President Trump: George Floyd’s Death Filled America 'With Horror, Anger and Grief' https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Pasta, Crab, Medication http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: As if blood-thirsty koala bears, killer kangaroos and a national alcoholism problem wasn't enough, Australians apparently have deep-seated, deviant fantasies. This wouldn't be a problem, as such, if they could learn to read a street address. A disadvantage one man discovered when he woke up early in the morning to find two strange men with machetes in his bedroom. When the Australian man awoke to use the bathroom he noticed a light on his lounge room. Assuming it was a friend who comes over to use his kitchen to make coffee, he yelled out for them to leave. But in the darkness, he heard a stranger's voice reply, "Is your name Kevin?" In shock, the man turned on his bedside lamp and next to his bed he saw two men holding machetes. "What's your name?" one of the men asked. He told the men his name. "Are you sure you are not Kevin? As we were told to come to pick up Kevin," one of the strangers responded. The man told them no one named Kevin lived at the address or had ever lived there. Seemingly satisfied, the men started leaving. "Sorry, mate," said one of them, shaking the shocked man's hand. The bizarre interaction was not a crime, an Australian judge ruled this month, but rather the result of a bumbling attempt at carrying out another man's s%xual fantasy, which went horribly wrong. In exchange for $5,000, the two men had agreed to tie up a man they had never met, then rub his privates with a broom. There was just one problem: They had the wrong address. The judge subsequently found no intent to commit the crime of intimidation when the two men entered the house. He also found the men treated the shocked man relatively well despite the bizarre circumstances. "They were polite and respectful," he wrote. -<>- *--- Monkeys steal COVID-19 blood test samples ---* A group of monkeys attacked a laboratory assistant in India and ran off with three coronavirus blood test samples taken from patients, authorities said. Local authorities said the lab technician was carrying three blood test samples for COVID-19 testing at Meerut Medical College when he was attacked by a troop of monkeys that quickly fled with the samples. One of the monkeys later was caught on video chewing on one of the stolen samples while sitting in a tree. Officials at the medical college said new blood samples were taken from the patients so testing could be completed. Medical experts have raised fears that the monkeys could cause the virus to spread more quickly if it is determined that the patients who were being tested were infected with COVID-19. *--- 100 pairs of stolen flip-flops ---* A Thai man with an unhealthy obsession with shoes has been arrested for stealing more than 100 pairs of flip-flops, which he admitted to making love with. Police in Thailand first knew something was awry after receiving dozens of complaints from locals over missing shoes. CCTV footage eventually revealed the culprit to be local man Theerapat Klaiya, 24, who was filmed lurking outside his latest victim's home. Authorities apprehended Theerapat at his rented dwelling with 126 pairs of flip-flops that he admitted to pilfering over two years. The alleged footwear fetishist described how he would wear the sandals, which spanned every make and size, around the house to arouse himself. Theerapat would reportedly then caress and kiss the well-worn flip-flops, eventually, make love to them. *--- Turtle crashes through windshield ---* A Georgia driver and her brother were shocked when an airborne turtle crashed through the windshield while they were on a highway. Latonya Lark said she was driving on the Harry S. Truman Parkway in Savannah when the turtle broke through the windshield and ended up embedded in the glass right in front of her passenger, brother Kevin Grant. "I saw out of the corner of my eye what I thought was a brick," Lark said. "I told my brother, 'Oh my G there's a brick flying across the highway.' No sooner than I said that, it impacted my vehicle. It scared me so bad, it sounded like a bomb went off and glass went all over my brother." The pair said it was lucky the turtle ended up embedded in the windshield, as it could have caused serious injury or worse if it had struck Grant in the face. "We're so grateful because this could have been fatal," she said. "But the really sad part is that the turtle died. That was really upsetting." Police said they do not know how the turtle ended up flying through the air. Lark and Grant said they suspect it was thrown into the air by a strike from another vehicle. *--- What else do you expect to buy at a 'bar' ---* A Missouri-based grocery store chain is finding creative ways to use its closed-down salad bars, with stores using them as beer and liquor bars, cereal bars and even an "energy bar." Dierbergs Markets said its stores closed all salad bars due to COVID-19 concerns in March, and the bars sat bare until Rick Rodemacher, store director of the location in Manchester, Mo., decided to stock the one at his store with other items. "He tried other fresh food items at first but when that wasn't really working he came up with the idea to place beer cans in the empty space," Dierbergs Markets said. "It started with beer cans and liquor bottles. Other have done their own versions." A photo of the Manchester store's booze-filled salad bar -- with the word "salad" crossed out on signs so they just read "bar" -- went viral after being shared on social media. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: {} oIIo oIIo || || I. || |: _||_ |: .' || `. |: / || \ |: | :: | |: )_ :: _( |: _)( :: )(_ |: ) ._)::(_. ( |: / II \ |: | .-.|| | |: \(___)( / |: hjw `.__\/__.' I' >Haven't I Seen You Before? "Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!" -<>- ( ) ~(^^^^)~ ) @@ \~_ |\ / | \ \~ / ( 0 0 ) \ | | Hey ---___/~ \ | | Hiya /'__/ | ~-_____/ | Doin? o _ ~----~ ___---~ O // | | ((~\ _| -| Oops! I mean MOOOOOOO o O //-_ \/ | ~ | ^ \_ / ~ | | ~ | | / ~ | | ( | \ \ /\ / -_____-\ \ ~~-* | / \ \ .==. / / / / | | /~ | //~ | |__| W< ~~~~ ~~~~ >It's A Two Cow Joke Two cows were standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy. -<>- >"Husband Wanted" A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." -<>- >Funny Book Titles and Authors "Home Maintenance"....by Duane Pipe "Growing up in the Balkans".....by Hugo Slavia "Irish Winter Tales".....by Pete Moss "Increase Your Brain Power"....by Sarah Bellum "Looking Into the Wishing Well"....by Eileen Dover "How to Write a Mystery Novel"....by Page Turner "I Got Away With Murder"....by Scott Free "Winning Big".....by Jack Potts "Vacation Spot in the Tropics"....by Sandy Beech "I Always Enjoy the Darkness"....by Gladys Knight -<>- >Q and A Quickies: Q: What did one flag say to the other flag? A: Nothing. It just waved! Q: Which colonists told the most jokes? A: Punsylvanians! Q: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? A: The food! Q: Why did the computer need a jacket? A: Because it kept freezing. Q: Why did the elephants at the circus go on strike? A: They were tired of working for peanuts. ,--.!, __/ -*- ,d08b. '|` 0088MM `9MMP' hjm Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: As people get older their lifestyles change. Things that are important in your late twenties and early thirties become more like fanciful suggestions in your 40s. This is how my lifestyle has evolved over the last 15 years: Health I need to stay sober Monday through Thursday. I need to stay sober at least Monday and Tuesday. Only lite beer on Monday. Exercise I'm going to put in a good 90 minutes at the gym. 45 minutes of light weights and aerobic training is a good, well-rounded workout. Hey, I did 20 minutes on the treadmill last week. Diet I need to eat vegan at least three days a week and no fast food. Pork, it's the other white meat. Can I have extra pickles on my cheeseburger? I need the roughage. At this rate I'll probably be dead at 55. Laugh it up, -Joe -<>- _L_ ," ". (\ / O O \ /) \| _ |/ \ (_) / _/.___,\_ (_/ alf \_) I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. -<>- In honor of Memorial Day, the teacher I worked with read the Constitution to her third-grade class. After reading "We the people," she paused to ask the children what they thought that meant. One boy raised his hand and asked, "Is that like 'We da bomb?'" -<>- A man was trying to pull out of a parking place, and bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit. The note read: "Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name and phone number. You should be so lucky!" -<>- A woman was in court charged with the attempted murder of her husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge. "Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "It wasn't my fault. didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife!" -<>- A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb. About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing. Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?" -<>- :e 'M$\ sf$$br J\J\J$L$L :d )fM$$$$$r ..P*\ .4MJP '*\ sed"""""" ser d$$$F .M\ ..JM$$$B$$$$BJ$MR ... dF nMMM$$$R$$$$$$$h"$ks$$"$$r J\.. .MMM8$$$$$LM$P\..'**\ *\ d :d$r "M$$$$br'$M\d$R J\MM\ *L *M$B8MM$B.** :fd$> :fhr 'MRM$$M$$" MJ$> '5J5..M8$$> :fMM d$Fd$$R$$F 4M$P .$$*.J*$$** M4$> '$>dRdF MMM\ *L*B. Rosemary Lyndall Wemm :$$F ?k"Re .$$P\ **'$$B... :e$F" '"""" A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up an 8-foot fence. The next morning, however, the kangaroo was out again, idly roaming around the zoo. The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to ten feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming about the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 20 feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo replied, "Who knows? Maybe 50 feet. Unless somebody starts locking the gate at night." ========================================================= >-->From The Jokester: . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` >As They Get Old... - Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. - Old actors never die, they just drop apart. - Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. - Old architects never die, they just lose their structures. - Old bankers never die, they just lose interest. - Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling. - Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off. - Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures. - Old bosses never die, much as you want them to. - Old cashiers never die, they just check out. - Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive. - Old chemists never die, they just fail to react. - Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket. - Old cooks never die, they just get deranged. - Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged. - Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties. - Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience. - Old electricians never die, they just lose contact. - Old farmers never die, they just go to seed. - Old garagemen never die, they just retire. - Old hackers never die, they just go to bits. - Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips. - Old hippies never die, they just smell that way. - Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot. - Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe. - Old investors never die, they just roll over. - Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed. - Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils. - Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent. - Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. - Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. - Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate. - Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey. - Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor... - Old musicians never die, they just get played out. - Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime. - Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed. - Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot. - Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces. - Old professors never die, they just lose their class. - Old photographers never die, they just stop developing. - Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane. - Old policemen never die, they just cop out. - Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on.... - Old printers never die, they're just not the type. - Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address. - Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse. - Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away. - Old schools never die, they just lose their principals. - Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles. - Old seers never die, they just lose their vision. - Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away. - Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings. - Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy. - Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do. - Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper. - Old students never die, they just get degraded. - Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding. - Old typists never die, they just lose their justification. - Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation. - Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged. - Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: >Short Takes Sign on the desk of an airline executive in Chicago: 'Don't bother to agree with me, I've already changed my mind.' ============== I know it's going to be a good day when all the wheels on my shopping cart turn the same way. ============== Sign in a bank: 'Don't kiss our girls. They're tellers.' ============= Husband to wife a they plan a budget in the current inflationary times: 'Let's start with the basic necessities; food, clothing and shelter. We have a choice of any two. ============= Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you're doing, but nobody else does. ============= The problem with communication in marriage is that every time the husband has words with his wife, she has paragraphs with him. ============= I was always taught to respect my elders. But it's getting harder and harder to find one. ============= A cocktail party is a gathering where sandwiches and friends are cut into little pieces. ============= Television will never replace the newspaper. You can't wrap a fish in it. ============= A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his office and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. He says he's invisible." The psychiatrist responds, "O.K. Tell him I can't see him." ============= "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." -<>- /L'-, ,'-. /MM . . / L '-, . _,--dMMMM\ /MMM `.. / '-, : _,--, )MMMMMMMMM),. `QMM ,<> /_ '-,' ; ___,--. \MM( `-' )M//MM\ ` ,',.; .-'* ; .' | \MMMMMM) \MM\ ,dM//MMM/ ___ < ,; `. )`--' / | \MM()M MMM)__ /MM(/MP' ___, \ \ ` `. `. /__, ,' | MMMM/ MMMMMM( /MMMMP'__, \ | / `. `-,_\ / | MM /MMM---' `--'_ \ |-' |/ `./ .\----.___ | /MM' `--' __,- \"" |-' |_, `.__) . .F. )-. | `--' \ \ |-' |_, _,-/ J . . . J-'-. `-., | __ \`. | | | \ / _ |. . . . \ `-. F | ___ / \ | `| ' __ \ | /-' F . . . . \ '` | \ \ \ / | __ / \ | |,-' __,- J . . . . . \ | | / |/ __,- \ ) \ / |_,- __,--' |. .__.----,' | |/ ___ \ |'. |/ __,--' `.-;;;;;;;;;\ | ___ \ \ | | ` __,--' /;;;;;;;;;;;;. | \ \ |-'\ ' __,--' /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ \ | | / | __,--' `--;;/ \;-'\ \ | |/ __,--' / / \ \ \ | __,--' / / \ \ \|__,--' _,-;M-K, ,;-;\ <;;;;;;;; '-;;;; >A Mental Stop For A Blonde A blonde studying to be a counselor always went into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear. After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it. She replied, "It's for confidentiality." "Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor. "Yes, confidentiality," the blonde explained, "I've been told what goes in one ear comes out the other and I don't want anyone else knowing what my client says." -<>- >A-Hemmmmm! Groan.............. An Indian chief sends his son off to college. The son comes home with an electrical engineering degree. The first thing that the chief wants his son to do is to install electric lights in the outhouse as there are too many people stumbling around in the dark. The son installs the lights and is therefore known as the first Indian to wire ahead for a reservation. -<>- >Blonde Moments! Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other. Trixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming toward her, carrying this huge sack of coins. "Hey, Trixie," said Patty, "how'd you do?" "Not very good," came the reply. "I've been waiting here for hours." Patty said: "You should have been with me . . . did I ever find a good machine! It's way in the back. Come! I'll show it to you . . . you can't lose! Ever time you put a dollar in, you win four quarters!" -<>- >A PARIDIGM: 'I'm the greatest batter in the world,' said the proud boy as he tossed the ball into the air and swung his bat. He missed. Undaunted, he threw the ball up again and said, 'I'm the greatest batter ever!' He missed again. He looked at his ball then his bat. Once more he tossed the ball up into the air, 'I'm the greatest batter who ever lived.!' He swung hard and missed. 'Wow!'he exclaimed. 'And I'm an even better pitcher!' -<>- ()._ _.--. (##)_`-. / . ``u (##), ` `. \__) _/ (##),--. \ | --' ()' \ \ / | | | ,' \ _,' / ,' | ,;--// / ___\ |/ ___V__{(_ | ' \| || ,'-===- `,'| __| ,' /| || |""""""""|-L| ,`__. < _)))_))) |________|,' gnv (,' ool >I'm Not Old... I'm Mature! Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent. From my purchase this chap took off ten percent. I asked for the cause of a lesser amount; And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount." I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries; And there, once again, got quite a surprise. The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me. He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free." Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature; But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure. The newspaper print gets smaller each day, And people speak softer---can't hear what they say. My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.) and my glasses identify people I meet. Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure. You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature. The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun. You should see all the damage that chlorine has done. Washing my hair has turned it all white, But don't call it grey...saying "blonde" is just right. My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed. Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!" My car has no scratches...not even a dent. Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent." My friends all get older...much faster than me. They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see. I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure, But don't call me old...just call me mature. The steps in the houses they're building today Are so high that they take...your breath all away; And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago. That should explain why my walking is slow. But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new, And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo. I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure, I'm not really old...I'm only mature. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Fearless Women! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fearlesswomen.html Red Panda Cub! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redpandacub.html Earth Seen From The Sky! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earthfromsky.html Bucket List 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist3.html American Wilderness! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wilderness.html Beautiful Artistic Stairs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artisticstairs.html Hiking In China! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html IRONIC Isn't It 2? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony2.html Bolivia's Road Of Death! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bolivia.html Celebrity Caricatures! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/caricatures.html Police Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/policedogs.html A Look At Mars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mars2.html Humor In Politics 12! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics12.html Guoliang Tunnel Road! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html 3D Liquid Floors! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/3dfloors.html Pet Confessions! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petconfessions.html Shifou Mountain Foot Path! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shifou.html 911 and Troops Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html -<>- Saxophone Sasquatch is on the loose! https://www.youtube.com/embed/dITuvTtwZuI Best Scared Cats Compilation 2015 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD_e7T5WCqw Funniest Animals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNEw7X8VD0A -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Sonali (15) and Sardar (20) perform their incredibly unique style of salsa, combining the Latin dance form with Bollywood music. https://youtu.be/n7uMoKwPco4 This Is Your Internet: Take a short break from your day to see a massive dust storm in Australia and more cool and interesting videos. If you have ever been caught in a dust or sand storm then you know how unpleasant an experience it can be. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN6kI78MaxQ --- ...Pretty cool! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Froot Loops cereal has added a new flavor, Wild Berry. People who tried the new flavor say it tastes like 'wild berries, plus sugar, minus wild berries.'" -Conan O'Brien "Disney World announced they are finally serving alcohol at every restaurant in the Magic Kingdom. It's only been a week but I guess Disney is already thinking about changing their slogan. It used to be 'The Happiest Place on Earth.' Now they are considering new slogans, like 'Disney World: Where You Wish Upon a Bar.'" -Jimmy Fallon "This week a California man recorded his wife giving birth, and accidentally live streamed it to the world on Facebook. I've heard of people on Facebook oversharing, but ovary sharing? " -James Corden "It is Fleet Week here in New York City. Over 4,000 service members come to New York City during Fleet Week. So if you see a lot of people happy to be off a giant ship, they're either sailors or they just got off a Carnival Cruise." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new study, there have been more deaths this year from selfie-related incidents than there have been from shark attacks. Good." -Seth Meyers "The electronics company LG identified a new phenomenon called low-battery anxiety. People become nervous, distracted, and frustrated when their phones are about to die. If you are not familiar with low-battery anxiety, it's a real condition that primarily affects people with no actual problems." -James Corden "Most Americans said they still like Facebook, but they don't trust it. So basically, people feel the same way about Facebook as they do about the McRib." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat." -Conan O'Brien "Hasbro has filed to trademark the scent of Play-Doh. Hasbro describes the scent as a 'sweet, slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry, combined with the smell of a salted wheat-based dough.' While kids are describing it as 'delicious.'" -Seth Meyers "No arsenal, nor weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women." - Ronald Reagan >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************