Can Spam & More ... :) Shangy!
>-->CAN THE SPAM! ___
_______ /__/|
/_____ /|| ||
|| ||||[]||
___|| ||||==||_________
/ ||_____||||__|| /
jro / /_______\/|__|/ /\
/ _________ /
/ /=========/ /
/ \__/___\__/_/ /
/____( )___( )____________/
// //~~\\ //~~\\ \\
// \\__// \\__// \ \\
//\\ //\\ \
|||| |||| "It says... "This is not a scam,
(_)(_) (_)(_) send $5 and make $50,000 in one
week, guaranteed."
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
>-->An ET-AHEM! From TheFunnyBone: The Ultimate Spam
Hi, even though I use a man's name online, I'm really a collective of
between 15 and 20 fabulously attractive young woman all of whom are
seriously interested in fetish culture, modelling, and hot phone sex,
we also give psychic readings, and have a sure fire method where you
can earn between $15,000 and $90,000, no, make that $100,000 every
week, all in the comfort of your own dirt laden hovel.
___________
|.---------.|
This is a chain letter, if you @)___||_ ||_______
do not send it to at least {8*8888*888{______} spam ||_______>
45,000, no, make that 75,000 @) ||_________||
people at random, you will die `----)-(----`
like in the next 5, no make that ____[=== o]___
3 minutes. |::::::::::::::|\
,;;;, jgs `-============-`()
())))))
((((((( Although we really don't like phone sex,
))))))) because that's something which really
.----'((((((('----. classy women who advertise on the internet
(| ))))) |) don't do, we'd be willing to do it for you.
'-..' ((( : '..-' You can call us yourself and experience all
| : ) : | the hot chat you want, for just $5, no,
| : : -| make that $45 every 15 seconds. Or you
| : : -| could just give us your Visa card number,
| : -| and we will give you incredibly hot chat
| : : -| until we finish accessing your account.
|_____________|
| | | Our web site has our portfolio on it, and
|_|_| if you have any questions about the photo-
(_I_) graphs, we will be happy to answer them.
jgs Y Y Remember they may look like poorly scanned
photographs from Playboy, but that was the
artistic "look" that we were trying to achieve. We are not into S&M,
but we know you probably are, so that's OK with us. We know you are
probably very lonely and desperate, but that's fine. Lonely men with
poor grooming habits who don't go out much really turn us on, until
we finish accessing your account.
.---.
But our real love is the mystical world. How many (_,/\ \
times have you said to yourself, "I'd really love (`* *( )
to get ambiguous, unverifiable advice from a total ) \= ) (
stranger over the telephone, for only $97, no make (.--' '--.)
that $142 every 5, no make that 3 milliseconds." / (_)^(_) \
We guarantee that if you are willing to believe | / \ / \ |
what we tell you, your life will take a turn in a \\ / . \ //
very surprising direction. \/\___/\/
| \_/ |
And of course we have hundreds of opportunities to \ / /
earn BIG BUCKS at home in your spare time, for no \/ /
more of an investment than it would cost to purchase ( (
a Rolls Royce, no make that two Rolls Royces, because |\ \
our legal fees have gone way up due to those 84, no jgs | \ \
make that 111, fraud suits against us. /_Y/_Y
If you are interested in any of these great opportunities call us at
1-800-IM-STUPID. That number, again is 1-800-IM-STUPID, no, make
that 1-800-IM-INCREDIBLY-STUPID, and remember, mention your checking
account number, and we'll throw in, absolutely free, 5 minutes of hot
phone sex with a person claiming to be a woman.
Or, check us out on the web at...
HTTP://www.lots.of.free.sex/no.really/its.not.a.con.game/honestly
or click... HERE
.----------------. ...for the absolute best in racy girlie
/ _H______H_ \@, pics which probably won't get you thrown
\____/ \____/ @, in jail anytime within the next fifteen
/ \ `@ minutes.
| LI LI LI | ,@
| LI LI LI | ,@' For more information about the mystic
| LI LI LI | ,@' world of hot pics and conversation
| LI LI LI |@@' while earning millions of dollars at
jgs \ /' home, please check us out.
`----------'
--------
...Gee - They forgot the biggest spammers of all - 'Big Dicks Are Us"
for those without our magic pills. You can get them fast and cheap for
those times when you need 1 hour no make that 4 hours of hot passionate
heart-attack fun instead of your usual 10 minutes, no make that 2
minutes! Just sign over your bank card for the next year! We're a HARD
habit to break!
====================================================================
+--------------------- Bizarre Foods ----------------------+
==========================================
| ,dP""8a "888888b, d8b "888b ,888" |
| 88b " 888 d88 dPY8b 88Y8b,8888 |
| `"Y8888a 888ad8P'dPaaY8b 88 Y88P888 |
| a, Y88 888 dP Y8b 88 YP 888 |
| `"8ad8P'a888a a88a;*a888aa88a a888a |
| ;*;;;;*;;;*;;;*,, |
| _,---''6ooc,*;;;*;;;*;;*d;, |
| .-' 666o6o6o6oc,*;;*;dHH; |
| .' nhhn,. 6666o66oo6o6o6cMMMMMM`. |
| / nhhhhhhhn,66666666666o6oo6MMMMMW,\ |
| .,nhhhhhhhhnhY666666666666666MMMMWHP", |
| |nhhhhhhhnhMFjj,boY6666666666MMMWWHP | |
| ``hhhhhnhWFjjjjjbbbbbboY6666MMMWWHPf ' |
| \ `mYHMFjjjjjjjjbbbbbbbbbboYHHPP"` / |
| `. ""ijjjjjjjjjmbbbbbbbbbbbbbo, ,' |
| `-._`iijjjjmMF`"bbbbb<=========. |
| `---..._______...|<[Hormel | | -Felix Lee-
| `=========' |
==========================================
Perhaps one of life's most mysterious foods is SPAM. Here
are some interesting facts that you may not have known
about the "other" other white meat.
Spam stands for Shoulder, Pork and hAM.
It was launched by the Geo. A. Hormel Company of Austin,
Minnesota, in 1937 and became a great favorite of military
cooks during WWII because it contained protein, was easy
to digest and convenient.
A six-year-old Dorset boy became addicted to Spam and ate
his way through six tins of the stuff every week for three
years. He had to be sent to a child psychiatrist to get
him back on a normal diet.
Over four billion cans of Spam have been sold worldwide.
The Hormel Plant at Austin contains an oven that cooks 450
cans of Spam a minute.
Spam came to Britain as part of the Lend Lease Act whereby
food given to the U.K. would be paid for when the war
was over. Often the only meat available, it became
indispensable until rationing ended in 1954.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
___
_______ /__/|
/_____ /|| ||
|| ||||[]||
___|| ||||==||_________
"Hhmmmm..... Foiled again! These dastardly
Terran Earth proto-beings have encoded all
vital information behind some MLM garbage!"
\ /=========/ /
/ \__/___\__/_/ /
/____(oo)___(oo)____________/
// //~~\\ //~~\\ \\
// \\__// \\__// jro \\
//\\ //\\
|||| ||||
(_)(_) (_)(_)
=================================================================
>-->From TheMouthPiece:
>If AOL Were A City...
1. You'd live in a place where no two people had the same
name.
2. You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the
time you tried to leave your house, the door would be
stuck.
3. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd
be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps
offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.
4. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every
time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic
knocks you back into your yard.
5. The local post office would tell your mother you're not a
known resident.
6. The local post office won't forward your mail to you when
you move.
7. If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week
later with a form letter saying how you "really are
important to us."
8. Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the
store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS
TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
9. Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see
your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
10. You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another
bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal
operation.
11. You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most
new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's
mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.
12. The administration would build a huge, state of the art
park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly
start demanding money.
-<>-
>Ways to Have Fun at the Expense of Others
1. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your
pen while talking to others.
3. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU
think."
6. Practice making fax and modem noises.
7. Ask people what gender they are.
8. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
9. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance
with prophesy."
10. Sing along at the opera.
11. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink
cartridge across the room.
12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head
like a parakeet.
14. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
15. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a
"croaking" noise.
16. Honk and wave to strangers.
17. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat
their complimentary mints by the cash register.
18. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE..
19. type only in lowercase.
20. dont use any punctuation either
21. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute
whole streets.
22. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you
hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
23. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
24. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing
cars to see if they slow down.
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bob :)
>Reagan's Last Words [no diss intended]
I don't know whether or not you watched the memorial
service for Ronald Reagan but if you did, you probably
noticed that Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.
President Ronald Reagan, who never missed a chance for
a good one-liner, raised his head out of his casket and
said, "I see the Clintons are finally Sleeping together."
...TeeHee A good one Bob!
-<>-
>Cards are important to woman
I put this movie up in my jokebox on JibJab here:
http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/522504/jokeid/119440
...A funny reminder to all - Thanks Bob!
=======================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Steve :)
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who
you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you....When
there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all
you need.
Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the
following small prayer for the person who sent you this.
Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they
may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace prosperity
and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Then send it on to five other people, including the one who sent it to
you. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other
people. Then sit back and watch the power of God wo rk in your life.
P . S. Five is good, but more is better.
-<>-
>Hummingbird pictures!
I made a page up for these sweet pictures here:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humming.html
Hummingbirds
...TYSM Steve!
-<>-
>Here's YOUR SIGN!
:
;;
/ |
/ |
.' :
.-' '
_.-' /
.-*" / _
.-' .' _.-*?'
.' .' .-" .' __
.' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".'
/ \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .'
: `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .'
; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+.
: .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _(
\ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_(
`*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_(
; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" (
: \| | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"'
\ | | `----**"T"" " `+. |
`. | D U H ! | ' .' :
_.-*"*- | | / / '
.-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug
"+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.'
"" +----------------+
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve,"
was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order
six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and
the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up
one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she
said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed
my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid
her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into
my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)
would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm,
too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it
and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the
door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the
batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
"blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large ba nk. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming
from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs
to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be
fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!
Life is tough.
It's even tougher if you're stupid.
----
...*Giggles* Thanks Steve!
===================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Budha :)
>Daddy's Poem
.--..-""""-..--.
///`/////////\`\\\
||/ |///""\\\| \||
## ( 6. 6 ) ##
/_\ \ _. / /_\
_`) (`_
/` '--' `\
/ _,,_ \
Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.
|><|~|><|
/(((9)))\
//) -_- (\\
(((( ._. ))))
))))---((((
((((`---'))))
(___|xXxXx|___)
\ | | /
/ ^ ^ ^ \
/ \
(_._._._._._)
\ | /
( | )
| | |
hjw |-|-|
/`-^-'\
(__,^.__)
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"
With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.
___ .~- ` `' "' ` -~. ____
:~+.-` .-"-. .-"~._ `-.+~:
! / -` ` `'--~:.l
:' . '.
/ ;
/-". : . \`
.` /.-"\ : `- ^ :`
^ "` `. \:'._ \ `!`
: :-===-. .-===-.\ .!/'.
'.; / . : :
: `.l .mPm.\ .mPm. |/ l
. : :': |
\ ' d: ' / :
: '-: " :-;: `
. . ._..._. :::` _
/ :: ;::;. !
. . :;:. .::::;: '
. : : : `:::'. .'::::;::. \
'/. . . `::l '-. .-' '|:::::::. ;
: |: :: ::__`.-. _.-.::::::_ ;
.~"` \ \ :`"/ `-..- ` \"`// "~.
/ \ \ . ___ /\ ___ .// \
: \ \.-` _.~l)=~ `' -.:"
` '/ . ":`-. \ :
. -:: _lm. .` zi. |
\ /`-' :::- ::.:
: !:` ":
: . '
"-._:: ^: . ;
`-" \::_.~'
: : :
' ' :
' :
"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.
You see he is a Marine
and died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special
person, an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them, but then an entire
life to forget them.
Send this to the people you'll never forget and
remember to send it also to the person that sent
it to you It's a short message to let them know
that you'll never forget them.
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your
friends.
Take the time...to live and love.
Until eternity. God bless
----------
...Sweet! Thanks Budha! AND God Bless You Too!
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fig :)
This is so true,
__
| +|
,,,|__|
$$$ , ,
$$C >
$$$; _<
_______/ /_ ___
| |__` \~/o\ _,]-]___]-----> it's scary!
| / \( ) )\/.-//
_( \ ) / \ |
//| / ,/ \/
'/ o \
/ o \
/______/\_\
>Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
FOR MY FRIENDS OVER 40 ( & those getting close.)
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D .
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my lawn.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over
at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there
is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the
mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk
mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice
that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and
take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the
mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as
well pay the bills first.
I take my cheque book off the table, and see that
there is only one cheque left.
My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I
go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of
Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need
to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally
knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm,
and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to
keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase
of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need
to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover
my reading glasses that I've been searching for all
morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but
first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a
container with water and suddenly I spot the TV
remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I
will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember
that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it
back in the living room where it belongs, but first
I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit
of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get
some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I
was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the lawn isn't watered,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only one cheque in my cheque book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
I don't remember what I did with the car keys,
and my neighbor called to tell me he turned off the
hose that was flooding the driveway.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done
today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy
all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is
a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for
it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
Do me a favour, will you? Forward this message to
everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it
has been sent.
Laugh hard 'cuz if this isn't you yet,
.-------.
!_______!
(((`\\\ )))
(((_o___o_)))
((! !)'
!_______!
l l
unknown
your day is coming!
GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC.
Notice the big print!!!
-------------
...TeeHee! Thanks Fig!
================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
...I've gotten several emails from people wanting ENGLISH in America
>soooo From AFA:
Help make English our official language
A common language, not “diversity,” makes our country stronger
Without a common language, citizens cannot communicate with each
other. Any child growing up in America without knowing English is
at a distinct disadvantage. At a time when our society is becoming
more fragmented, we need an official, common language. Diverse
cultures, different backgrounds and varied traditions enrich our
culture. But for the nation to thrive, we must have a common language.
As Ed Feulner points out, “instead of having one official language,
in practice we have dozens.”
Take Action
Send an email urging members of Congress to make English the official
language.
Click Here:
http://www.capwiz.com/afanet/issues/alert/?alertid=9422236&type=CO
Click me
Please forward this to friends and family asking them to help.
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Thief uses hugs to steal from drunks ----------
__.------.
(__ ___ )
.)e )\ /
/_.------
_/_ _/
__.' / ' `-.__
/ <.--' `\
/ \ \c |
/ / ) GoT x \
| /\ |c / \.- \
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/ _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<>
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BUFFALO, N.Y. - Police in Buffalo, N.Y., say a woman
nicknamed the "Hugging Bandit" has been targeting drunks
for years, folding them in her arms and lifting their
wallets. Investigators say they have a suspect, the
Buffalo News reported Thursday. But many victims are too
embarrassed to come forward -- and those who do are usually
unable to provide a good identification of the woman. "As
far as I can tell, she waits until it's late at night and
these guys coming out of the bars are tipsy," said
Detective Sgt. Tom Donovan. "They're either going to their
car or going to the hot dog vendor... She makes sure
they're rip-roaring drunk." The "Hugging Bandit," described
as a heavy-set woman, works the Chippewa Street area, the
city's red-light district, between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. She
approaches men and offers sexual services, hugging them
when they turn her down. Police believe the woman is more
interested in cash and credit cards than theft. The victim's
cards are typically used for purchases within a few hours.
-- Roaches Bugging Milwaukee judges -------------
,--. ,---.
/ '. / \
\ ;
\-|
(- -) I Just LOVE Judges!
/`v'\/;
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| /| ---- |\ |
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.: Ralph & Son :.
MILWAUKEE - Criminals sometimes are referred to as roaches
but it's the real thing bugging Milwaukee County Courthouse
judges. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports the court-
house complex is infested. Chief Judge Kitty Brennan even
offered to bag up a few for maintenance officials "in case
you want evidence." Court Commissioner Barry Slagle took
the initiative and put four critters in a zip-lock bag --
one of them 4 inches long. He even named two of them:
Grossman (in honor of Chicago Bears quarterback Rex
Grossman) and Junior (the smallest of the lot). Grossman
(the roach) was found by prisoners in a holding cell the
day after the Bears lost the Super Bowl to Indianapolis,
Slagle said. Maintenance officials have yet to determine
the source of the infestation, although an old locker room
is the top candidate. Cleaning routines slipped following
a round of custodial layoffs about three years ago, the
Journal Sentinel said.
--- Road Rage: Woman Tired Of Tailgating -----------
DETROIT, A Michigan woman tired of being tailgated on her
morning commute pulled out a 9mm pistol and tried to shoot
the tire of the offending vehicle. "I'm tired of people
tailgating me," she told a Macomb County (Mich.) Sheriff's
Deputy after she was pulled over just off Interstate 94. The
Detroit Free Press said the 46-year-old driver of a Dodge Ram
pickup was riding the bumper of a 1993 Chevrolet Cavalier.
The 39-year-old woman fired one shot when the pickup pulled
alongside her small car. She missed the tire. The woman was
arraigned Thursday in district court on three felony charges
including assault with a dangerous weapon and discharge of a
weapon from a vehicle. She had a permit for the handgun.
=============================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
PONDERISMS
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see 'em tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look there anyway?
If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he doesn't like
it, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address?
-<>-
When in High School, a boy had a lot of difficulties with his Science
Subjects. An advanced student finally produced an explanation: “If it
moves, it is Biology. If it reacts, it is Chemistry. If it doesn’t
work, it is Physics.”
-<>-
Scientist to Laboratory Technician: “At last! A chemical with a name
short enough, so that it fits on our food label”
-<>-
DIET TIPS
If no one sees you eat it --- it has no calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar they cancel each other out.
When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the
same amount.
Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts such as: Hot Chocolate,
Brandy, Toast and Sarah Lee cheesecake.
If YOU fatten up EVERYONE ELSE around you--then YOU look thinner.
Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the
entire entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel,
such as Milk Duds, popcorn with extra butter, and Junior Mints.
-<>-
All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend enough time
considering how their online names might appear... or be misread.
These are not made up.
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that
represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales
www.molestationnursery.com/
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com/
8. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
www.speedofart.com/
=======================================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
The Experiment
A priest, a Vicar and a Rabbi all preached in the same town in America.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really
all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment.
They would all go out into the woods,
.--. .--.
: (\ ". _......_ ." /) :
'. ` ` .'
/' _ _ `\
/ 0} {0 \
| / \ |
| /' `\ |
\ | . .==. . | /
'._ \.' \__/ './ _.'
jgs / ``'._-''-_.'`` \
`--`
find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has
various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods
to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the
Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to
slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and,
Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is
coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and
both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone
oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I
went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear
from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So
I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill,
UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED
him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as
_,-""`""-~`)
(`~ \ gentle as a lamb.
| a a \
; o ; ___ _,,,,_ _.-~'.
\ `^` /`_.-"~ `~-;` \
\_ _ .' `, |
|`- \'__/
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/ .-""~~--. `"-, ;_ /
| \ \ | `""`
\__.--'`"-. /_ |'
`"` `~~~---.., |
jgs \ _.-'`-.
\ \
'. /
`"~"`
We spent the rest of the evening praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He
was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and
out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not
have been the best way to start things out with my bear".
-<>-
Helping the Pope
One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard
that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan
of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."
Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself.
Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pope. Shortly after
take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his bag and began
working on it.
"This is fantastic", thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at
crosswords.
Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said, "Excuse me,
but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in
'unt'?
The man was in shock. He could only think of one word that fit the
description and he was not about to say it to the Pope. The gentleman
thought for a while longer, and then it hit him. Turning to the pope,
the gentleman said, "I think you're looking for the word 'aunt'."
"Of course!" said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"
====================================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
AT THE CROSSROADS
,
__ _.-"` `'-.
/||\'._ __{}_(
|||| |'--.__\
| L.( ^_\^
\ .-' | _ |
| | )\___/
| \-'`:._]
jgs \__/; '-.
The traffic light wasn't working at the corner, so a lady stood with
a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed
traffic.
Finally, the cop blew his whistle and stopped the eastbound traffic,
motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The crowd
surged across the intersection -- all except the lady, who stayed on
the corner. When the walkers were safely on the other side of the
street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection.
Half a minute later, he stopped the cars westbound traffic, and sent
the eastbound traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the lady's
corner; where by this time a crowd of people had again joined her.
Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!" The crowd crossed the street, but
again the lady stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her
foot as if she was in a hurry to get somewhere, but never budged from
the sidewalk. The cop ran the traffic through seven more cycles, each
time blowing his whistle and then yelling "Okay, pedestrians!" the
Lady never moved. Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!"
for the eighth time, The woman shouted across traffic, "Hey! Officer!
Isn't it about time you let us Pentecostals cross?"
-<>-
ES 1: 22 for he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into
every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people
after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own
house, and should speak according to the language of his people.
>Letters from the King
John Kass, a columnist for the Chicago Tribune, recently wrote
about a waiter named Bouch who works at a tavern in Chicago. Bouch
decided to write to the King of his homeland, Morocco. The King,
Mohammed VI, is immensely popular because he often interacts with his
subjects in public. He has freed political prisoners, and he helps
the poor and disabled. When Bouch wrote to him from Chicago, King
Mohammed VI, true to nature, wrote back.
"Look at the letters," said Bouch. "These are letters from the King.
If I meet him, I'll be so happy."
John Kass, the columnist, muses, "How many guys hauling beer and
burgers in a Chicago tavern have a correspondence going with a royal
monarch?" The columnist talked to Morocco's deputy counsel general in
Chicago and was told that it isn't unusual for the King to write
personal letters to his subjects abroad. "It happens a lot," the
official said. "He loves his subjects."
You think King Mohammed VI loves his subjects? You ought to meet
Jesus, the King of Kings, and read his precious letters to you. In
fact, He and His Father wrote a whole book just for you.
Citation: Lee Eclov, Lake Forest, Illinois; source: John Kass,
"Waiter's Pen Pal Just a Cool Guy Who Runs a Country," Chicago
Tribune (7-23-01
By way of http://www.PreachingToday.com/
To subscribe send an e-mail to:
Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
========================================================================
>-->FUN Places to Net Visit :)
[AOL And Others may have to copy and paste these links]
>Shangy's Surfing
How to Win Friends and Influence People
This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936
http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html
Some of you got a personal invite to StumbleUpon from me.
StumbleUpon is a Free web-browser extension which acts as an
intelligent browsing tool for discovering and sharing web sites;
http://www.stumbleupon.com/
-<>-
>From LynnLynn Links:
Kaye & Betty w/Freedom Of Speech
http://youngwithin.co.uk/freedomofspeech.html
Who Is He?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poetry/who.html
Driftwood Horses:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horse.html
Dreamy Ladies
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html
Connie Sue w/ Friendship
http://www.thensingsmysoul.net/Friendship.html
War Pics: Daily
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sleep.html
War Pics: Humor
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sleep.html
War Pics: Sleepy?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sleep.html
Melva w/
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Rogs_Poems/R_Magnet.html
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet,
send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
-<>-
>From TheMouthPiece:
Be a WORDSMITH!
The editors of The American Heritage® College Dictionary have
compiled a list of 100 words they recommend each high school
graduate should know.
http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/booksellers/press_release/100words/
Be A WordSmith!
Celebrity Wonder
Find the latest Celebrity News, Movie Trailers and Movie Reviews.
http://www.celebritywonder.com/
Celebrity Wonder
To join http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/mouthpiece.html
Subscribe
-<>-
>From InspiredBuffalo:
Worth watching for everyone. Especially for women.
http://video.sheriff.org/psa_cartheft.shtml
==================================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always
find people on your side that you wish were on the other."
--Jascha Heifetz
"Here’s the thing about show business. It’s so competitive.
You ever notice this about show business? Competitive and
envious. One day Britney Spears gets her head shaved. Not
to be out done, today Rosie O’Donnell shaved her back."
--David Letterman
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with
firmness, can be trained to do most things."
--Jilly Cooper
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool
of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
-- Laurence J. Peter
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Wow Baby :)Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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Subscribe
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>TO UNSUBSCRIBE:
Remove
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-->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication?
>To ADVERTISE:
Advertise
************************************************************************
-->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES IN CHRIST','IN The Beginning',
'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy',
'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law'
--BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or yyou'll get them all :)
>For a Lesson:
Teaching
************************************************************************
--Want TIPS to help TEACH A CHILD TO BE SAFEE and STOP ABDUCTIONS?
Child Help
************************************************************************
--PHYSICIAN FORMULAS = THE BEST PLACE TO GETT IT: Wanta know more?
>Visit their Web Site:
PhysicianFormulas
************************************************************************
PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS
They keep our service "priceless"
-->LET'S Have FUN and Do Some SHOPPING!!
We've got patches, Phones, Almonds, and Chains,
Furniture, Chocolates, Cheese, and Games.
Clothing, flowers, dishes, and shoes,
Desserts, Cherished Teddies, and Auto Tools.
We've got NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA,
Disney, Name a star, Movies, and KinKade.
Jewelry, furs, leather, and lighting,
Music, instruments, and magazines at best pricing.
>Beat The Crowds - Let Your MOUSE Do the Walking! :)
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/yellow.html
Get It Here
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