Chevy Nova Award And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Both of these too hot to handle ones come from our friend Linda. This first one is an extraordinary view of England! Check it out here... | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` Beautiful Aerial England! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/england.html --- ...Stunning! Thanks Linda! This next one is a fun one from Linda. Artists showing their creativity and imagination! Check it out here... ___ _____ .'/,-Y" "~-. l.Y ^. /\ _\_ "FOOD!" i ___/" "\ | /" "\ o ! l ] o !__./ \ _ _ \.___./ "~\ X \/ \ ___./ ( \ ___. _..--~~" ~`-. ` Z,-- / \ \__. ( / ______) \ l /-----~~" / Y \ / | "x______.^ | \ -Row j Y ->Homer<- Fun With Food 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food4.html --- ...I do so love this series Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Ten Reasons Why Men Are So Lovable (otherwise titled Why Men are (somewhat) Better Than Toddlers) \\///// |6 6| You almost never have to spoonfeed them ( _\ | mushy cereal. | = | |\___/ When they fall down, they can usually get ___/| |__ up on their own. /` | '----' |`\ / | | \ They CAN be left alone...but only for short /~% | ; \ periods of time. / /\/ |`\ \ \ \ | | / / It actually is FUN when they get messy..... `\ \| |/ /` with your help... `\; |/` (| |) They CAN dress themselves, you just don't |_________| want to take them out that way... | | | | | | They don't whine and whine about having |____|__| to go someplace they don't want to \ | | - oh wait a second ...nevermind. | ) ) / | | They are EASY to put to bed. |___|__| \===|==| Their shoe size doesn't change every / `-.`-. two months. jgs \______)__) They almost never wake-up when you make a little noise near them (in fact, you can clang cymbals, ring phones, set off alarms and maybe even drop bombs) Two words - TRASH DAY ======================================================= +------------BIZARRE JULY/AUGUST HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 31 is Parent's Day August 1 is Friendship Day and National Raspberry Cream Pie Day August 2 is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day August 3 is National Watermelon Day August 4 is Twins Day Festival August 5 is National Mustard Day =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) `::` / ` `;:` .;:; / ::; ` _ ';:;;' >'. || _ `> \||.'< `>|/ <` `||/` ^jgs^^^^^^^^^^^ >Tip Here's a great tip to get rid of pesky grass and weeds that grow along your fence line or between patio bricks in a healthy and environmentally safe way. Spray full-strength basic household white vinegar on very young weeds and grass. For more mature weeds and grass, use an organic product like BurnOut, which contains a highly concentrated form of vinegar, clove, and citrus oils --- ...Cool! That would save the birds and wild life! Thanks Bunni! -<>- _____ _..--'''@ @'''--.._ .' @_/-//-\/>/>'/ @ '. ( @ /_A Dieter's Prayer LORD, My soul is ripped with riot Incited by my wicked diet. "We are what we eat," said a wise old man. Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can. I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain, But, at my present weight I'll need a crane. So, grant me strength that I may not fall Into the clutches of cholesterol. May my flesh with carrot curls be sated, That my soul may be polyunsaturated. And show me the light that I may bear witness To the President's Council on Physical Fitness. And oleo margarine I'll never mutter For the road to hell is spread with butter. And cream is cursed, and cake is awful, And Satan is hiding in every waffle. Mephistopheles lurks in provolone, The devil is in each slice of bologna. Beelzebub is a chocolate drop And Lucifer is a lollipop. Give me this day, my daily slice But, cut it thin and toast it twice. I beg upon my dimpled knees Deliver me from Ju-jubees. And when my days of trial are done And my war with malted milks is won, Let me stand with the saints in Heaven In a shining robe, size seven! I can do it, Lord, if you'll show to me The virtues of lettuce and celery. If you'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise The sinfulness of hollandaise, And pasta Milanese And potatoes a la Lyonnaise, And crisp fried chicken from the south. Lord, if you love me, SHUT MY MOUTH! --- ...LOL! Oh my goodness! Thanks Bunni! -<>- .-----. _.----"""""""----._ _.---//-"""-\\---._ .------.___ ( ) ( (/ `-' ) ( ___|-|`"""---..___..---""| _|`"--._________.--"'|_ `---'""" | | (_| |_) | | `--) (--' ________ | | | | _.--""""" """"----._ | | | (_ _)--.----------------. | | \`""---...________...----'/__/___ || `-.__ __.-' \___ __/ ""-----"""""""-----`' VK `""-----""' ""`-----------'"" >Recipe For Mothers Preheat oven. Check to be certain that there are no rubber balls are plastic soldiers on the shelves. Remove blocks and toy autos from table. Grease pan. Crack nuts. Measure 2 cups flour; remove Johnny's hands from flour; wash flour off him. Re measure flour. Crack more nuts to replace those Johnny ate. Put flour, baking powder and salt in sifter. Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl Johnny knocked on floor. Get another bowl. Answer doorbell. Return to kitchen. Remove Johnny's hands from bowl. Wash Johnny. Answer telephone. Return. Remove 1/4 inch salt from greased pan. Look for Johnny. Grease another pan. Answer telephone. Take up greased pan and remove layer of nut shells in it. Head for Johnny, who runs knocking bowl off table. Wash kitchen floor, table, walls, dishes. Call bakery, place order. Take two aspirin. Lie down. --- ...Aww, the joys of parenthood! LOL! Thanks Bunn! -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Observations On Growing Older ~Your Kids are becoming you...and you don't like them... but your grandchildren are Perfect! ~Going Out is good.. Coming Home is better! ~You Forget names .... But it's OK because other people forgot they Even knew you!!! ~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things that he doesn't remember. ~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's Called his "pre-sleep". ~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "'ON" and "'OFF" Switch.. ~You tend to use more 4 letter words .... "what?"...."when?"... ??? ~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. ~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! ~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. ~Everybody Whispers. ~Now that your husband has retired .... You'd give anything if he'd find a job! ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet .... 2 of which you will never wear. ~~~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! Send this on to other "Old Friends!" and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!! It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived --- ...You got that right! Thanks Bunni! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend EdLaF :) .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Are you a member? They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs. Some of us are "Baby Boomers" getting ready to retire. Others have been retired for some time. We walk a little slower these days and our eyes and hearing are not what they once were. We have worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God and grown old together. Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true. But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration. In school we studied English, history, math, and science which enabled us to lead America into the technological age. Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience. We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes. For those of you who don't know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators. A few even remember when cars were started with a crank. Yes, we lived those days. We are probably considered old fashioned and out-dated by many. But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off. We won World War II, fought in Korea and Viet Nam. We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance, and know where to place our hand while doing so. We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield. We didn't fight for the Socialist States of America ; we fought for the "Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave." We wore different uniforms but carried the same flag. We know the words to the Star Spangled Banner, America, and America the Beautiful by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing. We have lived what many of you have only read in history books and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America. Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us. We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it. It is our country and nobody is going to take it away from us. We took oaths to defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that is an oath we plan to keep. There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent. It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama and the Democratic Congress. You fell for the "Hope and Change" which in reality was nothing but "Hype and Lies." You have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face, and have found you don't like it after all. You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or "Climbing the Social Ladder" to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting. Many of those who fell for the "Great Lie" in 2008 are now having buyer's remorse. With all the education we gave you, you didn't have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the 'Kool-Aid.' Now you're paying the price and complaining about it. No jobs, lost mortgages, higher taxes, and less freedom. This is what you voted for and this is what you got. We entrusted you with the Torch of Liberty and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house. Well, don't worry youngsters, the Grey-Haired Brigade is here, and in 2012 we are going to take back our nation. We may drive a little slower than you would like but we get where we're going, and in 2012 we're going to the polls by the millions. This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. It belongs to "We the People" and "We the People" plan to reclaim our land and our freedom. We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren. So the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the "Grey- Haired Brigade." Get off your rear and go to work! No more something for nothing! No more gimmie programs! Footnote: This is spot on. I am another Gray-Haired Geezer signing on. I will circulate this to other Gray-Haired Geezers all over this once great county. Can you feel the ground shaking??? It's not an earthquake, it is a STAMPEDE ! --- ...TeeHee! Right On! Thanks EdLaF! ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend EdLaF :) White Church Bans Black Couple From Getting Married http://tinyurl.com/cwwblfm --- ...These people are unreal! Thanks EdLaF! This couple is blessed to find out now before wasting more of their time amongst wolves in sheep's clothing! Evil! [Politics] The Video That Barack Obama DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE! pt. 1 - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sawN7uJ8s8s&feature=related Cliff Kincaid -- Obama’s Ultimate Cover-up http://tinyurl.com/c9yn4u2 OBAMA - Pictures he doesn't want you to see! - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZpXjwGULk0&feature=related Rationing Begins: States Limiting Drug Prescriptions for Medicaid Patients | CNSNews.com http://tinyurl.com/bsh5fgl --- ...Most Interesting! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From FreedomOutPost: Clinton Slams Bachmann for Seeking Muslim Brotherhood Investigation http://tinyurl.com/cgh3d5f -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: Desperate: Obama Campaign Brings Up 'Felons' in Latest Ad http://tinyurl.com/crbfs3h -<>- >From GodfatherPolitics: So You Think You Want a Revolution? http://tinyurl.com/clmgxaw -<>- >From BizarreNews: Just where does the weapons manufacturer Glock get off producing firearms that discharge? The atrocious record of these guns firing is long and storied. One of the best examples was caught on video. You may have seen this clip in Bizarre News before. This poor, hapless officer is shot by the deadly Glock while teaching a gun safety seminar. If you haven't seen the video you can click the link below. Gun Safety - The Glock 40 Yet another disturbing example came to light recently when another police officer who was shot by a Glock brought a lawsuit against the manufacturer. In 2006 Los Angeles police officer Enrique Chavez was shot in the back by his own weapon. The off-duty officer had forgotten that he had stowed his loaded .45-caliber Glock, upholstered and with a round apparently chambered, securely under the front seat of his Ford Ranger, I am assuming according to department regulations concerning the proper transport and storage of firearms. With the weapon safely out of sight and out of mind, although unfortunately not out of reach, Chavez loaded his 3-year-old son into the vehicle. Since the streets of Los Angeles are so safe to drive Chavez did not secure the toddler in a child safely seat. The inquisitive fingers of the boy soon found the weapon while he was crawling around the vehicle, and that is when the treacherous Glock fired, hitting the officer in the back. Chavez is now suing the company claiming the Glock 21 had a light trigger and lacked a grip safety. Perhaps, if this suit is successful, we can finally live in a world where you can hand a toddler a loaded handgun and feel confident you won't get shot in the back. *-- Hotel replaced Bibles with 'Fifty Shades' --* CROSTHWAITE, England - The owner of a hotel in Britain said he replaced the room Bibles with copies of "Fifty Shades of Grey" to reflect the modern secular society. Jonathan Denby, owner of the Damson Dene Hotel in Crosthwaite, England, said he decided to replace the Bibles with copies of E.L. James' erotic novel because he decided the Bibles were "wholly inappropriate" for bedrooms in a secular society, NBC News reported Wednesday. "I was thinking originally of putting in a book by Ayn Rand -- 'Atlas Shrugged' was my first thought," Denby said. "(But) because everybody is reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey,' we thought it would be a hospitable thing to do, to have this available for our guests, especially if some of them were a little bit shy about buying it because of its reputation." The Rev. Michael Woodcock, who oversees services at St. Mary's Parish Church, told The Westmoreland Gazette he was dismayed by the hotelier's decision. "It is a great shame that Bibles have been removed from rooms and very inappropriate to have been replaced by an explicit erotic novel," he said. "The Bible remains a source of comfort and inspiration that many people do find helpful." *-- On-the-job cussing may hurt career --* CHICAGO - Cussing at work may feel good in the moment but could be a career-sinking habit over the long haul, a survey by a U.S. online employment search firm indicates. CareerBuilder.com in Chicago said in a release Wednesday that 64 percent of employers said they'd think less of an employee who habitually swears, and 57 percent said they'd be less likely to promote someone who curses in the office. How common is swearing in the office? The survey said 51 percent of workers report they've done it -- more likely in front of co-workers than the boss, however. Men (54 percent) are a bit more likely to cuss at work than women (47 percent), the survey found. Employers aren't immune to workplace swearing, with 25 percent admitting they've cussed out employees. Workplace swearing is most common in Washington (62 percent) and Denver (60 percent), follow- ed by Chicago (58 percent), Los Angeles and Boston (56 percent), Atlanta (54 percent), Minneapolis (50 percent), Phoenix (47 percent) and Philadelphia (44 percent). The nationwide survey of more than 2,000 hiring managers and 3,800 workers was conducted May 4-June 4. The margin of error was plus or minus 1.5 to 2 percent. *-- Man leaves party, gets chased by bear --* FLYKALEN, Sweden - Police in Sweden said a man who wandered away from a party became lost in the woods and came face to face with a bear. Officers said Robin Engstrom, 20, was attending a party Saturday in Flykalen and decided to take a walk in the woods with some beer and cigarettes, The Local.se reported Monday. Engstrom became lost in the woods about four miles from the village and soon found himself chased by a brown bear, police said. The man climbed a hunting tower and pounded on the roof to scare the animal away. Police said Engstrom was rescued after spending about three hours atop the tower. Engstrom said he tried to stay calm during his ordeal. "I drank up the last of the beer and then I sat and smoked. One shouldn't get unnecessarily stressed," Engstrom said. *-- 'Goat man' was hunter in disguise --* SALT LAKE CITY - A Utah wildlife official said the myster- ious "goat man" photographed crawling near some goats was a California hunter testing out a goat stalking disguise. Phil Douglass, conservation outreach manager for the Division of Wildlife Resources, said he was contacted recently by a 57-year-old California man who revealed he had donned a goat suit July 15 and appeared in Coty Creighton's photograph near Ben Lomond Peak just north of Ogden, the Ogden Standard-Examiner reported Tuesday. Douglass said the man, who did not give his name, gave information substantiating his claims and said he was test- ing out the goat suit for an upcoming hunting trip. "He gave me details that convinced me it was him," Douglass said. "I'm satisfied that this was a person preparing for a hunt and did it with knowledge and experience." Creighton said he had enjoyed the mystery about the goat man's identity. "I thought I wanted answers, but I was naive. I should have left well enough alone. Now I just want the mystery back," he said. ========================================================= _ /\.'|_ _.-| |\ | / |_ / \ _>-"""-._.'|_ >`-.' `./ \ /`./ \-< `-| |_/ /_| |_\ ) | | | -<| |\/ `'_\ /`< |_/`. .'\_/ \_/ >-.._..-'\_| `-`_| \_\|_/ | `' | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | /\ | | | /| \ |\ | |/ |/ \| \| VK >-->The Chevy Nova Awards: These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given in honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. "No va" means, in Spanish, "No go." 1. The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?" 2. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious adult magazine. 3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa). 4. Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese. 5. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth." 6. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate." 7. When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: '-. .-' _______________'-._________.-'______________ '-. _ '-. .-' _ .-' '-. (_) / \ (_) .-' '-. / \ .-' '-.____/ \____.-' \_ _ _ _ _ / //////////\\\\\\\\\ ///////////\\\\\\\\\\ |||| .-----------._|||| |||| '-|___|___|-' |||| \\\\ '---------' //// \\\|||||||||||||/// \\\\\\\\/////// \\\\\\///// jnh (The most popular joke in Germany) A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it." -<>- A lawyer awakened after a serious operation only to find himself in a room with all the blinds drawn. "Why are all the blinds closed?" he asked the doctor. "Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure." -<>- [Following are a few more unique costume suggestions that I just couldn't resist including somewhere. And I think you'll agree that this is exactly where they belong!] Grab a hoe and go as Conan the Agrarian. -James How about a Sword and Leiderhosen? You can go as Conan the Bavarian. -Terry Auspitz Joe - simple idea - get a big piece of carpet, cut a hole in the middle for your head and staple the sides together and go as Conan the BERBERian. -Kareema I think you should learn to roll your r's and speak with a Spanish or Portuguese accent. Then you can go as Conan the Iberian. -<>- ___ _____________________ d8888 888______888_888888P' d8'888 888 /\ 888 A 888 ,oo. ,d8' 888 888,' `.888/ \888 d8PY8b ,d8Y'__888 888______888___888 Y8bd8P 8888888888 888888888888 888 d8b `""' [888P""Y888 888888888888,--888] Y8P 88P db Y8P Y8888888888P db Y8= o \ YP / \ YP / bmw `--' `--' The big three auto makers in Detroit were considering putting the high-beam dimmer switch back down on the floor, so they decided to take a poll. Among those polled were 1000 blondes. The most frequent response was: "Well how the hell am I sup- posed to reach for it way down there?" Joe, I was once married to a blonde, so I know first hand how they really are! [The person who sent this one in wisely decided to omit his or her name.] -<>- Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" -<>- I had a friend with a real fancy convertible. It even had genuine sheep-skin seat covers. It looked great, but he couldn't park it in the country -- rams kept attacking it. -<>- ()_()()_() / ..)(.. \ __/ ( || ) \_ (_/ * * (_) | | | || | | | \_/| \__/ | | > \ / <__,--,__|/|_> unknown >SOMETIMES... Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...! [Thanks to Craig Wright for sending this one in. I tested it around the office and got a groan from everyone except TZ who thought it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. And since he doesn't count it's going right here in groaners.] -<>- My husband grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong. "I have to ask you to move your car," my husband told him. "Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?" "No," he replied, "it's parked in the wrong driveway." -<>- A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. "The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says. "The asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password." "Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me." -<>- ,==. \\// .-~~-. ,",-""-.". | | | | | | .-"| |. ". `,",-" ,'.". `| |_,-' | | | | | | hjw ". `-._,-' ." `-.___,-' As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale. "I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something." she suggested. "I don't have a girlfriend," I answered. "No girlfriend? Why not?" "My wife won't let me." -<>- "Hello Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop. My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks. "I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked. "Yeah, you was my English teacher." Leaning over, my husband whispered, "Good job, Honey, good job." -<>- Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight. I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your software." A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective." -<>- Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out week- end passes, I thought I had a good reason. "My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her," I told the C.O. Much to my surprise he said, "Permission granted." Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier also requested a weekend pass. His wife wasn't pregnant, so when the C.O. asked why he should grant him permission, my friend responded, "My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be with her." =============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' >In the Cemetery A minister with a large family of seven children moved to a new city. He and his wife didn't want to buy a home immediately. They wanted to rent a townhouse until they could get a feel for the area and choose a home where their kids would be in good schools and they could be conveniently located. They found plenty of rental townhouses that were large enough, but the landlords always objected to having a family of nine occupy the place. In frustration, one day the father asked the mother to take the four youngest children and go visit the local cemetery. She was puzzled by his request, but went along. He and the other three children headed off to investigate another townhouse they had found. The place was perfect and the father told the landlord he would take it. Then came the usual question, "I see you have children. How many are there in the family?" The minister gave out with a deep sigh, then said, "Seven ... but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the townhouse. From mark over at Joke for Your Day. To subscribe send an email to baldmark@myexcel.com with "subscribe" in the subject line. ================================ This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. ======================================== Worth Repeating....... "If the world grows too worldly, it can be rebuked by the Church; but if the Church grows too worldly, it cannot be adequately rebuked for worldliness by the world." -- G.K. Chesterton ========================== >The Ceiling Fan Sitting in grandpa's bedroom, thinking quietly how different things would be now, the softly turning blades of the ceiling fan caught my atttention and gently nudged my memory to a time watching as grandpa lifted my son up to the fan, holding his hand lightly and helping him pull the chain to turn the light on and off. It seemed to be an enlightening adventure for a small child. Mother had told me he did it with them and all of his grandchildren. The words, "turn it on and let your little light shine" always accompanied pulling the chain. Over the years grandpa had told us many times about loving people and the love of God. Many memories of grandpa's love rolled through my mind. A smile came across my face as I rose to pull the chain and turn the light out. Something told me the light grandpa turned on in our lives would never go out. RONNIE LEVINER COPYRIGHT©2002 http://www.leviner.org ============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: *\o_ _c/* / * * \ <\ *\o/* /> ) c/* / > *\o <\ /> __o */\ /\* c__ * /> <\ * /\* __o_ _c__ */\ * / * * \ * <\ /> *\c/* ejm97 __)__ Ways To Cope With Stress 1) Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time. 2) Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like. 3) Pay your electric bill in pennies. 4) When someone says, "Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans. 5) Make a list of things to do that you have already done. 6) Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife. 7) Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals. 8) Dance naked in front of your pets. -<>- A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even when they know you're a bit cracked. A gentleman farmer is one who has more hay in the bank than in the barn. A good time to keep you mouth shut is when you're in deep water. A good many childhood ailments are cured miraculously as soon as it's too late to go to school. -<>- Definition of a lawyer: A man who helps you get what's coming to him. -<>- __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - Please note: A Downing Street spokesman has confirmed that in order to meet the conditions for joining the Euro the phrase 'spending a penny' is not to be used after the 31st of December 2013. From this date the correct terminology will be 'euronating'. ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Jesus Clinic http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html Heroes Truck http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html Truth About Work http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/work.html Junk Car Parts Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/junkcarart.html Naval Fleet Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html Beautiful Bridges 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bridges2.htm Boeing 787 Dreamliner http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/b787.html Festival Of Citrus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orangefest.html Garbage Truck Camper http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html Humor In Politics 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics8.html Mouse VS Lion! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mouse.html Strange Hotels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) He sent us one we have here... The Last Day! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lastday.html --- ...A great reminder! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) What a life lived! OPEN SOUND, WATCH THE SHOW! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18910560 --- ...Cool! Thanks Linda! Lots of editing genius here.. Staying Alive http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=mz3CPzdCDws --- ...A fun One! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) VERY GOOD ONLINE RADIO STATIONS http://www.slacker.com/ http://www.jango.com/ --- ...Cool! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) Green Side of the Grass!!!THIS IS GREAT!! http://tinyurl.com/829r453 --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Johanna! This is from a fellow who visited this church in Burbank, CA, where they actually showed this video of how they handle cell phones in church. It's only 1.5 minutes long!! Let there be - no cell phones in church! http://www.youtube.com/embed/D2_c81Nnsc0 --- ...GULP! Got it! LOL! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : chick-fil-a: first 100™ http://goo.gl/h0qui --- ...Awesome! Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Hey, I read about a McDonald's in California that was built with mostly recycled synthetic material. Which is ironic because recycled synthetic material is also the main ingredient in a McRib." -Jimmy Fallon "A lot of accidents are caused by bikers who don't have a feel for the road, like the dentists and accountants that take Harleys out on the weekend." -Craig Ferguson "People around the world think America is the coolest country. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an explosion to walk away from while I put on sunglasses in slow motion." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new survey found that half of all American employees have faked a sick day. While the other half have just lied on a survey." -Jimmy Fallon "A woman in Buffalo set a new world record for eating 183 buffalo wings. I don't think there will be a second date." -David Letterman "'Dancing With the Stars' has big names this season, including that guy from that thing." -Craig Ferguson "Beaches in Italy are now training dogs to become lifeguards. That should work as long as someone throws a tennis ball at you while you're drowning." -Jimmy Fallon "A newspaper is a thing that people used to read. It's like a website, but all the information is from yesterday." -Craig Ferguson There has been a lot of talk about conserving energy. Like keeping the thermostat down in the winter. Using low energy bulbs. Turning off lights. Using less gas. It made me realize, my dad was like the first environmentalist. He would walk around the house yelling, 'turn off those lights! Turn the heat down!' He was green before his time." -Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************