Camping Tips And More... :) Shangy!
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This first super scorcher is from our friend Bunni. Some
of the strangest veggies you may ever see! This one is
sure to tickle your funny bone! Turn up your sound and
give it plenty of time to load. Click the link...
,
/.\
//_`\
_.-`| \ ``._
.-''`-. _.'`.
.' / /'\/`.\ `.
/ . |/ `. \
' / \ ;
: ' \ : :
; ; ; / .
' : . ' /
\ \ / .'
LGB `.` .' .'
`-..___....----`
Silly Veggies
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggies.html
---
...Such a cute, funny one! Thanks Bunni!
This next hot new page is from our friend Linda. This one
shows ways that our fruits and vegetables grow. Some are
pretty surprising! Turn up your sound and give this one
time to load. Click the link...
'."""""""""""""""""`.
`. ... `.
`. /@ `. `.
.'"":_ :"""""".'|
.'//)/) ` (/)/)).' |
.'/)_/"" __ ""\.' ^ |
|"""(((""""((("""| | |
| "" "" | U | |
| High Quality | P .'
| Bananas | .'
| | .'
| |'
""""""""""""""""
Growing Fruits And Veggies
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fruitsandveggies.html
---
...Lots Of Smiles! I had a lot of fun with this one! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
,;;;,
Mother Of Six ,;;;, """\\\\
/////)) '' `\\)
|/// '' /_ _)
A man had six children and was very \(C _) | /
proud of his achievement. He was so ((_)) _= =_ /
proud of himself that he started `"`/ / \ \
calling his wife "Mother of Six" in (`""-. <\-/``>
spite of her objections. jgs /`~~~`\ / Y`~`` \
One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to
go home and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as
well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we
go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally
shouted back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
view this joke online -or- SEND it to your friends
NOW
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
CHILDREN'S ANSWERS IN MUSIC EDUCATION.
These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in
the state of Missouri, circa 1989. Source: Missouri School Music
Newsletter.
* It is important to be able to reach the brakes on any piano.
* Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a
pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
* It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the
neck and shake him in rhythm.
* My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play
people hardly ever play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
* I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow
or Friday be best?
* The plural form of musical instrument is known as orchestra.
* Tubas are a bit too much.
* A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only the opposite.
* The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
* The flute is a skinny-shape-high-sounded instrument.
* Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word used by many player-types.
* Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets
to be the conductor.
* The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.
* For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every
line of flute music. You just watch.
* The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in
the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a person
is elected concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a
violin real good.
* Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument?
Answer: Yes.
* Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I
both found out and got in trouble.
* A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
* Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
* Question: What are kettle drums called?
* Answer: Kettle drums.
* When electric currents go through them, guitars start making
sounds. So would anybody.
* The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and
bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
* While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
* A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
* Another name for kettle drums is timpani. Or else you can just
stick with the first name and learn it good.
* Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.
* You should always say 'chili' when you mean there are two or more
cellos.
* A tuba is much larger than its name.
* A harp is a nude piano.
* My favorite composer is Opus.
* My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
* Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the
Hatfields and the McCoys.
* Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long
ago.
* Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were
happy.
* A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on
the odium.
* Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and
said he would go a long way. So that's why he came to America.
* I know what a sextet is but I'm not allowed to say.
* Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
* When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any
passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from
hurting.
* In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one
he really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all
live happily ever after.
* An opera is a song of bigly size.
* Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers.
It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until
they are dead.
* Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard
of.
* Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
* Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was
rather large.
* John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
* A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
* Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you
better not try to sing.
* Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fran :)
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day
July 28 is National Milk Chocolate Day
July 29 is Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
July 30 is National Cheesecake Day
July 31 is Parent's Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
.................................................
. | .
._-""--__ '. \ | / .' .
. |j _-'"-__-"= ~ '. \ | / .' .
. L| -' _-' '= _____-- .-. -______ .
. | L|_, . * ."=_-_________---' ~ '---______.
. | _\|/_ ,'~~~~~~~' | ~-_.
. ~~~ <') ~~~ L|, .
. ~~~~~ (_\\ | .
. ||\\ .
. .-. ((__)) .
. ( o)-. ( O O) .
. ) )\|\) "\_\\.-~ .
. _./ (,_ Yes, "' .
. ( '**" ) the Dead Cow restaurant used .
. \\\ /// to be here, but its been .
. \\\ /// closed for quite some time. .
. //|\\ .
. ///|\\\ .
..............................................MJP
>Creature Comforts
While serving in the Army, I found myself in a world that had changed
little since Biblical times. With so few creature comforts available,
packages from home containing cookies and canned goods were received
with great anticipation.
When I got a box from my sister, I happily tore into it, only to
discover just how far from home I really was. She had filled it with
packages of microwave popcorn.
-<>-
>Senior Cruise
Miriam has never been on a cruise before. One day, she meets her friend
Lucy and they stop for a chat.
"So where are you and Sam going for your holidays this year?" asks Lucy.
"I'd like to try out a cruise," replies Miriam, "but I'm not sure
whether Sam and I would enjoy ourselves. We're almost 80 now and Sam
thinks cruising is for younger people."
"No, you're wrong in thinking that," replies Lucy. "Most cruise ships
have special design features just for senior citizens."
"So give me an example, please," says Miriam.
"Well OK," replies Lucy, "They have bifocal portholes."
-<>-
>Stock Market Terms
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
toilet. who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
STOCK - A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment
after you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND - What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf
clubs to invest in Amazon.com.
BROKER - The person you trust to help you make major financial
decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell
"Broke".
BEAR - What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer
on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.
BULL - What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked
during the last quarter.
MARGIN - Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to
be listening to your manager's presentation.
SHORT POSITION - A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells
stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in
theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in
(i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").
COMMISSION - The only reliable way to make money on the stock market,
which is why your broker charges you one.
YAK - What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have
plunged and your broker is making a margin call.
-<>-
>Sunroom Project
My husband and I were building a sunroom to accommodate our new hot
tub. The project soon turned into a money pit.
During one of our numerous trips to the hardware store, he inquired
about exhaust fans. The store clerk looked them up on the computer and
praised one fan in particular because it was exceptionally quiet.
My husband asked for the price. After receiving the answer, he sighed
and asked, "Do you have anything louder?"
-<>-
>Tender, Loving Care
Diagnosing my problem as water on the knee, the doctor prescribed
complete bed rest. When we got home, my husband set me up in a lounge
chair and brought my knitting and some books.
As he packed ice around my knee, he said, "Now, honey, I don't want you
to move until it's time to get dinner ready."
=========================================================
>-->Darwin Awards First Place Winners...
...
;::::;
;::::; :;
;:::::' :;
;:::::; ;.
,:::::' ; OOO\
::::::; ; OOOOO\
;:::::; ; OOOOOOOO
,;::::::; ;' / OOOOOOO
;:::::::::`. ,,,;. / / DOOOOOO
.';:::::::::::::::::;, / / DOOOO
,::::::;::::::;;;;::::;, / / DOOO
;`::::::`'::::::;;;::::: ,#/ / DOOO
:`:::::::`;::::::;;::: ;::# / DOOO
::`:::::::`;:::::::: ;::::# / DOO
`:`:::::::`;:::::: ;::::::#/ DOO
:::`:::::::`;; ;:::::::::## OO
::::`:::::::`;::::::::;:::# OO
`:::::`::::::::::::;'`:;::# O
`:::::`::::::::;' / / `:#
::::::`:::::;' / / `#
unknown
2009
In South Carolina, USA, a man spray-painted his face to disguise
himself during a robbery – and then died from the fumes.
Michael Gregory Thomas, 23, and Thomas James, 24, robbed a convenience
store at gunpoint. But despite clear labels which said it should not be
allowed to contact the skin or the eyes, Mr James spray painted his
face gold. Some time after the robbery he stopped breathing.
2010
This Korean man had the dubious distinction of being the first Darwin
Award recipient whose death was caught on video.
After missing a lift, the man rolled back his wheelchair and repeatedly
rammed into the doors in an attempt to force them open. He succeeded –
but the lift had already gone.
2011
An Australian man plunged to his death from a seventh-story balcony
because he had been ‘planking’ on its railing.
Planking, in case you didn’t know, is a craze where people take photos
of themselves lying flat as a board in unusual locations.
David Tyrrell, a committed plankster from Queensland, said the man was
not representative of the planking community: “Those guys would be a
minority – the people that do something stupid, like a traffic light.”
2012
This year’s award went to Gary Allen Banning, a 43-year-old man who
accidentally drank from a jar containing gasoline and then smoked a
cigarette.
Mr Banning was at a friend’s apartment when he mistook a salsa jar full
of for a drink. It’s not as if he didn’t notice – he quickly spat it
out – but he didn’t realise the gasoline had gotten on his clothes. The
poor man burst into flames.
2013
The penultimate Darwin Award is best left to the website itself to
explain:
“The death of a man who fell down an elevator shaft at Tampa
International Airport last year was ruled accidental – if one considers
forcing open the elevator doors, jumping toward the cables, and
wrapping your arms and legs around them to slow your descent ‘an
accident’.”
Chad Wolfe, 31, arrived at the airport with his girlfriend only to be
found dead at the bottom of the shaft the following morning. Security
camera footage showed him drinking from what appeared to be a mini
bottle of liquor. Another camera shows him trying to climb a small tree.
2014
Two men in Rotterdam, Netherlands, were killed in what seemed to be
another drunken contest of machismo.
One man lay down on the tracks, waiting for the train to pass overhead,
while another simply kneeled down next to them with his head in the way
of the train.
Eyewitnesses told the Dutch media that they had been daring each other
about how long they could wait until a train reached them.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
'\ . . |>18>>
\ . ' . |
O>> . 'o |
\ . |
/\ . |
/ / .' |
jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>Jokes
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing
surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite
case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached
them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen
of England."
The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and
both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a
gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs". Several years ago a
woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on
into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with
was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them
together and now she's running for President.
-------
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has
helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”
-------
A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called,
‘Husband – the Master of the House’?
Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.
-------
Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your
wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret ?
Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.
-------
A man in Hell asked the Devil : Can I make a call to my Wife ?
After making the call he asked how much he had to pay.
Devil : Nothing. Hell to hell is Free.
-------
Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new
one every day!
Husband to wife – Today is a fine day. Next day he says : Today is a
fine day. Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day.
Finally after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband –
since last week, you have been saying “Today is a fine day’. I am fed
up. What’s the matter?
Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, “I will leave
you one fine day.” I was just trying to remind you……"
-------
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a
turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild love making, Bill woke up to
find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he
had made it home safely.
-------
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled
LSD?' Granny replies, forget the pills, have you seen the dragons in
the kitchen?!?
--------
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.
-------
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to
this country so that they can see their own doctor.
-------
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his
PROFILE."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture
for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect,
how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too
easy to catch because he only has one ear!
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of
course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of
his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would
you recognize him?
He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
"Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't
know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an
interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file
and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in
his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I
can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute
observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses
because he only has one eye and one ear!"
-------
One day, the two were enjoying a strong drink in the local saloon, when
a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians, last week they
burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children."
He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give
him one thousand dollars."
The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go
hunting for an Indian.
They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff
threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.
The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two blondes made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a
knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this."
Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should
look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in
my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were
five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh my
gosh, we're going to be millionaires!"
--------
"Did you hear what happened today?" Jim asked when he saw me walking
down the hallway at work.
"Hear what?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.
"The regional vice president died this morning!"
"What?!" I asked, totally stunned. "What happened?"
"He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack," Jim began
explaining.
"Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one."
"Boy do I. She's that hot, young blonde babe."
"Yeah, that's the one. Turns out she isn't too smart."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He kept yelling at her to 'call 911.' She just stood there waiting
for him to give her the rest of the phone number."
-------
Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One
for me and one for my best buddy here."
The bartender asks, "You want both drinks now, or do you want me to
wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?"
Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my
pocket here." With that he pulls out a little three-inch man from his
pocket.
The bartender exclaims, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that
much?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink it all, and then some," the man retorted. The
bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it
all up.
"That's amazing," says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he
walk?"
Rodney flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al,
-- go fetch that quarter." The little guy runs down to the end of the
bar, picks up the quarter, runs back down and gives it to Rodney.
The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's astonishing,"
he says, in awe, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and
squawks, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey Al, tell him about that time we
were in down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor."
-<>-
_ _{Ss
//\\_/_/\Ss
_/_| \_/ \_ pb
>A woman's thoughts on life
1. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
2. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
3. If I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
5. I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.
6. This isn't clutter, these are my antiques!
7. If you don't like my attitude, call 1-800-Who Cares.
8. Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!
9. "Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!
10. Our policy is to always blame the computer.
11. I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
12. Take my advice, I'm not using it!
13. Okay! I love you! Now can we eat?
14. You know you're getting old when you stop to think and forget to
start again.
15. Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning
my face with spit on a hanky.
16. I love to give homemade gifts ... umm, which one of the kids would
you like?
17. I have a million dollar figure -- but it's all loose change!
18. By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
19. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
20. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling
passes.
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
MARINE: Pens An ‘Eff You’ Letter To ISIS After TN Terrorist Attack &
It’s Going Viral
Posted on July 19, 2015
This letter from a Marine to ISIS is melting the internet. Read and
share with your friends. Enjoy.
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
M
ike Hertz
How every single Marine feels right now:
Congratulations, ISIS.
You wanted attention, and yesterday, you got it. Only, you chose the
wrong people to seek that attention from.
You did not get the attention of our weak President. He tweeted his
support for your medieval holiday following your cowardly attack. You
did not get the attention of our useless and corrupt Congress. They
were too busy lining their pockets.
When you attacked those four Marines, you got the attention of every
one of our 186,800 active duty Marines, along with every Marine who
ever served.
You just stirred up hate, discontent, and malice within a group of
people who relish the idea of engaging the enemy.
There is something you obviously don’t yet know about Marines…
The brotherhood we share is stronger than the challenges we face, the
weapons we master, or the enemies we destroy.
You will learn that soon though.
You attacked a group of men who bond over the smell of gunpowder and
misery—and enjoy it. You didn’t attack America’s leaders, you attacked
America’s Marines, and that is a battle you are not prepared for.
You see, we won’t play by the rules you’re accustomed to seeing. When
you play in our backyard, we don’t have to answer to any chain of
command. We will not follow ridiculous ROEs crafted by a spineless
bureaucrat to appease some goat herding tribal leader. And we won’t be
wearing uniforms so that you can easily ambush us.
Nope. None of that sh&^.
When you think you’re walking into a target-rich environment, you’re
really walking into an ambush.
That pudgy, middle-aged guy wearing khakis in the mall, who unbeknownst
to you, is a former 0311 and armed, will dump your sorry A before you
have a chance to scream “allah snackbar.” And that soccer mom pushing a
stroller, she’s got a Glock and will happily leave you gasping in a
pool of your own blood before she lets you hurt her children.
We are here and we still have the training and experience to wage war,
whether here or abroad. And wage war we will. Every one of us are
willing to fight and die to protect our Marine Corps brothers and
sisters, our families and friends, and our way of life.
And we will win, because while you fight to destroy what you hate, we
fight to protect what we love.
Semper Fi!=============
---
...AMEN! Thanks PatDeE!
==============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From MRC:
ABC Complains Hillary E-Mail Controversy ‘Just Won’t Go Away’
http://email.mrc.org/q/17EQkmjrOjY8hFeq6oRQCm/wv
Bug Swarm COVERS Iowa Bridge,
Snow Plows Needed to Make Road Safe for Travel!
http://tinyurl.com/ppsj7l4
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Even the most carefully thought out scam has a flaw. The
woman in today's story had a pretty good scam, as scams
go. She would take items off the rack at Nordstrom, and
then return them to the register for a refund. And
apparently it worked pretty well, too. According to the
police she was making hundreds of dollars. But there was
one contingency she didn't plan for; what to do if she got
caught.
The woman who was accused of shoplifting at the mall in
Rhode Island, lost her life when she jumped 25 feet to the
ground in a failed attempt to flee from guards.
The 35-year-old woman, who has not been identified, was
shopping at the Providence Place Mall when a female security
officer saw her taking the clothes.
As the officer approached her, she fled through the garage
and she attempted to escape by jumping over a railing
barrier. The suspect then fell 25 feet to the grass below
and suffered serious injuries. She was rushed to Rhode
Island Hospital, where she was pronounced dead.
I don't know what kind of penalties they have in Rhode Island
for pinching a $100 blouse, but it can't be as severe as the
death penalty. The only other explanation is she thought she
was Batman.
-<>-
It is true that love is a battlefield, especially in
Pennsylvania where naked women run around the streets
stabbing each other.
Now that is how you start a story.
Allegheny County Housing Authority police were trying to
identify a naked woman who allegedly slashed or stabbed
three other women in an apparent lovers' quarrel at a
public housing complex...because where else would something
like that happen?
Police did not immediately release the names of any of the
other women involved in the incident.
Chief Mike Vogel says one woman accompanied by one friend
and another woman accompanied by two others clashed on the
street...sort of like a lesbian West Side Story.
That is when the naked woman became involved, dashing into
the fray out of nowhere like a psychotic Zorro, swinging
like crazy - and whipping her knife around too.
Police planned to charge the five women who met to fight,
as well as the naked woman - though none of the other women
would identify her.
Two women were treated at hospitals for stab or slash wounds.
*-------- You Think Getting Auto Texts Is Bad --------*
JAROSLAW, Poland, -- A Polish priest claims that "an evil
spirit" has taken over the body of a teenager, and that the
demon within the girl is sending him nasty text messages.
Father Marian Rajchel performed an exorcism on the girl;
he claims the texts started coming shortly thereafter. The
exorcism obviously didn't take. "The author of these texts
is an evil spirit who has possessed her soul," Rajchel told
local media members. "Clearly this young girl has been
possessed, and needs further help." Father Rajchel says
that it's not uncommon for demons to possesses people and
use their wireless technology. "She will not come out of
this hell. She's mine. Anyone who prays for her will die,"
read one message from the girl. "Shut up, preacher. You
cannot save yourself. Idiot. You pathetic old preacher,"
said another.
[Sounds like the kind of language a Polish demon would use.]
*---- Fish Dream Led Woman to slit husband's throat ----*
DILLONVALE, Ohio -- An Ohio woman claimed that a dream about
"filleting a fish" led to her slit her husband's throat
while he slept at their home. Judy Jones was charged with
attempted murder and aggravated assault after she allegedly
nearly killed her husband by cutting his throat from ear-
to-ear. It's believed that the husband would have died if
Jones' 16-year-old daughter had not called 911 immediately
and summoned emergency help. The couple's daughter reportedly
told investigators that her mother had been planning the
covert attack for about a year. "He's got stitches from
almost (ear to ear) so we just have to wait for it to go
through the court system," Abdalla said.
[Apparently the daughter didn't think the information about
his impending assassination was important enough to share
with her father. Thanks sweetie.]
*-- Police: Man posed as officer, set up fake station in apartment --*
WUHAN CITY, China (UPI) - Chinese police said a disgruntled
girlfriend led to the arrest of a man accused of posing as
an officer and converting his home into a fake police
station. Police in Wuhan City said the man's girlfriend
went to police when he threatened to post a sexually
explicit video of the couple online, and investigators
discovered the man had been posing as an officer named
"Inspector Lei" for at least two years. Investigators said
the fake inspector had sirens on his car and his apartment
was converted into a fake police station, complete with an
interrogation room featuring a Chinese flag and a bust of
Mao Zedong. Police said the man was posing as on officer
for a moneymaking scheme that involved selling falsified
Public Security Bureau documents and warrants to members
of the public. The man's girlfriend said she started to
doubt his honesty after some of her friends told her that
he had been flirting with them online. She said he claimed
to have been an officer in the military before becoming a
police officer. Police said the man admitted to planting
a GPS tracking device in the woman's car while it was
undergoing repairs. The items seized from the apartment
include forged documents, fake police uniforms, GPS
devices, pinhole cameras, handcuffs and batons.
*-- Squirrel gets drunk, trashes British bar --*
EVESHAM, England (UPI) - When the secretary of a
members-only bar in Britain opened up one day to find the
premises trashed, he wasn't expecting the culprit to be a
squirrel, let alone a drunk one. Sam Boulter, 62, the
secretary of the Honeybourne Railway Club near Evesham in
Worcestershire, told the BBC he found the bar covered in
beer and smashed glasses and beer bottles when he opened
up Sunday evening. After making the discovery, he said he
saw a squirrel "staggering around," coming out from behind
a box of potato chips. "There were bottles scattered
around, money scattered around, and he had obviously run
across the bar's pumps and managed to turn on the Caffrey's
tap," Boulter said. "He must have flung himself on the
handle and drank some, as he was staggering around all
over the place and moving a bit slowly. "I've never seen
a drunk squirrel before. He was sozzled and looked a bit
worse for wear, shall we say," he added. Boulter told the
Daily Mail he and two customers spent about an hour chasing
around the squirrel, trying to get him out of the bar. He
eventually caught the rodent in a trash can and let him
go out a window. He said the squirrel's antics cost the
bar about $470 in damage. "He is the rowdiest customer we
have ever had but I hope he enjoyed his lock-in," Boulter
said.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
^
,| ].
/] ] ] ]\
/] ] ] ] ] ]\
|\ | ] ] ] ] ] ] ] /|
| |\ /] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]\ /| |
| | ||| ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]|| | |
|U|U||| ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]||U|U|
|"\| |||U]U]U]U]U]U]U]U]U]|| |/"|
| \ ||| ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]|| / |
||\ \||| ]_]-'""@""`-|_] ]||/ /||
|| L |`\ , |_____| . /'| T ||
|| |\ | |{ `"""""' }| | /| ||
|`"""'| | \ / | |`"""'|
`"""""[__| |_______| |__]"""""'
`-.|"""""""|.-' Ojo'98
A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV
and suddenly yells, 'Don't enter that church, you darn fool!!!'
His wife asks him, 'What are you watching?'
Husband replies, 'Our wedding video.'
--------
Life is uncertain, which is why you should always
eat dessert first.
-------
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of
it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the
questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky
patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and
left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got
their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for
her questioning. When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to
sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition
of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be
asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go.
Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a
rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.
The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your
eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty
answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the
other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she
had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he
drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into
the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and
what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed
the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is
what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one
eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a
perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other
question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike,
what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely
blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then
the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me
hat would fall down over me eyes."
-------
Here's a touching story with a redeeming moral:
[An Et-Ahem] - Nice Guy
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and
we'd decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my
girlfriend was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing
was my finance's younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years old, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend down near me and I enjoyed many pleasant views of her
underwear. It had to be deliberate... I didn't notice her doing this
near anyone else.
One day the sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived and whispered to me that soon
I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she
could not overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me -
just before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead
with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them
down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went
straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house,
and began walking directly toward my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he
hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little
test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to our
family!"
The Moral of the story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
-------
The Confession
A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth
anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician,
who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the
presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed
in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they
waited.
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never
be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the
first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but
when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to
a terrible place.
The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had
stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost
murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his
parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with
his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not
all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of
understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late.
He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll
never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,"
said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to
go to him in confession."
Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE
---
...LOL! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>Et-Ahems! - Short Takes - Sure To Offend Someone!
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips,
ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said
'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will
power.'
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT
the correct answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about
the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it
eventually'.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the
bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any change?' I said,
'Nope, you're still black'.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like
that!
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon
sandwich works best!
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa . He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks
back up and shouts back. You're in a basket, ya dummy!
During a sudden and prolonged cold spell in Grand Forks, North Dakota
this past winter, a really stacked blonde stopped in to see her former
Chemistry Professor. "Professor, I wonder if you could tell me... er...
well... that is... I mean the exact temperature at which silicone
freezes?"
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the
curliest hair? Apparently Africa was the correct answer...heck, how
would I know they wanted the name of a country?
Today I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but irritating
everyone is a piece of cake.
---
..Oh Geesh! HaHa! Thanks Geniann!
=============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
__,--'\
__,--' :. \.
_,--' \`.
/|\ ` \ `.
/ | \ `: \ `/
/ '| \ `:. \
/ , | \ \
/ |: \ `:. \
/| ' | \ :. _,-'`.
\' |, / \ ` \ `:. _,-'_| `/
'._; \ . \ `_,-'_,-'
\' `- .\_ |\,-'_,-'
jrei `--|_,`'
`/
"Camping Tips"
Q. What equipment will I need to go camping?
A. You need a tent. Tent sizes are measured in units of men,
as in "a three-man tent"; this tells you how many men are
required to erect the tent if they are all professional tent
engineers. Even then, the tent will collapse under unusual
weather conditions, such as nightfall. You will also need a
hatchet, for the spiders, and a credit card, for the motel.
Q. Where should I go camping?
A. The United States has a spectacular national park system
with millions of unspoiled acres where wildlife is protected
by federal laws. Avoid these places. You want a commercial
facility with a name like "The Stop 'n' Squat Kountry Kamp-
ground," where large animals cannot fit through the 6-inch
gaps between the Winnebagos.
Q. How much food should I take?
A. A lot. You'll be providing food not only for your family,
but also for the entire raccoon community. When I was a boy
in rural Armonk, our garbage cans were regularly terrorized
by a gang of brilliant criminal raccoons. I recall being
awakened at 3 a.m. by loud noises and looking out the window
to see, by moonlight, my father, a peace-loving Presbyterian
minister, charging around in the bushes, wildly swinging a
baseball bat and saying non-Presbyterian words.
Of course, he did not get the raccoons; you NEVER get the
raccoons.
Q. What if I get lost?
A. If you don't have a compass, stand very still and listen
very carefully, until you hear this sound: "eh-eh-eh." That
is Canada. Whatever you do, don't go that way.
-<>-
Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome
of the Insurance policy with the man at the Insurance Agency.
During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life
insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What
will I get?"
The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably 20 to
life."
-<>-
Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were
Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody
was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done
it, but Nobody did it.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was
Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody
realized that Nobody would do it.
So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did
what Anybody could have done in the first place.
-<>-
A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an
attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her
a smile and says, "I want a quickie."
She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what
kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure
you you're not going to get a quickie here!"
"How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef
to make an exception?"
"He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress
indignantly.
"Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get
a quickie?"
"I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly.
A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on
the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE."
-<>-
Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds
was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring
at the mess. "I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid
of all this," she sighed.
"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you
can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check
out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me."
Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. Whoever would want
all this stuff wouldn't be my type."
-<>-
"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"
"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted
her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry
me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near
the gutter again."
"Wow, what an incredible story! I hope she appreciates what
you did for her."
"Not really. Even though she stunk at it, Jill hated to give
up bowling."
-<>-
When my husband pointed out my tendency to retell the same
stories over and over, I reminded him that he was just as
guilty.
"Allow me to clarify," he said in response. "I review. You
repeat."
-<>-
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had
just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had
just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen
asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly
scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a
quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."
"It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."
=========================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
>Why I Love The Lord
(Author Unknown)
You ask me why I love the Lord,
Well, friend, just let me say...
Life wasn't worth the living,
'Till the Savior came my way.
You say I miss so much of life,
Yes, friend, praise God, I do.
I miss the sin and sorrow,
That once were all I knew.
I miss the days spent seeking joy,
The long nights full of tears.
I miss the heavy burden,
That I carried through the years.
But, friend, I wouldn't have them back,
For all that life could pay.
Life wasn't worth the living,
'Till the Savior came my way.
*/The Laugh/*
|
|
| _ |
| <_> |
| |
| |
`-._ |
|`-._|
|
|
_________________________________|____
`-._ `-._ |
`-._ `-._ |
kat `-._ `-._
>Football Jokes
So the reporter asks the coach, "Is there any truth to the rumor that
your new quarterback is dumb?"
The coach replies, "Well, he makes straight A's."
The reporter, suitably impressed, says, "Wonderful!"
"But," says the coach, "his B's are kind of crooked."
--------
"Did your injury happen when you were on the football team?"
"No, sir, it happened when the football team was on me."
--------
Back in 1991, Steve Spurrier told Florida Gator fans that a fire at
Auburn's football dormitory had destroyed 20 books.
"But," he said, "the real tragedy is that 15 of them hadn't been
colored yet."
--------
Is there any truth to the rumor that college football players are
assigned uniform numbers based on their SAT score?
--------
My father is an avid football fan. During a recent season his team got
off to a poor start, and almost every Sunday afternoon Dad sat ranting
at the TV screen.
One day, after shouts of disgust, silence fell. Puzzled, my mother went
into the living room to find him quietly watching a World War II movie.
"I just switched over to something that I knew our side would win!" Dad
explained.
-<>-
>Quick Jokes
Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone
service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.
"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one.
"CTC? Who are they?"
"You know," he responded. "Call Them Collect."
----------
I got into a fight with a really big guy and he said, "I'm going to mop
the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh yeah? Why?" and I said, "Well, you won't be able to get
into the corners very well."
----------
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced
that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels.
"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that
wasn't very nice of her to do."
"You're sure right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best
towels we had .... you know the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while
we were on vacation!"
-<>-
\_/
--(_)-- .
/ \ /_\
|Q|
.-----' '-----. __
/____[SCHOOL]___\ ()))
| [] .-.-. [] | (((())
..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb
>School Jokes
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
-----
JASON: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JASON: Your name on this report card.
-----
FATHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
-----
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
-----
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
MATT: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
-----
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
_SUBSCRIBE INFO_
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in
an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all
about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
====================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Dogs Vs Cats!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogcat.html
Fun Science Ads!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/science.html
Kodak Moments!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kmoments.html
Bear Playground!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearplay.html
Pucker Up, Baby!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html
Fun With Nature!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html
Honoring Nature!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/honornature.html
Watermelon Art 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon2.html
Life's Little Oops 12!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops12.html
Playing With Food 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html
Got A Nanosecond 4?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano4.html
Germany's Waldgeist Restaurant!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/germanyr.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
You know that feeling, when you wake up in the morning, the sun is
shining, the weather is fair, and it feels like nothing can ruin your
day, only to suddenly have your delightful feeling dashed by an unlucky
(or downright stupid) event? These people surely do, as they got caught
by security cameras having quite the off day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=N2Ionf4E7iw
Mother raccoon knows that the only way her baby is going to learn
something new is if she shows him how to do it - step-by-step. Short
video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=V6ukn8aoUBY
Prestidigitation is just a fancy word for sleight-of-hand. Magicians
do it with cards, coins, cloth - anything you can hold in your hands!
But I don't think I've seen anyone better than this young kid. Check
out this video and you'll believe he's actually making the coin
disappear for real.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qBQ-ygcWkiw
This video contains some of the funniest gags I've ever seen, all
performed by the 'Just For Laughs' Canadian prank show. There are no
limits to the hilarity of these 'dad pranks.'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xDsvbFtE2_U
This beagle is very interested in what the baby is having for breakfast
as it looks much better than whatever is in his dog bowl. The beagle
decides that maybe he can work out a trade with the baby so he starts
fetching various objects and bringing them to the table in the hope
that he will be rewarded with some breakfast. It doesn't appear that he
had any luck so hopefully he'll be satisfied with his dog food.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=x4Ge6GrrPIM
---
...LOL! Super! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Crazy People!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/BqAuSxw8JyM?feature=player_embedded
---
...Love it! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
We The People
https://www.youtube.com/embed/jeYscnFpEyA
A FALCON NESTING IN A TREE
http://i.imgur.com/YW6Fufm.jpg
---
...Teehee! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Quiz: What Would Your Profession Have Been in Bible Times? -
http://tinyurl.com/okp6bvc
I Love Moms
http://tinyurl.com/pto8wxb
Dirty Water - Dangerous Fish!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/h1nEPzsFpc0?feature=player
---
...Interesting and gross! Thanks Melody!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"This week, police in Ohio had to break up a fight between
two neighbors with the last names Hall and Oates. But don't
worry. It was quickly broken up by officers Simon and
Garfunkel." -Jimmy Fallon
"A thief broke into a house in Alaska and found $100,000 but
only took $20,000. Police are searching for a man with simple
dreams." -Conan O'Brien
"There are parts of California that are as spectacular as
anywhere in the country. Especially the part of California
known as 'not L.A.'" -Craig Ferguson
"A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think
Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a
Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop
bothering me with stupid questions." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Scientists in Australia have created a pineapple that tastes
like a coconut. Took them long enough." -Jimmy Fallon
"The Army has started kicking out overweight soldiers, and
they're refusing to admit recruits that are obese. That
shows you how times have changed. Back in the '60s, you had
to go to Canada to stay out of the Army. Now, you just have
to go to McDonald's." -Jay Leno
"Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell
speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a
fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago."
-Jimmy Fallon
"Beaches in Italy are now training dogs to become lifeguards.
That should work as long as someone throws a tennis ball at
you while you're drowning." -Jimmy Fallon
"A lot of accidents are caused by bikers who don't have a
feel for the road, like the dentists and accountants that
take Harleys out on the weekend." -Craig Ferguson
"A new version of the Bible is being published that is gender-
neutral. For instance, the books of 'Mark, Luke, and John'
are now the books of 'Kris, Jean, and Terry.'" --Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
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NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
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