Bumper Stickers, Ctrl-Alt-Del And More... :) Shangy!
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"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
________ _________
\________\--------___ ___ ____----------/_________/
\_______\----\\\\\\ //_ _ \\ //////-------/________/
\______\----\\|| (( ~|~ ))) ||//------/________/
\_____\---\\ ((\ = / ))) //----/_____/
\____\--\_))) \ _)))---/____/
\__/ ((( (((_/
Andrew Fabbro | -))) - ))
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This red hot new page is from our friends Fran, SharonA,
RichardF and Geniann. It is sure to give you some much
needed smiles during these stressful times. Check it out
here...
I am not a crook!
\
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;;\ // x x /;;;
\ \ | _\ / /
\ \ \ o / / /
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\ \/ /
| /\ |
| |//||
| \/ |
.--'-----'-----.
/| |
/ | |
| | ,d888b, |
| | J8888888L | :F_P:
| | 888888888 |
Humor In Politics 16!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics16.html
---
...HaHa! Many are so spot on! Thanks my friends!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
%%%%%%
%%%\__/%
%%%%"""%
%%c ^\^%
%\ _=/ .
_.'_( .::
.'`\ `._ _ _..;:::'
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Y\__\\
When Abe returned home from work, his wife Ruth said, "So how was
your day?"
He replied, "I met an artist and I've never met someone so
talented. He said he painted a picture of a cobweb on his wall
and it looked so real, the maid tried for over an hour to get it
off.
Ruth said, "I don't believe him."
"Why not?" said Abe, "some artists are very good indeed."
"Maybe," said Ruth, "But maids aren't."
-<>-
>You Might Be from a Small Town If ...
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2. You know what 4-H is.
3. You ever went to a party at a pasture or barn or in the middle
of a dirt road.
4. You used to drag "Main."
5. You said a swear word and your parents knew within the hour.
6. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
7. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
8. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
9. You don't give directions by street names but by references
(turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east of Anderson's, and
it's four houses left of the track field).
10. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you
will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
11. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty," but
is actually just like your town.
12. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1950 as the
"rich people."
13. The people in the city dress funny, and then you pick up on
the trend two years later.
14. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your
truck for your birthday.
15. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or
the feed store.
16. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through
town.
17. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to
get stronger.
18. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.
19. The city council meets at the coffee shop.
20. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
21. Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
22. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and five people pull
over and ask if you need a ride.
23. Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.
24. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
25. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.
26. So is the closest mall.
27. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a
riding lawn mower.
28. You laugh like crazy reading this because you know these are
all true, and then you forward this to everyone in your town
(because you know them all)!
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
September 25 is National Comic Book Day
September 26 is Johnny Appleseed Day
September 27 is Crush a Can Day
September 28 is Ask a Stupid Question Day and National Good
Neighbor Day
September 29 is Confucius Day - Try your luck. Get a Fortune Cookie.
September 30 is National Mud Pack Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
___
(___)
/` `\
/ /"\ \
\_/o o\_/
( _ )
`\ /`
/\\V//\
/ /_ _\ \
\ \___/ /
\/===\/
|| ||
|| ||
||___||
|_____|
jgs |||
/ Y \
`"`"`
>Old Age Home
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine
whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a
bed near the window?"
-<>-
>Long and Happy Marriage
On their 30th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason
for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried
never to be selfish. After all, there is no "I" in 'marriage.'"
The wife said, "And for my part, I have never corrected my
husband's spelling."
-<>-
>Old Friends
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had
a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling
about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his
new apartment. "I have a wife and three children and I'd love to
have you visit us."
"Great. Where do you live?"
"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the
apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open
with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your
left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the
hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell
with your right elbow and I'll let you in."
"Good. But tell me ... what is all this business of kicking the
front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then
my left elbow?"
"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."
-<>-
>Recipe Modification
Having raised a large family, my mother cooked everything in
battalion-size batches. So when my newly married brother requested
her chop-suey recipe, she experimented for two weeks with the
ingredients in order to cut the dish down for the honeymooners.
"Thanks for the recipe, Mom," he wrote home. "The first thing we
did was triple it so we would have plenty of leftovers!"
-<>-
>Never a Good Golfer
I was never a good golfer, but at least I used to play a couple
times a month. That was before I bought the boat, four long summers
ago. I haven't been on a course since. Well, up until last
Saturday.
Say, a hundred strokes for eighteen holes is bad. If you're in the
nineties you're an amateur. If you're in the eighties you're good.
Seventies and you have a shot at the pros. When you're in the
sixties you're Tiger Woods. I shot a hundred and forty. That is
just about the stroke limit on every single hole.
It was like being on a nature walk, stomping through the woods,
digging around in the weeds and the flower beds. I almost killed
a guy on hole nine when I hammered a drive off the tee that hooked
so bad it shot across the tee box of the opposite hole!
I think next time I am going to go to the pro shop, buy two
sleeves of balls, walk out to the water hazard on the first hole
and just throw them in. Then I can spend the next four hours
communing with nature. At least I'm good at that.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
__.............__
.--""``` ```""--.
':--..___ ___..--:'
\ ```"""""""``` /
.-` ___.....-----.....___ '-.
.:-""`` ~ ~ ``""-:.
/`-..___ ~ ~ ~___..-'\
/ ~ '`""---.........---""` \
; ;
; '::. ' ~ .:' _. ;
| '::: ' .:' ~ |
|~ .:' . _ ':. |
| .:' ':.~ |
| ':. . ~ . _ .: |
; '::. _ /|| .;' ;
; ': ( } \||D ;
\.:'.:':. | /\__,=_[_] /
\ ':. ~ |_\__ |----| ` /
'. '::.. _ | |/ |--. |_ ~ .'
'-._':' | /_ | | `'-_.-'
jgs (``''--..._____...--''``)
`"--...__ __...--"`
>SMILES
The class assignment in composition was to write about something
unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up
to read his.
"Papa fell in the well last week - " he began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right
now?"
"He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help
yesterday."
----------
Our 10-year-old Mattie having a conversation with her grandmother
while eating breakfast:
Mattie: Nanna, I'm a fat old man.
Grandmother: Mattie! What did you say?
Mattie: I'm a fat old man.
Grandmother: Now Mattie why would you say something like that?
Mattie: Well, everybody says I look just like my daddy.
----------
I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull.
I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't
even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for
that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He told me the
bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he
gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, ALL my cows!
He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's
cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the vet gave him... but they
kind of taste like peppermint.
----------
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady.
"What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.
The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've
learned to put your hand in front of your mouth."
"Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth?"
----------
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a town he planned to visit
on his holiday.
He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is
well-groomed and very well-behaved. Would you be willing to permit
me to keep him in my room with me at night?
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote: Sir, I've
been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've
never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures
off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the
night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run
out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here,
too.
----------
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day
they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so
that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy
asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied,
"Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."
The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that
same boat today!?!?"
----------
|`-._
.-' `-.-;"\.
.--------------------------------..-.. _ .-'\ | /o\ | \\\
|\ ________________________________\\ \\\/ \\ | | ///\
| | __ __ _ __ __ _ __ __ __ ||-||| '. \/ //////|
| | |__|__/_\ |__|__|_| |__|__|__| || ||| ///////|
| | |__|__)__) |__|_| __.--|__| ||_||| . ////////|
| | |__|__|_/ |__|__ _ |__|--'__ | . || \'..'/////////
| | |__| |__|__|_| |__|__|__| |( )|| `--`///////;
\| | ' ||---. ,,,////////////
jgs'---------------------------------'---' `.//////////////'
```=///////='
>Bumper Stickers
* If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You
* Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!
* HANG UP AND DRIVE!
* Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!
* Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?
* This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
* If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
* This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates
* Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
* Honk If Anything Falls Off
* I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up In The Cloud!
----------
A study by a Canadian anthropologist demonstrated that 97 percent
of women shut their eyes during a kiss but only 37 percent of men
did. The late actor Anthony Quinn claimed that men got into that
habit centuries ago, when many men began kissing with their eyes
wide open to make sure their wives were not around to catch them.
----------
People always say, "He died penniless," as if it's a terrible
thing. Sounds like good timing to me.
----------
I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and
ordered coffee.
I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that
I could drink the cool coffee quickly.
At the window, There was a delay.
Finally, a teen-aged blonde girl came to the window.
Looking frustrated, "I'm having a problem," she announced. . .
"The ice keeps melting."
----------
>As I get older, I realize:
#1 - I talk to myself, because there are times I need expert advice.
#2 - I consider "On Trend" to be the clothes that still fit.
#3 - I don't need anger management. I need people to stop P-ing
me off.
#4 - My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots
that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that
down. I'll remember it."
#6 - I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus.
#7 - These days, "on time" is when I get there.
#8 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the
sound.
#9 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer
for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes
smaller?
#10 - Lately, I've noticed people my age are so much older than me.
#11 - "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering
why I'm there.
#12 - When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now
it feels like a mini vacation.
#13 - Some days I have no idea what I'm doing out of bed.
#14 - I thought growing old would take longer.
#15 - Aging sure has slowed me down, but it hasn't shut me up.
#16 - I still haven't learned to act my age.
------------
A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York
to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing
his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says,
“Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”
The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds
later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to
calm down.
Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting
his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs
immediately. A half hour later she returns to see him shaking
uncontrollably, and almost in tears.
“My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone
so afraid to fly.”
“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man.
“Then what’s the matter?
“I’m trying to give up drinking.”
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
.---.
/ \
| - - |
(| ' ' |)
| (_) |
`//=\\'
(((()))
)))((
(())))
))((
(()
jgs ))
(
>Things To Think About...
Ctrl-Alt-Del
Just as the Ctrl-Alt-Del keys are used to interrupt the operation
of a malfunctioning program on your computer, sometimes, we too,
need to interrupt our mind by exercising Ctrl-Alt-Del.
Ctrl (Control):
Take control of your life, take 100% responsibility and clearly
understand what you want.
(Something Obama and Hillary could never do)
Alt (Alternate): Look for alternatives to get different results.
See things with a different perspective.
(Something the Dimms and Hillary can not do)
Del (Delete): Delete all negativity in your life including
attitudes and habits that are not working for you.
Real Change
From all that happens, there is usually a lot of learning from
which we can take important lessons. But sometimes we find
ourselves making the same mistakes again and again. So although
we have understood we are not able to bring about real change.
Once we realize and learn from a mistake that has happened, we
need to spend some time in understanding it even further. We
need to ensure we don't ever repeat the same mistake. This will
enable us to bring about real change.
(See Hillary's new book to know what NOT to do)
The Creations Of The Mind
Scientists have learned a lot about our physical functioning, but
most admit that what actually keeps a human being alive is a
mystery not completely solved. Rising above being just a product
of chemical and electrical activity in the brain, as believed by
many of us, spirituality orients me and trains me to come close to
my real self, my spiritual self. Before I was a stranger to my own
self, unaware of what is going inside my consciousness and distant
from my own self. The first step in coming close to myself is
that I learn to use the energy of my mind in the most effective
way possible. For this, I decide to find a place where, each day,
I can sit for a few minutes without interruptions, in order to focus
on the self and explore the inner world of the creations of the
mind - my thoughts, feelings, attitudes and emotions.
(Hillary hasn't been able to master this as evidence by her new
book "What Happened?")
There has been a lot of conflicting views in the world about what
the mind is and how it works. In the teachings of meditation by the
Brahma Kumaris, the mind, which gives rise to my thoughts,
feelings, attitudes and emotions, is seen as a faculty of the soul,
not the body. It is rather like the difference between a television
set and the movies seen on that set. The movies originate in the
minds of the directors, not in the television set itself. The
television set is just a medium for displaying the movies. So it
is with all these four creations (thoughts, feelings, attitudes and
emotions). These originate in the non-physical consciousness and not
in the physical brain. The brain is just a processor of them and the
body is a medium via which all four are displayed or brought onto
expressions, physical gestures, words and actions. When I realize
this, and really understand this difference, it very empowering. I
am then able to use the power of discrimination to make choices
between thoughts, feelings, attitudes and emotions that are useful
and empowering for myself and others, and those that bring me down.
(Speaking of which, Decide NOT to read Hillary's new book.)
Soul Sustenance - Choosing Peace Over Anger
Making the choice of peace is a simple choice, which lies in the
hands of each one of us, at every moment right through the day,
every day. A lot of people would choose a world, the world out
there, made of peace but spend most of their time remaining peaceless
in their own inner world, and then in their next door world, I.e. In
their personal interactions. A lot of us would prefer a life of peace
and we try to shape up such a life, only to be influenced by the old
belief about how it’s absolutely fine to get angry once in a while,
without which it’s difficult to get things done. We also get
influenced by those people around us who continue to get angry for
the shallowest of reasons. These people could be either at home, at
the workplace, in the friend circle, the world at large or people
who do not matter too much to us but whom we encounter every day -
at the vegetable market, on the highway, or even in the movies for
that matter! Unaware of the root causes of their anger, all these
people around us will find a thousand ways to justify it, and will
keep continuing with the habit in their lives. Their emotional
un-clarity is so deep and addiction to the emotion of anger is so
powerful that they will probably laugh at the idea that anger is a
negative emotion and is form of weakness or suffering. They
will, on the other hand, say that peace is timidity and a form of
weakness or suffering. So, if you do choose peace over anger in your
life then you are also choosing to be in a state of power and
becoming free from suffering as a result. However, after having made
that choice, to experience it in every moment of your life, it is
necessary to rediscover where your peace is located inside you, it’s
true nature or essence, how to access it through meditation and
finally how to use it or apply it in your daily life.
---
...Sure - hold it all in - one day you will be the 'peaceful'
ticking time bomb no one knew was ready to explode. Even God's son
Jesus Christ got angry - yet He did not let it seep and consume him.
He did as the bible teaches us to do...
Eph.4:
[31] Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and
evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
But IF you do get angry -
Eph.4:
[26] Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your
wrath:
Message for the day
To bring newness into actions means to contribute for the betterment
of the self and others.
Projection: There is a constant desire to do something better that
makes a contribution to oneself and to others too. So the one who
thinks of newness can bring about such a contribution. There will
not be something different that can be done. But the same thing can
be done in such a way that there is benefit visible.
Solution: When I am able to bring newness in the way I do things,
I am able to experience constant progress. There will also be the
satisfaction of bringing about newness and creativity even in
ordinary actions. Along with this will also be the satisfaction of
making a contribution in every action of mine.
---
...Lots to think about here! Thanks Linda!
I do like the tried and true ways as well as learning new things.
That's why we study the bible - to reinforce the things we have
learned and to discover new things in God's Word we were unaware
of before so we can aspire to renewing our mind to His Word...
Eph.4:
[24] And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created
in righteousness and true holiness.
Col.3
[10] And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge
after the image of him that created him:
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
President Trump Defines American Leadership
At the 72nd United Nations General Assembly this week, the
President delivered a message of putting each countries'
citizens first and joining together to combat common
challenges. The President met with leaders across the globe
as he reaffirmed America's strong bonds with our allies and
discussed how we can work together toward promoting peace
and prosperity and uphold sovereignty and accountability.
http://tinyurl.com/ya6ywlfq
Trump Addresses National Anthem Protests — And Gets Explicit
http://tinyurl.com/y6vsgvp6
Communist China Reveals Colonization Plan
http://tinyurl.com/y73fc3mh
Samantha Power sought to unmask Americans on almost daily basis,
sources say
http://tinyurl.com/yaxw4pqe
From Emergency News - Product Alerts and Recalls:
http://tinyurl.com/yc2wes3k
ABC/NBC Smear Trump, Claim Racially Coded Rhetoric on Kneeling
Since Friday, the liberal media had been foaming at the mouth
after President Trump made a series of comments arguing that
athletes who disrespected the American flag by kneeling should
be either fired or suspended. Come Sunday, two of the Big Three
Networks (ABC and NBC) were eager to smear the President with
claims of racism and assertions that he on the wrong side of
the issue.
http://em.mrc.org/o00DL00gH00iqR086SBKdY0
Stelter: The Racism in Trump Kneeling Comments ‘Unmistakable’
http://em.mrc.org/ifHR0LBiqCY00K0006d0S08
Barkley Slams ‘Ignorant Folks in Alabama’ for Applauding Trump
http://em.mrc.org/AH0h08RB00LKiqd00Y0E06S
Trump's EXPOSES McCain's Intentions
http://tinyurl.com/yafot2la
From AEP: 700+ workers help Florida restore power
http://tinyurl.com/ya9btefn
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A groom in the United Kingdom thought his bride was very
generous when she offered to arrange his bachelor party.
However, the deceitful woman had other plans as she ran
away with money and called off the wedding.
Chris Mahone, 27, and his friends were excited to travel
to Ibiza, Spain, to celebrate his bachelor party.
The group of 29 friends paid a total of 13,200 British
pounds (about $17,500) for the airline tickets and hotel
rooms. However, when the group arrived at the Leeds-
Bradford airport, they learned that they had been conned
by the bride, 29-year-old Rachel Doran. Doran had given
the men documents, which appeared to be from a tour
company, but they turned out to be fake.
After learning that their tickets were never paid for, the
groom called the hotel, where they were supposed to stay,
and he learned that the rooms were never booked either.
When Mahone tried calling his fiancee for an explanation,
she had vanished from the home they shared, and she went
into hiding.
Since some of the men had taken time off from work, they
decided to go ahead with their planned trip despite losing
their money to Doran's scam.
However, the brokenhearted groom was not in the mood of
going on a trip. He went home to file a police report
against Doran.
Mahone posted a message on Facebook, in which he apologized
to his friends. "I totally want to apologize to all my
fantastic mates who were going to celebrate what was
supposed to be my stag do. I can't apologize enough. I'm
sorry boys, I really am."
*--------- Around the World in 78 Days ---------*
A British cyclist set a new world record by biking around
the world in less than 80 days. Ultra-endurance cyclist Mark
Beaumont rode his bicycle 18,000 miles, across 16 different
countries in 78 days, 14 hours and 40 minutes to set the
Guinness World Record for fastest circumnavigation by
bicycle. "This has been, without doubt, the most punishing
challenge I have ever put my body and mind through,"
Beaumont said. He began the journey in France on July 2 and
made his way through frigid sub-zero winters in Australia
and New Zealand and the possibility of lingering bad weather
in the United States from Hurricane Irma before ending the
feat by rolling through the Arc de Triomphe in Paris.
Beaumont broke the previous world record of 123 days and 43
minutes held by Andrew Nicholson from New Zealand, on the
path he dubbed the "Artemis World Cycle." During the journey
he also broke a world records for the farthest distance
cycled in one month with 7,031 miles. "This was a fantastic
milestone to achieve during the challenge of getting around
the world in eighty days. I hope it is used as a marker for
other cyclists to go and smash in the near future," he said.
*- World's first Sand Hostel open in Australia -*
A handful of lucky winners were given the opportunity to
stay in a hostel made entirely out of sand in Australia.
Mad Max and The Blue Lagoon World production designer Jon
Dowding designed the "Sand Hostel" on The Gold Coast,
Kurrawa Terrace. "Hostelworld North America and Destination
Gold Coast have transformed beautiful Broadbeach into a
hostel made out of sand - featuring everything your dream
hostel would include: an outdoor bar, beach volleyball,
comfy beds, good vibes, DJs and live music," the hostel's
Facebook page states. Denis "Sandman" Masoud used 24 tons
of sand to craft the unique hostel featuring an eight-bed
dorm and a private double room. A total of 10 people were
chosen to stay at the pop-up hostel, complete with free
food, drinks and other luxuries.
*------------ Euro Turning to Crap ------------*
Prosecutors in Switzerland are investigating mysterious
instances involving thousands of euro bills turning up in
toilets. The first bundle of 500 euro bills turned up
several months ago in a bathroom near a UBS Group AG bank
vault at a branch in Geneva. Days later even more banknotes
appeared inside toilets at nearby restaurants causing
damage that required expensive repairs to unclog the pipes.
Police have collected tens of thousands of euros -- many
apparently cut with scissors -- from the pipes and are
working to determine where the mystery bills came from. "We
are not so interested in the motive but we want to be sure
of the origin of the money," Vincent Derouand, of the Geneva
prosecutor's office, said. Derouand added neither throwing
away the bills, nor clogging the toilet are considered
crimes and there was no reason to believe the money was
obtained nefariously.
*-- Dumbbell Gets 'Manhood' Caught in Dumbell --*
Firefighters in a German city said it took about three hours
to free a man who had "a very sensitive part of the body"
stuck in the center hole of a dumbbell weight. The Feuerwehr
Worms Fire Department said in a Facebook post that fire-
fighters responded to a hospital in the appropriately named
city of Worms after a man at a local gym ended up with a
dumbbell disc stuck around his part. The firefighters said
it took them about three hours to break through the 5.5-pound
weight using tools including a grinder and a hydraulic saw.
The post included a photo of the dumbbell weight broken into
five pieces. "Please do not imitate such actions!" the
Facebook post said.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend BrendaC :)
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@ o\ /o @
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>(An Et-Ahem) LENA and OLE ---
Lena is pregnant with Ole's child.
Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!'
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the
hospital to have their first baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and
said, 'A son! Ain't dat Great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis,
but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't
finished yet!' The doctor den held up a little girl. He said,
'Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!' She's a pretty little
ting, too.'
Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said,
'Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't done yet!' The doctor then
delivered another boy and said, Ole, you yust had yourself
another boy!'
Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three Children
home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he
asked Lena, 'How come we got tree on the first try?'
Lena said, 'You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and
You vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?'
Ole said, 'Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a dam good ting I didn't get
the WD-40!!
---
...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks BrendaC!
-<>-
\\/////
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| = |
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/ | | \ _/'' \\\
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(| |) || # | |
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\ | | | | |
| ) ) | | |
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/ `-.`-. [_[___]
jgs \______)__) (_(____|
>5 More Minutes :-
A woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground at West
Coast park one fine Sunday Morning.
"That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy in a
red T-shirt who was gliding down the slide.
"He's a fine looking boy," the man said. "That's my son on the swing
in the blue T-shirt." Then, looking at his watch, he called to his
son.
"What do you say we go, Jack?" Jack pleaded,
"Just five more minutes, Dad. Please?" "Just five more minutes."
The man nodded and Jack continued to swing to his heart's content.
Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son.
"Time to go now?" Again Jack pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad.
Just five more minutes." The man smiled and said, "O.K."
"My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded.
The man smiled and then said, "My older son John was killed by a
drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I
never spent much time with John and now I'd give anything for just
five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake
with Jack. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth
is, I get Five more minutes to watch him play."
Life is not a race. Life is all about making priorities.
What are your priorities? Give someone you love, 5 more minutes of
your Time no matter how busy and you will have no regret forever.
Once you lost it, it will be forever....
Life can only be understood backwards; But it must be lived forwards.
Life is an uncompromising reconciliation of uncompromising extremes.
Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal.
LIVE LIFE BEFORE YOU LEAVE LIFE
---
...Great Lesson! Thanks BrendaC!
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
.-""-.--.
( ? )
( )
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()
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| (')') o
C _)
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<___Y>
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\ \ :| \ \_
\ \==L| \\\
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jgs (____))
>Some thoughts!
1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila......Floor.
2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes,
why do we still have monkeys and apes?
4. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is
because he knows where all the bad girls live.
5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman
"where's the self- help section?" She said if
she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
7. If a deaf child signs swear words,
does his mother wash his hands with soap?
8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to
kill him self, is it considered a hostage situation?
9. Is there another word for synonym?
10. Where do forest rangers go to
"get away from it all?"
11. What do you do when you see an endangered
animal eating an endangered plant?
12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will break-in and clean them?
15. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
17. If the police arrest a mute, do they
tell him he has the right to remain silent?
18. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
19. How do they get deer to cross the
road only at those yellow road signs?
20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
21. One nice thing about egotists:
they don't talk about other people.
22. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much
as adults enjoy adultery?
24. How is it possible to have a civil war?
25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns,
do the rest drown too?
26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto,
would you still be hungry?
27. If you try to fail, and succeed,
which have you done?
28. Whose cruel idea was it for the
word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
29. Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids
instead of "assteroids"?
30. Why is it called tourist season if we can't
shoot at them?
31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
32. If you spin an oriental man in a circle
three times, does he become disoriented?
33. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
----
...LOL! Great! Thanks Geniann!
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
/ .-
|/,-'`
_.-'''-._
_.;.--._.--.;._
.oOo0Oo./( O / \ O )\ `
_oOoOoO0o '-' '-' ;
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/ __)|||||| . . |
| __)|||||| `-.___.-' | .-. _
| ___)|||||| \.-./ ; | | / |
|~~\\|||||||\ `-` / __| |/ /_
| |`====;__'._ _.'__ (_ _)
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| |\| | \ `y |
jgs | |\| | \ /
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< < |
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/ /| |
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| |
\__/
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds
to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until
they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, don't
you like your beer cold? Why don't you start with one, and
I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one
in Austria and one in Ireland. We made a vow to each other
when they moved away that every Saturday night, we'd still
drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers
too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every
week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man
comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders
two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition,
I'd just like to just say that I hope nothing has happened to
one of your brothers."
The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit
drinking."
-<>-
Mary and her friend Jill are sitting by themselves in a bar
having a drink. Mary says, "Jill, did you notice there are
two guys sitting alone at the bar over there?"
"So?" Jill asks.
"Well, we're two women sitting alone over here at a table,
and there are two men sitting alone at the bar. What do you
think that adds up to?"
Jill shruggs her shoulders, "Four losers?"
-<>-
At a boat rental concession, the manager went to the lake's
edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in,
please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the
boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered,
"return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you
overtime."
"Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We
only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."
The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega-
phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble
out there?"
-<>-
I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage
sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for
size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his
head.
"I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year."
-<>-
My sister didn't do as well on her driver's ed test as she'd
hoped. It might have had something to do with how she
completed this sentence: "When the ___ is dead, the car won't
start."
She wrote: "Driver."
-<>-
A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon.
During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what
the resurrection was.
Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial. Asking
children questions in front of a congregation can also be
very dangerous.
After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning
of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor
called on him And the little boy said, "I'm not sure, but I
know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than
four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
=========================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
.--..--.
/ V \
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(|/ 6 6 \|)
\\ _,)._ //
\\\ == ///
\\)\//(/
jgs )))))))
((((((
))))
((
>Signs You are Getting Old(er)
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
No one expects you to run--anywhere.
People call at 9 o'clock in the evening and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your
pants.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
You can go bowling without drinking.
You can live without sex but not your glasses.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You get cable television for the Weather Channel.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You have a dream about prunes.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You keep busy by sending e-mail to friends.
You know what the word "equity" means.
You make an appointment to see the dentist.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.
You send money to PBS.
You sing along with elevator music.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
Your back goes out more than you do.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age and it isn't
breaking any laws.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
You can't remember who sent you this list.
-<>-
__
.' `'.
/ _ |
#_/.\==/.\
(, \_/ \\_/
| -' |
,\ = / /|
.-'|`-. __.' / |
/ | `-.__.' .-\
/-. | | { _/
\_ } | | `|
| | | |
'. | | .'
jgs '-.| |.'
`"`
>How to Impress a Woman:
Compliment her,
Respect her,
Honor her,
Cuddle her,
Kiss her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Tease her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Dance with her,
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine her,
Buy things for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Go to the ends of the Earth for her.
-<>-
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/ \
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| .-''-.-''-. |
| /_____|_____\ |
.--' (o ) (o ) '--.
/ _ / \ _ \
| (_ / \ _) |
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'--. \'--\ /--'/ .--'
\ \ '-----' / /
\ '. .--.--. .' /
\ `'-----'` /
'-. .-'
jgs )'---'(
>How to Impress a Man:
Show up naked.
Bring food.
-<>-
(Et-Ahems Follow:)
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@@@' .--. .--. @@
@ (()__) (_()_) @
(( / \ ))
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jgs \ __.-. /
'._ '--' _.'
`-------'
>To My Dear Wife,
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said you weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me that there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I had finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
-<>-
_._
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/ //\\\ \ |
( ( -\- ) ) |
'-\_=_/-' //
.-'\ /'-. (|/
/ '-' \ / /
| \__ __/_/\/ /|
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`\/\ ;
|/|\ |
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jgs /=|=\
(_/T\_)
>To My Dear Husband,
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons
you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to mess with the cat
thinking it was me
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come at all
33 times you came but too soon
19 times you went soft on me
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the privates
4 times you got stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching sports on t.v.
Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was
because you missed....
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.
What I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted, and I was
trying to breathe.
-<>-
_
=( )=
//"\\
(|^.^|)
'\^/'
/`\ /`\
/, Y ,\
/ |\___/| \
/__|{___}|__\
() | | ()
| |
| |
| |
| |
jgs |___|
" "
>Chinese Laundry
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local
Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with
the next collection of soiled clothes : "USE MORE SOAP!"
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with
the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean
laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM: "I USE PLENTY
SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER!!"
-<>-
.="=.
/\_ /|6 6|\ _/\
\_//O\_+_/O\\_/
\\\/`"""`\///
\ ($) /
./---/_\---\.
/`"---------"`\
/ / | \ \
/ / | \ \
jgs `._._.-'-._.-'-.'
>Creative Fortune Cookie Sayings
"What? 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?"
"Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.
"Put all your money and jewelry in egg roll and nobody get hurt."
"Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan."
"Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's
body fluids."
"Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy.
Ask waitress for application."
"Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just
ate was indeed duck."
"Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to
stir soup."
-<>-
~~~; ;~~~
_/@@ ' ' @@\_
(_ .C C _)
""::' \<>/ jgs
'' `'
>Wise Counsel?
Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just
fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Rick says, "I think
I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2
months."
Dave continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,
"You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."
--------
As many of you have brought to my attention, I inadvertently let
through 3 emails that contained questionable material.
I apologize - I routinely get 10-20 emails sent to the Groups
email control center. Those 3 got past me. -Dan
Quote of the Day: "I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk
Somewhere."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Did You See That 2?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html
Right Angle Photography 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto2.html
Life's Little Oops 8!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html
Humorous Ads!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html
Beautiful Wolves!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolves.html
Advertising Truck Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/truckart.html
Top Reasons To Smile!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smile.html
City That Time Forgot!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html
Texas Outhouse Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html
Garbage Truck Camper!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html
Enter At Your Own Risk!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/risky.html
Building Advertising Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html
Humorous Ads 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad2.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
THIS IS WHAT RETIREES DO TO AMUSE THEMSELVES UNTIL HAPPY HOUR
"Draw a Stick Man" Just draw a stick man, nothing else required.
This is so neat. You have to try it. Follow instructions
Use your mouse to draw.
http://www.drawastickman.com/index.htm
---
...I came, I saw, I Played, I conquered! TeeHee! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>Revisiting From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Dogs and baths are not a great mix. In nature, wolves just don't
really spend much time bathing, they have other ways to get clean.
Dogs just can't, for the life of them, understand why humans insist
on dunking them in hot water time after time, while pouring weird
liquids on them and then almost immediately washing them off.
Sorry, my dear canine buddies, you'll still need to take that bath!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=g-8CbXfKbZo
This older cat has given up on trying to get rid of the new kitty
addition to the family, and will now explain to the young kitten
how life works in their home life with the humans.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4Sn91t1V4g&feature=player_embedded
Another hilarious 'Dear Kitten' video, this time the older cat is
patiently explaining the concept of the dog to the young new kitten
that has just joined the household. Of course, being a cat, it has
its own opinions of what kind of creature a dog is... and they are
not that favorable...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3yNSF7ljOoU
---
...So Sweet! And FUNNY! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The government has unveiled a new website that predicts your
financial worth after graduating college. It doesn't give you
a number, just tells you which Starbucks you'll be working at
and for how long." -Conan O'Brien
"A math blogger says he's figured out 'the world's favorite
number.' It turns out that it's 7. The least popular number?
The fake phone number you get when you tell a girl you're a
math blogger." -Jimmy Fallon
"A pair of Ohio teens were caught this weekend using a beer
bong to drink full two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew. It's
a rare case where the punishment is the crime." -Seth Meyers
"Target announced that it will hire 100,000 seasonal
employees during the holidays. Ten of them will be on the
register; the rest will wander around saying, 'I don't work
in this department.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"California Gov. Jerry Brown is working on a plan to build
two tunnels that will bring water to Southern California.
Of course, it's California, so one tunnel is for flat water,
the other sparkling with lime." -Conan O'Brien
"McDonald's is unveiling something called a Nutella burger
at its locations in Italy. This goes against the traditional
way of eating Nutella, which is with two fingers in the dark
while crying at 3 a.m." -James Corden
"Last night, Toys R Us officially filed for bankruptcy after
falling $5 billion in debt. I guess they tried to pay it off,
but the bank said, 'This is Monopoly money.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Apple is exploring ways to turn Siri into people's personal
therapist. In fact, this morning when I asked Siri for
today's weather she said, 'Stop trying to replace your
father.'" -Conan O'Brien
"An 83-year-old grandfather in California recently pushed
a suspected burglar off his roof. Neighbors are calling it
shocking while the roofer is calling it the last time he
works on that house." -Seth Meyers
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
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