Business One-Liners And More... :) Shangy!
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~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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================
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You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
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================
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~I Am Pleased To Announce That We Added A New Shangrala Angel~
* Linda from Burringham, UK
She stepped up and gave a generous donation in January to help
keep Shangrala Alive! She is indeed Our Sweet Angel!
May God Bless Her Through Jesus Christ For Her Giving Heart!
-<>-
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first sizzling hot new page is from our friend Geniann.
This one took me by surprise as I was unaware that growing
Bonsai forests was more popular than growing single Bonsai
trees. Also, I was thinking they were some special sort of
tree and not just normal trees like maple trees! Be sure to
check out these beautiful photos here...
,.,
MMMM_ ,..,
"_ "__"MMMMM ,...,,
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MMMMMM"___ "_._ MMM"_."" _ """"""
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._______________.-'____"---._.
\ /
\________________________/
(_) (_)
Corwyn Yasuo Miyagishima
Amazing Bonsai Forests
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bonsai.html
---
...Wow! How stunning! Thanks Geniann!
This next scorching hot new page is from our friends Linda,
Bunni and Geniann. It is most amazing and quite beautiful.
It took this man 4 years to grow but as you will see, it is
well worth the work he put into it. Check it out here...
_|_
|
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Living Tree Church
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treechurch.html
---
...Aww, I love the full peacefulness of it and the grounds.
Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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`"`'--'
Doctor: What’s wrong with your bother?
Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.
Doctor: Really? How long has this been going on?
Boy: Five years.
Doctor: Five years!
Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.
-<>-
Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench. A
young boy came to him and asked the time. Old man refused to
tell the time. The boy insisted again, but the old man denied
him again. The boy asked the reason.
The old man said: "If I tell you the time, then you will ask
about me, my name, my job etc. Then I will ask about you about
yourself. You may get to seat next to me. Then you may get down
off at my station. My daughter will come to receive me. She will
meet you. She is beautiful. You may fall in love with her, she
with you too. Then she may insist to marry you, even may
threaten me...
And I am sorry that I don't want such a poor son in law who
hasn't got his own watch to see the time."
-<>-
A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to fix
it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.
"Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he
met a farmer. He told the farmer his story.
"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?"
asked the farmer.
"Yes, yes," the man replied.
"Oh! I would not listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She
does not know anything about cars."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
February 6 is Lame Duck Day and National Chopsticks Day
February 7 is Wave All you Fingers at Your Neighbor Day and
Send a Card to a Friend Day
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
February 9 is National Pizza Day and Toothache Day
February 10 is Umbrella Day
February 11 is Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day, Make a Friend
Day, National Inventors Day and White T-Shirt Day
February 12 is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday, National Lost Penny
Day and Plum Pudding Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
_ ___
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>Late Note
Students at the school where I work must sign in and out,
and must have a note from a parent if they're late. Signing
in at 11:00 one morning, Billy peered across the counter at
me.
"Morning, Billy, do you have a note?" I asked.
"No," he replied.
"Where were you?"
"At the dentist."
"Do you have a dentist card?"
"No," he said. Then, taking a deep breath, he added, "but I
have these," and shoved a box across the counter. Inside was
a set of plaster impressions the dentist had just taken,
complete with date and time.
-<>-
>Running in the Rain
My mother went for her daily run one rainy morning. As she
returned to the house, she slipped and fell, hitting her head
on the driveway. I called the paramedics.
When they arrived, they asked my mom some questions to
determine her coherency. "What's today?" inquired one
paramedic.
Without hesitation, Mom replied, "Trash day."
-<>-
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>Birthday Surprise
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one morning.
It was her birthday and as she lay there looking forward to
breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the
kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to
investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating
bacon and eggs.
"It's a surprise for your birthday," one explained, "we decided
to cook our own breakfast."
-<>-
>Bridge
A young couple went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver
and rented a car to sight see. One of the sights was a bridge
that was more than 1,000 feet above the river.
Walking out onto the bridge, they noticed it swaying in the
wind. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge,"
one said to the other.
"What are you worried about?" the second replied. "It's a
rental."
-<>-
>Yard Sale
A woman was browsing through the merchandise at a yard sale
when she noticed a small box that was marked, "Electronic cat
and dog caller: Guaranteed to work!"
Curious, the woman looked inside the box and began to laugh.
The box contained an electric can opener.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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>SMILES
Occasionally at the restaurant where I work there are extra
desserts, and the staff are given some to take home. Once I
brought home two pieces of cheesecake for my son and daughter.
Katie had a piece that evening.
The next day her older brother found her watching TV and eating
more cheesecake. "Are you eating my cheesecake?" he demanded.
"Oh, no," she replied sweetly, "I ate yours yesterday."
----------
I spent more than two whole hours in the beauty shop, getting
my hair permed, cut and styled.
Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay.
"Good afternoon!" she welcomed me cheerfully. "And who's your
appointment with today?"
----------
A woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she
asks, 'What is that?'
The store clerk responds, 'It's a thermos.'
The woman scratches her head and inquires, 'What does it do?'
The clerk explains, 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold.' So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, asks,
'What is that shiny object?'
She replies 'It's a thermos.'
He asks, 'What does it do?'
She says, 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.'
He then asks, 'What do you have in there?'
'Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle!'
----------
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss,"
he remarks, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home
tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the
garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give
you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith. "I knew I could count on you!"
----------
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent
vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They
named it Danny.
Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for
cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective
new home for it.
The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite
well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a
long time. We'll miss him."
"Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person,
and since I'M that 'one person,' I say he goes."
Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much,
and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."
But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home
now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted,
"His cage?! Oh, no! Danny?!! We thought you said Daddy!"
--------
A little girl received a hamster from her Grandma.
Inevitably, one day he escaped from his cage. The family
turned the house upside down and finally found him.
Several weeks later, while the girl was at school, he
escaped from his cage again. They searched and searched,
ever more frantically, but never found the critter.
Hoping to make the loss less painful for her, the girl's
mother took the cage out of her room.
When she came home from school that afternoon, she went
to her room as usual. Then she walked out, climbed into
her mother's lap, and announced, "We've got a serious
problem. "What is that?" asked her mom.
"Not only is my hamster gone again, but this time he
took his cage with him
--------
_________________________________________________________
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Qryz
>A Mom's Dictionary
AIRPLANE:
What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.
ALIEN:
What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted
a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
BABY:
1. Dad, when he gets a cold.
2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.
BECAUSE:
Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.
CAR POOL:
Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up
going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had
the most sugar.
CHINA:
Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love
leftover vegetables.
COOK:
1. Act of preparing food for consumption.
2. Mom's other name.
DATE:
Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying
about the kids in a different setting.
DUST RAGS:
See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."
EAR:
A place where kids store dirt.
EMPTY NEST:
See "WISHFUL THINKING."
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
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>WARNING...
If you get this call, don't say "Yes" or you'll get scammed
How this phone scam works
The Better Business Bureau (BBB) is receiving complaints
from people across the U.S. about the latest phone scam making
the rounds.
What's happening is, people are receiving automated calls from
someone claiming to be an employee of a certain business. Some
companies they are supposedly representing are cruise lines,
home security agencies, or social security firms.
The criminal begins the call with a simple, "Can you hear me?"
Warning: Do NOT answer that question on one of these unsolicited
calls. It's a scam!
If you answer that question, or any question for that matter,
with a "yes," the criminal can use it against you. They are
actually recording the victims' responses.
If they record you saying "yes," they can use it to claim that
you agreed to certain charges. They then threaten to sue the
victim if they attempt to deny the charges.
These calls usually show up with the local area code on the
caller ID. This lets the victims' guard down, thinking it's
someone local and they might know the person.
What you need to do
Police are urging everyone who receives a call like this to
immediately hang up. It's not rude to hang up on a potential
scammer.
This isn't the first time this type of phone scam has been
seen. Last year, a similar version was going around with the
criminal asking people questions like, "Do you pay the
household bills?" or "Are you the homeowner?"
Taking advice from police is your best course of action here.
If you get a call from someone you don't know asking an easy
question where the answer is yes, hang up.
Caution is always the best action, especially in today's world!
---
...Thanks for the info LouiseAu!
We won't pick up on 'Sales' calls. Our answer machine handles it.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
_..._ ___
.:::::::. `"-._.-''.
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/:::/ \:::\ \:/\:/
(_::/ \:::;__ \\_\\___
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`" `""""` `""""""`
>Quickies...
DID YOU KNOW...........
Skunks can accurately spray their smelly fluid as far
as ten feet.
Q: Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog?
A: To get along little doggy!
Did You Know..................
Polar bears are left-handed.
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
-<>-
>When God Sends You Help, Don't Ask Questions
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her
car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman
found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked
at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some help.
Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by
a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got
off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in
my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to
unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than
a minute, the car door was open. She hugged the man and through
tears, softly said, "Thank you, God, for sending me such a
very nice man."
The man heard her little prayer and replied, "lady, I am not
a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in
prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God!
You even sent me a professional."
Is God great or what!?!
---
...HaHa! Absolutely! Thanks Bunni!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From our friend Fran :)
NANCY PELOSI'S JET IS GONE
http://www.mrconservative.com/2013/01/4371-nancy-loses-her-air-force-jet/
---
...Interesting! Thanks Fran. It is getting harder and harder
to fact check the news these days. I am unsure of this one.
It gets to be a full job just to get past the hype of the
far left and the far right to determine if something is
actually factual or just fits their own agenda.
Obama's last money shower for the UN: some $9.2 billion
The new tally includes nearly $360 million for the controversial
United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in
the Near East, or UNRWA, which is regularly accused of
inculcating violent anti-Israel attitudes and even abetting
terrorist attacks on Israel, which it strongly denies.
(Last week, the Trump Administration froze a last-minute,
$221 million donation by the Obama Administration that was
intended for the Palestinian Authority.)
http://tinyurl.com/hwu7sne
>From Our friend and my son Victor:
Lady Gaga 'Moved' by Sermon About Communion, God's Gift to
Believers
http://tinyurl.com/hmey2p6
---
...Interesting! Raised a Catholic means perhaps she is a born
again believer - a Christian. Sometimes our faith isn't always
something we can get a good handle on and while having God's
spirit inside doesn't mean our mind will be renewed with it -
God gives us freedom of will and leaves the renewing of our
mind from our old man carnal ways to His way to us.
There's hope for Lady Gaga yet! She gave an unusually
heartwarming Patriotic halftime show - a must see for pop fans
and for once an OK one for the kids to watch - the way our
entertainment should be!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txXwg712zw4
What an awesome game! Neither team have anything to be ashamed
of - they played a Super Game for the Super Bowl!
Tom Brady, Patriots rewrite Super Bowl record book with epic,
34-28 OT win
Forget the redemption tour. Forget the revenge. Forget the
vitriol against the NFL and its commissioner..
http://tinyurl.com/j2km9c3
The problem with schools today
Schools are supposed to teach kids HOW to think for themselves,
not WHAT to think!
http://tinyurl.com/jam5xwv
---
...I was just reflecting on this. It seems as if the left has
it all figured out and actually has done a great job dominating
the 'teaching' field so that our children and young adults are
being indoctrinated by them. I find it interesting too that with
our 'global' policy and Pres. Clinton signing in NAFTA, that
caused 70,000 of our good factory jobs to leave the US, this
got Pres. Obama to instruct our youth that they needed to train
their brain and get a college education if they wanted to be
able to succeed in today's job market society. So many signed
up and Pres.Obama even made it easier for them to get government
student loans that by the way they would always owe to the
government as students can't back out of them or file bankruptcy
to free themselves from their enormous student loan debts. So
our youth go in to a college today where if any conservative is
invited to speak, the students feel they are threatened and like
in CA and NY this weekend, they protest. The left even hires
a hundred or so thugs in black ninja outfits to protest with the
kids and make the protest full of hate and violence. The teachers
give extra credit for the kids to protest at these hate filled
riots. These young adults then graduate and many become teachers
themselves. They spread the hate they have learned in college to
the kids and young adults they teach and the cycle continues
until the left has full dominance of our country. Sad that the
right didn't see this coming. It may be too late to change.
Stopping funding to these radical hate inspiring colleges may
help but I think that would include most of them and be
considered unconstitutional in the long run.
Something else to pray for! God help them and us!
President Trump’s Super Bowl Sunday Interview with Bill O’Reilly
http://tinyurl.com/jkevyu4
---
...Many may be surprised that Pres. Trump's order involving
sanctuary cities is only for those illegals who commit a crime
and are locked up. Cities are suppose to report to ICE if they
have a person who has committed a crime that lands them in jail
and is found to not be a citizen. CRIMINALS Only! Not just any
illegal they come across and ticket on the street. Sanctuary
cities refuse to report their illegal CRIMINALS they have in
their jail cells to ICE so they can be deported. They endanger
all our legal citizens by harboring these illegal criminals.
How sanctuary cities work...
http://tinyurl.com/zk7lpee
Melania Trump Steals The Show in HOT PINK Ball Gown for 60th
Annual Red Cross Gala [VIDEO] - (So Proud of our first family!)
http://tinyurl.com/hy5vn28
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
It seems like I run across one of these stories every couple
of months, but apparently the crooks never learn!
Police in California arrested an alleged bad-luck burglar who
ended up trapped inside a home's chimney and abandoned by his
accomplices.
The Ridgecrest Police Department said officers were
dispatched to a home Sunday on a report of a triggered
burglary alarm, and police received a phone call moments
later from a woman who reported her friend was trapped in a
chimney at the same address where the alarm was triggered.
Officers arrived on the scene and discovered Keith Schultz,
28, trapped in the chimney. They said the woman who called
police was gone by the time they arrived.
Police said Schultz apparently became trapped in the chimney
while trying to break into the residence. Investigators found
signs of forced entry and an open back door, indicating
Schultz' accomplices broke into the home in an attempt to
free him from the chimney, but they were unsuccessful.
The soot-covered suspect was rescued from the chimney by
firefighters and booked on a charge of burglary.
-<>-
Police in Oregon said a man who arranged a rendezvous on
dating app Tinder was left naked without his wallet and
cellphone in a motel room.
Springfield Police Sgt. Rich Charboneau said the man, a
Mapleton resident, exchanged messages with a female Tinder
user for months before they arranged to meet at the Village
Inn in Springfield.
The man said the woman, who used the name Lacey on the
dating app, suggested he leave the door to his room unlocked
while he showered so she could come in and join him.
The old 'Why don't you grab a shower and leave me alone with
your wallet' trick.
Charboneau said the man instead found that when he got out
of the shower, his clothes, wallet, and phone had been taken.
The wallet contained his debit card, police said.
"He's never seen her, he doesn't know who this is--we don't
know either. We have some leads we're following up, but
obviously we're telling people that if you're going to meet
people, via that app, then I'd recommend meeting them some-
place in public during the daylight hours," Charboneau said.
Police said the woman deleted her Tinder profile after the
theft. So apparently a second date is not likely.
-<>-
*-- Teacher Arrested for Doing Cartwheel --*
Nothing emphasizes a middle school anti-drug talk like a
quick p%$@#y flash. That really cements the message that
drugs are bad in the minds of 14-year-old boys. Maybe that
is what was in the mind of 34-year-old Oklahoma teacher
Lacey Sponsler. Either that or she just forgot she wasn't
wearing any panties. But the fact is that after speaking to
her students about using illegal drugs, Sponsler did a
cartwheel exposing her backside and privates. Unfortunately
for her (but fortunately for us) a student recorded the
incident. Sponsler has been charged with indecent exposure.
Sponsler denied the allegations, saying that she just wanted
to be the "cool" teacher. Her bail has been set at $5,000
(and the boys in her school have taken up a collection to
raise the money).
*----- Pickup Driver Parks On Top of Camry -----*
A bizarre case of road rage in Florida took an even stranger
turn when a pickup driver backed his vehicle onto the car
behind it. Ocala police said witnesses reported Adalberto
Aponte, 53, was "driving recklessly" in his Toyota Camry
before being stopped at a traffic light in Ocala, where he
got out of his vehicle to confront the driver of the pickup
truck in front of him. Witnesses said Aponte got violent
while confronting the 18-year-old driver of the pickup truck,
who was accompanied in his vehicle by his girlfriend and
their baby. "The guy reaches in the vehicle and starts
punching him in the face," a witness reported. Police said
the 18-year-old then threw the truck into reverse and parked
the vehicle atop Aponte's Camry. Aponte, who was found to
have had his license suspended in August for failing to pay
child support, was arrested on charges of burglary of an
occupied conveyance, battery, driving while license was
suspended or revoked, and criminal mischief. The pickup
driver was not charged.
*---------- Stupid Is As Stupid Does ----------*
Sometimes you have to own up to being an idiot. Take the
example of Sheriff's deputy Adam J. Brown. Brown was a
resource officer for a school in Auburn, Michigan. Last
year he brought a firearm to the school so a teacher in
the school's robotics lab could test the trigger pull on
the classroom's force machine. That experiment went
uneventfully. But then Brown returned alone later in the
day and tried the experiment with a different firearm.
This one he accidentally left loaded. When the firearm
discharged it passed through a wall and injured a teacher
in the next classroom. Now, instead of admitting a stupid
mistake Brown tried to cover the accident up, claiming he
did not fire the gun and intentionally throwing the bullet
away. Unfortunately for him, the bullet was found. Now,
instead of a misdemeanor charge of careless discharge of
a firearm, Brown is ALSO charged with a felony count of
tampering with evidence; a four-year offense. Probably
should have just owned up to the 90-day misdemeanor.
*--- Kind of Sounds Like My Workout Routine ---*
Security cameras at a Tennessee gym were recording when a
deer crashed through a window and ran a few laps before
locking itself in the women's bathroom. The footage recorded
Saturday at Quik Fit in Greenbrier shows the buck running
around the facility after it and two other deer rammed the
gym's storefront windows. The deer eventually runs into the
women's restroom, knocking the door closed behind itself.
"He got his cardio in," gym owner Eric Lee Beddingfield said.
"Thank God he stayed off the treadmill." Greenbrier police
and officers from the Department of National Resources caught
the deer in the bathroom and dragged it out of the gym's back
door.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.======================================.
| ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ |
| \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| |
| _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| |
'===================================== ,sSSSs
DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "(
.:. SSS@ =/ \~/
C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_
___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.-
[____________________________________] \ /\//
| ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/
| (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ;
| | | | | | | | | | |____|
| | | | | | | | | | \ |\
| | | | | | | | | | ) ) )
| |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/
| I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ |
jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\
Y\_\
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They
called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an
argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for
their order.
"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy
them for us."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so
one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other
end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints."
-<>-
It was time for the final and the student depending upon
getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test.
The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?"
This was a quick question for most, but it took the student
some thinking time.
Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing,
and cleaning.
-<>-
Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for
everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems
you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"
Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the
city to go around and remove all the money from parking
meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the
round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and
says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over
having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be
when you get your paycheck!"
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his
face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket,
and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
-<>-
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised
by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:
"An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is
under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from
an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in
a 'compromising position.'"
"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded
the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and
found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was
divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him."
She wasn't selected for the jury.
-<>-
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus
made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons,
25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-
neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it
does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to
reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of
tiny particles known as morons.
-<>-
You know how in first grade they used fruits to explain stuff
like "one banana plus two bananas make three bananas"? Here's
a list of high school math courses based on bananas:
-----
Algebra I - A
You have a negative banana (possibly made of antimatter).
Add two bananas to it and you get one banana.
Algebra I - B
You have a banana. Factor it, or solve for apples using the
quadratic formula.
Geometry
Prove: Bananas are not vegetables. Given: Bananas are fruits.
Algebra II
You have an imaginary banana. Square it, and you get one of
those weird anti-matter bananas. The student learns that
their dreams will become reality if they only raise them to
the fourth power.
Pre-Calculus
What is the cosecant of Pi over 2 bananas in a unit apple?
Calculus AB
The student learns to find the slope of a banana.
Calculus BC
The student learns to find the slope of a banana and also to
find the area under the banana.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
_______ ______
' ' ' '
( BUD ) _______ ( WISE )
,_ _____, / \ ,___ __,
| | ER | |
\ | | /
oO)-. \___ ___/ .-(Oo
/__ _\ | /_ __\
\ \( | / | )/ /
\__|\ | ()~() | /|__/
' '--' (-___-) '--' '
==`-'==
Steve
>QUOTES
* Business one-liners:
A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready,
willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
A backscratcher will always find new itches;
a brown-noser will always find new sense.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is dead.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components
will be found on the bench.
Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how
we wasted the morning.
Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes
division by zero.
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
All general statements are false; think about it.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All generalizations are useless, including this one.
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know
when they start!
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Create a need and fill it.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you’re doing.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it.
Dare to be average.
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with
defeat.
Definition of an elephant:
A mouse built to government specifications.
Don’t bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.
Don’t blame me; nobody asked my opinion.
Don’t do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.
Don’t force it, get a bigger hammer.
Don’t get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.
Don’t lend people money…it gives them amnesia.
Don’t let your mouth write no check that your tail can’t cash.
– Bo Diddley
Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you.
Don’t make your doctor your heir.
Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy!
Don’t permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
-<>-
:
;;
/ |
/ |
.' :
.-' '
_.-' /
.-*" / _
.-' .' _.-*?'
.' .' .-" .' __
.' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".'
/ \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .'
: `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .'
; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+.
: .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _(
\ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_(
`*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_(
; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" (
: \| No Reading | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"'
\ | Allowed | `----**"T"" " `+. |
`. | | ' .' :
_.-*"*- | | / / '
.-*" _ | GOTCHA! | __..-'\ / bug
"+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.'
"" +----------------+
>AND NOW GET READY FOR SOME HOWLER SIGNBOARDS
-SIGNBOARDS OF OUR TIMES
– On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania
"Don’t sleep with a drip, call your plumber."
– Pizza shop slogan
"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."
– At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
– Door of a plastic surgeons office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"
– Sign at the psychic’s Hotline:
"Don’t call us, we’ll call you."
– At A Laundry Shop:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at
no charge, close the store and have the manager shot.
Would that be satisfactory?"
– At a Towing Company:
"We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
– Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
– On an Electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
– In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action."
– On Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push."
– At an Optometrists Office:
"If you don’t see what your looking for you’ve
come to the right place."
– On a Taxidermist’s window:
"We really know our stuff."
– In a Podiatrist’s office:
"Time wounds all heels."
– On a Butchers window:
"Let me meat your needs."
– On a fence:
"Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive."
– At a car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment."
– Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming."
– Outside a Hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
– On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
– In a Veterinarians waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay! "
– At the Electric Company:
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don’t you will be."
– On the door of a Computer Store:
"Out for a quick byte."
– In a Restaurant window:
"Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."
– Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
– In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we’ll wait."
My class on quotes of the day is over friends.
---
...LOL! What a Hoot! Thanks Linda!
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Mug Shots
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mugshots.html
Inspiring Seniors
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inspiringseniors.html
Beautiful Starfish
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/starfish.html
Big Hearts In Nature
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/heartsinnature.html
Telephone Sheep Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html
Hand Painting Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint2.html
Wall Mural Art 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html
Christ's Life
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesuslife.html
Ice Sculpture Art 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ices3.html
Hybrid Big Cats
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hybridbigcats.html
Funny Animal Facts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html
Look Who's Talking 5
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html
You And Me Together
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/youandme.html
-<>-
>Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
http://tinyurl.com/jbkub2q
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
The captivating dance of shadows by El Gamma Penumbra, performed
on the grand finale of Asia's Got Talent was an ode to Mother
Nature, and man's folly. The performance is truly a masterpiece
of movement and shadow manipulation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1ReuOnKSi0s
We always knew there was a big difference between how men and
women's brains work. But Mark Gungor explains the difference
between the male and the female brain in a way that will make
you laugh out loud while still agreeing with every word!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulP6f9zXtTs&feature=player_embedded
Get ready to watch one of the freakiest videos on the Internet -
and that's saying a lot! This woman was just floating on her
surfboard near Santa Cruz when something truly amazing happened.
And it was all caught on video!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qoP1N0OyFic
---
...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees.
So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on
the cups now..." -Conan O'Brien
"The world's first supermarket chain to only sell vegan
foods, which was called Veganz with a 'z,' has announced
they will have to declare bankruptcy and shut all their
stores. When asked what went wrong, the vegan supermarket
said, 'We're a vegan supermarket.'" -James Corden
"According to a new poll, Chris Christie currently has the
lowest approval rating for any governor in any state, in
over 20 years. 'Wow,' said former Illinois Gov. Rod
Blagojevich from prison." -Seth Meyers
"The Dallas Public Library displays one of the original
copies of the Declaration of Independence - also the only
copy stained with barbecue sauce." -Conan O'Brien
"Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that
actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here's how it works:
If you're breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you're probably
drunk." -Jimmy Fallon
"An art gallery in Finland recently put on an exhibition of
paintings created by a brown bear named Juuso. The exhibition
sold 15 of the bear's paintings, raising $8,500. Fifteen
paintings - that is 14 more paintings than Van Gogh sold in
his entire lifetime." -James Corden
"Engineers have begun trying to find a way to brew beer on
the moon. Which means we'll soon have astronauts calling
into Mission Control saying, 'Houston, we have a drinking
problem.'" -Conan O'Brien
"According to a new report, 67 percent of millennials use
Netflix, which must really tick off whoever owns the account
they're using." -Seth Meyers
"Wildlife officials in India are now putting wild monkeys on
birth control to help curb the recent population spike. This
is good for wildlife, and even better for female monkeys who
want to focus on their careers." -Jimmy Fallon
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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