Boy Scout Camp And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _..._ ,s$$$s. .$$$$$$$s$$ss$$$$, $$$sss$$$$s$$$$$$$ $$ss$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ '$$$s$$$$$$$$$$$$' '$$$$$$$$$$$$$$' S$$$$$$$$$$$' '$$$$$$$$$' '$$$$$' '$$$' ; ; ; ', ; ,' ; ', ', ; ' Steven Maddison *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot off the 'Shangy' Press :) These two hot scorchers come from our friend PatDeE. The first one is funny art one. People using their imagination to show off their artistic talent with ordinary food items. A great addition to our series. Check it out here... //////////////////////// ////////////////////////| //////////////////////// | ////////////////////////| | | _\/_ | _\/_ | | | )o(> | <)o( | | | _/ <\ | /> \_ | | | (_____) | (_____) | |_ | ~~~oOo~~~ | ~~~0oO~~~ |/__| _|====\_=====|=====_/====|_ || |_|\_________ O _________/|_||| ||//////////|_|\\\\\\\\\\|| || || || |\_\\ || || ||/|| \\_\\ ||/|| ||/|| \)_\) ||/|| || || \ o / || || || \ / || LGB || || ________ \________/====== / ( || ) \ Playing With Food 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html The second one is one of those shockers you see and hope never happens to you! Be sure to check out the video too. ( )___( ) /__oo \ ( \/ ) | `=/ | / \ / / \ \ / ( \ \ ( ,_/_ \ \ \_ '= \ ) ""' / / ; / /'? : (((( / ctr `._ \ _ ( __| | /_ ("__,.."'_._.) Fun With Nature! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html --- ...Both of these are Deligtfully amusing! Thank You Pat! -<>- *~* We Had An Awesome Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month *~* Be sure to check these out and share them with all your loved ones! Maxine Humor! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/maxinehumor.html Tinian Island! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/tinian.html Life's Little Oops 9! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/whoops9.html Detroit Autorama! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/detroitauto.html Pucker Up, Baby! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/babypucker.html Aww Animals 6! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/animals6.html" Sand Sculpture Art 3! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/sandart3.html Crayola Art! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/crayolaart.html Citrus Festival! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/orangefest.html God's Paintings 2! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/gpaints2.html Auto MotorPlex! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/automotorplex.html Chalk Art 5! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/chalkart5.html Disney Tree Of Life! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/disneytree.html Unique Designer Shoes! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/shoes.html *~* Great Big THANKS And Huggums In Christ To All Our Contributors! ============================================================== Praise The Lord! .-"""-. An elderly lady was (_ _ \ well known for her ____ _ )= `) ) ,"";, faith and for her ()___>===(()====( ( (//``;\\ boldness in talking ||~\__ `) ( ) ;|| about it. She would || `==\--`.-; ;|| stand on her front porch and \\ / |`-._, ;\\ shout "PRAISE THE LORD!" , `---;` / `._`\\ ,/| >~~~~`._ `"` Next door to her lived |(| / ' `""---.....___ an atheist who would (| | '. ' _ . ``\ get so angry at her \ '-. '- . _ / proclamations that he would shout, \ '. - ._`\ "There ain't no Lord!" '. '. '-.. _/ jgs '._ - ._ _/ Hard times set in on the elderly lady `-..__ .-'` and she prayed for God to send her some `"'""` assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD! God I need food. I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries." The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!" The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "HA...HA. I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries. God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and saying, "PRAISE THE LORD!, He not only sent me groceries but HE made the Devil pay for them." PRAISE THE LORD! ================================================================ +----------- Bizarre July Holidays ------------+ July 5 is Workaholics Day July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day July 7 is National Strawberry Sundae Day July 8 is Video Games Day July 9 is National Sugar Cookie Day July 10 is Clerihew Day July 11 is National Cheer Up The Lonely Day July 12 is National Pecan Pie Day July 13 is Fool's Paradise Day July 14 is National Nude Day July 15 is National Tapioca Pudding Day & Respect Canada Day July 16 is International Juggling Day July 17 is National Peach Ice Cream Day July 18 is National Ice Cream Day and National Caviar Day July 19 is Flitch Day July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) | A (§) o________________________________ |$o`"Y888888888 $$ 888888888P"'o$| |."$$o`"Y888888 $$ 888888P"'o$$".| |8bo."$$o`"Y888 $$ 888P"'o$$".od8| |8888bo."$$o`"J $$ P"'o$$".od8888| |8888888bo.$$oj $$ L$$".od8888888| |"""""""""""""" $$ """"""""""""""| |$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$| |=============; $$ :=============| |888888888P"'o| $$ |o`"Y888888888| |888888P"'o$$"j $$ l"$$o`"Y888888| |888P"'o$$".od8 $$ 8bo."$$o`"Y888| |P"'o$$".od8888 $$ 8888bo."$$o`"J| |o$$".od8888888 $$ 8888888bo.$$ojf |""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""' | | Jan Foerster | | >Why did the British wear red coats in battle? During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat." Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?" A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?" In his casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic. And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers!!!!!!!!!!!! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Linda! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) This came around a few years ago, but it is worth seeing again, (especially for parents!). This reminds me of a song by a comedian whose name, I believe, was Sherman. The song started something like this: "Hello Mudda. Hello Fadda. Here I am in Camp Grenada...". Got a big kick out of it. Some of you may also remember it. __ _,-' \ o_ /\ _\ C| SMA /__\_,-' ,; *x* >The Boy Scout Camp Dear Mom & Dad, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down, that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he's a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jesse how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some Scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about us not wearing life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our Scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal file? I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy some more beer. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. --- ...A classic Funny! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- _\|/^ (_oo / I'm gonna be rich! /-|--/ \ | /--i / L L >Financial planning... Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, But in just a few years my father will die and I will inherit $200 million". Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men. --- ...HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) . .' \ .' . .' ...'.` ___.-. .' ...'.' _.---' `..' ...'.' __.---' .' ...'.' .--' .' ...'.'. /` .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `-. / .' ...'.' `. / ` _.-.' ...' `-._____.-' / / .' ...' /` /.'. ...' / .' .`.' \ / .' ...' | \ / /\ .' ...' \ | / / .' ...' / \ | /_/ .' ...' / | | |' `._..' .-------.__________.' .' .'---- .' | | | .' .... | | .' ...'| \ __.' | ___ / \...' \_`------------------._____ ___.---' / .-' | | \__/ `--.__ _.-' /.-' \__/ `------' ' >Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month. If I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims. Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help? Signed, Lost in DC -------------------------------------------------- - Dear Lost: Stop whining, Michelle. You get to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the SOB for two more years! Signed, Abby --- ...LOL! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: {POLITICS] >From the TeaParty.net: Please Sign Petition to Support the Postal Reform Act http://tinyurl.com/44chpb8 -<>- >From the TeaParty.org: Tea Party - Obama Illegal Debt! http://tinyurl.com/3py4uhy -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: Biden Spews Communist Rhetoric at Union Rally http://tinyurl.com/3kf23eo -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Senator: Constitution Doesn't Define Presidential Eligibility http://tinyurl.com/3uv2bbp -<>- >From GrassFire: With Congress moving quickly to raise the debt ceiling, we just told Congress our three demands: "Cut, Cap and Balance!" A strong coalition of grassroots organizations and members of Congress are uniting behind this straightforward solution to runaway government spending and debt. Please join us in signing this petition and have your petition delivered to Congress before the upcoming debt ceiling votes: http://www.grassfire.com/160/petition.asp?PID=31986944&NID=1 -<>- >From BizarreNews Police have apprehended one of the mysterious and dangerous Seattle ninjas when the would-be warrior managed to impale himself on a metal fence earlier this week. Around 11:15 p.m., officers responded to a call from a 41-year-old man who said he had been assaulted. It turns out the older man, who was heavily intoxicated, tried to go into a sports bar. The younger man, who isn't a bar employee, barred the man from going inside--for some reason--and an argument between the two men escalated into a fight. At one point, the men chased each other in the street. In an attempt to get away, the younger man "thought he'd basically be able to jump over this fence, and he didn't quite make it," a police spokesman said. As a police account of the incident notes, "Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities." As police arrived to search for a suspect, one officer heard the 25-year-old's screams and found him stuck on the fence with the metal spike jutting out from his buttock. The man was bleeding profusely. He was taken to Harborview Medical Center. Questioned at the hospital, the man told police he believed he was a ninja. +-- Stolen bag contained no cash --+ BRADENTON, Fla. - Florida police said a man who stole a bag of what he apparently believed to be cash from a Popeye's Chicken manager instead got a bag full of worthless papers. The Manatee County Sheriff's Office said the robber, who was dressed in a black jacket and motorcycle helmet, approached the manager as he was leaving the Bradenton business at about 11:30 p.m. Tuesday and displayed a handgun, The (Sarasota, Fla.) Herald-Tribune reported Thursday. The man demanded the manager give him the bag and deputies said the suspect fled on a scooter. Investigators said there was no cash in the bag, which contained only work-related documents. +-- Woman dents thief's car with cane --+ NEW CASTLE, Pa. - Police in Pennsylvania said two women were unable to stop a purse snatcher but they were able to use a cane to dent his getaway vehicle. Investigators said Jerry Lee Brown Jr., 27, allegedly grabbed a purse from a woman in a parking lot at Neshannock Village in New Castle June 24 and a woman with the victim attempted to strike him with a cane, the New Castle News reported Thursday. Brown escaped in a car with a dark-haired woman and two small children, police said, but the woman accompanying the alleged victim was able to dent the vehicle with her cane. Police said they received a tip the suspects they were seeking may have been Brown and Tatiana Marie Vargas, 21, who were suspects in a similar incident. The pair, and a silver Dodge Stratus with dents police believed to be from the woman's cane, were located Sunday. Brown was charged with two felony counts of robbery, misdemeanor counts of theft and receiving stolen property and a summary count of harassment. Vargas was charged with two felony counts of conspiracy/robbery, misdemeanor counts of conspiracy/theft and conspiracy/receiving stolen property and a summary count of conspiracy/harassment. +-- Deputies sprayed with breast milk --+ BRIDGEWATER, Ohio - Authorities in Ohio, responding to a report of a domestic dispute, said a woman sprayed them with her breast milk while they were attempting to detain her. The Delaware County Sheriff's Office said they were called to the Bridgewater Banquet & Conference Center early Saturday on a report of a domestic dispute and a man there told them he had been attending a wedding with his wife, who he said became drunk and struck him multiple times, WBNS-TV, Columbus, reported Monday. County Sheriff Walter Davis III said the woman, Stephanie Robinette, 30, of Westerville, had locked herself in a car and deputies attempted to coax her out, but she was uncooperative. "When deputies attempted to remove Robinette from the vehicle, she advised the deputies that she was a breast-feeding mother and proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk," Davis said. Davis said Robinette was arrested and charged with domestic violence, assault, obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. +-- Olympic hopeful sells tattoo space on body --+ GOLD COAST, Australia - An Australian beach volleyball player says she is selling ad space on her body to help her attempt to make it into next year's Olympic Games in London. Claire Kelly said she is selling tattoo space on her body for $10,400 to $52,000 so she and her partner, Carla Kleverlaan, can join the beach volleyball world pro tour and play the required 12 events to qualify for the Olympics, Melbourne's Herald Sun reported Monday. "It's taken me months to get the courage to do this and now I'm going through with it," Kelly said. "I was thinking, 'Tattoo my body with a business logo just so I can have a chance to play for my country at the Olympics? I'm crazy'! "This is my dream and it seems crazy not to try to do something to realize the dream. We need to head off on the world tour before the end of July. We need financial backing, so I can't let fear stop me," she said. Kelly said she is not concerned about potential criticism of her moneymaking scheme. "The tattoos mean much more than just the money or the business," she said. "The tattoos signify having the courage to have a crack at something bigger, having the guts to at least try." =============================================================== >-->From TheMoutPiece: .,., _zz____ (((((()) zz ZZ| | ((('_ _`) ' | Beep! | Z ((G \ |) |_ ____| (((` ~ , |/ .((\.:~: .----------- __.| `"'.__ | \ .~~ `---' ~. | . / ` | `-.____ | ~ | : | | : | _ | \ ~~-. | , `_ ( \) _____/~~~~ `--___ | ~`-) ) `-. `--- ( | '///` | `-. | | | | `-. | | | | `-. | | |\ | | | | \| `-. | | | `-| ' - a:f - >If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work 10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the whiteout. You probably got here just in time!" 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 3. "The coffee machine is broken..." 2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..." And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk. 1. " ...... AMEN!" -<>- _ (\ \) o__^\/ , \ ' \ < _ _ ' ' . `| \____\ - - ' . . () | ) _ _ `.' `.' .//---_/-_/ _ _ (\ (\_\^^__o . `-'\ ` / `( | \_____| | | _ ./`,----./~| . . . - () >26 reasons why men have 2 dogs and not 2 wives: 1 The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. 3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. 4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 6. A dog's parents never visit. 7. Dogs do not hate their bodies. 8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk. 10. Dogs seldom outlive you. 11. Dogs can't talk. 12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. 13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. 14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 15. Another man will seldom steal your dog. 16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" 17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. 19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car. 20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting. 21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater. 22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. 23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep. 24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck. 25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus. 26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff. -<>- .-. __/ ( , '-.____\ u=='/ \ /_/ \ .-'' | ( ____/_____ _>_/.-------- \/// // snd // If you need a laugh, read through these Children's Science Exam Answers. These are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get inter- continental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.go., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts--- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. ============================================================== >-->[An Et-Ahem!] From our Friend PatDeE: ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` Sad tale Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." --- ...Oh My! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. "Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector. "Yes, that was it!" "You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!" "Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther." -<>- My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping trip. One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his food. "What kind of bear is that?" I asked. "It's called a Kodiak," Scott replied. "Oh, yeah?" my husband Keith shot back. "And I suppose those white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids." -<>- ,-. O / `. <\/ `. |* `. / \ `. / / `>')3s, --------. ,' apc / 7 The summer after college graduation, I was living at home, fishing in the daytime, spending nights with my friends-generally just hanging out. One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to college, stopped by. Concerned with how I was spending my time, he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to tie myself down to a career. "Well," he replied, "you better start thinking about it. You'll be thirty before you know it." "But I'm closer to twenty than to thirty," I protested. "I won't be thirty for eight more years." "I see," he said, smiling. "And when will you be twenty again?" -<>- Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read, "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub." ================================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: __ __ .--. ( ""--__( ""-_ ,' .-.\ * "-_ __ ""--__ "-_( (^_^)) / ( """--___""--__" )-'( / "-__ ""---/ ,(., )__o-/, """----___(.'. /--"--' ("-_"/( / \ \ \ `. \ | \ \/ || \ ,-'/`. \ ) / ) \ Ojo '98 |/ `-.\ `\ >The Tooth Fairy I was playing tooth fairy when my daughter, Marina, suddenly woke up. Seeing the money in my hand, she cried out, "I caught you!" I froze and tried to think of an explanation for why I, instead of the tooth fairy, was putting the money under her pillow but her next words let me off the hook. "You put that money back!" she said indignantly. "The tooth fairy left that for me!" -<>- A theologian at a well known seminary was teaching a class on church growth. Recognizing his responsibility to the budding young pastors in his charge, he decided to write to several dozen pastors of the fastest growing churches in the country. He asked them to provide him with some suggestions and examples of what they were doing, so he could pick out the best ideas and pass them along in the class. There were many great suggestions, but the best came as a surprise. The pastor had simply photocopied ACTS Chapter 2 and sent it in. -- Brad Henson, Lead Pastor Four Rivers Church, Paducah, KY. -<>- _ ///-._ ////////-._ /////////////-. ////////////////`. //////////////// .'`. //////////////// . '.'`. '|`'//////////// . .'.::|` : `'/////// . '.':| | . . `'// ' _|- ::| |. .-._ . | . | .':: | |:|:| | ' ' '.::| | |:|:| :. . .'.':| | . |:|:| . | .._.::: : `':| | ' ////-:| |. . | '/////////-._ | . . : .//////////////-._ : : ///////////////////-._ |. |////////////////////////-._ | . . :`'//////////////////////////-._ | . _.-\\\\``'//////////////////////////-._ | /\\\\\\\\..``'//////////////////////////". : . . /. \\\\\\\\\. .``'///////////////////// .'`. : / _ \\\\\\\\\. ``'//////////////// . .'`. | . / (@) \\\\\\\\\. . . ``'/////////// . '.'::|. {`)._ '| _` .\\\\\\\-`:|#| . . ``'////// '. .'.:| `-{_/`| ||::. \\'`.:|:.|#| |#| . ``'/ ' .##:'::: `-| ||||| |`.'::|::|#| |#| |#| . . '| . .|##|'.:| pils | ||||| : .'::|:.'#| |#| |#| |#| | |##|'::| | ||||| .| .'.:|::.'' '#| |#| |#| . : ' |##|'.:| {`\:|||| : .'::|:_.:. . '#| |#| | .|##|'::: `-{_/'|_ |_.-'/}_/'-._ '#| :. |##:'.:| `'{._('}_)-' `-}_}(-._ . . | ' '` .'::| `-' `-.} /-._ . : .'.'_:-'\ `-}_}(-._ | . _.-')_(-' `-/_)`-.:.-{ \{-' `-{_'_)-'' ^ >Sermon Fodder's Ultimate Pastor Bloopers PART IIX Reading from What? I am reminded of a time when I read Scripture publicly at my pastor's ordination service. Normally, we're accustomed to, "Let us read together the Word of the Lord". I spoke eloquently, "Please join me in reading the Lord of the Word". --- Justin I. Tsui Cordless Adventure When cordless mics were just coming into common use, a pastor friend became very fond of his new cordless microphone penned to his lapel. One day, during the music service he quietly slipped off the stage to go to the restroom. He was not yet aware of the need to turn off the mic when he didn't want to be heard. The audio guy was busy watching the musicians on stage and didn't notice the pastor had slipped away. What transpired next was probably the strangest sermon he ever preached. Just as the pastor finished his business in the restroom and pushed the lever to flush there was a pause between songs. It took a few seconds for everyone to figure out what was causing the strange noise. Returning to the podium moments later, the pastor couldn't understand why his congregation was laughing uproarously. -- Mike Burleson The Video Game Parable In a quiet evening service a number of younger teenagers arrived unexpectedly. I was preaching on the little boy who gave his loaves and fish for Jesus to use. Trying to be more relevant I asked them to imagine that his mum had packed him this picnic of bread and fish. Just think I said He was on that hillside all day long probably looking after sheep. What did he do? I was trying to point out that there were no game machines. I was struggling to think of Playstation or a Gameboy. And I came out with "Just think all day long without any PLAYBOY!!! " The teens will never let me forget that parable. ---Revd Robert Amos Applause Offering of Praise Years ago. I was Assistant Pastor for a church in Eastern Tennessee. The pastor one morning announced during offering time, "Church. we need to be more cheerful in our giving. From this date forward. let us start a new tradition for ourselves by having a "applause offering of praise" before receiving our money offerings. The youth in our church really liked this and it became a time of good cheer and celebration. My six year old daughter grooved with the rest of the church by giving enthusiastic applause, even though she did not really understand. This was well and good until I had an invitation to speak in a larger church on our district. The Pastor rose to say, "It is good to have Pastor Isbill with us today. This night's offering will be a love offering to him." Whereupon my daughter clapped with joyful vigor --- all by herself! I had to do some explaining. ---Walter Isbill Squeeze What? In my first pastorate I was trying to make a point that whatever comes out of you when you are squeezed by the issues of life is what is in you. If anger comes out when you are "squeezed" it is because anger is inside of you. I tried to use the illustration about a lemon. I asked, "What do you get when you squeeze a woman, I mean a lemon." I knew I had made a mistake in wording, but I didn't know what I had said. The congregation chuckled, and a college age young man almost fell out of his pew laughing. I had to wait until I got home to ask my wife, "What did I say that was so funny?" -- Mike Langford. Shortened Sermon On Mother's Day I reached under the pulpit to grab a drink of water but instead knocked it over. I said as I reached over to pick up the glass, "It looks like it is going to be a short sermon today, I just dropped my water and wet myself." Wouldn't try what? One Sunday evening had a guest speaker from the sheriff's department to talk to parents regarding the use of drugs among children. I struggled to find the right words to conclude the service. I started recalling an experience I had had as a youth. I said, "the problem with drug use really hit home with me a couple years ago when my date left me because I wouldn't try anything with her." (I meant drugs but I was ribbed about it for months). --Steve Osborne <{{{>< ------------ "We do two shows a night for five weeks. A lotta times we'll go upstairs and sing until daylight - gospel songs. We grew up with it...It more or less puts your mind at ease. It does mine. I know practically every religious song that's ever been written." -- Elvis Presley ========================================== __________________________________________________ ____.-"":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":"-. (___:===='==='==='==='==='==='==='=A ' ' ' ' ' ' ) jgs `'-._92____94____96____8__|_100____2_____4_____6_____8.-` >How A Thermometer Becomes A Thermostat - October 10, 2002 It was very cold in our house. I was the first one awake that morning, and as I scampered through our personal Arctic I checked the thermometer. It said 50 degrees.. I called Mr. Furnace to come. In the meantime, I turned on the kitchen stove, I opened the door, and I sat in front of it to have some personal spiritual time. My kids told me that with my eyes closed it looked like I was praying to the stove! Well, Mr. Furnace came and finally figured it out. See, the problem was the thermostat, not the thermometer - that just reflected the temperature. It was the thermostat, which, of course, controls the temperature! The fact is, you may be a thermometer - or you're a thermostat. Thermometer people tend to reflect the temperature of the people around them. "If you're hot, I'm hot. If you're cool, I'm cool. If you're nice, I'm nice. If you yell, I yell." Thermometer. What most of us would like to be is a thermostat - someone who controls the temperature in our situation. Your family sure needs for you to be a thermostat; if everyone's a thermometer, it's chaos there. The people you work with, your friends - they need someone who is under control, who doesn't go off with the stress, who's steady and caring and peaceful. Those thermostat people are rare - and valuable. My friend Mark runs a rapidly growing, highly-pressurized company that services some of America's largest corporations. In the heat of battle one day, one of Mark's execs came in and said, "Man, how do you handle all this pressure?" Well, Mark is like the eye of a hurricane - a center of calm in a swirling storm. Actually, Mark explained his thermostatic peace in one word. "Jesus." Our word for today from the Word of God comes from the words of Jesus Himself in John 14:27. He is talking to His closest friends on the most stressful night of His life, just before His arrest and execution. And it's on the eve of what is about to be the most stressful chapter in their lives. If stressful is a fair description of your life right now, these words from Jesus are for you, too. Here's what He says. "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." I'm sure I don't have to make a list of the uncertainties in our world that could make any of our hearts "troubled" or "afraid" right now. And you probably have a pretty impressive list of your own. But in the midst of combat conditions, Jesus says, "I give you My peace - like nothing, like no one on earth can give you." A love-relationship with the Son of God is the secret of my friend Mark's peace under pressure. It's a peace that I have experienced over and over again ... from hospital rooms, to gravesides, to doctor's offices, to airplanes in trouble, to out-of-control weeks. The anchor is that relationship with Jesus Christ. And when you know you belong to Him, you can be a thermostat instead of a thermometer because you know you have an identity and a security that is rooted in something that you can't lose. The freedom of knowing that whatever's at stake in this situation isn't all there is - you're anchored to Jesus Christ, His unloseable love, and His unstoppable plans. It's the relationship you were made for, that you've been missing because your sin has cut you off from your Creator. It's the relationship that Jesus died to give you by paying for your sin on His cross. If you're ready to let Jesus bring peace to that storm inside you, tell Him you are trusting Him to be your Savior from your sin. And I'd like to send you the booklet I wrote about beginning this relationship called "Yours For Life." I will if you'll call or write and tell me you want it. Jesus makes a thermometer person into a thermostat - who has His inner power to set a whole new temperature. And He's waiting for your invitation. -<>- _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe >Unlocked From The Outside [edited] I've had a lot of friends in law enforcement.. And I've even had the opportunity to ride in the front seat with a police officer. But the experience I had recently had a totally different feel to it. I was speaking at a large youth festival, and I had to get across this festival's grounds quickly to my next speaking venue. Two police officers working security said, "Hey, hop in our squad car - we'll take you over there." Well, I jumped into the back seat of the police car and I quickly realized that I had never experienced a little of what it feels like to be on the custody end of things like that. There was this wall between me and the officers in the front seat. And when we arrived at our destination, I tried in vain to open my door. No way. My officer friend had a good laugh at this as he said, "Ron, there's no way you can get yourself out of there. You see, somebody has to let you out." I've decided I am not excited about being in the prisoner seat any more. "There's no way you can get yourself out of there." That's a feeling many of us have experienced, without ever being physically locked up. It's like there are these hurtful emotional and spiritual cycles that we just can't seem to get ourselves out of. Maybe you know what it is to be trapped in a cycle of destructive behavior, or of damaged relationships, or maybe you've been in a cycle of guilt and shame over repeated mistakes, or a cycle of slavery to a behavior you just can't seem to change, or even a cycle of unfulfillment, where one experience after another fails to give you the peace and the meaning you've always hoped for. There are no bars, no prison walls, but we know the feeling of being locked up in a way of living we can't get out of. Just like a prisoner in a cell - or me in the prisoner seat of a police car - somebody has to let you out. And for 2,000 years, "the" Somebody has been doing that for millions of us spiritual prisoners. In fact, in Isaiah 61:1, our word for today from the Word of God, "The Lord has ... sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners." Jesus understands the powerful force that ultimately keeps us locked up in our destructive cycles. He said, "Whoever commits sin is a slave to sin." (John 8:34) Sin is simply our hijacking of our life from the God who was supposed to run it. And because we're away from our Creator, we're trapped in this self-run orbit where life just doesn't work right. It took the coming - and the dying - of the Son of God to break the enslaving power of sin. By taking the death penalty for what we've done, Jesus has the power, not only to save us from our own hurtful ways, but to save us from the eternal penitentiary the Bible calls hell. He's come from the outside to let you out, to set you free. But He waits for your invitation to do that - your invitation to Him to come into your life, forgive every sin, and change you from the inside out. That glorious freedom that so many have experienced you can experience, beginning this very day. It begins when you tell Jesus, "I'm Yours." If you've never really opened up your life to Him to do what only He can do - and you want to - I want to send you mmy booklet, "Yours For Life", that I wrote about this new beginning. Just let me know that you want it. Jesus has been setting prisoners free for a long, long time. This could be your day to finally be able to say - "Free at last, free at last - thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!" Today's Daily Wisdom is written by Ron Hutchcraft, based on his popular radio broadcast, "A Word With You" which can be found at: http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/awwy/awwymenu.htm Copyright 2000 Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc. PO Box 400, Harrison AR 72602 -- By way of Daily Wisdom To subscribe, mailto:dw-subscribe@lists.gospelcom.net --- ...Rom.10: [9] That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. Say out loud - 'Jesus Christ is MY LORD' while believing in your heart of hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead. Then you are saved. [10] For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. ================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Who Is Jesus Chirst? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/whoisjesus.html Our Valuable Anchor http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html Notes To God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html Dirty Car Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carart.html Trash Shadow Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shadowart.html Awesome Bikes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Best Bed Positions http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bed.html Empire State Building http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html Extreme Camping http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Koala Twins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalatwins.html -<>- >From Our Friend Trish :) http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=2942069637825&source=jl999 Patriotic Hugs Trish --- ...Awesome! Huggums right back at ya! Thanks Trish! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE: REMEMBER NADIA COMANECCI? SHE WAS A ROMANIAN ATHLETE WHO WAS 14 YEARS OLD IN THE 1960's, WON MEDALS IN THE OLYMPICS AND ATTENDED COMPETITIONS HOLDING HER TEDDY BEAR? WELL, THIS IS HER GRANDDAUGHTER. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dqz3cUcSmhE --- ...Wow! Stunning Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From TheMouth: GORP CAMPING Nature lovers and adventurers will love this site, which is essentially an online encyclopedia for outdoor activities. It features loads of information on adventure travel, national parks, and natural attractions. http://www.gorp.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Funny Stuff http://www.buffaloschips.com/sadfswa.htm German Coast Guard http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsafe.htm Gun Control http://www.buffaloschips.com/4r4n.htm How Aliens Fish http://www.buffaloschips.com/34r43r.htm Idiot 1 http://www.buffaloschips.com/5y5g3g.htm Change http://www.buffaloschips.com/md,s,mf.htm Chas and Camilla Coin http://www.buffaloschips.com/mvmv.htm Chase http://www.buffaloschips.com/utyty.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "North Korea has shut down all of its universities for 10 months so students can work in factories. Or, as they call it in North Korea, 'spring break.'" -Conan O'Brien "We're celebrating our independence from the British. I hope that in a couple years, we'll be able to celebrate our independence from the Chinese." -David Letterman "They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns." -Craig Ferguson "Experts say that because of higher gas prices, fewer families will travel this weekend. That's a shame. I can't imagine growing up without an 18-hour ride through the desert with my father who's too cheap to turn the air conditioning on." -Jimmy Kimmel "Apparently, a pipe with marijuana in it was found buried in Shakespeare's garden. If they dig up Shakespeare and he's buried in a tie-dye shirt with a pint of Chunky Monkey, we'll know it's true." -Craig Ferguson "Health experts are now concerned that this bad economy may be causing Americans to gain weight. They call it recession pounds. You put on recession pounds during economic hardship. So guys, if your wife or girlfriend says, 'Do these pants make me look like we're in a recession?' be careful what you say." --Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************