Cats And Dogs! ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
*~* Prayers For Our Northeast Friends:
May You Stay Safe, Warm And Dry Through Christ Jesus Our Lord, Amen.
>-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This first too hot to handle newbie is from our friends
LouiseA and Linda. It is sure to give you some smiles for
your day. Be sure to check out the video too. Give it plenty
of time to load and check it out here...
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Cat Owner Tips
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html
---
...Aww, this was so funny yet so true! Thanks Ladies!
This next hot newbie is from our friends Karen and Linda.
It is an awesome mind boggling project this minister
took on all to please God. Be sure to check this one
out here...
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World's Tallest Treehouse!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouse.html
---
...This one would be fun to explore! Thanks Ladies!
-<>-
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
!||
!||||
,/||||
!|'''|
`\ |
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ejm / \ \
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>Update on Joyce:
We were planning on going to see Joyce today but got a phone call from
Craig this morning. She is back in the hospital. Seems she has been
having pain in her heart area so they took her back to find out why.
Please say an extra prayer that it's nothing serious and she will pull
through this ok too...
I just received a call from Joyce this time. She is in
her room now waiting for the doctor to come in. Right
now she says her heart is beating slow........like 30 beats
per minute. It's hard for her to breathe and her stomach
hurts. She is light headed and her tongue and lips
are numb. She told me yesterday she was able to swing
her legs over the edge of the bed but not today. Today
she can't move them again and they are all swelled up
again.
That is the latest news so thought I'd share once again.
She WAS doing so well but now seems like everything is
all messed up again. So please keep her on your prayer
lists. She isn't out of the woods Yet. Thanks so much.
- Bunni
---
...Aww, So sorry to hear Bunni! May God bless her true and
hold her close while bringing her to a complete recovery
through Jesus Christ, Amen.
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Boy That Deer Can Kick!
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// {} a ball with his left and right feet?
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(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
Rules for Writers:
Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read. Don't use no double
negatives. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is
appropriate; and never where it isn't. Reserve the apostrophe for
it's proper use and omit it when its not needed. No sentence
fragments. Avoid commas, that are unnecessary. Eschew dialect,
irregardless. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens. Write
all adverbial forms correct. Don't use contractions in formal
writing. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. Steer clear of incorrect
forms of verbs that have snuck in the language. Never, ever use
repetitive redundancies. If I've told you once, I've told you a
thousand times, resist hyperbole. Also, avoid awkward or affected
alliteration. Don't string too many prepositional phrases together
unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
January 26 is Spouse's Day
January 27 is Chocolate Cake Day and Punch the Clock Day
January 28 is Fun at Work Day and National Kazoo Day
January 29 is National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day
January 30 is National Inane Answering Message Day
January 31 is Backward Day and Inspire Your Heart with Art Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
_...._
.'.o' o.'.
/o o .o' o'\
|'.o 'o. o'.o|
|o. o' o 'o .|
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'._o__o_.'
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||
||
||
||
jgs ||
\/
>Golf Question
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.
Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he
told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What
questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions . . . like, "Why did you
hit the ball into that lake?"
-<>-
>Painful Arm
Following a major hurricane, my husband worked long hours clearing the
jumble of trees that littered our property. The longer he worked,
however, the more painful it became for him to move his right arm.
He ignored my pleas to see the doctor until one night he yelped, "Ow!
This is getting serious."
As I turned to him in concern, he added, "Now it hurts to push buttons
on the remote control!"
-<>-
>Physical Training
Our army physical-training program requires us to run two miles every
other day in platoon formation. Being somewhat older than the other
soldiers, I have trouble running faster than a ten-minute mile.
During a recent run, I was finding it difficult to complete the two
miles without stopping, so I raised my hands high above my head to
expand my diaphragm and gain my second wind.
Suddenly I heard a voice from behind me say, "Forget it, sergeant, we
don't take prisoners."
-<>-
>Sidewalk Snow
Sidewalks were treacherous after a heavy snowstorm blanketed McGill
University in Montreal. Watching people slip and slide, I gingerly made
my way to class.
Suddenly I found myself on a clean, snow-free section of walkway.
This is weird, I thought, until I noticed that it was directly in front
of the Faculty of Law building.
-<>-
>Tarp as Shacks
On my birthday, I got a really funny card. It joked about how our
bodies might be getting older, but our minds were still "tarp as
shacks".
I wanted to thank the friend who sent the card, but I couldn't. They
forgot to sign it.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
>SMILES
_
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jgs '-.__.--._ |/ .-'
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~~ ~~ ~
Mrs. Crabapple said to her student, "Johnny, can you think of a
solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, ma'am!" replied little Johnny. "I'd put all the men on one
island and the women on another."
"And what jobs would they be doing then?" asked Mrs. Crabapple.
"Building boats!" exclaimed Johnny.
--------
A well-dressed gentleman entered an upscale restaurant in the East End
of Manhattan and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came over and
asked "What can I get you to drink, sir?"
The gentleman responded, "Nothing, thank you. I tried alcohol once,
didn't like it, and never tried it again."
The bartender was a bit perplexed, but being a friendly sort, he pulled
out a pack of cigarettes and offered the gentleman one.
The gentleman refused, saying, "I tried smoking once, didn't like it,
and never did it again. The point is, I wouldn't be in here at all,
except that I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender retorted, "Your only child, I presume?"
--------
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the
personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the
director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had
five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've
ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you
wanted somebody with imagination."
--------
The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints
grammar school.
"There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of
Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to
many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell.
"But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich,
knowledgeable lawyer.
"Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers,
who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's
stormy seas?"
Herman raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught."
-------
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time
to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for
his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina,
snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head,
and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll
shoot you."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak
Spanish.
The Ranger asked a local to translated his message. The terrified
bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak
tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger anxiously
The local answered, He say, "He no afraid to die!"
--------
A grubby little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his
mother, "Who am I?"
Thinking this was a new game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"
"WOW!" cried the boy. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty,
my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
--------
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result,
they seldom had guests. Johnny was eager to help his mother after his
father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and
proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his
father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second
piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The
pieces are all the same size."
--------
A little boy came home from Sunday School with a big candy bar. His
mother asked him where he got it.
"I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said.
"That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him.
"I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the door and got me
in for free!"
-------
>Dog's Diary vs. Cat's Diary
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DOG'S DIARY:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
(`,---.') (\
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CAT'S DIARY :
Day 983 of My Captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated
a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my
capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now ...
-------
Jane was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided to teach him
a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home
from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed.
Ben looked her over and calmly and said, "You don't scare me, I married
your sister."
--------
During John's physical, the doctor asked him about his daily activity
level.
John replied, "Well, yesterday morning, I waded along the edge of a
lake, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down
several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of
quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be some outdoorsman!"
"No," John sighed, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
--------
A man came home from the office and found his new blonde bride sobbing
convulsively.
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned
a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an
extra pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the blonde bride, drying
her eyes. "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!"
--------
Last Sunday morning, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids.
The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their
lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not. The priest at our church is
always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note.
Last Sunday the priest ended with: "Where would you rather be? In the
light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad
bridesmaids?"
I wasn't the only one who got it wrong!
-----
___
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/ / \ ,- \
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/ | | |
\ \ `--.______,-/ |
___) \ ,--"" ,/ |
/ _ \ \-_____,- /
\__-/ \ | `. ,'
\___/ < ´--------'
\__/\ | Wny
\__//
>TRUISMS
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting
youth.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many
people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else
looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM.
... It could be a right number.
Think about this..... No one ever says "It's only a game" when their
team is winning.
How come Americans choose from just two people for president and 50 for
Miss America?
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
them all yourself.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense
at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your
panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.
I've reached the age where I don't take YES for an answer.
-------
I have always questioned whether Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton are
really preachers since they have no church.
When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black church in
Houston, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all
about.
I sat down and Sharpton came up to me, I don't know why, maybe it was
because I was the only white person in the church. He laid his hands on
my hand and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord Almighty, and the
will of God, you will walk today."
I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me
again, and repeated the same thing.
Again, I told him there is nothing wrong with me.
After the sermon, I stepped outside and, lo and behold, my freaking car
had been stolen!
---
...Hey! Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
I bet you didn't know whales did this. Sperm whales are one
of the largest species of cetaceans, as such they have few
natural enemies, other than man, but they do know how to
protect themselves, and one unfortunate group of divers in
the Caribbean found out just how effective this bizarre
defense mechanism can be.
The divers, part of a government approved expedition, were
photographing the whale off the small Island of Dominica,
when the giant mammal surprised them with a giant under-
water poo cloud.
Described as a 'poonado' by Canadian photographer, Keri Wilk,
the peculiar behavior is thought to have been evidence of a
rarely seen defense mechanism.
The whale managed to create a whirlwind of excrement by
spinning on its side and flapping its tail.
"The water was crystal clear, initially, and was the most
idyllic Caribbean blue water that you could imagine. Then
after a few waves of feces were released and stirred
vigorously by the whale, the water was like chocolate milk,
I couldn't see my hand when I held it in front of my face."
To make matters worse, Mr. Wilk prefers to dive with just
goggles and a snorkel as bubbles from scuba diving equipment
tend disturb the whales.
"I had poop in my eyes, mouth, wetsuit, everywhere and I was
soaked in it from head to toe."
On the plus side, Wilk said that this very well could be the
first time that such an incident has been photographically
documented.
-<>-
*-- Police: Man may have taken dead mom for bank withdrawal --*
PLYMOUTH, Minn. (UPI) - Authorities in Minnesota said
they are looking into whether an elderly woman was already
dead when her son brought her to the bank for an $850
withdrawal. Police said David Vanzo of Plymouth reported
his mother, Caryl Vanzo, dead just days shy of her 91st
birthday about two weeks ago and officers were greeted at
the home by a stench of urine and feces. The woman's body
was clothed in a robe, fur coat and boots that were covered
in excrement, police said. Vanzo, who was arrested on a
charge of elderly neglect, was found to have visited the
bank with his mother just seven hours before reporting her
death. He withdrew $850 from his mother's account, police
said. Investigators said they are looking into whether
Caryl Vanzo was dead when her son took her to the bank.
Witnesses at the bank said the woman's feet were dragging
under her wheelchair and Vanzo's neighbors said they
wondered whether the mother was dead or unconscious when
she was being taken from her house to a taxi cab. David
Vanzo had previously been investigated by social workers
on allegations of financially exploiting his mother.
Police visited the home in 2012 and found Caryl Vanzo
was lucid and wanted to stay in the home with her son.
David Vanzo denied the allegations against him and said
the money he withdrew was from a joint account. "I love
my mother very much," he told KMSP-TV. "I gave my life
to keep my mother alive. Look at my eyes."
*-- Police: Florida teen posed as doctor for a month --*
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (UPI) - Police in Florida said a
teenager caught posing as a doctor at a hospital had been
carrying out his ruse at the facility for about a month.
Police were called to St. Mary's Medical Center in West
Palm Beach on Jan. 13 on a report of a juvenile falsely
identifying himself as a doctor while wearing a white lab
coat and carrying a stethoscope. "The individual never
had contact with any hospital patients and did not gain
access to any patient care areas of the hospital at any
time. The hospital immediately notified local authorities,
who took the individual into custody, and we are
cooperating with their ongoing investigation," the
hospital said in a statement. However, Dr. Sebastian Kent,
an OB/GYN with St. Mary's, said the teen was with him in
an examination room while he was with a patient. "The
first thing I thought was, 'I am really getting old
because these young doctors look younger every year," Kent
told CNN. Kent alerted police, who said security guards
reported seeing the teenager walking around the hospital
while dressed as a doctor on multiple occasions in
previous weeks. "I saw him outside our office building
with policemen surrounding him. I believe they had him in
handcuffs. There was quite a commotion," Kent said. The
teen told police he had been a doctor for "years," but
his mother said he suffers from an illness and has been
refusing to take his medication. The hospital and police
said they have decided not to pursue charges against the
boy.
*-- Man survives ride in back of garbage truck --*
SACRAMENTO (UPI) - Authorities in California said a man
who wound up in the back of a garbage truck survived by
building "a coffin around himself" from trash. Yolo
County Sheriff's Lt. Martin Torres said the man, whose
name was not released, was searching through a
Sacramento-area garbage bin for his wallet Dec. 13 when
the bin was dumped into the garbage truck. "The man
said he was stuck in the truck for about an hour, but
estimates show it was more like three or three and a
half hours," Torres told the Woodland Daily Democrat.
"The truck made several other pick-ups before arriving
at the landfill, where the driver saw the man crawl out
of his trash pile." Torres told the Sacramento Bee the
man used objects around him in the back of the truck to
"build a coffin around himself" and keep from being
crushed by the compactor. "He was lucky the truck was
only half full," Torres said. "Had it been full, he
would have certainly been crushed and suffocated to
death." Torres said a bulldozer at the Yolo County
Landfill nearly ran over the man after the truck dumped
its load, but the truck driver spotted the man and
alerted the bulldozer driver in time. "The driver was
pretty much a hero for that," Torres said. Authorities
said the man appeared to be uninjured, but complained
of neck and back pain. He was taken to a hospital for
an examination. "While our driver had no idea of anyone
in his load, we're very glad and proud of our driver
for spotting the man while dumping out his truck at the
landfill," said Nick Sikich, chief operating officer of
Sacramento-based Atlas Disposal. "If he hadn't, the
landfill equipment could have come along and buried him.
We hope the man is OK and had a speedy recovery from any
injuries."
*-- Boy, 5, gets bill for skipping friend's birthday party --*
PLYMOUTH, England (UPI) - Alex Nash, a 5-year-old from
Cornwall, England, has been billed for skipping a
classmate's birthday party at the Ski Slope and Snowboard
Centre in Plymouth last month. Alex's father, Derek, told
the Plymouth Herald on Monday that his son came home with
a $15.95 ($24) invoice last week. It had been passed on
to him by Julie Lawrence, the mother of the classmate
whose birthday he missed. "I thought it was a joke to
begin with. I am lost for words," Derek said. Derek said
Alex had agreed to go to the party but remembered too
late that his son had made plans to spend the day with
his grandparents. He said he didn't have any way to
contact the Lawrence family. Lawrence told BBC News that
Alex and his family had her contact information. "All
details were on the party invite. They had every detail
needed to contact me." Derek told Lawrence that he
refused to pay the bill because of the way Lawrence
broached the issue. "I told her she should have spoken
to me first and not put the invoice in my son's school
bag," he said. "I would have sympathized with her about
the cost of Alex not showing up, but I just can't believe
the way she has gone around it." Derek said Lawrence
threatened to take him to small claims court, though
Derek's partner is attempting to mediate the dispute.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Karen :)
W .__. .__.
[ ] |::| |::|
E ._. |::| |::| ._.
|\ |:| ._. |::| |::| |/|
\ \\|/ |:|_|/| |::| |::|_ |/|
|-( )- |:|"|/|_|::| |::|\|_|/| _
| V L |:|"|/|||::| |::|\|||/||:|
\ ` ___ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| \/ / ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~pwh
[Politics]
>94 Yr old prophecy fulfilled!
"There is a reason why in NY harbor there is a Statue of Liberty,
not a Statue of Equality" Charles Krauthammer
A 94-year-old Prophecy is Fulfilled
H.L. Mencken (born 1880 - died 1956) was a journalist,
satirist, critic and Democrat. He wrote the editorial below while
working for the Baltimore Evening Sun, which appeared in the
July 26, 1920 edition.
"As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents,
more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great
and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their
heart's desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a
downright fool and complete narcissistic moron."
- H.L. Mencken, the Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
So it was written, and so it has come to pass.
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Karen!
And another...
When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates.
He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try
to destroy the Nation I helped conceive?"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted,
"You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This
is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled,
"It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration
of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other
early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist,
leader.
As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept
and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS
waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said? You
really need to listen when someone is trying to tell you
something!"
---
...LOL! Thanks Karen!
Sometimes I do think Obama is more Muslim than Christian!
========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
\\_// '._ _.' \\_//
`"` ``---`` `"`
As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers
disregard the airline attendant's pleas to stay seated when
the plane taxies to the gate. One attendant captured my heart
by announcing:
"The captain will be parking the aircraft at Gate 41 in
approximately two minutes. I've seen the captain's car. So
if I were you, I'd remain seated."
-<>-
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel
and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining
it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history
museum.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who
died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it
out."
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist.
"You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death.
How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said,
'10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."
-<>-
"What kind of job do you do?" a lady passenger asked the man
traveling in her compartment. "I'm a naval surgeon," he
replied.
"Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these
days."
-<>-
Golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks
the golf pro if they sell ball markers.
The golf pro says they do, and they are $1.00.
The guy gives the golf pro a dollar...
The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in and hands
him a quarter.
-<>-
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community
college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the
curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real
World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and
compound interest, one of my older students approached me
in the hallway.
"You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday,"
he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of
interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
-<>-
My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral
service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured him
that he would prompt him. All went well until, at the close,
the undertaker whispered to him to instruct the family to
come up and view the body. "Will the family now come forward
and pass around the bier," said my father.
He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later, as
my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery
workers talking. "I didn't get any beer," one said. "Did you?"
"You heard the chaplain," the other replied. "It was just for
the family."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
.-------------. . . * *
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ \ * . ) .
//_/_/_/_/_/_// _ \ __ . .
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/|/ \.' .`-o
| ||-'(/ ,--'
| || _ |
| ||'' ||
|_____________|| |_|L hjm
>Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest
and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the
poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for
the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough
to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya
tell me the dog was Catholic?
-<>-
>Donation
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your Congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
-<>-
>Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following
conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked
up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex
with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . . I'm telling everybody!'
-<>-
>Brothel Trip
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and
asks how old he is.
I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
-<>-
>Senility
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting
senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not
senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip
down.'
-<>-
>Pest Control
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the
bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed
him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the
bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man
replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '
-<>-
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`.
;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\
:;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~
| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
| /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. |
| | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .|
| | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| |
|/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . |
| ! | | | | ! |~~~~'
>Marriage Humour
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
Wife: 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
-<>-
>Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries
or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
-<>-
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me
to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
-<>-
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my
father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
-<>-
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face
or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of
humor!'
-<>-
>Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife
replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it
that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at
the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The
wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the
man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even
bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining
consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied.
'Your horse phoned'
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LilyS :)
For Dog Owners Everywhere...
__
/\/'-,
,--''''' /"
____,'. ) \___
'"""""------'"""`-----'
pb
>The 20 Most Important Facts Dog Lovers Must Never Forget.
Dogs are so loyal that they love us no matter what we do.
But if we want to provide the best life possible to these wonderful
animals, we have to remember they have complex thoughts and
feelings, too.
Here are 20 that we must never forget.
1>Don't be upset when I jump for joy when you come through the door.
I only live for ten or fifteen years. You are what makes that time
enjoyable.It's hard on me when you go away.
2>Give me time to understand what you want from me.
I don't always get it right on the first try, but I promise I'm trying
as hard as I can.
3>Give me your trust.
Just like I trust you, I need you to trust me, too.
_.--"""--._
.' '-. `.
__/__ (-. `\ \
/o `o \ \ \ \
_\__.__/ )) | | ;
.--;" | | \
( `) | | \
_|`---' .' _, _| | `\
'`_\ \ '_,.-';_.-`\| \ \_
.' '--'---;` / / |\ |_..--' \
\'-'.' .--'.__/ __.-;
`"` (___...---''` \
_/_ \
/jgs\
\___/
4>Don't be angry with me for too long. And please don't lock me
up to punish me. You have your friends and family to keep you
happy and entertained. I just have you.
5>Take me inside when the weather gets bad.
The backyard doesn't have air conditioning or a heater. You don't
have to let me on the couch, but a small part of the kitchen is
much better than sleeping in the snow.
_ _
_(,_/ \ \____________
|`. \_@_@ `. ,'
|\ \ . `-,-'
|| | `-.____,-'
|| / /
|/ | |
`.. / \
\\ / |
|| | \ hh
\\ /-. |
||/ /_ |
\(_____)-'_)
6>Talk to me.
Sure, we don't speak the same language, but the sound of your voice
brightens my whole day.
7>Comfort me when I'm scared.
You know a lot more about loud noises, strange people, and new
places than I do. I need to know that you'll protect me from them.
I always feel safer when I'm with you. Remember that I'll never
forget how you treat me.
8>Teach me that humans are made of love, not pain. And don't ever
let me forget it.
/)
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\ ' \`-' ___
`| \______/--'`
| \
././-------,.\ BP_mic
_
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o__^\/ ,
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`-'\ ` / `(
| \_____|
| | _
./`,----./~| . . . - ()
9>Come outside with me.
The sights, sounds, and scents of nature are some of my greatest
pleasures in life. I don't care if we play, go for a walk, or just
sit under a tree together . . .I want you to experience them with me.
10>Let me make new friends.
Introduce me to other dogs, cats, or even bigger animals. We might
not get along in the end, but having some more friends that look and
smell like me makes my life that much brighter.
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
11>Give me a treat every once in a while.
Food is one of my greatest pleasures in life. I know you want me
to be healthy, so I understand when you don't share your own meals
with me. But giving me a dog biscuit when I've been good or mixing
tasty vegetables mixed in with my dinner is guaranteed to make me
wag my tail extra hard.
12>Please don't hit me.
I have teeth that can crush bone. Instead, I cover you in sloppy,
wet kisses. Just as I choose not to hurt you, please make the
choice to not hurt me.
13>Understand when I need my alone time.
I love you more than anything, but even though it's rare, I don't
always want to play or cuddle. Don't be sad if I'd rather sleep
on the cold tile floor instead of in your bed on hot summer nights,
and be understanding if I don't want to play as much as the years
go on.
14>Show me your world.
The house and yard might be the only places I ever see unless
you let me come with you. A trip to the pet store, the park, or
even just a ride in the car is exhilarating for me. I can't wait
to see what you want to show me.
, _
)\ __`9)
_,/^`^(G)-' <
\(\a a ) / )
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mic `U) _,) )-(_/
(_/ (_/
15>Teach me new things
Learning new tricks keeps my mind active, but most of all, it
gives me a way to impress you. I love showing off for your friends,
looking up at you, and seeing how proud of me you are.
16>Let me get dirty once in a while.
Your world is inside, but I thrive outdoors. Sometimes I find a
lot of mud or a lake that smells like all of its fishy inhabitants.
I understand if you don't want to wash all that stuff off every
day, but as long as it's safe, let me go back to my wild roots
every now and then
17>Touch me.
Nothing makes me feel more loved than when you take time out
of your day to rub my ears or scratch that itchy spot on my back
that I can't reach. I can't understand your words, but I definitely
understand the feelings behind a hug.
_._
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||| |||
||| |||
l42 mm' mm'
18>Pay attention if I don't seem like myself.
It might seem like I'm just being lazy or stubborn, but I might
not be feeling well. I can't get help for myself, and I need you
to look out for me.
19>Love me when I'm old just as much as you did when I was young.
I might not be the cute puppy that I once was, but I still love
you just as much now as I did then. Please take care of me when
my body doesn't work like it used to.
20>Come with me on my final journey.
I know it will be difficult, but I need you by my side when the
time comes for me to leave this world. Every moment down to my
last breath is easier if I have you with me.
With deep affection, love, and respect,
_
,:'/ _..._
// ( `""-.._.'
\| / 6\___
| 6 4
| /
\_ .--'
(_'---'`)
/ `'---`()
,' |
, .'` |
)\ _.-' ;
/ | .'` _ /
/` / .' '. , |
/ / / \ ; | |
| \ | | .| | |
\ `"| /.-' | | |
'-..-\ _.;.._ | |.;-.
\ <`.._ )) | .;-. ))
(__. ` ))-' \_ ))'
`'--"` jgs `"""`
Your Forever Friend
The Dog.
---
...Aww, so true, good advice and Heartwarming! Thanks LilyS!
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Nanny Animals 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals3.html
Playing With Food 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html
Fun With Nature!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html
Whale Rescue 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html
Deer Rescue!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerrescue.html
Humor In Religion 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html
Parenting No-No's 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html
Morons At Work!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html
Life's Little Oops 10!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html
Germany's Water Bridge!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LilTwinkl :)
I hope you enjoy as much as I did!!
The guy flying the 3 kites is in his 80s, and he's from Canada.
He comes to the Washington State International Kite Festival
every year. His skin is like leather as he normally flies with
his shirt off.
He is deaf, so when he flies we hold our hands up and wave them
for applause. He flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached
to his waist. Enjoy! You must watch to the end to see the amazing
landing of that last kite! I would have those kits so tangled up,
you could never get them separated again!
And of course, make sure the volume is turned up because the music is
wonderful and totally reflects the soaring of the kites. Beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr9KrqN_lIg&feature=player_embedded
---
...Wowsers! Totally beautifully mesmerizing! Thank You LilTwinkl!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
The boys from Top Gear are up to their usual craziness again, this
time in the form of a drag race between a Euro Fighter and a Bugatti
Veyron to determine the crown for speed king. Who will emerge
victorious? Will it be the supercar or the jet plane? Enjoy the
high-octane fueled show.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7NZ9X9A2efA
Right now this cat is top dog, but you give this bulldog a bit of
growing time, and pretty soon I don't think the cat will mess with
him. Watch what happens when a cute puppy tries to reclaim his bed
from a stoic cat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssC1JDCXk2M&feature=player_embedded
A walk through Washington (They will never show this on the news)
Have a cup of coffee, sit back and relax and click on this.
http://tinyurl.com/p5uoug4
If you're not using this cool hack, you're probably using those little
paper ketchup cups at fast food places all wrong! It's simple and it
only takes seconds, and you can improve your ketchup experience and cut
down on waste. Watch and see how this crazy Russian hacker does it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PgZtZ9qs3yY
This is so adorable. This parrot not only rips out paper to make itself
a tail, but actually attaches it on. Who said animals don't wear
jewelry?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CJIUNNssSVg
---
...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Watch The Cat Who Slaps Gators
http://tinyurl.com/mc25ce3
The World's Oldest Running Car
http://www.flixxy.com/the-worlds-oldest-running-car.htm
Baby Chicks (Live Video) | Care2 Healthy Living
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/baby-chicks-live-video.html
Cuba's Cars
http://georgemarks.com/Cars%20of%20Cuba/index.html
---
...Wow! Amazing! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Geniann :)
To all of my friends and relatiives I am sending a Youtube original
performance of Riverdance starring the inventors Michael Flattley and
Jean Butler..
If you loved it as much as I did, I think you will be happy to
re-visit it.
I don't know how many know but Michael Flattley held the world
record for the most taps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8EXDtoGfrs
---
...Fun To Watch! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The Obamas invited 22 guests to the State of the Union
address, including a former Cuban prisoner, an astronaut,
and a doctor. Either that or he was setting up the weirdest
bar joke of all time." -Jimmy Fallon
"Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that
can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article
because I saw a shiny thing." -Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday a baby was born on a New York-bound flight three
hours before landing. Serious question: Would you rather
ride next to a baby a whole flight, or have the first half
of the flight no baby but then the actual birthing of a
baby? Because again, that's three hours of peace where
there's just no baby." Seth Meyers
"According to a new study, people who live near trees are
richer, smarter, and healthier - and people who live in trees
make more cookies." -Seth Meyers
"New York's JFK Airport has plans to open the world's first
airport terminal for animals next year. Not to be outdone,
LaGuardia has announced plans to finally open a terminal
for humans." -Jimmy Fallon
"A new study says that children are suffering bad health
effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained
in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat."
-Conan O'Brien
"New research suggests that the first human conversations
may have been about tools. Which means the second human
conversation was, 'Hey, can I get back those tools you
borrowed?'" -Seth Meyers
"For the first time ever, 'The View' was beaten in the
ratings by another daytime show called 'The Talk.' However,
both shows are losing viewers to something called the 'Off
button.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s.
Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by
then." -Jimmy Fallon
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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