Can Spam & More ... :) Shangy! >-->CAN THE SPAM! ___ _______ /__/| /_____ /|| || || ||||[]|| ___|| ||||==||_________ / ||_____||||__|| / jro / /_______\/|__|/ /\ / _________ / / /=========/ / / \__/___\__/_/ / /____( )___( )____________/ // //~~\\ //~~\\ \\ // \\__// \\__// \ \\ //\\ //\\ \ |||| |||| "It says... "This is not a scam, (_)(_) (_)(_) send $5 and make $50,000 in one week, guaranteed." [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] >-->An ET-AHEM! From TheFunnyBone: The Ultimate Spam Hi, even though I use a man's name online, I'm really a collective of between 15 and 20 fabulously attractive young woman all of whom are seriously interested in fetish culture, modelling, and hot phone sex, we also give psychic readings, and have a sure fire method where you can earn between $15,000 and $90,000, no, make that $100,000 every week, all in the comfort of your own dirt laden hovel. ___________ |.---------.| This is a chain letter, if you @)___||_ ||_______ do not send it to at least {8*8888*888{______} spam ||_______> 45,000, no, make that 75,000 @) ||_________|| people at random, you will die `----)-(----` like in the next 5, no make that ____[=== o]___ 3 minutes. |::::::::::::::|\ ,;;;, jgs `-============-`() ()))))) ((((((( Although we really don't like phone sex, ))))))) because that's something which really .----'((((((('----. classy women who advertise on the internet (| ))))) |) don't do, we'd be willing to do it for you. '-..' ((( : '..-' You can call us yourself and experience all | : ) : | the hot chat you want, for just $5, no, | : : -| make that $45 every 15 seconds. Or you | : : -| could just give us your Visa card number, | : -| and we will give you incredibly hot chat | : : -| until we finish accessing your account. |_____________| | | | Our web site has our portfolio on it, and |_|_| if you have any questions about the photo- (_I_) graphs, we will be happy to answer them. jgs Y Y Remember they may look like poorly scanned photographs from Playboy, but that was the artistic "look" that we were trying to achieve. We are not into S&M, but we know you probably are, so that's OK with us. We know you are probably very lonely and desperate, but that's fine. Lonely men with poor grooming habits who don't go out much really turn us on, until we finish accessing your account. .---. But our real love is the mystical world. How many (_,/\ \ times have you said to yourself, "I'd really love (`* *( ) to get ambiguous, unverifiable advice from a total ) \= ) ( stranger over the telephone, for only $97, no make (.--' '--.) that $142 every 5, no make that 3 milliseconds." / (_)^(_) \ We guarantee that if you are willing to believe | / \ / \ | what we tell you, your life will take a turn in a \\ / . \ // very surprising direction. \/\___/\/ | \_/ | And of course we have hundreds of opportunities to \ / / earn BIG BUCKS at home in your spare time, for no \/ / more of an investment than it would cost to purchase ( ( a Rolls Royce, no make that two Rolls Royces, because |\ \ our legal fees have gone way up due to those 84, no jgs | \ \ make that 111, fraud suits against us. /_Y/_Y If you are interested in any of these great opportunities call us at 1-800-IM-STUPID. That number, again is 1-800-IM-STUPID, no, make that 1-800-IM-INCREDIBLY-STUPID, and remember, mention your checking account number, and we'll throw in, absolutely free, 5 minutes of hot phone sex with a person claiming to be a woman. Or, check us out on the web at... HTTP://www.lots.of.free.sex/no.really/its.not.a.con.game/honestly or click... HERE .----------------. ...for the absolute best in racy girlie / _H______H_ \@, pics which probably won't get you thrown \____/ \____/ @, in jail anytime within the next fifteen / \ `@ minutes. | LI LI LI | ,@ | LI LI LI | ,@' For more information about the mystic | LI LI LI | ,@' world of hot pics and conversation | LI LI LI |@@' while earning millions of dollars at jgs \ /' home, please check us out. `----------' -------- ...Gee - They forgot the biggest spammers of all - 'Big Dicks Are Us" for those without our magic pills. You can get them fast and cheap for those times when you need 1 hour no make that 4 hours of hot passionate heart-attack fun instead of your usual 10 minutes, no make that 2 minutes! Just sign over your bank card for the next year! We're a HARD habit to break! ==================================================================== +--------------------- Bizarre Foods ----------------------+ ========================================== | ,dP""8a "888888b, d8b "888b ,888" | | 88b " 888 d88 dPY8b 88Y8b,8888 | | `"Y8888a 888ad8P'dPaaY8b 88 Y88P888 | | a, Y88 888 dP Y8b 88 YP 888 | | `"8ad8P'a888a a88a;*a888aa88a a888a | | ;*;;;;*;;;*;;;*,, | | _,---''6ooc,*;;;*;;;*;;*d;, | | .-' 666o6o6o6oc,*;;*;dHH; | | .' nhhn,. 6666o66oo6o6o6cMMMMMM`. | | / nhhhhhhhn,66666666666o6oo6MMMMMW,\ | | .,nhhhhhhhhnhY666666666666666MMMMWHP", | | |nhhhhhhhnhMFjj,boY6666666666MMMWWHP | | | ``hhhhhnhWFjjjjjbbbbbboY6666MMMWWHPf ' | | \ `mYHMFjjjjjjjjbbbbbbbbbboYHHPP"` / | | `. ""ijjjjjjjjjmbbbbbbbbbbbbbo, ,' | | `-._`iijjjjmMF`"bbbbb<=========. | | `---..._______...|<[Hormel | | -Felix Lee- | `=========' | ========================================== Perhaps one of life's most mysterious foods is SPAM. Here are some interesting facts that you may not have known about the "other" other white meat. Spam stands for Shoulder, Pork and hAM. It was launched by the Geo. A. Hormel Company of Austin, Minnesota, in 1937 and became a great favorite of military cooks during WWII because it contained protein, was easy to digest and convenient. A six-year-old Dorset boy became addicted to Spam and ate his way through six tins of the stuff every week for three years. He had to be sent to a child psychiatrist to get him back on a normal diet. Over four billion cans of Spam have been sold worldwide. The Hormel Plant at Austin contains an oven that cooks 450 cans of Spam a minute. Spam came to Britain as part of the Lend Lease Act whereby food given to the U.K. would be paid for when the war was over. Often the only meat available, it became indispensable until rationing ended in 1954. [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] ___ _______ /__/| /_____ /|| || || ||||[]|| ___|| ||||==||_________ "Hhmmmm..... Foiled again! These dastardly Terran Earth proto-beings have encoded all vital information behind some MLM garbage!" \ /=========/ / / \__/___\__/_/ / /____(oo)___(oo)____________/ // //~~\\ //~~\\ \\ // \\__// \\__// jro \\ //\\ //\\ |||| |||| (_)(_) (_)(_) ================================================================= >-->From TheMouthPiece: >If AOL Were A City... 1. You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name. 2. You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. 3. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99. 4. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard. 5. The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident. 6. The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move. 7. If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us." 8. Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE." 9. Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back. 10. You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation. 11. You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up. 12. The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money. -<>- >Ways to Have Fun at the Expense of Others 1. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 3. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 6. Practice making fax and modem noises. 7. Ask people what gender they are. 8. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 9. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 10. Sing along at the opera. 11. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 14. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 15. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. 16. Honk and wave to strangers. 17. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 18. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.. 19. type only in lowercase. 20. dont use any punctuation either 21. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 22. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 23. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 24. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bob :) >Reagan's Last Words [no diss intended] I don't know whether or not you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan but if you did, you probably noticed that Bill and Hillary were both dozing off. President Ronald Reagan, who never missed a chance for a good one-liner, raised his head out of his casket and said, "I see the Clintons are finally Sleeping together." ...TeeHee A good one Bob! -<>- >Cards are important to woman I put this movie up in my jokebox on JibJab here: http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/522504/jokeid/119440 ...A funny reminder to all - Thanks Bob! ======================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Steve :) God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go. I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you....When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this. Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. In Jesus Name, Amen. Then send it on to five other people, including the one who sent it to you. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God wo rk in your life. P . S. Five is good, but more is better. -<>- >Hummingbird pictures! I made a page up for these sweet pictures here: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humming.html Hummingbirds ...TYSM Steve! -<>- >Here's YOUR SIGN! : ;; / | / | .' : .-' ' _.-' / .-*" / _ .-' .' _.-*?' .' .' .-" .' __ .' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".' / \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .' : `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .' ; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+. : .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _( \ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_( `*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_( ; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" ( : \| | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"' \ | | `----**"T"" " `+. | `. | D U H ! | ' .' : _.-*"*- | | / / ' .-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug "+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.' "" +----------------+ ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy." FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk." FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large ba nk. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room! Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid. ---- ...*Giggles* Thanks Steve! =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Budha :) >Daddy's Poem .--..-""""-..--. ///`/////////\`\\\ ||/ |///""\\\| \|| ## ( 6. 6 ) ## /_\ \ _. / /_\ _`) (`_ /` '--' `\ / _,,_ \ Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone. But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home. But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats One by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed. At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there. |><|~|><| /(((9)))\ //) -_- (\\ (((( ._. )))) ))))---(((( ((((`---')))) (___|xXxXx|___) \ | | / / ^ ^ ^ \ / \ (_._._._._._) \ | / ( | ) | | | hjw |-|-| /`-^-'\ (__,^.__) "Where's her daddy at?" She heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day." The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom. And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique. "My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. "Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart" With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud. ___ .~- ` `' "' ` -~. ____ :~+.-` .-"-. .-"~._ `-.+~: ! / -` ` `'--~:.l :' . '. / ; /-". : . \` .` /.-"\ : `- ^ :` ^ "` `. \:'._ \ `!` : :-===-. .-===-.\ .!/'. '.; / . : : : `.l .mPm.\ .mPm. |/ l . : :': | \ ' d: ' / : : '-: " :-;: ` . . ._..._. :::` _ / :: ;::;. ! . . :;:. .::::;: ' . : : : `:::'. .'::::;::. \ '/. . . `::l '-. .-' '|:::::::. ; : |: :: ::__`.-. _.-.::::::_ ; .~"` \ \ :`"/ `-..- ` \"`// "~. / \ \ . ___ /\ ___ .// \ : \ \.-` _.~l)=~ `' -.:" ` '/ . ":`-. \ : . -:: _lm. .` zi. | \ /`-' :::- ::.: : !:` ": : . ' "-._:: ^: . ; `-" \::_.~' : : : ' ' : ' : "I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he is a Marine and died just this past year When a roadside bomb hit his convoy and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away." And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mothers amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side. "I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose. And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends. Take the time...to live and love. Until eternity. God bless ---------- ...Sweet! Thanks Budha! AND God Bless You Too! ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fig :) This is so true, __ | +| ,,,|__| $$$ , , $$C > $$$; _< _______/ /_ ___ | |__` \~/o\ _,]-]___]-----> it's scary! | / \( ) )\/.-// _( \ ) / \ | //| / ,/ \/ '/ o \ / o \ /______/\_\ >Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder FOR MY FRIENDS OVER 40 ( & those getting close.) Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D . Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it manifests: I decide to water my lawn. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the lawn isn't watered, the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only one cheque in my cheque book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, I don't remember what I did with the car keys, and my neighbor called to tell me he turned off the hose that was flooding the driveway. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail. Do me a favour, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent. Laugh hard 'cuz if this isn't you yet, .-------. !_______! (((`\\\ ))) (((_o___o_))) ((! !)' !_______! l l unknown your day is coming! GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC. Notice the big print!!! ------------- ...TeeHee! Thanks Fig! ================================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: ...I've gotten several emails from people wanting ENGLISH in America >soooo From AFA: Help make English our official language A common language, not “diversity,” makes our country stronger Without a common language, citizens cannot communicate with each other. Any child growing up in America without knowing English is at a distinct disadvantage. At a time when our society is becoming more fragmented, we need an official, common language. Diverse cultures, different backgrounds and varied traditions enrich our culture. But for the nation to thrive, we must have a common language. As Ed Feulner points out, “instead of having one official language, in practice we have dozens.” Take Action Send an email urging members of Congress to make English the official language. Click Here: http://www.capwiz.com/afanet/issues/alert/?alertid=9422236&type=CO Click me Please forward this to friends and family asking them to help. -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Thief uses hugs to steal from drunks ---------- __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' BUFFALO, N.Y. - Police in Buffalo, N.Y., say a woman nicknamed the "Hugging Bandit" has been targeting drunks for years, folding them in her arms and lifting their wallets. Investigators say they have a suspect, the Buffalo News reported Thursday. But many victims are too embarrassed to come forward -- and those who do are usually unable to provide a good identification of the woman. "As far as I can tell, she waits until it's late at night and these guys coming out of the bars are tipsy," said Detective Sgt. Tom Donovan. "They're either going to their car or going to the hot dog vendor... She makes sure they're rip-roaring drunk." The "Hugging Bandit," described as a heavy-set woman, works the Chippewa Street area, the city's red-light district, between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. She approaches men and offers sexual services, hugging them when they turn her down. Police believe the woman is more interested in cash and credit cards than theft. The victim's cards are typically used for purchases within a few hours. -- Roaches Bugging Milwaukee judges ------------- ,--. ,---. / '. / \ \ ; \-| (- -) I Just LOVE Judges! /`v'\/; ,-----/ ,---/)--. ,' ; ( /////// ) /) ,---| -`-----(\' ; | ---- | ' (| ,-| ---- |-. | /| ---- |\ | |/ | ---- | \| \ : ---- ; | \ \ -- / / ; \ / : / / \/ \ \ /) (\ -hrr- .: Ralph & Son :. MILWAUKEE - Criminals sometimes are referred to as roaches but it's the real thing bugging Milwaukee County Courthouse judges. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports the court- house complex is infested. Chief Judge Kitty Brennan even offered to bag up a few for maintenance officials "in case you want evidence." Court Commissioner Barry Slagle took the initiative and put four critters in a zip-lock bag -- one of them 4 inches long. He even named two of them: Grossman (in honor of Chicago Bears quarterback Rex Grossman) and Junior (the smallest of the lot). Grossman (the roach) was found by prisoners in a holding cell the day after the Bears lost the Super Bowl to Indianapolis, Slagle said. Maintenance officials have yet to determine the source of the infestation, although an old locker room is the top candidate. Cleaning routines slipped following a round of custodial layoffs about three years ago, the Journal Sentinel said. --- Road Rage: Woman Tired Of Tailgating ----------- DETROIT, A Michigan woman tired of being tailgated on her morning commute pulled out a 9mm pistol and tried to shoot the tire of the offending vehicle. "I'm tired of people tailgating me," she told a Macomb County (Mich.) Sheriff's Deputy after she was pulled over just off Interstate 94. The Detroit Free Press said the 46-year-old driver of a Dodge Ram pickup was riding the bumper of a 1993 Chevrolet Cavalier. The 39-year-old woman fired one shot when the pickup pulled alongside her small car. She missed the tire. The woman was arraigned Thursday in district court on three felony charges including assault with a dangerous weapon and discharge of a weapon from a vehicle. She had a permit for the handgun. ============================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: PONDERISMS I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see 'em tumble down the stairs. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look there anyway? If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he doesn't like it, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address? -<>- When in High School, a boy had a lot of difficulties with his Science Subjects. An advanced student finally produced an explanation: “If it moves, it is Biology. If it reacts, it is Chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it is Physics.” -<>- Scientist to Laboratory Technician: “At last! A chemical with a name short enough, so that it fits on our food label” -<>- DIET TIPS If no one sees you eat it --- it has no calories. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar they cancel each other out. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts such as: Hot Chocolate, Brandy, Toast and Sarah Lee cheesecake. If YOU fatten up EVERYONE ELSE around you--then YOU look thinner. Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel, such as Milk Duds, popcorn with extra butter, and Junior Mints. -<>- All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend enough time considering how their online names might appear... or be misread. These are not made up. 1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com 6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales www.molestationnursery.com/ 7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com/ 8. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com/ ======================================================================= >-->From The Jokester: The Experiment A priest, a Vicar and a Rabbi all preached in the same town in America. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, .--. .--. : (\ ". _......_ ." /) : '. ` ` .' /' _ _ `\ / 0} {0 \ | / \ | | /' `\ | \ | . .==. . | / '._ \.' \__/ './ _.' jgs / ``'._-''-_.'`` \ `--` find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as _,-""`""-~`) (`~ \ gentle as a lamb. | a a \ ; o ; ___ _,,,,_ _.-~'. \ `^` /`_.-"~ `~-;` \ \_ _ .' `, | |`- \'__/ / ,_ \ `'-. / .-""~~--. `"-, ;_ / | \ \ | `""` \__.--'`"-. /_ |' `"` `~~~---.., | jgs \ _.-'`-. \ \ '. / `"~"` We spent the rest of the evening praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear". -<>- Helping the Pope One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person." Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pope. Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his bag and began working on it. "This is fantastic", thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance." Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'? The man was in shock. He could only think of one word that fit the description and he was not about to say it to the Pope. The gentleman thought for a while longer, and then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think you're looking for the word 'aunt'." "Of course!" said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?" ==================================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: AT THE CROSSROADS , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. The traffic light wasn't working at the corner, so a lady stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic. Finally, the cop blew his whistle and stopped the eastbound traffic, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The crowd surged across the intersection -- all except the lady, who stayed on the corner. When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars westbound traffic, and sent the eastbound traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the lady's corner; where by this time a crowd of people had again joined her. Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!" The crowd crossed the street, but again the lady stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot as if she was in a hurry to get somewhere, but never budged from the sidewalk. The cop ran the traffic through seven more cycles, each time blowing his whistle and then yelling "Okay, pedestrians!" the Lady never moved. Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the eighth time, The woman shouted across traffic, "Hey! Officer! Isn't it about time you let us Pentecostals cross?" -<>- ES 1: 22 for he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house, and should speak according to the language of his people. >Letters from the King John Kass, a columnist for the Chicago Tribune, recently wrote about a waiter named Bouch who works at a tavern in Chicago. Bouch decided to write to the King of his homeland, Morocco. The King, Mohammed VI, is immensely popular because he often interacts with his subjects in public. He has freed political prisoners, and he helps the poor and disabled. When Bouch wrote to him from Chicago, King Mohammed VI, true to nature, wrote back. "Look at the letters," said Bouch. "These are letters from the King. If I meet him, I'll be so happy." John Kass, the columnist, muses, "How many guys hauling beer and burgers in a Chicago tavern have a correspondence going with a royal monarch?" The columnist talked to Morocco's deputy counsel general in Chicago and was told that it isn't unusual for the King to write personal letters to his subjects abroad. "It happens a lot," the official said. "He loves his subjects." You think King Mohammed VI loves his subjects? You ought to meet Jesus, the King of Kings, and read his precious letters to you. In fact, He and His Father wrote a whole book just for you. Citation: Lee Eclov, Lake Forest, Illinois; source: John Kass, "Waiter's Pen Pal Just a Cool Guy Who Runs a Country," Chicago Tribune (7-23-01 By way of http://www.PreachingToday.com/ To subscribe send an e-mail to: Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ======================================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit :) [AOL And Others may have to copy and paste these links] >Shangy's Surfing How to Win Friends and Influence People This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936 http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html Some of you got a personal invite to StumbleUpon from me. StumbleUpon is a Free web-browser extension which acts as an intelligent browsing tool for discovering and sharing web sites; http://www.stumbleupon.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: Kaye & Betty w/Freedom Of Speech http://youngwithin.co.uk/freedomofspeech.html Who Is He? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poetry/who.html Driftwood Horses: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horse.html Dreamy Ladies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html Connie Sue w/ Friendship http://www.thensingsmysoul.net/Friendship.html War Pics: Daily http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sleep.html War Pics: Humor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sleep.html War Pics: Sleepy? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sleep.html Melva w/ http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Rogs_Poems/R_Magnet.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com -<>- >From TheMouthPiece: Be a WORDSMITH! The editors of The American Heritage® College Dictionary have compiled a list of 100 words they recommend each high school graduate should know. http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/booksellers/press_release/100words/ Be A WordSmith! Celebrity Wonder Find the latest Celebrity News, Movie Trailers and Movie Reviews. http://www.celebritywonder.com/ Celebrity Wonder To join http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/mouthpiece.html Subscribe -<>- >From InspiredBuffalo: Worth watching for everyone. Especially for women. http://video.sheriff.org/psa_cartheft.shtml ================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other." --Jascha Heifetz "Here’s the thing about show business. It’s so competitive. You ever notice this about show business? Competitive and envious. One day Britney Spears gets her head shaved. Not to be out done, today Rosie O’Donnell shaved her back." --David Letterman "The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things." --Jilly Cooper You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. -- Laurence J. Peter >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Wow Baby :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Subscribe ************************************************************************ >TO UNSUBSCRIBE: Remove ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 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We've got NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA, Disney, Name a star, Movies, and KinKade. Jewelry, furs, leather, and lighting, Music, instruments, and magazines at best pricing. >Beat The Crowds - Let Your MOUSE Do the Walking! :) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/yellow.html Get It Here ***********************************************************************