Butt Dust And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another 2011 Angel! Rita K. Woodman from Texas is again a faithful Shangrala supporter. This is her THIRD year in a row of stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with a sweet donation! We sure do thank God for her and all our past wonderful angels! PLEASE Thank her and Bless her by visiting her web site here: J.R.Watkins - http://www.cinnamonandspice.com If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press! :) This first hot toddy comes from our friends Wesley and PatDeE. Just in time for Easter! These eggs are absolutely beautiful and amazing works of art. If that wasn't enough, we have an awesome wall mural artist video at the end that will delight and inspire you! As always give it time to load. __ .. | | .................... | ..................... : |_| _ _ _ |_ _ |_ _ ,__ : : | | / | | \ | \ / | | / | /\ | / ) | ` : : | | \_|_|_/_|_/_\_| ___ |__ \_|_/ /_|_\/_/| : : | | |.'()o`. : : | | .|O o _()`. : : /_) o (_) o \ : : /o () o_ O(_\ : : .--._O o (_) O _.--. : : /`--._`-.O () o.-'_.--'\ : : .-=-. `-.\.==./.-' _| : : .' \_ ~-') (`-~ .-~-. : : __.| p )_\ _.--/`=='\--._ _/ `. : :_.-'' /--'()o/ | `.O /_( q |.__ : <`' ..._ <' \O o/ | `o/ \ ``-._: `._ .-' `. | `o/ |\ ` `> _... `^> ; `. .-' / / .-. |o\ ___:.| .' `~. _,' :\ `~~' _.' /,' `-`.|-'\ | \ `-. ,' ;: :.`"..."'% _ ..................\|.......`. `~~' /.: \__ |`. _ 7`"..."' /`. ,'| __/ ,'\ hjw Pysanky Easter Eggs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eastereggs.html --- ...What a treasure! Thank You Wesley and PatDeE! The second hot totty here is from our friend PatDeE. If you like cool awesome and fun places to visit, you may want to check out this place! .--""L""---___ J | | J J ""L L J J J----"""J""---__ | | J J L L_--""|"--L | F J L L__ ___ L L | J | J F J F \""""""" | """""-----, L | J J F | \ L L L | | | J J _.---""" \ J | | | | F F F / \ | J | | | J J | / \ L ___---++...;.++'--__ F J / \ J L""----____ __---""J__--=----_E_ / \ | J | |--__ __--"/ / __ \ L L | F ""F / / """--__ J J | J | / / ""; | L | | J / / __--""" \ L J | F F / / __--"" \ J L | J | / / --"" \ | J | | J / / \ L L | F F / / \ J J | J | / / \ | L | | J / / \ L J | F F / / \ J L | J | / / \ | _J | |"-J+' / \-L" L | F / \ J | J / '-. \ "-.|+' / '-. \ / . '-. \ / .-' '-. .-' "-. .-' hs '-. .-' . "-. .-' '-. .-' .' '. '-.-' ' .' '. The Willis (Sears) Tower! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html --- ...Wow! What great photos! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================ When Is It Time To Clean House? _________H ,%%&%, /\ _ \%&&%%&% I clean my house according to some / \___/^\___\%&%%&& simple principles that are easy to | | [] [] |%\Y&%' remember: | | .-. | || ~~@._|@@_|||_@@|~||~~~~~~~~~ 1. If you have just stepped on `""") )"""` jgs something and danced around in pain until you slipped on a magazine, it is probably time to pick up again. ___ ___ 2. If you find your scissors by / _ \ _.-'_.' feeling around your dining room \____`-.____.-'_.-' table until you feel something `-. _.\.-' hard of the correct shape, it's ____.-'`__/-._ time to clear off a few things. / _ .-'` '-._`-._ \___/ '-._'-. 3. If you need a gas mask to open jgs `"` your fridge, you might think about throwing away some of 4. If you drop your comb in those leftovers. .-. the bathroom and you pick it | | it up with more hair than is currently attached to |=| your head, it's time to sweep. |=| | | 5. If the neighbors are circulating a petition | | about the state of your yard, you might consider | | cutting the grass - but only if you've failed to | | buy them off with a doll dress or two. | | | | 6. When sorting newspaper, ask yourself if anyone | | asked for it in the last six months (or the last | | time you sorted, whichever comes later). If no | | one has, throw it out. | | ___________ | | /=//==//=/ \ 7. If your feet stick | | |=||==||=| | walking across the kitchen | | |=||==||=|~-, | floor, it's time to mop. |=| |=||==||=|^.`;| jgs |=| jgs \=\\==\\=\`=.: 8. If it takes more than |_| `"""""""`^-,`. 20 minutes to find your .=/I\=. `.~,' kids when you wake them up ////V\\\\ 9. If you ',~^:, in the morning, it's time |#######| haven't seen `.^;`. to have them clean their ||||||||| the floor of ^-.~=;. rooms - use new doll ||||||||| your car for `.^.:`. dresses or Power Ranger ||||||||| a week because stuff as incentives. ||||||||| of the Happy Meal ||||||||| litter on the floor and 'wash me' is written in the dust on the outside of the car, it's time to take the hint. =================================================================== +-------------- More Bizarre April Days --------------+ April 18 is International Jugglers Day April 19 is Garlic Day April 20 is Look Alike Day April 21 is Kindergarten Day April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day April 23 is Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day April 25 is National Zucchini Bread Day April 26 is Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day April 27 is Tell A Story Day April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day April 29 is National Shrimp Scampi Day April 30 is National Honesty Day -<>- +-------------- Bizarre Execution Facts --------------+ The last public execution in America was the hanging of a 22-year-old black man named Rainey Bethea. He was executed at Owensboro, KY, in 1936 after being convicted of killing a 70-year-old white women. Twenty thousand people showed up to witness the execution. The last person hanged in the U.S. for being a pirate was Capt. Nathaniel Gordon, in New York City on March 8, 1862. Gordon had been smuggling slaves into the US. The last person to be burned at the stake was Phoebe Harrius. Harrius was convicted of coining false money and was burned at the stake in front of Newgate Prison in England in 1786. The last public execution by guillotine was on June 17, 1939. Eugen Weidman was executed before a large crowd in Versailles, France. The last nonpublic use of the guillotine in France, at Baumetes Prison, in Marsailles, was the execution of convicted murderer Hamida Djandoubi, a Tunisian immigrant, on September 10, 1977. During WWII Private Eddie Slovik was tried by court-martial and sentenced to death for desertion. He was shot by his own unit, the 28th Infantry Division, in a small town in northeast France. ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend GlennL :) .`:;ij;f,;, .`;sk568G6itz,-", .\a\x68888888886r/,-' -._sV888P^98^"^9888k,-_" `.-\Q889" " `888/,-', .-_J88f 188KJ-_. ,-;388| o o |888[=- _".>88l j88E:._" _"Z3886._ ,J.__.488R=;. .'/288888888888888S^._" '"j^7Z988888885R^L`-. ,'./jQV9TYVR\[\`". '|'|! |'|`. " ./ l | \ .'_ _.\ j, `._,. (_)_)._) (_.__,._) itz >What Is Butt Dust ?? What, you ask, is 'Butt Dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative! .---. /_____\__ .===. _ _ `\/6.6\/--` / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ ( _ ) \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ,'---', ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. / _ \ _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ /\/ (_) \/\ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) .=@=. \ | (_) | / /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( / \ \| |/ \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \ 6.6 / |_____| \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ ( _ ) | | | | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) .-'---'-. | | | |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ / . . \ \__|__/ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ _/ /| , |\ \_ |_|_| |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` (__/{`"==="`}\__) jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ /\_ _/\ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) _| /`"`\ |_ ( \ / \ / ) \_/ \_/ JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister ... After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk? ' STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough...' DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?' TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story . His dad read:'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?' Kids say the darndest things... .`:;ij;f,;, .`;sk568G6itz,-", .\a\x6P^98^"^986r/,-' -._sV89" " `88k,-_" `.-\Q8f 188/,-', .-_J88| o o |88KJ-_. ,-;388l j888[=- _".>88Y6._ ,J.__.4988E:._" .;=J98| T"^T^"T |88K;-._ _"Z38|._|_ | _|_.|88R=;. .'/2l. | """ | ,j8S^._" '"j^7Z6bouuuod3R^L`-. ,'./jQV9TYVR\[\`". '|'|! |'|`. " ./ l | \ .'_ _.\ j, `._,. (_)_)._) (_.__,._) itz The sermon I think this Mom will never forget... This particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward Heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without You, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' Make sure you pass this one on and spread the smiles... --- ...LOL! Thanks GlennL! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) ___ ___ /::_\._./_::\ _={::(_>[_]<_)::}=_ _~ ^--~/:i:\~--^ ~_ .d^ /:/ \:\ ^b. .d^ (;/ \;) ^b. i| ,___ |i ii / /^\ ,___ q&&&p ii ii \__), ^^ _, \ *+*+*+* ii |i / @ @ \\_/ x=X=X=X=x i| || { -.x.- } pXoXoXoXq || /=============================\ { \\\\\\\\\\\\\\i////////////// } \ - x - x - x - x - x - x - x / | / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / | |x - x - x - x - x - x - x -| | \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ | |- x - x - x - x - x - x - x| | / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / | -keely- \ - x - x - x - x - x - x / ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >No Excuse Sunday To make it possible for everyone to attend church, how about having a special No Excuse Sunday? * Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say Sunday is my only day to sleep in. * There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard. * Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night. * We will have steel helmets for those who say, The roof would cave in If I ever came to church. * Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot. * Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. * Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too. * We will distribute Stamp Out Stewardship buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money. * One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature. * Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday. * The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them. * We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton for those who can!! - Author unknown. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Johanna! -<>- __ __ (_ \ / _) \ \/ / .____ ('*' ) Hands off dem eggs pal --=_\===(~ )) if'n ya know __( )( )__ whats good for MJP(____) (____) ya..... >MY KIND OF TEACHER A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his necktie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence.... He had no trouble with discipline that year. --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! -<>- .-''-. .' `. ./\/\/\/\/\' '############' :. .' '*`-._ _.-'*: ' * `-' * . `._________.' ______( )_________________________ \__ __/ .-----. kOs \ \ / \`.___.'================. _/ \_ '-._.-'----------------' (_______) \ >You're not old unless you can remember most, if not all of these: * Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV. * When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas. * When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for "gym." * When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up. When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got there. * When nobody owned a purebred dog. * When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a huge bonus. * When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. * When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then. * When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces. * When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers ha their hair done, everyday. * When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking....for free, every time. And, you didn't pay for air. And, you got trading stamps to boot! * When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box. * When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it. * When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents. * When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed ... and did! * When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. ~Author Unknown~ It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done. --- ...HaHa! Yeppers! Thanks Johanna! -<>- This week's article comes from Trey Morgan, a minister of the gospel in Childress, Texas. Much of Trey's writing relates to the topic of family relationships. If you are blessed by this article, you'll want to check out more at his website: www.treymorgan.net. ===== Friday's Thought For The Day (Apr. 15, 2011) ===== ,;;. ,' '''-,-. __ \,, > / _ ' \ `./-' `. ' (_._ ,(--) `| ' /` } `----' ( | | ) || |`. | '_I |_|__| ' c'c' |)|) |'|' ,_'_'_\ jv >CHUCK NORRIS, MEN AND MAN-LAWS by Trey Morgan A few of us guys were visiting about man-laws after church recently and the importance of teaching them to our sons. For those women who might not know, man-law is an unwritten code which men live by. I'm not a man-law expert, but I do think I know a man-law when I see one. For example here are a few man-laws that real-men live by that might not make sense to women, but totally make sense to us... * Man-law says that on a road trip the most manly-man is the one with the strongest bladder. * Man-law says that no man shall EVER wear an article of women's clothing unless they are the loser of a bet. * Man-law states that grilling, no matter the weather, is always the first choice of cooking. * Man-law clearly states that under NO circumstance do two men EVER share an umbrella. * Man-law says that men can watch chick-flicks on occasion, BUT they are never to be watched without the presence of a girlfriend or wife. And they should NEVER be seen crying. * Man-law has many rules of the public restrooms. First and foremost, men must follow the "buffer-zone" rule. That means where there are more than two urinals, there must always be one urinal of separation between you and the next man. You NEVER sidle-up to another man when there's an empty urinal down the line. This law is null-and-void when there are dividers between the urinals. * Another public restroom man-law is if you are first in the bathroom and there are only three urinals, you must not take the middle urinal because it would be impossible to follow the "buffer zone" rule if another man enters the bathroom. If you happen to encounter this simply clear your throat and say, "Dude!" Generally a man will realize their error and move down one, obeying the law of the urinal "buffer zone." * One final restroom man-law is that being chatty in the bathroom is inappropriate, a simple head-nod is all the conversation that is needed. * Man-law states crying is okay when your team has just won the big game or a heroic dog dies saving his master from death. * There is NO reason for a man to EVER watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Man-law! * Man-law states that while walking with a group to the car, a soon-to-be occupant may reserve the front passenger seat by calling out "Shotgun." All passengers must honor and respect the calling of shotgun. On those occasions where there is a tie while calling shotgun, a race to the car decides who gets the front. * Men can comment on how much they enjoy manly smells of things like a baseball glove, a new set of tires, the smell of gunpowder, campfire, sawdust and bar-b-que grills. * Man-law clearly states that no man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! * A man is allowed to scream ONLY when he is caught off guard and bitten by a large deadly snake. * The man-law official start date of the male shopping season is December 23rd, as compared to the female season, which opens on the day following Thanksgiving. * And under NO circumstances shall a man EVER defer control of the television remote to a female. _ ( ) ,,,,, \\ . . , \\ | - D (._) \__- | | | \\|_ , ,---- _ |----. \__ ( ( / ) _ | \/ \. ' _.| \ ( ) | \ /( / /\_ \ // \ / ( / / ) // ( , / / , (_.) |......\ | \, / / ) \--- b'ger /___/___^// As much as I love man-laws, I must never forget that "God-laws" always trump all "man-laws." And men who follow God-laws, such as the following, are ALWAYS the most manly-men of all … * A real man loves his wife and is faithful to her sexually, emotionally and mentally. * A real man prays with his wife. * A real man is involved in his children's lives. * A real man puts his family before his job, hobbies and buddies. * A real man is the spiritual leader in his home. * A real man isn't ashamed of his faith and puts God first in his life. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:25). --- ...I do so love the God-Laws! Thanks Johanna! ================================================================= >->In The Worldly News: [It's Tax Day!] >From Our Friend PatDeE: IF YOU READ ANYTHING THIS YEAR LET IT BE THIS"!! Long, but worth reading again. Wish our politicians held the same beliefs today. Thomas Jefferson http://www.confettiantiques.com/blogs/thomas-jefferson/ --- ...Very Interesting! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From TheTeaParty.net! Taxes are due. Whether you owe the government money and had to write them a check, or you received some of your money back after loaning it to the government interest free (refund), today is day of significance. Even though tax day is not the technical birthday of the Tea Party movement, two years ago on tax day, more than a million people took to the streets at peaceful rallies across the nation to decry an overreaching federal government. Those rallies sparked a political movement that has the establishment politicians from both parties terrified and has already changed the debate in Washington. Read the rest here: http://tinyurl.com/3go64uv A Sometimes Heated Conversation http://tinyurl.com/3sq9yno -<>- >From Vision To America: The IRS: Even Worse Than You Think http://tinyurl.com/4x4qv7a -<>- [POLITICS] >From Patriot Update: EPA Official Says Jobs Don't Matter http://tinyurl.com/3g8zd9f Obama: Despite Law, I Can do What I Want on Czars http://tinyurl.com/3z844rz -<>- >From Newsmax.com Trump: I'm Running as a Republican, Period http://tinyurl.com/3gm8al2 Rep. Allen West: I’d Join Trump Ticket as VP http://tinyurl.com/3qlk6as Calif. May Require Gay History Lessons http://tinyurl.com/4xwlnld -<>- >From BizarreNews: Say you're facing the prospect of spending the night, hungry and sober, in a refrigerator box under the express- way. Would a meal and a room for the night with a shower be worth a little subcutaneous bruising to you? Apparently it is to an increasing number of homeless men in St. Petersburg. Bizarre as this scenario sounds, this is exactly what is happening in this Florida community to men who have sold themselves as punching bags for fetish videos. A locally operated fetish website recruits them right off the street for as little as $50. They sign a waiver and must endure at least 12 minutes of hard physical abuse from young women in bikinis (or sometimes semi-nude) including punches, kicks, knees, bondage and whipping, all in front of a video camera. The videos sell for as little as $10. The practice is widespread enough that local homeless advocate G.W. Rolle said for months he noticed men walking around with black eyes, split lips and limps before he finally got someone to tell him about the "beatdowns," as they have come to be known among the homeless. Southern Legal Counsel, which has represented St. Petersburg's homeless in the past, filed the suit seeking an injunction to stop the beatings, saying the men were vulnerable and desperate for money. It also seeks damages for medical costs and emotional distress. -- Long-lost twins lived 3 miles apart -------- ROTHERHAM, England - A 67-year-old British woman separated from her twin sister at birth says a TV show found her sibling had been living just 3 miles away their whole lives. Jennifer and Judith Walton, were reunited by the producers of ITV1 series "Long Lost Family" for an episode scheduled for air April 21, said they still live in the Rotherham, England, homes they grew up in and never knew they shared the same doctor and dentist, The Sun reported Tuesday. The twins said they also found Jen worked for 40 years at the store where Judith, who was renamed Kath by her adoptive family, picked up her prescriptions. They have grandchildren in the same local drama group. The sisters had been adopted by different families at birth. Jen said she had attempted to track her sister through social services 14 years ago, but had no success. She said it took researchers for the TV show four months to discover her sister living in the same town. "I dreamed of one day finding my sister and, because I couldn't find her, imagined she was in Australia," Jen said. "When I found she was 'round the corner, I felt so happy. "Now we see each other every week and pop round to each other's home for cups of tea." -- 54-foot height error identifies fake ID ------- WASHINGTON, Pa. - Police in Pennsylvania said they were tipped off to use of a fake ID when a scanner used on it read the card holder's height as 54 feet tall. Washington police said an employee at an alcohol distributor in the city called police Saturday night when a card scanner read the height as 54 feet tall, instead of the intended 5 feet 4 inches, The Observer-Reporter in Washington, reported Tuesday. Police said the incident led them to seize multiple fake IDs used at the establishment and most of the young people interviewed identified the same Web site as the source of the false documents. Police said the investigation was ongoing and charges were expected to be filed. =========================================================== >-->Hints And Tips From Our Friend Linda :) _---~~(~~-_. _{ ) ) , ) -~~- ( ,-' )_ ( `-,_..`., )-- '_,) ( ` _) ( -~( -_ `, } (_- _ ~_-~~~~`, ,' ) `~ -^( __;-,((())) ~~~~ {_ -_(()) `\ } { } >BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS 1. No Breakfast. People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration. /\ __ \ .-':::. \ :::::|\ |,\:::'/ \ `.:::-' \ `-. \ ___ `-. | .-'';:::. `-.-' / ',''.;;;\ | ','','.''| |\ ' ,',' /' `.`-.___.-;' `--._.-' AsH 2. Overeating. It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power. ((\ ( _ ,-_ \ \ ) / \/ \ \ \ \ ( /)| \/\ \ \| | `~()_______)___)\ \ \ \ \ | |)\ ) `' | | | / /, | | | / | | / \ / \ / ejm ) / / / / / / 3. Smoking It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease. __..\/ /\ \ \\ /_/\_.___\ /\\~()\()~\\ \_ _) _/ \ .//\\/jro /\----/\ \|----|/ | | | _ | | |_)| | | | | | | | | _ | | |_ | | |_ | | | | | | __ | | / | | /_ | | | | | Pru|____| '------' 4. High Sugar consumption. Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development. _ |_| | |_/ _ _ (_) _ | | | (` \) . | \ (` (` |) (_ (_) ,-.(_) | o o o / | `-' _ (_) * .|, * O -x- '|` \ \ |// | * ( %%%)%%%/%%% % -+- O _ %\%%%%%%%%(%%%%%/ | %%%%%%%%%%)%%%)%(%%\ _ %%/ __^_ _^__ \%%% (_) _|_ ) |"\=(((@))=((@)))=/"|% | ( %\_( ,`--'(_)`--'. )_/ % \ ) /%%( /______I______\ )% ) ) , _/%%%%\\\_|_|_|_|_|_///%%% ,----.-._ ( / %% %%\ `|_|_|_|_|' /%\%%\ / __ `.``. \( -%% %%%%`---.___,---'%%%% ) / / _`.__))))____` ( %% % %% \ ( @)__,._ :%## % % \ .' )`-----.%## / `' ,' Stef 5. Air Pollution. The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our 20 body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency. ( ) ( ) |. `_^_' (|||)(| / |,\ ,| |- ' -| |. \_,_/ (|||)(| /___\ ,| ejm 6. Sleep Deprivation. Sleep allows our brain to rest... Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells... >>>>>\|/<<<<< >>>\\\\\v/////<<< >>>\\\\\vvv/////<<< >>>(vvvvvvvvv)<<< >>>>) (.)_(.) (<<<< >>>/ (_) \<<< >( (._ _.) )< \ `---' / "'--._.--'" .--.____| u |____.--. /___| |__\___/__| |___\ 7. Head covered while sleeping. Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects. ,;;;, ::::: _____ :;;;: c | c ) ( || | .-'---'-. ||_| / | \ /) / /_/| | |\/\//|/ \ \| | | \_/-| \_| | | | | ' ' | | |:_|_:| | Sher^ \ | / | ; | ; | ; | ; | \|/ | (_|_) ,/ \, You would think with all the medical research and technology, they could invent a "butt-proof" gown! 8. Working your brain during illness. Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain. __..\/ "You know, since I gave up /\ \ \\ food, I can really taste /_/\_.___\ ) my cigarettes." /\~()/()~//\ (( \_ (_ _/ )_ \ //\\ / // __/\ __ /\__ (\(((\ ~-._ / \ \ / / \ \___/ ~-._ / \/\/\/ \ / / ~-._/ \../ \/ / | | \/ __\ / | | o \_____/ | | o | | | o |~-._ | |___/\____| ~-._ \___| | \ | | | `-| | | | | | jro 9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts. Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage. Trapped behind a wall: .--._ '---._) Q Q ) c / .-;-'-,.__ \)) _/--o---o --) (_(= ,H---H --| '----'\---))) | \_=(_(/ / ) / \ \ / / \ \ | | '. '. |___| \___\ snd |_| \_\ / ) / ) '-' '-' 10. Talking Rarely. Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain. -<>- >The main causes of liver damage. z z Z .--. Z Z / _(c\ .-. __ | / / '-; \'-'` `\______ \_\/'/ __/ ) / ) | \--, | \`""`__-/ .'--/ /--------\ \ \\` ///-\/ / /---;-. '-' jgs (________\ \ '-' 1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause. 2. Not urinating in the morning. 3. Too much eating. 4. Skipping breakfast. 5. Consuming too much medication. 6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food colouring, and artificial sweetener. _ [_] .--' `--. | baby | |~~oil~~| | | `-------' Krogg Made with REAL babies too.... 7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much as possible reduce cooking oil when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit. \ / \\ // )\-/( /e e\ ( =Y= ) /`-!-'\ ____/ /___\ \ \ / ``` ```~~"--.,_ `-._\ / `~~"--.,_ ----->| `~~~"--.,_ _.-'/ \ ~~"--.,_ /jgs\_________________________,,,,....----""""~~~~```` 8. Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver. Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store. We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to 'schedule.' -<>- >The top five cancer-causing foods _ _ ( \ / ) \ \.-------------./ / \( )/ `.___________.' VK 1. Hot Dogs. Because they are high in nitrates, the Cancer Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more than 12 hot dogs a month. If you can't live without hot dogs, buy those made without sodium nitrate. __ _.._ .-'__`-._.'.--.'.__., /--' '-._.' '-._./ /__.--._.--._.'``-.__/ '._.-'-._.-._.-''-..' jgs 2. Processed meats and Bacon. Also high in the same sodium nitrates found inhot dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also contributes to cancer. ___ .-" "-. .' . ; `. / : . ' : \ | ` .-. . ' | | : ( ) ; ` | | : `-' : | \ .` ; : / hjw `. . ' .' `-.___.-' 3. Doughnuts. Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First, they are made with white flour, sugar, and hydrogenated oils, then fried at high temperatures. Doughnuts may be the worst food you can possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer. /\ __ \ .-':::. \ :::::|\ |,\:::'/ \ `.:::-' \ `-. \ ___ `-. | .-'';:::. `-.-' / ',''.;;;\ | ','','.''| |\ ' ,',' /' `.`-.___.-;' `--._.-' AsH 4. French fries. Like doughnuts, French fries are made with hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures. They also contain cancer- causing acrylamides which occur during the frying process. They should be called cancer fries, not French fries. .-'''''-. |'-----'| /`-.....-`\ | <_} | | .-\-. | _,._ | /# ` \ | __.-` `"""-. | \ / | ..--' `"-. `)_,._ \ '-'-' / (` )--.-"``` `"-.`'-----'` '-----------' ( ) jgs `-------------` 5. ALL CHIPS & COOKIES. All are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even the ones whose labels claim to be free of trans-fats generally contain small amounts of trans-fats. PASS THIS TO ALL WHOM YOU LOVE & CARE FOR --- ...Gee, thanks Linda! According to this, I should be brain dead with an ailing liver! Thank God I always bless my food first - huh? -<>- >Bar Codes Tell What Country... Buy USA Or Canada Or Your Country etc... http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/barcodes.asp --- ...Cool Info! Thanks Linda! -<>- /'\ / / , c-' / /'-._ ,____,' .-'''-. .-'.// \ '-;-========,"-,' ' ,` /, \_//\ ,/ ( '- *) ) ( ./ ) {,}========'===='- ' , , , \/ ', -muse. _____'-.-`_______________________'-..-'____ s i t b a c k r i d e 'n' r e l a x r e c u m b e n t b i c y c l e s ____________________________________________ >Downhill bike race in Chile is insanity at its finest Bike Race http://tinyurl.com/4f4xhyb --- ...Aww, this was fun! Back on my bike again! Thanks Linda! =============================================================== >-->From The MouthPiece: .=""--._ __..._ ,="_`/.--"" ..-""__...._""" `^"\ .' ,/_,.__.- _, _ .`. .' _.' .-'; /_\ \o|_ .' -" .-' / `o' / \,- `"""""----"" ( `.--'`---'=' `.. .'.`-..-/`\ `";`7 'j`"--' _.| | | .-' ; `. .-' .- :` ; .-'_.._7___ _7 ;|.---. ( `"\ /--..r=`) \__..--"7'`. ,`7 `}\' __. .-" / J/}/ .-"" \.-" .' `; : .' .' ; ; / : | .-._ `. : | ;-. /`. `/ `--| ; / \ ;`. ` : _; ; .' : : .-': .' \ ; _.--' :/ .' / | ,__ .-'"""""--. 7 / / : \`"""" `. ' / / : J__..._ `. ; .' \ -. `-.\ `,J.-' `._ `._.' fsc `"""" >** What The New Job-Lingo Really Means ** JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY - We have no time to train you. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time each weekend. DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control. CAREER-MINDED - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way). NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE - You'll need it to replace three people who just left. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Lorraine and Becky :) >Sister of the traveling butterflies (rabbits for easter:) Time Passes..... _ _ / \ / \ { } { } { { } } \ \ / / \ Y / .-"`"`"-. ,` `. / \ / \ { ;"";, } { /";`'`,; } \{ ;`,'`;. / { }`""` } /} { } { // cyd {||} { / `"' `"' Life happens..... ^ ^ ^ ^ (o o) { | } -Wong- " Distance separates..... ___/~~=-,_ |~~ | ~~=--,,_ _,,-=~) | | /_ ~~=--/_ / \ | |__~~=--,_ / \ | / ~~=-,_ ~~=-,__,,-=~ \ | / ~=-,__,-=~ \ | / \|_/ ( / ) _)/_\(_ Angela / _ \ Roberston / _ /'_ \ / (*\ /*) \ / =""=,=""= \ < ::|:: > "=--\_^_,--=" | | Children grow up..... (~\ _ \ \ / \ \ \___/ /\\ | , , | ~ ( =v= ) ` ^ ' mh Jobs come and go. \\ \\_ _-~~ .\ ,~ )___> @~ / Chris Baird \____) Love waxes and wanes. __ / \`\ __ | \ `\ /`/ \ \_/`\ \-"-/` /\ \ | | \ | (d b) \_/ / \ ,".|.'.\_/.'.|.", / /\' _|_ '/\ \ | / '-`"`-' \ | | | | | | \ \ / / | jgs \ \ \ / / / `"`\ : /'"` `""`""` Men don't do what they're supposed to do... _ _ ( |\ //| \|\\//\| /66\ ((_v.) > "< mic Hearts break. \ \ /\ ( ) .( o ). unknwon Parents die. (\ \\_ _/(\ 0 0 _\)___ =(_T_)= )* /"/ ( / <_<_/-<__| unknown Colleagues forget favors. /\ /| |||| | \ | \ _ _ / @ @ / \ =>X<= /| | / \| /__| | \_____\ \__\ unknown Careers end..... /| |\ ( |-| ) ) ( ( ) ) ( / \ hjw ( (*) )`97 ,-.) ___ (,-. `---' `---' , /| __ / | ,-~ / Y :| // / | jj /( .^ >-"~"-v" / Y jo o | ( ~T~ j >._-' _./ / "~" | Y _, | /| ;-"~ _ l / l/ ,-"~ \ \//\/ .- \ Y / Y -Row l I ! ]\ _\ /"\ (" ~----( ~ Y. ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BUT.....Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach... /`\ / : | _.._ | '/ /` \ | / | .-._ '-"` ( |_/ / o o\ | = () )= \ '--`/ / ---<` | , \\ | | \\__ / ; |.__) (_/.-. ; { `| \_/ '-\ / | | / | / \ '-. jgs \__|----' When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end... \(,%%*%,_ -%*%%,)/ %%/*( /) /) )*\%% %% )\| (/ (/ |/( %% _/ #) __/') ('\__ (# \_ .) ,/ _/ / \ \_ \, (. /)#(_,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,\,((,,,,,,,)),/,_)#(\ b'ger Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you ...or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters..... Daughter-in-laws, sisters, sister-in-laws, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life! .,uuuuuu,, ,%%uuu==#uuuu%%\ ,,,<%%uu".a.=#uuuu%%%% ,;;;;;)#uu...,#/uuu%%%%%%% \;;/####\%mmmmmmmmmnu%%`%%; u####"""' (mmmmmmmmmmnu%%`%%%% uuuEE,..:;;#\mmmmmmmnuu%;,`%%%% uuuu\#####/uu,mmmmmnu%..;, :.%%% \uuuuuuuuuuuuu,mnu/\.;; :..%% >##&&#######<%%% \;' :.%% (###&&&#######%%%%% :%' (###&&&&######(%%%%%% (#####&&&####(%%%%%%%%% (###########(%%%%%%%%%%% %%(###########(%%%%%%%%%%%% ;%%%(##########'%%%'%%%%%%%%% (%%%%; ;n####n'%%%%'n%%%%%%%%%%(@) \%%%' %%nnnn'%%%%'nnnn%%%%%%%(@@@) ``' %%%nnnn``'nnnnnn%%%%%%%%(@@@@)-Susie Oviatt- ,%%%nnnnnnnnnnn%%%%%%%%%(@@@@@ ,.,nnn%%%%nnnnn)nnnn%%%%%%%%%/ (@@) (u(uuuuuuuuuuuuuu/ (u;;;;;;u) (uuuuuuu) ()()() The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows thatlay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still. :I. .. :III/ I. : III II : III .II : .III III : III' III : III II' : `I/__L_ ./' ~~-. ." -~~- `. : .==. : | `..b' ___: | __.`\__/__ `. ---- _i_---- / `-........:`----' /' ,MMMMMMM. :' .MMMMMMMMm. :' mMMMMMMMMMm /: MMMMMMMMMMM /' : MMMMMMMMMMM /" `MMMMMMMMM' : \ `MMMMMMM'\ :' `: MMMMMMM: `\ : `: `MMMMM': `: : mMMMm MMMM' : : : mMMMMMMm mMMm : : \ `MMMMMMm mMMm : / /~~~ MMMMMMm mJVm : /'___ :'| | /`JMMMMm . .m96m \ \ ~~~~~~~ \_:_| L_/~~~~~~ Jeff Verzak Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did. Short and very sweet. There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this moment. Send this message to ten of your friends including me. If you get 5 replies, someone you love will surprise you. You are very special to me --- ,. ,. \.\ /,/ Y Y f |. .| ("_, l ,- , \ (_)(_) Y,. _j _j |,' Philip Kaulfuss (_,(__,' ...Aww, YOU Are Most Special to me too! Thank You Ladies! =========================================================== >-->From The Jokester: ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >How To Tell When You Are Spending Too Much Time With Your Computer: * You start introducing yourself as "lord at pacbell dot net" * Your wife drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like * You check your mail. It says "no new messages". So you check it again * Your phone bill is delivered in a box * You name your children Eudora, Mozilla, and Dotcom * All of your friends have an @ in their names * You tell the cab driver you live at http:// 123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html * You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't have a job. * You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Firefox" * You never have to deal with the busy signals because you never log off * You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet * You start tilting your head sideways whenever you smile :) * Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install another phone line so that the two of you can chat * As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button Your computer goes down, you haven't logged in for two hours. * You start to tremble. * You pick up the phone and dial your Internet access number. * You try to mimic computer noise in order to connect. -<>- ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >DOS Days Remembered Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key 3. Buy a Pentium so you can reboot faster. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN -{----- The information went data way ---------[ 11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding The name is Baud......, James Baud. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 22. Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups. E Pluribus Modem ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/n)? Does fuzzy logic tickle? A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk? Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. RAM disk is not an installation procedure. Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... All computers wait at the same speed. DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. Go ahead, make my data! Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... Press any key...... no, No, NO!! Not THAT one! Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ... ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: .-. __ / \ __ ( `'.\ /.'` ) '-._.(;;;)._.-' .-' ,`"`, '-. (__.-'/ \'-.__)/)_ \ /\ / / ) '-' | \/.-') , | .'/\'..) |\ |/ | \_) \ | | \_/ | \ / \|/ _, jgs / __/ / | _/ _.' |/__/ \ Usually the secretary at my son's school answers when I call, but on this occasion I spoke to an unfamiliar voice. I men- tioned this to my 11-year-old son and asked if he knew who it was. "It could have been Mrs. Campbell," he answered after thinking it over. "Did it sound like she was wearing a blue coat?" -<>- When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hour, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid. -<>- _._ .' '. / \ ___ _.. _.--. | / |.' `'. ;-._ .' `\ .' `\ \| / \ .' `\/ ; / _ \.=..=./ _.' / | `\.---._| '. .-'-.}`.<>.`{-'-. / .--; . ( .' '. \ .---.{ <>()<> }.--..-' / _ \_ './ _. `-./ _},'<>`.{_ `\ ( = \ )`""'\;--. .' .-'/ )=..=;`\`- \ {= (| ) /`. ( / /| \ ) ( =_/ )__..-\ .'-..___.' : '.___..-' \ }/ / ;.____.-;/\ | ` | '--' | .' | \ \ /'. _.' \ ' / |\.\ ; /`--.-' ) .'`-. / \ \ |`| /__.-' \_.'jgs \ \ |-| A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." -<>- Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argu- ment. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints." ============================================================= >-->From Laugh And Lift: .-'`"'-. _.---. .' \ .' '. / \ / \ | __ Y __ | | .'` '-./ .-' `'. | \ / ',,' \ /-. \| .-"()"-. |/--.`\ | /` /||\ `\ | \ \ \ | | / ; ; '--`\ /`--' | | '-.__.-' ; ; __ / / .-'''-` '. .-. _ /`/` (_ .--..._ `-' \_| \ /`/` '.__. `---._ |/`/` `) _.. '-./`/` (__.-' _) /`/` jgs `--`/` ` >Wining Respect, Being an Example Five Ways to Be "Looked Up to" Instead of "Looked Down on" (By Kerry Doyal - www.GetGraced.org) [Edited] "I tell ya, I get no respect" was Rodney Dangerfield's signature line. The late comic built a career by proving he was disrespected, from birth - "When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother" - to old age - "I told the doctor I wanted a second opinion. He said, 'Okay, you're ugly, too'." As humorous as he sometimes was, there is little funny about being disrespected or un-respectable. Respect is something we should all seek to earn, not demand or expect because of power or position. It is secured, or forfeited by our lives. We are peculiar about matters of respect, often freely giving it to some who have done little to earn it - the pretty, celebrities, the wealthy, the gifted. Conversely, we withhold it from many with no good cause - those of us who are less than stunning, minorities, the disabled, the poor. , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Back in the day - Jesus' - older people were given respect for their years & hopefully attained wisdom. Longevity got you more than wrinkles and a good parking spot for your camel. There was a deference given, appreciation, honor. My how things have changed. The Apostle Paul wrote to his coworker, Timothy, advising him how to earn respect. Timothy was a interim pastor in Ephesus, getting the church organized, putting leaders in place, correcting errors, teaching and defending the truth. Timothy was seen as young for the role he was fulfilling - giving spiritual guidance to a group of God's people. Some looked down on him for being young. Paul told him how to fight this: be respectable, set an example. He listed five encompassing areas to which his young apprentice should attend with diligence. Tired of being looked down on? Wondering what it takes to get a little respect? Want a practical list of how to be a good example? Have I got a verse for you! Here is 1 Timothy 4:12: Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. (KJV) The prophet Isaiah confessed to the LORD that he had unclean lips and lived among a potty mouth people (Is. 6:1-8). He was cleansed and used by God to speak His word. That is not a bad example of how to be a respectable example with our mouths. It should not just be X-rated language that concerns us, but unkind things we say, gossip we spread, harsh words with which we pierce others, good things we leave unsaid. People we respect live out Psalm 39:1: " I said, "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin..." Here is a great memory verse: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." (Ephesians 4:29 - KJV) Lift up this prayer from Psalm 19:14: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD..." Our conduct, patterns of life help define us to others. Kids feel they have control over very little, but even they - like we big people - create their reputation. "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right" (Proverbs 20:11). Dr. Luke wrote this about the preteen Jesus: "He went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to [His folks].... Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" (Luke 2:51, 52 - bracketed text added). To be a role model in your conduct, like Timothy, "watch your life and doctrine closely" (1 Timothy 4:16; see also 1 Tim. 6:10-12 & 2 Tim. 2:22-26). Want to test your love life? Read 1 Corinthians 13 and replace the word "love" with your name. The statement that sounds least like you is where you need to work. "Joan is patient, Max is kind. Robin does not envy, Jeff does not boast, Laura is not proud. Jim is not rude, Sandy is not self-seeking, Karter is not easily angered, Anna keeps no record of wrongs. Deanna does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Peter always protects, Richard trusts, Mike always hopes, Cindy perseveres. Beth never fails." How do you model an intangible like faith? Proverbs 3:3-6 beautifully ties in love and faith / faithfulness and their connection to reputation: "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Since faith comes by taking in God's word (Romans 10:17), study the lives of faith set forth in Hebrews 11. There we learn: "without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him" (vs. 6). Finally, in "purity show yourself an example." In such dirty days, how can we hope to be spiritually, mentally, relationally clean? Scripture asks and answers this question: "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you" (Psalm 119:9-11). Like Timothy, we should "flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart" (2 Tim. 2:22; see also 1 John 1:5-2:2). On long car trips, we give kids something to keep them busy and out of trouble. In our long journey of life under God's sun / Son, [these] are five areas that should help keep us busy and increasingly out of trouble. And even become respectable saved sinners who are decent examples. -<>- The Laugh \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ >You Know You're a Bad Cook if... - The last time you tried to make toast tthe kitchen caught on fire - You make tuna noodle surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark! - Your homemade bread can be used as a dooor stop. - The leftover crumbs make a great replaccement for kitty litter. - Your kids know what exactly peas porriddge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like. - The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols. - You use the smoke alarm as a cooking tiimer. - Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.. - When you barbecue, two of your kids holld water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial. - You've used three boxes of scouring padds, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan. - Your family prays AFTER they eat! -<>- | .--. .--. / \|/ O /\ |--.| .-. / \ / --*-- ( ) \/\--|__|+./ | / `-- -- ' /|\ (__.) \___ \ `-' | (__ _.) | X | - In space, |XXxx) /Oooo/\/ no one |XXX/ / \/ can eat |XX/ / .| | ice cream |X/ \ \| | Nigel Wale >Three Astronauts NASA planned a mission that involved three astronauts spending two years in space. Because of the extended duration, each was allowed to take 200 pounds of baggage, with no restricions. The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause. Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, "Anybody got a match??" -<>- >Quick Jokes "Your Honour, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" --------- Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. --------- _ / | //|| // ); _ __ ,'',// ,-' ' `-. ((// ( ) )// ( / -')))o ,' / ( ( /() / / o ) / (/\ (,_( O(O / ' / > |/ `\. o/ (_ ._/ '. || \ _\ __,'() ,-|| `-( / /( | () () / ( `-',-.'`v/ )/_ |/O `-._( `." `-'\\ // `---.-'\ )\.O _ .' ) / `-. / |\/-.___,-./ | O| ' ( \ / |\\ / ( ;\ Y ,-'(\\) | ) ,-./ ( | ( \` | ,-' ./ -^_/-. `. _\ | ,' `-< ' ,' )\_ .\| |. | (),-. _,--. | | ' ; \ ,-` ))\ \ | \ _,' ; ( ,'/ ) |/,--\ ___))`-'` gpyy `-'-'~~~``---"" '"'"'` When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?' Her response, 'Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying 'All Men'!' --------- On the first day of school, about midmorning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?" -------------- A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute." --------------- At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ===================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Tech Horror Stories http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html Identity Theft 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Humor In Religion http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion.html Life's Little Oops 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html Humor In Politics 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics6.html Elephant Hotel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elhotel.html Right Angle Photography http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto.html For Easter... Last Day! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lastday.html Easter Joy! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/easterjoy.html Jesus Clinic! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html Christ's Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesuslife.html Good Easter! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easter.html Who Is Jesus Christ? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/whoisjesus.html Bible: Our Valuable Anchor! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html Bible: Four Crucified With Christ! http://tinyurl.com/3w8ftsv Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: Desserts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Animated Angel, Bible, Church, Cross, Easter http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/agifs.html -<>- >From TheMouth: Mini Putt Game The mouse is your club on this digital green. Put Tiger to shame... when it comes to golf. Visit: http://bit.ly/9MKjn8 SpongeBob SquarePants in Bikini Bottom Bowling Click on the slider bar to make SpongeBob bowl. If the sliding clam is in the middle of the bar when you click, he'll knock down all the coral and roll a strike! Are you ready? See if you can beat my score of 183. Play: http://bit.ly/c0WLkQ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Parent VS Kids http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfsdj.htm Parking 1 http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsd.htm Parking 2 http://www.buffaloschips.com/asddsas.htm Parking3 http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfgds.htm Peeling http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfasd.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "They've updated the Seven Wonders of the World. Here's the real wonder of the world. How I've managed to stay on television for 30 years." - David Letterman "Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a local pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control patches. They turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news, her new baby is now down to a half a pack a day." --Jay Leno "Over the weekend, Bill and Hillary Clinton were spotted hiking in a national park near Washington. Yeah, after a 10-mile hike, Bill said 'I just can't seem to shake her'" --Dave Letterman "A new survey says that New Jersey is the most livable state in the U.S. The survey has a margin of error of 100 percent." --Conan O'Brien "Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash." - George S. Patton "Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." - Albert Schweitzer "Nothing is too small to know, and nothing is too big to attempt." - William Van Horne "Man is what he believes." - Anton Chekhov "I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley "Nothing you can't spell will ever work." - Will Rogers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 CChristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************